Twins (2005) s01e04 Episode Script

I finished | those sketches for you.
Thanks. | Get out.
Wow, usually I have to sleep with | someone to get that kind of hostility.
I'm sorry. I'm in a race against | Jordan to finish the crossword puzzle.
Ah, when nerds flirt.
Promise to invite me | to your big, fat, geek wedding.
I wish it was flirting. It's | more like trying desperately
to get the attention of a guy | who's fixated on your sister.
Welcome to Neil: the High School Years.
I'm done. Did you finish?
Uh
Ha, I finally beat ya. And | you said it would never happen.
And 29 puzzles later, you've | finally proved me wrong.
- Ooh. | - What?
I may be wrong, but 18 down, | romantic activity
- Kissing. | - I think kissing starts with a K, not a P.
Oops.
Pretty lonely for you | under that mistletoe, huh?
Can you guys take | a look at my boobs?
- Yes! | - No!
I've been wearing the prototype for | the new bra. Take a look at this.
So technically I beat you again.
Look, it's supposed to lift | and then push them together.
That makes 30 in a row. | That's quite a streak.
It's lifting, but it's not pushing. | Do you see what I mean?
We're in the middle of something. | Can you stop playing with yourself?
All right, I'll talk to you later, Mitchee. | Bye, dude.
You know, I've been here a month, | and she doesn't even know my name.
Oh, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan.
I mean, what would you do | if you were totally into someone,
and they were completely oblivious?
I'd try to get back at them by | dating one of their closest relatives.
But that's just me.
Let's see if I got any of these right.
Can you guys please just | take a look at the panties?
- Yes! | - No!
Twins Season 1 Episode 4 | Twint of Fate.
I think the angle of the strap | is collapsing the cups along the
horizontal plane, which is | interfering with the vertical lift.
Are you getting this, Neil?
More push. Less smush, got it.
Hello, everybody. | Would you mind leaving?
I need to have a business | discussion with my daughter.
Wow.
Oh please, when you have three sisters,
you learn how to get out of their | clothes before they catch you.
What's the matter, mom?
I'm going out.
Oh good, I was worried you interrupted | a meeting for something trivial.
I don't have any money, | so I need some pretty cash.
You mean petty cash.
No, I'm getting my eyelashes dyed. | I need pretty cash.
Don't you feel uncomfortable | asking your daughter for money?
You'd think.
That's cute. I said pretty.
Thank you.
- Mom, can I ask you something? | - Sure.
Well, there's this friend of | mine, and she likes this guy.
Mitchee, do I know this friend?
It's me.
Oh, Mee? | Your Korean friend from college?
- Yeah, her. | - Well, how is Mee?
Not so great.
- Ah, poor Mee. | - Yeah.
She likes this guy, and | he's totally perfect for her.
But the guy likes this other girl, | who's completely wrong for him.
Oh honey, the solution is so obvious.
Not to me it isn't.
All she has to do is get this guy | and the other woman together.
Why?
Because if she gets them together, | she can point out their differences.
And make them see how wrong | they are for each other.
That makes sense. | Thanks, Mom.
That's really gonna help me. | Help Mee.
Good morning, my beautiful wife.
Hello, Alan. How was | your breakfast meeting?
Honey, when it's just the two | of us, you can say therapy.
Hello, Alan. How are you?
Neil, nice to see you. | Okay. See ya.
Have a nice day.
God I hate that.
- What? | - That hug.
We hugged once four years ago. Ever | since then he expects the hug every day.
Are you sure that that's | what this is about?
Yes, what else could it be?
Well, I think that someone | has an issue with gay people.
Who me?
What does she have to do with this?
- Who? | - Mee.
What?
Don't try and change the subject. | I think that you don't like hugging Neil
- because he's gay. | - What?
Come on, Alan. I know you. You're just | a little uncomfortable with the gays.
That is preposterous. I work in the | fashion industry. I live in San Francisco.
For God's sake, I have the | soundtrack to Pippin in my Miata.
Let me ask you this, would you have a | problem if I hugged you in the office?
No.
Would you have a problem hugging | your father on Father's Day?
No.
Would you have a problem making | passionate love to a sweaty naked man?
Yes, I would.
Homophobe.
Hey, I hope you're hungry.
Starving. Who's the extra plate for?
Oh, I invited Farrah to join us for lunch.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, I thought it'd be nice for the two | of you to see how much you have in common.
Wow, you did that for me?
In a manner of speaking, yes.
Sorry I'm late. I was stuck in a meeting.
What meeting?
