The Other One (2017) s01e04 Episode Script

(soft music)
(phone beeps)
- Oh, hi.
I was just wondering whether
I'd be able to change
the booking for tomorrow night?
There's going to be five
of us dining, not six.
Oh, and can we have a
couple of bottles of fizz
on the table when we arrive?
It's my hen do.
I can't promise it will be
sober, but it will be classy.
(laughing) Okay, bye.
(knocking)
- Boohoo, look,
willie's on the end.
(sassy music)
If you like Pina coladas and
getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
- What's that plan,
are we meeting others
at the camp site?
- It's a glamp site guys,
we're glamping, (laughing).
And yes, we are picking up my
pal, Claire, from the airport.
She is such a laugh.
Oh, we're in the woodwind
section in swing band together.
Gosh, that kid
number sure on her.
- That's it, one school friend?
- No, hardly, my
Auntie Dawn's coming.
- Your mum didn't cancel
because of us, did she?
- No, absolutely not.
No, she's not really a
Hen party coming lady.
- Yeah, not everybody's
as laid back as mom
about playing named
that sex position.
- Laid back, (laughing)
- Guys, fid you get the GoPro
link I sent you for Go Ape?
The aerial runway looks insane
in the membrane (laughing)
- Cath, man, I'm going to
make sure you have so much fun
in your Hen do, you're
going to want to die.
- Oh, that's kind, but
I've got this guys.
I am excellent at
organized fun, (laughing).
Well, organizing.
- Dickie mix, anyone?
- Oh.
Yes I like Pina coladas
And getting
caught in the rain
I'm not much
into health food
- Oh my god, there she is.
- Wow, god she look
posh, don't she?
- Wow,
(girls cheering)
Hi.
- Hello there,
- Guys, you don't mind if
I sit up front, do you?
I know, I get my quite car sick
unless it's a limo or
like jet ski or something?
(laughing)
No, but seriously, I
have to sit in the front.
- Yeah.
(laughing)
- Here, why did they
call it a jet ski
and not a boatorcycle?
- Great question.
- Claire, this is my sister,
Kat and her mum, Marilyn.
- Hi, guys. sorry,
I can't reach.
(smooches)
(laughing)
So who's coming?
Lucy, Minnie and Ellie?
- Sadly, they couldn't come.
I don't actually have a
number for Lucy anymore.
- Okay, cool.
I'm just going to set up
a WhatsApp group quickly.
- Oh,
Kathy says you've come all the
way from Dubai for this hen.
- Yeah, kind of.
I came back to renew my visa
and flights were cheaper
if I flew back on
Monday, so, here I am.
(upbeat music)
OC, Millie wants to know if
the Marcus you're marrying
is the same Marcus who used
to sniff his watch strap
in history?
- No, no, no.
Okay, it's another Marcus.
My Marcus is a
doctor and he wears
a Withings Weather
striker, so, (laughing).
- We thought OC was
going to be a lesbian
because she didn't kiss
anyone til the leavers ball.
And then she got off
with the head a maths.
- Okay, right, nice try.
There was nothing
sordid about it.
We didn't get off.
It's just one
goodbye, slow dance
after a great year of maths.
- Yeah.
Why do you call her OC?
- Oh, back in the day,
there were two Catherines
in our class, so we call,
OC here, other Cathy.
And we call our friend
PC as it Pretty Cathy.
- I thought PC stood
for Primary Cathy.
- Sure, it had
multiple meetings.
- Huh?
(upbeat music)
So here we are at the campsite.
Ah that looks like
Auntie Dawn's car.
There, ease in here.
- Bloody hell, what
time do you call this?
(laughing)
- I'm so sorry, we're late.
Sorry, I didn't factor in
Cat's two extra loo stops.
- Oh dear.
Cat and oh, must be Marilyn.
Yeah, we met briefly
at Colin's funeral.
You're our Auntie Dawn?
- Yeah.
- Oh and this is
my friend, Claire.
We were at St.
Catherine's together.
- Hi, double kiss,
pretty exotic.
(laughing)
oh right, right.
Oh, who brought this naughty.
- Actually, do you know
what why don't we leave that
in the car, because it's
probably not waiting for it
in the tent
- You've got to be kidding.
It's like a bloody Marquis.
Keep thinking I'm
backing girl guides,
Oggie, oggie, oggie, oy oy oy!
On top of old smoky,
all covered in cheese
- Is she always this spastic?
- No, this is her warming up.
- Oh hi.
- Someone's a keenie
beanie, (laughing)
Come on, let's unload the car.
- All right.
