Franklin and Bash (2011) s01e05 Episode Script
You Can't Take It with You
Okay.
Fourth and final roll.
Closest to the library door without hitting it.
Franklin and Bash are a way.
Franklin and Bash is a way.
We're a team.
Oh yeah, well, they didn't do it like that at my country club.
Go.
Go! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Oh! Sweep! Oh.
Ah, Stanton.
Hi.
-Sorry.
-Uh, you know what? We were just, um Don't bother.
Duncan Morrow.
His daughter, Eileen.
It's a pleasure.
Peter Bash.
Sports-memorabilia people? Ah, we've been expecting you.
Did you know, by the way, that the best sports literature works in direct relation to the size of the ball? For instance, the smaller the ball, the better the book.
"Golf in the Kingdom.
" -Did not know that.
-News to me.
Well, now you do.
Seriously, he needs an MRI.
Yeah, I know.
Our office.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Leather is the perfect medium.
They say fingerprints can last up to 50 years on a baseball.
"Ron Hassey, Dennis Eckersley Doug Harvey.
" From 1988.
Wait a minute.
This can't be This was never found.
Because I had it.
Okay, if you're telling me that's the Kirk Gibson home-run ball, I'm gonna have to lock that door.
It's Kirk Gibson's home-run ball.
-No way.
-Yeah.
No way! -I was at that game! -Oh, yeah? Yeah! Greatest home run ever.
-Okay.
-I-it landed five rows behind me and ended up at my feet.
You never showed it to anybody? Well, I kind of liked the legend of the missing ball.
I had it authenticated for my father's 65th birthday.
Wasn't that sweet of her? Oh, no.
It turned out to be a huge mistake.
My brothers were at the game with him.
And now they're saying they caught the ball.
They're suing me for the ball.
They want to sell it.
-What? -Yeah.
Why? Well, it's got to be worth A fool knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
That's beautiful.
Mr.
Morrow, we're gonna get this ball the respect it deserves.
Ooh, what a mixture such a vivid picture ooh, what a mixture if I must say so myself So, Colin, is there ever a bad time to buy a house? Um When my brother's the agent.
-He couldn't close a suitcase.
-I closed Ann Rushing.
Yeah, to get back at me after I dumped her.
You were better off with Shelley.
Shelley? What do you guys want? Well, we know that you've begun court proceedings with your attorney here for the ball, but your, uh, father and sister suggested that we have a casual chat, maybe see if we can sort this out.
Listening.
Go.
Well, the law became quite clear during the fight for Barry Bonds' ball -- and, hey, I realize saying Bonds' name in the same sentence as Kirk Gibson -- sacrilege, uncool.
Barry Bonds? Giant.
Arch rival.
Okay, um, a ball hit out of the field of play is "owned" by the first person who picks it up.
Exactly.
Possession is 9/10 of the law.
But we possess the ball.
It's our ball.
We picked it up.
"We"? Together? -Yeah.
-Yeah.
Colin helped me Pick it up.
You're actually gonna let your -- You know what? I wish we could have come to an agreement.
I really do.
But, uh, I guess we'll just see what happens in court.
All right? Okay.
Thanks for your time.
Thought that went well.
What the hell was that all about? Dude, their lawyer's incompetent.
-Clearly.
-Yeah.
So I was hoping just for a settlement, but with this guy representing them, I think we could win possession of the ball.
It's like I'm facing batting-practice pitching here.
-Gone! -See, I hate -when you get like this.
-Like what? -All cocky.
-I'm always cocky.
It's an irritating asset.
Works well for me.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
Buffalo.
Peter, don't.
Come on, that's like reminding a batter about a pitcher who once plunked him.
-You don't do that.
-Oh, you are very liberal with the baseball analogies today.
It's a case about a baseball! You know I like my metaphors to reflect the case I'm working on.
-You don't.
-I do now.
-Buffalo, New York.
-Seriously, shut up.
Your junior high could have won -the academic decathlon.
-No! You could have been a hero, except you skipped a review session and said that Buffalo -was the state capital -I'm not listening.
-of New York.
-Used to be! Or to use one of your analogies, you took a fast ball right down the middle for strike three.
No! I did not.
-Listen to me.
-You listen -- Never underestimate anybody, all right? Nothing's ever easy.
-You listening? -No.
-You listening now? -Yes.
-Is this considered sexting? -Gentlemen I have a client that I'd prefer not to be alone with.
-Not safe? -Yeah, for him.
You know a Ronny Streppi? The douchey dad! Yeah.
In there.
Yeah, so, I signed this waiver so this reality show could film my life.
I must have been out of my mind.
Well, at least they put you in a sweet pad.
You've seen it? 'Cause the only thing I can see that they want to show is my gut.
You know, I think they're all about making me look like a tool.
How did they make you look like a drunk? Lighting your chest hair on fire in front of your kids? Yeah.
Yeah, that got out of control.
I'm not used to them Belgian beers.
Tell me about it.
It's like 20-proof.
Made by monks, but monks who like to party.
Right! Right! Well, here's the deal.
Half of America knows me now as "The Douchey Dad," including my kids, and they're embarrassed, and they want to avoid me.
So you guys got to get me out of this contract.
And one of you two is joining my team.
Well, I would love to, but I'm defending -Kirk Gibson's base-- -Bash, welcome aboard.
I'll have all the files sent to your office.
Okay? Thanks.
Bye.
Wish I could, but You know why she asked you, right? 'Cause she's done with you and tossing you like a dead battery? Yeah, that sounds about right.
Guys? I'm a real, live human being.
No, I mean I can hear what you're saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if it's client-attorney privilege or whatever that is.
Good times.
Gentlemen, a word? Blow us.
We're busy saving Kirk Gibson's ball.
That's more than a word.
Yeah, but I like him.
He gets extra.
Guys, seriously.
Something someone sent me is now on the Infeld/Daniels server.
Porn? It's complicated.
It's complicated porn? Oh, maybe we underestimated you.
Why don't you let us take a look at it? Look, I want to be a judge someday.
-No.
-Yeah, you do.
And I don't want this to be a vetting issue.
I need it off.
-Dude, talk to I.
T.
-I did.
Do you think that you two would be my first choice? But if I use them, there's this whole process, and I need this to be outsourced.
Wow.
Must be bad.
A crazy fraternity brother.
We know one guy who might be able to help.
Your honor, I'm not sure if you read our motion for summary judgment.
We're actually pretty proud of it.
Yeah.
I don't know if you've noticed -- opposing counsel has not yet arrived.
Ah! You know, I hadn't noticed that.
I was too busy being punctual and respectful of the court's time to even take a look at the tardiness of said counsel.
-But -Dude I think it was Cyndi Lauper -who said respect -- -Dude.
-Dude, I'm lawyering.
-Dude.
Gentlemen.
Y-your honor, may I have a moment? Sure.
Why not? I guess I've got all day.
I'm afraid to ask what happened to their first lawyer.
You got some blood in your teeth.
I contacted Greg and Colin and offered my services.
They accepted.
So, you went to work for a big firm, huh? Thought you weren't gonna do that.
Well, it's a good fit.
After we're done, I hope you don't regret that decision.
Summary judgment just got a little tougher.
Who is that guy? That's Leonard Franklin.
My father.
Last time I guess was, yeah, the holidays.
Yeah, he reminded me where he went to law school -with some Yale Christmas songs.
-Unbelievable.
You get a really cool case, and Leonard the impaler shows up.