My feet met some new Jimmy Choos. | It went great.
What'd you want me here for?
Well, Jordan and I are having lunch, | and I thought you might like to join us.
Sure, who's Jordan?
That'd be me.
Oh right, sorry, dude.
What are we having?
- You know that Vietnamese place? | - Vietnam?
No, the one on Market Street.
Whoa, you guys thought | totally different on that one.
So Farrah, do you like Vietnamese food?
It's okay. | I'm not so much of a food person though.
Oh that's right. She's not. | Who was just telling me they are?
It's you.
Well, I mean, I eat it.
So read any good books lately?
- Yes. | - No.
Gosh, oil meet water.
There must be something | you guys can agree on.
- I know, psychics. | - Please.
Please what?
Oh that's right. | Farrah holds psychics in high regard.
And Jordan didn't you say "psychics are | the middleman between ghosts and morons?"
Are you calling me a ghostst?
No, and I don't have a | problem with psychics.
I just think some people | are a little nutty about 'em.
You mean, for instance, people | who speak to one every day.
You speak to your psychic every day?
Except every other Tuesday.
He talks to his mother, | who's dead.
And does he really tell | you things that are helpful?
All the time. For instance, | today he told me that somebody
I work with would do something | heroic, and they would be my soul mate.
Sounds pretty reasonable to me. | Jordan?
I don't know. | I guess I'm just more of a science guy.
Yeah, well, I don't believe in science.
How's that feel, Mr. Judgey Pants.
All right, I'm gonna go get us some drinks. | But while I'm gone, Farrah, why don't
you tell Jordan your theory about how | there are too many letters in the alphabet.
So Neil.
Mitchee looked at your sketches. | She had one small adjustment.
It's just a tweak, man. | Toughen up.
It's not that. | It's something else.
Well, you probably want to be alone then.
Don't go!
What seems to be the problem? | Business?
Family?
Car maintenance issues?
Lover.
Super.
Kenny and I have been | lovers for three months.
I think it might be over.
Well, better to have loved and lost than | Time marches on and heals all wounds.
This weekend we drove | down the coast to Carmel.
I was driving. I reached for his hand.
You really should keep both | hands on the wheel. Ten and two.
And he pulled it away. | I mean, I feel like the romance is gone.
I mean, how can people who are so | close suddenly become strangers?
Well, you know, men are | from mars, and women are
absent really from this story.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Uh, uh, communication is a thing.
You're right.
If we just open up to each other, | maybe we can
we can recapture some of the magic.
Problem solved. | Discussion over.
Thank you, Alan.
I knew I could talk to you.
Um, what? | Okay! I'm coming!
That wasn't for you.
Okay, just so I understand this, you | wanna completely get rid of the letter C.
Why not? C and K do the exact same thing.
What about when C is soft?
Then it sounds like an S, | which we already have.
It's an interesting theory.
No, you think it's stupid. | Just like you think psychics are stupid.
And aromatherapy is stupid. | And sweaters for dogs are stupid.
Well, you know what I think, | Snooty Mc-I Love Science Reads a Lot?
I think
Are you choking?
Are you okay?
You saved my life.
- It was nothing really | - Oh my God.
You're the one my psychic | was talking about.
The one from work who | would do something heroic.
Really?
Yeah.
You're my soul mate.
Wait, you do work here, right?
- Mom, I got to talk to you. | - What's up?
It's not going well with Mee. She took | your advice. And she got the guy and
the other woman together. And now | they're totally hot for each other.
Oh, Mee.
Yeah, Mom. | It sucks to be Mee.
Well, now there's only one | thing left for Mee to do.
What's that?
Let it go.
Let it go?
Yeah, I mean, if she's a | good person then who knows?
Good things happen to good people.
So you're saying she'll get the guy?
Maybe she will, | and maybe she won't.
But Mee has something | that's much more important.
What's that?
A large family in Korea | who really loves her.
Yes. Great.
"To Neil. From Alan. " | "Subject, us. "
"It has come to my attention | that our relationship
has become increasingly intimate. "
"While I am flattered that you feel | comfortable enough to confide in me "
"even when it comes to you and your
adventures with that other fella. "
"I think we should maintain a | more professional relationship. "
"To that end, I feel that our morning | greeting should no longer include a hug."
"Thank you for your | cooperation in this matter. "
"Love eh. "
"Affectionately hmm. "
"Yours?"
"Happy holidays, Alan C. Arnold. "
I need help.
The thong part goes in the back. | Write it down.
All right, what's the problem?