- Give me something heavy,
bunk up next to me and be
like if you like Marilyn.
- Oh, ta.
I haven't shared it back
with anyone since Colin died.
- Oh, poor you, apart from
the fact that he cheated
on my sister for three decades
and didn't leave a will.
I always thought
he was top notch.
- I dream about
him all the time.
He always appears in
a different forms.
He was a bulldog last night
and Simon Cowell
the night before.
He's always come in to
tell me some something
but I wake up before he speaks.
- I had a dream once that
I was in the queue at HMV.
I often think about that dream.
What should I buy?
What does it mean?
Why weren't there more cashiers?
- Huh?
(hammering)
- Ah, right?
That's the Welly rack done.
Oh God, this is great.
(inhaling)
I can really taste how
clean the air is, can't you.
So crisp.
- Crisp, I'll have some crisps.
- Do you know what?
I have a nagging feeling
I might have pulled off
the perfect hen do.
(girls cheering)
- To the wildest
hens in the forest.
(girls cheering)
- Right, if you'll excuse me,
that recycling station isn't
going to fashion itself.
- I'm just fascinated
by the logistics.
I mean, was he, did
he stay over often?
- Mm,
It was more of an
afternoon delight thing.
Usually about 4:30.
I only have to hear the theme
tune to A Place in the Sun
and I'm good to go.
- I'm more of a post
bath person myself,
ideally after a light
supper, a broth or a toasty,
(laughing)
- Right?
There are two separate
bags, one for recycling
and one for general waste,
round the back of the tent.
- What's the sitch with
the phone reception?
- Oh, there isn't any,
but I do have some
onsite walkie talkies.
I'm not going to insist
on radio etiquette
but if you can say
over when you're done,
it just really helps.
- Love it, over, (laughing).
- Um also, I got some name
badges, a bit of an icebreaker.
Kat, do you want
to be the scribe?
And itinerary.
- Oh.
- There we go.
- Oh there's an I in it.
- Oh, there you go, Claire,
with an I from Dubai.
- So in half an hour, we'll
go down to the paddock
for the barbecue.
Oh, and remember to
bring your cameras guys.
Cause it's going to
be a fantastic sunset.
- I'll be staying in a tent.
My condition.
- Do you want us
to bring you back
something from the
barbecue, Love?
- No you're all right, I ever
did it on the dick and mix.
- Okay, I'm going to
go to the lav block
and fill up the water bag.
And then we will mosey
on down to dinner.
God I love me some
camping, (laughing)
- In Dubai, the
hotels do this thing
called bottomless brunch,
where you can get like
every food you can imagine
- Oh do they do Pop Tarts?
- No, but they do have
a waffle making station.
- Do they do wagon wheels?
- No, but there's like
fresh watermelons.
- Ah do they do Papa ramis?
- No.
- Do they do baby bowls?
- No.
Well, yeah actually,
they do do baby bowls.
And all the Prosecco you
can physically drink.
All we do is like, eat
and booze and sunbathe,
It's amazing.
- It's not as fun as
swing band though, eh?
(laughing)
- We're you in Swing band?
- You know, I was.
I played the tenor sax.
I did the solo in
the Harvard shuffle.
- Oh, hmm.
- I'm just going
to get a cucumber.
- Disgusting.
- Oh do you not want any?
- [Claire] No, I
don't do that stuff.
- [Cathy] Okay.
- [Claire] No I'm
vegan, sort of.
- [Cathy] Oh you
should have told me.
(girls cheering)
- That's not enough for
your dinner, Claire.
Want a bit of my chicken?
I've got too much
chicken, (laughing).
Who else wants a
bit of my chicken?
Hmm, Cathy?
- Oh no thanks.
- Cat?
- No.
- Want a bit of my chicken?
Who wants chicken,
go on, anybody?
Chicken, come on.
No?
No, okay, sure, chicken, hmm?
Okay, more for me.
(girls cheering)
- I can't believe I hit her.
Oh my god, shit, I'm so sorry.
Did I hit you?
- Yeah, but I'm
fine it's no biggie.
- No here, here, oh my God,
I have this as a sauce.
- That's sweet, wicked
hoodie, by the way.
- Oh it's my fiances,
it's Jack Wells.
- I love Jack Wells.
- We just got to check
those in Abu Dhabi.
- Oh are you from UAE?
- Yeah.
- Okay, random question?
Do you know Jenny Capri?
- Shut the front door, she
goes out with my mate Carl.
- Oh my God, oh
my god that's mad.
(laughing)
Wow, well, I'll leave you to um?
- Hen do, my sisters hen do.
