Half Man (2026) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
(UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER, CHEERING)
(GUESTS LAUGHING)
-GUEST: How do you know
the groom?
-Oh, he's my brother.
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
-Wait here.
-No. Niall!
-(GUEST LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
Oh, here he comes. Look at this.
You coming for a dance, are you?
-(CHUCKLES)
-Why are you here?
-Nice to see you too, Bambi.
-Don't fucking call me that!
Why are you here?
Not like this.
Let's go somewhere private.
Fine.
(UPBEAT FOLK
MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
(MUSIC BUILDS) ♪
(MUSIC ECHOES, FADES) ♪
(HEARTBEAT THUMPING
OVER MONITOR)
AVA: So, it's definite?
MIDWIFE: Yes, madam.
All looking good here.
But that can't be.
I mean, I've been told
I can't get pregnant.
I've been told
it would never happen.
Well, I've been doing this
for 20 years
and I can safely say you are.
Around nine weeks,
to be precise.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
So, do you guys
have any questions?
It Yeah,
I mean, what happens now?
Well, I think you need
to start planning.
This is a geriatric pregnancy,
and you need to limit anything
which causes stress
in your life.
Jesus, Niall! You're gonna
have to move out then.
(CHUCKLES)
And that machine's trustworthy,
is it?
Excuse me?
NIALL KENNEDY: It's just
you hear stories, don't you?
You know, people getting scanned
and there actually being
nothing in there at all,
like a a phantom pregnancy,
I think it's called,
something which isn't there
but its presence is
is felt.
I'll have a phantom relationship
if you keep talking.
No, rest assured,
Mr. Kennedy, this is very real.
And something
you need to plan for,
regardless of what you decide
to do.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
MIDWIFE:
I'll leave you guys to chat.
-It's bad luck, at least.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
AVA: We have sex, like,
once in six months
and I get pregnant.
Just think about it, Niall.
All the crying and screaming
and mood swings.
And then there's the baby
to think about.
-(SCOFFS)
-(CHUCKLES)
You can be honest
with me, you know.
-About what?
-About whether you want this.
Go on. Free pass. No judgment.
NIALL:
God, I don't know. I mean
Are you saying
you want to do it?
I think so.
I'm 42.
Been told
I could never have kids.
This genuinely might be
my last chance to be unhappy.
-(CHUCKLES)
-(LAUGHS)
But, hey, Niall, silver linings.
At least it's a short commute
to work for me today.
I'll see you later on. (KISSES)
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
Oh, wait.
Are you still on for dinner
with Ruben and Mona later?
That's today, is it? Christ!
They're not gonna be
all over each other again
-like last time, are they?
-No, I don't think so.
I've spoken to them about that.
Then fine, I'll be there.
Bye, Niall.
Or should I say "Daddy"?
(CHUCKLES)
(INTRIGUING INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Oh, you're fucking gorgeous,
aren't you?
(CHUCKLES, KISSES)
And this neck.
I could fucking eat this neck.
-Just be a fucking head
-(LAUGHS)
and some shoulders.
(RUBEN PALLISTER LAUGHS, KISSES)
(BOTH CONTINUE KISSING)
(NIALL CLEARS THROAT)
Sorry, uh, what were you saying?
Oh, I was just talking
about Greece
potentially heading out
the Eurozone
and going back to the Drachma.
Right, yeah. Shite.
Look, uh, shall we call it here?
It's getting dark soon.
Hey, no way! I haven't asked
Niall about his new book yet.
Oh, fuck me.
Yeah,
let's call it here, Ruben.
-I'll order you guys a taxi.
-Go ahead, Niall.
I'm listening.
What's this one about?
Well, it's
a semi-autobiographical story
about a young boy who's--
Good Lord, he's starting.
Hurry it up, Ruben.
I'm texting as quick as I can.
Don't worry.
-(LAUGHS)
-Yeah, brilliant.
-(RUBEN LAUGHS)
-Oh, stop.
We're just having banter.
You know, one day I'll have
a partner that respects me.
-Wow. Can't wait to meet her.
-(LAUGHS)
Fucking love this girl. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)
Right. Driver says
he's five minutes away.
I'll walk you out.
Can you believe it?
Drinking fucking wine
out in the garden
like a couple
of posh cunts. (LAUGHS)
-(NIALL LAUGHS)
-RUBEN: Where we've come from.
-Fuck me.
-NIALL: I know.
RUBEN: Oh, man, look.
I know I joke, but I just wanted
to say, proud of you.
I remember when we met back up,
you were fucking
rock-bottom, man,
now look at you.
Good girl, nice house,
new book, massive cock.
That's always a constant.
-(LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
When do you think
you'll be done by?
With the writing?
Oh, not long, I wouldn't say.
It's the final push.
Just Just figuring out
the ending.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, a book's gonna need
an ending, isn't it?
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Why do you ask?
Well, look, I, um
I hate to do this, but I'm
I'm gonna need
that money back I lent you.
-What, all of it?
-Yeah, fucking all of it.
Jesus, Ruben, it's 30 grand.
Can't we just wait six months
until the launch bonus
comes through?
No chance. Just write the ending
and get the book done.
-Any ending will do.
-Oh, come on, Ruben.
I mean, that'd be compromising
my artistic integrity.
You'll feel
a lot better about it
when I'm compromising
your health.
-Okay, that was harsh.
-Don't need to apologize.
I didn't.
(DOOR OPENS)
MONA SHIELS:
Don't forget his bag.
-(LAUGHS) Oh, thank you.
-(MONA SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Yeah, lovely to see you.
Look, can we chat
about this another time?
-I don't want Ava to hear.
-How?
She knows you owe me this money.
NIALL: Yeah, it's just
She thinks
I paid you back already.
But you didn't pay me back.
I know.
Fuck me.
You stole 30K
from your girlfriend?
Stole it from her dad.
RUBEN:
Still, that's fucking insane.
What on earth
did you spend it on?
It doesn't matter.
It's nothing important.
Well, clearly more important
than paying me back.
Are you seriously telling me
you had my money
and kept it all for yourself?
Yeah.
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I'm sorry.
You shouldn't
have told me that, Niall.
You really
shouldn't have told me that.
-It's just weird.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
He earns a hundred grand a year.
What does he need it for?
I don't know, Niall.
Why don't you tell me
your theory,
so I can use it to point out
your character flaws?
-He's fucking with me.
-Brilliant.
To get me back for prison.
By asking it back
at a pivotal career moment.
Oh, please.
He gets you back
for screwing him over
by giving you the equivalent
of a semi-detached?
I didn't screw him over.
We've been through this.
We screwed each other over.
-That's what we settled on.
-Still pretty long,
arduous, expensive
fucking with you, isn't it?
Lending you money and knowing
he will never get it back?
When breaking your fingers
is so cheap.
No, I'm telling you.
This is what he does.
Niall, he's done more for you
than anyone
these past few years.
He kept you going financially.
After you practically cleared me
out of house and home
with your nonsense.
I think your problem
is you still think of him
as the boy you grew up with.
Just talk to him.
Take him somewhere he enjoys.
Catch him at a good moment.
He'll be fine.
He'll wait another six months.
I promise you.
He's big and fluffy
underneath it all, really.
-(ARCADE GAME ALARM BLARING)
-RUBEN: Motherfucker!
I just find it
fucking ridiculous.
Get this. Mona said last night
she wants to start
teaching dance classes.
Have you ever heard
of anything so fucking stupid?
-(SPEED BAG THUDS)
-(ALARM BLARING)
I asked her
what she'd get from it.
You know what she said?
Self-empowerment.
It's pathetic. She's my wife.
She should take
all her power from me.
-(SPEED BAG THUDS)
-RUBEN: I've spoiled her rotten,
and now she's telling me
she needs a life
when I've given her
the best one around.
It's fucking rude,
is what it is.
And I don't trust the cunt
that's asking her either.
Benji. Fucking Uncle Rico twat.
He has ill intentions,
and it pisses me off.
I want to go down there
and crack his head open,
dance on his fucking brains.
Anyway, what do you want
to speak to me about?
Oh, just this money business.
Oh, fuck me.
Is that why we're here?
Soften me with soft toys?
Well, I thought
it would be nice.
Yeah,
you're paying me back, Niall.
-That's not fair.
-"Not fair"?
You know, you're the only cunt
in the world
who could borrow 30K
and then make
the other cunt feel unreasonable
for asking it back.
Yeah, but can't can't we
come up with some sort of
system instead?
Sure, you can pay me back
800 a month.
(SCOFFS) Impossible.
I mean, I could do 200
at a press.
No, it's not enough.
NIALL: Well, then I'm out
of options, Ruben.
Short of giving up on my dreams,
and I'm not willing to do that.
Come on, Niall.
They've given up on you.
-Okay, that was harsh.
-Don't need to apologize.
I fucking didn't.
Look, I'm not a monster,
all right?
There are other ways
of doing this.
What other ways?
Well, I pay a gardener
and a cleaner 15 pound an hour.
I can let them go,
you can pick up the slack,
deduct it from the total.
You want me to be your bitch?
Hey, Mr. Radeem
is nobody's bitch.
But that's one way of doing it.
Couple of times a week,
we can call it 200 a month.
Add it to the 200,
that's 400 total.
-I can stomach that for now.
-NIALL: Yeah, but, Ruben, Jesus.
I'm not sure
I feel comfortable with that.
I mean
do you feel comfortable
with that?
Yeah. I think I can live
with it. (CHEWING)
(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC BUILDS) ♪
-(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)
-(GRUNTS)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Oh.
Hi.
Care to join?
Sure.
I hate that
he's making you do this.
-So, where is he?
-MONA: God knows.
Stalking through the night.
I take it you suggested
these dance classes again.
Is that right?
Yep.
-He stormed straight out.
-NIALL: I see.
Are you gonna defy him?
Nah.
Can't start World War III
over a few twirls.
Maybe you could write a chapter
in your book about me going?
I can read it
and it'll be like I'm there.
