The Singing Detective (1986) s01e04 Episode Script

And 'neath the far off lantern's light
I hold you tight
That's our last night
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene
Please let me explain
means that you're grand
Rungs!
Again I'll explain
What do you think of it, Philip?
Bit of all right!
Let's hear it, Dad,
let's hear it! Please!
Mournful, I call it.
Open the lid. Lift the lid up properly.
Blimey, you do keep on!
Well, the nipper won't have seen it,
will he?
He won't have clapped eyes
on nothing like that.
- Not in them bleedin' trees, will he?
- Come on, Philip. Look at this.
Well?
- Good, yunnit?
- Ooh arrr!
- John!
- Only pulling his leg! Eh, Sonny Jim?
- Look at the hole! Watch the hole!
- Always keep your eyes on the 'ole!
- John!
- It all depends whose, doesn't it?
Stop that!
Look, see the hole in the middle -
round and round and round
to the 'ole in the middle
and - hey, presto
What do you think of the gramophone?
- It's good, yunnit?
- Yunnit? Yunnit?
Don't come from 'Ammersmith,
do you, by any chance?
- He's very broad sometimes.
- We won't understand a word he says!
I byunt gonna talk much,
byunt gonna talk at all!
Gonna keep my mouth shut!
- The things he comes out with!
- You won't get far pointing at things!
- Not in the dark!
- He didn't want to come.
- Philip doesn't like the idea of London.
- He'll change his tune.
- It's the best place there is.
- Not like whum, be it?
- What? What's he say?
- He says it's not like home.
There yunt no place like the forest.
Where cost thou go up yere?
Where be the trees? The oaks, the elms
and the beech? You tell I that!
Ravenscourt Park. Couple of trees there.
- And Barnes Common!
- I can't understand a word he says.
Show him the gas taps!
He won't have seen that!
Want me to shove his head in the oven?
Show him! It's new, all new!
Open his eyes, that will!
- And the flush. Out back.
- No burying the shit in the garden here!
- John language.
-No garden!
- If he don't hear no worse than that
- What about the trolley buses, eh?
And the underground. Trains running
under the ground, Philip. It's true.
Right under us! Right under your feet!
The way that boy looks at you.
He doesn't blink.
Philip! It's rude to stare. Stop it.
You'll be able to go to the pictures.
Now the V-2s have stopped coming over,
it'll be nice again!
You watch him. He'll be a proper
little Londoner by the time he's done.
Philip, do you like football?
Eh?
- What, cat got your tongue?
- Philip, answer when you're spoken to.
When's our Dad coming?
When?
What are you going to say, Betty?
What are you going to tell him?
Soon.
- Soon, Philip.
- When?
Soon! Sometime soon!
I expect.
A good detective
doesn't go by the book. No, sir.
But he must have a few rules
to help him chew the cupcake.
First off, never never trust your client.
Listen, God. I promise to be good
if you let I off.
I'll be without nern a spot,
without nern a sin!
Please, God, I didn't mean to do it.
Honest! Honest!
Honest!
They come and go,
they certainly come and go.
- We don't talk about that, do we?
- Why not?
Is the working assumption here
that none of us is mortal?
Nurse!
Please.
A word, Nurse.
Listen, listen. If that squad of people
had got to him 3O seconds earlier -
old George there -
would it have made any difference?
- Who knows?
- Nurse!
Oh, Nurse Mills
sweet Nurse Mills
I love
Oi!
Oi!
Oi! Charlie!
A fag!
'Ere, I'm dying for one, I tell you!
Sorry about that, George.
- Sorry, George.
- Still talking to yourself, are you, Philip?
Who's George?
Of course I talk to myself.
More civilized than the conversations
I used to have.
- What are you doing here?
- What a disgusting disease!
- Thank you.
- You look like some kind of scabby leper.
- What's all that grease?
- It's from the garage!
- They said you were getting better!
- I am getting better.
What do you want? Why are you here?
I'm not entirely sure.
Perhaps I have just come to gloat.
- It's not the visiting hour.
- I know.
- I thought they were strict about that.
- Well, they didn't seem to mind.
Mind you I smile very sweetly.
- As ever.
- What do you mean?
One patient's wife wanted to visit him
after she had swallowed 364 aspirins.
- This was at twenty past six.
- What?
