It Gets Worse (2026) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Dying is cliche.
It is the most derivative and
predictable thing a person can do.
The dead are, by definition, unremarkable.
In themselves, they are nothing.
They only matter insofar as
they affect the lives of the people
they leave behind.
They are only useful insofar as
they remind the living
that they are still alive.
It's a harrowing reminder.
Some people don't want it.
Hi. All right? Yeah.
TOM: Oh, God.
ABI: Jesus Christ.
What the fuck is he wearing?
I can't believe that's
what you're wearing, Ethan.
What? It's black.
You're wearing fucking blue.
Anyway, it's not like we knew him
that well.
Ethan! Be respectful!
He can't hear us. He's dead!
So you haven't seen him since uni?
Were you close?
Kind of friends, right? Eh
He was kind of weird.
He used to keep this pet frog
under his bed at freshers'
Guys, please! What?
You know, I don't even really know
why we're here.
Because we went to uni with him,
all right?
OK, I feel like before we go in,
can we just, like,
stop for a sec and talk,
just before we?
Guys, it's literally about to start.
I definitely think
we should just go in.
It'll take two minutes,
this conversation.
All right, look, I'll get us a seat,
cos we do not want to
get stuck in the back.
All right. All right? Yeah?
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. OK.
Jesus Christ.
It's not a fucking concert.
He didn't even know the guy.
What I wanted to say
was that I just, um
I just don't want you
to think that I care
about this whole, like,
Aaron thing or whatever.
I know the vibe's off. I know
we haven't spoken in, like, a week,
but, like, it's genuinely fine.
That's all I wanted to say.
Great. Yeah.
Told you he wouldn't care.
Cos we went on a date and we kissed.
So it's all What?
OK. I mean, that's, like
Yeah, bizarre, but
Bizarre? Um, yeah.
Shall we go in? What?
Let's go in.
When when did this happen?
The other day at that, like
What would you even call that?
Artistic circle jerk of cunts?
I don't know. Nice. Yeah.
Ethan, why are you doing this?
It's like
Doing what?
Chasing after another straight guy
just cos he shows you
the tiniest bit of attention.
Whoa!
First we had racist Finn from uni.
Then there was the Wagamama's waiter
cos he brought out your main first.
And touched my hand when he
gave it to me, but whatever. OK.
And then that Mcat dealer who was
like, sorry, like 60 years old.
He wasn't an Mcat dealer.
He just had loads of spare Mcat
Oh, OK. Stupid me.
And he gave it to me
because he was fucking
flirting with me,
which is really nice,
cos it can be expensive.
OK. And he wasn't that old.
He had grandchildren.
And, sorry, Aaron isn't straight.
He kissed me.
Yes, he is. He fucked Sam.
Oh, my God, Abi, what the fuck?
Well, didn't he?
No. We literally, like, made out,
and then he fingered me a bit.
He fingered you?
Oh, OK, that's fine then!
What are you, fucking ten? Ten?
Stop it! Fingering counts!
You care, and you regret it,
so just stop lying.
Just stop lying to each other.
Stop lying to yourselves.
It's fucking pathetic.
Lying to ourselves?
Rich coming from you.
The fuck does that mean, Ethan?
Abi, you don't love him.
You don't actually love him.
Ethan.
Sorry, but it's getting cruel.
It's hard to watch.
You don't love Tom.
You love, like
your Dyson and natural wine
and feeling like you've won.
Come on, I know you.
That's really what you think, yeah?
That's what we both think.
Babe, it's actually
getting so busy now.
Come on. Yeah.
You don't seem happy, Ab.
What, and you're dead happy,
are you?
Slinking around
after your ex-girlfriend
just so she'll show you
the tiniest bit of attention.
You left.
You left us.
You're the one who changed.
And why would I stay with yous?
It's like, "Oh, yeah,
come over and meet me flatmates",
"fucking jarg writer
and a gay psychopath."
You can't call me that.
Yes, I can.
It's your Instagram bio, Ethan.
Oh!
Yeah, walk off, as always.
The fuck is a jarg writer?
Hey. Hey.
Where is everyone?
Love you.
Love you.
It's really sad, really.
I really don't
For fuck's sake. It's fucking Emily.