Oh, it wouldn't be
what you're looking for.
-I haven't danced in my life.
-Oh, come on now.
Scottish Country Dancing
at school?
-Oh, piss off!
-(LAUGHS)
NIALL: Most embarrassing
experience of my life.
Nobody would dance with me.
Meanwhile,
Ruben had about five women
-hanging off of him.
-(LAUGHS)
That's our boy.
Yeah.
I miss that Ruben, you know?
Yeah.
Me too. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
What do you think happened?
It's men.
They always fall away with time.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Look, I'd better head off,
actually.
Ava will be wondering.
You go, tiger.
(CELL PHONE CHIMING, BUZZING)
Oh, I forgot to say
I remember you dancing
back at school.
-It's hard to describe, but
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I remember you
just being so
(INHALES SHAKILY)
free.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
-NIALL: Ruben?
-What'd you say to her?
NIALL: Excuse me?
She's taking
her first class tonight!
Something about how she looked
dancing back at school.
NIALL:
Oh, it was just a comment.
Well, what are you doing
commenting?
She was just about to back out
of the whole fucking thing.
Ruben, I really don't think
this is a big deal.
Yes, it is. You fucked me.
Because now instead
of stopping her hobby,
I'm stifling her freedom.
I don't see
what the problem is here.
The problem is
that she used to stay at home
all day and wait for me.
Now I get back
and she's out there
throwing her fucking body about.
So? There's nothing wrong
with enjoying
a bit of attention.
I mean, if you've got it,
flaunt it, that's what I say.
Hey, hey, hey.
She hasn't got it.
We're married.
I've fucking got it.
It's not hers to flaunt,
it's mine to keep.
Are you taking your meds, Ruben?
I'll fucking take all of them
if you don't sort this out.
Well, what do you want me to do?
I want you to go down
the dance class
and keep an eye on her.
You want me to stalk your wife?
No, I don't want you
to stalk my wife, Niall.
Jesus Christ!
Just stay close to her.
Trace her movements.
Follow her around
the place a bit.
But don't stalk her.
I don't know, Ruben.
This all feels a bit
-off to me.
-Oh, I don't know.
You've done worse
than this before, have you not?
I mean, maybe we can go upstairs
to Ava, let her decide.
Or her father.
But what? Are you expecting me
to, like join in?
Yeah, why not?
If you're so pro it,
maybe you'll find freedom
in it too.
And stop her drinking.
She always spills her guts
when she drinks.
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(NIALL SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
MONA: Fuck's sake!
Christ.
("ALL THE LOVERS"
BY KYLIE MINOGUE PLAYING) ♪
It's all I wanna do
So won't you dance? ♪
MONA: Okay, guys,
shall we begin?
Why won't you move? ♪
I'll get inside your groove ♪
'Cause I'm on fire
Fire, fire, fire ♪
Okay, we're going deep squat.
Ready?
Three, two, one.
-(SONG FADES) ♪
-(PANTS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(WHISPERS) Well done.
I loved the class.
-I know. How was it?
-Yeah. (LAUGHS)
Everyone was moving.
I'm sweating so much right now.
-(LAUGHS)
-(MONA LAUGHS)
-Me too. Or I was. It was great.
-BENJI THOMSON: Well done.
-Let me give you a hug.
-MONA: Oh.
-(LAUGHS)
-(BENJI LAUGHS)
-(BOTH WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
-(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-I'm sorry.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
You know what Ruben's like
when he gets persuasive.
Yeah, I do, actually,
which is why I'm not giving
into it this time.
I'll get to 60
and realize I've spent
my life in his pockets.
I mean, is this really
all about dancing?
No.
Goes a lot deeper than that.
-Well, go on. You can say.
-No, I can't.
It'll destroy him.
Well, how about a drink instead?
-What? (LAUGHS)
-(NIALL LAUGHS)
He asked how old you were?
NIALL: Yeah,
this random dude.
Told me it's great
to see me going for it
at my age. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS) That's insane.
What did you say?
-I told him I was 30. (LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
That's nuts, Niall.
You look like a prisoner of war.
I feel like a prisoner of war.
You fucking will be
if you turn up
at my dance classes again,
I tell you.
I'm sorry, Mona.
I'll stay away.
I need to anyway.
Ava's starting to think
I'm avoiding her.
Why would you be avoiding her?
("WHEN I'M SMALL"
BY PHANTOGRAM PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
(SIGHS)
Well, she's pregnant,
as it happens.
Wow. Congrats. That's quick.
-Yeah.
-What's wrong? You doubting it?
Mm.
We've been together a year
-and we barely know each other.
-Well, I would say that's better
than knowing everything
about someone.
NIALL: Yeah, maybe.
Just makes me question
if it's real, you know?
MONA: Hmm.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY, CLICKS TONGUE)
Ruben is gonna go radge
when he finds out
-Ava's pregnant.
-Oh, yeah? Why's that?
He's infertile.
-What?
-Well, low fertility,
but it's pretty much
the same thing.
Is this why
he's been so jealous?
Yeah.
He thinks
I'm gonna leave him for a man
that can give me all he can't.
-Wow. Ruben?
-Why is this so shocking?
It's just for a man
that leads with his balls
That's not funny.
No. Sorry.
Have you talked about adopting?
Once, but Ruben tore
the kitchen sink off the wall.
I don't think you realize
how bad it is.
It's like he's lost his mind
to the whole thing.
He gets drunk and talks
about how having a kid
is "God's plan" for him
so he can "break the cycle."
What do you think
he means by that?
Christ knows.
I just think he wants a kid
he can care for
because his dad
didn't treat him so nice.
(FAINTLY) Yeah.
But anyway,
let's change the subject.
-This is depressing. (LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS) Yeah.
To our fucked-up relationships.
To our fucked-up lives.
-(LAUGHS)
-(NIALL LAUGHS)
-Oh, I love it.
-(GLASSES CLINK)
-(GIGGLES)
-(SONG FADES) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV)
AVA: Jesus, Niall.
(TV TURNS OFF)
Where on earth have you been?
I think we should do it.
I think we should have
a baby together.
-(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(SCOFFS, GASPS)
-(LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
(BOTH KISS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
Ava's pregnant, and we're
gonna make a go of it.
-Oh, yeah?
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Is that it? "Oh, yeah?"
I was just waiting
for the caveat.
No, there's no caveat.
We're doing this.
-I told her last night.
-When did she get pregnant?
I found out a week ago.
Well, that doesn't sound
very certain to me.
Well, I was just
thinking it through.
Ava and I are still very new,
and it's a big thing to put
at the center of things.
(SCOFFS)
You can say that again.
I mean, it's hard enough
without everything else.
-"Everything else," as in?
-Your sexuality.
That's over, Mum.
I've told you this.
Is it, though?
I find it very convenient
you find your straight side
the second Ruben is back
in your life.
How many times? It was a phase.
(SCOFFS)
It wasn't a phase, Niall.
-It was a serious problem.
-Well, then how come it stopped?
Because you enlisted
the services of a priest.
Nobody pays that much money
to get themselves out
-of a bloody phase.
-NIALL: He wasn't a priest.
He was a
spiritual figure.
He was a charlatan
and you're a div.
Well, it worked, didn't it?
Oh, bollocks did it.
Do you really think
your sexuality can be done away
with a few cups of poison?
Don't be daft, Niall. Jesus!
NIALL: Well, then how come
I haven't done anything
-since then?
-(LORI KENNEDY SIGHS)
Because you haven't
been tested yet.
Trust me. It will creep up
on you in your darkest hour.
These things always do.
Jesus Christ,
just stop it, will you?
You should be happy for me.
I am happy, love.
I'm just trying to make you see
the full picture.
Can you honestly look me
in the eye
and say you're certain
you want a child?
Yes, Mum. Yes, I can.
Well, then do it.
I'm certain.
LORI: Hmm.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
The thing to forget
is anything the books tell you.
Truth is, it can take a while
for that bond to form,
particularly for the dads.
Excuse me.
It's, uh, Niall, isn't it?
Yeah.
INSTRUCTOR:
What did I just say?
Uh Something to do
with the dads?
Yes.
Very nearly a full sentence.
-(LAUGHS)
-(ALL LAUGH)
(CHUCKLES)
INSTRUCTOR: Just that
it is natural for the dad
to take longer
to connect to the baby.
Fucking twat.
"What did I just say?"
Like I'm some schoolkid.
He just wants to make sure
everyone's moving
-at the same pace.
-Yeah, he always looks at me
when he makes
the negative points, though.
Well, you give off the vibe
of an absent father, to be fair.
-How do I?
-Runs in the family.
Your father was
an absent father, was he not?
-He died.
-Exactly.
You don't get much more absent
than that, do you?
-(LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
AVA: Oh, Jesus, what now?
NIALL: What the fuck
is he doing here?
-(HAND BRAKE CLICKS)
-(ENGINE SHUTS OFF)
NIALL: Ruben?
What are you doing here?
-I just need a word.
-Everything okay?
We'll be fine. (SIGHS)
Just give us a second, will you?
(KEYS JANGLING)
The other night.
Dance class.
I want to know what you saw.
I didn't see anything.
Was Benji there?
Yeah, I think so.
What happened?
Nothing.
-They talked?
-NIALL: Yeah.
Well, then something happened,
didn't it?
Well, a talk
doesn't mean anything.
Describe it.
The interaction.
Well, he went up
at the end of the class.
-They hugged--
-They hugged?
-NIALL: Yeah.
-They fucking hugged.
-Motherfucker!
-Ruben, that is too-- (SHUSHES)
That's too far! It was a
It was
It was like a friendly hug.
-Do it on me.
-NIALL: No.
-I can't indulge this--
-The hug. Do it on me.
Okay, I'm Mona. You're Benji.
Do it on me.
-Come on.
-Well, it was just like
She may as well
have sucked his cock!
-NIALL: This is insane!
-No, it's not. Okay?
I want you to do better here,
moving forward.
I can't keep doing this.
