The Tom Green Farm (2026) s01e04 Episode Script

1
I'm Tom Green.
This is The Tom Green Farm.
Here at the farm today,
always nice to have new people
I've never met before come up
to the farm and pet an alpaca.
Jesse Reyez, an amazing
Canadian artist, poet,
singer-songwriter.
Jay Baruchel, movie star,
actor, director,
all-around good guy,
one of Canada's true patriots.
We sit down with Jay Baruchel
today to talk about his
hilarious performance
in "Tropic Thunder",
to a more serious turn in
"Million Dollar Baby",
directed by Clint Eastwood,
of all people.
Also, we raise a Canadian flag.
I always thought I needed a
Canadian flag on the property,
but now more than ever,
elbows up.
The great Glenn Humplik from
"The Tom Green Show".
I met Glenn when we were doing
college radio together
back in the 1980s.
And then when The Tom Green Show
started in 1994
on Rogers Community Cable,
I asked Glenn to be my sidekick.
The rest was history.
And in the spirit of community
television, college radio,
some shortwave radio experts
and enthusiasts pop by
because when there's
a supply chain shortage
and no toilet paper, we'll be
wiping our butts with birch bark
and broadcasting on shortwave.
And we won't leave you hanging.
Tune in.
This is The Tom Green Farm ♪
It's not the green Tom farm ♪
This is my favourite farm ♪
Because it is my farm ♪
If this was your farm ♪
You'd probably like it
more than I did ♪
That's just because
it was your farm ♪
But it's not your farm,
it's The Tom Green Farm ♪
It's The Tom Green Farm ♪
Oh, hey Amanda,
how are ya?
What's going on?
I'm doing pretty good.
I brought a couple
friends with me.
Who do you have here today?
So, this is Curtis.
Look at that. Hi, Curtis.
And this is Daniel.
This is amazing.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, we have Jesse Reyez
coming to the farm today.
So excited.
And she wanted to meet
some baby goats.
Didn't know where we could get
some, so we called you.
I mean, this is the best
I could do.
Yeah, baby alpacas.
Baby alpacas.
How old are these
alpacas?
So these guys are
about
two and a half years old now.
Charley used to get
really excited
about meeting new animals.
Yeah.
Would bark and bark and bark.
Now she's just kind of
used to it.
She's a pretty well-travelled
dog.
Come here, Charley, come.
Jump up, jump up. Yeah.
There we go.
Sit, sit, sit, sit. Yeah.
This is Curtis and Daniel,
Charley. Yeah.
It's okay.
He's like, "This is the
weirdest thing I've ever seen."
See, that's Curtis and Daniel.
See, everything's fine.
Everything's fine, Charley, see?
It's okay, Curtis,
everything's fine.
See?
Charley would actually really
freak out about new animals
for the first couple years.
She's very chill about it.
Yeah, it's a little bit
of stranger danger.
You have to be cautious
of strangers.
There you go. It's okay.
Oh. Wow, he really wants
to see Charley, eh?
There you go.
You go play. You go play.
So, what I was gonna do today
is when Jesse Reyez comes,
I think we're gonna try to write
a song here at the picnic table.
Okay. So, are you guys able
to alpaca sit?
Could the alpacas hang
or will they freak out?
I think they'll love it.
The nice thing about alpacas
is 'cause they're herd animals,
as long as you have one of them
with you,
the other one's not
gonna go too, too far.
Come here, come here,
come here.
Come here, come here, come here.
Oh, that's so nice.
- Oh, wait, oh, oh.
- Oh, you got the zoomies.
- Do they get zoomies too?
- Oh, yes.
Like, if I was to run through
the field, would it chase me?
- Probably.
- Really?
Yip-apa-doo-dah-lit-da-doo ♪
Yip-a-dap-a-doo-a-yee-haw-hoo
♪
Yee haw, yee haw, yee haw ♪
Yip-apa-doo-dah-dee-ha-hoo ♪
Look, they're excited
to see the alpacas, aren't they?
Oh! Oh! Oh, boy!
Oh, what's going on?
What is going on today, huh?
Whoa! Danny, look.
What do we got here, huh?
Oh, oh, it's fun.
Come here, guys. Yeah.
Wee-ha-hoo,
it's a funny farm ♪
Bugs bad?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, wearing shorts was
probably not a good idea.
You wore some shorts.
I did. I did wear some shorts.
You wore shorts.
You came out to the country,
and you wore your shorts.
This is what we do
in the city.
Hoping to get bit
by some ticks, maybe.
Uh, oh, yeah.
Didn't I tell you
to wear long pants, or?
No.
Well, anyways, welcome.
Thanks. Cheers.
Cheers. Good to see ya.
Yeah, you too, man.
So, the reason I wanted you
to come out here today
is 'cause we met
at Ottawa University Radio.
CHUO.
I was doing my radio show,
you were doing your radio show,
and we ended up doing
a radio show together.
I'm building the first ever
solar-powered barn cast
in the barn.
Be broadcasting
around the world,
just like we always have, right?
So, these guys over here,
they're from a shortwave radio
club, like a ham radio club.
You know anything about ham
radio?
A little bit, yeah.
These guys are really into it.
Okay.
And they're gonna set up
a few antennas and stuff,
and basically they're gonna get
the barn set up in a way
where we're gonna be able to
broadcast around the world,
even if we don't have internet.
So how, did you
meet these guys?
Internet.
Okay.
Yeah. I haven't even
met 'em yet.
Okay.
But I said I didn't want to
talk to 'em
until we were on camera.
Okay, okay, gotcha.
I have a feeling the guy
with the cowboy hat's the one
that wants to be the
spokesperson for the group.
And in exactly ten minutes,
we are going to be able to
speak with,
as they pass over us,
the International Space Station.
- Wow, really?
- Yeah.
Oh, so there's a certain
flight path
that it goes over every day,
or how's that work?
I guess there must be
some sort of a flight path.
Yeah, I guess so, yeah.
I don't think they're zigzagging
around or anything like that.
No.
What time do you have now?
I have
That's a nice little
watch you got there.
- 2:52.
- Can you hold that up?
That's a sleek little
watch you got there.
Try to get my 10,000
steps every day.
Can you just hold that up?
That looks like something that
a female member of Kraftwerk
would wear.
There we go.
I think I just heard a
car pull up now, actually.
Oh, wait, I think she's coming
right now.
Oh, hey, Jesse, how are you?
I'm great. How are you?
Very good to see you.
Come on over here.
Oh, hi!
Hi! How are you?
Come on right over here.
Hello, how are you?
So nice to meet you.
Wait, do you guys
know each other?