Probably because I got a really cool case.
Dude, you okay with this? -If you need any help -No, I got it.
-No worries.
- Jared.
I heard you had an unplanned family reunion in court today.
Oh, yeah, everything but the potato salad.
It was fun.
I-I'm really sorry.
I wouldn't have put you on the case had I known.
Guys, I'm fine with this.
My dad's a lawyer.
I'm a lawyer.
Although he's a lawyer who literally spanked you.
-That's true.
- Peter, would you mind if I had a word with your partner in private? Sure.
Listen, Jared, there's something that I want you to know.
Stanton, I know, all right? Leonard Franklin took on the second-biggest union in the world.
Leonard Franklin re-wrote search and seizure.
Leonard Franklin was featured in "Wine Spectator" twice.
I got it.
Twice? That's absurd.
It doesn't matter.
To me, he's just the guy who wouldn't let me watch "Walker, Texas Ranger" because it made "A mockery of the law.
" Are you good to go with this? Absolutely.
Hell, it might even satisfy a family-holiday obligation.
All right.
Good luck.
I don't need it.
You know, if my father was Leonard Franklin and I was about to go up against him, I'm just saying, I'd be working right now.
If my father was Leonard Franklin, I would be working for Leonard Franklin.
Did Jared ever get that chance? Yeah, and he turned it down.
Imagine working for your father, side-by-side.
It is a dream come true.
Uh, maybe in Pindaristan.
You really -- you should lock that door.
-Or at least close it.
-They're not here.
Yeah, I'm here for Pindar.
Oh.
Really? Yes.
I believe that Jared and Peter mentioned that I needed your help.
Oh, you're theguy.
Yes.
Because you are the expert in computer law.
Follow me, Mr.
Karp.
I think I can help you with your problem.
We're just gonna do some research.
It was very nice to see you.
Carmen.
Mm.
So, every file leaves a unique bit count on the server.
I need a copy of the file.
I need to open it.
There's no other way? Like control/alt/delete or No, there's no other way.
I was afraid of this.
This is a contract.
It will pay you $5,000 to remove the file from the server, provided you adhere to a gag order, which stipulates that if you ever discuss the contents of this file, I'll Just kill you.
What's on the file? Sign.
Sign it.
Sign it, Pindar.
Not a great sleeper.
I have insomnia.
So I did a sleep study.
They hook you up to electrodes and test your rem, sleep apnea, the whole deal.
I didn't know they were videoing me all night, too.
I wanted the study to go well, so I relaxed myself.
Oh, you sing, too? No.
I relaxed myself.
Relax.
I'm not gonna say it again.
I still don't know what -- okay, I just got it.
They sent it to me, and now it's on the Infeld/Daniels server.
I need you to get it off.
It's not a big deal, Mr.
Karp.
Occasionally when I can't relax, I also rough up the suspect Till he orgasms.
Although, I don't always tape myself.
I guess I'm afraid that if my mom finds it, what's her rea-- Find it.
Destroy it.
Tell no one.
Good night.
-High fly ball -Oh! Scully To right field! She is gone! Oh, I still get goose bumps! And I wish I could grow a 'stache like that.
I got to be honest.
Oh! Now, see, the video doesn't show who actually caught the ball.
It almost shows the awesomeness of that moment -- almost.
You love this ball, don't you, Greg? -Yes, I do.
-Yes, you do.
'Cause when Kirk Gibson rocked this out of the park on that day, this became more than a ball.
It became the beating heart of a people.
-Didn't it? -Absolutely.
I mean, look at their faces.
Look at their faces.
-They are moved! -Objection.
-Counsel is testifying.
-Sustained.
They are moved because those fans -- and I include myself and my client in this group -- believe that baseball is more than America's game.
It is our nation's unifying religion, and this ball, this ball It's our holy grail.
Reverend Franklin, is there a question? I'm sorry, your honor.
Guys like Greg and I, we bleed red, white, and Dodger blue, right? -Absolutely.
-Absolutely.
By the way, did the Dodgers get to the playoffs last year? Uh -I don't know.
-You don't know? But you love America's pastime and the Dodgers and this ball.
What kind of man doesn't know whether his favorite baseball team made the playoffs last year? -Oh, that went well.
-It did.
I mean -- wait.
What just happened? Well, we just successfully subpoenaed all the reality company's footage of you.
We're gonna use it to prove they've been maliciously depicting you out of context.
-Uh -You know, bad stuff making you look bad is bad.
-It is bad.
-It is ba-- Ronny, what are you doing, man? Hey, I'm trying to get off your show, Lucian.
Yeah? How's that working out? Come on.
Show up for work.
Your kids miss you.
My kids think I'm a jerk 'cause of you.
I don't think it's thanks to me.
-Really?! Really?! -Come on.
Come on, big fella.
Come on.
Driving home from the stadium, who maintained control of the ball? I did.
I put it in my pocket.
They were fighting over it, like usual.
Do you remember what you said when you took it? Yeah, something like, uh, "When you stop fighting like a couple of nitwits and grow up, I'll give you the ball back.
" My clients have that exact same recollection.
Mr.
Morrow, uh, are your sons, in fact, now grown up? Well, uh -I guess.
-No need to guess.
According to the great state of California, being a grown-up starts at the age of 18 -- -for most people.
-Objection.
Argumentative.
And lame.
-Overruled.
-So it seems that all three parties in this case recall -making a verbal contract.
-Objection! Your honor, opposing counsel knows full well verbal contracts don't really exist between fathers and sons.
Case law shows that contracts with minors are voidable only to protect the minor, and should such contract inure to the benefit of the minor, they are fully enforceable.
And I think that opposing counsel needs to brush up on Robert's Rules of courtroom decorum.
Really? Should I? Who's Robert? Okay, counselors, approach the bench, please.
Gentlemen, are we really gonna do this? Your honor, opposing counsel is implying a binding contract between a father and son, even though I happen to know he himself broke such a contract to his son when he promised him a BMX bike if he went to Latin camp when he was 9.
Relevance, your honor? None.
If you want to tell daddy that he didn't have any respect for you, you'll just have to wait until you're on your third eggnog, like the rest of the world.
This is not therapy for you to work out your issues.
This is court.
Now, you start acting like a lawyer, or you're done here.
Understood? Yes.
Proceed, please.
Ooh.
What's with the books, buddy? Daddy making you do your homework? I want to beat him.
He thinks I'm this legal clown.
So? Clowns can be badass.
Yeah.
Pennywise from Stephen king's seminal "It" -- terrifying.
Insane clown posse.
Krusty.
Huh? Come on, man.
We'll help you kick Leonard's ass with your big red clown shoe.
What happened today? My dad somehow turned Duncan trying to control his sons from fighting in the back of a car 20 years ago into a legal contract.
You couldn't kneecap that argument? I may have gotten a little emotional.
Come on.
We all know family can make people crazy.
Hey, guys, this is the raw footage of Ronny that we subpoenaed from the reality show.
Okay.
Is this it? Well, there's 1,300 hours.
They video-papered us.
-Oh.
-Go through it.
Try to find scenes that make Ronny look good.
I'd love to, but I'm busy.
I'm working for Mr.
Karp.
Oh, yeah.
Big case.
Surprisingly big.
Hey, why can't you help? I will, but I want to help Jared first.
No, I'm good.
I don't need help.
They're brothers.
Find the pressure points.
Hey, you got a sec? It's about your douchey dad.
Yeah, I guess.