I can't. I have a life.
What fucking life do you have?
-You're practically unemployed.
-Well, even so,
I'm not gonna spend it
spying on your wife.
Tough shit!
When you get yourself a life,
you can complain
I'm pulling you from it.
So, you're fucking doing this,
all right?
'Cause I've got
your fucking balls, Bambi.
Don't forget it, yeah?
Yeah? Do you understand?
-Do you understand?
-Yes.
Good.
Good.
Is there anything else
you need to say? Hmm?
Yeah.
Uh
Ava's pregnant.
Huh.
Wow.
Wow.
That's amazing.
Honestly, that's, uh
That's amazing. (LAUGHS WEAKLY)
I'm gonna be an uncle.
(FORCES LAUGHTER)
Hey? (LAUGHS) Uncle Rube.
Hey, it's got a nice ring to it.
Yeah.
I'll be the cunt
that comes round
and does the coin trick
behind the ear, huh? (LAUGHS)
You're not allowed
to teach him it.
Hey, that's my trick, yeah?
You big fucking shagger.
Yeah? I'm proud of you.
My brother
from another lover, yeah?
Putting your fucking dick
to work.
(LAUGHS) Hey, hey. Hey.
They should put it
in museums, shouldn't they?
Your cock on display, yeah?
Can you imagine?
Big fucking dick
with a strong seed.
All the people in the museum
wandering around, looking over.
(LAUGHING MADLY) I bet never
in a million years
would they think it was strapped
to a fucking body this meek.
Yeah, or a face
this fucking scrawny, hey?
I bet they thought
it'd be strapped
to some fucking
big bison of a cunt,
some fucking, like,
Greek muscly fucker,
some fucking Russian cunt, yeah?
-(LAUGHS) Yeah? Hey, hey.
-Don't--
Hey, why don't you show me it,
yeah?
-Fuck it, hey?
-(YELPS)
-Come on, show me, hey?
-NIALL: Don't--
RUBEN: Hey.
Niall, show me. Show me.
-Show me, hey?
-Ruben, don't!
RUBEN: I just wanna catch
a glimpse. Come on, mate.
-NIALL: Don't-- Get off!
-Hey. Hey. Hey. No, no.
It's like a fucking trophy,
isn't it, hey?
-Hey, hey, fucking show me.
-(NIALL GROANS)
RUBEN: (LAUGHING) Yeah. Come on.
Come on, Niall, hey?
It's like a big fucking trophy,
isn't it?
-Hey.
-NIALL: Get off!
RUBEN: Come on, Niall, yeah?
Yeah? Come on, Niall.
-Come on, it's for fucking--
-No!
RUBEN: Come on, Niall.
Get it out, yeah?
-What the fuck are you doing?
-(RUBEN GRUNTS)
Yeah? No, no, no,
come on, come on, come on.
-Come on, I want to see
the big fucking shagging
-No! Fucking get off!
-impregnating fucking piece.
-NIALL: Ruben, stop!
RUBEN: You're gonna
do better for me moving forward,
are you, yeah?
You're gonna fucking keep
an eye on her.
You're gonna fucking keep
an eye on her, are you?
-Huh? Yeah?
-(SCREAMS) Stop it!
-Huh?
-Get off!
-Yeah? (GROANS)
-AVA: Ruben!
-(NIALL PANTS)
-(RUBEN PANTS)
What the hell's going on here?
(PANTS)
(PANTS)
Nothing.
We're just messing around.
Look, it's getting late, yeah,
so maybe you can come back
another time.
(PANTS)
(PANTS)
You big fucking shagger.
(LAUGHS)
-(SHOUTS) You big shagger! Yes!
-(DARK, PENSIVE
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
-(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)
-(DOOR CLOSES)
(VACUUM CLEANER STOPS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
-Hey, mister.
-Hey.
Where's Ruben?
He left this morning
for Aberdeen.
He'll be offshore next week,
so we'll all get a bit
of peace from him. (CHUCKLES)
Do you fancy some soup?
I'm going to put a pot on.
-Sure. I'll just finish up here.
-No, you won't.
You've got
more important work to do.
Follow me.
You're probably the first person
to use this.
I was thinking you could write
some of your book
and read me it later.
Here's the Wi-Fi code.
And if you get chilly,
Ruben's dressing gown's
on the back of the door.
I'm excited to read some.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-(DOOR OPENS)
-Here you go.
-It's a bit hot.
-Oh, thanks.
MONA: Go on, then.
-Read me some.
-Oh, no, no. (LAUGHS)
I'll feel self-conscious.
Well, I'll close my eyes, then.
You can whisper to me.
-(CHUCKLES)
-(CHUCKLES)
(CLEARS THROAT)
"Billy looked up to Cosmo,
who was everything he was not.
He had a violent,
unafraid quality,
like he could go off
any time somehow."
Sounds like Ruben.
(BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY)
"He was tall, slim,
with jet-black hair,
and seemed to have
a succession of girls
throwing themselves
at him constantly,
all of whom he would brush off
without a single care
in the world.
Apart from Kara Alice,
the top girl
in the whole school.
-(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Every boy fancied her.
She had this rare,
wispy quality,
like she was
unattainable somehow.
And Billy didn't know
whether it was youth
or good looks
or adolescent projection
on his part, but she"
Uh
Keep going.
"she walked
like fairy dust
as though brightening
every corner of the school."
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
(GASPS) Well,
I don't know about you
but I'm feeling every inch
of this book. (CHUCKLES)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(RUBEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
-AVA: It's honestly fine.
-Ruben? What the hell?
I thought you were going
to Aberdeen today.
Yeah, I'm
I'm going in a minute.
I just came round
to drop these off.
Say congratulations.
Sit.
(NIALL CLEARS THROAT)
Look, I
I wouldn't be a man if I didn't
come round and say
I'm happy for you.
You know, Ava
you're going to be a great mum.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
And, Niall, you're going
to be a dad.
But I'm also coming round
to say that I'm calling
in my debts.
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Ruben, don't do this.
-What debts?
-Niall owes me 30K.
AVA: What?
I thought you paid that.
-Why are you doing this, Ruben?
-Because once you have a kid,
you'll never have the money
to pay me back.
Niall, what's going on here?
Is this because Ava's pregnant?
What makes you say
that, brother?
I'm happy for you.
No, it's just I know
you've been trying really hard.
She told you?
She fucking told you?
-(SHOUTS) She fucking told you!
-Ruben, wait, wait!
She fucking told you!
I'll fucking kill her!
-I'll fucking kill her!
-AVA: Oh, my God, Niall.
-Are you okay?
-(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
-I need to go after him.
-No, no you don't.
-Niall, you might be concussed.
-No, I have to.
-No.
-I have to go.
-Niall, no.
-Ava!
-No!
-Let me go.
-(ECHOING) Niall!
-(MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪
-Oh, shit!
-(MUSIC SOFTENS) ♪
-RUBEN: Get your fucking shit
-MONA: Ruben. Ruben, stop. Wait!
-RUBEN: out my fucking house!
-MONA: Wait,
we can talk about this, Ruben.
-RUBEN: I can't believe you.
I fucking can't believe you.
-MONA: Ruben, please!
-RUBEN: Fucking telling him
my shit.
-Please! Why are you doing this?
(GRUNTS) I told you, didn't I?
I fucking told you.
-MONA: Let's talk about this.
-What the hell's going on?
This is what you get. It's her!
-Telling my shit to people!
-NIALL: Ruben, stop.
RUBEN: Shouting her mouth off
at people!
Ruben, stop before someone calls
the police. Stop it.
-That's not yours to give away!
-NIALL: Stop it!
Do you understand?
I fucking told you!
NEIGHBOR:
Is there a problem here?
-Shut the fuck up!
-Ruben, stop.
-Shut the fuck up.
-Ruben, stop!
-You fat cunt!
You want some, yeah?
-(GRUNTS) Look
-You fat fucking cunt!
-Ruben, look at me!
-Walk away! Walk away!
-Look at me!
-Look at me! Stop it!
-Yeah, what you looking at?
-Stop it! Hey, look at me!
-Yeah, you fucking walk away!
You're gonna lose everything
if you don't fuck off right now!
Look at what you've built.
Look at what you've got.
If they call the police,
you're gonna lose it all
and you're gonna end up
back in prison.
-(PANTS)
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
-MONA: Ruben, I'm sorry.
-Don't even go there.
-MONA: I'm so--
-Don't even fucking go there.
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
-(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
-(ENGINE STARTS)
-(PANTS)
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MONA SNIFFLES)
(SOBS)
Fuck!
What did you say to him?
(SIGHS) I'm so sorry, Mona.
He forced it out of me.
Are you okay?
-Are you all right?
-Look what he's done.
I know. I know.
I didn't know he'd do this.
Why don't we get you
back inside, all right?
-Yeah.
-And I'll fix this. Okay.
Come on.
Let's go. Let's go.
We'll get everything cleaned up.
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
(SOBS, SNIFFLES)
Hey.
Hey, what's wrong?
(SNIFFLES) Fuck. It's my life.
I know I should leave him
but I just
love him so much.
I know he can't help it.
But it's killing me.
(SIGHS)
Look, I feel like
I'm betraying him here
by saying this, but
you deserve better.
I love Ruben.
But he's lost his mind.
He's away with the fairies now.
In fact, even the fairies
have had enough of him.
(LAUGHS)
(KISSES)
No.
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC BUILDS) ♪
(BOTH PANT)
(NIALL GRUNTS)
-(NIALL GRUNTS)
-(MONA BREATHES HEAVILY)
(NIALL GRUNTS)
(MONA MOANS)
-(NIALL GRUNTS)
-(MONA GASPS)
(NIALL CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(BOTH BREATHE HEAVILY)
(MONA PANTS)
(MUSIC TURNS TENSE) ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
AVA: Jesus Christ!
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
AVA: Don't apologize.
Just tell me
what the hell is going on.
No, I am. I'm
(SOBS) I'm sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.