Yeah, man. Hello, I should
have hugged you too.
Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you.
Nice to see you.
Thanks for coming.
Hey, thanks. I'm a fan, yeah.
Really?
- Yeah, yeah, I be following.
I love her escapades with Karen.
Oh, yeah.
It's so nice, the patience
you have with her.
Can I pet these guys?
Absolutely.
Of course.
Hi sweetheart!
Oh, yum. Yeah, get
that.
So this is Curtis right here.
These, they be spitting, no?
Mhmm, they do, yep.
Curtis be spitting.
Is Curtis named after 50 Cent?
He is not named
after 50 Cent.
Just, he just looked
like a Curtis.
They be spitting anyway.
But they be spitting.
Well, thanks for coming,
Jesse. This is cool.
Thank you for having-
listen,
you do not have to
bend my arm much
to get me to a farm, man.
Yeah?
Yeah. This is a vacation
for me right now.
Nice, nice.
Mmm yummy, delicious!
Oh, she's
speaks Spanish.
I speak a little Spanish.
- Yes?
- A little.
Excellent.
Now, you're from Colombia
originally?
My family's from Colombia.
I was born in Toronto,
but my family's from Colombia.
Nice. That's good.
That's why you, that's why
you can speak Spanish.
That's why I can speak.
It was my first,
so I only spoke Spanish
till I was five.
And then in school is when
I started to learn English.
Oh, really? Okay. In Toronto.
Mhmm. In Toronto, yeah.
- Yeah, nice.
- Mhmm.
And now you're in L.A.
Bi-coastal. L.A., L.A., and
then back home to Toronto.
All right. Back to Toronto.
Go Blue Jays.
Go Blue Jays. Go Blue Jays.
Go Blue Jays.
What's everyone's name?
Craig.
Mike.
Greg.
Ante.
Craig, Mike, Greg, and Ante.
Right.
So, I'm kind of into
broadcasting myself.
Glenn Humplik is as well.
We started doing broadcasting on
Ottawa University radio station
back in the 80s.
So, we went on to be seen on
shows such as
The Tom Green Show on MTV
and other shows as well.
Now I've decided to move back
and
get off the grid, so to speak,
and be here just in case of,
you know, global apocalypse.
And it'd be nice to be able
to potentially broadcast
on shortwave radio. That's why
I reached out to you guys,
so we could kind of
run the show.
Go ahead, tell us what
we're doing here today.
We've got the International
Space Station that's gonna be
doing a pass overhead.
So we're gonna be talking
to the astronauts?
We're gonna be talking to
other hams like us, okay,
who are gonna be transmitting
their signal
towards the space station.
Oh, so you're sort of
bouncing off the--
Exactly.
Using the space station
as an antenna.
Yeah.
As a way of speaking to
people around the world.
Exactly.
Isn't that amazing?
Yeah. Well, so you're gonna
hear people calling, let's say,
Alpha Bravo 1, Charley Delta,
Foxtrot November 00.
Okay, all right.
Okay, so that's
their call sign.
And then your grid
square. And our grid square.
Foxtrot November 14.
So this is the kind
of antenna I need?
Not really. For shortwave,
we've got a bigger antenna
that's strung up in the trees.
Okay, so that's the thing
that you can kind of show me
how that works so I can run
my studio.
We'll do that later, and
we can see if we can talk to
other people around the world.
This is like an extra thing.
This will be fun too.
So watch out, guys.
You don't want to get radiated.
So, I'm gonna record
these contacts
so that we can log them
into the logbook afterwards.
Okay.
Because we don't have time
while this is happening.
All right.
There are a lot
of moving parts.
Oh, oh, there.
So, we're starting to hear
some people.
Echo 3 Romeo Charlie.
There.
Victor Echo 3 Quebec November.
Hey, this is Ante here.
FN14, my friend.
Nice to hear you.
So, that's 3 RC?
Heavy 8 Muldale.
We got him.
Can you tell him you're
with Glenn Humplik?
You're here in
Fox November 14
with Tom Green
and Glenn Humplik.
So, we bounced a signal off
the International Space Station
to a guy in Montana.
- Yep.
- That's pretty cool.
That was shift for
Doppler shift here.
Doppler, is that like
Doppler radar?
Yeah.
Like Rochester Doppler radar
with Gabe Dalmath
and Virginia Butler
and Janet Lomax.
It's next to the
House of Guitars.
Yeah.
Some people like to talk.
Some people, they just like
to exchange call signs,
signal strength,
and then they pass on to
the next guy. And it's like
You see how this would have
been a lot more fun, like,
in the 1940s or something?
It's still fun!
- Cheers.
- Cheers. Cheers, so.
Mhmm.
Oh, my God.
There's nothing better than
a cold beer on a summer day.
Cold Canadian Labatt's 50.
This is the first
beer I've ever had.
Yeah, I know.
I stole one from my
dad in the fridge.
I know. Yeah, and
that's why I got it.
Yeah.
Do you go--
You didn't know--
I never told you that.
No, I just assumed.
Glenn, you're here today,
and we're making this
new television show,
and it's been a lot of fun.
We're, of course,
interviewing here in the barn.
We're interviewing people
here in the barn.
By the way, I just want
to say, I love the setup
that you've put together here.
It's amazing.
It's nice, huh?
Yeah, it's cool.
Yeah, I mean, there's bats,
and there's a wasp's nest
up there, and when it rains,
you get wet.
And I have hay fever right now,
but other than that,
it's pretty cool.
Like, it's not the nicest studio
I've ever had, but,
you know, it's pretty good.
You know, we've been
to the mountaintop.
You know, we've been to the peak
of show business.
This was not--
And back, clearly.
This was not meant, this
was not meant as a burn.
No, I know.
It actually looks cool.
It's like, we had a show
in Los Angeles,
we had a show in New York,
and then you kind of come in
here and you're like
This is really nice.
- I would argue this is--
- This is--
I would argue it nicer
than the last studio
we worked out of in Burbank.
This is, this really nice,
Tom. You're doing good.
You're doing good. Eh?
So, thank you.
You're a good friend.
This feels like college
radio right now.
- Yeah, it does. It feels--
- Nothing has changed.
Yeah, it feels like
college radio.
We used to do this on Friday
nights from midnight
till 6:00 in the morning.
Mhmm.
Every Friday,
'cause we were losers,
and didn't have anything
to do on a Friday night.
We'd always go out
before, we had beers.
That's true.
That's true. We would--
Pizza.
Yeah, we did.
We did have beers and pizza,
so we were pretty cool, right?
It was fun.
Back then, having beers and
pizza on a Friday night?