So, Peter wanted me to go through the reality footage and find clips of Ronny that actually make him look good.
They don't pay you enough.
Agreed.
So, should the clips show footage of kindness or competence? -Seriously? -Yeah.
I'd settle for anything where he isn't a self-involved dolt desperately milking his 15 minutes.
Okay.
Not a fan.
I prefer stars with some talent -- more than the ability to play "The star-spangled banner" with their armpit.
I get that.
But then again, I'd hate to see what people would think if a reality crew was following me around 24/7.
I'm sure they wouldn't catch you using your quasi-fame to score a free flat-screen.
I went through an awkward phase.
Not everybody can be perfect all the time.
Colin, would you call the mood of the crowd that night of game one electric? Yeah, sure.
Why not? If that's the case, then why did you ask to leave the game in the fifth inning to go home to watch "Full House"? That's not true.
I wanted to stay.
My brother wanted to leave.
-Oh, that's bullsh-- -Excuse me?! Sorry.
Well, lucky you stayed, or else you would have missed the home run.
It's your position that you both caught the ball at the exact same moment.
How did you even do that? It rolled around.
We grabbed it at the same time.
Isn't it possible that you caught the ball first, even by just a fraction of a second? Mm, well That would be a "no," dickwad.
You know what? You speak out of turn one more time, Mr.
Morrow, I'm holding you in contempt.
No.
We definitely grabbed it at the same time.
I see.
And which one of you should have grabbed Shelley? Excuse me? Shelley? Really, Eileen? He didn't grab her.
He killed Shelley.
I didn't kill Shelley! -Shelley was his turtle.
-Turtle? What could this possibly have to do with the case? Your honor, a little leeway? Agreed.
Maybe your client should not have said "dickwad" -in my courtroom.
-He is a dickwad! He let his turtle escape, and then blamed it on me.
-You ran it over! -Did not run it over! -Gentlemen -- -Really?! Turtle shells just end up cracked all on their own! It's a male turtle! He names it "Shelley"! Oh, you checked for its little turtle wienie? Order! Order! Shut up! Shut up! All right.
Calm down.
Go ahead, Mr.
Franklin.
Uh Yeah, I'm sorry, your honor.
I, uh You know, I don't like confrontation.
Sorry.
All this unpleasantness, I've lost my train of thought.
UmWould you mind reading back the verbal agreement opposing counsel made binding yesterday? "When you stop fighting like a couple of nitwits and grow up, I'll give you the ball back.
" How would you folks describe what those two were just doing? Your honor, I'd like this stricken.
My clients were manipulated.
Because they're nitwits -- fighting ones -- which I believe has bearing on our verbal contract.
I'm gonna agree.
The jury is free to consider Mr.
Morrow and Mr.
Morrow "fighting like nitwits.
" Well, of course you can have your picture taken with the ball, Jared.
That's going up on the wall, man.
Okay.
Of course, my firm may want actual payment.
Oh! Would you guys excuse me for a minute? Yeah, sure.
-I'll meet you at the corner.
-All right.
Okay.
You know, I think Duncan might be willing to give ball-visitation rights to his sons.
No, thank you.
My clients aren't interested.
Really? Yeah.
It's their ball.
See you in court tomorrow.
Hey, dad, you know what I'm gonna do tonight? I think I'm gonna cuddle with Kirk Gibson's home-run ball.
See, Mr.
Morrow said that if we won, I could take it for a while, and I think we just won.
-Hey! -Look out! Today is what my dad would call perfect baseball weather.
'Cause for him it was always perfect baseball weather.
It was always a perfect day to spend with friends and family at the ballpark.
My father liked everybody.
He was always there to listen.
I hope you don't blame yourself.
-For what? -For what happened.
I don't.
Good.
It's like a Greek tragedy.
Oedipus, Antigone -- it's all sort of inevitable.
What was inevitable? That the boys get the baseball.
I'm the executor of the estate.
It's up to the children to pick one.
The majority of the children picked me.
He left them the ball? No.
But he died intestate -- no will.
-I know what it means.
-Then you should know the ball is part of Duncan's estate, which, without a will, automatically goes to his children.
They'll have to sell it, divide the proceeds.
Listen You showed some promise in court.
Oh, a little discipline, a little less sizzle, a little more steak, -you could be a real lawyer.
-I won! He wanted us to succeed in life It was good fun, son.
We'll do it again sometime.
There's no way I'm giving you that ball.
But he never let that pursuit of success get in the way of our -Right.
-Do it again! Some road kill here.
Okay, so this makes you look good.
You dressed up as Spongebob to go trick-or-treating with your kids.
Yeah, and I painted that whole washing-machine box by myself.
Couldn't see a damn thing, though, and I walked into my neighbor's cauldron.
That's all they showed on TV.
It made me look like a drunk.
Oh, so you're saying that you weren't? That's not the point, right? It was a great episode.
Wow.
She scares me.
Don't look her in the eyes.
This was on Perez this morning.
"Ronny's mystery hottie.
" You are way out of your league on this one, buddy.
I know.
That's kind of the point, though.
Every week, they put me with a mystery hottie, and they mock me 'cause I'm not hot.
And it's okay, except my kids see this, and I need my kids to respect me, 'cause I'm like their dad.
That's been blowing up on me all year.
So you got to do something about it.
Well, you're a public figure.
I'm not misidentified.
There's not much I can do.
Wow.
Well, better tell my kids.
-Uh, in that shirt? -You're right.
Someone told me I was an autumn, and I argued.
I said, "No, no, I'm a spring.
" And now I got this on.
No.
You look good.
You look good.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I needed that.
Thank you.
Excuse me, ma'am.
You wanted to see me? We're trying to find the baseball, counselor.
Okay.
Do you know where it is? I have no idea.
-Really? -Yes, really.
Stop looking at me like I'm lying about denting your Jag.
You did lie, and it wasn't a dent.
-It was an old Jag.
-And moments before Mr.
Morrow's demise, you told me you were going to "cuddle" with the ball.
You know, I can say that and still sound cool.
We also saw you with the ball in court.
If you have it and don't release it, you will be held in contempt.
I don't have it.
This morning, Jared said to me, "No way I'm giving you that ball.
" Is that true? All right.
I think Oh, God.
If I have to look at one more video of Ronny in a mirror trying to find an ab, I seriously might kill somebody.
You can't afford the assault charge.
Where's that waiver that Ronny signed? Ah, thank you.
This is Peter Bash.
Hey, Eileen.
I'll be right there.
Uh, Jared needs my help.
We're due in court in a couple hours.
-Burn the DVD.
-I don't think making a Ronny glamour reel is gonna work.
We're gonna try something else.
I mean, I'm sure your dad's proud of you, right? Exactly.
Why wouldn't he be? You know, you're a good listener.
That's a quality you don't find in a lot of people, and you have that.
I'm sure you have other skills, but you're a good listener.
-Hey.
-Hey! I'm sorry I didn't call right away.
I wanted to hang out with some scumbags who weren't lawyers for a while.
Eileen called me and told me your dad threw you in jail.
-Second time, actually.
-That's right.
I think he's starting to like it.
Well, she's got something to tell you.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I know where the ball is.
Where? With my father.
In heaven? I buried him with it.
He always said he wanted to be buried with his wooden chest.
It held all the things he loved in it.
It had my mother's locket, their love letters, the little silver fish they got together in Mexico.
Your honor, there is only one clear course of action.
Do not say dig him up.
I would never say that.
I would say "exhume" or "disinter.
" Oh, my God.