It's just that I have absolutely | nothing in common with my soul mate.
Well, you're soul mates.
It doesn't feel like enough.
I want so badly to connect with him, | and I don't know how.
There must be something | you like about him.
Let me think.
He said I'm hot.
Okay, what else?
He said it twice?
I got nothing. Please help me.
Okay well, he's got a great laugh. | And when he laughs, he kind of
bites his tongue a little, and it should | be creepy, but somehow on him it's cute.
Great laugh, creepy tongue. Go on.
He gets all excited about | this geeky word stuff,
like how kayak is the same | backwards and forwards.
He's got these really sensitive eyes.
You know, and there's the way | that he crinkles his forehead
when he's trying to remember something.
And then, when he listens to | you tell a story, it's like,
he looks at you like he | never wants it to end.
And in those moments, no | matter who else is there,
- it's like you're the only two people | - Mitchee?
Radar, that's the same | backwards and forwards.
- No, I don't. | - Yes, you do.
He's my soul mate, | and you like him.
Okay, maybe I do a little.
Are you mad?
I don't know what I am. | I have to go think.
Kenny, what are you doing here?
I just needed to see you.
Well, come into my office.
Listen, I know I've been a little | distant, but there's a reason.
Who is he? The bitch from | the smoothie place?
- The bitch from the coffee place? | - No.
- The bitch from hip-hop aerobics? | - Yes.
No, there's no one else.
It's just that I've been hurt before,
and I guess I was scared to | throw myself into this with you.
What, there's nothing to be | scared of. I'm not gonna hurt you.
Come here.
I can't imagine loving any man | the way I love you right now.
How do you always know | exactly what to say?
Before this goes any further,
let me lock the door.
Wait.
- What, what is it? | - Let's take our time.
I want this moment to last forever.
Oh yeah.
Hey.
- I just came to drop off the proofs. | - Oh, thanks.
What's wrong?
Oh, it's Farrah.
I thought we had this incredible connection.
Really?
Yeah, it was like something | made her change.
Have you talked to her? | Do you have any idea what's going on?
No, I don't know, Jordan.
I guess we just weren't meant to be.
I'm sorry.
Jello, jello!
Hey.
What's his problem?
You told him you weren't into him.
Yeah, but that was, like, an hour ago.
Let it go, Grudgie.
I didn't mean for you to | end it with him, Farrah.
Yeah, but you like him. | And that makes me happy.
Just like it makes you happy | when I find a pair of jeans I like,
or when I back into a car in a | parking lot, and I don't get caught.
But what happened to | Jordan being your soul mate?
Well, I was thinking about that.
You know how my psychic said | my soul mate was at work?
Yeah.
Well, I was thinking about the | people at work and who it might be.
And I knew it wasn't Neil, | or the accountant with the lazy eye,
or that dude in research | who smells like yogurt.
But you know who is my soul mate?
Who?
It's you, you big dummy. | You're my soul mate.
I am?
Yeah.
Because no matter how many guys we marry, | and cheat on, and divorce, and remarry.
I'm always gonna have you, and | you're always gonna have me.
That's really nice, Farrah.
Oh, and by the way,
someone backed into your | car in the parking lot.
- Oh hi, sweetie. | - Hi, Mom.
Hey, how did everything go with Mee?
Well, the guy she likes and | that other girl are over.
So that's a start.
Of course now there's just the | issue of getting the guy to like Mee.
Well, he would be crazy not to like you.
You mean Mee.
No Mitchee, I mean you.
Alan, there you are.
Where have you been all afternoon?
Underneath Neil and Kenny.
Oh. Well, you have some messages.
No, you don't understand.
Lee, I have been to the belly of the beast. | I have seen things.
I have heard things. And you know what, Lee?
They are just people in love.
It was actually quite beautiful.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
That you had an issue | with homosexuality,
so you went out and made love | with Neil and some other man.
No. That's not what happened.
What I'm saying is that | through an unusual opportunity,
that lasted almost four hours,
I eventually came to | terms with the gay stuff.
- Hi, Alan. Lee. | - Hello, Neil.
I just wanted to tell you I | haven't finished the sketches.
But I will finish them | first thing tomorrow.
Not a problem.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Aren't you forgetting something?
Alan, don't take this the wrong | way, but would you mind if we
dropped the hugging stuff? It | makes me kind of uncomfortable.
Really?
Yeah, I just don't think it's | appropriate office behavior.
Hugging isn't appropriate | office behavior?
It's okay, honey. It's San Francisco.
We'll find you another gay man to hug.