Film Club (2025) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
This programme contains
strong language
STONE CLATTERS ON WINDOW
STONE CLATTERS
SIGHS
KNOCKS ON DOOR
Not smothering!
She was intolerable.
Sensible, straight As, dead nice.
First one of us to go to uni.
Fancy career.
Couldn't believe it
when she moved back home.
I still don't fully get why
a grown-arsed woman
wants to wear wigs
in a garage, but
She just needs patience, I reckon.
Understanding.
How do I do that?
Maybe it's just space?
Giving her the permission to feel
the things that she's feeling.
I just feel like
she's going backwards.
A wobble isn't a fall.
While she's wobbling, she just
needs the right people round her.
People who care.
OK.
It's pissing me off now!
Scared us half to death acting like
One Flew Over The Cuckoo Tree
and then locking herself
in the garage for a week,
like Joan ArcJane of
bloody Fonda.
BANGING
Jesus Christ!
When did she sneak back in?
Mum, I'm just going to go
and speak with her. No, Isobel
No, don't, cos she thinks
we can't mind our own business.
Isobel!
Why are you doing that?
Mum's been reading about you lot.
You lot?
She's been researching brain foods.
Foods that heal the brain.
Right.
What are they? Pumpkin seeds.
OK.
She's had a lot of revelations
while you've been away.
I've been in the garage.
At one point, she thought
you needed an exorcism.
Next day she was listening to
seven hours of
Brene Brown's Daring Greatly.
What have you been watching
in there?
Well, I started with Dog
Oh, I don't actually care.
You slammed a door.
Yep.
You've never slammed a door.
Sorry. No, I liked it.
Maybe just feel it, Eves.
Feel what?
Whatever it is you keep
pegging it away from, I don't know.
I'm not smothering
I'mI'm just wondering
why you're not setting up.
Cos it's Noa's last week, isn't it?
His last film club tonight?
It's done, Mum.
It's not done, Evie.
No, it is.
You're right, I need to grow up.
Where did your little head go
in there?
Well, what did you watch?
All your faves?
Fucking hell! Whoa, sorry!
What are you doing here?
I'm sorry, Suz, sorry. Yeah, I'm
Well, I'm helping little one
with all her shite.
Her shite?
Not shite, stuff.
Mm-hm
So, how me girls doing? Women.
What? We're not girls,
are we, Josh? We're women.
Yeah, but you're my girls,
aren't ya?
Mum, can you give us five mins?
Mm-hm.
Oh, there's a treat for you
on the kitchen counter, Suz-o.
Mm-hm.
Just going to grab them
there B-bags, yeah.
Don't believe a word
that comes out of his mouth.
What? Don't believe a fucking word
that comes out of his mouth.
The smiling assassin.
I was dead worried, babe.
All I did was lock myself
in the garage for a week.
I thought that I'd done
something wrong.
No!
No, you haven't done anything wrong.
OK. It's me.
I need to get a grip.
What do you mean?
Mum had a ten-year-old and a
seven-year-old when she was my age.
I'm pathetic.
You
I wasn't always like this, you know.
I was helpful, I was useful.
You are perfect.
Exactly how you are.
Why are you so patient?
Because I get it. I get you.
But I'm not functioning.
I can function for the both of us.
I'd quite like to function.
I've got function for two.
I know you do.
I just think I
I want to know what I want,
and things like that.
Cos I used to know.
OK.
But I kind of know
what you want for you,
cos I'm like the Evie whisperer.
What do I want?
Er You want a snug?
Thanks.
Are you taking this
..object?
Er, no.
Yes.
GRUFF VOICE: OK, Noa!
Hey, listen, I didn't know what was
happening with Film Club tonight.
I wasn't sure it would be on.
So, um
..I have swapped shifts
with someone,
and I did book us in for a
..a last supper, of sorts.
OK, um OK.
Thanks. That's great.
Oh, put some fucking sleeves on,
Judas.
Hey, babe. You're under arrest
..for being too damn sexy.
Ugh!
Babe? Where are you?
Dogs.
I've got a plan.
I'll bung you 20 quid, you nip
down the party shop in the village,
get all the gubbins you can.
Cos we are doing Film Club.
What? I love you.
Izzie.
All right? Thank God you're here.
Come in. Noa's upstairs.
Hiya.
What's that?
Lasagne ingredios.
Yeah, I thought that
I could rustle it up for us tonight.
Suz?
Yes, Josh?
You do like lasagne, don't you?
Yeah. I like lasagne.
You bloody lied!
No, I didn't lie.
Well, what do you call it, then?
Protecting.
Yeah, I do
I do call it protecting, yeah.
She didn't know who the fuck I was.