- Oh, wow, a massive congrats.
- Oh, thank you and
when are you get, yeah.
All right, bye.
Oh, (laughing)
- [Bride] She took it
so well, she's so nice.
- This chicken,
interesting fizz to it.
(girls chattering)
- Cat, take that somewhere.
- Oh, this is great, isn't it?
You can't beat this for
a hen do, (laughing)
- [Bride] Okay,
okay, next question,
where's the weirdest
place you've ever had sex?
Come on, we know the answer.
- [Friend] In a hot
spot, (laughing)
- [Bride] Oh that's really good.
- Right, right,
let's play a game.
- Oh no, I'm fine, actually.
- Cathy, truth or Dare?
- Truth.
- Okay, let's start easy.
What do you love
most about Marcus?
You've got to tell
the truth, no lies.
- God, I guess he introduced
me to her-resi-paste.
- Is that a sex thing?
- No, it's a North
African marinade.
- Anyone else
feeling a bit funny?
Uh-oh, menopause
alert, (laughing).
No, just joking.
Probably just indigestion,
wolfing down my supper.
Delish.
- I'm going to go for a walk.
See if I can get
any phone reception.
- Oh, do you wanna
borrow my head torch?
- I'll be okay, OC.
I'm not 11, (laughing).
- All right, Auntie
Dawn, truth or dare?
- Truth.
- Okay.
Have you ever had
a rainbow shower?
- Don't answer that, don't.
Yeah, you don't need to know.
(owl hooting)
(stomach gurgling)
- OH, did you hear that?
Someone's got a rumbly tum.
- Do you reckon it was
that fizzy chicken?
- No, no.
Miss piggy here had too
many snags off the Barbie.
- Right, I hope
Claire's all right.
Do you think I should
go look for her?
- [Bachelorettes] Claire,
Claire, Claire, Claire.
- I feel a need to say this,
but I think Claire with an
I from Dubai is total shit.
- Ah, bloody mosquitoes.
- Apparently mosquitoes
are attracted to people
with high sex hormones.
- Oh (laughing) lucky Marcus
I couldn't trouble you for a
wee dram of water, could I?
- Are you feeling better, love?
- Oh, much, yeah.
It's just a orange bile
now, which is really good.
Pure bile means I've
got all of that chicken
out of my system
- Here you go.
- Oh, what a treat.
Thanks.
The thing that's making me
really sick here, Cathy,
is that I'm going to
have to miss Go Ape.
- Oh, okay.
Well, um, still
no sign of Claire.
So I'm guess it's
just me and Cat.
- Oi oi.
- No, absolutely not, no.
- Are you serious?
- It's your hen do.
You're supposed
to get dressed up.
Look, look it's
an ape for Go Ape.
I've got four other costumes
in the car for the others.
- Okay, firstly,
it's not an ape,
it's got to tail,
so it's a monkey.
And secondly, I just, I really,
really don't want
anything tacky.
- All right geez, it's
just a bit of fun.
- We're having fun.
We don't need to
add more fun to it.
It'd be fun overkill, right?
- What are you talking
about too much fun?
I spent my childhood
not having enough fun.
Come on, Cath, but it's
your fricking hen do.
- Fine.
- Brilliant, (laughing),
I'm gonna get my camera?
- Oh good.
- Oh right.
Oh right.
Oh bums, batteries died.
Not to worry, I'll take
a picture with my eyes.
Make a memory and keep it
on my own memory stick.
Brilliant.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm about to shit myself.
(aunt moaning)
- Is your fanny all right?
- Yes, I have a very
pronounced mons pubis.
It's actually very normal.
- Right Ladies, if you could
just make your way over here.
Oh, stupid bump.
- Is this the first thing?
- No, this is the
training course.
Yours is over there.
Sorry, just have to wait a
minute for my supervisor.
He's assessing me
on my safety talks.
- Pretend I'm not here, yeah?
Go on.
- You are about to take part
in a high risk activity.
Following the safety
rules and advice
greatly reduces that risk.
Failure to follow the rules
could result in serious injury.
- Hey, has anyone ever
been seriously injured
during this course?
- I don't actually know the
answer to that one, is it?
- No, stick to the
safety briefing.
Just follow the
instructions, you'll be fine.
- Sorry, It's my first week.
Failure to follow the rules
could result in a serious,
Oh yeah, or fatal injury.
Okay, does anyone
know what happens
if you get stuck on a
rope walk or zip-line?
- Yup, yup, me.
I've read about it
on the websites,
you call for assistance
and if no one comes
you blow the whistle
on your harness.
- Correct, and what
should you have clicked
at all times again?