What happened
with the money, Niall?
-NIALL: I can't say.
-Yes, you can.
That was my dad's money.
I need to know
what you spent it on.
Niall?
-What did you spend it on?
-I did these courses.
I did these
(HESITATES)
straightening-me-out type
courses.
What?
That's not okay, Niall.
(LOW, SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
What did they do?
(SNIFFLES)
(SNIFFLES) I drank stuff.
Looked at images.
Threw up a bit.
(SCOFFS)
What, and you spent 30K on this?
NIALL: No.
No, he asked for direct debit
and then he emptied my account.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Niall.
Why can't you just be happy
with that side of yourself?
It's the 21st century.
Nobody cares anymore.
It doesn't make me feel
any better.
I mean, the fact that the world
is progressing
only adds to the problem
because not only am I ashamed
-bloody irrational too.
-AVA: I get that.
But when you told me,
I said it didn't matter.
As long as it didn't interfere
with our relationship.
Besides, everyone
who matters knows.
Your mum knows. I know.
Christ, from what I understand,
every truck driver
in Glasgow knows.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(SNIFFLES)
-I don't see why it's a problem.
-Because I don't know!
Look, you need to get some help.
Some proper help.
Because I don't have it in me
to fix someone
who won't show me their parts.
NIALL: I will.
I don't know where to start.
Start with the biggest thing
and work back from there.
(PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
NIALL: Mona, look,
I just wanted to pop round
and see how you were, really.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
-MONA: Yeah, fine, I suppose.
It was a
a moment of madness, but
I don't think
we should get worked up over it
or punish ourselves.
Yeah, I agree.
So, are you feeling, like
okay about it?
I don't know how to feel,
if I'm honest.
I haven't allowed
any emotion in.
I'm good that way.
Yeah,
but this is pretty big, Mona.
You slept with his brother
on his kitchen floor,
the floor he tiled.
Yeah, I know.
I was there, Niall.
Sorry, Mona.
Is everything all right?
You're being a bit cold.
(SMACKS LIPS)
I'm just compartmentalizing.
-It's how I cope.
-NIALL: Yeah, I get that.
-But with his brother, Mona?
-Oh, please!
Are you really trying to get me
to realize my guilt here, Niall?
You are the brother!
Yeah, no, I know that. I just
Look, can you
not do that, please?
Jesus, Mona.
Why are you being
so chill about this?
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
If you must know
I've been here before.
What, on Ruben?
This is the first time
I've had sex behind his back.
Wait, are we talking
about Benji here?
-That twat with the mustache?
-(SIGHS)
It doesn't matter who it was.
Oh, my God, it is him, isn't it?
So, all of Ruben's suspicion
around this, it's justified.
It's not justified, Niall.
There's no excuse
to treat me the way he has,
regardless of what I've done.
You've fucking
driven him insane!
-He pushed me there!
-Oh, really?
Did he push your hand
on his cock as well?
Do you know what, Niall?
I don't think this has anything
to do with Ruben
or anything like that.
This is to do with the fact
you've realized
you're not as special
as you thought you were.
Now, nip out, will you?
I need to get my glam on.
We can talk
about this another time.
(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
INSTRUCTOR:
Newborns get very cold.
So, the first thing to do
is minimize the amount of time
that they're undressed.
But the best thing to do is--
-Oh, mayday, mayday.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
INSTRUCTOR: We have a fully
clothed baby drowning. (LAUGHS)
Niall Kennedy.
You have the right
to remain silent.
-Anything you do say--
-Oh, why don't you fuck off?
Okay, so the best thing to do
-AVA: What was that?
-He's a prick.
-Go back and apologize.
-(SCOFFS) No chance.
He should be apologizing to me.
I pay the man.
He has no right to talk to me
the way he does.
Well, I pay you, so I can talk
to you the way I want then.
You're a disgrace,
Niall Kennedy,
a child in man's clothing.
Yeah, yeah, you can shout
at me tomorrow.
I'm shouting at you now!
I'm staying at my sister's
so you can bloody think
about what you've done here.
Because you don't get
to steal my money
and fuck up
these classes as well.
And trust me,
if you do it again,
-your visits will be supervised.
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Last fucking chance.
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-RUBEN: (OVER VOICEMAIL)
Yo, it's Ruben.
Leave a message.
Yo, it's Ruben. Leave a message.
Yo, it's Ruben. Leave a message.
(SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT)
-(VOICEMAIL BEEPS)
-NIALL: Ruben, it's Niall.
I I know that you're offshore
right now,
but but I I found out
some information on Benji,
and, uh
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Look, I tell you what,
I'm coming to Aberdeen.
(MUSIC SWELLS, FADES) ♪
Hi. Yeah, hi. Uh
I'm wondering if I could speak
to, uh, Ruben Pallister.
Uh I'm his brother,
and I I, uh
I really need to get in touch
with him somehow.
-Ruben Pallister?
-Yeah.
Never heard of him.
Oh, yeah, uh,
he-- he's he's a rigger here.
But he comes in here
for payroll stuff
every now and again,
I don't know.
But, I mean, he, uh I mean,
he definitely works here.
Here, Bill.
Do you Do you know
a Ruben Pallister?
Oh, Pallie.
Is that who you mean?
Aye, yeah.
Yeah, I remember him.
He got let go of ages ago.
Wait, what?
No, no (FALTERS)
But that can't be,
'cause, I I mean, he's
No, I mean,
he's offshore right now, no?
I can check for you. Um
(TYPING)
No, no Ruben Pallister here.
Right. Uh
Well, uh
(HESITATES) Do you know where
I might be able to find him?
I mean, I think he's staying
with an old colleague here.
-A guy called Roy.
-Okay. Uh Well
Do you have his address?
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(INTRIGUING INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Ruben!
(PANTS) Ruben! Ruben, wait!
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
There you go.
Talk to me.
They're telling me
you've been sacked.
Well, if that's
what they're saying.
How long ago was this?
About a year ago.
A year?
But you're up here all the time.
Yeah, well, I had
to keep up the pretense
while I figured out what to do.
It's why my phone's
been off as well.
Jesus, Ruben.
What happened?
Nothing. It was HR bullshit.
My fucking supervisor
was pressing me
and I lashed out.
It wasn't even that bad.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
Just put him up
against the wall,
threatened to kill his family.
I was gone within a week.
I don't understand. A year ago,
you were lending me money.
Yeah, well, I maxed out a ton
of credit cards keeping it up.
What?
-And you did that for me?
-I did that for everyone.
Why?
Because I liked it.
I like being the provider.
I knew my place in the world.
So, that's why you've been
asking for it all back?
RUBEN: Hmm.
(EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You can't keep
doing this, though.
-You need to declare bankruptcy.
-(LAUGHS) Nah, fuck that.
Men don't declare bankruptcy.
Don't be ridiculous.
I just need to find a new job.
But it's hard.
Prison sentence and all that.
I mean, come on.
What kind of man would I be
if on top of not being able
to give her kids,
I couldn't pay
the mortgage as well?
And you know the worst part
about all this?
You were totally right.
You said back in that hospital
that I'd fuck it up.
And I did.
So, you can have
your popcorn, Niall.
I hope it tastes sweet.
Well, it doesn't, Ruben.
I can assure you that.
She can't find out, son.
She can't find out.
NIALL: But, Ruben, you surely
can't do this forever.
She's not worth this.
She's not worth
a lifetime of debt.
She is, mate.
She's worth that and more
and everything in between.
Listen to me.
All right? I'm begging you.
Don't say a word.
Not to her, not to anyone.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Look, please, brother.
Do this for me.
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You won't tell anyone, will you?
No.
Of course.
For all that
we've been through
I still trust you
more than anyone.
(SOBS)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hi, honey.
Come in.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
AVA: What's your excuse
this time?
I was with a male prostitute.
Oh.
Any good?
No.
Not really.
(DARK, PENSIVE MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
Couldn't relax.
Did you cum?
Yeah, but I, uh
you know
wasn't relaxed.
I can't even.
(DOOR OPENS)
-(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SOBS)
(SNIFFLES)
(SOBS)
(SNIFFLES)
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
NIALL: What is it?
Can we sit down?
I need to talk
to you about something.
NIALL: It's late.
RUBEN: Let's go in here.
You know something.
-What do you mean?
-You know something.
I turned on my phone.
Got your voicemail.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Something happened
when I was gone.
Something to do with Benji.
NIALL: Oh, no. I, uh
got the wrong end of the stick.
You know I have other means
of getting it out of you.
It's in your head.
I swear.
No.
Someone's changed her.
I can feel it
in the space between us.
She's off somehow.
There's no proof, Ruben.
I went back home
before I came here.
I found my dressing gown
on the floor in my office.
It smelled
of someone else, uh
I couldn't place it.
(MUSIC BUILDS) ♪
-Well, I don't know
the extent of it.
-(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
-Motherfucker!
-Wait, I didn't say anything!
Ruben, you didn't let me finish!
-RUBEN: I didn't need to!
-NIALL: Wait.
-RUBEN: Fucking hell! (GRUNTS)
-NIALL: Ruben!
-Ruben, wait!
-(DARK, INTENSE
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(HORN HONKING)
-(LINE RINGING)
The address!
I need the fucking address!
-MONA: Wait, what?
Which address?
-Well, for fucking Benji!
-Ruben's on his way there now!
-MONA: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
-Okay,
it's Blanchard Street, 16.
-Okay.
Okay. Fuck!
(SINGER VOCALIZING) ♪
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SOUND BECOMES MUFFLED)
-(RUBEN GRUNTING)
-(SOUND ECHOES)
-(THUDDING)
-(RUBEN SCREAMING)
(YELLING, GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
-(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
-(SCREAMS WILDLY)
-(SCREAM ECHOES)
-(SINGER VOCALIZING) ♪
(OMINOUS MUSIC RESUMES) ♪
(UNSETTLING STRING
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
("SISTER EUROPE" BY
THE PSYCHEDELIC FURS PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER, CHEERING)
(GUESTS LAUGHING)
-GUEST: How do you know
the groom?