I had a good time.
That's about the coolest
thing one could do
back in those days, beers
and pizza on a Friday night.
When we were doing CHUO,
it was only broadcast
in the bathrooms.
Yeah. I say Ottawa
University Radio.
'cause I think when you say
CHUO,
people don't know what
we're talking about.
CHUO, you say it differently
than I do.
C-H-U-O.
I say C-H-U-O.
C-H-U-O.
You say C-H-Yo.
French. - French, yes.
That's probably it.
- Is it a good idea to speak
French for
- The English?
people tuning in tonight
from the province of Québec?
Maybe, yes. - Okay.
It's always a good idea.
Okay, let's speak
French for maybe two minutes.
For the benefit of the people
in the province of Québec, okay?
I heard that you wanted to
perform your stand-up routine in
French in Québec.
Yes, it's a possibility.
Wow. - It's a possibility.
- Entirely in French?
- Entirely in French.
Wow! - With
jokes and Just for Laughs.
Do you think you could do it?
I'm capable of doing it, yes.
I speak perfect
French, I'm a Quebecer.
- Well sure.
- I'm a Quebecer.
I used to live in
- Gatineau?
- I lived in Québec during
14 years of my life.
No way!
- Yes, 14 years of my life.
- Where?
What, are you an owl?
What, are you an owl?
- No, no, I'm not.
- See, that's a joke in French.
I don't know!
It's a little joke in French.
Are you an owl?
Hoo. What, are you
an owl? See, it's funny.
We just did something
funny in French.
- Oh, my God.
- See, I'm capable of doing it.
Are you actually gonna
do a show in French?
Yeah, that's what
we were just saying.
I know what we said
in French,
and no one is gonna
understand that.
Unless, of course,
Well, the French people
will understand.
Yeah.
Okay. Who gives a fuck
about anyone else?
But you want to do that?
The stand-up show in French.
I do want to do that, yeah.
Are you up for the challenge?
That'd be tough.
No, that's why I want to
do it.
I don't want to do it
'cause it's easy.
French-Canadian humour,
by the way,
is different
than English humour.
I know, that's part of it
too.
It's gonna start out
like this.
Hello!
Hello, gang!
I am a butterfly!
Hello, hello!
Hello, I am a big bird!
I love eating nuts!
Oh, look, a squirrel!
A grey squirrel eating
its nuts for the winter.
Hmm?
- Hmm. Yeah.
Look at that, it's a grey
squirrel eating its nuts
for the winter.
It is. It is. It is.
Well, hello.
Oh!
Are you putting
up a flag, are ya?
What's up, Jay? What's up?
- How are ya?
- Good to see you, man.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for coming
to help me with this.
Yeah, oh yeah,
I'm helping you, am I?
I figured we should raise
this flag together
since we're neighbours,
you know?
Yes. Yeah, I love it.
Okay, there we go.
And, you know, I can thank
the tumultuous political,
current political climate
that--
for my wife actually finally
allowing us
to put up a flagpole, I never--
Oh, good. Like, wasn't there
like a minute there last year
or two years ago where it was
like putting up a flag
was almost kind of like
Yeah, well.
You had to have a
"Fuck Trudeau" sign beside it.
Well, you know, there's--
it gets hijacked
every once in a while.
Yeah.
And, but I'm glad
that it isn't anymore,
and it's a beautiful flag.
We're taking it back.
And we are taking it back.
This would be kind of like--
As I understand it, this is
the only one in the country.
Yeah.
So, it's the only flag
in Canada.
So, amazing that it's
gonna be on your gazebo.
- Thank you, man.
- There it is.
It's an honour to have you
help me do this, Jay.
I know there's nobody more proud
to be Canadian than you, so
Certainly not.
Ay, that a beautiful thing.
That's amazing.
I actually just
got goosebumps.
I actually did too.
That's nice, isn't it?
It's nice to be hokey
once in a while.
That's beautiful.
Ah, it's a lovely thing.
I'm gonna start saying
all sorts of mushy stuff.
Oh, I brought you something.
Oh.
So, I dunno if you remember,
but like in the 80s and 90s,
Time Life used to do
a bunch of like, boxed sets
of like encyclopedias and stuff,
history of the Second World
War, et cetera, et cetera.
Anyway, they had one
one volume on the Canadians.
And so, there it is.
How appropriate.
How nice of you. Thank you, Jay.
- Of course.
- This is awesome.
They've got sort of fake
woodworking on the front cover.
Some voyageurs.
A lot of voyageurs on their
way to portage somewhere.
Yeah, probably got
some beaver pelts.
I would assume, yeah.
Heading to the haberdashery.
That's right.
Taking, playing their role
in the mercantile system
upon which our country
was built.
Man. That's amazing.
And perfect connection
with the flag.
Yeah, that's a great thing.
It's like we planned it, but
we didn't. We didn't plan it.
No, I know. I just rolled up
here with a lav mic
and just ran into ya,
and it's perfect.
Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, came
right out of the bushes there.
That's right.
Even though, yeah,
no, that's no--
Thanks, man.
That's awesome.
- Thank you for having me.
- Let me show you around.
- Let's see it.
- Cool, come on.
I'm gonna run to the store
because Karen ran out
of her boxed red wine.
So
Oh, okay.
If you guys don't mind just
watching them for a few minutes.
Yeah, we'll watch them.
Yeah, we can watch them.
Okay, perfect.
- Daniel and Curtis.
- Daniel and Curtis.
- Okay, best of luck. Thank you.
- Thank you.
- You like animals?
- I love animals.
My great-grandma had this saying
that my mom tells me
all the time, she's like,
"The more I get to know people,
the more I love my dog."
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Animals are the best.
- Animals are the best.
They don't lie. You know,
you like the country,
you like being in the country.
I love being--
that's my angle.
Yeah.
Farm, two horses, two goats,
two dogs, some acres for family.
Uh-huh.
And then no one's ever
gonna see me again.
Yeah. This is your new book.
It is my new book.
Are these songs
or are these poems?
They're poems. I wanted
to release--
I always talk about the artistic
rhythm being like
make and release
and make and release.
Yeah.
But you know, as being a
fellow creative, that like,
this industry is not really
made for that sort of rhythm.
You have to play and you have
to like, you need editors,
you need contracts,
you need prod--
there's a bunch of shit
that goes into it.
And I was frustrated 'cause
I wanted to just drop.
And I figured out a way
to do it on Instagram.
I would just ask people,
What do you want me to make
a song about?
And they'd send in a reply.
So, like, that's-- those are
the people's replies.
Oh, cool.
And then I would make
15-second songs.