And the way you spoke to that girl!
I did tell you not to come.
Look, I don't want this
contaminated. "This?" Us.
My mum would just judge her.
Or is it you that's judging her?
I feel like I've finally found
this thing that I'm good at
and I don't want her,
like, shitting on it.
So you just keep her hidden away
for the rest of your life?
It's OK for things to be
separate sometimes, Suz-o.
No. There is a difference between
separate and secret.
She's not your imaginary friend.
Please, Suz, I need this. So she's
not allowed to exist in your world
but you want to be king of hers?
No, I don't think.
This is just like
this is where I feel safe, that's
BREATHES SHAKILY
Come here.
All right, Josh,
you're all right.
Look, I need you girls.
I kind of think that you girls
need me as well, to be hon
Sorry. Fuck! Er, women.
Please can you just
accept my apology?
I think we need a bit of space.
Right.
Well, I'll just take that stuff
to the chazza
No, no, you leave that there.
Yeah.
Can you please not tell her?
Pooch?
Pooch, where you going? Don't leave.
Erm
It's just, er, Nana. She's not
She's not very well, so
Oh, my God! Is it bad?
No, no, it's fine.
I just need to go
and give her some TLC.
OK.
We'll be all right.
I'll, erm, catch you on the flip,
yeah? Gorgie girl.
Oi!
Oi yourself, Havvers.
What you up to?
When you cough, do cobwebs come out?
COUGHS
Proper freak, you.
Why you dressed like that?
This is how grown-ups dress, Callum.
I am actually a grown-up, you know.
Are you? And you shouldn't speak
to me the way you speak to me.
I'm your elder. Yeah, you do need to
start moisturising.
Like that!
Come on, respect!
I'm old enough to be your mother.
Where's your one mate?
Where's YOUR one mate?
At school.
Why are you never at school?
Why are you never at work?
Cos I had a breakdown.
Six months ago.
Got fired.
My mum's pretending it's a hiatus
but I'm pretty sure I got fired.
What did you actually do, though?
Acted weird, scare people.
You can get fired for that?
Apparently so.
I got kicked out of my school.
Oh. What did you do?
I don't know, I was just pissed off.
They can expel you for that?
Well, they can if you kick
all the urinals off the wall.
Did anyone ask
why you were kicking them?
Yeah, I just told them that
I was pissed off.
Did anyone ask why you were
pissed off? Not really, no.
Did anyone ask why
you were being so weird?
Not really, no. So why were you?
I don't know.
I justmalfunctioned.
You lost the plot.
Yeah, exactly.
You?
Don't know. Come on.
You've got an answer for everything.
I don't know.
Do you know what you need?
What?
You need some avenues of expression.
What are you going on about?
Like you with your paper mache?
No, thanks.
Come on. You're so good with words.
Like, you obviously read a lot.
No, I don't.
Fine. But you were obviously
trying to express yourself
when you had a scrap with a toilet.
So what I'm suggesting is,
next time you get pissed off, maybe
you try something else, like
you write it down.
Urinals. Urinals, sorry.
Would you read it though?
If Iif I wrote it down?
Would I read it?
Callum, that would be my honour.
CALLUM LAUGHS
Oh! Jog on, mate.
I was only having a laugh.
Not taking any advice
from a basket case.
This is a good idea, you know.
Thank you, Isobel.
Speak her language and that.
Loser language.
Unique language, Isobel.
It's not smothering, is it?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, we make a good team, me and you.
You want to think about
sacking off them dogs,
start a party planning biz.
I had a taste of it
at the assassin's house.
Thought that went shit. Yeah,
only cos they were ungrateful.
You nous, me skill.
One thing at a time, I reckon.
Well, mull it over.
You know, you can't be covered
in dog hair your whole life.
Well, you can, course you can.
Sorry, I'm just a bit excited!
Oi!
Mopey drawers. Get up.
Mum says this isn't smothering.
You look incredible.
IZZIE LAUGHS
Come on.
Iz, your hands smell of dog.
So, I'm not smothering.
But me and Iz are having
a girls' night in.
So you're welcome to join
or you're welcome to not join.
Join what?
Oh, my God!
Wow!
AMERICAN ACCENT: I mean, ladies,
you all look beautiful,
but personally,
it's a Fritz Bernaise.
BOTH: It's a Fritz Bernaise!
Pumpkin seed?
OK.
You know what
I never got about this film?
The policeman, Mum, yeah.
The bloody Irish policeman.
It'sit's unnecessary.
Yeah, the love story's
a friendship. Yeah!
And she doesn't have to bake
if she doesn't want to bake.
Why's he so obsessed
with her baking?