Huh? Who's Emily?
Girl whose Instagram
I always show you.
She cheated her way into office
even though I got the votes.
She's fucking Hitler.
Oh, the student union ents officer, right?
Yeah, but because
she had that experience,
she got on that Oxford master's,
and then she met that fella who's,
like, Swedish royalty or whatever.
And then they got engaged
and then they moved to Brooklyn,
then she got a Tesla.
She robbed my fucking Tesla.
Yeah, it was a long time ago, though.
Yeah, but so was World War II.
People still talk about that,
don't they?
MAN: Excuse me.
Sorry. Can I bum one? Yeah.
Oh, cheers.
Oof!
Funerals are weird, ain't they?
Everyone thinking he was perfect.
Fucking weirdo, man. Weird kid.
No-one's saying nothing.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was weird.
You know, I don't
like, I don't remember
anything about him, but
except he used to call me milady,
and it made me want to, like,
move countries.
I don't know if I'm a good person.
No-one does.
No-one knows if I'm a good person?
Why didn't you reply?
Um
I don't know.
But it's not my fault
right?
I mean I shouldn't feel bad.
That's what today's all about,
I'm afraid.
Feeling bad. Yeah, but
we're we're not responsible
for other people.
You know,
for other people's feelings.
Is that what people
have been telling you?
Sorry.
Thanks.
For fuck's sake.
Abi!
Hi! Hi!
Oh, my God! So good to see you.
I just wish it was under
better circumstances.
Oh, but you've been busy, babe.
You're royalty, aren't you?
I didn't realise you were
a monarchist.
I mean, I'm not personally,
but I just think
it's a vile institution.
Well Well, yeah.
I mean, we called off the wedding.
No! Why?
Did he cheat on you?
Did he cheat on you
in a really horrible way?
Uh, no. Um We're fine.
He's fine. He's nice.
It's just, I had this gut feeling,
you know?
I just suddenly thought,
"What is our relationship
even based on?" You know?
Yeah. "Do Sven and I have
this deep, soul, love connection",
"or do I just like going
to Lake Como with Amal Clooney?"
Classic question.
At least you've got your Tesla.
Oh, I don't have a Tesla.
You've you've got a Tesla.
No, I don't. I don't have a Tesla.
Sorry. Hi. I'm Tom.
I'm the boyfriend.
Gosh. Hi! I've seen
so many posts on Insta.
Like, literally so many.
I feel like I've been to
a small plates restaurant with you.
How did you guys meet?
Uh, I'll say.
Um, she's actually the first person
I matched with on Hinge.
And he was mine.
Isn't that a funny story?
Oh, my God. Wow.
Like, just the first one?
You just thought,
"Right, I'm gonna stop now."
"I don't need to, like, look at
other options. Just, that's it."
No. Listen, when you know, you know.
When you know, you know. God.
I usually find, like, platitudes
like that so totally empty.
But when you said that,
I really felt something.
I feel like I've just been
kind of doing everything
just to have something to say.
Hello!
What a turnout.
HE CHUCKLES
A sell-out.
I'm Timmo.
Sorry. He is WAS Timmo,
but sadly no more.
Obviously.
I'm Graham. I'm your celebrant.
I couldn't be happier for him
to be my first, uh, funeral,
being a celebrant.
Got qualified literally yesterday.
Down to the wire.
ELECTRONIC MUSIC
They told me this was a funeral
for a 24-year-old.
Like, hello, that's not an age
you should be dying at.
KEYS CLATTER Fuck!
And I was like, "That's crazy."
I was like, "What?"
Anyway, I digress.
Let's get this show on the road.
Who is this guy? We're going to hear
some words now from Timmo's father.
Come on up, Sandy.
UNDER HER BREATH: Oh, my God. Fuck.
Timmo was a strange boy.
He confused me.
It's a strange feeling being
confused by someone you made.
We had the same face,
for fuck's sake.
AUDIENCE CHUCKLES
Yeah.
It, um
It struck me today,
he didn't have many friends.
We ain't got a lot of family.
He's not going down in history.
Not very many people
not even the people here
will remember him,
at least not for long.
It sounds harsh,
but not many people loved him.
I loved him.