-Oh, he's my brother.
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
-Wait here.
-No. Niall!
-(GUEST LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
Oh, here he comes. Look at this.
You coming for a dance, are you?
-(CHUCKLES)
-Why are you here?
-Nice to see you too, Bambi.
-Don't fucking call me that!
Why are you here?
Not like this.
Let's go somewhere private.
Fine.
(UPBEAT FOLK
MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
(MUSIC BUILDS) ♪
(MUSIC ECHOES, FADES) ♪
(HEARTBEAT THUMPING
OVER MONITOR)
AVA: So, it's definite?
MIDWIFE: Yes, madam.
All looking good here.
But that can't be.
I mean, I've been told
I can't get pregnant.
I've been told
it would never happen.
Well, I've been doing this
for 20 years
and I can safely say you are.
Around nine weeks,
to be precise.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
So, do you guys
have any questions?
It Yeah,
I mean, what happens now?
Well, I think you need
to start planning.
This is a geriatric pregnancy,
and you need to limit anything
which causes stress
in your life.
Jesus, Niall! You're gonna
have to move out then.
(CHUCKLES)
And that machine's trustworthy,
is it?
Excuse me?
NIALL KENNEDY: It's just
you hear stories, don't you?
You know, people getting scanned
and there actually being
nothing in there at all,
like a a phantom pregnancy,
I think it's called,
something which isn't there
but its presence is
is felt.
I'll have a phantom relationship
if you keep talking.
No, rest assured,
Mr. Kennedy, this is very real.
And something
you need to plan for,
regardless of what you decide
to do.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
MIDWIFE:
I'll leave you guys to chat.
-It's bad luck, at least.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
AVA: We have sex, like,
once in six months
and I get pregnant.
Just think about it, Niall.
All the crying and screaming
and mood swings.
And then there's the baby
to think about.
-(SCOFFS)
-(CHUCKLES)
You can be honest
with me, you know.
-About what?
-About whether you want this.
Go on. Free pass. No judgment.
NIALL:
God, I don't know. I mean
Are you saying
you want to do it?
I think so.
I'm 42.
Been told
I could never have kids.
This genuinely might be
my last chance to be unhappy.
-(CHUCKLES)
-(LAUGHS)
But, hey, Niall, silver linings.
At least it's a short commute
to work for me today.
I'll see you later on. (KISSES)
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
Oh, wait.
Are you still on for dinner
with Ruben and Mona later?
That's today, is it? Christ!
They're not gonna be
all over each other again
-like last time, are they?
-No, I don't think so.
I've spoken to them about that.
Then fine, I'll be there.
Bye, Niall.
Or should I say "Daddy"?
(CHUCKLES)
(INTRIGUING INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Oh, you're fucking gorgeous,
aren't you?
(CHUCKLES, KISSES)
And this neck.
I could fucking eat this neck.
-Just be a fucking head
-(LAUGHS)
and some shoulders.
(RUBEN PALLISTER LAUGHS, KISSES)
(BOTH CONTINUE KISSING)
(NIALL CLEARS THROAT)
Sorry, uh, what were you saying?
Oh, I was just talking
about Greece
potentially heading out
the Eurozone
and going back to the Drachma.
Right, yeah. Shite.
Look, uh, shall we call it here?
It's getting dark soon.
Hey, no way! I haven't asked
Niall about his new book yet.
Oh, fuck me.
Yeah,
let's call it here, Ruben.
-I'll order you guys a taxi.
-Go ahead, Niall.
I'm listening.
What's this one about?
Well, it's
a semi-autobiographical story
about a young boy who's--
Good Lord, he's starting.
Hurry it up, Ruben.
I'm texting as quick as I can.
Don't worry.
-(LAUGHS)
-Yeah, brilliant.
-(RUBEN LAUGHS)
-Oh, stop.
We're just having banter.
You know, one day I'll have
a partner that respects me.
-Wow. Can't wait to meet her.
-(LAUGHS)
Fucking love this girl. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)
Right. Driver says
he's five minutes away.
I'll walk you out.
Can you believe it?
Drinking fucking wine
out in the garden
like a couple
of posh cunts. (LAUGHS)
-(NIALL LAUGHS)
-RUBEN: Where we've come from.
-Fuck me.
-NIALL: I know.
RUBEN: Oh, man, look.
I know I joke, but I just wanted
to say, proud of you.
I remember when we met back up,
you were fucking
rock-bottom, man,
now look at you.
Good girl, nice house,
new book, massive cock.
That's always a constant.
-(LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
When do you think
you'll be done by?
With the writing?
Oh, not long, I wouldn't say.
It's the final push.
Just Just figuring out
the ending.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, a book's gonna need
an ending, isn't it?
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Why do you ask?
Well, look, I, um
I hate to do this, but I'm
I'm gonna need
that money back I lent you.
-What, all of it?
-Yeah, fucking all of it.
Jesus, Ruben, it's 30 grand.
Can't we just wait six months
until the launch bonus
comes through?
No chance. Just write the ending
and get the book done.
-Any ending will do.
-Oh, come on, Ruben.
I mean, that'd be compromising
my artistic integrity.
You'll feel
a lot better about it
when I'm compromising
your health.
-Okay, that was harsh.
-Don't need to apologize.
I didn't.
(DOOR OPENS)
MONA SHIELS:
Don't forget his bag.
-(LAUGHS) Oh, thank you.
-(MONA SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Yeah, lovely to see you.
Look, can we chat
about this another time?
-I don't want Ava to hear.
-How?
She knows you owe me this money.
NIALL: Yeah, it's just
She thinks
I paid you back already.
But you didn't pay me back.
I know.
Fuck me.
You stole 30K
from your girlfriend?
Stole it from her dad.
RUBEN:
Still, that's fucking insane.
What on earth
did you spend it on?
It doesn't matter.
It's nothing important.
Well, clearly more important
than paying me back.
Are you seriously telling me
you had my money
and kept it all for yourself?
Yeah.
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I'm sorry.
You shouldn't
have told me that, Niall.
You really
shouldn't have told me that.
-It's just weird.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
He earns a hundred grand a year.
What does he need it for?
I don't know, Niall.
Why don't you tell me
your theory,
so I can use it to point out
your character flaws?
-He's fucking with me.
-Brilliant.
To get me back for prison.
By asking it back
at a pivotal career moment.
Oh, please.
He gets you back
for screwing him over
by giving you the equivalent
of a semi-detached?
I didn't screw him over.
We've been through this.
We screwed each other over.
-That's what we settled on.
-Still pretty long,
arduous, expensive
fucking with you, isn't it?
Lending you money and knowing
he will never get it back?
When breaking your fingers
is so cheap.
No, I'm telling you.
This is what he does.
Niall, he's done more for you
than anyone
these past few years.
He kept you going financially.
After you practically cleared me
out of house and home
with your nonsense.
I think your problem
is you still think of him
as the boy you grew up with.
Just talk to him.
Take him somewhere he enjoys.
Catch him at a good moment.
He'll be fine.
He'll wait another six months.
I promise you.
He's big and fluffy
underneath it all, really.
-(ARCADE GAME ALARM BLARING)
-RUBEN: Motherfucker!
I just find it
fucking ridiculous.
Get this. Mona said last night
she wants to start
teaching dance classes.
Have you ever heard
of anything so fucking stupid?
-(SPEED BAG THUDS)
-(ALARM BLARING)
I asked her
what she'd get from it.
You know what she said?
Self-empowerment.
It's pathetic. She's my wife.
She should take
all her power from me.
-(SPEED BAG THUDS)
-RUBEN: I've spoiled her rotten,
and now she's telling me
she needs a life
when I've given her
the best one around.
It's fucking rude,
is what it is.
And I don't trust the cunt
that's asking her either.
Benji. Fucking Uncle Rico twat.
He has ill intentions,
and it pisses me off.
I want to go down there
and crack his head open,
dance on his fucking brains.
Anyway, what do you want
to speak to me about?
Oh, just this money business.
Oh, fuck me.
Is that why we're here?
Soften me with soft toys?
Well, I thought
it would be nice.
Yeah,
you're paying me back, Niall.
-That's not fair.
-"Not fair"?
You know, you're the only cunt
in the world
who could borrow 30K
and then make
the other cunt feel unreasonable
for asking it back.
Yeah, but can't can't we
come up with some sort of
system instead?
Sure, you can pay me back
800 a month.
(SCOFFS) Impossible.
I mean, I could do 200
at a press.
No, it's not enough.
NIALL: Well, then I'm out
of options, Ruben.
Short of giving up on my dreams,
and I'm not willing to do that.
Come on, Niall.
They've given up on you.
-Okay, that was harsh.
-Don't need to apologize.
I fucking didn't.
Look, I'm not a monster,
all right?
There are other ways
of doing this.
What other ways?
Well, I pay a gardener
and a cleaner 15 pound an hour.
I can let them go,
you can pick up the slack,
deduct it from the total.
You want me to be your bitch?
Hey, Mr. Radeem
is nobody's bitch.
But that's one way of doing it.
Couple of times a week,
we can call it 200 a month.
Add it to the 200,
that's 400 total.
-I can stomach that for now.
-NIALL: Yeah, but, Ruben, Jesus.
I'm not sure
I feel comfortable with that.
I mean
do you feel comfortable
with that?
Yeah. I think I can live
with it. (CHEWING)
(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC BUILDS) ♪
-(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)
-(GRUNTS)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Oh.
Hi.
Care to join?
Sure.
I hate that
he's making you do this.
-So, where is he?
-MONA: God knows.
Stalking through the night.
I take it you suggested
these dance classes again.
Is that right?
Yep.
-He stormed straight out.
-NIALL: I see.
Are you gonna defy him?
Nah.
Can't start World War III
over a few twirls.
Maybe you could write a chapter
in your book about me going?
I can read it
and it'll be like I'm there.