Yeah, piss off, carrot man.
I reckon if they made that now
they wouldn't have to put that in.
Like feminism and that. Mm!
You're right, Isobel.
You're right, Iz.
Ooh, let's pop another.
DOORBELL RINGS
Izzie! This is the good room.
Oh, it's fine, Evie.
Oi! Ooh, look who it is!
I hope you like the surprise.
Hello, gorgeous girlies!
Aww! Is this the surprise?
Who is it?
No, it's not the surprise,
it's Steph.
Steph, you should probably
take your shoes off
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Isobel.
Right. Oh, yeah.
No, you take them off, Steph.
Right, I'll go and Sorry.
THEY MOUTH "STEPH"
What the bloody hell's that?
Aw, thanks for coming, Steph.
Sorry about me wobble.
But it was hot and loud.
Yeah, it was hot and loud.
Yeah, you know.
I tell you what, you were
right about the glasses, Suz.
It is a much better experience.
Aw, I'm glad we didn't sweep
that under the rug.
You fucking love to sweep stuff
under the rug, Mum.
Oh, my God, there is so much under
that rug, I'm scared to look.
Girls! Steph doesn't want to look
under our rug. Oh, no, I love it.
OK.
Mum, my job's not really
waiting for me, is it?
You what?
You said my job was waiting for me
whenever I'm ready,
but it's not true, is it?
Well, I I'm sure we can
No, they haven't budged
on their stance just yet.
Mm-hm. And my flat?
He wants to evict you, Eves,
but he's scared you're going to
kill yourself and then haunt him.
Isobel! What the hell?!
Oh, my God!
So cocky to think if I was going to
haunt anyone,
it would be my sweaty landlord.
Who would you haunt?
Er Girls, can we not?
I don't want to talk about
who my daughters'd haunt.
Steph?
Well, I don't really have any
unfinished beef with anyone,
I'm happy to say.
Mum, who would you haunt?
Your dad.
OK, then. No job, no flat.
You know what they say
about rock bottom.
The only way is up.
Spot on. The only way is up.
Glorious rock bottom.
Glorious rock bottom!
Why are you so fine
about it, though?
Ooh, don't do that.
I shrug, you care.
Care, Evie!
Don't have any left.
It's quite nice, actually.
DOORBELL RINGS
That better not be him.
Josh?
Mum, is there something under
the rug you're not telling me?
We're done with the rug.
We are done with the rug.
Josh finally making
an honest woman out of you?
I've always been honest, mate.
Unlike some people.
What's that supposed to mean?
Is this an olive branch?
Yeah, except my olive branch went
flying across the garden last week.
I lost it.
Evie What did it say?
It was my new address.
Was it?
Let the record state,
it was just my new address.
God, I hope
it was more than just admin.
It was just admin.
Stop that, it's uncouth.
I hate you.
I could snap that thing.
Go on, do it.
WOMEN LAUGH
NOA: Oh, yes, please.
Is that a man's voice?
Oh, fucking hell!
I was enjoying not having
a man here.
Cos we can really be ourselves,
can't we?
He's not a bloke,
he's her weird mate.
You what? The unknowable prince?
Unknowable what?
Prince.
OK. Er Hi, everyone.
It's Bridesmaids, so tonight
might not be your night, Noa.
You're probably not a fan.
What's he doing? What are you doing?
AMERICAN ACCENT: I feel excited
and I'm relaxed
and I feel ready to partyyyy
..with the best of them!
And I'm going to go down
to the river
OK. Get your shoes off then, mister.
Go on. Get him a glass, then, Evie.
A thin one.
We only do thin here, Steph.
Right, Noa.
Help yourself to
the choccy fountain.
Thanks for inviting me.
Huh! Smotherer!
So you're moving round the corner
from your parents? That's nice.
Bet you miss your mama.
We're not that close.
What do you mean?
Just different ways of being, Mum.
Oh, yeah, course, course.
We didn't used to be. We bloody did!
Er, we were always arguing.
Oh, we never argued. We
I wish we could.
Your mum is really cute though, Noa.
And she loves you.
Yeah, she's just never said
those words to me.
Yeah, but she does.
She's never said I love you?!
Just different ways of being, Mum.
Yeah, course. Course.
I mean, she can't be worse than
that fucking Lydia.
Mum! Who's Lydia?
Steph!
No, come on, we might as well.
Evie, I met Josh's mum
at that party.
Mum, whatever it is that happened,
just put the rug down.
No, you're right, Isobel.
You're right.
No, come on. I can handle it.
Let's whip it back up.
You know what they say
about rock bottom.
BOTH: The only way is up.
Babes Mm-hm?
They didn't know who you were.