They asked her to wait another 1O minutes.
- What?
- Visiting time's at 6.3O.
Oh, I see. A joke.
Oh, yes, sit down, by all means!
Keep the laughs coming!
- I did come once before, you know.
- Yes.
- They told you?
- I wasn't asleep. I wasn't really asleep.
- I knew you were there.
- I see.
You know, Nicola, you are
without any shadow of a doubt,
an exceptionally beautiful woman
at the very peak of her nubility.
- That's sounds like a death sentence.
- It IS a death sentence.
- Philip
- Know how long I've been in here?
Three months! Do you know what you do
over that period, lying flat on your back?
- Go off your head!
- You think!
- Yeah, but about what?
- About everything.
- Yes, but
- Yes, but what?
- And do you think about us?
- Us?
- You and me.
- Sex, do you mean?
Amongst other things, yes, if you like.
Sex.
Well it has been known
to happen between us, yes.
And I miss it.
With you, I mean.
- Nicola
- Yes?
The plain fact is
that you are a filthy, predatory and
totally wanton bitch who's always on heat.
I do not wish to see you now
and not ever.
- What if I said I loved you?
- Liar.
- What if I said I wanted you back?
- Liar.
- There are some things to discuss.
- No.
You're hard-up, you haven't got a penny.
I know that.
You haven't put pen to paper
for 15 months. I know that for certain.
- I don't need a pen or paper.
- You write on water?
Shut your mouth!
- God!
- Go, will you? Just bloody well go.
A production company, a film company,
wants to take some sort of option
on your first book
What?
The one about the detective
that sings in the dance band.
They want to set it in Hartlepool
with Al Pacino and Max Bygraves, right?
- This is serious.
- Options, options.
They offer you a pittance now for the right
to rip you off later! An election manifesto!
They are very keen, apparently.
What's this got to do with you?
What business is it of yours?
What do you know?
- I want you to support yourself.
- You what?
- I'm worried about you.
- Ah, I see.
- You consider that I owe you money.
- No, I don't.
Top rate for hookers nowadays.
Oh, is it? I wouldn't know.
Tell me
who are you sleeping with
at the moment?
- Myself mostly.
- Mostly.
Mostly, yes.
Mostly means not always.
If you want it to be that precise,
yes, it does.
Nicola, please!
No, don't.
Please I was trying to say
just go, will you? Just piss off!
You bet!
Bitch! You bitch!
I have talked to the consultant
and to the registrar.
They say you should do some work -
no matter how little!
And they say you could be moved
to a side ward away from people,
but only if you show signs of being
a little less introspective.
Philip it's up to you now.
- Look at me!
- What are you up to? What's your game?
- For goodness' sake!
- You're not a good actress on the box.
- You're an even worse one in real life.
- Thank you.
- It's called "The Singing Detective".
- Yeah, that's the one!
- It has absolutely nothing to do with you.
- I didn't say it had.
I have been working. I've been
turning it into something else.
- How have you been working?
- In my head.
Your head yeah!
- Sorry, time for your drug, Mr Marlow.
- Good afternoon.
Hello.
Open.
There. All gone.
Who's a good boy, then?
One of you
One nasty, dirty, wicked little boy
I cannot believe it was one of the girls
for a moment!
One of you boys
waited until after school
waited, then sneaked back in
and did this horrible
horrible, filthy, disgusting thing
right in the middle of this table!
My table!
And I will tell you this.
I will tell you this.
I will tell you here and now
he won't get away with it!
Whoever it is.
I'll make sure of that!
Absolutely sure.
Who?
Who is it?
Who?
Who is
the nasty dirty shameless
little beast?!
Harold? Was it you?
- No, Miss!
- You, was it?
- No, Miss!
- Did you come back yesterday?
- No, Miss.
- Are you sure? Are you quite sure?
I didn't, Miss. I didn't.
Did you come back into this room
and climb on my desk?
Did you let down your trousers
and do that that disgusting thing?
Chunt, me, Miss! Honest!
- Do you know who did?
- No, Miss.
Cows do it in the fields
and know no better.
Dogs do it on the road and know no better.
Pigs do it in their sties and know no better.
They can't speak, they can't reason.
They know not the difference between
right and wrong. They are animals.
But
But we are not animals.
God has given us all
a sense of good and of bad.
