Dan Da Dan (2024) s01e05 Episode Script

[upbeat music playing]
[students chatting]
-[boy 1] Morning.
-[boy 2] Morning.
[Okarun gasps]
[thinks] Calm down.
You're just saying hi. No big deal.
-"Mornin'!"
-[thinks] You practiced all night.
-So you're ready! You got this.
-"What's up, girl? How's it hangin'?"
You've never done anything like this
before, but she can't know that.
[gasps]
Is she waiting for me?
I mean, we've been through
a lot together, so…
-No, I bet she's waiting for someone else.
-Hey!
I'll just stay out of her way.
-[Momo chuckles] Hah!
-[Okarun gasps]
You're late. Come on.
Uh…
[gasps]
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
[rap lyrics in Japanese]
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan, Dan Da Dan ♪
[Momo] The alien said
there were no girls on their planet.
EPISODE FIVE
LIKE, WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS?!
[Okarun] Oh. Wow.
I don't know how long
it took 'em to travel here.
But I bet their ship smelled like
a locker room by the time they landed.
I wonder what kind of food
aliens like those eat?
What do you think?
Huh? Oh…
Uh, I guess, uh…
Well, here's my class. See you later!
[Okarun] Um… yeah.
[boy 1 laughs] Later!
[yelps]
-[groaning]
-Get out of my way, ya moron!
Enjoying the view down there, ya perv?
Get lost!
[gasps]
[sighs]
[electronic music playing]
PO
[thinks] Not a problem.
No matter how horrible
the other kids are to me,
I can forgive them.
Because now, finally,
I've found myself an amazing friend!
[yelps]
[music stops]
-[boy 2] Huh?
-[Okarun groans]
-[sighs]
-[boy 3] Come on, man. Pass!
-Here goes! Spot this one!
-[thinks] I can forgive them.
[electronic music resumes]
It ain't workin'. She's zoned out.
I don't know what her deal is.
She hasn't returned any of my texts.
She says she lost her phone.
She bailed on school yesterday.
Yo, maybe she hooked up
with her dirtbag ex.
Freakin' A! Maybe he dumped her again,
and she freaked and broke her cell.
[whispers] And that's why she's a zombie!
[both] That tracks.
[groans]
[girl 1] Ooh, she's losin' it.
[girl 2] She's thinkin' about the good
times, and it's makin' her squirm.
-[Momo groaning loudly]
-[both] Uh…
[continues groaning]
[growls]
[thinks] I wanna talk about aliens!
CRAB + TURBO GRANNY
UMA? PSYCHIC PHENOMENON?
[thinks] I wanna talk to Miss Ayase.
About ghosts!
And she totally wanted to talk to me too.
But I was so nervous, I couldn't.
She must think I'm a jerk!
Gah! I wanna talk to Okarun!
I wanna find out
what he thinks aliens eat,
and if they poop, or wear underwear!
How could you be such a dumb dummy, Ken?
I wanna talk to Okarun!
I have to fix it between us,
or she'll hate me forever!
I wanna talk to him! I gotta talk to him!
WHAT DO THEY EAT?
[pencils scribbling]
[gentle acoustic guitar music playing]
[murmur of voices]
-Uh…
-[Okarun] Uh…
-[grunting]
-[girls gasp]
[both grunting]
Uh, who?
What are you, deaf? Okarun!
[boy 1] Do you know his real name?
Dude, I ain't telling you his real name.
He wears round glasses
and digs the occult.
Is there a kid like that in our class?
[boy 2] It's lunch.
He's probably in the caff.
[Okarun, nervously] Um, 'scuse me.
Is there a Miss Ayase here?
What? I can barely hear ya.
[Okarun thinks] I'll try the cafeteria.
Okarun wouldn't be in the caff,
it's a zoo.
I'll try the school store.
[thinks] The store?
Well, if she's not in the cafeteria,
I'll check there.
Oh, she's not here.
I… I'll try the school store.
Guess I'll try the cafeteria.
[both think] Not here either.
She's avoiding me.
After this morning,
she must've decided I was boring,
and probably thinks I'm a pest, too.
Jeez. Our lunch break is almost over.
Where the hell is he hiding?
[Okarun] I hate my life.
He did seem kind of mopey this morning.
Maybe he thinks I'm pushy. I kinda am.
I shoulda asked him what was wrong,
instead of blabbing away like a dork.
Ah, she's super popular.
What does she need a friend like me for?