And management and the label
couldn't tell me nothing,
'cause it was, like,
little songs.
They're just me on my
guitar. And I would drop them.
I thought it'd be kind of fun
to write about a baby alpaca
at some point, but, you know?
- Okay.
- Like, 'cause like, you know.
That is real life.
I could, like,
just try to strum something,
and while we talk
Oh, and I freestyle?
Baby alpacas in the farm ♪
Okay.
I'm with Tom and it's
not dark outside ♪
Baby alpacas ♪
We're in the farm ♪
It's not dark outside ♪
Hold on, hold on.
I gotta focus. I'm sorry.
The apple's done. I'm gonna,
I'm gonna give you my attention.
One second.
That's-- well, so like, you
like, basically just made up
an entire song
right out of thin air like that.
Out of thin air, yeah.
You've worked with Eminem.
I've worked with Eminem.
What's that like?
How did you work with Eminem?
He saw me performing on a
nighttime television show.
Uh-huh.
On TV, I was doing this song
I have called "Gatekeeper".
And then fast forward a few
months, like, he was like,
"Oh, that's dope", but that's
kind of where it ended.
And then a few months later,
his daughter like,
put it in front of him again
and was like,
"You should reach out to Jesse,
her shit's popping."
And then their team reached out
to ours,
and we got into the studio and
then we started making music.
Is that just a huge sort
of game-changing situation
when you do a song with Eminem?
'Cause everything kind of--
you have a whole millions of new
people that discover you,
or is that--
Yeah, It's interesting 'cause
it definitely already has
obviously a massive fan base,
massive legacy's already built.
So, it was a it was a gift
to get introduced, you know?
It was also funny 'cause
some people like me
and some people don't,
but that's fine.
That's the way it is.
So, it was
it was cool to get both sides.
I have thick skin
and I owe it to my mom,
because when I was a kid,
she always just let me be me
in terms of, like,
any sort of creative expression.
She was very free with me.
And so, for my mom to have
created that space for me,
I know that she was receiving
criticism from other people
being like, "You're letting your
daughter wear that?
You're letting your daughter do
that. You're letting her--"
and she just shielded me,
and let me be me.
So, like how did it get
started
when you started making music?
How did it get to the point
where all of a sudden
you're recording and touring
and like, what's the
what's the beginning process
of getting that going?
I always loved it. And I
would like busk downtown a lot.
I would busk at Kensington
and shit.
Really?
Yeah, man, just doing random
auditions for like,
girl groups and shit.
And then I joined this thing
called the Remix Project.
That's a youth program
in Toronto.
Shout out to the Remix Project.
That changed my life too,
because it was the first time
that someone who had
achieved success
had been put in front of me.
'Cause my whole life,
this was a dream,
but it was a dream
I always saw on a screen.
So, it wasn't-- it just, it
wasn't, it didn't feel real
until I saw a human in front
of me that I was like,
oh fuck, you've
you've been to the other side
of the rainbow. You--
verification that it exists,
and it made it that much more
plausible.
I remember there was a time
when, you know,
there was some Canadian hip-hop,
but it never really broke
in the US.
Mhmm. There was a ceiling.
And then all of a sudden,
in the the last ten years,
it's just all the biggest
hip-hop and pop artists
are from Canada.
Mhmm.
Justin Bieber, Drake,
The Weeknd, you.
What's going on?
How'd that happen?
Man, I feel like it was just
due. We were just due.
It always makes me proud
when I see Canadians
doing big things, you know?
Amen.
Yeah. You want to try to sing
another song for the--
- for this one?
- Hell yeah!
Hola. That might
be good, hola.
Hola alpaca ♪
Senor alpaca ♪
Yeah, can you actually talk
to the space station as well?
You can, but usually schedule
that for special events
with kids in schools
and things like that.
Okay.
So, as they fly over,
a school somewhere in the world
will be contacting them,
the kids will be
asking them questions.
It's always fun
how they do that.
I remember I was in school
watching
when the shuttle exploded.
Yeah, that was something.
It's always fun
when the kids get involved.
Yeah, I guess they didn't
really know it was gonna
blow up that day when they
brought the TV out in class.
- No, no, no.
- Sad story.
Yeah.
What are you laughing at,
Glenn?
- Nothing.
- Nothing funny about that.
No, it's not.
So, what else do we got
going on here?
I don't know if you can see
it, it's hard to see,
but we got an antenna
in that big green tree there.
We used a pneumatic launcher
to get it over the top.
What? You did that?
We're gonna do
another one, though.
Oh, yeah, we got to film that.
Yeah.
And then we gotta figure out
how to hook it up
to the radio station here,
and we're gonna start our own
little radio station.
We'll help you with that.
We'll try and give you
some ideas.
Like Christian Slater in
"Pump Up the Volume".
Remember that?
- Remember?
- Yeah.
That was a good movie,
that was a good flick.
Is that why you guys
got into this?
No.
Was that cool when Christian
Slater came out, though,
with that?
Oh, absolutely.
Pump up the volume ♪
Pump up the volume,
dance, dance ♪
La, la, la ♪
La, la, la, la, la ♪
La, la, la ♪
It's the hottest day
of the year so far,
and the hottest day in June
on record
means we've got some hot,
hot horses, a hot mule,
and a hot donkey.
Today, we're just going to
do everything we can
to keep these ladies
comfortable.
Got some nice watermelon
for them.
And it's a frozen watermelon.
It's like a watermelon slushie.
They're going to be very
happy about it, I'm sure.
Also decided that I'm
going to give little Aria,
the one-year-old fawn,
her first cool shower.
Fanny, of course, learned last
summer, after our hot rides,
that she would enjoy a nice,
cool, refreshing bath
from the hose.
Kia and Aria,
it's their first day today,
being cooled off by the cool
water from the well here
that spouts from the earth
here on the funny farm.
If you were to put a
percentage on, like a rough,
rough estimate, how much
of your day do you spend
driving around on this
gator thing?
Honestly, it's really-- I
only use it now 'cause we're,
you know, filming.
Yeah, right.
Normally, it's the mule.
Normally, I'm riding Fanny.
You do not!
Oh, yeah, every day,
every day.
Thanks for coming by.
Thank you for having me.
I appreciate your, you know,
what you just told me.
Well, yeah. I was just,
I told you
that I didn't smoke weed
when I got up this morning,
which is usually what I do with
my cup of tea at the cottage.
Now, do you smoke marijuana
every day?
Do you talk about that
type of stuff publicly?
I do, yeah, sure. Yeah.
It depends what I have to do
that day, but yeah,
I certainly do.