Oh, it wouldn't be
what you're looking for.
-I haven't danced in my life.
-Oh, come on now.
Scottish Country Dancing
at school?
-Oh, piss off!
-(LAUGHS)
NIALL: Most embarrassing
experience of my life.
Nobody would dance with me.
Meanwhile,
Ruben had about five women
-hanging off of him.
-(LAUGHS)
That's our boy.
Yeah.
I miss that Ruben, you know?
Yeah.
Me too. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
What do you think happened?
It's men.
They always fall away with time.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Look, I'd better head off,
actually.
Ava will be wondering.
You go, tiger.
(CELL PHONE CHIMING, BUZZING)
Oh, I forgot to say
I remember you dancing
back at school.
-It's hard to describe, but
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
I remember you
just being so
(INHALES SHAKILY)
free.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
-NIALL: Ruben?
-What'd you say to her?
NIALL: Excuse me?
She's taking
her first class tonight!
Something about how she looked
dancing back at school.
NIALL:
Oh, it was just a comment.
Well, what are you doing
commenting?
She was just about to back out
of the whole fucking thing.
Ruben, I really don't think
this is a big deal.
Yes, it is. You fucked me.
Because now instead
of stopping her hobby,
I'm stifling her freedom.
I don't see
what the problem is here.
The problem is
that she used to stay at home
all day and wait for me.
Now I get back
and she's out there
throwing her fucking body about.
So? There's nothing wrong
with enjoying
a bit of attention.
I mean, if you've got it,
flaunt it, that's what I say.
Hey, hey, hey.
She hasn't got it.
We're married.
I've fucking got it.
It's not hers to flaunt,
it's mine to keep.
Are you taking your meds, Ruben?
I'll fucking take all of them
if you don't sort this out.
Well, what do you want me to do?
I want you to go down
the dance class
and keep an eye on her.
You want me to stalk your wife?
No, I don't want you
to stalk my wife, Niall.
Jesus Christ!
Just stay close to her.
Trace her movements.
Follow her around
the place a bit.
But don't stalk her.
I don't know, Ruben.
This all feels a bit
-off to me.
-Oh, I don't know.
You've done worse
than this before, have you not?
I mean, maybe we can go upstairs
to Ava, let her decide.
Or her father.
But what? Are you expecting me
to, like join in?
Yeah, why not?
If you're so pro it,
maybe you'll find freedom
in it too.
And stop her drinking.
She always spills her guts
when she drinks.
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(NIALL SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
MONA: Fuck's sake!
Christ.
("ALL THE LOVERS"
BY KYLIE MINOGUE PLAYING) ♪
It's all I wanna do
So won't you dance? ♪
MONA: Okay, guys,
shall we begin?
Why won't you move? ♪
I'll get inside your groove ♪
'Cause I'm on fire
Fire, fire, fire ♪
Okay, we're going deep squat.
Ready?
Three, two, one.
-(SONG FADES) ♪
-(PANTS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(WHISPERS) Well done.
I loved the class.
-I know. How was it?
-Yeah. (LAUGHS)
Everyone was moving.
I'm sweating so much right now.
-(LAUGHS)
-(MONA LAUGHS)
-Me too. Or I was. It was great.
-BENJI THOMSON: Well done.
-Let me give you a hug.
-MONA: Oh.
-(LAUGHS)
-(BENJI LAUGHS)
-(BOTH WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
-(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-I'm sorry.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
You know what Ruben's like
when he gets persuasive.
Yeah, I do, actually,
which is why I'm not giving
into it this time.
I'll get to 60
and realize I've spent
my life in his pockets.
I mean, is this really
all about dancing?
No.
Goes a lot deeper than that.
-Well, go on. You can say.
-No, I can't.
It'll destroy him.
Well, how about a drink instead?
-What? (LAUGHS)
-(NIALL LAUGHS)
He asked how old you were?
NIALL: Yeah,
this random dude.
Told me it's great
to see me going for it
at my age. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS) That's insane.
What did you say?
-I told him I was 30. (LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
That's nuts, Niall.
You look like a prisoner of war.
I feel like a prisoner of war.
You fucking will be
if you turn up
at my dance classes again,
I tell you.
I'm sorry, Mona.
I'll stay away.
I need to anyway.
Ava's starting to think
I'm avoiding her.
Why would you be avoiding her?
("WHEN I'M SMALL"
BY PHANTOGRAM PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
(SIGHS)
Well, she's pregnant,
as it happens.
Wow. Congrats. That's quick.
-Yeah.
-What's wrong? You doubting it?
Mm.
We've been together a year
-and we barely know each other.
-Well, I would say that's better
than knowing everything
about someone.
NIALL: Yeah, maybe.
Just makes me question
if it's real, you know?
MONA: Hmm.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY, CLICKS TONGUE)
Ruben is gonna go radge
when he finds out
-Ava's pregnant.
-Oh, yeah? Why's that?
He's infertile.
-What?
-Well, low fertility,
but it's pretty much
the same thing.
Is this why
he's been so jealous?
Yeah.
He thinks
I'm gonna leave him for a man
that can give me all he can't.
-Wow. Ruben?
-Why is this so shocking?
It's just for a man
that leads with his balls
That's not funny.
No. Sorry.
Have you talked about adopting?
Once, but Ruben tore
the kitchen sink off the wall.
I don't think you realize
how bad it is.
It's like he's lost his mind
to the whole thing.
He gets drunk and talks
about how having a kid
is "God's plan" for him
so he can "break the cycle."
What do you think
he means by that?
Christ knows.
I just think he wants a kid
he can care for
because his dad
didn't treat him so nice.
(FAINTLY) Yeah.
But anyway,
let's change the subject.
-This is depressing. (LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS) Yeah.
To our fucked-up relationships.
To our fucked-up lives.
-(LAUGHS)
-(NIALL LAUGHS)
-Oh, I love it.
-(GLASSES CLINK)
-(GIGGLES)
-(SONG FADES) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV)
AVA: Jesus, Niall.
(TV TURNS OFF)
Where on earth have you been?
I think we should do it.
I think we should have
a baby together.
-(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(SCOFFS, GASPS)
-(LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
(BOTH KISS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
Ava's pregnant, and we're
gonna make a go of it.
-Oh, yeah?
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Is that it? "Oh, yeah?"
I was just waiting
for the caveat.
No, there's no caveat.
We're doing this.
-I told her last night.
-When did she get pregnant?
I found out a week ago.
Well, that doesn't sound
very certain to me.
Well, I was just
thinking it through.
Ava and I are still very new,
and it's a big thing to put
at the center of things.
(SCOFFS)
You can say that again.
I mean, it's hard enough
without everything else.
-"Everything else," as in?
-Your sexuality.
That's over, Mum.
I've told you this.
Is it, though?
I find it very convenient
you find your straight side
the second Ruben is back
in your life.
How many times? It was a phase.
(SCOFFS)
It wasn't a phase, Niall.
-It was a serious problem.
-Well, then how come it stopped?
Because you enlisted
the services of a priest.
Nobody pays that much money
to get themselves out
-of a bloody phase.
-NIALL: He wasn't a priest.
He was a
spiritual figure.
He was a charlatan
and you're a div.
Well, it worked, didn't it?
Oh, bollocks did it.
Do you really think
your sexuality can be done away
with a few cups of poison?
Don't be daft, Niall. Jesus!
NIALL: Well, then how come
I haven't done anything
-since then?
-(LORI KENNEDY SIGHS)
Because you haven't
been tested yet.
Trust me. It will creep up
on you in your darkest hour.
These things always do.
Jesus Christ,
just stop it, will you?
You should be happy for me.
I am happy, love.
I'm just trying to make you see
the full picture.
Can you honestly look me
in the eye
and say you're certain
you want a child?
Yes, Mum. Yes, I can.
Well, then do it.
I'm certain.
LORI: Hmm.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
The thing to forget
is anything the books tell you.
Truth is, it can take a while
for that bond to form,
particularly for the dads.
Excuse me.
It's, uh, Niall, isn't it?
Yeah.
INSTRUCTOR:
What did I just say?
Uh Something to do
with the dads?
Yes.
Very nearly a full sentence.
-(LAUGHS)
-(ALL LAUGH)
(CHUCKLES)
INSTRUCTOR: Just that
it is natural for the dad
to take longer
to connect to the baby.
Fucking twat.
"What did I just say?"
Like I'm some schoolkid.
He just wants to make sure
everyone's moving
-at the same pace.
-Yeah, he always looks at me
when he makes
the negative points, though.
Well, you give off the vibe
of an absent father, to be fair.
-How do I?
-Runs in the family.
Your father was
an absent father, was he not?
-He died.
-Exactly.
You don't get much more absent
than that, do you?
-(LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)
AVA: Oh, Jesus, what now?
NIALL: What the fuck
is he doing here?
-(HAND BRAKE CLICKS)
-(ENGINE SHUTS OFF)
NIALL: Ruben?
What are you doing here?
-I just need a word.
-Everything okay?
We'll be fine. (SIGHS)
Just give us a second, will you?
(KEYS JANGLING)
The other night.
Dance class.
I want to know what you saw.
I didn't see anything.
Was Benji there?
Yeah, I think so.
What happened?
Nothing.
-They talked?
-NIALL: Yeah.
Well, then something happened,
didn't it?
Well, a talk
doesn't mean anything.
Describe it.
The interaction.
Well, he went up
at the end of the class.
-They hugged--
-They hugged?
-NIALL: Yeah.
-They fucking hugged.
-Motherfucker!
-Ruben, that is too-- (SHUSHES)
That's too far! It was a
It was
It was like a friendly hug.
-Do it on me.
-NIALL: No.
-I can't indulge this--
-The hug. Do it on me.
Okay, I'm Mona. You're Benji.
Do it on me.
-Come on.
-Well, it was just like
She may as well
have sucked his cock!
-NIALL: This is insane!
-No, it's not. Okay?
I want you to do better here,
moving forward.
I can't keep doing this.
I can't. I have a life.