Didn't understand him at all. Didn't
get him, maybe. But I loved him.
Hard to know whether that's enough.
I wasted so much time
trying to get him to do
the things that made sense to me.
Things that I'd done.
I don't know why.
Those things didn't make me happy.
What made me happy was him.
Didn't realise how much
I loved being confused.
Beautiful words from
a beautiful man.
I think it's time for a "Tim-along".
That's a Timmo singalong.
DOORBELL RINGS
OK, OK. This is a bad idea.
What am I doing? What am I doing?
Hey. Fuck me. This place is far.
Yeah. Sorry. Yeah.
Are you OK? Yeah. Uh, yeah.
I just found the whole thing
a bit much.
Um, do you want to
come up to my room?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's Roger's room,
actually, if I'm honest.
Who's Roger?
HEAVY BREATHING
Um, are you OK?
Yeah, it's just my first
Oh, come here.
Yeah? Is there anything I can
No, no, no do?
Are you sure? No. You're all good.
If there is anything, like
It's fine.
I'll do it. It's fine. Like,
you can call me anything you want.
You can call me, like,
a stupid faggot whore if you want.
What?
I don't want to call you that.
Do you want me to call you that?
No, no, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying,
if there's something, like, specific
that you wanted
I'll do whatever you, um
I can call you that.
You're a faggot.
OK, uh
That didn't feel like, um
Maybe not, right?
Wrong. Yeah.
Um Well, one time I
I fucked this guy
who could only come from porn.
So he just, um, he just watched porn
while we while we
While you had sex?
Well, we could try that if
That's awful.
Is it?
I don't know. Is it?
Come on.
God, everything is so uncertain,
isn't it?
I mean, listening to that
Emily girl,
her whole life, just, like,
falling apart.
It's like, one day you're
a princess of fucking Sweden
and you're hanging out with
George Clooney,
and you've got a fucking Tesla,
and then the next day, nothing.
No Sweden, no George Clooney,
no Tesla.
And then you just fucking die.
God, we're so lucky, Ab.
We're so fucking lucky
because we can look at each other
and just be certain.
I love you so much.
Babe, are you OK?
Shmoop, what's up?
HEAVY BREATHING
WOMEN MOAN ON VIDEO
Is that lesbian?
Shit, yeah, is that all right?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's fine.
I love lesbians. Um
I think they can be a bit
humourless, but I love them.
They're great. I'm hard.
Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Teeth. MUFFLED: Sorry. Sorry.
No. It's OK.
MOANING ON VIDEO
Yeah.
Good funeral.
Yeah. Fucking banger.
This is probably gonna sound
really weird to you.
And you might not
Look, you might disagree,
but I feel like I might have
treated you quite badly.
And I want to take accountability
for that.
So this is me.
I'm being accountable.
I'm taking accountability.
So is this, like radical honesty
or some therapy training thing?
I don't need it.
Thought it might make you
feel better.
I don't feel bad, Zara.
Sam, yes. You do feel bad.
You do. We both do.
Come here.
Did you ever feel like it
Like it ended at the wrong moment?
Like we should have waited a bit?
Soaked up a bit more of it?
No. Uh
Things usually end
when they need to.
That's not true at all.
Look at Tommy's life.
His name was Timmo.
What did I say? Tommy.
Fuck! That's fucking unfair.
That's a really fucking unfair
thing to do to me.
Sorry. Um
Want to come back to mine?
We live together.
Yeah, yeah, but do you? Yeah.
Have you ever thought about
killing yourself?
Jesus! Sorry, I didn't mean
I wasn't saying it because of you.
I just mean because of the funeral.
I've been thinking about
I nearly did it once when I was 17.
Yeah. I
I just felt like everything
was so overwhelming.
But in a way that was
so boring, you know?
So I went to Boots and I was
going to get all this paracetamol,
but it turns out you can
only get two packs at a time.
And I started thinking, "I'm going
to have to go to all these Bootses"
"all across London
and get loads of paracetamol,"
"two at a time at loads
of different Bootses."
And I was like, "Actually,
that feels more exhausting"
"than just carrying on living."
So in the end,
I just sort of sucked it up
and revised for my A-levels.
Do you want to stay over?
Like I I shouldn't, really.