As executor of the estate, I have a fiduciary responsibility to secure its assets.
Really? Should we "exhume" his suit? His shoes? If they had a market value of half a million dollars, I would say yes.
That ball is not safe in the ground.
I'm sorry.
Your honor, is Mr.
Franklin making a grave-robber argument? Because unless this is Transylvania -- I wish I was in Transylvania.
Your honor, in Supreme Court decision Dougherty v.
Mercantile Trust, Justice Cardozo stated, "The dead are to rest where they have been lain.
" Hmm.
That is a sound, reasonable legal argument.
Thanks.
But Dougherty goes on to say, "Unless reason of substance is brought forward for disturbing their repose.
" Dig him up.
Whoops.
I got to get to court.
Your dad's a dick.
Hey.
That's my dad you're talking about.
Hanna, we're good? DVD's in the player? -Yeah, but -- -Mr.
Bash.
Can we please light this candle? Yes, your honor.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ronny Streppi has been presented to this country as "The Douchey Dad.
" We're gonna show you a different side.
But it's still good.
12-second rule.
All right, guys, losing my drawers here.
Here you go.
Just like a good dad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There you go.
Here you go.
That dog is smarter than those kids.
His son -- that apple doesn't fall far from the moron tree.
Seriously, this family gives white trash a bad name.
The dog's like, "Hey, get me out of here.
I'd rather live with a homeless guy.
Ruff!" And her? Might as well put a tramp stamp on her right now.
How long till she twirls from a pole? Okay, wait.
Put your head back and pinch it like this.
Look, I've been in a few fights, all right? I think we can agree that, uh, Ronny became understandably agitated.
And assaulted me in court.
Hey, you're a moron, Ronny! You got something gross on your nose.
You actually do.
You getting this? But an entertaining moron who's gonna make me rich.
Our client just committed a felony in front of a judge.
I didn't go to a top-ten school, but I think that's bad.
Maybe not.
And there it is.
You found the file.
Yes.
If we make the server think it's corrupt, it will be over-written to protect the whole sector.
Awesome.
So just enter your access code, and the file will be destroyed.
And your file is That's unexpected.
What? Infeld/Daniels must have a very up-to-date I.
T.
Department.
Look, I don't know what you're talking about.
What are you talking about, Pindar? A cyclic redundancy check.
Basically, it protected the file By redundancy.
Redundancy to who? To me? To you? To the rest of the firm? Well, definitely to me and you.
But also a few circuit court judges.
This is not my fault! It's so hard to keep up with -- just 'cause I'm Indian, you -- I'm more of a Mac guy! This is what you do.
You craft an e-mail to everybody who got your masturbation video, and you say, "My computer was hacked.
"There's a virus on it.
Please don't open.
Destroy this file.
" There's one.
Why would -- that didn't fix anything.
Look at that.
The Williams family.
One, two, three generations all buried together.
There is a hell.
Don't be angry, Jared.
Seriously? You put me in jail.
I was performing my legal duty as an executor of an estate.
Keep telling yourself that.
Let me ask you -- why did you become a lawyer? Are you kidding? Look around.
This is sexy.
Always the jokes.
Aside from the opportunity for three more years of school I wanted to help people.
Not follow in the old man's footsteps? Sorry.
Still, you're a lawyer.
Yeah, but for me it's not about winning.
It's about getting the right wins.
And I guess beating the old man someday is one of those wins.
Yep.
It's amazing.
It took a damn baseball to get us to this.
It's Kirk Gibson's home-run ball, dad.
It's huge.
I should have been there to see him hit it out of the park, but we had to leave in the seventh.
Do you remember? I never tell anybody that.
Sometimes leaving a game early is what good lawyers do.
So you can sneak away from mom? Go see your girlfriend? I was 10.
I wasn't an idiot.
No.
You weren't.
- Here it is.
-Open it.
I need to make sure the ball is inside.
Chain of custody.
What is that? "To be opened in the event some bastard digs me up.
" Oh, it's for you.
Why didn't you tell us about the envelope in the box? I didn't know about it, your honor.
But that's his handwriting? It is.
All righty.
Let's see what it says.
"I, Duncan Morrow, am the sole author of this document, "which, if you are reading, means someone dug me up.
"Should any of my children have had a hand in that, "they forfeit all rights to my Kirk Gibson baseball, "which I hereby bequeath, first, "to any of my heirs who did not want to dig me up, "second to the Baseball Hall of Fame, third to the" It goes on and on, but I think we have a winner.
I'm sorry you had to spend a little time locked up.
You know, personally, I find it kind of centering.
I spoke to the judge.
You're a first-time offender.
You'll get six months' probation, Max.
Why is that good? Your network contract.
The morality clause.
"The services of any contestant charged with an assault is immediately terminated.
" Dude, you're off the show! No way! No way! Oh, my gosh! I get to see my kids.
Okay.
-Oh, is it Thursday? -It's Thursday.
'Cause I know a place that has free fish tacos for the kids, Bye.
That was a very Franklin-and-Bash move in court.
Really? I'd say it was very Hanna, but I don't name courtroom maneuvers after myself.
Then you have no future with Jared.
Jared! So I'll see you in a few months? Christmas? Um, you know, dad, actually, I'm probably gonna stay -- No, I'm talking about appeal.
All of this is predicated on the ball being a part of Duncan's estate.
But ownership of the ball is still in dispute.
You know, there are easier ways to see me.
Are there? Probably not.
You know, I think I just figured out why you're so tough on me.
Because I want you to do well? No.
'Cause I think deep down, whether you know it or not, you want me to be better than you.
Boy's got potential, Stanton.
Why we hired him.
Yeah.
Just, uh, try not to screw him up.
Well, if you couldn't do that with your bullshit, Leonard, I suspect the lad's impervious.
See you, son.
You know my father? Why didn't you tell me? Look, I was going to tell you at the courthouse the other day, and then I saw you ready to take on your father with typical Jared Franklin aplomb, and I thought, why burden you with this extraneous information? It's like when you're skiing down a glacier.
You know, you're not thinking of the crevasses.
When I was in Patagonia, for instance -- I got to tell you -- that's awesome.
But j-just tell me Did your relationship with my father have anything to do with you hiring me? No.
I hired you because you and your partner make a wonderful addition to my firm.
Oh, yeah.
Your whole team.
Real pros.
Oh, Mr.
Karp.
I got your e-mail.
Oh, just ignore that.
I got hacked.
Well, I did set my spam filter for you.
Unless, of course, you were thinking of me.
What was all that about? I think she's crazy.
Infeld didn't tell you how he knew Leonard? -Nope.
-But there's history.
Yeah.
For sure.
They definitely do not dig each other at all.
Something happened.
What? Well, you drive on the wrong side of the road, put milk in your tea, like colored money.
Say, "Well done, boys.
" Infeld boned my mom.
That's what you're going with? Well, I'm saying, you know, it was the '80s.
Your dad was fooling around.
Your mom -- she needed the attention.
I couldn't be there for her all the time.
Let me ask you this.
Would you want Infeld to be your dad instead of Leonard? Come on, man, I'm eating.
All right? We're here celebrating, okay? Let's change the station.
That was inappropriate.
I'm sorry.
-This is a good day.
-Thank you.
All right, you get to have sex with Heidi Klum.
Okay! But? But your mom has to have sex with Infeld.
Man, thanks! I got to believe he is freaky.
Become a monster Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, who said that? I call this the Peruvian swing bar.