Maybe I'm just a backup friend.
Maybe he doesn't wanna hang out with me.
Maybe I don't even count
as a backup friend.
[gentle guitar music continues]
[sighs]
I feel like such a butthole.
What was I thinking?
Why do I have to be such a wimp?
Man, why am I always like this?
I'm sorry, Miss Ayase.
I'm sorry, Okarun.
Ow! Th… there you are!
Ow! Miss Ayase!
Wh… what are you doing out here?
[Momo] I was gonna ask you the same…
Ow! I think you cracked one of my teeth!
[Okarun] I spent my whole lunch break
looking everywhere for you!
Uh… Me too!
Why couldn't you just stay in one place?
Uh… Are you serious?
You were looking for me?
Yeah! And now our lunch is almost over.
But this whole time,
I thought you were avoiding me.
What? I thought you were avoiding me.
[Momo thinks] Oh, man. This is so awkward.
I better change the subject, or…
-[girls squeal] Ah!
-[both gasp]
-You guys were kissing!
-[both gasp]
[girl 1] What's your prob, Momo?
Why didn't you tell us?
[girl 2] Now we know
why you've been so weird.
Hold up! You think I go around
kissing nerds like him?
Yeah! And, like,
I'd never kiss a stupid girl like her!
Ah, shut your hole. I'm doin'
the rejecting around here, ya baldy!
You're so stupid.
You don't know what hair is.
Oh-ho-ho! Typical four-eyes,
making lame comebacks.
Ah! You just made enemies
of glasses wearers everywhere!
Well, I don't ever wanna
talk to you again.
-Go kick rocks.
-Fine!
I don't wanna speak to you either.
[both scoff]
[pop music playing]
Wicked.
[both] They're totes into each other!
[Okarun] I went way overboard back there.
I like talking to her.
I better come up with an apology.
Huh?
Oh fu…
[girl 3] Girl! I heard you were making out
with some guy in the courtyard!
[girl 4] Who is he? What class is he in?
[Momo] Like I said…
we weren't making out!
They were. And he's your typical nerd.
Glasses, the works.
-[all] Oooh!
-Would you shut up already?
-[Okarun] Ayase-san!
-Hey, guys. Her bae's comin'.
-[running footsteps]
-I said…
-[Okarun grunts]
-…we weren't making…
-What the hell are you doing?
-[panting]
I have to talk to you right away!
Oh! He is a nerd.
-[all] Mmm.
-Oof. Big nerd.
[Okarun] Listen, a major issue's come up!
I said I didn't wanna talk to you anymore,
so go back to class.
Go! Shoo!
There's no time for that nonsense!
This is important!
I need to speak with you now, alone!
Please come out and talk to me!
-Piss off!
-[girl 2] Damn, you're harsh.
I feel sorry for your boyfriend.
[Momo] Like I said, he's not my boyfriend!
Quit spreadin' rumors! Jeez!
[Okarun] This morning,
you had no problem talking to me.
Why are you acting like this now?
What happened?
[Momo] Well, you did say
you didn't wanna talk to me.
[Okarun] I… I only said that
because I felt provoked.
The truth is, I like talking to you.
It's all I think about.
-[all giggle]
-Yeah! Sweet-talker!
-You go, nerd boy!
-Shut it!
I don't wanna talk, and that's that.
Get lost, creep.
Why are you being so mean to the guy?
You're mean for cheering him on.
[wistful electronic music playing]
[Okarun] I didn't know being friends
with me embarrassed you that much.
Babe, you were way too hard on that dude.
If he's just a friend, a wisecrack or two,
like, would've done the job.
What's up with you?
[Momo sighs]
[clock chimes]
[laughter and chatter]
[girl] Okay? Seriously?
[Okarun thinks] I guess
she went home already.
[gasps] Sorry!
[gasps]
How clumsy of me.
Are you okay?
Huh? Ye… yeah. Are you okay?
My bag's heavy, 'cause of my water bottle.
I hope it didn't hurt too much?
Nah, it didn't hurt me at all.
I've been workin' out, so…
[girl] I'm really sorry.
[squeaks] No, it was my fault.
Really, don't feel bad about it.
[girl] You're so kind.
Huh?
-[cute electronic music playing]
-[giggles]
[squeaks]
[thinks] Man, this sucks.
I feel like I'm the bad guy here.
Well, I guess I kinda am.
Oh.
[both giggling]
[thinks] Uh…
What the hell is this?
He said he didn't have any friends.