God has allowed us to tell the difference
between the clean and the dirty.
And God is going to help me now
find out who did this thing.
All of you, in a moment,
you are going to close your eyes
and place your hands together.
We are going to say a prayer.
We are going to ask Almighty God,
Almighty God Himself!
We are going to beseech
Almighty God Himself!
He is going to point His Holy Finger!
Almighty God will tell us
who did this wicked deed
and then we shall know.
Let us pray.
In my head.
Yes, in my head.
The worst thing about a detective story
is the plot. The best thing, too.
It's the ONLY thing.
You have to work it all out in your head.
That's what I'm doing - like a rat in a maze.
How can you work out what
you already know is going to happen?
- Think I'm cuckoo, is that it?
- No, but
- Bananas! You think I'm bananas!
- Well, it just seems
- What happened to that screenplay?
- What screenplay?
What do you mean, what screenplay?
The one I put in the shoe box!
- Shoe box?
- Yes, the shoe box!
Oh, Philip.
I know, I know.
You should write something new, Philip.
Write something else.
- Like what?
- Like this.
What has happened to you.
Like real things.
- Pooh!
- Use your talent, Philip.
Bugger that!
Write about real things
in a realistic way.
Real people, real joys, real pains.
Not these silly detective stories.
Something more relevant.
- Solutions.
- What?
All solutions and no clues -
that's what the dumb-heads want!
As for the bloody novel - he said,
she said, descriptions of the sky!
I'd rather it was the other way.
All clues, no solutions.
That's the way things really are.
Plenty of clues, no solutions.
- What about this option?
- Well, it's not grand or
But, Philip, it would be a way for you
to earn money
- How much?
- Well, it's no huge er
- I think it's about $2,OOO for 12 months.
- 1O cents a dance.
Philip, if they took it on after that,
if they actually made a film of it,
you would get 2% of the budget.
So What? A ten-million-dollar film
that'd be
Up to a ceiling of $1OO, OOO.
How come you know all this?
How do you know the figures?
What's it gotta do with you?
- The point is
- The point is
you have all these details and I don't.
Either you've been reading my mail,
getting into my flat
That stinking hole!
Or you were party to the offer
in the first place! What's going on?
Still the same, aren't you?
The same paranoid old Philip.
- Do you want my help or don't you?
- Do I want YOU to help ME?
- Think about it.
- Piss off!
Philip you are a barbarian.
You will always bite the hand
that tries to feed you!
Answer me! Answer the question,
you interfering cow!
The noise that fella makes, the shouting!
- Nicola!
- The total lack of consideration!
It beggars description and I choose
my words more carefully than most.
Nicola! Come here!
I mean, listen to him!
- Reginald?
- What?
Are you company, Reginald? Could you
honestly say you were good company?
- Could you put your hand on
- What?
- See what I mean?
- It's a good story, innit?
- Is it? What's it about?
- You already asked me that.
- Well, I'm asking again.
- I don't know yet, do I?
- You mean
- I haven't finished it yet, have I?
No luck. Full stop.
No good. Full stop.
Talk about difficult! Exclamation mark.
I had to give it up because he was
getting very suspicious. Full stop.
No luck. No good. Talk about difficult!
I had to give it up -
he was getting very suspicious.
Binney!
That bastard! She says it to Binney!
But you'll try again?
I mean he'll see you again?
- I don't know whether he will or not.
- I can't wait for too long.
- You have no idea how nasty he can be.
- Oh, haven't I just?
I don't want us to be I mean, we could
be sued for misrepresentation or
Don't worry, don't worry.
I'll think of something.
- Jesus! I wish we'd just
- Stop it.
I'll deliver. I said I would and I will.
He looks terrible.
Don't start feeling sorry for him.
Just think about the half-million dollars.
Oh, I don't feel sorry for him.
I hope it gets right down into his bones!
Wow! You look terrific
when you're angry!
Zzzz! Like a wasp caught in Tabasco!
That is what Marlow used to say.
You sound just like Marlow,
you know that?
It's a lovely day tomorrow
Tomorrow is a lovely day
Come and feast your tear-dimmed eyes
On tomorrow's clear blue skies
If today your heart is weary
If every little thing looks gray
Just forget your troubles
and learn to say
Tomorrow is a lovely day
The thing is, it's always the least
likely character who turns out to be the killer.
