Family Affair (1966) s01e05 Episode Script
Marmalade
1
That's like old times, Ellen.
You've been away too long.
Well, I can't imagine a more perfect first
evening back in New York.
The atmosphere, the cooking.
I can't take credit for either.
Marvelous.
Pardon, Miss Latimer?
French, your Yorkshire pudding is
marvelous.
Thank you, madam.
Better than any I tasted in London.
Old family recipe, isn't it, French?
Oh, yes, sir.
Handed down from father to son for over
400 years.
Matter of family pride that
our Yorkshire pudding was the
last dish requested by Charles
I before he was executed.
I bet he couldn't ask for seconds.
And your choice of music.
We find the English composers conducive to
proper atmosphere.
He's a dream, Bill.
That he is.
Well, who's that?
Mata Hari and James Bond?
We came to say goodnight, Uncle Bill.
And see if there's any dessert there.
Uh-huh.
Well, you had enough dessert.
Besides, you can't sleep with a full
stomach.
Can we try?
Buffy, Jody, goodnight, and off to bed.
Goodnight, Miss Ladder.
Goodnight, Miss Ladder.
Goodnight, Uncle Bill.
Goodnight, Uncle Bill.
Goodnight.
Oh, may we point out, sir, it's exactly 20
minutes till curtain time.
The cab has been ordered, sir.
Oh, the theater tickets are in your inside
pocket.
Ah.
Thank you, French.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
We still got that date for lunch tomorrow?
Just perfect.
What time?
Hmm?
Uh, time for what?
Lunch.
The perfect lunch.
Oh!
How about 1 O'clock?
Fine.
Good night, Miss Latimer.
A pleasant evening.
Yes, very pleasant.
Mr. Hayden?
I have the most wonderful news.
Sit down, Ellen.
Tell me all about it.
Well, I have found the ideal man.
What does he do?
Oh, he's a Butler.
Butler?
Yes, a gentleman's gentleman.
You mean you're going to marry a
gentleman's gentleman?
Uh, I'd better start over.
Mr. Hayden, I'm not marrying anybody.
This ideal man would be ideal for the
Dunholt Marmalade ad.
Oh.
Oh.
British?
Totally.
Just me.
A genuine gentleman's gentleman serving
Dunholt Marmalade.
The exact image we've been looking for.
It's possible.
Go ahead, give it a try.
Oh, thank you.
Now I need one more approval.
Well, and French just isn't the kind of
guy.
You know, the whole idea of the thing,
it'd make him shudder.
Maybe you better just see if you can do
it.
See if you can find another gentleman's
gentleman, huh?
Bill, French is absolutely perfect.
And we'd only need him for one day.
I just don't think he'll do it.
French is, he's awful conservative.
But if you at least asked him.
Bill, it means a big promotion for me.
Okay, never let it be said that Bill Davis
didn't do his best to promote a pretty girl.
Yeah.
I'll call you.
I'll call you later.
Bye.
Bye.
What are you doing, Jody?
Fixing Sissy's radio.
Can you fix radios?
I'm finding out.
Hey, wait.
Lose something, Sissy?
My transistor.
I can't find it.
Here it is.
I'm fixing it.
Oh, Jody.
I wish you'd ask permission before you do
such things.
You ruined it.
It worked.
Good.
fixer.
You ruined it.
Hi, buddy.
Do I detect a familiar musical group
there?
It's a Velvet Vulture Festival in WXOY.
I know.
Not so loud, huh?
French isn't exactly a fan.
I know.
Where is he?
He's in the kitchen.
He taught us to shoot, so we shoot.
Thank God.
Good evening, French.
Oh, good evening, sir.
Ah, beautiful, beautiful.
I, uh, I had a call from Miss Latimer
today.
Oh, yes, huh?
Seems you made quite an impression.
Oh, we do our best, sir.
She, uh, called me, but actually the call
was about you.
Oh?
Me, sir?
Yeah.
Well, see, she, um, well, actually,
she'd like a little favor.
A favor, sir?
Your services, for a day, just one day.
Oh, a meeting of some sort, sir?
I mean, a Sunday brunch, perhaps?
A garden party, maybe?
No.
No, um, well, French, actually,
she'd like you to pose for an ad.
Not furtisement, sir.