She's pretty cute, too.
[girl] Did you see that guy?
You see his face? He looked so hilarious!
He totally fell for me.
He'll be dreaming about me till he's old.
[friend] You are so mean!
[girl] Oh please. It's fun
having dorks like him drool over me.
That was probably the best
convo he ever had with a cute girl.
Heck, that was probably the first time
he was ever touched by a girl.
And the last!
No harm in letting him
dream about me for a bit.
[rattles]
[girl] I made that four-eyed loser's day.
-[clang]
-[gasps]
-[groans]
-[thud]
[friend] Aira! Are you okay?
Where'd that thing come from?
It just fell on her out of nowhere!
Oh no! That girl passed out!
[thinks] Uh-oh. Could it be
a delayed reaction from bumping into me?
[gasps]
Miss Ayase!
Okarun! Wanna walk me home?
Damn, you're lookin' sharp
in those glasses!
[grunts appreciatively]
Some girls are too stupid
to see how cool a guy like you is.
They deserve washtubs falling on 'em
instead of guys falling for 'em.
[Aira groans]
[all] Huh?
[music stops]
[Momo] My attitude today was the worst.
I'm sorry.
In the courtyard, after that…
you know, teeth-banging thing.…
[sighs] …I kinda lost it.
[sighs] Sorry for behaving that way.
[gentle music playing]
And, like, I'm not embarrassed
about us being friends.
Oh, I know.
I totally get it.
I'm just happy we could sort it out
and be friends again.
Huh?
[sighs]
Uh… Anyway,
that stuff's not important now!
Huh? What do you mean, it's not important?
I couldn't stop thinkin' about it!
Calm down for a second. Listen.
You know how we thought
we took care of Turbo Granny?
Yeah. She's gone.
We even did a special prayer.
No more curse, and you got your peen.
Everything's back to normal.
Not quite.
Say what?
-[high-pitched] My balls.
-Huh?
My balls are gone.
[laughing raucously]
Now you know why I asked to see your junk.
How in the hell did you not notice?
They're your balls, dumbass.
Would you stop? It's not funny.
When I saw my shaft there, I was
so relieved, I forgot to check the rest.
Listen to you, callin' it a shaft
like it's massive.
Your age, it's more like a little pencil.
You've never seen it!
That settles it. I'd better scope you out.
What? You're going to look?
Not at your wiener, you doofus.
I'm gonna take a peek into your soul.
-[Momo sighs happily]
-[gasps]
-Yep. Momo, bring me some kind of doll.
-[Okarun] Uh…
And bring a washtub full of water.
There's somethin' hiding inside him.
Right, let's get this show on the road.
That talisman stuck on good?
-You dummy!
-[grunts]
-[Momo snorts]
-What ?
-What was that for, huh?
-[Momo giggling]
Don't move or speak,
ya rotten tangerine.
[Okarun] What the… You're acting like
a teacher in some old TV show.
The lines in the kanji for "person"
support each other!
Ow! That hurt!
You're not Kinpachi Sensei,
and he'd never call a kid
a rotten tangerine!
-Momo, you see anything just now?
-[Okarun gasps]
Yeah, I did.
When you smacked him,
the color of his aura changed.
I'm gonna need your help with this.
When you see the aura change color,
grab it and pull it out.
[Momo] I can take out a person's aura?
[Grandma] It's not his.
And if it ain't part of him,
you should be able to snatch it.
Get ready.
Focus on it.
[Okarun whimpers]
Okay.
[eerie music playing]
-[Grandma grunts]
-[Okarun yelps]
[groans]
Whoa. I felt it in my hands.
I had it, but it's gone!
I'm sorry, Grandma.
I don't know where it went.
[Grandma] Take it easy.
HOUSEHOLD SAFETY
AGAINST EVIL AND MISFORTUNE
[bubbling sounds]
-[Momo] Jeez!
-[Okarun yelps]
[Grandma] No you don't!
It's getting away! Go on, get after it!
[both panting]
[energetic music playing]
Dang it. Where'd that thing go?
-[Grandma] Come out, ya rotten tangerine.
-[sighs]
[gasps]
[thinks] I know.
[grunts]
Here, kitty, kitty.
-[high-pitched ringing]
-[Momo] A-ha!
[gasps]
[eerie whirring]
I got it!
[panting] It's in here.
[music stops]
-[hinges creak]
-[gasps]
Let me go right now!
I'll murder you all! Let me go!