- Yeah, sorry, me
again, a carabiner.
Two out of two, do
I get a prize or?
- Does she?
- No.
- Okay, let's Go Ape.
- Woo.
- So we ended up doing two days
at this amazing BnB,
which actually took dogs.
I say that because a
couple of days before
I randomly said to
Helen, you have checked,
they allowed dogs,
and she hadn't.
So I phoned the owners,
and they actually had
a chocolate lab of their own
so They were fine about that.
Oh god.
(Aunt retching)
She's 10, which is
actually old for a cocker.
But she's got so much energy,
You'd think she was a puppy.
It does mean
you have to stop
off more often than
to let her have a pee and a poo.
- God, this is fun,
isn't this fun?
- Yeah yeah, so much fun
I think I'm going to head for
the floor, if that's okay.
- What?
- I'm going to get down.
- I can't really hear you.
I'm just going to plow on.
And I want to do another
loop before we get down.
(Cat moaning)
- Which meant that Helen
was able to lift Mitz
into the bath without
getting too much fox turd
on her jumper, great visit.
Much to recommend.
So yeah, that's what I wrote
on their TripAdvisor review.
- Just going to nip
outside for a minute.
- Ah, good for you, Marilyn.
Make the most of the
glorious setting.
I think it was for the best.
I was holding everyone up.
- Sure, whatever.
- And you know from down
here I can cheer you on,
you know, go Cat, go Cat.
- Yeah, I just need
to concentrate.
The hoops are actually the
hardest part of the course.
- You're not (mumbling)
for (mumbling) are ya?
- No, no, I'm just
psyching myself up
for the big one.
- Oh yeah, sure.
Go on, carry on.
- Three, two, one.
- You know when we get back
I've got some really fun games.
I've made a list.
Penis pong, Porno-opoly, and
pin the penis on the donkey.
- Oh oh, Oh my God, help me.
- Oh my God, are
you okay, Cathy?
- No, my leg is
stuck, I can't move.
- Do you want me to
call your man, Jay?
- Please, don't leave me.
- Blow your whistle.
- Yes, I was at the
safety briefing,
I was literally
about to do that.
- Oh, hey, do you want a banana?
- Chill out you
dickhead, she's a monkey
(whistle blowing)
(soft music)
- 4:40?
Colin?
Oh.
You're looking
kind of lonely girl
Would you like
someone new to talk to
Oh yeah, all right
I'm feeling kind
of lonely too
If you don't mind, I'm
gonna sit down here
- There's no way we're going
to make our dinner
reservation, now.
It's a 45 minute walk and
it's just started spitting.
- I bet there will be
a chippy in the village
we drove through.
- That wasn't the plan, Cat,
- So, this is your
bachelorette party.
Your last stab it
freedom, balls to plans.
Let's just see where
the night takes us.
Let's be free range hens.
- If you'd stuck
to the itinerary
and not insisted I wear
this stupid monkey costume,
I wouldn't have got stuck
why are you laughing?
- Because hit's funny,
it's hilarious, Cath.
I can't wait to get
back to the tent
and tell the others.
- Tell them what, what
you ruined my hen do?
That I was hanging
from a wire for an hour
like Boris, bloody, Johnson
because you insisted,
I wear this stupid costume.
- Hang on, hang on,
no, I didn't ruin,
I didn't ruin anything.
That was out of my
control, shit happens,
accidents happen,
but you know what?
You got great story out of it.
- Why can't you just submit
that things are crap?
- Because it's not all crap,
like there's always a positive.
I dunno, like here's one.
So dad had an affair not
great, but because of it,
you got a sister, you got me.
So you know what? Chin up.
- I just wanted to have a
classy, edifying Hen party.
- Are you Cathleen Walcott?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Oh, sorry, sorry.
Sorry, this is Cathy.
- I have reason to believe
there's a forest fire
heading your way.
So prepared to get
very, very hot.
(upbeat music)
- Oh god.
Freaky baby
Let me lick you up and down
Til you say stop
Let me play with
your body baby
Make you real hot
Let me do all the
things you want me to do
- Oh my god, Cathy look.
(cheers)
'cause tonight baby
I want to get
freaky with you
Let me lick you up and down
- [Cat] Oh yeah, oh
Til you say stop
oh yeah.
Make you feel hot
- Oh, yeah.
Let me do all the
things you want me to do
- Whoa, cheers mate.
- Ladies, have a
good night, yeah.
- [Cat] Nice one bruv.
I want to get
freaky with you
- Oh hello, nice weather
for ducks, (laughing).
So, how was going Go Ape?