What fucking life do you have?
-You're practically unemployed.
-Well, even so,
I'm not gonna spend it
spying on your wife.
Tough shit!
When you get yourself a life,
you can complain
I'm pulling you from it.
So, you're fucking doing this,
all right?
'Cause I've got
your fucking balls, Bambi.
Don't forget it, yeah?
Yeah? Do you understand?
-Do you understand?
-Yes.
Good.
Good.
Is there anything else
you need to say? Hmm?
Yeah.
Uh
Ava's pregnant.
Huh.
Wow.
Wow.
That's amazing.
Honestly, that's, uh
That's amazing. (LAUGHS WEAKLY)
I'm gonna be an uncle.
(FORCES LAUGHTER)
Hey? (LAUGHS) Uncle Rube.
Hey, it's got a nice ring to it.
Yeah.
I'll be the cunt
that comes round
and does the coin trick
behind the ear, huh? (LAUGHS)
You're not allowed
to teach him it.
Hey, that's my trick, yeah?
You big fucking shagger.
Yeah? I'm proud of you.
My brother
from another lover, yeah?
Putting your fucking dick
to work.
(LAUGHS) Hey, hey. Hey.
They should put it
in museums, shouldn't they?
Your cock on display, yeah?
Can you imagine?
Big fucking dick
with a strong seed.
All the people in the museum
wandering around, looking over.
(LAUGHING MADLY) I bet never
in a million years
would they think it was strapped
to a fucking body this meek.
Yeah, or a face
this fucking scrawny, hey?
I bet they thought
it'd be strapped
to some fucking
big bison of a cunt,
some fucking, like,
Greek muscly fucker,
some fucking Russian cunt, yeah?
-(LAUGHS) Yeah? Hey, hey.
-Don't--
Hey, why don't you show me it,
yeah?
-Fuck it, hey?
-(YELPS)
-Come on, show me, hey?
-NIALL: Don't--
RUBEN: Hey.
Niall, show me. Show me.
-Show me, hey?
-Ruben, don't!
RUBEN: I just wanna catch
a glimpse. Come on, mate.
-NIALL: Don't-- Get off!
-Hey. Hey. Hey. No, no.
It's like a fucking trophy,
isn't it, hey?
-Hey, hey, fucking show me.
-(NIALL GROANS)
RUBEN: (LAUGHING) Yeah. Come on.
Come on, Niall, hey?
It's like a big fucking trophy,
isn't it?
-Hey.
-NIALL: Get off!
RUBEN: Come on, Niall, yeah?
Yeah? Come on, Niall.
-Come on, it's for fucking--
-No!
RUBEN: Come on, Niall.
Get it out, yeah?
-What the fuck are you doing?
-(RUBEN GRUNTS)
Yeah? No, no, no,
come on, come on, come on.
-Come on, I want to see
the big fucking shagging
-No! Fucking get off!
-impregnating fucking piece.
-NIALL: Ruben, stop!
RUBEN: You're gonna
do better for me moving forward,
are you, yeah?
You're gonna fucking keep
an eye on her.
You're gonna fucking keep
an eye on her, are you?
-Huh? Yeah?
-(SCREAMS) Stop it!
-Huh?
-Get off!
-Yeah? (GROANS)
-AVA: Ruben!
-(NIALL PANTS)
-(RUBEN PANTS)
What the hell's going on here?
(PANTS)
(PANTS)
Nothing.
We're just messing around.
Look, it's getting late, yeah,
so maybe you can come back
another time.
(PANTS)
(PANTS)
You big fucking shagger.
(LAUGHS)
-(SHOUTS) You big shagger! Yes!
-(DARK, PENSIVE
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
-(VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING)
-(DOOR CLOSES)
(VACUUM CLEANER STOPS)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
-Hey, mister.
-Hey.
Where's Ruben?
He left this morning
for Aberdeen.
He'll be offshore next week,
so we'll all get a bit
of peace from him. (CHUCKLES)
Do you fancy some soup?
I'm going to put a pot on.
-Sure. I'll just finish up here.
-No, you won't.
You've got
more important work to do.
Follow me.
You're probably the first person
to use this.
I was thinking you could write
some of your book
and read me it later.
Here's the Wi-Fi code.
And if you get chilly,
Ruben's dressing gown's
on the back of the door.
I'm excited to read some.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-(DOOR OPENS)
-Here you go.
-It's a bit hot.
-Oh, thanks.
MONA: Go on, then.
-Read me some.
-Oh, no, no. (LAUGHS)
I'll feel self-conscious.
Well, I'll close my eyes, then.
You can whisper to me.
-(CHUCKLES)
-(CHUCKLES)
(CLEARS THROAT)
"Billy looked up to Cosmo,
who was everything he was not.
He had a violent,
unafraid quality,
like he could go off
any time somehow."
Sounds like Ruben.
(BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY)
"He was tall, slim,
with jet-black hair,
and seemed to have
a succession of girls
throwing themselves
at him constantly,
all of whom he would brush off
without a single care
in the world.
Apart from Kara Alice,
the top girl
in the whole school.
-(MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Every boy fancied her.
She had this rare,
wispy quality,
like she was
unattainable somehow.
And Billy didn't know
whether it was youth
or good looks
or adolescent projection
on his part, but she"
Uh
Keep going.
"she walked
like fairy dust
as though brightening
every corner of the school."
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
(GASPS) Well,
I don't know about you
but I'm feeling every inch
of this book. (CHUCKLES)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(RUBEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
-AVA: It's honestly fine.
-Ruben? What the hell?
I thought you were going
to Aberdeen today.
Yeah, I'm
I'm going in a minute.
I just came round
to drop these off.
Say congratulations.
Sit.
(NIALL CLEARS THROAT)
Look, I
I wouldn't be a man if I didn't
come round and say
I'm happy for you.
You know, Ava
you're going to be a great mum.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
And, Niall, you're going
to be a dad.
But I'm also coming round
to say that I'm calling
in my debts.
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Ruben, don't do this.
-What debts?
-Niall owes me 30K.
AVA: What?
I thought you paid that.
-Why are you doing this, Ruben?
-Because once you have a kid,
you'll never have the money
to pay me back.
Niall, what's going on here?
Is this because Ava's pregnant?
What makes you say
that, brother?
I'm happy for you.
No, it's just I know
you've been trying really hard.
She told you?
She fucking told you?
-(SHOUTS) She fucking told you!
-Ruben, wait, wait!
She fucking told you!
I'll fucking kill her!
-I'll fucking kill her!
-AVA: Oh, my God, Niall.
-Are you okay?
-(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
-I need to go after him.
-No, no you don't.
-Niall, you might be concussed.
-No, I have to.
-No.
-I have to go.
-Niall, no.
-Ava!
-No!
-Let me go.
-(ECHOING) Niall!
-(MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪
-Oh, shit!
-(MUSIC SOFTENS) ♪
-RUBEN: Get your fucking shit
-MONA: Ruben. Ruben, stop. Wait!
-RUBEN: out my fucking house!
-MONA: Wait,
we can talk about this, Ruben.
-RUBEN: I can't believe you.
I fucking can't believe you.
-MONA: Ruben, please!
-RUBEN: Fucking telling him
my shit.
-Please! Why are you doing this?
(GRUNTS) I told you, didn't I?
I fucking told you.
-MONA: Let's talk about this.
-What the hell's going on?
This is what you get. It's her!
-Telling my shit to people!
-NIALL: Ruben, stop.
RUBEN: Shouting her mouth off
at people!
Ruben, stop before someone calls
the police. Stop it.
-That's not yours to give away!
-NIALL: Stop it!
Do you understand?
I fucking told you!
NEIGHBOR:
Is there a problem here?
-Shut the fuck up!
-Ruben, stop.
-Shut the fuck up.
-Ruben, stop!
-You fat cunt!
You want some, yeah?
-(GRUNTS) Look
-You fat fucking cunt!
-Ruben, look at me!
-Walk away! Walk away!
-Look at me!
-Look at me! Stop it!
-Yeah, what you looking at?
-Stop it! Hey, look at me!
-Yeah, you fucking walk away!
You're gonna lose everything
if you don't fuck off right now!
Look at what you've built.
Look at what you've got.
If they call the police,
you're gonna lose it all
and you're gonna end up
back in prison.
-(PANTS)
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
-MONA: Ruben, I'm sorry.
-Don't even go there.
-MONA: I'm so--
-Don't even fucking go there.
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
-(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
-(ENGINE STARTS)
-(PANTS)
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MONA SNIFFLES)
(SOBS)
Fuck!
What did you say to him?
(SIGHS) I'm so sorry, Mona.
He forced it out of me.
Are you okay?
-Are you all right?
-Look what he's done.
I know. I know.
I didn't know he'd do this.
Why don't we get you
back inside, all right?
-Yeah.
-And I'll fix this. Okay.
Come on.
Let's go. Let's go.
We'll get everything cleaned up.
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
(SOBS, SNIFFLES)
Hey.
Hey, what's wrong?
(SNIFFLES) Fuck. It's my life.
I know I should leave him
but I just
love him so much.
I know he can't help it.
But it's killing me.
(SIGHS)
Look, I feel like
I'm betraying him here
by saying this, but
you deserve better.
I love Ruben.
But he's lost his mind.
He's away with the fairies now.
In fact, even the fairies
have had enough of him.
(LAUGHS)
(KISSES)
No.
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC BUILDS) ♪
(BOTH PANT)
(NIALL GRUNTS)
-(NIALL GRUNTS)
-(MONA BREATHES HEAVILY)
(NIALL GRUNTS)
(MONA MOANS)
-(NIALL GRUNTS)
-(MONA GASPS)
(NIALL CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(BOTH BREATHE HEAVILY)
(MONA PANTS)
(MUSIC TURNS TENSE) ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
AVA: Jesus Christ!
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
AVA: Don't apologize.
Just tell me
what the hell is going on.
No, I am. I'm
(SOBS) I'm sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.