Has it been a big change
since they legalized marijuana
in Canada, for marijuana users?
It's the best.
It's nice to be
back in Canada.
You lived down there for
basically 20 years plus.
- Yep, yeah, 21 years.
- Straight too.
You know, just being out
in the country like this,
just out in the nature is just
a huge difference on its own.
You definitely are one of
the more vocal, proud Canadians
in the world of show business.
Yeah, maybe.
It seems sometimes some
people don't talk about
their Canadian-ness
as much as you.
Yeah. On my mom's side,
my mother grew up in a military
family where, mercifully,
ours was never a household where
the brass ring was abroad.
You know, for better or worse,
in my family,
we were raised to believe that
this was the best country
the world had come up with
so far, and that it--
and that we came by that
honestly,
because my family has served
the country for generations.
And then on my dad's side,
my dad was an immigrant.
My dad's family picked Canada
after, you know,
sort of fleeing some kind of
difficult situations
where they came from.
Canada gave them a life
and prosperity,
and the ability to be
who they wanted to be.
At 18, I started working
in the States.
And so, that just kind of like
made me even more--
dug my heels into that stuff
even more.
I mean, you started as a
in a children's show.
Yeah.
So, you've been doing
this for a long time.
95, since 1995, yeah.
What was that show called?
I got killed in the opening
of an episode of
"Are You Afraid of the Dark"?
And then I did a show called
"My Hometown"
when I was like 12.
Started when I was 12.
And we shot that like,
every summer for a few years.
It was on the YTV
back in the day.
Oh yeah. Yeah.
But yeah. What year
was year one for your,
for the Cogeco or Rogers thing
in Ottawa?
I started my Rogers
show in '94.
Okay, yeah.
I got down to L.A. to work
in 2000.
And so, it was kind of
around the same time.
I remember this, also because
there was a time in Los Angeles
where, if anybody heard
you were Canadian,
the fucking first thing
out of their mouth was,
"Do you like Tom Green?"
Yeah.
I apologize.
No, it was the best. We were
so proud. We were all so proud.
And you were working
with Seth Rogen,
another legendary Canadian.
Indeed, yeah.
That's right, yeah.
So, that's interesting. I
always found that interesting
'cause there was sort of a
Canadian group there.
Yeah.
Working with Judd Apatow
and a bunch of American folks.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, was there some sort
of
I don't know, Canadian sort of
shorthand,
or was there any sort of
Certainly, yeah.
You know, did you sometimes
mess with the Americans about,
you know, you probably all
think we live in igloos?
I mean, I was insufferable
to--
and I take this opportunity to
apologize to all the Americans
that knew me in that time.
Very Canadian thing
to do is to apologize.
Yes, it is. But I would never
miss an opportunity
to educate any of them
on anything.
Mhmm.
And so, I was that guy who,
if somebody mentioned something,
I would be like, "Oh, yeah,
they're Canadian."
"Oh, yeah, that's a Canadian
invention."
"You can thank Canada for that."
Yeah, I know you make a lot
of Canadian movies
and Canadian shows, but do you
think people will try to make
more Canadian stories?
I think on a bigger scale,
I just don't know
that it'll be in Hollywood.
Mhmm.
I know that all I care about
going forward is
is Canadian stories on screen.
You directed Goon.
I did the second Goon.
Michael Dowse directed
the first Goon.
Oh, okay.
Michael Dowse, director of
"It's All Gone Pete Tong"
and the "Fubar" movies,
a pretty incredible director.
And he and I are actually
building a feature
to do hopefully, hopefully
this fall, maybe next year.
We're doing the real story,
true story of Ken Carter.
I don't know if you know
"The Devil At Your Heels"?
If you ever saw that movie about
a guy who tried to jump
the St. Lawrence River
in a rocket car in the 70s?
Oh, wow, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I remember that.
And that wasn't Evel Knievel.
No, yeah, it was Ken
Carter, a Montreal boy.
Right.
And so, Dowse wrote
an amazing script
that he's directing,
and I'm gonna play Carter.
You've been in some
of the biggest movies.
Yeah.
So, you can compare what it's
like making a movie in Canada
to making a movie in the United
States with huge budgets.
Yeah.
Huge war, epic war movie you
made, "Tropic Thunder".
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Hilarious movie.
Yeah, very good movie.
Very good movie.
How does that compare when
you're making a movie like that
to making a movie in Canada?
Obviously it's different,
but it must be also extremely
exciting to be in a movie
with Robert Downey Jr.?
And Jack Black and Ben
Stiller and Nick Nolte.
And also that specific movie,
to your question about
what's the difference,
in my experience, the difference
working on American-produced
and Canadian-produced stuff
is just scale, typically.
And so, the American shit,
you just--
money gives you time and
bells and whistles.
And so, you know, you get kind
of, you get to shoot that movie
for seven months as opposed to
a month and a half or something,
right?
Like, "Blackberry" we shot for
what is, by Canadian standards,
a long time.
We had 35 days to shoot that.
That's a long shoot, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Tropic Thunder was like
90 something
or 80 something shooting days.
I left to go down to Hawaii
on Canada Day,
and I came home-- we stopped
shooting US Thanksgiving.
But the job is the same.
The job, whatever you're doing
in this world,
is to be truthful in the most
interesting kind of way
you can be.
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
What are we gonna do today ♪
Yeah.
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
I know girls with your hair,
but their hair is fake ♪
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
I know you like apples,
but all I got is hay.
I know you like apples,
but all we got is hay ♪
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
I know Tom's lying, I saw his
fridge, and he's got some cake ♪
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
How are you doing over there ♪
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
Holy shit behind the bushes,
there's a bear ♪
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
I love the fuzzy circles
that you got on your butt ♪
Hola, Senior Alpaca ♪
There's some squirrels around
here, I wish I had some nuts ♪
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
You know what's crazy when
you sing
it kinda sounds like
you're in key ♪
Hola, Senor Alpaca ♪
But I'm the star here,
so please don't try to outshine
me ♪
Ha. Yeah, ouch!
Hola ♪
That's crazy.
Did anyone hear that?
He's doing it in key, bro.
That's fucking lit.
That's so cool.
Oh, my God. Thank you guys so
much for watching these guys.
They were-- it took
a little longer, right?
Mhmm.
They're out of Karen's
favourite wine, so--
Goddamn it, Karen.
You guys got to take off?
We're gonna take off.
Thank you. Bye. -
It was so good seeing you.
- Nice seeing you too.
Thanks, Amanda. We'll see you.
See you later.
We'll see you on Useless
Farm. Thank you. Thank you.
- Bye.
- Bye, Curtis.