Who said that? Who said that? ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Fourth and final roll.
Closest to the library door without hitting it.
Franklin and Bash are a way.
Franklin and Bash is a way.
We're a team.
Oh yeah, well, they didn't do it like that at my country club.
Go.
Go! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Oh! Sweep! Oh.
Ah, Stanton.
Hi.
-Sorry.
-Uh, you know what? We were just, um Don't bother.
Duncan Morrow.
His daughter, Eileen.
It's a pleasure.
Peter Bash.
Sports-memorabilia people? Ah, we've been expecting you.
Did you know, by the way, that the best sports literature works in direct relation to the size of the ball? For instance, the smaller the ball, the better the book.
"Golf in the Kingdom.
" -Did not know that.
-News to me.
Well, now you do.
Seriously, he needs an MRI.
Yeah, I know.
Our office.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Leather is the perfect medium.
They say fingerprints can last up to 50 years on a baseball.
"Ron Hassey, Dennis Eckersley Doug Harvey.
" From 1988.
Wait a minute.
This can't be This was never found.
Because I had it.
Okay, if you're telling me that's the Kirk Gibson home-run ball, I'm gonna have to lock that door.
It's Kirk Gibson's home-run ball.
-No way.
-Yeah.
No way! -I was at that game! -Oh, yeah? Yeah! Greatest home run ever.
-Okay.
-I-it landed five rows behind me and ended up at my feet.
You never showed it to anybody? Well, I kind of liked the legend of the missing ball.
I had it authenticated for my father's 65th birthday.
Wasn't that sweet of her? Oh, no.
It turned out to be a huge mistake.
My brothers were at the game with him.
And now they're saying they caught the ball.
They're suing me for the ball.
They want to sell it.
-What? -Yeah.
Why? Well, it's got to be worth A fool knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
That's beautiful.
Mr.
Morrow, we're gonna get this ball the respect it deserves.
Ooh, what a mixture such a vivid picture ooh, what a mixture if I must say so myself So, Colin, is there ever a bad time to buy a house? Um When my brother's the agent.
-He couldn't close a suitcase.
-I closed Ann Rushing.
Yeah, to get back at me after I dumped her.
You were better off with Shelley.
Shelley? What do you guys want? Well, we know that you've begun court proceedings with your attorney here for the ball, but your, uh, father and sister suggested that we have a casual chat, maybe see if we can sort this out.
Listening.
Go.
Well, the law became quite clear during the fight for Barry Bonds' ball -- and, hey, I realize saying Bonds' name in the same sentence as Kirk Gibson -- sacrilege, uncool.
Barry Bonds? Giant.
Arch rival.
Okay, um, a ball hit out of the field of play is "owned" by the first person who picks it up.
Exactly.
Possession is 9/10 of the law.
But we possess the ball.
It's our ball.
We picked it up.
"We"? Together? -Yeah.
-Yeah.
Colin helped me Pick it up.
You're actually gonna let your -- You know what? I wish we could have come to an agreement.
I really do.
But, uh, I guess we'll just see what happens in court.
All right? Okay.
Thanks for your time.
Thought that went well.
What the hell was that all about? Dude, their lawyer's incompetent.
-Clearly.
-Yeah.
So I was hoping just for a settlement, but with this guy representing them, I think we could win possession of the ball.
It's like I'm facing batting-practice pitching here.
-Gone! -See, I hate -when you get like this.
-Like what? -All cocky.
-I'm always cocky.
It's an irritating asset.
Works well for me.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
Buffalo.
Peter, don't.
Come on, that's like reminding a batter about a pitcher who once plunked him.
-You don't do that.
-Oh, you are very liberal with the baseball analogies today.
It's a case about a baseball! You know I like my metaphors to reflect the case I'm working on.
-You don't.
-I do now.
-Buffalo, New York.
-Seriously, shut up.
Your junior high could have won -the academic decathlon.
-No! You could have been a hero, except you skipped a review session and said that Buffalo -was the state capital -I'm not listening.
-of New York.
-Used to be! Or to use one of your analogies, you took a fast ball right down the middle for strike three.
No! I did not.
-Listen to me.
-You listen -- Never underestimate anybody, all right? Nothing's ever easy.
-You listening? -No.
-You listening now? -Yes.
-Is this considered sexting? -Gentlemen I have a client that I'd prefer not to be alone with.
-Not safe? -Yeah, for him.
You know a Ronny Streppi? The douchey dad! Yeah.
In there.
Yeah, so, I signed this waiver so this reality show could film my life.
I must have been out of my mind.
Well, at least they put you in a sweet pad.
You've seen it? 'Cause the only thing I can see that they want to show is my gut.
You know, I think they're all about making me look like a tool.
How did they make you look like a drunk? Lighting your chest hair on fire in front of your kids? Yeah.
Yeah, that got out of control.
I'm not used to them Belgian beers.
Tell me about it.
It's like 20-proof.
Made by monks, but monks who like to party.
Right! Right! Well, here's the deal.
Half of America knows me now as "The Douchey Dad," including my kids, and they're embarrassed, and they want to avoid me.
So you guys got to get me out of this contract.
And one of you two is joining my team.
Well, I would love to, but I'm defending -Kirk Gibson's base-- -Bash, welcome aboard.
I'll have all the files sent to your office.
Okay? Thanks.
Bye.
Wish I could, but You know why she asked you, right? 'Cause she's done with you and tossing you like a dead battery? Yeah, that sounds about right.
Guys? I'm a real, live human being.
No, I mean I can hear what you're saying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know if it's client-attorney privilege or whatever that is.
Good times.
Gentlemen, a word? Blow us.
We're busy saving Kirk Gibson's ball.
That's more than a word.
Yeah, but I like him.
He gets extra.
Guys, seriously.
Something someone sent me is now on the Infeld/Daniels server.
Porn? It's complicated.
It's complicated porn? Oh, maybe we underestimated you.
Why don't you let us take a look at it? Look, I want to be a judge someday.
-No.
-Yeah, you do.
And I don't want this to be a vetting issue.
I need it off.
-Dude, talk to I.
T.
-I did.
Do you think that you two would be my first choice? But if I use them, there's this whole process, and I need this to be outsourced.
Wow.
Must be bad.
A crazy fraternity brother.
We know one guy who might be able to help.
Your honor, I'm not sure if you read our motion for summary judgment.
We're actually pretty proud of it.
Yeah.
I don't know if you've noticed -- opposing counsel has not yet arrived.
Ah! You know, I hadn't noticed that.
I was too busy being punctual and respectful of the court's time to even take a look at the tardiness of said counsel.
-But -Dude I think it was Cyndi Lauper -who said respect -- -Dude.
-Dude, I'm lawyering.
-Dude.
Gentlemen.
Y-your honor, may I have a moment? Sure.
Why not? I guess I've got all day.
I'm afraid to ask what happened to their first lawyer.
You got some blood in your teeth.
I contacted Greg and Colin and offered my services.
They accepted.
So, you went to work for a big firm, huh? Thought you weren't gonna do that.
Well, it's a good fit.
After we're done, I hope you don't regret that decision.
Summary judgment just got a little tougher.
Who is that guy? That's Leonard Franklin.
My father.
Last time I guess was, yeah, the holidays.
Yeah, he reminded me where he went to law school -with some Yale Christmas songs.
-Unbelievable.
You get a really cool case, and Leonard the impaler shows up.
Probably because I got a really cool case.
Dude, you okay with this? -If you need any help -No, I got it.