Our countenance splashed about.
About for everyone to see.
I mean, billboards, magazines.
Oh, no, nothing like that, no.
Oh, this would be very dignified.
A very small ad in a newspaper,
just a newspaper.
Dunholt Marmalade.
They're not a male model, sir.
Well, I told her you wouldn't be
interested.
Oh, well, I trust she won't be too
disappointed, sir.
Of course, on the other hand, I did tell
her that I'd try to change her mind.
Oh.
Any particular reason, sir?
Very particular reason.
Oh, you know, I am rather fond of Miss Latimer,
and this would be very important to her, too.
Yes, sir.
Well, in that case, sir, we'll do our best
to accommodate both of you, sir.
French.
Sir, I trust this can be done quickly and
forgotten, sir.
A small answer.
Very small.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Oh, Miss Latimer, must I go through with
this pity patting on my brow?
It's necessary, French, to eliminate the
highlights.
Sir, what do you intend to do with that
comb?
Just going to fluff up your beard a
little.
Sir, my beard is non-fluffy, groomed to my
liking, and shall remain so.
Now, go away.
Now.
Now, ready for the actor.
Actor.
Now, remember, French,
standing back of the tea card, hold
up the marmalade, and
start to dip into it with a spoon.
And give us a great big smile.
Smile, sir?
Yes.
You're supposed to be serving your
favorite marmalade to the Duke.
Oh, which Duke, sir?
Any Duke.
Oh, I'd rather.
You'd be a little more specific if you
don't mind, sir.
All right.
The Duke of Glastonbury.
Oh, dear me, I am sorry, sir, but there is
no Duke of Glastonbury.
Then make it an Earl or a lord,
anything to get over our message.
Very well, sir.
We shall, let me see.
Yes, sir, we shall visualize Lord
Thornton.
His lordship was always very fond of
sweets.
Good.
All right, all right.
Who is going to pose him?
Sir, I am going to pose myself.
Glad you could drop by, Bill.
How's it going?
French okay?
Well, he's a little nervous, but he'll be
wonderful.
Oh, Mr. Davis.
Oh, after you left the house, Mr. Hagen
called.
He can't make that handball game this
afternoon, sir.
Oh, oh, it's too bad.
Where'd he go?
Excuse me, sir.
Certainly.
Now, get away with that thing.
Take me as I am or not at all.
Oh, go away.
Instead of handball, sir, I was supposing I'd call
Mr. Harbach up and arrange a game of squash.
French, never mind about me.
Now, get back to the marmalade.
Oh.
Phew.
Say so, sir.
We'll be fine.
Watch.
Okay?
Ready?
No, I'm afraid not.
This is not a marmalade spoon.
This might have been easier with Laurence
Olivier.
Forget the spoon, French, and just hold up
the marmalade.
Good.
Hold it.
A full page.
A full page.
Wait till Mr. French sees this.
He's pretty.
Maybe he's smiling because we weren't
there.
Well, children, are we ready for the park?
Look, Mr. French, it's you.
Good heavens.
It's not a small advertisement at all.
It's a full page.
Mrs. Beasley thinks you're beautiful.
It's appalling.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I thought you were on your way to the
park.
Sir, I'm on my way into hibernation.
Oh.
Oh, that's terrific.
Sir, I was under the impression that this
was to be a small advertisement.
Well, so was I.
They didn't tell me they
were going to do that, but they
must have been very
impressed to go all the way with it.
That's going to be great for Ellen.
Yes.
My friend, sir, in their eyes, I shall
appear, well, most, well, most undignified, sir.
French, you're just too sensitive.
Now, I guarantee you, by the time I get
back from Washington on Monday,
it'll all be forgotten.
I hope you're right, sir.
My, that should be undone.
Mr. Branch, can we go to the mansion?
Can we go around?
All the kids and nannies are there.
No, we shall stay here.
Then let's play hide-and-go-seek.
That's a splendid suggestion.
Come on.
Oh, how I wish to hide.
Well, Mr. French.
Oh.
Oh, how do you do, Mr. Withers?
By the by.
Have you glanced at page five?
Oh, page five.
You've seen it, then.
At breakfast.
Nearly choked on me muffins.
Yes, no doubt I'd have done the same
thing.
