The Trades (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

1
What the?
Is this normal?
Yeah, I think it is.
They're crazy,
but they're harmless.
There's more
protestors than crew.
Yeah, on holidays a skeleton
crew keeps the lights on.
Just you wait.
More people will trickle
in to help build the float.
You wanna do
the parade after?
Is that even a choice?
Is Christmas a choice?
Jesus Auds, it's
fuckin' Labour Day!
The highlight of a
tradesman's year!
We march together
and celebrate us!
And we show how grateful
we are to the town.
Yeah and we dummy every chilled
keg on Main Street afterwards.
Wow. That is some top shelf
community engagement
right there.
Hey VanLeuen!
You're about a year early.
Got booked last minute.
Double time.
Integrity checks,
soil samples.
We do all the checks!
Well, maybe not well enough.
Fuck you!
Is that bad news?
Not today.
Atta boy.
Now you go in there
and you build yourself a stellar
float and enjoy yourself.
Merry Christmas!
Fuck yeah!
No need to knock.
Rule of thumb,
when the doors open a crack,
it means enter.
Smells good in here.
Okay.
Nice espresso machine!
Oh, by all means.
Say, you're tied
into corporate.
You'd let us know
Oh shit. Sorry.
You'd let us know if any
significant changes were coming.
Just help yourself to a latte.
You have the weight of the world
on your shoulders, Todd.
Well, we've been falling
behind on our targets
and now you're bringing
in third parties.
I'm getting a handle on
the clean-up after Bennett.
The environmental
check is part of that.
Are you trying to catch
us with our dicks out?
No offence.
Let me ask you this:
Would you describe
Randy Bennett
as "organized"
or "negligent"?
The second one.
I mean, we all knew
he was a mess.
Why didn't corporate
do something earlier?
You're like three
years too late.
And I had to run defensive
coverage on his bullshit.
This thing is dumb.
I get there can
be animosity
between corporate
and the front line.
Yeah. This is an
example of why,
because corporate
doesn't listen to us.
Conch is a hundred percent
behind this refinery.
This town.
Which is why they
approved two floats
in the parade this year.
Okay, I guess you think
that makes everything-
Wait, what?
Two floats?!
Every year I email head
office with that exact idea,
never hear back.
Chelsea:
Well, now you will.
And it's good to have
someone on the inside.
Yes. Yes!
Oh no, no, no!
Todd :
Are you trying to catch
us with our dicks out?
No offence.
Chelsea :
Let me ask you-
Labour Day celebrates
the achievement
of blue-collar workers.
The achievement of you.
Woo! Yes!
I look out here and I
see a sea of colour.
Len:
The diversity of
trade and talent!
Len:
Not now! Later.
Jesus fucking Christ.
What'd I miss?
Sleazy PR guy beakin' off.
We like to
encourage competition
One that spawns innovation!
That's why we are
enlisting not just one,
but two floats in
the parade today.
Fuck yeah!
Holy shit,
I can't believe they
actually read your email.
Todd:
Finally.
We getting paid
double time?!
How does double time work
when we're doing
this volunteer, bud?
So this year's theme
is "The Future of
Conch Industries"
And I thought it would
be fun to have two teams:
the domestic workers
versus the internationals.
So me versus everybody.
Chelsea:
No, no, no.
We're not doing that.
Just one second please.
Is this dildo trying
to start a race war?!
Nah, you've gotta be
more like the Olympics.
He's not fucking serious?
What? You said I could make
the rules for the competition.
Now you're
poo-pooing my idea.
You're the Head of PR.
Think about the optics
of what you just said.
Dang it, you're right.
What if we made a
hundred grand of income
the line in the sand here?
No!
Management versus
Entry-Level?
Guys versus Gals?
Guys and Dolls?
Young versus Old?
And the teams will be
Youngbloods versus Old School.
The youthful and ambitious
against the mature
and experienced.
It is my honour to lead
you in your march today.
And to add to the spirit
of this friendly event,
you can only use
materials found on site.
And judging the best float
will be Medhi Chowdry,
our very own
Chief Engineer.
Alright. Aright.
Alright. Alright.
I know what you're
all thinking
And yes, I can be bribed.
Confetti cannon. Now!
Tradesman 1:
Oh, what the hell?
Tradesman 2:
In your eye!
But you don't
just have one.
Chelsea:
Alright, just wrap
it up, okay.
Wrap it up.
Go make your floats!
Later, geezers.
I'm off to the dream team.
Me too.
Oh shit.
Oh my
Oh, you poor
How can you fuckin'-
You fuckin' poor
Fuck!
Something isn't right.
Did you see the
Enviro-Vestigate guys?
Soil samples,
pressure checks today?
They're using your love
of tradition against you.
I mean, look at you,
you're distracted.
You probably still leave milk
and cookies out for Santa Claus.
I just told you I
think something's up.
It's time for
you to go covert.
They're playing you
like a fuckin' fiddle.
Wait, did you say covert?
I did.
Confirmed.
What tactics are permitted?
Any means necessary.
You are now activated.
Ghost protocol.
No one can know
your objective.
The truth is out there, Homer.
And I want you to find it.
Roger that.
I hear ya.
Homer:
Oh fuck! Son of a bitch!
Oh yeah, you don't
have to drink that.
I'm all good, Chelse.
That went great.
You must have been at a
different assembly than me.
Codename: VAPETRAIL.
The lunchroom is more
deserted than expected.
It is a holiday.
Targets are isolated,
so I'm unable to hear audio.
But I watched a webinar recently
on deciphering body language.
Skill enabled.
Listen, I, uh, hear this
place can't cut the mustard.
Must be stressful
being the one in charge
of shutting it down.
Yeah, just keep
that to yourself.
We can't let that news
get out until we're ready.
Of course not!
What the?
- Fuck! Fuck!
I've been spotted but
I've engaged Stealth Mode.
Vanish!
Len:
Poor suckers.
Well, at least they get
one more Labour Day.
Would'ya look at that.
a sign of dominance.
Similar to the infamous chest
poke of the Illuminati.
You know how tough it was
to spin a drugged-out
boss overdose story?
I tell ya.
Keep coming.
Keep coming.
You gotta bend the knees.
Hey. Hey. Stop. Stop.
Todd's Sister.
Don't do that.
It's a prank.
And if they tell you to
fetch a bucket of steam
or a striped paint,
you tell them
to fuck a tree.
Entiendes?
Ugh!
That's just dangerous.
You're gonna succeed here.
Can I ask you a
personal question?
Maybe.
Would you dance
on the float?
What? No, we're dancing?
Yeah. Years ago I
worked on a cruise ship.
I will choreograph
something for us.
It will be a blast!
Um, I'm as coordinated
as a sandbag.
Todd:
Cheers.
Bottoms up, Fucko.
Catch any sparks, Auds?
Ha ha ha. Very funny.
You look parched.
What? Is-is that Spritzer?
Spritzer?
I think you're on
the wrong team, bud.
We're killing it!
Good vibes, Dewey.
Good vibes.
No, no, no. I mean,
you're a senior citizen.
Nah, I'm young at heart.
Age is just a number.
Yeah, please.
You're two decades away
from the nursing home.
You old freaking timer, you-
And you're like five
seconds away from the ER.
You gonna beat him
with your walker?
Buddy, don't take offence.
We all decided the cutoff
age was 40 flat and fair.
What about you?
Well, I'm only
thirty-nine and a half, Geezy.
Fuck off!
So no one wants to
make an age exception?
Fine, ya buzzkills.
Alright, let's make a bet.
Losing team gets a sharpie
makeover at The Pipe.
Our float is
gonna crush yours.
Really? I'm with the
experienced guys.
And you know what?
They know how to day-drink,
ya young pussies.
Hey, here's the last of the
German metal schlong thing.
Have at 'er boys!
Good call, Jimi.
Alright guys, we gotta win.
There's some stuff
on the line here now.
Tase, we're gonna
destroy them.
Hey Medhi, no drinks today?
Oh. Oh. Well look.
Holy shit!
Everybody's been taking my
bribe comment seriously.
You know what?
I need to refine my sarcasm.
You are gonna
love our float.
We're gonna honour the
engineer that we all love.
The man. The myth.
The fucking Medhi!
Get your tongue
outta my ass, bro.
Yeah, get your tongue
out of his ass, bro.
The fuck?
You corrupt motherfucker.
Yeah!
Some people, hm.
Look, the best
float is gonna win.