What's your QTH and your name?
Okay, my name
is Bill.
Bravo, India, Lima, Lima,
and I'm about 30 miles or so
from Birmingham, Alabama, QSL.
Birmingham, Alabama?
Yeah, QSL, QSL.
Well, listen, I'm gonna pass
the mic over here
to a friend of mine.
Hey, Bill, how you doing?
It's Tom Green
and Glenn Humplik.
Tom, nice to make
your acquaintance.
What kind of work do you do,
or are you a student,
or what's your situation?
I'm starting a public
access radio show.
And I'm hoping to get
into broadcasting.
Okay. Well, that,
that sounds interesting.
Do you have the internet
there?
If you have the internet, go
check out my website right now,
TomGreen.com,
T-O-M-G-R-E-E-N.com,
and you'll actually be able to
see some videos on there
of the exact spot we're standing
here now in Ontario, Canada.
Hey, this is Tom Green here
in Ontario, Canada,
and just checking in to see
how you're doing,
and ask you where you are, QT,
Zulu, Bravo, Extra, Targa,
Backslash, Japan 4.
Well, I fully
understand
what you're talking about there.
I'm located in South Carolina.
Pretty interesting contact.
Good to talk to you.
Very cool.
Good to talk to you, too.
You may remember my friend
Glenn Humplik and I
from our show on MTV.
We were on in the United States
of America
back in the early 2000s.
I went to #1 on Total Request
Live with "The Bum Bum Song".
"My bum is on the cheese.
My bum is on the cheese."
The Tom Green Show.
You remember us?
Well, vaguely.
That was a long time ago.
I do recall watching
The Tom Green Show at one point.
Oh, there you go. Vaguely.
But yeah, I just don't
remember exactly what happened.
Like I said, that was
a long time ago.
I was I was 13 years old
at the time.
Well, that would have been
our target demographic,
for sure. Okay, how about this?
Daddy, would you like
some sausage ♪
Daddy, would you like
some sausages ♪
That's from my movie,
"Freddy Got Fingered".
I didn't see that one,
but I'll put it on my list
there, Tom.
I'm starting a new podcast,
and I'm trying to get
some new listeners,
and we're gonna be broadcasting
via ham radio.
Are you gonna listen?
What's the schedule?
When do you do that?
Every evening at 8 o'clock.
You can also check out
my YouTube channel.
Do you have YouTube
where you are?
Yeah, my-- yes and no.
The connection is really slow.
But just give me the name
of your channel,
I'll just make a note.
It's Tom Green.
T-O-M-G-R-E-E-N.
YouTube.com/Tom Green.
All right,
thank you for sharing.
Have a great weekend, Tom Green.
What, you don't want
to talk to me anymore?
Now, what's this?
Is this like a telegraph machine
or something?
That's a CW key, actually,
for Morse code.
- Oh, okay, yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, boy, you got all the
forms of communication here.
I do, I do.
Just in case
the telephone doesn't work,
you can do Morse code, too.
Exactly. It's way
more fun anyways.
Yeah.
Brought a little something
here for you.
So, there's one here
one here for you from me.
Okay.
Yeah, just as a little
Thank you so much.
It was a fantastic time.
Are you serious?
It's a Morse code key
for you.
Oh, wow, my own
Morse code key.
Yeah, with your--
With my face on it.
Yeah, and your name
in Morse code.
Oh, that is so nice.
That is very nice. Look at that.
Wow, that is a beautiful thing.
I'm gonna keep that
on my desk of the new show.
Awesome.
But no, things are good.
Doing fine. Thanks for asking.
You look fine. You look good.
Actually, I've noticed this is
something, an observation.
Yeah.
You look muscular.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Which is weird, because
you've always been sort of
not on the muscular side
of things.
Thank you. I've been throwing
hay bales around.
No, no, but I mean,
look at that. Look at that.
You never had that.
Look at that.
Yeah. Huh?
Like you actually look kinda
a little bit buff.
Dare I say,
this is the healthiest
you look, physically,
in your life.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
I've also not been drinking
as much, so that's good.
Okay. No, I think
the exercise shows.
Mhmm.
Like it's-- I haven't seen
you in a few months.
Yeah.
And it's noticeable.
Yeah, I haven't been
drinking whiskey.
Basically the occasional beer.
And mostly non-alcoholic beer.
I saw it in the beer store.
I thought, non-alcoholic beer?
That's perfect.
I'm not an alcoholic.
That's for me.
Do you not miss it?
I don't miss it. No, but this
has got alcohol in this one.
- These are good.
- Yeah.
But this is a special
occasion.
I mean, we've had a lot
of studios over the years,
haven't we, Glenn? How many
studios have we been in?
One oh, my God,
one eight?
Probably. Probably.
I'm trying to think back.
Probably eight, yeah.
Eight television studios
The Tom Green Show was in.
There was the Rogers studio.
Rogers. CBC.
And there was the CBC pilot, yeah.
Then there was the
Canadian Comedy Network Studio.
Three.
And then there was
the MTV in New York.
New York.
And there was MTV
in Los Angeles.
Santa Monica. Then there
was MTV in Burbank.
In beautiful downtown Burbank.
Ooh, that was a rough spot.
It was a nice studio.
It was just getting there
that was terrifying.
Well, there was also like
crack dealers across the street.
That was perfect for you
though, right?
Right before the show?
Uh, well, yeah.
You'd go get your fix
right before the show.
I would try to avoid
that on most days.
You got a little nervous.
You go over there and--
It was a little nerve-wracking
to leave at night.
Did you ever smoke crack
before the show?
No.
After?
No. No.
Okay, five, six,
and then what?
I've been around a celebrity
that smoked crack around me, though.
Oh, yeah?
I'm not gonna mention the
name. I'll tell you afterwards,
but
What fun is that?
Not a friend of mine,
but someone we know.
Yeah, okay well--
Who smoked crack in Las Vegas.
If it's not a friend of yours,
why don't you tell
everybody then?
Hmm. No, no.
- You're just not
that kind of guy?
- No.
Who was it? Who smoked crack?
I'm not telling you
who smoked crack.
- Who smoked crack?
- I'll tell you later.
You know what it is when you
bring up a story like that?
It makes it sound like we were
some sort of weirdos.
Like some sort of shady
individuals.
No, no, no. No, it was
it was a it was a
We were nice people.
We're nice people.
We got invited to, I think
Jeffrey Epstein's party?
- No, it was a--
- No?
- No, no, similar.
- Diddy's? Diddy's party?
Duran Duran.
Oh, Duran Duran's party.
Yes.
Oh, and they were all
smoking crack out there?
