Johnny Test (2005) s01e05 Episode Script

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny got a head
Of fiery hair ♪
And a turbo charged backpack ♪
His genius sisters
Use him like a lab rat ♪
A neat freak dad at home ♪
A super busy mom ♪
The boy's best friend
Is a talking dog ♪
-Talking dog ♪
-That's right.
Three extreme teens
And an air breathing shark ♪
Mega action game controller
Skating in the park ♪
A Phero-booster, bling-bling ♪
What do we make of this ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy
Named Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
Johnny Test ♪
This is the life of a boy
Named Johnny Test ♪
(FIREWORKS WHISTLE,
RAPID EXPLOSIONS)
ANNOUNCER:
Hello, everybody, and welcome
to the Hogwash Center
where the undefeated
Hairbelly Hammerheads
take on your winless
and pathetic
Porkbelly Ice Pigs.
Big crowd on hand tonight
for what should be a very
super-duper exciting
and totally painful night
for the Ice Pigs.
Hammerheads break away
he shoots!
-He's scared! He scores!
-(SCORE BUZZER BEEPS)
And he's hurt!
Ooh! What a body check!
Ooh, another body check!
Oh, more body checks!
-I got it!
-(THUDS)
I am doing great tonight!
Three helmets, a goalie glove,
and a referee!
(GROANS)
Now if the Ice Pigs
could just score a goal.
Let's go, Ice Pigs!
(SHOUTING, GROWLING)
Boo! Boo!
ANNOUNCER:
Ooh, that crowd of two
is really getting into it.
Boo! Hammerheads reek! Boo!
ANNOUNCER:
And the Hammerheads
don't like it.
They're heading into the stands!
Are they allowed to do that?
It's hockey, Johnny.
Since when are there rules?
Run!
-(BOTH SCREAMING)
-(GRUNTING)
-Turbo Protection getaway mode.
-(BEEPS)
I poke fun
at your sisters a lot,
but they do make
a nice armored bike.
Yeah. If they could
only help me make
a decent hockey team.
COMPUTER:
Thomas Edison
experiment commencing.
-Experiment failed.
-BOTH: Ew.
I'm not eating that.
we need Edison's
original plans on
accelerated veggie growth.
This book apparently
left out some details.
-(DOOR OPENS)
-Susan, Mary,
you've gotta help us.
(SNIFFS) Whoa!
Who busted a grumpy?
Don't look at me.
I know usually it is me,
but this time, doggie no go.
Actually, Johnny,
we're recreating
one of the lost inventions
of Thomas Edison,
the Electric
Lettuce Accelerator.
And yet you wonder
why you don't have
a social life.
SUSAN:
When you plug these electrodes
into common soil,
you can grow a head of lettuce
in less than ten seconds.
It's the microwave popcorn
of salads.
Yeah, but it's a salad,
not popcorn.
-Is there something
we can do for you?
-(JOHNNY THUDS)
Yeah, the Ice Pigs
are getting their pucks kicked,
and I wanna help them
win a game before they move
the team to Florida
and change their name
to the Sun Pigs.
(TV BUZZES)
ANNOUNCER: And at the end
of the first period,
it's the Hammerheads ten
and the future
Florida Sun Pigs zero.
You don't suppose
this Edison dude
invented an Electric
Hockey-Winning thing,
do ya?
It's highly unlikely--
That you'd find one of
his "hockey" inventions
in that book.
But you could always
go back in time
and ask him yourself with
the Turbo Teahouse
Time Machine.
It's a little girly,
don't you think?
Yeah. but Dad doesn't suspect
it's a time machine.
Now, I'll set the coordinates
for Edison's lab
about a hundred years ago.
Just pick up the original plans
for the Lettuce Accelerator.
Then ask him about his great
"hockey" inventions
that will help
your hapless Ice Poodles.
Ice Pigs!
If we hurry,
we could make it back
before the end of the game.
(HUMMING, SCREAMS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Now, if you get lost,
just consult this history book.
-(BOTH GRUNT)
-(CRASHES)
MARY:
And pull the creamer
to make it go.
You mean this thing here?
(JOHNNY AND DUKEY SCREAMING)
(GROANING)
-(JOHNNY CLEARS THROAT)
-Huh? What!
Who are you?
What are you doing here?
(SLOWLY)
We've just come from the future.
In that thing?
It's a little girly,
don't you think?
Yeah. Just show us
the hockey inventions.
Don't have 'em.
But I do have
the Electric Lettuce
Accelerator.
It will increase our food supply
and wipe out hunger.
Yeah, well,
I'm from the future, pal,
and what we're
really hungry for
is accelerated nachos.
Nachos? Hmm.
-Come on!
-(CRASHES)
Didn't you ever
invent a magic hockey stick
or an auto-scoring puck?
Mr. Edison,
it's an honor to meet you.
Your inventions
have contributed so much
to modern society-- Hey!
What's this do?
(GROANS)
(SCREAMS)
I just blew up Thomas Edison!
What?
Now how am I gonna
help the Ice Pigs?