I've got to obey the rules.
The least likely.
This must be him!
This must be the one - old Noddy here.
Definitely! Noddy did it!
You hear that, Nicola?
You get that?
Well, it can't be me, that's for sure.
It can't be me. I didn't do it.
They won't find out who it was.
Nah, they'll never ever ever find out!
Not if they give I the worst Chinese burn
ever in the history of the world.
Or they can tie I down on a hill
of cruel, poisonous black ants
and they'll never find out, not ever!
Not if I keep my mouth shut.
O Lord God, who loves and saves
and watches and admonishes
all of us miserable and unworthy sinners.
O Lord God look down on us now
in Thy Awful Majesty!
Search out our hearts, look into our heads,
seize hold of our innermost thoughts.
Dear Lord, you can see!
You know.
You are looking down now upon one boy.
One particular boy.
One boy in this room.
You are entering the bones.
You are peering into the space
between the bones.
Dear God,
Almighty God,
terrible in wrath, with the stars to guide,
with the whole earth to turn,
with the flowers to grow, with the rain
to make fall, the sun to make shine,
with all this, all of these things,
you stop you look
you watch.
Because all of these things -
the weight of the mountains, the deeps
of the oceans, the day and the night,
the cares and troubles of the whole
slow spin of the whole big world!
All, all of these things,
you, O God,
thee, O God, Almighty and Awful Creator,
you leave for the moment
to point down at the one!
Who?
Who?
Which one?
Who is it?
Who? Which one?
Who is it?
That is the question.
Goodnight, Albert.
Achtung, Amanda!
- What was that?
- Some loony. Come on.
Achtung, Amanda!
You can throw a long shadow,
you can cast a short one.
You know the mistake people make?
They think the size has something
to do with what's inside them.
Am I right or am I right?
Shadows.
Doesn't it seem peculiar to you?
No.
He gives me the creeps!
I half expect him to be out there!
- Shadows.
- I'll tell you something else.
He knows too much.
He's got hold of too many details.
- Where's it from? What's his game?
- Parrot.
- What?!
- I've just made a parrot. Caw, caw!
Are you listening to me?
Am I talking to myself?
I like moody men.
I simply adore moody men!
Two years and more
I had of that shit with Marlow.
Black looks, mysterious silences.
Sulks that came up out of nothing
and do you know what else? Paranoia.
- Think about it.
- It's Marlow I'm thinking about!
- Then don't.
- He's on to me. He knows.
- What do you mean? How can he?
- I feel it, OK? I sense it.
Not again!
He's never actually set foot
inside this house, has he?
- 'Course he hasn't.
- Well, in that script of his
- You mean that script of YOURS.
- Let's be accurate!
Let's be consistent!
OK, as far as anybody
in the outside world is concerned.
Half a million says you'd better believe it.
I'm not talking about that, I'm talking
about this dog-eared, messy,
food-stained script
we hope he's forgotten, right?
It still stinks of tobacco
and something that, well
smells to me like old cabbage stumps.
- Smells of something worse than that.
- Typical.
It smells of sulfur.
What?
Nicola, I know this sounds crazy,
but I feel almost as though
he's made all this up.
Oh, my God, I do pick them!
Nicola, think about it, please!
We're talking about
the bloody script he wrote!
- Years ago!
- Yes, but
- Before I even knew you!
- Yes, but Well, true.
Well, then.
But But isn't that what
makes it all so creepy?
Now, look,
you are working yourself up
because what we're doing
is criminal, right?
I mean, we are stealing his script
and passing it off as yours.
Right?
- Right.
- Right!
Right!
This is because I intercepted
the offer to him.
They don't know him from Adam.
They don't know he's ill.
- But you've got cold feet.
- No!
Then why are you
jangling your nerves like this?
You do know we're talking
about coincidence, don't you?
Mm?
Mark?
Don't you?
I suppose so.
Come on, use your head.
If he didn't know of your existence
when he wrote that book,
if I didn't know you even
If he'd never been here, never seen you.
Come on.
- What's the matter with you?
- THIS is the matter, actually! In here!
Listen! In here, the story's the same, OK.
- Better be! That's what is being sold!
- The settings are different!
- For Christ's sake!
- The names are different!
- He changed his mind! He gets bored!
- He's changed the setting of the client.
His house, I mean,
from New Cavendish Street to this mall!