Who we were.
What?
They didn't know you existed.
Like, he kept you,
and all of this, a secret.
What, so Josh's family
didn't know he had a girlfriend?
No! Free bed, free board,
and free love.
I'm sorry, Eves,
that's really fucked up.
STEPH: He sounds like a bellend.
NOA: Sorry, Eves.
It's fine. He's not.
Did he have good reasons?
He had excuses.
Right! Game time.
Yeah, game time!
Game time!
NOA: What was the engagement gift
Helen gave to Lilian?
ALL CHATTING
Just taking a break.
Fair.
Sorry. When I invited you, I didn't
realise it was going to be so
..full-on.
I like it.
You actually do, don't you?
Where the fuck is everyone?
I thought we were watching a film.
You coming?
What you doing that for?
I think I'm drunk.
God, you're as cheesy as she is.
I'm cheesier.
Come on, then.
Happened to me, you know.
Always had my shit together.
Got married when I was 25,
moved to London,
had a very high up job.
Can't say what.
Fucking hell
And then, when I was 30,
I just
..wobbled.
Quit everything - my marriage, work.
But in the long run, it was
the best thing that I ever did.
AMERICAN ACCENT:
Get your shit together, Carol!
STEPH LAUGHS DRILY
It's from the Yeah, the film.
It's what I do when I can't
Yeah, I noticed that. Mm.
What was your job, Steph?
I really can't say, Evie.
Hurry up, you lot!
Whoopsy!
I love popcorn.
I absolutely love it.
MUSIC PLAYS ON FILM:
Hold On by Wilson Phillips
The ending should be the look.
The ending should be the look!
Yeah, between the girlies!
Not what's-his-chops coming on
hisin his car.
I mean, it's the look that says
a thousand words, isn't it?
Gets me emotional.
Yeah, says you're my best friend.
BOTH: And I always will be.
No matter what. Yeah,
cos Helen says, doesn't she?
"Lillian, I feel like we can
communicate with just a look,"
but really Yeah, but really it's
Lillian and Annie, they can do that.
But we love Helen though. We love
Helen! Yeah, but Annie and Lillian,
they're the
They're the soulmates.
They are the soulmates, yeah.
Oh, girls, stop it!
I'm going to sob.
So, guys, is this what you've been
doing in the garage, all that time?
Yes.
Oh, right.
So, not a sex cult.
Since when did it become sex?
Well, I'm tired,
I'm going to hit the hay.
No! I'm not ready for bed.
Don't be so selfish, Isobel.
Don't dart your eyes at
Yeah, do you want to go to
our place, then, Steph?
Our place, Suz?
You fucking hated it.
Come on. Right, yeah, OK.
All the best, lovely to meet you.
OTHERS GIGGLE AS THEY LEAVE
Chuck us me coat, Steph.
And off we pop!
There we go! Ladies first.
Oh, ta.
Come on.
Phew.
Phew.
Thanks for coming.
Thank you for having me.
Formal.
Nervous.
Can we not do
a big dramatic goodbye, please?
Why not?
Cos it's easier.
OK.
See ya.
See ya.
Eves
MUSIC: Hold On
by Wilson Phillips
STEPH AND SUZ: # I know this pain
# Why do you lock yourself up
in these chains
# Chains, chains, chains
# No-one can change your life
except for you
# Don't ever let anyone
step all over you
# Just open your heart
and your mind
# Is it really fair to feel
# This way inside? #
Here we go!
# Someday, somebody's #
KNOCKING
Why are you knocking?
# Until then baby are you gonna let
'em hold you down and make you cry?
# Don't you know, don't you know
Things can change
# Things'll go your way
# If you hold on
for one more day #
Love you, Iz.
Same.
# Hold on for one more day! #
Oh, Suz!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Go on, give it up for Suz!
Yes, Suz! Thank you very much.
THEY LAUGH
You're such a husk!
STEPH SNORT-LAUGHS
Stop snorting!
Oh, I love that husk.
I didn't expect you to have a husk.
I think it was cos I was trying to
reach for those high notes!
Steph, this isn't even my coat.
It is Josh's coat!
Josh's coat?
I'm going to do a wee.
Oh, my God. Oh, bloody hell.
I need to go home.
Can we do something tomorrow?
Oh, I'd fucking love that.
Who's Tin Man?
# Someday somebody's
Gonna make you wanna
# Turn around and say goodbye
# Until then, baby
# Are you gonna let them
Hold you down and make you cry?
# Don't you know? Don't you know
Things can change?