[straining]
That was amazing.
Your psychic powers
have gotten even stronger.
-Oh yeah. I know.
-[cat] Let me out of here!
-[Momo] What's the deal with this thing?
-I'll rip your faces off!
-[Okarun] Beats me.
-I'll gobble your eyes!
-Look what we got here.
-What is it?
[Grandma] That's Turbo Granny.
[both] Huh?
I thought we got rid of her for good.
She should be in the the afterlife.
Don't go underestimatin' the elderly.
A couple of squirts like you
can't destroy me that easy.
-[Momo] She's kinda cute like that.
-Don't you disrespect me, you little punk.
Right when the barrier started burnin' me,
I switched over to my astral form
and swam through the fire.
Then I popped into the boy.
My energy was low,
and I was so close to dyin',
none of you could even tell I was in him.
So I stayed nice and quiet,
waitin' to get all my power back.
The second I did, I was gonna jump out
and straight up murder you all!
Give it up, lady. You lost. Deal with it.
I ain't lost nothin'!
Specially to no numbskull chibi like you!
I'm gonna make you suffer for this.
Once my power's back,
I'll snap your bones!
[screeching]
You don't get
the situation you're in, do you?
You can talk scary all you want.
But in the end, we're in charge, not you.
You hear that? It's over for you.
Give back my balls!
Give 'em back right now, or else!
If I were you, I'd forget
all about gettin' rid of me.
'Cause if I die, any hope you have
of gettin' your nuts back dies with me.
[both gasp]
Do you morons get
the situation you're in now?
I'm in charge here, 'cause I got
the kid by his balls. Literally.
-You're gonna kill these bitches for me.
-[Momo gasps]
[Turbo Granny] So go to the kitchen
and grab a knife.
Kill 'em, and you get your nuts back.
-No way!
-[Turbo Granny] Get on with it!
Make up your mind!
You want your balls or don'tcha?
Get a knife and start killin'!
-[Okarun grunts]
-[crack]
[Okarun sighs]
[groaning]
[soft rattling]
[cracking and whooshing]
Murder cat's got me stressin' now.
Such a bummer.
-Huh?
-What in the heck?
How can you transform
when we drove the old bat outta ya?
He can't! He shouldn't!
[Grandma] See this paper fan?
It's got the power
to drive evil spirits out of folks.
You musta been
hangin' onto him real tight,
'cause it looks like only
your consciousness left the kid's body.
You get that, hon?
Only your consciousness is in the doll.
Your power's still in the kid here.
And guess what? I'm the only one
that can put you back together.
Callin' this here Kinpachi a bitch
was way outta line.
-You dumbass cat turd rotten tangerine!
-[whimpering]
[squeals]
Don't eat me, Sensei! I'm sorry!
-I ain't your sensei, squirt!
-Ouch! Ow!
-You wanna trash-talk me?
-[Okarun] Whoo, Seiko. You are a badass.
[Seiko] The hell do you think you are?
-You don't look so tough now!
-[Momo] Oh, you're back!
That was awesome!
How'd you transform just now?
-Um, I don't know.
-[Turbo Granny] Screw this.
-I remember getting mad.
-[Seiko] I'll bust your ass!
-Next thing I knew, I was that other me.
-[blows landing]
-[Seiko] Fuzzball!
-[Turbo Granny shrieking]
-Rotten tangerine! Who's a bitch now?
-Grandma, it's cool. Take a break.
All right, Turbo Granny, listen up.
Sure, you're a bitter and mean old bag,
but in the end, I get why.
You felt as sorry
for those dead girls as I did.
So let's all chill out and be nice.
Here's the deal.
If you give his balls back,
we'll give you back your power.
Cool?
Huh. Damn delinquents.
All right.
Then it's settled.
Okay, lady. Hand over his balls.
They ain't with me.
Now, look! We had a deal here.
-Give 'em back--
-[Turbo Granny] I don't have 'em. I swear.
-I sorta lost them. I'm not sure where.
-[both gasp]
[lively music playing]
[song in Japanese playing]
Any resemblance to actual persons
or organizations in this work of fiction
(Ken Takakura included) is coincidental.
[Seiko] Dangerous. Dangerous.
-[Okarun] What's dangerous? Huh?
-[Momo] What?
[Seiko] Folks say something's dangerous
when they see something dangerous.
[Momo] Totally.
Next time, "A Dangerous Woman Arrives."
[Okarun] Can someone tell me
what's dangerous?