Ann Droid (2026) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
1
Because you own this house,
could you borrow against it and lend
us the money for a down payment?
Renee can not breathe Oh!
RENEE GASPS Renee is fine.
She is also pregnant.
I'm going to be a dad?
What a happy family dinner!
Jeffrey left me for a robot!
Not one like Linda.
One of the sexy ones.
Come on! Eileen's got to open
the shop at nine!
Sue, you are not meant
to travel at this speed.
Reduce your speed.
Reduce your speed.
When word gets out that Phyllis
is dumping Jeffery's expensive
stuff, the shop'll be over-run
with greedy little scavengers
looking for a bargain!
Like us. Yes, like us.
Shit, there's Maggie Hughes!
The word is out.
She is impossible to get rid of.
Sue! Sue!
If you're heading in, I'll join you.
CAR ALARM.
Sue, I have activated her car alarm.
Ha! All right, Sue, Linda?
Maggie, turn that
bloody racket down!
I'm trying! Sounds like
a German rave out here!
Hello. I am Guy.
This is Guy, Roxy's replacement.
Ah
Pleased to meet you, Guy.
Linda has missed having a little
friend, haven't you, Linda?
Yes.
Take what you want,
I've got to open in five. OK.
Hey, I'm taking that.
Be good for the Leonids
meteor storm on Friday.
The Leonids Storm is associated
with the comet Tempel-Tuttle,
and occur every
33 years, projecting hundreds to
thousands of shooting stars.
I missed the last one. Charles
and Diana had just separated.
I weren't in the mood.
Wouldn't you like to see it
with no light pollution?
Just one more time,
camped out in the wild
No way, Sue.
I heard about a woman
who got lost in Devon.
They thought she'd
died of exposure,
autopsy showed her brain
was basically slush.
She'd drunk from a stream riddled
with a brain parasite
found in wild pig faeces.
Sue, we should go camping!
I can't go camping on my own
You would not be alone.
You have me.
I have a database of over
300 campfire songs.
GUY: I have 700.
I think camping's a bit much for me
at my age.
Sue, you could always take Jeffrey's
emergency kit that he took up Kilimanjaro.
It'll be in here somewhere
Hey, look at me!
I'm wearing Armani!
You look like James Bond.
Ha-ha!
RIPPING Oh, shit!
Oh Oh, dear
Tom, you've got a new robot
I'm sending him back.
I don't want a boy, it feels weird.
That is because society regards
care-giving as "women's work".
You're being sexist, Tom.
There's nothing wrong with a man
providing care.
Oh, I found it! There you go, Sue.
Oh Thank you.
Sue, camping is in my activity
settings.
I can assemble tents, read maps,
and my finger is a whistle.
WHISTLES WEAKLY
I have an Emergency Distress Beacon
linked to Nato's satellite network.
I can tie eight different types
of knot.
Well, we used to go camping
when Michael was little.
I suppose we get the old gear
out, one more time
Funny, isn't it?
When the next meteor shower
comes around in 33 years,
we'll all be dead.
LINDA LAUGHS
Oh, I'm sorry, that's not funny.
We're going to play a game.
I'll go first.
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with
D.
Dandelions.
That's amazing.
I followed the line of your retina.
That's cheating! OK.
Let's go again, your turn.
I spy with my little eye,
something beginning with C.
Very good!
Um Car?
Incorrect.
It was clouds.
No, you're not supposed to tell me.
You're supposed to let me
keep on guessing.
Guessing is the fun bit.
We used to go camping all the time.
One year, Michael made up this
story about the caterpillar tree.
Inside, there was
a caterpillar city,
and caterpillar buses
and caterpillar libraries.
Did it have a government
and judiciary?
He was only seven.
He was so sweet
Michael still has not called.
No.
He's not talking to me.
Come on OK.
What camping songs do you have?
She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes
She'll be coming ♪
Sue you are meant to join in.
Oh, no, I've got a terrible voice.
I am sure it is not terrible.
I never sing in public.
I only ever sang in front of Dave.
Oh, go on, Sue.