# Things'll go your way
# If you hold on for one more day
# Can you hold on for one more day?
# Things'll go your way
# Oh, things'll go your way
# Hold on for one more day. #
strong language
STONE CLATTERS ON WINDOW
STONE CLATTERS
SIGHS
KNOCKS ON DOOR
Not smothering!
She was intolerable.
Sensible, straight As, dead nice.
First one of us to go to uni.
Fancy career.
Couldn't believe it
when she moved back home.
I still don't fully get why
a grown-arsed woman
wants to wear wigs
in a garage, but
She just needs patience, I reckon.
Understanding.
How do I do that?
Maybe it's just space?
Giving her the permission to feel
the things that she's feeling.
I just feel like
she's going backwards.
A wobble isn't a fall.
While she's wobbling, she just
needs the right people round her.
People who care.
OK.
It's pissing me off now!
Scared us half to death acting like
One Flew Over The Cuckoo Tree
and then locking herself
in the garage for a week,
like Joan ArcJane of
bloody Fonda.
BANGING
Jesus Christ!
When did she sneak back in?
Mum, I'm just going to go
and speak with her. No, Isobel
No, don't, cos she thinks
we can't mind our own business.
Isobel!
Why are you doing that?
Mum's been reading about you lot.
You lot?
She's been researching brain foods.
Foods that heal the brain.
Right.
What are they? Pumpkin seeds.
OK.
She's had a lot of revelations
while you've been away.
I've been in the garage.
At one point, she thought
you needed an exorcism.
Next day she was listening to
seven hours of
Brene Brown's Daring Greatly.
What have you been watching
in there?
Well, I started with Dog
Oh, I don't actually care.
You slammed a door.
Yep.
You've never slammed a door.
Sorry. No, I liked it.
Maybe just feel it, Eves.
Feel what?
Whatever it is you keep
pegging it away from, I don't know.
I'm not smothering
I'mI'm just wondering
why you're not setting up.
Cos it's Noa's last week, isn't it?
His last film club tonight?
It's done, Mum.
It's not done, Evie.
No, it is.
You're right, I need to grow up.
Where did your little head go
in there?
Well, what did you watch?
All your faves?
Fucking hell! Whoa, sorry!
What are you doing here?
I'm sorry, Suz, sorry. Yeah, I'm
Well, I'm helping little one
with all her shite.
Her shite?
Not shite, stuff.
Mm-hm
So, how me girls doing? Women.
What? We're not girls,
are we, Josh? We're women.
Yeah, but you're my girls,
aren't ya?
Mum, can you give us five mins?
Mm-hm.
Oh, there's a treat for you
on the kitchen counter, Suz-o.
Mm-hm.
Just going to grab them
there B-bags, yeah.
Don't believe a word
that comes out of his mouth.
What? Don't believe a fucking word
that comes out of his mouth.
The smiling assassin.
I was dead worried, babe.
All I did was lock myself
in the garage for a week.
I thought that I'd done
something wrong.
No!
No, you haven't done anything wrong.
OK. It's me.
I need to get a grip.
What do you mean?
Mum had a ten-year-old and a
seven-year-old when she was my age.
I'm pathetic.
You
I wasn't always like this, you know.
I was helpful, I was useful.
You are perfect.
Exactly how you are.
Why are you so patient?
Because I get it. I get you.
But I'm not functioning.
I can function for the both of us.
I'd quite like to function.
I've got function for two.
I know you do.
I just think I
I want to know what I want,
and things like that.
Cos I used to know.
OK.
But I kind of know
what you want for you,
cos I'm like the Evie whisperer.
What do I want?
Er You want a snug?
Thanks.
Are you taking this
..object?
Er, no.
Yes.
GRUFF VOICE: OK, Noa!
Hey, listen, I didn't know what was
happening with Film Club tonight.
I wasn't sure it would be on.
So, um
..I have swapped shifts
with someone,
and I did book us in for a
..a last supper, of sorts.
OK, um OK.
Thanks. That's great.
Oh, put some fucking sleeves on,
Judas.
Hey, babe. You're under arrest
..for being too damn sexy.
Ugh!
Babe? Where are you?
Dogs.
I've got a plan.
I'll bung you 20 quid, you nip
down the party shop in the village,
get all the gubbins you can.
Cos we are doing Film Club.
What? I love you.
Izzie.
All right? Thank God you're here.
Come in. Noa's upstairs.
Hiya.
What's that?
Lasagne ingredios.
Yeah, I thought that
I could rustle it up for us tonight.
Suz?
Yes, Josh?
You do like lasagne, don't you?
Yeah. I like lasagne.
You bloody lied!
No, I didn't lie.
Well, what do you call it, then?
Protecting.
Yeah, I do
I do call it protecting, yeah.
She didn't know who the fuck I was.