I just mean, like, we should
Yeah.
We could, like, lie here for a bit
or, um,
get some food in a second, or?
I just, I have a lot to do.
Yeah? Yeah. I've got to
I've got to a post a letter
and call the bank.
You've got to post a letter?
It was so nice seeing you. For real.
Yeah. Yeah. You know where to
Yeah. See you.
HEAVY BREATHING
TOM: Oh, fuck, babe.
TOM AND ABI BOTH MOAN
It's a nice way to end it.
It is. Yeah.
You don't know this yet
because I'm your first one.
But you're always going to
love me a bit.
And it's going to be really shit
for you.
OK.
You know when you'd always ask me
about Poppy and I'd be like,
"No, babe, I don't feel anything
for her any more.
"I wouldn't recognise her
in the street,
"I think her hair
looks shit bleached,
"and I wouldn't care if she died.
I don't love her at all any more"?
Fucking whore. Mm.
She has a Birkin now.
How did she afford that?
She's a fucking acupuncturist.
I was lying, Ab.
They were all lies.
And you're gonna have
to lie about me
because you're always
going to love me a bit.
That's so stupid.
I'm always gonna love you a lot.
I'm always gonna love you a lot.
Your mum's gonna be devastated.
DOOR OPENS
Oh, God. Hi, Roger.
Ethan. Ah! Here he is.
You know, the strapping buck.
Oh, God.
Oh, no. Um Uh, are you upset?
I'm afraid I don't have any tissues,
but let me go out.
I'll buy you thousands.
No, no, please, I
Sit down, sit down. Can I just?
Can I just, like, sit with you?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
My gosh, that would be, uh
That would be a dream come true.
It'd be an honour to
sit with a boy like you.
I love your bed.
Yeah, it's firm, which I like.
And there's a painting of a bird.
I used to have a pet bird.
What kind? Pigeon. Pigeon?
That's weird. Is it? Yeah.
Do you wanna hear something funny?
Oh?
So so I met this guy, um
a few weeks ago. I'm gay.
That's
Yeah. Great.
It's your flat, Tommy.
Yeah, I know, but it's fine.
I can stay at my mum's. Yeah.
Thanks for letting me take
the NutriBullet.
CAT MEOWS
If he was going to watch
a video like that,
he should have done one
with at least a willy in there.
Yeah. Thank you for saying that.
I'm starting to feel like
the whole thing was a huge mistake.
No, no, no. Listen here, dimbo.
Dimbo?
Love is never a mistake.
Well, I don't love him.
I'm not, like, in love with him.
Oh. Well
Well, you should find
It's good to love someone.
It's fun.
Yeah. I mean, I do love people.
There are people that I love.
Yes! Well, you see.
That's amazing. That's perfect.
Those people, you should be
sucking on them. Yeah.
I'm in love.
Very lovely, very kind,
special woman.
Just the perfect woman.
Oh.
That's great, Roger.
Are you are you together?
Or, like, what's the?
No, no, no. No. No-no-no-no-no. No.
She's already got a, uh
And he's great!
Got a man. A really generous,
kind, lovely husband, she has.
Lucky, lucky people.
God. I'm sorry, Roger.
Sometimes, uh, he'll say something
and she'll be like, um
"Ugh!" Like like she's annoyed.
Like she doesn't even love him,
but she does.
And when she looks at him like that,
I'm like, I'm honestly like
"Like, just look at me like that."
"Look at me like that!"
"Someone."
NARRATOR: Everything is cliche.
An individual person
in themselves is nothing.
They are only useful
insofar as their living
reminds other people
that they too are still alive.
It's a harrowing reminder.
Some people need it.
That sounds really lonely.
I don't really get lonely. No.
Jesus! Will you both shut up?!
I was barely talking!
Your voice carries, Ethan.
It's very high!
It's two o'clock
in the bloody morning.
Sorry.
Sorry. Was that story?
Are you in love with my mum?
Hmm?
ETHAN LAUGHS
Meaningless?
You mean it's all been
meaningless?
Every whisper and caress?
Yes, yes, yes
It was totally meaningless
Meaningless
Like when two fireflies fluoresce
Just like everything, I guess
Less, less, yes
It was utterly meaningless. ♪