I can honestly say,
I feel physically
and spiritually lighter,
but peckish now.
Apart from that, hunky
Dory, (laughing).
- Well, We've completely missed
our reservation for supper
and there's no way
I'm driving around
trying to find a
shop in this weather.
- Right, that's,
yeah right.
- Hang on.
Where's me mom?
Mom!
- Marilyn, woo hoo.
- Mom!
- Marilyn!
Marilyn!
- [Cat] Mom!
- Oh don't worry, darling,
we'll find your mum.
- No, this is bullshit.
I've lost me mum in the jungle.
Cathy says that I've
ruined her hen do.
I just wanted it to be a
laugh. And now she's dead shit.
- Oh, don't worry about Cathy,
that's what sisters are like.
Me and Tess used
to fight like cats.
We did some awful things.
Put nettles in my sleeping bag.
And another time,
she paid a cousin
to hit me in the
tit with a skittle.
But I still love her to death,
- But it's complicated.
You know, this
family like, innit?
I'm just used to
being an only child.
Mom!
- Marilyn, yoohoo,
Marilyn, Oh God.
A moth went in my mouth,
a moth went in my
mouth (gagging).
I've swallowed it.
Yup.
I've swallowed a moth.
Oh well, I needed a snack, eh?
- Right listen, I'm going
to go back to the tent
and have a look.
- Marilyn.
- [Cath] Marilyn?
Marilyn.
Please be okay.
- I honestly feel like I've
known you my whole life.
I bet we're at so many
of the same affairs
and we didn't even
realize, (laughing).
- Right, you Claire
with an I, from Dubai,
Have you seen me, mom?
- No, isn't she in your tent?
- No, our tent and she's
gone missing, right?
So first this is
what's going to happen.
You're going to get
out into the rain
and you're got to
come help find me mom.
Then you've got to get
back here to the tent
and you got to drink
bella-nini's until
Cathy passes out
or I swear to God, I will
drag you to the woods
and I'll feed you
to the badgers.
- Okay, You can't
just come in here
and speak to my friend,
- Claire.
- Claire.
- Shut up, you
la-de-da dipshits.
(girls gasping)
- You, with that box of wine.
(sighing)
- Marilyn?
Marilyn!
Marilyn.
- [Marilyn] Oh, (coughing)
- Marilyn.
(chuckling nervously)
- I saw your dad.
I mean, it wasn't Colin.
It was a deer, but it was Colin.
Just like in my dreams but he
ran away before we could talk.
You look beautiful,
Cathy, you look majestic.
- Guys, I found Marilyn.
We're heading back
to the tent, over.
Come on Marilyn, let's go.
- Oh, least that saves me
having to have a shower.
And tell me if this is TMI,
but I am soaked through
to the knickers.
- Me too.
And not in a good
way, (laughing).
Claire, have you got any
warm gear in your suitcase
We could borrow?
- I live in Dubai.
- Alright, hang
on, I'll sort it.
Who's up for some
more penis pasta?
(women laughing)
(clinking glass)
- Is this thing on, jokes.
I just wanted to say,
thank you so much to Cat
for rustling up the
penis pasta and sex pesto
and going above and beyond
as my maid of honor.
- A toast to Cathy and Marcus,
may they have a long
and love filled marriage
and to sisters.
- [All] To sisters.
- To sisters.
- Cheers.
(glasses clinking)
- Actually, is there
any more of this?
This has gotta be the best
penis I've ever eaten.
(ladies laughing)
- Thanks for
coming, Auntie Dawn.
- Thanks for
coming, Auntie Dawn.
- See you at the
wedding I suppose.
- Exciting, farewell.
- [Ladies] Bye.
- Oh my God, babe,
it's just been amazing.
Come here, it was so good
to meet you guys, group hug.
Group hug, you're
the best, kiss, mwah.
(honking horn)
- Claire, we're going.
Claire!
You know what?
Right.
- Let them take
her back to Dubai.
- Okay everybody in,
take it in a minute.
(girls chattering)
- [Cath] Bon voyage.
- [Cat] I'm going to miss it.
- Are you, I don't think I am.
- I had a wicked time.
- I can't wait to have a shower.
- I am looking
forward to my own bed.
Yeah, and a nice cup of tea.
(car thudding)
- Oh my God.
Oh, I think I just hit a deer.
(playful music)
- [Marilyn] Colin?
Somewhere, someone
special just for me
Somewhere, someone
special must be
Somewhere, someone
special just for me
Somewhere, someone
Somewhere someone
special must be
Somebody made for me
Somebody made for you
Somebody made for me