And the way you spoke to that girl!
I did tell you not to come.
Look, I don't want this
contaminated. "This?" Us.
My mum would just judge her.
Or is it you that's judging her?
I feel like I've finally found
this thing that I'm good at
and I don't want her,
like, shitting on it.
So you just keep her hidden away
for the rest of your life?
It's OK for things to be
separate sometimes, Suz-o.
No. There is a difference between
separate and secret.
She's not your imaginary friend.
Please, Suz, I need this. So she's
not allowed to exist in your world
but you want to be king of hers?
No, I don't think.
This is just like
this is where I feel safe, that's
BREATHES SHAKILY
Come here.
All right, Josh,
you're all right.
Look, I need you girls.
I kind of think that you girls
need me as well, to be hon
Sorry. Fuck! Er, women.
Please can you just
accept my apology?
I think we need a bit of space.
Right.
Well, I'll just take that stuff
to the chazza
No, no, you leave that there.
Yeah.
Can you please not tell her?
Pooch?
Pooch, where you going? Don't leave.
Erm
It's just, er, Nana. She's not
She's not very well, so
Oh, my God! Is it bad?
No, no, it's fine.
I just need to go
and give her some TLC.
OK.
We'll be all right.
I'll, erm, catch you on the flip,
yeah? Gorgie girl.
Oi!
Oi yourself, Havvers.
What you up to?
When you cough, do cobwebs come out?
COUGHS
Proper freak, you.
Why you dressed like that?
This is how grown-ups dress, Callum.
I am actually a grown-up, you know.
Are you? And you shouldn't speak
to me the way you speak to me.
I'm your elder. Yeah, you do need to
start moisturising.
Like that!
Come on, respect!
I'm old enough to be your mother.
Where's your one mate?
Where's YOUR one mate?
At school.
Why are you never at school?
Why are you never at work?
Cos I had a breakdown.
Six months ago.
Got fired.
My mum's pretending it's a hiatus
but I'm pretty sure I got fired.
What did you actually do, though?
Acted weird, scare people.
You can get fired for that?
Apparently so.
I got kicked out of my school.
Oh. What did you do?
I don't know, I was just pissed off.
They can expel you for that?
Well, they can if you kick
all the urinals off the wall.
Did anyone ask
why you were kicking them?
Yeah, I just told them that
I was pissed off.
Did anyone ask why you were
pissed off? Not really, no.
Did anyone ask why
you were being so weird?
Not really, no. So why were you?
I don't know.
I justmalfunctioned.
You lost the plot.
Yeah, exactly.
You?
Don't know. Come on.
You've got an answer for everything.
I don't know.
Do you know what you need?
What?
You need some avenues of expression.
What are you going on about?
Like you with your paper mache?
No, thanks.
Come on. You're so good with words.
Like, you obviously read a lot.
No, I don't.
Fine. But you were obviously
trying to express yourself
when you had a scrap with a toilet.
So what I'm suggesting is,
next time you get pissed off, maybe
you try something else, like
you write it down.
Urinals. Urinals, sorry.
Would you read it though?
If Iif I wrote it down?
Would I read it?
Callum, that would be my honour.
CALLUM LAUGHS
Oh! Jog on, mate.
I was only having a laugh.
Not taking any advice
from a basket case.
This is a good idea, you know.
Thank you, Isobel.
Speak her language and that.
Loser language.
Unique language, Isobel.
It's not smothering, is it?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, we make a good team, me and you.
You want to think about
sacking off them dogs,
start a party planning biz.
I had a taste of it
at the assassin's house.
Thought that went shit. Yeah,
only cos they were ungrateful.
You nous, me skill.
One thing at a time, I reckon.
Well, mull it over.
You know, you can't be covered
in dog hair your whole life.
Well, you can, course you can.
Sorry, I'm just a bit excited!
Oi!
Mopey drawers. Get up.
Mum says this isn't smothering.
You look incredible.
IZZIE LAUGHS
Come on.
Iz, your hands smell of dog.
So, I'm not smothering.
But me and Iz are having
a girls' night in.
So you're welcome to join
or you're welcome to not join.
Join what?
Oh, my God!
Wow!
AMERICAN ACCENT: I mean, ladies,
you all look beautiful,
but personally,
it's a Fritz Bernaise.
BOTH: It's a Fritz Bernaise!
Pumpkin seed?
OK.
You know what
I never got about this film?
The policeman, Mum, yeah.
The bloody Irish policeman.
It'sit's unnecessary.
Yeah, the love story's
a friendship. Yeah!
And she doesn't have to bake
if she doesn't want to bake.
Why's he so obsessed
with her baking?
Yeah, piss off, carrot man.