He's even got the murder girl floating
under bloody Hammersmith Bridge!
It's public property.
He's changed the name of the client
from Haynes to Binney. One letter!
It's all there is between trick and prick.
Binney to Finney is too close!
If he'd changed it to anything else,
anything!
How about changing it to Wally?
- Mark Finney! Me, right?
- How do you do?
Mark Binney! In this bloody script of his
that we've purloined!
Mark Finney and Mark Binney
is as close as
I have this awful dash.
He stops himself, comma
and all but shudders. Full stop.
Darling -? Dash, question mark.
- I have this awful
- Darling -?
premonition.
I have this awful premonition.
Nicola, why are you doing that?
- What?
- Nicola!
Look a rabbit.
Don't you think that looks like
a rabbit, Mark?
I thought I could only do parrots.
He followed the stupid cow!
He bloody well followed her!
- Happens.
- Called out some Kraut word, apparently.
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
And she had to go and react.
She's not even a bloody Hun
to begin with!
- There you are.
- These tarts!
Brains in their bleedin' nipples!
He's clever, though.
Once she'd shown herself like that,
it was in the manual then, wasn't it?
Easy as pie. Watched her arse
all the way home.
But he's clever. Go on, admit it.
Yeah well.
Who'd have thought it, eh?
I mean, a warbler.
A bloody warbler!
- Thought they were all nancy boys.
- There you are.
- Shut up!
- Right you are.
We'll have to go in there eventually.
But not together.
I don't wanna go to a dance
with another bloke.
- I mean, what would people say?
- No, no, no, no. Nor me.
- Have you got the gun?
- What do you think?
I killed the tart with it, didn't I?
- Amanda.
- Yeah.
Pity, that. Pity, really.
- Shut up!
- Right you are.
I get along without you very well
Of course I do
Except when soft rains fall
And drip from leaves
Then I recall
The thrill of being sheltered
In your arms
What a guy
What a fool am !
To think my breaking heart
Could kid the moon
What's in store
Should I fall once more?
No, it's best that I stick to my tune
I get along without you very well
Of course I do
Except perhaps in spring
But I should never think of spring
For that would surely
Break my heart in two
Grapes!
Why people insist on bringing them
into hospitals, I'll never know!
The grape, Reginald, is a very irritating fruit.
Especially if you have the misfortune
to wear dentures, my boy.
The skin -
which, on the whole,
is more bitter than it should be!
The skin, the bloody skin,
sticks on the teeth
or between the teeth.
And as for the pips
The pips, Reginald
You!
- That's what you do, do you know that?
- What?
You give me the pip!
That's what you do.
What's the matter now? What's wrong?
What's wrong? What's wrong?
That's what I said.
- Sundays.
- What?
Sundays - that's what's wrong.
Oh, how I hate this this day of rest,
this Sabbath, this
Outside, Reginald, even outside
at the best of times, but in here
It's like the two longest days
of the week rolled into one.
Quieter, though. A bit of peace.
Good morning! Hello!
- Good morning.
- Good morning, Doctor!
Hello. Please take one.
You'll be able to follow the words.
Hello. Please take one.
You'll be able to follow the words.
Good morning.
Hello. Please take one.
You'll be able to follow the words.
Hello. If I could have your kind attention,
please, everyone.
Good morning. My name is Dr Finlay.
May the Lord Jesus Christ be with you.
Oh, no!
Let me introduce ourselves to you,
if introductions are necessary
Hello. Please take one.
You'll be able to follow the words.
- Shall I open it for you?
- N-n-n-n-n-n
Oh. Or perhaps you'd prefer
just to listen.
F-f-f-f-f-fu
Yes well Jesus loves you!
Fu fu fu
Please take one.
You'll be able to follow the words.
- No.
- It's a hymn sheet.
Stuff it! Look, stuff, it, will you?!
yes. This morning, we go
from ward to ward to invite you
to share the infinite joy and comfort
we have ourselves
Why don't you leave us alone, Finlay? Why
don't you bugger off and leave us in peace?
- Nurse Godfrey
- F-F-Fu! G-G
- If I could have your attention.
- Fu fu Oh!
We ask you to join us in fellowship
and in the love of Jesus
to celebrate what is good in our lives
and to ask for help in alleviating
what seems less than happy in the world
and our place in it.
