Leanne (2025) s01e05 Episode Script

1
I hate you!
- That's fine.
- I'll run you over in the parking lot.
Sorry, I've got seven months to get skinny
while Bill's baby mama gets fat.
Looking good, Leanne.
Thank you, Mary.
You sure are giving us a lot
to pray about lately.
Happy to help.
I know we don't like
to mention carbs in this environment,
but I hear that Bill
has got a bun in the oven.
Ha! Ha!
- No, come on, that was funny.
- I'd rather not talk about it.
This is Bill's peccadillo.
You've got nothing to be ashamed of.
I appreciate that.
Even though it's understandable
why you'd be ashamed.
My goodness, what a scandal.
Switch places with me
before there's bloodshed.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I've been acquitted for assault.
Doesn't mean I didn't do it.
How's your bone broth?
What do you think?
It's meat-flavored water.
- You don't want a bite of my chicken parm?
- I can't.
If I'm gonna build up my self-esteem,
starvation is my foundation.
- Well, you have my support.
- Thank you.
- Should I eat somewhere else?
- No, no, keep going.
I'm feeling a little creepy.
Less talk, more eat.
You just gonna ignore that garlic knot?
I'll get there.
Get there faster.
Better?
Dip.
Baby, there it is.
Please, Lord, don't judge me.
It's okay! It's cool! I'm with Carol!
Carol! It's cool.
I guess you two have met.
No! No one's met!
Dylan. Nice to meet you.
Yeah. You wanna walk me through this?
Okay, when two adults like each other,
they wanna spend special time
You know what I mean!
I'm sorry, you were asleep.
I thought we could pull it off.
We pretty much did till I got thirsty.
All right, I get it.
How long have you two
been associated with each other?
- I dunno, a couple months?
- Two months, 12 days.
- You been keeping track?
- Of course I have.
Come here, you.
Why didn't you tell me
you had a boyfriend?
Ooh!
Is that what I am?
Well, I didn't wanna be the first
to say it, but it sounds good.
Sounds good to me, too.
Stop kissing! I want answers!
All right, well, look,
with what you've been going through,
I didn't want to rub your nose
in my happiness.
I want to be mad at that, but I can't.
That's why I love my girlfriend.
She's got a big heart.
Come here, you.
All right, this is deeply uncomfortable,
so I'll leave you to it.
Nice meeting you.
And sorry about all the stuff
you're going through.
You told him?
We don't just have sex.
We talk in between.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
I mean, your old man
sounds like a real asshole.
Well, aren't you sweet.
Good night.
That's my chicken parm.
You have your snack, I have mine.
Okay.
Start slow.
Pace yourself.
One.
How long you figure
to stay with your sister?
I don't know.
She's going through a tough time.
- I wanna be here as long as she needs me.
- You're a doll.
A naughty doll.
Hi, it's my house. I'm walking in now.
- Pull up a chair. I cooked breakfast.
- Thank you, but I just worked out.
- Coffee?
- Well, that'd be great.
So how did you two meet?
- You want to tell her?
- You do it.
I got scones in the oven.
A few months ago, I had lunch
at the Korean barbecue place at the mall.
- Scone?
- No, thank you. I'm watching my calories.
Don't lose those curves.
Nothing good happens on a straight road.
Gimme.
Anyway, I got a giant wad of beef jammed
in my throat, and I'm seriously choking.
- Marmalade?
- Everybody's like, "Are you okay?"
But I can't say no
because I'm, you know, dying.
Yeah, she was turning blue,
like the hot chick in Avatar.
Then this crazy bastard swoops in
and Heimlich's me like I owed him money.
My goodness. You saved her life?
It's no biggie. I'm a plumber.
I got a knack for unclogging.
My hero.
And look at that.
He also gives mouth-to-mouth.
I'm gonna hit the shower.
Hang on.
Forgive me for being cynical,
but as Carol's big sister,
I need to ask you a few hard questions.
Shoot.
- You ever been married?
- I have. 18 years.
Why'd she dump you?
Let me guess. You cheat on her?
She died. Cancer.
- Okay, go take your shower.
- Yes, ma'am.
Why didn't you stop me?
I don't know
what to tell you, Daddy.
I've called him three times.
That's all I can do.
Yes, I know Mama's overdue for a bath.
Till Carol or I could get over there,
just wet a towel
and give her a quick wipe down.
Sure. Use your chamois.
Whatever makes it fun for you.
Okay. All right. Love you.
Bye-bye.
You don't suppose
your plumber boyfriend could do this?
I can ask him.
Ask me what?
Do you know how to install
one of those walk-in, sit-down tub deals?
Buttercup, I've installed a Jacuzzi
on a moving Lynyrd Skynyrd tour bus.
I can handle a walk-in tub.
Well, now you're saving my life.
You having trouble
getting in and out of the tub?
No, I do Pilates.
This is for our mama.
Just when I think
you two can't get sweeter.
Text me the coordinates. I'll get on it.
Shouldn't we talk about cost?
Carol can pay me in her special way.