I think he's breathing.
Don't sweat it.
Says here he doesn't die
for another 20 years.
But he mysteriously walked
with a limp from this day forth.
Oh, that's not so bad.
-MAN: Mr. Edison.
-(GASPS)
Is everything all right?
DUKEY:
Yeah, uh, I'm fine.
I just invented smoking hair.
Carry on.
Run!
DUKEY:
I got the plans. Let's go!
Yank the creamer!
Let's go back to the present
and forget all about
this time thing.
What about the Ice Pigs?
We need to help them!
Let's face it, Johnny.
I don't think
the toughest guys in history
can help the Ice Pigs.
Hmm.
Well, there's only
one way to find out!
(TRUMPETS)
Hey, Caveman.
You hit rock in cave.
-(GRUNTS)
-(GROANS)
-(CHUCKLES)
-Great.
-You'll play defense.
-Hmm?
DUKEY:
He's trying to eat my leg.
Settle down, you two,
or I will turn this
girly teahouse around.
(WIND HOWLS)
Is there someone named
Attila the Hun?
-I heard he's a big wuss!
-(SHOUTS)
(WIND HOWLS)
(SCREAMS)
-(CRASHES)
-Duck! Welcome aboard.
Vikings Vikings
(TIME MACHINE BUZZING)
(GROWLING, GUTTURAL MUTTERING)
We're back. Here are your plans.
Gotta go. Bye.
(OBJECT SHATTERS)
(GRUNTING)
Um, who are these guys?
Well, he's a caveman.
He's a Mongol warrior.
That guy's a Viking,
Black Knight over there,
and my man here
is Attila the Hun.
-Duck!
-(THUDS)
Johnny, those are
the most violent
warriors and savages
from all recorded history.
No. They are the new
Ice Pigs Hockey Team.
SUSAN:
Dad's precious
meatloaf collection!
MARY:
Johnny, do something!
(RUNNING FOOTSTEPS FADE AWAY)
Oh, all right. I'll talk to 'em.
(YELLING, BATTLE CRIES)
Excuse me, savages?
We need to talk.
Ow! Will you stop that?!
I want to talk to you
about something
really important
hockey.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
See? We all have dreams.
(PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYS)
Vikings,
you want to sack villages.
Huns, Mongols,
you want to take over the world.
(GRUNTING)
And the caveman, well
Don't worry, friend.
Evolution is on the way.
The point is,
we all have dreams.
And if one of our dreams
comes true,
it should be mine,
'cause I got you all together.
So let's win one
for the Ice Pigs!
Huh?
(GROWLING, YELLING)
Great. You inspired them
to stop beating up the lawn
and beat us up instead!
It's part of the plan.
There's still time
left in the game.
-Come on!
-(GRUNTING
AND YELLING CONTINUES)
ANNOUNCER: And with just
two minutes left in the game,
there's absolutely no way
the pathetic Ice Pigs
can win this one.
Ooh! Looks like the Ice Pigs
have made a line change
with bigger and hairier players.
The Hammerheads look confused.
Now they look hurt!
Oh, it's a big pile
on the Ice Pig
who breaks away!
The puck is loose. He shoots!
-(SCORE BOARD BUZZES)
-He scores!
But can the Ice Pigs
pull off an amazing comeback?
It's working.
(SCORE BOARD BUZZES)
(SCORE BOARD BUZZES)
(GROWLS)
-(SCORE BOARD BUZZES)
-ANNOUNCER: Score!
Unbelievable!
The new hairier Ice Pigs win,
and they are going crazy!
Sort of!
Hairy Ice Pigs rule!
The only thing missing now
is a disgustingly yummy
sporty snack food.
How about a salad?
From Thomas Edison's
greatest undiscovered
invention,
before he got his famous lamp,
the Electric
Lettuce Accelerator.
Nachos?
It makes nachos?
It doesn't get
any better than this.
(CAVEMAN CHEWING)
-Hey, buddy. Try the nachos.
-Huh?
-(FLIES BUZZING)
-You want me to do what?
-Clean your room.
-(FLIES BUZZING)
I have a very important client
coming over to dinner
tomorrow night.
But it's not like
he's having dinner
in my room is he?
No. But this place
is starting to smell.
And your dad
is a little wound up
about playing host
tomorrow night.
(SIGHS) I can see my reflection,
but it's not crystal clear!
He's been having nightmares
for weeks.
Just try to make the house
exactly the way he wants it.
(FLIES BUZZING CONTINUES)
(ALARM BLAIRING)
When was the last time
you cleaned your room?
There was no last time.
(IN SHAKY VOICE)
I think I've broken
through that layer
of petrified pizza boxes.
(FLIES BUZZING)
I'm going to save these
for the museum.
DUKEY:
I think I hit carpet.
(CLANGS)
Huh. So that's what color it is.
-(OBJECTS CLANKING)
-(BOTH GRUNTING)
-That wasn't so bad.
-(GROUND GRUMBLE)
Yeah. But that might be.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Honey, the place looks perfect.