Had I seen your photograph.
Yeah, well, you never would, of course.
Excellent likeness.
Yes, rather a ridiculous smile.
They instructed me to look like that.
How much marmalade do you receive for
posing?
Mr. Winters, I deplore your innuendo.
And I deplore publicity seekers.
I assure you, sir, so do I.
Page five speaks for itself.
Good day, Mr. French.
Oh, slings and arrows of outrageous
fortune.
Wait there, Dorothy.
Girls, girls, he's here in person.
Oh, Mr. French, we were just talking about
you, beautiful pig.
Oh, your smile was dazzling, positively
dazzling.
We have a celebrity in our midst.
Dazzling?
Ladies, you can't possibly mean me.
Indeed, we do.
Please.
Oh, Mr.
French, I wonder, would you be kind enough
to autograph page five for me?
Oh, ladies, surely you don't want my
autograph.
Of course, please.
Oh, we certainly do.
Very well, ladies.
I mean, if you insist.
Ellen, about that Dunholt marmalade ad.
I've seen the reports.
Marmalade sales up all over the area.
Gave me a notion.
Ellen, we're going to sign up French as
the Dunholt Marmalade Goodwill.
Ambassador.
Send him all around the country on a
five-week tour.
Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco.
Well, that might present a problem.
He was reluctant to pose for even one ad.
He's a Butler, isn't he?
We'll give him a chance to get out of that
kind of work.
He'll jump at it.
I'll call him.
But first I'll have to call Bill Davis in
Washington and get his permission.
Okay.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much, ma'am.
Good day to you.
Oh.
Excuse me, but aren't you
You're him!
Yes, ma'am, I suppose I am.
I, uh Don't trust me, ladies.
I shall accommodate you one and all.
Oh, thank you.
Wonderful.
Everything.
go well in Washington, sir?
Fine, fine.
Any calls?
Yes, sir, Miss Latimer.
Rather puzzling.
Puzzling?
Yes, sir, she asked me if you'd spoken to
me yet regarding some decision.
Oh, yeah, you know, Mr. Hayden,
her boss, has got another nutty idea.
He wants you to be the Dunholt Marmalade
Goodwill Ambassador nationally.
Nationally, sir?
Goodwill Ambassador, sir?
I told her you wouldn't go for it.
You know, five weeks of traveling all
around the country, interviews,
publicity, all that, in the spotlight
every minute.
You'd hate it.
Oh, yes, I'd hate it.
Oh, at least one would think.
And then, sir, there's always the question
of the children.
That's right.
Who's going to take care of Buffy and
Jody?
Uh, well, sir, we could inquire of Miss
Favisham.
Miss Favisham?
She's quite trustworthy, sir.
Oh, yes, I know.
I just meant, uh, she's still working for
the Whitleys, isn't she?
Oh, yes, yes, sir, but they've taken the
young ones to visit relatives.
Uh, she's free for at least a month.
Uh-huh.
Now, listen, French, you're, uh,
you're not agreeing to this because you
know I kind of like Miss Latimer,
are you?
Not exactly, sir.
Yes, ma'am.
Excuse me, sir.
I'll, uh, contact Miss Davisham.
I'd better do it myself, you know, sir, because if we
lose her, we'd be in rather a mess, wouldn't we, sir?
Your tour sounds really exciting,
Mr. French.
Quite.
Nonetheless, I shall feel a pang of regret
upon leaving.
What time's your appointment, French?
Oh, I'm due at the I'm due at the
photographer's studio within the hour, sir.
Plenty of time to take the twins to
school.
Oh, Cissy can take them today.
Oh, sure.
Come on, kids, let's go get our books.
They're gonna miss you, you know.
Yes, sir, just We
shall miss them, sir.
Well, come on, I can drop you off on the
way downtown.
Oh, very good, sir.
I'm, uh
You know, sir, I wonder if you'd like
to, uh view the photographic sessions.
You know, I'm becoming quite professional,
they tell me.
For example, sir, the marmalade smile.
Got it.
Just one more, and we're finished over
here, Mr. French.
Oh, Bill, he'll be wonderful for us.
He's gonna be ruined as a Butler for us.
Right.
You do understand the image we're trying
to get?
Oh, perfectly, sir, yes.