Ooh, I sure can.
And more kissing.
No, no keep going.
Plumbers don't come cheap.
See, once you've torn out
the old bathtub and shower,
these sit-down things are just one unit.
They slide right in.
Great, what are your intentions
with my baby girl?
Well, we haven't really discussed it, sir,
but I can assure you, they're honorable.
Good to hear.
I understand you got a dead wife?
I do.
That's terrible. My condolences.
Thank you.
- You have any children?
- No.
We tried, but never happened.
Well, it ain't gonna happen with Carol.
I realize that.
She missed her window.
Doesn't matter. I love her.
Okay.
Excuse me a minute?
I like him!
So I have to ask,
are we hearing wedding bells?
No, we're just enjoying
each other's company.
In my guest room.
I can move back to my place.
No, it's fine.
Just try to enjoy each other silently.
He can.
I can't.
Well, all I've ever wanted
is for both my girls to be happy.
I am, Mama.
Good.
I used to be.
Did you hear me? I said I like him.
Now, this here is called a wand.
It'll get at the places you can't.
You hear that, girls?
It'll help you clean me better.
No, no, no, the whole point
is that you can wash yourself now.
Well, what about our quality time?
We'll still have it.
You just won't be naked.
Go on. Try it.
Okay.
This is gonna be fun!
Just like on TV!
It's open!
Hey, John.
- Bill.
- How you been?
Well, I woke up this morning,
so I guess pretty good.
Your life still a shit show?
Technicolor.
Well, I'd say it gets better,
but I don't really see that happening.
- Yeah, me neither.
- What you got there?
Came to take measurements.
Gonna start on that walk-in tub.
Jim-dandy. You know the way.
I'm forgetting something.
Well, this is just cozy as can be.
I put in an extra handrail.
Can't be too safe.
When you blow up this relationship,
can I still be friends with him?
Hello.
Fudge!
What? I was gonna get started on the tub.
It's all done. Thanks to Dylan.
I even got a wand.
See?
It pulsates.
I don't understand,
I thought this was my job.
It was, but it appears you had
more important things to do.
Like being a tomcat.
Well, at least let me pay for it.
What's the damage?
- All good. Friends and family discount.
- What's that mean?
He's sweet on Carol.
And we're sweet on him.
Okay, well, guess I'll get going.
Hurry.
Seems like a nice enough guy.
For an asshole.
Forgot to tell you, don't go in there.
Your name's mud.
Thanks, John!
You know you're the first man I ever
brought home that my daddy approved of?
I'm sure that's just because
he loves you and was being protective.
No, I dragged some real garbage
through that house.
You lovebirds okay with a third wheel?
Bring it in.
I cannot thank you enough
for what you've done for our mother.
And for us.
You haven't lived until you've scrubbed
your mama's unreachables.
That's one of the things
wrong with our culture.
We don't revere our elders.
We've revered every inch of her.
Boy. Mama sure loves you.
More videos of the tub?
No, she must have taken pictures of Dylan
while he was doing the installation.
What's this now?
She's posted you all over her Facebook,
Instagram, and her church website.
You're kidding.
No. And listen to this.
"Carol's handsome boyfriend Dylan
is a plumber sent from heaven."
And look
at all the likes and reposts.
Let me see this.
Jesus.
You gotta make her take all that down.
- Why?
- Doesn't matter. Just take it down.
Babe, what's wrong? It's a good thing.
You're gonna get a lot of work.
Don't need the work, didn't ask for it.
- Where are you going?
- I don't know. I'll call when I get there.
I haven't dated in 35 years,
but that seemed odd.
I don't know why,
but breaking and entering feels wrong.
We should give Dylan a few days to call.
It's been two weeks. I need answers!
How does someone just disappear?
Well, here's what we do know.
He's a good man…
who may be on the run from the mob.
Or the law.
Or some sort of combo platter.
Okay, I got a credit card,
an Allen wrench, and a bobby pin.
One of these suckers ought to do the job.
Look at that.
You're an accomplice now.
Not if it's a wellness check.
Hello?
Everybody feeling well?
Wow.
He took everything
and just left the furniture.
No, this is how it's always been.
Really?
Not even one dirty sock on the floor?
That should have been a red flag.
Well, you know me.
Red flag just means accelerate.
This is all I have of him now.
Southern Living.
That's where I got my recipe
for jalapeño monkey bread.
Enjoy.
Sorry.
- I think this might be a pivot point.
- To what?
You and I becoming those eccentric sisters
that all the neighborhood kids
are afraid to go near.
Well, we sure would save
a lot of money on Halloween.
We could stop mowing the lawn.
And start parking on it.
- Go grocery shopping in our pajamas.
- I did that this morning.
- You did?
- Yeah.
Felt a little weird at first,
but by the time I got to produce,
I felt free as a bird.
We could make candles and soap.
No more shoelaces. Only Velcro flaps.
Or just commit to slippers.
Sold!
You think we could actually do it?
I don't know.
Giving up might be a fantasy
too good to be true.