(SCREAMING)
(FLIES BUZZING)
(GASPS)
Uh, well,
look on the bright side.
My room is clean.
(DUKEY AND JOHNNY GRUNTING)
LILA:
No more of those
horrible nightmares.
The house looks great.
Oh, it's not just that.
I wish I could redecorate
this entire place.
I've kept a notebook
by the bed for years,
filling it with home improvement
and design ideas
for my dream house.
But I guess it'll always be
just a dream.
I'm heading to the airport
to pick up Mr. Spurling.
Great! I'm running across town
to grab some ingredients
for what will be
the best dinner
for my wife's client ever!
(CAR ENGINES REVVING)
Come on.
Susan and Mary are waiting.
Waiting? For what?
This notebook
is filled with ideas
for Dad's dream house.
We're gonna build it for him.
Johnny, your parents
will be back in two hours.
We don't even have
enough time to read
that book.
MARY:
Oh, we don't have to read it.
-We don't?
-Of course not.
The computer
will scan the notebook
and download it
to our team of robotic
construction drones.
Sweet!
Awesome!
Dad's gonna get the house
of his dreams,
-and mom's client
is gonna be super-impressed.
-(DRONES BLADES WHIRRING)
Johnny, have you actually
looked through this book?
There's some weird
decorating ideas in here.
Like what?
Well, like having
a living room floor
made of quicksand.
Maybe it's some
new design trend.
But it's what Dad wants.
(HUMMING)
(SCREAMS) Snakes!
(SCREAMS) Fridge! Full! Snakes!
Surprise! We used your
home design notebook
to create your dream house.
My design notebook?
Sure. You know, the notebook
you keep by your bed.
-Johnny, this is not
my design notebook.
-Say what?
This is a dream journal,
which means
you built me my nightmare house.
ANNOUNCER: That's right.
Your fully electronic
nightmare house
-comes complete
with scary cave basement
-(SCREAMS)
the Stairway of Horrors,
Holographic Vampires, and more.
Well, that definitely explains
the quicksand floors.
The what?
(SCREAMS) Oh!
Johnny,
are you trying to tell me
that this entire house
has been refurbished
based on every nightmare
I've had for the last two weeks?
Yeah, that's right.
And your mom
is about to bring home
Mr. Spurling,
please let me take your coat.
Why, thank you, Lila. I--
(SCREAMS)
(WHIMPERS)
Not quicksand! Help!
Help! Help
Hold your nose.
According to these blueprints,
this should drop us
down into the scary cave base
-Oof!
-ment.
What is going on here?
Uh, Mr. Spurling,
we just wanted to give you
a complete tour
of our happy home.
This is the cave.
(WHIMPERS) Oh Oh
Are the centipedes gone?
Please tell me they're gone!
And this is my husband.
Our best chance
is to cut the power.
There's a central switchboard
in the cesspool vault.
The what?
-Your room.
-Oh. Right.
Here, Mr. Spurling,
let us show you
the rest of the place.
And that's where
we keep our pet, uh cats!
(CHUCKLES, SCREAMS) Run!
LILA:
Run again!
(CHITTERING)
(ROARING)
(SCREECHING)
(CHOMPING)
I can't go on! It's too much!
Make it all go away!
(SOBS) Make it all go away!
Come on, Dad! You can do this!
Thanks, son. I feel much better.
-(ROARS)
-(GRUNTING)
Hmm.
(GRUNTING)
We need to go back that way.
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
It's okay, honey.
It's just steps.
-There's nothing here.
-Please, no!
Not them!
Not the stay-at-home-dad clowns!
(HUGH SHRIEKING)
Wow. Your dad has issues.
This cannot be happening.
JOHNNY:
I'm going for
the circuit breaker.
-(ROARS)
-(GASPS)
(GROANS)
No! No!
No! (SOBBING)
JOHNNY:
A little help here!
Over here! (GRUNTS)
Johnny!
Yo, spidey, get a whiff of this.
(ELECTRICITY POWERS DOWN)
I never thought
I would say this,
but thank goodness
for dirty underwear!
The house
should be back to normal
in about an hour.
Uh, what about Mr. Spurling?
Oh, he should be fine
once he comes to.
I can't imagine
how I'm going to explain
all this to him.
But I can!
Well, here we are.
(YAWNS)
(SCREAMS) Spiders! Monsters!
Clowns with aprons! Ah!
(STUTTERS) Where am I?
What happened?
Oh, you must be exhausted,
Mr. Spurling.
You fell asleep on the way home
from the airport.
I had the most horrifying
nightmare!
Nothing my husband's
home cooking can't fix.
(CAR DOORS CLOSE)
Listen, Dad,
I'm sorry about all this.
I just wanted you
to have your dream house.
I already do, Johnny.
I realized that today.
Now come help me
whip up a quick dinner
that'll wow Mr. Spurling.
Um, one more thing, Dad?
Can we keep the quicksand floor?
Johnny. Please.
Come on. You have to admit
that quicksand floors
are pretty cool!
ANNOUNCER:
The nightmare house!
Super funny ending not included.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)