-No worries.
- Jared.
I heard you had an unplanned family reunion in court today.
Oh, yeah, everything but the potato salad.
It was fun.
I-I'm really sorry.
I wouldn't have put you on the case had I known.
Guys, I'm fine with this.
My dad's a lawyer.
I'm a lawyer.
Although he's a lawyer who literally spanked you.
-That's true.
- Peter, would you mind if I had a word with your partner in private? Sure.
Listen, Jared, there's something that I want you to know.
Stanton, I know, all right? Leonard Franklin took on the second-biggest union in the world.
Leonard Franklin re-wrote search and seizure.
Leonard Franklin was featured in "Wine Spectator" twice.
I got it.
Twice? That's absurd.
It doesn't matter.
To me, he's just the guy who wouldn't let me watch "Walker, Texas Ranger" because it made "A mockery of the law.
" Are you good to go with this? Absolutely.
Hell, it might even satisfy a family-holiday obligation.
All right.
Good luck.
I don't need it.
You know, if my father was Leonard Franklin and I was about to go up against him, I'm just saying, I'd be working right now.
If my father was Leonard Franklin, I would be working for Leonard Franklin.
Did Jared ever get that chance? Yeah, and he turned it down.
Imagine working for your father, side-by-side.
It is a dream come true.
Uh, maybe in Pindaristan.
You really -- you should lock that door.
-Or at least close it.
-They're not here.
Yeah, I'm here for Pindar.
Oh.
Really? Yes.
I believe that Jared and Peter mentioned that I needed your help.
Oh, you're theguy.
Yes.
Because you are the expert in computer law.
Follow me, Mr.
Karp.
I think I can help you with your problem.
We're just gonna do some research.
It was very nice to see you.
Carmen.
Mm.
So, every file leaves a unique bit count on the server.
I need a copy of the file.
I need to open it.
There's no other way? Like control/alt/delete or No, there's no other way.
I was afraid of this.
This is a contract.
It will pay you $5,000 to remove the file from the server, provided you adhere to a gag order, which stipulates that if you ever discuss the contents of this file, I'll Just kill you.
What's on the file? Sign.
Sign it.
Sign it, Pindar.
Not a great sleeper.
I have insomnia.
So I did a sleep study.
They hook you up to electrodes and test your rem, sleep apnea, the whole deal.
I didn't know they were videoing me all night, too.
I wanted the study to go well, so I relaxed myself.
Oh, you sing, too? No.
I relaxed myself.
Relax.
I'm not gonna say it again.
I still don't know what -- okay, I just got it.
They sent it to me, and now it's on the Infeld/Daniels server.
I need you to get it off.
It's not a big deal, Mr.
Karp.
Occasionally when I can't relax, I also rough up the suspect Till he orgasms.
Although, I don't always tape myself.
I guess I'm afraid that if my mom finds it, what's her rea-- Find it.
Destroy it.
Tell no one.
Good night.
-High fly ball -Oh! Scully To right field! She is gone! Oh, I still get goose bumps! And I wish I could grow a 'stache like that.
I got to be honest.
Oh! Now, see, the video doesn't show who actually caught the ball.
It almost shows the awesomeness of that moment -- almost.
You love this ball, don't you, Greg? -Yes, I do.
-Yes, you do.
'Cause when Kirk Gibson rocked this out of the park on that day, this became more than a ball.
It became the beating heart of a people.
-Didn't it? -Absolutely.
I mean, look at their faces.
Look at their faces.
-They are moved! -Objection.
-Counsel is testifying.
-Sustained.
They are moved because those fans -- and I include myself and my client in this group -- believe that baseball is more than America's game.
It is our nation's unifying religion, and this ball, this ball It's our holy grail.
Reverend Franklin, is there a question? I'm sorry, your honor.
Guys like Greg and I, we bleed red, white, and Dodger blue, right? -Absolutely.
-Absolutely.
By the way, did the Dodgers get to the playoffs last year? Uh -I don't know.
-You don't know? But you love America's pastime and the Dodgers and this ball.
What kind of man doesn't know whether his favorite baseball team made the playoffs last year? -Oh, that went well.
-It did.
I mean -- wait.
What just happened? Well, we just successfully subpoenaed all the reality company's footage of you.
We're gonna use it to prove they've been maliciously depicting you out of context.
-Uh -You know, bad stuff making you look bad is bad.
-It is bad.
-It is ba-- Ronny, what are you doing, man? Hey, I'm trying to get off your show, Lucian.
Yeah? How's that working out? Come on.
Show up for work.
Your kids miss you.
My kids think I'm a jerk 'cause of you.
I don't think it's thanks to me.
-Really?! Really?! -Come on.
Come on, big fella.
Come on.
Driving home from the stadium, who maintained control of the ball? I did.
I put it in my pocket.
They were fighting over it, like usual.
Do you remember what you said when you took it? Yeah, something like, uh, "When you stop fighting like a couple of nitwits and grow up, I'll give you the ball back.
" My clients have that exact same recollection.
Mr.
Morrow, uh, are your sons, in fact, now grown up? Well, uh -I guess.
-No need to guess.
According to the great state of California, being a grown-up starts at the age of 18 -- -for most people.
-Objection.
Argumentative.
And lame.
-Overruled.
-So it seems that all three parties in this case recall -making a verbal contract.
-Objection! Your honor, opposing counsel knows full well verbal contracts don't really exist between fathers and sons.
Case law shows that contracts with minors are voidable only to protect the minor, and should such contract inure to the benefit of the minor, they are fully enforceable.
And I think that opposing counsel needs to brush up on Robert's Rules of courtroom decorum.
Really? Should I? Who's Robert? Okay, counselors, approach the bench, please.
Gentlemen, are we really gonna do this? Your honor, opposing counsel is implying a binding contract between a father and son, even though I happen to know he himself broke such a contract to his son when he promised him a BMX bike if he went to Latin camp when he was 9.
Relevance, your honor? None.
If you want to tell daddy that he didn't have any respect for you, you'll just have to wait until you're on your third eggnog, like the rest of the world.
This is not therapy for you to work out your issues.
This is court.
Now, you start acting like a lawyer, or you're done here.
Understood? Yes.
Proceed, please.
Ooh.
What's with the books, buddy? Daddy making you do your homework? I want to beat him.
He thinks I'm this legal clown.
So? Clowns can be badass.
Yeah.
Pennywise from Stephen king's seminal "It" -- terrifying.
Insane clown posse.
Krusty.
Huh? Come on, man.
We'll help you kick Leonard's ass with your big red clown shoe.
What happened today? My dad somehow turned Duncan trying to control his sons from fighting in the back of a car 20 years ago into a legal contract.
You couldn't kneecap that argument? I may have gotten a little emotional.
Come on.
We all know family can make people crazy.
Hey, guys, this is the raw footage of Ronny that we subpoenaed from the reality show.
Okay.
Is this it? Well, there's 1,300 hours.
They video-papered us.
-Oh.
-Go through it.
Try to find scenes that make Ronny look good.
I'd love to, but I'm busy.
I'm working for Mr.
Karp.
Oh, yeah.
Big case.
Surprisingly big.
Hey, why can't you help? I will, but I want to help Jared first.
No, I'm good.
I don't need help.
They're brothers.
Find the pressure points.
Hey, you got a sec? It's about your douchey dad.
Yeah, I guess.
So, Peter wanted me to go through the reality footage and find clips of Ronny that actually make him look good.
They don't pay you enough.