What happened
with the money, Niall?
-NIALL: I can't say.
-Yes, you can.
That was my dad's money.
I need to know
what you spent it on.
Niall?
-What did you spend it on?
-I did these courses.
I did these
(HESITATES)
straightening-me-out type
courses.
What?
That's not okay, Niall.
(LOW, SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
What did they do?
(SNIFFLES)
(SNIFFLES) I drank stuff.
Looked at images.
Threw up a bit.
(SCOFFS)
What, and you spent 30K on this?
NIALL: No.
No, he asked for direct debit
and then he emptied my account.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Niall.
Why can't you just be happy
with that side of yourself?
It's the 21st century.
Nobody cares anymore.
It doesn't make me feel
any better.
I mean, the fact that the world
is progressing
only adds to the problem
because not only am I ashamed
-bloody irrational too.
-AVA: I get that.
But when you told me,
I said it didn't matter.
As long as it didn't interfere
with our relationship.
Besides, everyone
who matters knows.
Your mum knows. I know.
Christ, from what I understand,
every truck driver
in Glasgow knows.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(SNIFFLES)
-I don't see why it's a problem.
-Because I don't know!
Look, you need to get some help.
Some proper help.
Because I don't have it in me
to fix someone
who won't show me their parts.
NIALL: I will.
I don't know where to start.
Start with the biggest thing
and work back from there.
(PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
NIALL: Mona, look,
I just wanted to pop round
and see how you were, really.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
-MONA: Yeah, fine, I suppose.
It was a
a moment of madness, but
I don't think
we should get worked up over it
or punish ourselves.
Yeah, I agree.
So, are you feeling, like
okay about it?
I don't know how to feel,
if I'm honest.
I haven't allowed
any emotion in.
I'm good that way.
Yeah,
but this is pretty big, Mona.
You slept with his brother
on his kitchen floor,
the floor he tiled.
Yeah, I know.
I was there, Niall.
Sorry, Mona.
Is everything all right?
You're being a bit cold.
(SMACKS LIPS)
I'm just compartmentalizing.
-It's how I cope.
-NIALL: Yeah, I get that.
-But with his brother, Mona?
-Oh, please!
Are you really trying to get me
to realize my guilt here, Niall?
You are the brother!
Yeah, no, I know that. I just
Look, can you
not do that, please?
Jesus, Mona.
Why are you being
so chill about this?
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
If you must know
I've been here before.
What, on Ruben?
This is the first time
I've had sex behind his back.
Wait, are we talking
about Benji here?
-That twat with the mustache?
-(SIGHS)
It doesn't matter who it was.
Oh, my God, it is him, isn't it?
So, all of Ruben's suspicion
around this, it's justified.
It's not justified, Niall.
There's no excuse
to treat me the way he has,
regardless of what I've done.
You've fucking
driven him insane!
-He pushed me there!
-Oh, really?
Did he push your hand
on his cock as well?
Do you know what, Niall?
I don't think this has anything
to do with Ruben
or anything like that.
This is to do with the fact
you've realized
you're not as special
as you thought you were.
Now, nip out, will you?
I need to get my glam on.
We can talk
about this another time.
(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
INSTRUCTOR:
Newborns get very cold.
So, the first thing to do
is minimize the amount of time
that they're undressed.
But the best thing to do is--
-Oh, mayday, mayday.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
INSTRUCTOR: We have a fully
clothed baby drowning. (LAUGHS)
Niall Kennedy.
You have the right
to remain silent.
-Anything you do say--
-Oh, why don't you fuck off?
Okay, so the best thing to do
-AVA: What was that?
-He's a prick.
-Go back and apologize.
-(SCOFFS) No chance.
He should be apologizing to me.
I pay the man.
He has no right to talk to me
the way he does.
Well, I pay you, so I can talk
to you the way I want then.
You're a disgrace,
Niall Kennedy,
a child in man's clothing.
Yeah, yeah, you can shout
at me tomorrow.
I'm shouting at you now!
I'm staying at my sister's
so you can bloody think
about what you've done here.
Because you don't get
to steal my money
and fuck up
these classes as well.
And trust me,
if you do it again,
-your visits will be supervised.
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Last fucking chance.
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-RUBEN: (OVER VOICEMAIL)
Yo, it's Ruben.
Leave a message.
Yo, it's Ruben. Leave a message.
Yo, it's Ruben. Leave a message.
(SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT)
-(VOICEMAIL BEEPS)
-NIALL: Ruben, it's Niall.
I I know that you're offshore
right now,
but but I I found out
some information on Benji,
and, uh
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Look, I tell you what,
I'm coming to Aberdeen.
(MUSIC SWELLS, FADES) ♪
Hi. Yeah, hi. Uh
I'm wondering if I could speak
to, uh, Ruben Pallister.
Uh I'm his brother,
and I I, uh
I really need to get in touch
with him somehow.
-Ruben Pallister?
-Yeah.
Never heard of him.
Oh, yeah, uh,
he-- he's he's a rigger here.
But he comes in here
for payroll stuff
every now and again,
I don't know.
But, I mean, he, uh I mean,
he definitely works here.
Here, Bill.
Do you Do you know
a Ruben Pallister?
Oh, Pallie.
Is that who you mean?
Aye, yeah.
Yeah, I remember him.
He got let go of ages ago.
Wait, what?
No, no (FALTERS)
But that can't be,
'cause, I I mean, he's
No, I mean,
he's offshore right now, no?
I can check for you. Um
(TYPING)
No, no Ruben Pallister here.
Right. Uh
Well, uh
(HESITATES) Do you know where
I might be able to find him?
I mean, I think he's staying
with an old colleague here.
-A guy called Roy.
-Okay. Uh Well
Do you have his address?
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(INTRIGUING INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Ruben!
(PANTS) Ruben! Ruben, wait!
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
There you go.
Talk to me.
They're telling me
you've been sacked.
Well, if that's
what they're saying.
How long ago was this?
About a year ago.
A year?
But you're up here all the time.
Yeah, well, I had
to keep up the pretense
while I figured out what to do.
It's why my phone's
been off as well.
Jesus, Ruben.
What happened?
Nothing. It was HR bullshit.
My fucking supervisor
was pressing me
and I lashed out.
It wasn't even that bad.
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
Just put him up
against the wall,
threatened to kill his family.
I was gone within a week.
I don't understand. A year ago,
you were lending me money.
Yeah, well, I maxed out a ton
of credit cards keeping it up.
What?
-And you did that for me?
-I did that for everyone.
Why?
Because I liked it.
I like being the provider.
I knew my place in the world.
So, that's why you've been
asking for it all back?
RUBEN: Hmm.
(EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You can't keep
doing this, though.
-You need to declare bankruptcy.
-(LAUGHS) Nah, fuck that.
Men don't declare bankruptcy.
Don't be ridiculous.
I just need to find a new job.
But it's hard.
Prison sentence and all that.
I mean, come on.
What kind of man would I be
if on top of not being able
to give her kids,
I couldn't pay
the mortgage as well?
And you know the worst part
about all this?
You were totally right.
You said back in that hospital
that I'd fuck it up.
And I did.
So, you can have
your popcorn, Niall.
I hope it tastes sweet.
Well, it doesn't, Ruben.
I can assure you that.
She can't find out, son.
She can't find out.
NIALL: But, Ruben, you surely
can't do this forever.
She's not worth this.
She's not worth
a lifetime of debt.
She is, mate.
She's worth that and more
and everything in between.
Listen to me.
All right? I'm begging you.
Don't say a word.
Not to her, not to anyone.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
Look, please, brother.
Do this for me.
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You won't tell anyone, will you?
No.
Of course.
For all that
we've been through
I still trust you
more than anyone.
(SOBS)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hi, honey.
Come in.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
AVA: What's your excuse
this time?
I was with a male prostitute.
Oh.
Any good?
No.
Not really.
(DARK, PENSIVE MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
Couldn't relax.
Did you cum?
Yeah, but I, uh
you know
wasn't relaxed.
I can't even.
(DOOR OPENS)
-(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SOBS)
(SNIFFLES)
(SOBS)
(SNIFFLES)
-(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
NIALL: What is it?
Can we sit down?
I need to talk
to you about something.
NIALL: It's late.
RUBEN: Let's go in here.
You know something.
-What do you mean?
-You know something.
I turned on my phone.
Got your voicemail.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Something happened
when I was gone.
Something to do with Benji.
NIALL: Oh, no. I, uh
got the wrong end of the stick.
You know I have other means
of getting it out of you.
It's in your head.
I swear.
No.
Someone's changed her.
I can feel it
in the space between us.
She's off somehow.
There's no proof, Ruben.
I went back home
before I came here.
I found my dressing gown
on the floor in my office.
It smelled
of someone else, uh
I couldn't place it.
(MUSIC BUILDS) ♪
-Well, I don't know
the extent of it.
-(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
-Motherfucker!
-Wait, I didn't say anything!
Ruben, you didn't let me finish!
-RUBEN: I didn't need to!
-NIALL: Wait.
-RUBEN: Fucking hell! (GRUNTS)
-NIALL: Ruben!
-Ruben, wait!
-(DARK, INTENSE
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(HORN HONKING)
-(LINE RINGING)
The address!
I need the fucking address!
-MONA: Wait, what?
Which address?
-Well, for fucking Benji!
-Ruben's on his way there now!
-MONA: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
-Okay,
it's Blanchard Street, 16.
-Okay.
Okay. Fuck!
(SINGER VOCALIZING) ♪
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SOUND BECOMES MUFFLED)
-(RUBEN GRUNTING)
-(SOUND ECHOES)
-(THUDDING)
-(RUBEN SCREAMING)
(YELLING, GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
-(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
-(SCREAMS WILDLY)
-(SCREAM ECHOES)
-(SINGER VOCALIZING) ♪
(OMINOUS MUSIC RESUMES) ♪
(UNSETTLING STRING
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
("SISTER EUROPE" BY
THE PSYCHEDELIC FURS PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