I reckon if they made that now
they wouldn't have to put that in.
Like feminism and that. Mm!
You're right, Isobel.
You're right, Iz.
Ooh, let's pop another.
DOORBELL RINGS
Izzie! This is the good room.
Oh, it's fine, Evie.
Oi! Ooh, look who it is!
I hope you like the surprise.
Hello, gorgeous girlies!
Aww! Is this the surprise?
Who is it?
No, it's not the surprise,
it's Steph.
Steph, you should probably
take your shoes off
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Isobel.
Right. Oh, yeah.
No, you take them off, Steph.
Right, I'll go and Sorry.
THEY MOUTH "STEPH"
What the bloody hell's that?
Aw, thanks for coming, Steph.
Sorry about me wobble.
But it was hot and loud.
Yeah, it was hot and loud.
Yeah, you know.
I tell you what, you were
right about the glasses, Suz.
It is a much better experience.
Aw, I'm glad we didn't sweep
that under the rug.
You fucking love to sweep stuff
under the rug, Mum.
Oh, my God, there is so much under
that rug, I'm scared to look.
Girls! Steph doesn't want to look
under our rug. Oh, no, I love it.
OK.
Mum, my job's not really
waiting for me, is it?
You what?
You said my job was waiting for me
whenever I'm ready,
but it's not true, is it?
Well, I I'm sure we can
No, they haven't budged
on their stance just yet.
Mm-hm. And my flat?
He wants to evict you, Eves,
but he's scared you're going to
kill yourself and then haunt him.
Isobel! What the hell?!
Oh, my God!
So cocky to think if I was going to
haunt anyone,
it would be my sweaty landlord.
Who would you haunt?
Er Girls, can we not?
I don't want to talk about
who my daughters'd haunt.
Steph?
Well, I don't really have any
unfinished beef with anyone,
I'm happy to say.
Mum, who would you haunt?
Your dad.
OK, then. No job, no flat.
You know what they say
about rock bottom.
The only way is up.
Spot on. The only way is up.
Glorious rock bottom.
Glorious rock bottom!
Why are you so fine
about it, though?
Ooh, don't do that.
I shrug, you care.
Care, Evie!
Don't have any left.
It's quite nice, actually.
DOORBELL RINGS
That better not be him.
Josh?
Mum, is there something under
the rug you're not telling me?
We're done with the rug.
We are done with the rug.
Josh finally making
an honest woman out of you?
I've always been honest, mate.
Unlike some people.
What's that supposed to mean?
Is this an olive branch?
Yeah, except my olive branch went
flying across the garden last week.
I lost it.
Evie What did it say?
It was my new address.
Was it?
Let the record state,
it was just my new address.
God, I hope
it was more than just admin.
It was just admin.
Stop that, it's uncouth.
I hate you.
I could snap that thing.
Go on, do it.
WOMEN LAUGH
NOA: Oh, yes, please.
Is that a man's voice?
Oh, fucking hell!
I was enjoying not having
a man here.
Cos we can really be ourselves,
can't we?
He's not a bloke,
he's her weird mate.
You what? The unknowable prince?
Unknowable what?
Prince.
OK. Er Hi, everyone.
It's Bridesmaids, so tonight
might not be your night, Noa.
You're probably not a fan.
What's he doing? What are you doing?
AMERICAN ACCENT: I feel excited
and I'm relaxed
and I feel ready to partyyyy
..with the best of them!
And I'm going to go down
to the river
OK. Get your shoes off then, mister.
Go on. Get him a glass, then, Evie.
A thin one.
We only do thin here, Steph.
Right, Noa.
Help yourself to
the choccy fountain.
Thanks for inviting me.
Huh! Smotherer!
So you're moving round the corner
from your parents? That's nice.
Bet you miss your mama.
We're not that close.
What do you mean?
Just different ways of being, Mum.
Oh, yeah, course, course.
We didn't used to be. We bloody did!
Er, we were always arguing.
Oh, we never argued. We
I wish we could.
Your mum is really cute though, Noa.
And she loves you.
Yeah, she's just never said
those words to me.
Yeah, but she does.
She's never said I love you?!
Just different ways of being, Mum.
Yeah, course. Course.
I mean, she can't be worse than
that fucking Lydia.
Mum! Who's Lydia?
Steph!
No, come on, we might as well.
Evie, I met Josh's mum
at that party.
Mum, whatever it is that happened,
just put the rug down.
No, you're right, Isobel.
You're right.
No, come on. I can handle it.
Let's whip it back up.
You know what they say
about rock bottom.
BOTH: The only way is up.
Babes Mm-hm?
They didn't know who you were.
Who we were.