And right now I can guess
it's probably not yours.
We'll see about that.
Hey, what's with these
Enviro-Vestigate guys
here on a holiday?
Did you sign off on that?
Eh, eh, eh.
Don't concern yourself
with grownup shit, okay?
Enjoy yourself today.
No workie!
- Alright, alright, alright.
Okay. Who needs help?
Let's go!
We gotta beat
those young fucks!
Wake up you old bastards!
There's only one way to deal
with this kind of operative.
Antihistamines
are a sedative,
but when combined
with Neuroleptics
and just a sprinkle
of Amphetamine,
what you are left with is
the perfect truth serum.
Welcome, Veritas.
Hey boys, Happy Labour Day.
Happy Labour Day.
Hey Stephanie,
great to see you again.
Len, what can I do for you?
It's what I can do for you.
Now we are looking
for tradeswomen
to appear in
Conch industries pamphlets,
web banners and
even trade school textbooks.
Really? What's that pay?
Influencing the next gen of
tradespeople is priceless.
Plus you could be a
brand ambassador.
I've already
monetized my likeness.
You're an influencer?
Mr. Michaels!
Dickwad.
Please, Mr. Michaels
is my father.
Well, I heard you like
your coffee black, sir.
Well, thank you
very much, uh
Ah, Dewey.
Dewey.
Happy Labour Day, Dewey.
You too.
And to us. To us.
Mm-hmm. Really get in there.
I got it.
Hold up! You guys are leaving?
There's no work here for us.
I've seen refineries
half the age of this one
in way worse condition.
Well, that can't be right.
You're expecting
something different?
According to head office,
this place has been operating
like it's been offline.
I mean, it's the last
place in production.
I would love that
to be the truth,
especially to piss off Stool,
but all you have here is
a fully operational plant.
Zero issues.
And we knew Bennett,
so this is a
fricking shocker.
Here.
Have us back any time to double
check your guys work, okay?
Len, it's Dewey.
How you doing?
Elated. Fuzzy.
My feet are sweaty.
Good. Good. Hey, ah,
where you staying
while you're in town?
Best Restin', room 108.
It's tiny.
Good to know.
Good to know.
What happened to
Randy Bennett?
He had an extreme
drug addiction,
which led to a heart attack,
which led to a coma.
What do you know about our
company's patent filings
and board member
stock activity?
Look my friend, I'm in PR,
not business affairs.
I'm on a strictly
need to know basis.
And I prefer not
to know, okay?
Try your Site Manager.
She has all the answers.
Hmmm.
So the Site Manager?
She's the one who
knows the truth.
She knows more than me.
Chelsea:
Hello?
Homer:
That's a bad knee!
Bad knee!
You better be HVAC.
Homer:
Abort. Abort, abort.
Come on, come on, come on!
Chelsea:
What's your name?
Why have you been
spying on me?
I'm only allowed to offer
my badge number and codename.
Oh, I can just look ya up.
I mean, I-I-I can
go against protocol
in the name of preserving
my livelihood.
My name's Homer.
I mean, Eric.
How long have
you worked here?
15 deployments
er years.
Any system failures
over the past three years?
Unscheduled shutdowns?
No ma'am, we've been
firing on all cylinders.
Pipes are pumping.
So it's all been fine?
The weakness in our
team was Bennett.
Based on my
extensive observations,
the narcotics and sex
addiction was a front.
Yeah.
I've been trying to connect
a link between him
and the local
honeybee decline.
Possibly laundering dough.
I've been sent here because
this place is not profitable.
Now the information I've
gathered and what I've seen
tells me different.
So, which is it?
Sure, we take days off,
we have fun.
We climb in the ventilation
from time to time.
But we don't fuck around
when it comes to production.
This company makes bank.
I mean, not
Bilderberg levels.
Conch has a yacht but he
ain't going to space.
Oh, I understand.
The only guy who listens
to people like us,
is Todd.
Backwoods:
Yeah. Boom!
How's the dance going, brother?
Oh yeah!
Smoke that shit, Doggy.
Jimi! One of the
best floats ever!
Yeah, imagine if the real flare
stack came together this quick.
Taser:
It's coming, Jimi.
We're gonna do it.
Your outfit is fuckin' sick!
Oh, thank you.