As I taste a spoonful of the marmalade,
an expression of utter delight.
Right.
All set?
Anytime.
Ready, Mr. French?
Taste the marmalade.
Something wrong?
Oh, this, this, this, this dumb hold.
What's the matter with it?
Without a doubt, Mr. Hayden, it's the
worst marmalade I've ever tasted in my life.
Doesn't like it.
But, Mr. French, it's very popular.
Try another spoonful.
Think of the money you'll be making.
Sir, my taste buds are not for sale.
I hereby resign as the Dunholt Marmalade
Goodwill Ambassador.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't do that.
We have a contract we'll sue.
Uh, Mr. Hayden, you can't expect a man of French's
character to endorse a product he doesn't like.
We expect him to abide by his contract.
There is nothing in here about his liking
the marmalade.
French, the Davis and Gaynor attorneys are
at your disposal.
Well, thank you, Mr. Davis, but I shall
make the tour.
Good.
And at each and every stop, I shall point out
the unfortunate taste of this miserable marmalade.
Let's get out of here, Miss Latimer.
Sorry, Ellen.
Well, French, I'm glad you stuck by your
guns.
You lose a job and I lose a girl.
I'm sorry, sir, but it was a matter of my
honest opinion.
I told Mr. Hayden I forgot my gloves.
I really came back to see you,
French.
I'm sorry, Miss Latimer, if I caused you
any trouble.
Don't apologize.
Other gentleman's gentlemen are available
to us, but men with your integrity are rare.
Well, now, where were we?
Well, I was just suggesting dinner on the
terrace.
How do you do, sir?
Do your children wish to say good night?
Good night, Miss Latimer.
Good night, Miss Latimer.
Good night, Miss Latimer.
Good night, Miss Latimer.
Boy, are we glad Mr. French is our nanny
again.
Now, children, I've spoken to you
concerning that, uh, word.
Now, off to bed.
I'm glad you changed your mind.
You gave up a wonderful deal, French.
You would have been famous as the Dunholt
man.
If I may quote Miss Latimer, what is fame
but an empty bubble?
Well, now, excuse me, but the bubble has
broken, and I will do the dishes.
That's like old times, Ellen.
You've been away too long.
Well, I can't imagine a more perfect first
evening back in New York.
The atmosphere, the cooking.
I can't take credit for either.
Marvelous.
Pardon, Miss Latimer?
French, your Yorkshire pudding is
marvelous.
Thank you, madam.
Better than any I tasted in London.
Old family recipe, isn't it, French?
Oh, yes, sir.
Handed down from father to son for over
400 years.
Matter of family pride that
our Yorkshire pudding was the
last dish requested by Charles
I before he was executed.
I bet he couldn't ask for seconds.
And your choice of music.
We find the English composers conducive to
proper atmosphere.
He's a dream, Bill.
That he is.
Well, who's that?
Mata Hari and James Bond?
We came to say goodnight, Uncle Bill.
And see if there's any dessert there.
Uh-huh.
Well, you had enough dessert.
Besides, you can't sleep with a full
stomach.
Can we try?
Buffy, Jody, goodnight, and off to bed.
Goodnight, Miss Ladder.
Goodnight, Miss Ladder.
Goodnight, Uncle Bill.
Goodnight, Uncle Bill.
Goodnight.
Oh, may we point out, sir, it's exactly 20
minutes till curtain time.
The cab has been ordered, sir.
Oh, the theater tickets are in your inside
pocket.
Ah.
Thank you, French.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
We still got that date for lunch tomorrow?
Just perfect.
What time?
Hmm?
Uh, time for what?
Lunch.
The perfect lunch.
Oh!
How about 1 O'clock?
Fine.
Good night, Miss Latimer.
A pleasant evening.
Yes, very pleasant.
Mr. Hayden?
I have the most wonderful news.
Sit down, Ellen.
Tell me all about it.
Well, I have found the ideal man.
What does he do?
Oh, he's a Butler.
Butler?
Yes, a gentleman's gentleman.
You mean you're going to marry a
gentleman's gentleman?
Uh, I'd better start over.
Mr. Hayden, I'm not marrying anybody.
This ideal man would be ideal for the
Dunholt Marmalade ad.
Oh.
Oh.
British?
Totally.
Just me.
A genuine gentleman's gentleman serving
Dunholt Marmalade.
The exact image we've been looking for.
It's possible.
Go ahead, give it a try.
Oh, thank you.
Now I need one more approval.
Well, and French just isn't the kind of
guy.
You know, the whole idea of the thing,
it'd make him shudder.
Maybe you better just see if you can do
it.
See if you can find another gentleman's
gentleman, huh?
Bill, French is absolutely perfect.
And we'd only need him for one day.
I just don't think he'll do it.
French is, he's awful conservative.
But if you at least asked him.
Bill, it means a big promotion for me.
Okay, never let it be said that Bill Davis
didn't do his best to promote a pretty girl.
Yeah.
I'll call you.
I'll call you later.
Bye.
Bye.
What are you doing, Jody?
Fixing Sissy's radio.
Can you fix radios?
I'm finding out.
Hey, wait.
Lose something, Sissy?
My transistor.
I can't find it.
Here it is.
I'm fixing it.
Oh, Jody.
I wish you'd ask permission before you do
such things.
You ruined it.
It worked.
Good.
fixer.
You ruined it.
Hi, buddy.
Do I detect a familiar musical group
there?
It's a Velvet Vulture Festival in WXOY.
I know.
Not so loud, huh?
French isn't exactly a fan.
I know.
Where is he?
He's in the kitchen.
He taught us to shoot, so we shoot.
Thank God.
Good evening, French.
Oh, good evening, sir.
Ah, beautiful, beautiful.
I, uh, I had a call from Miss Latimer
today.
Oh, yes, huh?
Seems you made quite an impression.
Oh, we do our best, sir.
She, uh, called me, but actually the call
was about you.
Oh?
Me, sir?
Yeah.
Well, see, she, um, well, actually,
she'd like a little favor.
A favor, sir?
Your services, for a day, just one day.
Oh, a meeting of some sort, sir?
I mean, a Sunday brunch, perhaps?
A garden party, maybe?
No.
No, um, well, French, actually,
she'd like you to pose for an ad.
Not furtisement, sir.
Our countenance splashed about.
About for everyone to see.
I mean, billboards, magazines.
Oh, no, nothing like that, no.
Oh, this would be very dignified.
A very small ad in a newspaper,
just a newspaper.
Dunholt Marmalade.
They're not a male model, sir.
Well, I told her you wouldn't be
interested.
Oh, well, I trust she won't be too
disappointed, sir.
Of course, on the other hand, I did tell
her that I'd try to change her mind.
Oh.
Any particular reason, sir?
Very particular reason.
Oh, you know, I am rather fond of Miss Latimer,
and this would be very important to her, too.
Yes, sir.
Well, in that case, sir, we'll do our best
to accommodate both of you, sir.
French.
Sir, I trust this can be done quickly and
forgotten, sir.
A small answer.
Very small.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Oh, Miss Latimer, must I go through with
this pity patting on my brow?
It's necessary, French, to eliminate the
highlights.
Sir, what do you intend to do with that
comb?
Just going to fluff up your beard a
little.
Sir, my beard is non-fluffy, groomed to my
liking, and shall remain so.
Now, go away.
Now.
Now, ready for the actor.
Actor.
Now, remember, French,
standing back of the tea card, hold
up the marmalade, and
start to dip into it with a spoon.
And give us a great big smile.
Smile, sir?
Yes.
You're supposed to be serving your
favorite marmalade to the Duke.
Oh, which Duke, sir?
Any Duke.
Oh, I'd rather.
You'd be a little more specific if you
don't mind, sir.
All right.
The Duke of Glastonbury.
Oh, dear me, I am sorry, sir, but there is
no Duke of Glastonbury.
Then make it an Earl or a lord,
anything to get over our message.
Very well, sir.
We shall, let me see.
Yes, sir, we shall visualize Lord
Thornton.
His lordship was always very fond of
sweets.
Good.
All right, all right.
Who is going to pose him?
Sir, I am going to pose myself.
Glad you could drop by, Bill.
How's it going?
French okay?
Well, he's a little nervous, but he'll be
wonderful.
Oh, Mr. Davis.
Oh, after you left the house, Mr. Hagen
called.
He can't make that handball game this
afternoon, sir.
Oh, oh, it's too bad.
Where'd he go?
Excuse me, sir.
Certainly.
Now, get away with that thing.
Take me as I am or not at all.
Oh, go away.
Instead of handball, sir, I was supposing I'd call
Mr. Harbach up and arrange a game of squash.
French, never mind about me.
Now, get back to the marmalade.
Oh.
Phew.
Say so, sir.
We'll be fine.
Watch.
Okay?
Ready?
No, I'm afraid not.
This is not a marmalade spoon.
This might have been easier with Laurence
Olivier.
Forget the spoon, French, and just hold up
the marmalade.
Good.
Hold it.
A full page.
A full page.
Wait till Mr. French sees this.
He's pretty.
Maybe he's smiling because we weren't
there.
Well, children, are we ready for the park?
Look, Mr. French, it's you.
Good heavens.
It's not a small advertisement at all.
It's a full page.
Mrs. Beasley thinks you're beautiful.
It's appalling.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I thought you were on your way to the
park.
Sir, I'm on my way into hibernation.
Oh.
Oh, that's terrific.
Sir, I was under the impression that this
was to be a small advertisement.
Well, so was I.
They didn't tell me they
were going to do that, but they
must have been very
impressed to go all the way with it.
That's going to be great for Ellen.
Yes.
My friend, sir, in their eyes, I shall
appear, well, most, well, most undignified, sir.
French, you're just too sensitive.
Now, I guarantee you, by the time I get
back from Washington on Monday,
it'll all be forgotten.
I hope you're right, sir.
My, that should be undone.
Mr. Branch, can we go to the mansion?
Can we go around?
All the kids and nannies are there.
No, we shall stay here.
Then let's play hide-and-go-seek.
That's a splendid suggestion.
Come on.
Oh, how I wish to hide.
Well, Mr. French.
Oh.
Oh, how do you do, Mr. Withers?
By the by.
Have you glanced at page five?
Oh, page five.
You've seen it, then.
At breakfast.
Nearly choked on me muffins.
Yes, no doubt I'd have done the same
thing.
Had I seen your photograph.
Yeah, well, you never would, of course.
Excellent likeness.
Yes, rather a ridiculous smile.
They instructed me to look like that.
How much marmalade do you receive for
posing?
Mr. Winters, I deplore your innuendo.
And I deplore publicity seekers.
I assure you, sir, so do I.
Page five speaks for itself.
Good day, Mr. French.
Oh, slings and arrows of outrageous
fortune.
Wait there, Dorothy.
Girls, girls, he's here in person.
Oh, Mr. French, we were just talking about
you, beautiful pig.
Oh, your smile was dazzling, positively
dazzling.
We have a celebrity in our midst.
Dazzling?
Ladies, you can't possibly mean me.
Indeed, we do.
Please.
Oh, Mr.
French, I wonder, would you be kind enough
to autograph page five for me?
Oh, ladies, surely you don't want my
autograph.
Of course, please.
Oh, we certainly do.
Very well, ladies.
I mean, if you insist.
Ellen, about that Dunholt marmalade ad.
I've seen the reports.
Marmalade sales up all over the area.
Gave me a notion.
Ellen, we're going to sign up French as
the Dunholt Marmalade Goodwill.
Ambassador.
Send him all around the country on a
five-week tour.
Chicago, New Orleans, San Francisco.
Well, that might present a problem.
He was reluctant to pose for even one ad.
He's a Butler, isn't he?
We'll give him a chance to get out of that
kind of work.
He'll jump at it.
I'll call him.
But first I'll have to call Bill Davis in
Washington and get his permission.
Okay.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much, ma'am.
Good day to you.
Oh.
Excuse me, but aren't you
You're him!
Yes, ma'am, I suppose I am.
I, uh Don't trust me, ladies.
I shall accommodate you one and all.
Oh, thank you.
Wonderful.
Everything.
go well in Washington, sir?
Fine, fine.
Any calls?
Yes, sir, Miss Latimer.
Rather puzzling.
Puzzling?
Yes, sir, she asked me if you'd spoken to
me yet regarding some decision.
Oh, yeah, you know, Mr. Hayden,
her boss, has got another nutty idea.
He wants you to be the Dunholt Marmalade
Goodwill Ambassador nationally.
Nationally, sir?
Goodwill Ambassador, sir?
I told her you wouldn't go for it.
You know, five weeks of traveling all
around the country, interviews,
publicity, all that, in the spotlight
every minute.
You'd hate it.
Oh, yes, I'd hate it.
Oh, at least one would think.
And then, sir, there's always the question
of the children.
That's right.
Who's going to take care of Buffy and
Jody?
Uh, well, sir, we could inquire of Miss
Favisham.
Miss Favisham?
She's quite trustworthy, sir.
Oh, yes, I know.
I just meant, uh, she's still working for
the Whitleys, isn't she?
Oh, yes, yes, sir, but they've taken the
young ones to visit relatives.
Uh, she's free for at least a month.
Uh-huh.
Now, listen, French, you're, uh,
you're not agreeing to this because you
know I kind of like Miss Latimer,
are you?
Not exactly, sir.
Yes, ma'am.
Excuse me, sir.
I'll, uh, contact Miss Davisham.
I'd better do it myself, you know, sir, because if we
lose her, we'd be in rather a mess, wouldn't we, sir?
Your tour sounds really exciting,
Mr. French.
Quite.
Nonetheless, I shall feel a pang of regret
upon leaving.
What time's your appointment, French?
Oh, I'm due at the I'm due at the
photographer's studio within the hour, sir.
Plenty of time to take the twins to
school.
Oh, Cissy can take them today.
Oh, sure.
Come on, kids, let's go get our books.
They're gonna miss you, you know.
Yes, sir, just We
shall miss them, sir.
Well, come on, I can drop you off on the
way downtown.
Oh, very good, sir.
I'm, uh
You know, sir, I wonder if you'd like
to, uh view the photographic sessions.
You know, I'm becoming quite professional,
they tell me.
For example, sir, the marmalade smile.
Got it.
Just one more, and we're finished over
here, Mr. French.
Oh, Bill, he'll be wonderful for us.
He's gonna be ruined as a Butler for us.
Right.
You do understand the image we're trying
to get?
Oh, perfectly, sir, yes.
As I taste a spoonful of the marmalade,
an expression of utter delight.
Right.
All set?
Anytime.
Ready, Mr. French?
Taste the marmalade.
Something wrong?
Oh, this, this, this, this dumb hold.
What's the matter with it?
Without a doubt, Mr. Hayden, it's the
worst marmalade I've ever tasted in my life.
Doesn't like it.
But, Mr. French, it's very popular.
Try another spoonful.
Think of the money you'll be making.
Sir, my taste buds are not for sale.
I hereby resign as the Dunholt Marmalade
Goodwill Ambassador.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't do that.
We have a contract we'll sue.
Uh, Mr. Hayden, you can't expect a man of French's
character to endorse a product he doesn't like.
We expect him to abide by his contract.
There is nothing in here about his liking
the marmalade.
French, the Davis and Gaynor attorneys are
at your disposal.
Well, thank you, Mr. Davis, but I shall
make the tour.
Good.
And at each and every stop, I shall point out
the unfortunate taste of this miserable marmalade.
Let's get out of here, Miss Latimer.
Sorry, Ellen.
Well, French, I'm glad you stuck by your
guns.
You lose a job and I lose a girl.
I'm sorry, sir, but it was a matter of my
honest opinion.
I told Mr. Hayden I forgot my gloves.
I really came back to see you,
French.
I'm sorry, Miss Latimer, if I caused you
any trouble.
Don't apologize.
Other gentleman's gentlemen are available
to us, but men with your integrity are rare.
Well, now, where were we?
Well, I was just suggesting dinner on the
terrace.
How do you do, sir?
Do your children wish to say good night?
Good night, Miss Latimer.
Good night, Miss Latimer.
Good night, Miss Latimer.
Good night, Miss Latimer.
Boy, are we glad Mr. French is our nanny
again.
Now, children, I've spoken to you
concerning that, uh, word.
Now, off to bed.
I'm glad you changed your mind.
You gave up a wonderful deal, French.
You would have been famous as the Dunholt
man.
If I may quote Miss Latimer, what is fame
but an empty bubble?
Well, now, excuse me, but the bubble has
broken, and I will do the dishes.