Now, you have been given,
or should've been, a printed booklet
with the words of the hymns we'll sing
- Hey! Hey, you! Finlay! Hey!
- And we hope that you, too
- Hey, you!
- What is it, my rather loud friend?
What about us who don't feel able?
You misunderstand our purpose.
If you will suspend your prejudice
and join with us
No misunderstanding.
This is a principle, not a prejudice.
- Spare a moment and listen
- This is crap! Just leave us in peace!
Shut your mouth! Those who don't wish to
celebrate Jesus do not have to take part.
Those who are not with us
are against us.
Those who lack the good manners,
the grace, should remain quiet
so others may partake in the peace
which comes from the love
- of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
- Amen.
And afterwards, we can all pick up
our beds and walk out of here!
Switch on the organ, Eric. Let us begin.
My dear fellows, we ask you to spend
these few moments in reflection,
in praise and comfort.
Thank you.
On your sheets
I mean your word sheets,
you'll find the words of the hymn
"Be In Time" - good and urgent advice,
expressing in honest, plain and direct
terms our personal hope in Jesus
and our wish to tell you the Good News.
Join with us! Do not hesitate.
Thank you, Eric.
Life at best is very brief
Like the falling of a leaf
Like the binding of a sheaf
Be in time!
Fleeting days are telling fast
That the die will soon be cast
And the fatal line be past
Be in time!
- Be in time!
- Be in time!
While the voice of Jesus calls you
Be in time! Be in ti-i-i-i-me!
If in sin you longer wait
You may find no open gate
And your cry be just too late
Be in time!
Fairest flowers soon decay
Youth and beauty pass away
- You have not long to stay
- Fu
Be in time!
While God's spirit bids you come
Sinner, do not longer roam
Lest you seal your hopeless doom
Be in time!
Be in time! Be in time! Be in time!
While the voice of Jesus calls you
- Be in time!
- BE IN TIME!
If in sin you longer wait
You may find no open gate
And your cry be just too late
Be in time!
Time is
and the deeps
of the oceans, the day and the night,
the cares and troubles of the whole
slow spin of the whole big world!
You, O God, Thee, O God,
Almighty and Awful Creator,
you leave for the moment
to point down at the one!
Who?
Which one?
Who is it?
Philip Marlow.
Yes, Miss?
Come out to the front.
Come out to the front!
Do you hear what I say? Come here!
- Philip
- Miss?
I want you to look at something, Philip.
Now
do you see that?
Do you see that THING
in the middle of the table?
Well? Do you see it?
Yes, Miss.
Did you do it?
- You did it, didn't you? Didn't you?
- No!
If you didn't do it, then you know more
about it than is good for you!
- You didn't do it?
- No, Miss.
I would have been very surprised
if a clever boy like you
So you know, do you?
You know who did this filthy thing.
- Yes, Miss.
- Then you'd better tell me, my boy.
You'd better tell me, hadn't you?
-Don't like to.
- What?
Don't like to, Miss.
Oh, you don't like to.
What a pity! What a terrible shame!
That means that, first of all,
you will have to stand here
for the rest of the day, absolutely still,
not moving a single muscle,
looking at that THING on the table
until you decide to be sensible.
When the bell's rung at the end of the day
and you still have not told me
what I want to know,
do you know what'll happen then?
You don't want to know.
Very well I'll tell you.
I shall take hold of your ear, little boy,
and lead you through to Mr Hopper
in the big room.
He'll take the big cane out of the cupboard
and give you the biggest thrashing you or
anyone else in the school has ever had!
And he will keep on doing it, little boy,
until you do decide to tell me
what you know.
Understand?
Do you understand?
- Yes, Miss.
- Very well.
Now, think about all that I have said.
Think about the stick, my lad,
and tell me who did it, mm?
Who?
Don't like to say, Miss.
A duke with a name like a boot
said "Never explain, never apologize".
They should write that over the gates
of Wormwood Scrubs.
Am I right? But the way things
were looking for yours truly,
me with the snappy hat,
they were about to write it
on my gravestone.
to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mr In-Between
You got to spread joy
Up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene
To illustrate his last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
Just when everything looked so dark?
Man, they said we'd better
Ac-cent-chu-ate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mr In-Between
You got to spread joy
Up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene
To illustrate his last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
Just when everything looked so dark?