They weren't smoking crack.
You're saying Duran Duran's
a bunch of crack smoking?
No, but someone, someone,
someone at the party
was smoking crack.
That doesn't make it sound
even, that makes it sound
even more impossibly untrue.
It was weird. It was weird
being around people
who smoke crack.
Yeah, it's just,
yeah, I mean--
I'm not-- we're Canadian.
I wouldn't have brought it up
for-- to be honest with you.
No, it just came up.
I wouldn't have brought it up
at all.
I would have just
talked about something else.
There's so many things you
could talk about and
you know, you got to bring
up smoking crack backstage
at the Duran Duran show?
Yeah.
With some celebrity?
Yeah.
Well, Glenn Humplik's
here. And it's exciting.
Thank you for having me on.
It's fun.
Exciting to have you here.
Yeah, we're gonna have to do
more of this.
Back in action, huh?
It's fun. It's fun.
Glenn Humplik.
Older, but better.
Yeah, absolutely.
Better at what exactly?
I'm not sure. Living.
Cuckoo goes the cuckoo bird ♪
Cuckoo ♪
I'll give you some eggs.
Okay, thank you.
Fresh eggs.
This is my literal,
this is my ideal future.
You finding lots of
eggs in there, Jesse?
Yeah, man.
It feels like Easter.
Okay, good, good.
How often do they lay?
Like, I think each
chicken will lay
between one and two eggs
per day.
A day?
- A day, yeah.
- Forever?
Forever, yeah.
We have seven chickens.
You don't go in there
for a couple of days,
there'll be, like,
25 eggs in there.
No way!
Yeah, so it's no shortage
of eggs around here.
How long do eggs last?
They last well, the thing
is, we have a rooster now,
so like, sometimes there'll be
a little chicken growing on it.
Because the rooster's
getting down.
That's right.
Sgt. Pepper's getting it.
Sgt. Pepper's having
a good time.
So, we kind of have to
like, eat them quickly
before their little chicken
starts to grow.
How many days you got?
I'm not really sure.
We just got the rooster.
- I don't know how it works yet.
- So, you're just winging it.
Yeah, 'cause kind of--
- Winging it. Ah!
- Yeah, no pun intended, yeah.
How-- have you opened an egg
and had a baby chicken in there?
Not yet, no. We're just
eating them too fast.
- Yeah?
- Are you going on tour now?
So, I'm technically on tour
right now. I'm on my book tour.
But technically, I'm also
on a break of my music tour.
So, my break was more touring.
And then when my break is over,
then I'll start my music leg
again.
And we do shows
on the West Coast.
And then I do
my Canadian leg of the tour.
You bring a band with you?
Hell yeah, I bring my band
with me. Those are my guys.
- Amazing.
- Thank you.
So, you got some eggs there.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- We got some eggs.
So, Tom, on behalf of
the Amateur Radio team,
we brought a little treat.
- Yeah.
- For the ladies here.
Okay, yeah, wow.
40 large worms.
Oh, look at that.
- In French.
- You want to feed one to them?
This is a treat to ♪
Oh, whoa, look at that.
Oh, yeah, look at that.
That one's hungry.
That is good. Here we
go. Here, guys, look.
Look, guys, look.
There, they're getting them now.
There you are. What a nice treat
for these guys. Huh?
This is for Fanny and
Kia and their friends.
Okay, wow, okay.
This is so nice.
Oh, some carrots.
And some apples.
And some apples, wow.
And there are smaller
and bigger carrots.
Oh, that is so nice.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, guys.
Of course, last but not least.
Oh, okay, what's
I'll give you that.
You'll know who it's for.
Oh, yeah, we've got some nice
bones for Charley.
Thank you, guys. That's awesome.
Okay, well,
let's keep this party going.
Yeah.
Acting, was that
something that you studied,
or did you just have
a natural ability to
I definitely learned it.
I never studied it.
I definitely learned it
over time, you know.
But I-- no, I have
a high school education,
and that's that.
And I, now, luckily, I started
acting when I was 12 or 13,
but I just, like, kinda figured
it out, 'cause-- or tried to.
But also, I always
figured it out as a function
of the thing I was doing,
because my mother said to me
when I first came on set,
was she said,
"You want to be a director
when you grow up.
You don't want to be an actor.
This is the best film school
in the world.
So, every day
that you're an actor,
make sure you're learning,
you're paying attention,
ask questions, and blah, blah,
blah, and absorb all of it."
And so, I got into acting
'cause I loved movies,
not the other way around.
And so, I have always tried to
do the thing that I was needed,
that I was required to do.
Not make everything a fucking
guitar solo, you know?
Some actors you can see when--
you can see they see the movie
in their head,
other actors you can see
they see their demo reel
in their head.
I think I've been both of those
guys at different times,
but at 43, having done this for
30, 31 years,
I think the kind of, if I can,
say--
the closest I can come to
describing what I do, it's like,
yeah, being truthful
in as compelling a way
as I can manage.
Do you find it intimidating
when you're on a big movie set
like that?
Or have you been doing it
so long that you just kind of
I've only been scared
on one set.
Because, so I was lucky when
I was like, 22 or something.
I was in a Clint Eastwood movie
called "Million Dollar Baby".
Right.
That won a bunch of Oscars.
And so, my first day on set
there,
I was absolutely mortified.
And it was like a thing
I wasn't used to.
Because there's a few spots in
my life where I'm never daunted,
never anxious, and I am at
the top of the hill.
And being on set was always
one of those.
And I think that's just 'cause
I've been doing it
since I was a kid, you know?
And I also loved it.
I love being on set.
So, I wasn't used to
being scared on set.
And then I got to the set
of Million Dollar Baby,
and it was incredibly daunting.
Clint Eastwood's
directing you.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
And Morgan Freeman
is acting with me.
Right.
And I had this idea, this
notion in my head that, like,
oh, Clint Eastwood,
my granddad, God rest him,
he was a big fan of Eastwood.
He hadn't heard of Judd Apatow
or any of these people
that are incredible.
Like, but my granddad, I've
worked with some special people,
but my granddad didn't know
who David Cronenberg was,
or Ben Stiller, or Judd Apatow,
or Roger Avery,
or any of these people.
But Eastwood is Eastwood.
Sure.
And so, I was like,
had this weight of,
I cannot fuck this one up, man.
Mhmm.
And I was like scared
shitless. And every--
And also, when especially, when
you're younger as an actor,
you're really desperate
for validation
after every single take,
or at least I was,
where I would, like,
need someone to tell me
that was awesome or whatever,
you know.
And so at every take I'd say,
"How was that?