What?
They didn't know you existed.
Like, he kept you,
and all of this, a secret.
What, so Josh's family
didn't know he had a girlfriend?
No! Free bed, free board,
and free love.
I'm sorry, Eves,
that's really fucked up.
STEPH: He sounds like a bellend.
NOA: Sorry, Eves.
It's fine. He's not.
Did he have good reasons?
He had excuses.
Right! Game time.
Yeah, game time!
Game time!
NOA: What was the engagement gift
Helen gave to Lilian?
ALL CHATTING
Just taking a break.
Fair.
Sorry. When I invited you, I didn't
realise it was going to be so
..full-on.
I like it.
You actually do, don't you?
Where the fuck is everyone?
I thought we were watching a film.
You coming?
What you doing that for?
I think I'm drunk.
God, you're as cheesy as she is.
I'm cheesier.
Come on, then.
Happened to me, you know.
Always had my shit together.
Got married when I was 25,
moved to London,
had a very high up job.
Can't say what.
Fucking hell
And then, when I was 30,
I just
..wobbled.
Quit everything - my marriage, work.
But in the long run, it was
the best thing that I ever did.
AMERICAN ACCENT:
Get your shit together, Carol!
STEPH LAUGHS DRILY
It's from the Yeah, the film.
It's what I do when I can't
Yeah, I noticed that. Mm.
What was your job, Steph?
I really can't say, Evie.
Hurry up, you lot!
Whoopsy!
I love popcorn.
I absolutely love it.
MUSIC PLAYS ON FILM:
Hold On by Wilson Phillips
The ending should be the look.
The ending should be the look!
Yeah, between the girlies!
Not what's-his-chops coming on
hisin his car.
I mean, it's the look that says
a thousand words, isn't it?
Gets me emotional.
Yeah, says you're my best friend.
BOTH: And I always will be.
No matter what. Yeah,
cos Helen says, doesn't she?
"Lillian, I feel like we can
communicate with just a look,"
but really Yeah, but really it's
Lillian and Annie, they can do that.
But we love Helen though. We love
Helen! Yeah, but Annie and Lillian,
they're the
They're the soulmates.
They are the soulmates, yeah.
Oh, girls, stop it!
I'm going to sob.
So, guys, is this what you've been
doing in the garage, all that time?
Yes.
Oh, right.
So, not a sex cult.
Since when did it become sex?
Well, I'm tired,
I'm going to hit the hay.
No! I'm not ready for bed.
Don't be so selfish, Isobel.
Don't dart your eyes at
Yeah, do you want to go to
our place, then, Steph?
Our place, Suz?
You fucking hated it.
Come on. Right, yeah, OK.
All the best, lovely to meet you.
OTHERS GIGGLE AS THEY LEAVE
Chuck us me coat, Steph.
And off we pop!
There we go! Ladies first.
Oh, ta.
Come on.
Phew.
Phew.
Thanks for coming.
Thank you for having me.
Formal.
Nervous.
Can we not do
a big dramatic goodbye, please?
Why not?
Cos it's easier.
OK.
See ya.
See ya.
Eves
MUSIC: Hold On
by Wilson Phillips
STEPH AND SUZ: # I know this pain
# Why do you lock yourself up
in these chains
# Chains, chains, chains
# No-one can change your life
except for you
# Don't ever let anyone
step all over you
# Just open your heart
and your mind
# Is it really fair to feel
# This way inside? #
Here we go!
# Someday, somebody's #
KNOCKING
Why are you knocking?
# Until then baby are you gonna let
'em hold you down and make you cry?
# Don't you know, don't you know
Things can change
# Things'll go your way
# If you hold on
for one more day #
Love you, Iz.
Same.
# Hold on for one more day! #
Oh, Suz!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Go on, give it up for Suz!
Yes, Suz! Thank you very much.
THEY LAUGH
You're such a husk!
STEPH SNORT-LAUGHS
Stop snorting!
Oh, I love that husk.
I didn't expect you to have a husk.
I think it was cos I was trying to
reach for those high notes!
Steph, this isn't even my coat.
It is Josh's coat!
Josh's coat?
I'm going to do a wee.
Oh, my God. Oh, bloody hell.
I need to go home.
Can we do something tomorrow?
Oh, I'd fucking love that.
Who's Tin Man?
# Someday somebody's
Gonna make you wanna
# Turn around and say goodbye
# Until then, baby
# Are you gonna let them
Hold you down and make you cry?
# Don't you know? Don't you know
Things can change?
# Things'll go your way
# If you hold on for one more day
# Can you hold on for one more day?
# Things'll go your way
# Oh, things'll go your way
# Hold on for one more day. #