Man, they said we'd better
Ac-cent-chu-ate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mr In-Between
No, do not mess with Mr In-Between!
Do you hear me? Hm?
Oh, listen to me, chil'un and you will hear
About the 'liminatin' of the negative
The accent on the positive
Gather round me, chil'un,
If you're willin', and sit tight
While I start reviewin'
The attitude of doin' right
- You got to spread joy
- Up to the maximum
- Bring gloom
- Down to the minimum
Otherwise pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene
- To illustrate my last remark
- Well, illustrate
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they say?
- What did they say?
- When everything looked so dark?
Man, they said we'd better
Ac-cent-chu-ate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mr In-Between
No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
Good.
Let it come on.
Pandemonium!
be in time! If in sin you longer wait
You may find no open gate
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don't mess with Mr In-Between
No, do not mess with Mr In-Between
Do you hear me? Mm?
Listen to me, chil'un
And you will hear
About the 'liminatin' of the negative
And the accent on the positive
Gather round me, chil'un,
If you're willin', and sit tight
Gonna wait for the number
to finish or what?
That is so.
Only he's a good target now -
a sitting duck.
My glass - look at it.
I'd say it was empty.
- What would you say?
- The same.
- What?
- I'd say it was empty, too!
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Otherwise pandemonium
Liable to walk
All right all right.
Same. Same again, thank you.
We draw the same expenses,
me and you.
Who's got the shooter?
Who does the shootin'?
That'd go down nicely, ta.
And you go and see what Marlow does
when this bleedin' tune is over.
Then he's had it.
No, don't mess with Mr In-Between
A leaf
boys and girls.
A leaf may not seem
all that much to you.
Just a leaf. Only a leaf, you might say.
Green in the summer, then going
brown and dry, falling off the tree
and rotting away to nothing, that's all.
But look again and you will be surprised.
A leaf, like you,
has a rib.
A leaf, like you,
has veins.
A leaf, like you
breathes.
If you hold the leaf up to the light,
you will see the rib running
right through the middle of it like this.
From the bottom of the leaf
at the stem right through
to the tip of the leaf.
Keep still! Eyes front!
Don't move an inch!
And if you look even more closely,
you will see that, coming out
from this rib, there are veins.
You see? Like this.
Now if you were to shine
a very strong, a very powerful torch
through this leaf, you would see
that there is a very fine pattern
in between these veins.
Some of this pattern shows up as green
and some of this pattern shows up,
under the bright light of the torch,
as white.
The white stuff is tougher than the green.
It is like the bones of the leaf.
- George.
- Miss?
I said there were two colors
in the what?
- Leaf, Miss.
- Yes, but in what in the leaf?
In the pattern of the leaf.
Two colors, I said, two.
What were they? George?
- Green, Miss.
- Yes, green, I said. And?
No, thank you, Barry!
Black, Miss.
Quiet! George, here!
At once!
I saw you picking at the wood
on your desk.
I knew you were not paying attention.
Fetch me the stick.
- Aw, Miss!
- Fetch me the stick!
Yes, Miss.
- Hold out your hand.
- Yes, Miss.
Pay attention next time!
Pay attention, all of you!
Green, I said. Green and white.
And count yourself lucky
that you only had three strokes
and only across your hand.
Let me see,
in just over 1O minutes' time,
all of you in Standard Three
will join Standard One,
Standard Two and Standard Four
to see a caning that not one of you
will ever forget.
- Philip.
- Yes, Miss?
You do know you will have
to have the big stick
and across your behind
and in front of the whole school?
- Yes, Miss.
- Unless
You understand? Unless.
Miss.
The leaf. When you are in the forest
and the leaves have fallen from the trees,
if you pick up a leaf from the ground,
you will see it is the green pattern
that is the first part
that rots away, that dies.
But if you look closely at the leaf
you have picked up from the soft floor
of the forest, you will also see
There, there.
You've been very brave in sticking up
for the wicked boy who did it.
I'm sorry you will have to be punished
and punished so very, very hard.
Here, blow.
I think we've had enough of this,
don't you?
Yes, Miss.
I think the time has come
to tell me what you know, hasn't it?
Yes, Miss.
Now, stand up here.
Who did it?
Tell me, there's a good boy.
Mark Binney, Miss. It was Mark Binney.