How was that, sir?"
And he'd always just say,
"That was fine,
that was good, that was fine."
And every time I was like,
oh God.
And like, I started envisioning
in my head, I was like,
he's having a quiet, that--
I just saw him do this
to somebody.
He was telling somebody
to call the casting director,
call my agent to tell them
they need to replace me.
I could just picture, I was
chess moving all of the like,
hushed conversations on phones
about,
"Get this fucking kid
away from our set", you know?
And I was just like, God, this
is so embarrassing.
And I think Morgan Freeman
saw me kind of in my head.
'Cause he like, leaned over
unsolicited and said,
"If he doesn't say anything,
it means he likes it."
I was like, "Oh, okay. Okay.
Right, right, right."
Because he hired me to do
the thing I did in the audition.
Uh-huh.
So, he would only tell me,
don't paint like that
if I was painting wrong.
And that's kind of the thing.
He hires people to do the thing.
He lets them do it.
You only hear from him
if you're doing it wrong.
Uh-huh.
And it was this, talk about
a lightbulb going on.
For me, it was,
that saved my career.
Because from that point on,
never, never again did I ever
ask for one more take.
Give me one more take?
Can I try again?
And from that point on,
people would say,
"Well, how do you feel?" I was
like, "Fine, I don't know,
doesn't matter. How do you feel?
You're cutting it.
You're directing it."
How I feel about it
means nothing.
If you've got the thing
that you need,
if I did the thing you need
me to do for your movie,
then that's the end of my job
as actor.
Well, that saved
my fucking life, man.
What a cool moment to have
in your head, though.
Yes.
And then Morgan Freeman
leaned over.
Yeah.
I'm just sitting there,
I'm lowing my head.
Clint Eastwood, did he like it?
And Morgan Freeman leaned over.
I know. I know.
Saw that I was a little
Pretty cool. He was lovely, man.
He was a really, really,
they were both incredibly kind
with me.
Well, this has been
so much fun.
I mean, this has been
amazing to get to hang.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for this
incredible book.
Of course, yeah.
Oh, it's got an inscription.
Yeah. "To Uncle Metro."
The best thing to be
written in there.
I don't know what that means,
but it's incredible.
To Uncle Metro. Wow.
Thanks for having
me, Uncle Metro.
Yeah, absolutely. Thanks, Jay.
Awesome, cool.
- Awesome.
- Cheers.
So, what is this?
This is our antenna.
This is what we're using to
transmit our signal, Tom.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is the antenna.
It's really simple.
It's basically just wire
and some coax
to connect to the radio.
Okay. And you fired
that up over the tree?
We did.
I didn't get to see
how you did that.
Would you like to
see how we did that?
Can we see that real quick
now before the light's gone?
Yeah. You want to shoot it?
Sure, okay, yeah, yeah.
All right. So, we're going to
release this.
And then you want to aim.
To the tree.
So, aim for the tree.
- Yeah.
- Aim.
- Above the tree?
- Yeah.
Nice. Nice.
Not bad for a first shot.
Thank you. We did it.
- Pleasure.
- Yeah. We did it.
- Teamwork.
- Yeah. Thank you. Very cool.
You know, they
can scratch, see?
Okay.
Their little toes there.
- Okay.
- You got like
So, watch the toes.
- Watch the
- Okay.
Toes. So, just kind of.
- Hello.
- There.
Hello. You're so cute.
You know what's so cool about
them? The stabilizing.
Yeah.
- Eh? Isn't that so elite?
- Yeah.
You always have to hold them
like this,
or can you cradle?
You can kinda,
you can kinda--
- You can cradle?
- Yeah, they're pretty calm.
They like music too, by the way.
You don't, I guess you
don't name them. Huh?
Well, I did at one point,
but I stopped naming them.
Because?
Well, 'cause sometimes
coyotes get them.
- Oh.
- And it makes you sad.
But I'm just falling in love
again and again and again today.
Have you eaten one
of your chickens?
- I don't eat the chickens, no.
- Nice.
These are just egg chickens,
strictly for egg chickens.
- I love that.
- Yeah.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Having a farm might turn
me into a vegetarian.
It's interesting
that you say that,
'cause I've been thinking
about that myself.
Get out of here.
Yeah. Like a lot of farmers
will shoot the coyotes.
You know, I don't shoot
the coyotes.
- Yeah.
- I just buy more chickens.
You have no idea how hard
I've been going lately.
And this to me, like, refuels.
Yeah.
I swear, it's work,
but it feels like a day off.
Absolutely. That's what
we like to do,
just kind of slow down a little
bit out here in the country.
- So, nice. Hi, Charley.
- Right here. Yeah.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hello, my baby.
Yeah.
Hi sweet girl!
What a nice dog,
Yeah. Oh yeah.
you're beautiful!
Yeah, get it. Ooh.
Well, it seems like
this chicken
has really taken a liking
to you, Jesse.
Yeah. You want her?
Yes.
You can take her if you want.
I can't. I don't have
anywhere to put her.
Okay, you can't have her then.
- But one day.
- Yeah.
Maybe when I get
my first farm,
you could give me
my first chicken.
- Absolutely, yeah.
- Nice.
You know, we'll send
some chickens over.
Great. Sick.
I love that you guys just
hit the ground running,
- and figured it out.
- Yeah.
Because that's pretty
much what I'm gonna do.
Yeah.
Hit the ground running
and figure it out.
It's not as complicated
as you would think.
The hardest part about it
is deciding to do it
in the first place.
Hmm. Isn't that just
a life thing?
That applies everywhere in life, eh?
Uh-huh.
The hardest part is just
just the first step.
That was a great day.
Jesse Reyez, everybody!
All right, all right.
What a day, what a day,
what a day, what a day.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.
It was great. I'll be back.
Cool. That's a wrap. Okay.
Sweet.
Thanks for watching.
This has been another episode of
The Tom Green Farm.
We'll see you next time.
My name is Tom Green from
The Tom Green Farm, signing off,
and that's the end of the show.
I don't think we can use that.
That's not the way
you sign off a show.
Okay, we'll use it.
I don't know what I'm gonna
sing about tonight ♪
All I know is it's
gonna be all right ♪
And I don't know what I'm
gonna do with my life ♪
All I know, we ain't going
down without a fight ♪
And I got a feeling ♪
Tonight I'm gonna smoke
too many cigarettes ♪
You can take that bet ♪
And I got a feeling ♪
This whiskey will be healing
what makes me sad ♪
But don't feel bad ♪
Just stay awake till
the morning light ♪
Bill Hicks said
'It's just a ride' ♪
difuze