Agreed.
So, should the clips show footage of kindness or competence? -Seriously? -Yeah.
I'd settle for anything where he isn't a self-involved dolt desperately milking his 15 minutes.
Okay.
Not a fan.
I prefer stars with some talent -- more than the ability to play "The star-spangled banner" with their armpit.
I get that.
But then again, I'd hate to see what people would think if a reality crew was following me around 24/7.
I'm sure they wouldn't catch you using your quasi-fame to score a free flat-screen.
I went through an awkward phase.
Not everybody can be perfect all the time.
Colin, would you call the mood of the crowd that night of game one electric? Yeah, sure.
Why not? If that's the case, then why did you ask to leave the game in the fifth inning to go home to watch "Full House"? That's not true.
I wanted to stay.
My brother wanted to leave.
-Oh, that's bullsh-- -Excuse me?! Sorry.
Well, lucky you stayed, or else you would have missed the home run.
It's your position that you both caught the ball at the exact same moment.
How did you even do that? It rolled around.
We grabbed it at the same time.
Isn't it possible that you caught the ball first, even by just a fraction of a second? Mm, well That would be a "no," dickwad.
You know what? You speak out of turn one more time, Mr.
Morrow, I'm holding you in contempt.
No.
We definitely grabbed it at the same time.
I see.
And which one of you should have grabbed Shelley? Excuse me? Shelley? Really, Eileen? He didn't grab her.
He killed Shelley.
I didn't kill Shelley! -Shelley was his turtle.
-Turtle? What could this possibly have to do with the case? Your honor, a little leeway? Agreed.
Maybe your client should not have said "dickwad" -in my courtroom.
-He is a dickwad! He let his turtle escape, and then blamed it on me.
-You ran it over! -Did not run it over! -Gentlemen -- -Really?! Turtle shells just end up cracked all on their own! It's a male turtle! He names it "Shelley"! Oh, you checked for its little turtle wienie? Order! Order! Shut up! Shut up! All right.
Calm down.
Go ahead, Mr.
Franklin.
Uh Yeah, I'm sorry, your honor.
I, uh You know, I don't like confrontation.
Sorry.
All this unpleasantness, I've lost my train of thought.
UmWould you mind reading back the verbal agreement opposing counsel made binding yesterday? "When you stop fighting like a couple of nitwits and grow up, I'll give you the ball back.
" How would you folks describe what those two were just doing? Your honor, I'd like this stricken.
My clients were manipulated.
Because they're nitwits -- fighting ones -- which I believe has bearing on our verbal contract.
I'm gonna agree.
The jury is free to consider Mr.
Morrow and Mr.
Morrow "fighting like nitwits.
" Well, of course you can have your picture taken with the ball, Jared.
That's going up on the wall, man.
Okay.
Of course, my firm may want actual payment.
Oh! Would you guys excuse me for a minute? Yeah, sure.
-I'll meet you at the corner.
-All right.
Okay.
You know, I think Duncan might be willing to give ball-visitation rights to his sons.
No, thank you.
My clients aren't interested.
Really? Yeah.
It's their ball.
See you in court tomorrow.
Hey, dad, you know what I'm gonna do tonight? I think I'm gonna cuddle with Kirk Gibson's home-run ball.
See, Mr.
Morrow said that if we won, I could take it for a while, and I think we just won.
-Hey! -Look out! Today is what my dad would call perfect baseball weather.
'Cause for him it was always perfect baseball weather.
It was always a perfect day to spend with friends and family at the ballpark.
My father liked everybody.
He was always there to listen.
I hope you don't blame yourself.
-For what? -For what happened.
I don't.
Good.
It's like a Greek tragedy.
Oedipus, Antigone -- it's all sort of inevitable.
What was inevitable? That the boys get the baseball.
I'm the executor of the estate.
It's up to the children to pick one.
The majority of the children picked me.
He left them the ball? No.
But he died intestate -- no will.
-I know what it means.
-Then you should know the ball is part of Duncan's estate, which, without a will, automatically goes to his children.
They'll have to sell it, divide the proceeds.
Listen You showed some promise in court.
Oh, a little discipline, a little less sizzle, a little more steak, -you could be a real lawyer.
-I won! He wanted us to succeed in life It was good fun, son.
We'll do it again sometime.
There's no way I'm giving you that ball.
But he never let that pursuit of success get in the way of our -Right.
-Do it again! Some road kill here.
Okay, so this makes you look good.
You dressed up as Spongebob to go trick-or-treating with your kids.
Yeah, and I painted that whole washing-machine box by myself.
Couldn't see a damn thing, though, and I walked into my neighbor's cauldron.
That's all they showed on TV.
It made me look like a drunk.
Oh, so you're saying that you weren't? That's not the point, right? It was a great episode.
Wow.
She scares me.
Don't look her in the eyes.
This was on Perez this morning.
"Ronny's mystery hottie.
" You are way out of your league on this one, buddy.
I know.
That's kind of the point, though.
Every week, they put me with a mystery hottie, and they mock me 'cause I'm not hot.
And it's okay, except my kids see this, and I need my kids to respect me, 'cause I'm like their dad.
That's been blowing up on me all year.
So you got to do something about it.
Well, you're a public figure.
I'm not misidentified.
There's not much I can do.
Wow.
Well, better tell my kids.
-Uh, in that shirt? -You're right.
Someone told me I was an autumn, and I argued.
I said, "No, no, I'm a spring.
" And now I got this on.
No.
You look good.
You look good.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I needed that.
Thank you.
Excuse me, ma'am.
You wanted to see me? We're trying to find the baseball, counselor.
Okay.
Do you know where it is? I have no idea.
-Really? -Yes, really.
Stop looking at me like I'm lying about denting your Jag.
You did lie, and it wasn't a dent.
-It was an old Jag.
-And moments before Mr.
Morrow's demise, you told me you were going to "cuddle" with the ball.
You know, I can say that and still sound cool.
We also saw you with the ball in court.
If you have it and don't release it, you will be held in contempt.
I don't have it.
This morning, Jared said to me, "No way I'm giving you that ball.
" Is that true? All right.
I think Oh, God.
If I have to look at one more video of Ronny in a mirror trying to find an ab, I seriously might kill somebody.
You can't afford the assault charge.
Where's that waiver that Ronny signed? Ah, thank you.
This is Peter Bash.
Hey, Eileen.
I'll be right there.
Uh, Jared needs my help.
We're due in court in a couple hours.
-Burn the DVD.
-I don't think making a Ronny glamour reel is gonna work.
We're gonna try something else.
I mean, I'm sure your dad's proud of you, right? Exactly.
Why wouldn't he be? You know, you're a good listener.
That's a quality you don't find in a lot of people, and you have that.
I'm sure you have other skills, but you're a good listener.
-Hey.
-Hey! I'm sorry I didn't call right away.
I wanted to hang out with some scumbags who weren't lawyers for a while.
Eileen called me and told me your dad threw you in jail.
-Second time, actually.
-That's right.
I think he's starting to like it.
Well, she's got something to tell you.
Oh.
Excuse me.
I know where the ball is.
Where? With my father.
In heaven? I buried him with it.
He always said he wanted to be buried with his wooden chest.
It held all the things he loved in it.
It had my mother's locket, their love letters, the little silver fish they got together in Mexico.
Your honor, there is only one clear course of action.
Do not say dig him up.
I would never say that.
I would say "exhume" or "disinter.
" Oh, my God.
As executor of the estate, I have a fiduciary responsibility to secure its assets.