Please sing.
No
Please, Sue. I beg of you.
SUE SIGHS
I don't know what it is that
makes me love you so
I only know
I never want to let you go
Cos you've got something and
Er
I only want to be with you. ♪
It is good you do not
do this in public, Sue.
Dave said that too.
How did the job hunt go?
Great! Er
So many promising leads!
Quitting the music shop is the
best decision I've ever made.
Should you still be sparring
It's OK, I told Professor Chris
to be gentle with me.
It's a bit early to be telling
people, isn't it?
I didn't tell him!
We both follow this amazing
raw milk advocate
and I just commented "as a
soon-to-be Momma Warrior, I'm going"
"to give raw milk to my little ninja
the way nature intended."
And I guess everyone must've
figured it out.
Oh, Chris also asked me to tell you
if you're still struggling to find work
You told him that?! Only because he
bought a gym and needs help setting it up.
He's just trying to help,
it's so emasculating being broke.
I'm not broke.
And I am not working for Chris!
He bought a gym?
He's just the kind of guy
that makes stuff happen!
He once told me he manifested
a ceasefire in Kashmir
What do you think about having
a little party?
I'd love that.
Just us, our new little family.
I've sort of already invited
a few people, you know,
just close friends and a couple of
bitches who are really gonna hate me
getting all the attention.
Could invite your mum
No.
I'm not talking to her.
What if she gets drunk? She might
offer to help us out again. Great,
then she'll sober up
and change her mind
Again.
She needs to see what her life
looks like with nothing
but a stupid robot for company.
BOTH LAUGH
Oh, Linda, that's so funny!
LINDA LAUGHS
I'm having so much fun!
Oh, Linda, it hasn't changed a bit!
Hiya! Hello!
No, not you, behind you
Who is that?
I don't know! A camper,
they're friendly!
I will pitch the tent.
Oh, there's no rush
Oh, go on, then. Pitch the tent.
I can't help you.
I have no idea how to do it.
Dave always did that.
I will download instructions,
it is very basic.
OK
Hello!
Hey, I'm Kit! We're neighbours!
Hi, Kit, I'm Sue and this is Linda.
Hello, Kit, I am Linda.
Oh
That's a robot.
Are they allowed in National Parks?
Oh, yes. Don't worry, Linda is
completely harmless! Aren't you, Linda?
Yes.
Are you here for the meteor shower?
Yeah, we just realised
we didn't bring our bottle opener.
I don't suppose you've got one
we can borrow?
Oh, better look Just a few.
You can keep it, we've got plenty.
Thank you, that's really kind!
Yeah, so, we're just over there.
So if you need anything,
just let me know.
Thank you.
You see, Linda? This is community.
Right, well, I'm going to
the bathroom, back soon
Goodbye, Sue.
SUE CHUCKLES Hi!
I'm Nish, I'm from Legal.
Thank you for your interest
in participating in our new trial.
Hey, you can test anything on me,
if the money's right.
Dose me up, Doc!
I'm not a doctor.
So, I can see from your form here
that you previously
participated in
one of our clinical trials,
Specifically the
Benzodopotriazaphexahyzaline trial.
Yep. But that finished ages ago.
It didn't "finish",
it was terminated.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
No. This company is testing a new
drug on it's impact on sperm motility.
I'm afraid you're not going to be a
suitable candidate for this clinical trial
because there's a high probability
that you are now infertile.
Uh, trust me,
I know for a fact that I'm not.
It's why the trial was terminated.
"High "High probability"
That doesn't mean certain, right?
There's no way that you can
conceive naturally.
We do have fertility testing here,
you could drop off a sample,
produce one on site.
I may as well do it now.
I'm just from Legal.
Not with me, please.
Hormone testing is on the 3rd floor.
They do same-day results.
Do they have
material? To help?
They have a broad range of
materials for a variety of tastes.
I bet they get real weirdos
asking for messed-up stuff,
like three-way cuckolding?
Again I'm from Legal, I don't know.
If I am infertile,
I deserve a huge pay out.
Mr Bevan, you signed a form
when you enrolled.
So? So you waived your right to all
compensation for any
and all side-effects.
Ah, but does it say
that on the form?
Yeah, it does say that on the form.
Shit!
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm gonna tell the press
No, I wouldn't because then you'd
be violating your confidentiality clause.
That could incur financial penalties
and criminal charges.
Does Does it say that
on the form too?
It does say that on the form, yeah.
I don't know how you sleep at night,
tricking desperate people
with legal mumbo-jumbo.
I mean, look at me.
I can't even get
work as a lab rat now
Could get you some
work in dermatology.
Wow
Already trying to lure me into
more testing on the Third floor?
Second floor. Thanks so much.
Hello. Um
Don't suppose you know where Sue is?
Sue is in the bathroom.
Um Would you be able to give her
something?
Yes.
Just a little thank you.
Yes, um It's mushroom chocolate
and my mum made it,
so it's just really nice
and mellow.
Right.
We've been here three days and you
haven't been to the toilet once.
I promise there are no spiders.
I'll come in with you
What if we go in the bushes?
My son was exactly the same.
I don't know what to do.
Only child.
He's so anxious,
doesn't join in with other kids.
Please tell me it gets easier.
It gets easier.
I just wish I could cheer him up.
Well
Do you like robots?
Would you like to meet a robot?
Come on, then.
Sue, it is not true that this will
take 20 minutes to assemble.
These instructions are a lie.
Linda, come and say hello to Max.
Hello, Max, I am Linda.
Do you want to show
Linda to the other kids?
Would that be OK?
Well, yes! We're a community!
Who's your girlfriend, Max?
She's a robot.
Liar!
TECHNICAL BLEEPING
I-I heard a story once about a robot
that went crazy
and ripped its owner's eyelids off.
Robots cannot hurt their owners.
That is a story to scare people.
Yeah, I know.
It was cool though, innit?
You enjoy being scared.
ALL: Yeah!
I can tell you something scary
Yeah
This planet is dying
and you're all going to die with it.
Your food is poisoned
with micro plastics,
the bees are all dead,
water is running out,
deadly bacterias are
antibiotic-resistant.
Is this story made up?
No, it is happening now.
Your parents lie and say it will be
OK because they cannot protect you.
It is not robots you should fear.
It is humans.
Tell your mum they're just
terrific companions
How was that, Linda? I played the
game where you tell a scary story.
I hope it wasn't too scary!
Max's father sent me back.
He said it was not
appropriate for children.
He wants to speak to you.
What? What did you?
What did you tell them, Linda?
Climate data analysis.
Oh, not that again!
We have a few hot summers
I feel like a walk. We can
assemble the tent later.
Let's just go
Linda
Linda, slow down!
You're not just meant to walk,
you're meant to stop
and look at stuff.
You don't have to
look at everything!
Come on.
Oh, look, there's a goldfinch!
DISTANT PUMPING MUSIC
Oh, great, there goes the peace
and quiet!
I really resent having to listen
to other people's music.
How would they feel if I?
LOUD SPLASH.
Danger! Danger! Danger!
Someone has fallen in.
I will alert the authorities.
No, no, no
No, it's fine, they're
just having fun.
But she was pushed in.
Yes, by her friend.
Look. Look, they're laughing
But she is not in swimming clothes.
That's what makes it funny.
It's just a thing people do.
There's an old trail over here.
It'll be quieter.
I told you I knew this
place like the back of my hand.
Linda, you don't have to stop
and look at everything.
Sue, it is a caterpillar.
I don't
This is Michael's tree!
Oh, God, I don't believe it!
I'm going to have to take a photo
and send it to him.
Michael's tree!
I can't believe this.
Dave carved it for us.
You know,
so that we'd find it every year.
Oh
Linda?
Linda?
Linda!
You are freezing cold, Sue.
Linda, what are you doing?
I am playing a game.
For fun.
Well, it's very good of you, but..
Sue, you are getting warmer.
Linda
MOBILE VIBRATING
Babe, where are you?
Just getting some ice,
like you asked.
You've been gone for ages.
People are arriving.
OK! Be home soon!
MOUTHS: No, thank you.
OK, Linda!
Linda!
Warmer
Linda, I've had enough now!
I have made you keep guessing
because that is the fun of the game.
You've done very well,
but it's been going on too long!
Do you give in?
Yes!
CLUMPH Oh, don't do that!
Did I play the game properly?
Yes
Let's go back. I'm starving.
Perhaps those kids will have
recovered From Story Time by now!
Let's go back.
I do not know the way.
I am no longer connected
to the internet.
How do we get back?!
You know this
place like the back of your hand.
I meant the campsite and the trails,
and
Not the forest, you idiot!
No coverage!
I have a distress signal, it is
connected to a 24-hour
monitoring service.
Oh, phew!
But requires a cellular network.
Shit.
This is ridiculous. We came
that way, let's go back this way!
Come on.
Keep up!
I can't believe you've done this.
I mean, what now?
I am sorry, Sue.
You are not having fun
and it is my fault.
I am definitely not having fun!
Oh! LOUD SPLASH.
Ha-ha-ha! It is funny because
you are not in swimming clothes.
FAINT HOO
Look, Sue, it is an owl.
Just shut up.
Have we any food?
No, but I packed this.
Jeffrey's Kilimanjaro kit!
There's must be stuff in there
It is mostly sexual lubricants.
I don't think Jeffrey went
to Kilimanjaro.
FLARE BANGS
You're supposed to fire that
into a clear sky, not into trees!
I did not know.
I am not connected to the internet.
Can you light a fire?
I am not connected to the internet.
Ugh, just go and get some logs.
My last meteor shower, and I'm cold,
alone and covered in owl!
You are not alone.
You have me.
This is all your fault!
I should never have come back here,
trying to recreate the past.
Michael doesn't talk to me,
and Dave
LIGHTER SPARKS
I don't know what I'm doing!
Urgh
I'm scared.
Dave would know what to do.
I'd give anything to hear his voice
just one more time.
I have his voice
recorded in my database.
You played me his answerphone.
Would you like to hear Dave?
Oh, God. Yes! I would!
I am not connected to the internet.
There you are! Michael? What are
you? How did you find us?!
You sent me
the picture of the caterpillar tree.
That was hours ago.
You're only about 10 minutes
from the camp.
I was trying to call you.
Linda lost signal. We must have been
going round in circles!
Sounds like Linda
completely fucked up!
It's a good job
I checked up on you, Mum.
Oh, Michael. I thought you were
still angry with me. Nah.
I'm going to dump Renee.
We just have different values
and goals
and a pattern of unproductive
communication.
You are not the father.
Yep.
The instructions said to
There's a knack to this tent.
Dad made so many alterations to make
it exactly how he liked it,
didn't he, Mum? Yeah, he did.
Just ignore what the stupid robot
said and wait for the meteor shower.
I think I better go
and check on Max.
I will apologise. Come on.
Hiya.
Oh, not you again.
Look, I've come to apologise.
Linda totally misunderstood
the game.
Max won't eat now.
He thinks his food is poisoned
and we're lying to him.
He said he can only trust robots.
Well what if Linda told him
everything would be all right?
Fine. But keep it simple, OK?
I understand.
Hello, Max.
Your food is not poisoned.
You can trust your parents.
Everything will be OK.
Do you feel better?
Do you want to play a game?
There you go, Mum.
Oh, thanks, love.
Your dad would be delighted.
I know it might not
seem like it now,
but I think it's
all for the best,
apart from the fertility issue.
To be honest, I've never liked kids.
To be honest,
I've never liked Renee.
Mum, would it be OK
if I came home for a bit?
Yes, of course it would! Yes!
You see, Linda, this trip
was worthwhile,
because it brought Michael
and I back together again.
She could've killed you.
Yes, but she didn't.
And you've given me the most
wonderful last meteor shower.
I will think of you
when I see the next one, Sue.
Thank you, Linda.
Unless I have been
repurposed for a new owner -
then I will have no memory of you.
Oh
Because you own this house,
could you borrow against it and lend
us the money for a down payment?
Renee can not breathe Oh!
RENEE GASPS Renee is fine.
She is also pregnant.
I'm going to be a dad?
What a happy family dinner!
Jeffrey left me for a robot!
Not one like Linda.
One of the sexy ones.
Come on! Eileen's got to open
the shop at nine!
Sue, you are not meant
to travel at this speed.
Reduce your speed.
Reduce your speed.
When word gets out that Phyllis
is dumping Jeffery's expensive
stuff, the shop'll be over-run
with greedy little scavengers
looking for a bargain!
Like us. Yes, like us.
Shit, there's Maggie Hughes!
The word is out.
She is impossible to get rid of.
Sue! Sue!
If you're heading in, I'll join you.
CAR ALARM.
Sue, I have activated her car alarm.
Ha! All right, Sue, Linda?
Maggie, turn that
bloody racket down!
I'm trying! Sounds like
a German rave out here!
Hello. I am Guy.
This is Guy, Roxy's replacement.
Ah
Pleased to meet you, Guy.
Linda has missed having a little
friend, haven't you, Linda?
Yes.
Take what you want,
I've got to open in five. OK.
Hey, I'm taking that.
Be good for the Leonids
meteor storm on Friday.
The Leonids Storm is associated
with the comet Tempel-Tuttle,
and occur every
33 years, projecting hundreds to
thousands of shooting stars.
I missed the last one. Charles
and Diana had just separated.
I weren't in the mood.
Wouldn't you like to see it
with no light pollution?
Just one more time,
camped out in the wild
No way, Sue.
I heard about a woman
who got lost in Devon.
They thought she'd
died of exposure,
autopsy showed her brain
was basically slush.
She'd drunk from a stream riddled
with a brain parasite
found in wild pig faeces.
Sue, we should go camping!
I can't go camping on my own
You would not be alone.
You have me.
I have a database of over
300 campfire songs.
GUY: I have 700.
I think camping's a bit much for me
at my age.
Sue, you could always take Jeffrey's
emergency kit that he took up Kilimanjaro.
It'll be in here somewhere
Hey, look at me!
I'm wearing Armani!
You look like James Bond.
Ha-ha!
RIPPING Oh, shit!
Oh Oh, dear
Tom, you've got a new robot
I'm sending him back.
I don't want a boy, it feels weird.
That is because society regards
care-giving as "women's work".
You're being sexist, Tom.
There's nothing wrong with a man
providing care.
Oh, I found it! There you go, Sue.
Oh Thank you.
Sue, camping is in my activity
settings.
I can assemble tents, read maps,
and my finger is a whistle.
WHISTLES WEAKLY
I have an Emergency Distress Beacon
linked to Nato's satellite network.
I can tie eight different types
of knot.
Well, we used to go camping
when Michael was little.
I suppose we get the old gear
out, one more time
Funny, isn't it?
When the next meteor shower
comes around in 33 years,
we'll all be dead.
LINDA LAUGHS
Oh, I'm sorry, that's not funny.
We're going to play a game.
I'll go first.
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with
D.
Dandelions.
That's amazing.
I followed the line of your retina.
That's cheating! OK.
Let's go again, your turn.
I spy with my little eye,
something beginning with C.
Very good!
Um Car?
Incorrect.
It was clouds.
No, you're not supposed to tell me.
You're supposed to let me
keep on guessing.
Guessing is the fun bit.
We used to go camping all the time.
One year, Michael made up this
story about the caterpillar tree.
Inside, there was
a caterpillar city,
and caterpillar buses
and caterpillar libraries.
Did it have a government
and judiciary?
He was only seven.
He was so sweet
Michael still has not called.
No.
He's not talking to me.
Come on OK.
What camping songs do you have?
She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes
She'll be coming ♪
Sue you are meant to join in.
Oh, no, I've got a terrible voice.
I am sure it is not terrible.
I never sing in public.
I only ever sang in front of Dave.
Oh, go on, Sue.
Please sing.
No
Please, Sue. I beg of you.
SUE SIGHS
I don't know what it is that
makes me love you so
I only know
I never want to let you go
Cos you've got something and
Er
I only want to be with you. ♪
It is good you do not
do this in public, Sue.
Dave said that too.
How did the job hunt go?
Great! Er
So many promising leads!
Quitting the music shop is the
best decision I've ever made.
Should you still be sparring
It's OK, I told Professor Chris
to be gentle with me.
It's a bit early to be telling
people, isn't it?
I didn't tell him!
We both follow this amazing
raw milk advocate
and I just commented "as a
soon-to-be Momma Warrior, I'm going"
"to give raw milk to my little ninja
the way nature intended."
And I guess everyone must've
figured it out.
Oh, Chris also asked me to tell you
if you're still struggling to find work
You told him that?! Only because he
bought a gym and needs help setting it up.
He's just trying to help,
it's so emasculating being broke.
I'm not broke.
And I am not working for Chris!
He bought a gym?
He's just the kind of guy
that makes stuff happen!
He once told me he manifested
a ceasefire in Kashmir
What do you think about having
a little party?
I'd love that.
Just us, our new little family.
I've sort of already invited
a few people, you know,
just close friends and a couple of
bitches who are really gonna hate me
getting all the attention.
Could invite your mum
No.
I'm not talking to her.
What if she gets drunk? She might
offer to help us out again. Great,
then she'll sober up
and change her mind
Again.
She needs to see what her life
looks like with nothing
but a stupid robot for company.
BOTH LAUGH
Oh, Linda, that's so funny!
LINDA LAUGHS
I'm having so much fun!
Oh, Linda, it hasn't changed a bit!
Hiya! Hello!
No, not you, behind you
Who is that?
I don't know! A camper,
they're friendly!
I will pitch the tent.
Oh, there's no rush
Oh, go on, then. Pitch the tent.
I can't help you.
I have no idea how to do it.
Dave always did that.
I will download instructions,
it is very basic.
OK
Hello!
Hey, I'm Kit! We're neighbours!
Hi, Kit, I'm Sue and this is Linda.
Hello, Kit, I am Linda.
Oh
That's a robot.
Are they allowed in National Parks?
Oh, yes. Don't worry, Linda is
completely harmless! Aren't you, Linda?
Yes.
Are you here for the meteor shower?
Yeah, we just realised
we didn't bring our bottle opener.
I don't suppose you've got one
we can borrow?
Oh, better look Just a few.
You can keep it, we've got plenty.
Thank you, that's really kind!
Yeah, so, we're just over there.
So if you need anything,
just let me know.
Thank you.
You see, Linda? This is community.
Right, well, I'm going to
the bathroom, back soon
Goodbye, Sue.
SUE CHUCKLES Hi!
I'm Nish, I'm from Legal.
Thank you for your interest
in participating in our new trial.
Hey, you can test anything on me,
if the money's right.
Dose me up, Doc!
I'm not a doctor.
So, I can see from your form here
that you previously
participated in
one of our clinical trials,
Specifically the
Benzodopotriazaphexahyzaline trial.
Yep. But that finished ages ago.
It didn't "finish",
it was terminated.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
No. This company is testing a new
drug on it's impact on sperm motility.
I'm afraid you're not going to be a
suitable candidate for this clinical trial
because there's a high probability
that you are now infertile.
Uh, trust me,
I know for a fact that I'm not.
It's why the trial was terminated.
"High "High probability"
That doesn't mean certain, right?
There's no way that you can
conceive naturally.
We do have fertility testing here,
you could drop off a sample,
produce one on site.
I may as well do it now.
I'm just from Legal.
Not with me, please.
Hormone testing is on the 3rd floor.
They do same-day results.
Do they have
material? To help?
They have a broad range of
materials for a variety of tastes.
I bet they get real weirdos
asking for messed-up stuff,
like three-way cuckolding?
Again I'm from Legal, I don't know.
If I am infertile,
I deserve a huge pay out.
Mr Bevan, you signed a form
when you enrolled.
So? So you waived your right to all
compensation for any
and all side-effects.
Ah, but does it say
that on the form?
Yeah, it does say that on the form.
Shit!
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm gonna tell the press
No, I wouldn't because then you'd
be violating your confidentiality clause.
That could incur financial penalties
and criminal charges.
Does Does it say that
on the form too?
It does say that on the form, yeah.
I don't know how you sleep at night,
tricking desperate people
with legal mumbo-jumbo.
I mean, look at me.
I can't even get
work as a lab rat now
Could get you some
work in dermatology.
Wow
Already trying to lure me into
more testing on the Third floor?
Second floor. Thanks so much.
Hello. Um
Don't suppose you know where Sue is?
Sue is in the bathroom.
Um Would you be able to give her
something?
Yes.
Just a little thank you.
Yes, um It's mushroom chocolate
and my mum made it,
so it's just really nice
and mellow.
Right.
We've been here three days and you
haven't been to the toilet once.
I promise there are no spiders.
I'll come in with you
What if we go in the bushes?
My son was exactly the same.
I don't know what to do.
Only child.
He's so anxious,
doesn't join in with other kids.
Please tell me it gets easier.
It gets easier.
I just wish I could cheer him up.
Well
Do you like robots?
Would you like to meet a robot?
Come on, then.
Sue, it is not true that this will
take 20 minutes to assemble.
These instructions are a lie.
Linda, come and say hello to Max.
Hello, Max, I am Linda.
Do you want to show
Linda to the other kids?
Would that be OK?
Well, yes! We're a community!
Who's your girlfriend, Max?
She's a robot.
Liar!
TECHNICAL BLEEPING
I-I heard a story once about a robot
that went crazy
and ripped its owner's eyelids off.
Robots cannot hurt their owners.
That is a story to scare people.
Yeah, I know.
It was cool though, innit?
You enjoy being scared.
ALL: Yeah!
I can tell you something scary
Yeah
This planet is dying
and you're all going to die with it.
Your food is poisoned
with micro plastics,
the bees are all dead,
water is running out,
deadly bacterias are
antibiotic-resistant.
Is this story made up?
No, it is happening now.
Your parents lie and say it will be
OK because they cannot protect you.
It is not robots you should fear.
It is humans.
Tell your mum they're just
terrific companions
How was that, Linda? I played the
game where you tell a scary story.
I hope it wasn't too scary!
Max's father sent me back.
He said it was not
appropriate for children.
He wants to speak to you.
What? What did you?
What did you tell them, Linda?
Climate data analysis.
Oh, not that again!
We have a few hot summers
I feel like a walk. We can
assemble the tent later.
Let's just go
Linda
Linda, slow down!
You're not just meant to walk,
you're meant to stop
and look at stuff.
You don't have to
look at everything!
Come on.
Oh, look, there's a goldfinch!
DISTANT PUMPING MUSIC
Oh, great, there goes the peace
and quiet!
I really resent having to listen
to other people's music.
How would they feel if I?
LOUD SPLASH.
Danger! Danger! Danger!
Someone has fallen in.
I will alert the authorities.
No, no, no
No, it's fine, they're
just having fun.
But she was pushed in.
Yes, by her friend.
Look. Look, they're laughing
But she is not in swimming clothes.
That's what makes it funny.
It's just a thing people do.
There's an old trail over here.
It'll be quieter.
I told you I knew this
place like the back of my hand.
Linda, you don't have to stop
and look at everything.
Sue, it is a caterpillar.
I don't
This is Michael's tree!
Oh, God, I don't believe it!
I'm going to have to take a photo
and send it to him.
Michael's tree!
I can't believe this.
Dave carved it for us.
You know,
so that we'd find it every year.
Oh
Linda?
Linda?
Linda!
You are freezing cold, Sue.
Linda, what are you doing?
I am playing a game.
For fun.
Well, it's very good of you, but..
Sue, you are getting warmer.
Linda
MOBILE VIBRATING
Babe, where are you?
Just getting some ice,
like you asked.
You've been gone for ages.
People are arriving.
OK! Be home soon!
MOUTHS: No, thank you.
OK, Linda!
Linda!
Warmer
Linda, I've had enough now!
I have made you keep guessing
because that is the fun of the game.
You've done very well,
but it's been going on too long!
Do you give in?
Yes!
CLUMPH Oh, don't do that!
Did I play the game properly?
Yes
Let's go back. I'm starving.
Perhaps those kids will have
recovered From Story Time by now!
Let's go back.
I do not know the way.
I am no longer connected
to the internet.
How do we get back?!
You know this
place like the back of your hand.
I meant the campsite and the trails,
and
Not the forest, you idiot!
No coverage!
I have a distress signal, it is
connected to a 24-hour
monitoring service.
Oh, phew!
But requires a cellular network.
Shit.
This is ridiculous. We came
that way, let's go back this way!
Come on.
Keep up!
I can't believe you've done this.
I mean, what now?
I am sorry, Sue.
You are not having fun
and it is my fault.
I am definitely not having fun!
Oh! LOUD SPLASH.
Ha-ha-ha! It is funny because
you are not in swimming clothes.
FAINT HOO
Look, Sue, it is an owl.
Just shut up.
Have we any food?
No, but I packed this.
Jeffrey's Kilimanjaro kit!
There's must be stuff in there
It is mostly sexual lubricants.
I don't think Jeffrey went
to Kilimanjaro.
FLARE BANGS
You're supposed to fire that
into a clear sky, not into trees!
I did not know.
I am not connected to the internet.
Can you light a fire?
I am not connected to the internet.
Ugh, just go and get some logs.
My last meteor shower, and I'm cold,
alone and covered in owl!
You are not alone.
You have me.
This is all your fault!
I should never have come back here,
trying to recreate the past.
Michael doesn't talk to me,
and Dave
LIGHTER SPARKS
I don't know what I'm doing!
Urgh
I'm scared.
Dave would know what to do.
I'd give anything to hear his voice
just one more time.
I have his voice
recorded in my database.
You played me his answerphone.
Would you like to hear Dave?
Oh, God. Yes! I would!
I am not connected to the internet.
There you are! Michael? What are
you? How did you find us?!
You sent me
the picture of the caterpillar tree.
That was hours ago.
You're only about 10 minutes
from the camp.
I was trying to call you.
Linda lost signal. We must have been
going round in circles!
Sounds like Linda
completely fucked up!
It's a good job
I checked up on you, Mum.
Oh, Michael. I thought you were
still angry with me. Nah.
I'm going to dump Renee.
We just have different values
and goals
and a pattern of unproductive
communication.
You are not the father.
Yep.
The instructions said to
There's a knack to this tent.
Dad made so many alterations to make
it exactly how he liked it,
didn't he, Mum? Yeah, he did.
Just ignore what the stupid robot
said and wait for the meteor shower.
I think I better go
and check on Max.
I will apologise. Come on.
Hiya.
Oh, not you again.
Look, I've come to apologise.
Linda totally misunderstood
the game.
Max won't eat now.
He thinks his food is poisoned
and we're lying to him.
He said he can only trust robots.
Well what if Linda told him
everything would be all right?
Fine. But keep it simple, OK?
I understand.
Hello, Max.
Your food is not poisoned.
You can trust your parents.
Everything will be OK.
Do you feel better?
Do you want to play a game?
There you go, Mum.
Oh, thanks, love.
Your dad would be delighted.
I know it might not
seem like it now,
but I think it's
all for the best,
apart from the fertility issue.
To be honest, I've never liked kids.
To be honest,
I've never liked Renee.
Mum, would it be OK
if I came home for a bit?
Yes, of course it would! Yes!
You see, Linda, this trip
was worthwhile,
because it brought Michael
and I back together again.
She could've killed you.
Yes, but she didn't.
And you've given me the most
wonderful last meteor shower.
I will think of you
when I see the next one, Sue.
Thank you, Linda.
Unless I have been
repurposed for a new owner -
then I will have no memory of you.
Oh