You think your
team's gonna win?
I don't know.
I got two left feet.
Gotten a good Spanish
lesson though, I guess.
Nice.
Felipe:
The parade is
about to start.
Gotta go.
See you at the bar.
Alright, have fun.
Len:
The weather always
seems to cooperate!
It's like God knows we're
taking care of the planet.
God, you are sweating a lot.
You want me to
get you a towel?
Ah, ah, ah, stop trying
to buy a victory.
I'm trying to look
after the guy.
Shoo! Go on. Fuck off!
Good luck, Tim!
My chariot awaits!
As if!
To victory, boys!
Happy Labour Day!
Todd:
Look at this float!
Check it out!
What do you think?
Isn't this float amazing?
I'm gonna seal the win boys.
Jimi:
Okay, go!
Medhi, slow down!
Medhi! Medhi!
People loving our float.
What do you think?
Ah, not bad for you chumps.
Sorry Tim, all I see is scrap
metal and tinsel.
That
looks like a vagina!
Oh, you kidding me?
A pussy conch?
They win.
Todd:
Come on.
Protester:
Let's go!
Fuck Conch Industries!
Outta my way!
Hey, get out of here, man.
- Outta here!
Hey, corporate assholes!
Hey, come on guys,
grow up.
You're gonna ruin
it for the kids.
You're the one ruining
our planet for our kids!
Take back your crude!
This isn't the owner's
car, ya dumbass.
It's a rental!
Back off from the float!
Fuck off!
Conchie! No!
Oh,
is this your baby?
Hey, are you okay?
Num num.
Alright.
You're fine.
Alright. Yeah, that's
a-that's a good sign.
Protester:
Knock it over!
Shit, that's not good.
Todd:
What are you doing?
That's fucked!
Okay, you guys
gotta calm down.
This is a Labour Day parade.
Come on, Jimi!
I got him!
Okay. Just
Little dick.
Get 'em boys!
You get the fuck
off that float!
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!
Son of a bitch!
Fuck! Fuck, Dewey!
Dewey:
I'm sorry, Todd!
Alright guys, safety first!
Fuck! Fuck!
Everybody to The Pipe!
To the Leaky Pipe!
Come on!
Hey! Hey! Are you okay?
Oh my God.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's fine.
What just happened?
Never seen
anything like this.
You okay?
Yeah. I need to talk
to your brother.
He's at The Pipe.
Okay.
Labour Day!
Jimi:
Aren't you fuckin'
done yet Picasso?
Todd! You're on my shit list
for taking this bet, buddy.
Love you, Jimi!
Let me guess.
War paint joke?
No, I-I want, I want to
fill in your unibrow.
Maybe a dick?
Some balls?
Somethin' classy.
- Cock!
Congrats, amigo.
I thought we had it
with the flare stack,
but your guys'
attention to detail, man.
Did all the research
myself, my man.
Besides, both of our
floats we're fucking!
As far as I'm concerned,
we both won.
Hey, our floats were fucking!
Homer, let me
buy you a beer!
Yeah, listen, I-I'd love that.
First I'd like to debrief you.
Privately.
Don't worry about work, man.
Relax.
Len Michaels was
a dead end, okay?
And this whole
"build two floats" thing
feels like a test bed for moral
and spiritual division, okay?
And listen, any
political lackey will tell you
that the only way to
keep the people down
is to attack the
middle class.
Okay, I caught, like,
a third of that.
Todder, where you at?
Yo!
Oh, there he is.
Ask her, okay?
She's one of us.
Come here.
I gotta talk to ya.
Okay. Okay.
Charles thinks the
refinery's losing money.
That's fuckin' stupid.
Sorry, I'm a little bit drunk.
Okay. But I think that Bennett's
reporting is fabricated.
I mean, nothing balances and
the numbers look made up.
The plant is profitable.
It definitely is
a money-maker.
Okay. You know this
place better than I do.
I'm gonna need your
help to prove it.
Conch wants me to
shut down the plant.
Holy shit!
We gotta stop you.
Can I finish my
beer first though?
Ah
Smile you ugly panda.
Fuck you!
We are amoebas
in a mud puddle!
Yet, in our hubris
and ambition,
we fail to recognize the
interconnectedness of all things
and the delicate balance
that sustains the very essence
of life itself!