Really? Should we "exhume" his suit? His shoes? If they had a market value of half a million dollars, I would say yes.
That ball is not safe in the ground.
I'm sorry.
Your honor, is Mr.
Franklin making a grave-robber argument? Because unless this is Transylvania -- I wish I was in Transylvania.
Your honor, in Supreme Court decision Dougherty v.
Mercantile Trust, Justice Cardozo stated, "The dead are to rest where they have been lain.
" Hmm.
That is a sound, reasonable legal argument.
Thanks.
But Dougherty goes on to say, "Unless reason of substance is brought forward for disturbing their repose.
" Dig him up.
Whoops.
I got to get to court.
Your dad's a dick.
Hey.
That's my dad you're talking about.
Hanna, we're good? DVD's in the player? -Yeah, but -- -Mr.
Bash.
Can we please light this candle? Yes, your honor.
Ladies and gentlemen, Ronny Streppi has been presented to this country as "The Douchey Dad.
" We're gonna show you a different side.
But it's still good.
12-second rule.
All right, guys, losing my drawers here.
Here you go.
Just like a good dad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There you go.
Here you go.
That dog is smarter than those kids.
His son -- that apple doesn't fall far from the moron tree.
Seriously, this family gives white trash a bad name.
The dog's like, "Hey, get me out of here.
I'd rather live with a homeless guy.
Ruff!" And her? Might as well put a tramp stamp on her right now.
How long till she twirls from a pole? Okay, wait.
Put your head back and pinch it like this.
Look, I've been in a few fights, all right? I think we can agree that, uh, Ronny became understandably agitated.
And assaulted me in court.
Hey, you're a moron, Ronny! You got something gross on your nose.
You actually do.
You getting this? But an entertaining moron who's gonna make me rich.
Our client just committed a felony in front of a judge.
I didn't go to a top-ten school, but I think that's bad.
Maybe not.
And there it is.
You found the file.
Yes.
If we make the server think it's corrupt, it will be over-written to protect the whole sector.
Awesome.
So just enter your access code, and the file will be destroyed.
And your file is That's unexpected.
What? Infeld/Daniels must have a very up-to-date I.
T.
Department.
Look, I don't know what you're talking about.
What are you talking about, Pindar? A cyclic redundancy check.
Basically, it protected the file By redundancy.
Redundancy to who? To me? To you? To the rest of the firm? Well, definitely to me and you.
But also a few circuit court judges.
This is not my fault! It's so hard to keep up with -- just 'cause I'm Indian, you -- I'm more of a Mac guy! This is what you do.
You craft an e-mail to everybody who got your masturbation video, and you say, "My computer was hacked.
"There's a virus on it.
Please don't open.
Destroy this file.
" There's one.
Why would -- that didn't fix anything.
Look at that.
The Williams family.
One, two, three generations all buried together.
There is a hell.
Don't be angry, Jared.
Seriously? You put me in jail.
I was performing my legal duty as an executor of an estate.
Keep telling yourself that.
Let me ask you -- why did you become a lawyer? Are you kidding? Look around.
This is sexy.
Always the jokes.
Aside from the opportunity for three more years of school I wanted to help people.
Not follow in the old man's footsteps? Sorry.
Still, you're a lawyer.
Yeah, but for me it's not about winning.
It's about getting the right wins.
And I guess beating the old man someday is one of those wins.
Yep.
It's amazing.
It took a damn baseball to get us to this.
It's Kirk Gibson's home-run ball, dad.
It's huge.
I should have been there to see him hit it out of the park, but we had to leave in the seventh.
Do you remember? I never tell anybody that.
Sometimes leaving a game early is what good lawyers do.
So you can sneak away from mom? Go see your girlfriend? I was 10.
I wasn't an idiot.
No.
You weren't.
- Here it is.
-Open it.
I need to make sure the ball is inside.
Chain of custody.
What is that? "To be opened in the event some bastard digs me up.
" Oh, it's for you.
Why didn't you tell us about the envelope in the box? I didn't know about it, your honor.
But that's his handwriting? It is.
All righty.
Let's see what it says.
"I, Duncan Morrow, am the sole author of this document, "which, if you are reading, means someone dug me up.
"Should any of my children have had a hand in that, "they forfeit all rights to my Kirk Gibson baseball, "which I hereby bequeath, first, "to any of my heirs who did not want to dig me up, "second to the Baseball Hall of Fame, third to the" It goes on and on, but I think we have a winner.
I'm sorry you had to spend a little time locked up.
You know, personally, I find it kind of centering.
I spoke to the judge.
You're a first-time offender.
You'll get six months' probation, Max.
Why is that good? Your network contract.
The morality clause.
"The services of any contestant charged with an assault is immediately terminated.
" Dude, you're off the show! No way! No way! Oh, my gosh! I get to see my kids.
Okay.
-Oh, is it Thursday? -It's Thursday.
'Cause I know a place that has free fish tacos for the kids, Bye.
That was a very Franklin-and-Bash move in court.
Really? I'd say it was very Hanna, but I don't name courtroom maneuvers after myself.
Then you have no future with Jared.
Jared! So I'll see you in a few months? Christmas? Um, you know, dad, actually, I'm probably gonna stay -- No, I'm talking about appeal.
All of this is predicated on the ball being a part of Duncan's estate.
But ownership of the ball is still in dispute.
You know, there are easier ways to see me.
Are there? Probably not.
You know, I think I just figured out why you're so tough on me.
Because I want you to do well? No.
'Cause I think deep down, whether you know it or not, you want me to be better than you.
Boy's got potential, Stanton.
Why we hired him.
Yeah.
Just, uh, try not to screw him up.
Well, if you couldn't do that with your bullshit, Leonard, I suspect the lad's impervious.
See you, son.
You know my father? Why didn't you tell me? Look, I was going to tell you at the courthouse the other day, and then I saw you ready to take on your father with typical Jared Franklin aplomb, and I thought, why burden you with this extraneous information? It's like when you're skiing down a glacier.
You know, you're not thinking of the crevasses.
When I was in Patagonia, for instance -- I got to tell you -- that's awesome.
But j-just tell me Did your relationship with my father have anything to do with you hiring me? No.
I hired you because you and your partner make a wonderful addition to my firm.
Oh, yeah.
Your whole team.
Real pros.
Oh, Mr.
Karp.
I got your e-mail.
Oh, just ignore that.
I got hacked.
Well, I did set my spam filter for you.
Unless, of course, you were thinking of me.
What was all that about? I think she's crazy.
Infeld didn't tell you how he knew Leonard? -Nope.
-But there's history.
Yeah.
For sure.
They definitely do not dig each other at all.
Something happened.
What? Well, you drive on the wrong side of the road, put milk in your tea, like colored money.
Say, "Well done, boys.
" Infeld boned my mom.
That's what you're going with? Well, I'm saying, you know, it was the '80s.
Your dad was fooling around.
Your mom -- she needed the attention.
I couldn't be there for her all the time.
Let me ask you this.
Would you want Infeld to be your dad instead of Leonard? Come on, man, I'm eating.
All right? We're here celebrating, okay? Let's change the station.
That was inappropriate.
I'm sorry.
-This is a good day.
-Thank you.
All right, you get to have sex with Heidi Klum.
Okay! But? But your mom has to have sex with Infeld.
Man, thanks! I got to believe he is freaky.
Become a monster Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, who said that? I call this the Peruvian swing bar.
Who said that? Who said that? ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh