North of North (2025) s01e05 Episode Script

1
(light relaxed music)
(birds calling)
(floorboards creaking)
Hey, old man.
Still sneaking around, huh?
Morning, siaja.
(sighs)
Hey, do you want to get
coffee sometime?
I just feel like you and I,
we haven't really,
Like, hung out.
Oh, I know.
You've been so busy.
And I've been working
a lot anyways.
-How is that going?
-Hectic.
But somehow I still feel
a little underused.
Like you just wish you could
maybe take some bigger swings.
Mm.
Anyway, I should
probably get going.
You make her happy, you know.
She's pretty tough to read,
But, um, it's starting to feel
like a thing again.
-Yeah, my mom's pretty private.
-Oh, yeah.
And, uh, on that note,
have a good one.
Yeah, you too.
(door shuts)
Hey, I usually take Friday
afternoons off, just fyi.
For the coffee, no pressure.
(door shuts)
-(upbeat electronic music)
-(singer vocalizing)
(door opens and shuts)
Bun!
Anaana's here.
Ting?
-(clank)
-woo!
-That one hit the moon!
-Yeah! Woo-hoo!
I think you're ready for a real
baseball game this weekend.
-Woo!
-What? No, she's too little.
-She's seven.
-Ataata said I could go.
Well, ataata didn't
talk to anaana.
Because anaana doesn't
talk to ataata.
-(sniffles)
-(distant dog barks)
-Okay. We'll talk.
-Really? When?
Um, Thursday after work.
-Come on, bun.
-Okay.
-Thursday after work, then.
-Okay.
-School.
-(bun giggles)
(gentle electronic music)
(door shuts)
(singer vocalizing)
Oof!
(funky electronic music)
-Morning.
-Yo, what up?
Ullaakkut. Oh, uh,
I wouldn't do that.
Those hooks are
purely decorative.
Like the hot water taps
in the washroom?
-And the smoke detectors.
-You know there's mushrooms
Growing in the storeroom,
and they are not the fun kind.
-No.
-Ugh.
(laughs and groans)
Okay, when you make
that sound,
It's usually
because of your mom Or helen.
Sometimes elisapee,
sometimes this one.
You make that sound a lot,
so we need another clue.
It's this place.
It could be so much better.
You know, I want to do more.
I want to
Take bigger swings.
Like, look at this.
I mean, technically,
this water bubble has worked
-Here longer than I have.
-(millie) I wouldn't touch that.
-(rising dramatic music)
-(hand smacks desk)
This is the worst time
to have a leak.
Do you know
why I called you in here?
To tell me to go home
and shower?
No, we are on a short list
for the polar research centre,
The one that your father's
been scouting.
It's now between
us and tuktutalik.
Wait, isn't that good news?
Do you know why this place
is falling apart?
It's because 70% of
the territorial infrastructure
-Funding has gone to tuktutalik.
-Well, that doesn't sound fair.
My counterpart there is
this woman, ellen white.
She's a real
(shudders)
(whispers) Jerk.
Siaja, if you had my job
(laughs)
I know it's ridiculous
to even think about,
But if you were in my position,
what would you do to defeat
A town that is demonstrably
better than us in every way?
-Harsh.
-I know.
'kay.
We already play baseball
every Saturday.
-Yeah.
-Why don't we
Challenge tuktutalik? Call it
a friendly game fundraiser.
Do a big 50-50 draw,
split the proceeds
With the visiting community,
and, um
Bring out the old walrus dick.
A walrus dick challenge.
It's been years. Yeah.
And we could crush ellen's team,
and show our fighting spirit.
Sure, and we could get
some extra funds to fix up
This place and have a real shot
at the research station.
Yeah, and really demolish
ellen in the process!
Let's do it.
Let's crush ellen! Woo!
(dog barking)
(tags jingling)
(upbeat electronic music)
(singer humming)
I hate to rub it in,
but in your face!
No! I didn't see that.
(siaja hums)
(both chuckle)
Hey, so if you would have said
the words "walrus dick baseball"
A few weeks ago, that would have
just blown my mind.
But now I'm thinking,
"bring it on," you know?
I'm starting to feel
like a real northerner.
Only southerners say,
"I'm starting to feel
-Like a real northerner."
-oh, damn it. All right. Well.
-(phone notification)
-um
Oh, crap. Crap, crap, crap.
-(siaja sighs)
-what?
I was supposed to meet ting
after work today, but I got
Caught up with helen planning
the game and telling her why
Throat singing cheerleaders
wasn't a good idea,
And I Forgot. Shit.
-Was it important?
-I mean, I've been avoiding him
For weeks, and we have
a lot to sort through, so
-Yeah, I know that feeling.
-How so?
Uh
Dude, you know so much about me,
and I know zip about you.
It's kind of unfair.
Okay, it's just there's not
really that much to tell.
I had a girlfriend,
and I told her I was
Coming up here for a bit,
and she didn't say don't go.
So now I'm here. I get to play
some walrus dick baseball.
-So that's pretty cool.
-Um
As a reward for that avalanche
of personal information,
How would you like to be
my team captain?
-It would be my honour, milady.
-(both laugh)
(upbeat pop music)
let's go, l is levitating,
got us up in the clouds ♪
(siaja) the betting pool's
now at 22,000 and growing,
So we're walking away today
with at least 11k.
(helen) oh, my god! Siaja!
You have outdone yourself.
I know we may have gotten
off on the wrong foot,
But you might be
my greatest achievement.
-Thanks?
-Thank you.
And you're welcome.
Wow, big game day announcers!
-This looks so professional.
-It's my first time.
I bet you say that
to all the guys.
-(colin) helen!
-We just had that workshop.
Well, mr. Neil armstrong
hadn't been to the moon
Until he hopped out
of his space buggy either.
Huh, that almost made sense.
-You good?
-I said it was my first time.
I didn't say I wasn't
going to crush it.
Nice. Oh, you actually
plugged that in wrong.
(upbeat pop music)
(indistinct chatting)
-Where's kuuk?
-There.
-Hey!
-Someone got an upgrade.
Yeah, my auntie burned
my peacoat.
Uh, the team's looking good.
Especially this kid bannock.
Look how fast he is.
-Right?
-I'm faster than bannock.
Yeah? Well, we could use fast.
-Uh
-Hmm?
Got a lot of kids
and elders here.
Please, anaana?
-Woohoo! Yeah!
-I got her.
(inaudible)
Team's looking good.
-(bun giggling)
-all right, ready?
-Yeah!
- All right.
What?
I might be diving
into sensitive waters here.
Where's ting?
He's the best player we have.
We're not on the best of terms.
He's still upset at me
for, you know, everything.
-But how can we win without him?
-We don't need him!
We have a kick-ass team.
I mean, look at elisapee.
She's an animal!
Look, it doesn't
matter if we win this.
Siaja, do you understand
how important it is
To humiliate ellen white?
-Helen!
-Hi!
There she is. Is that
a pink streak in her hair?
-(ellen) yummy!
-She thinks she's so cool.
-What do I do?
-You go greet her.
It's a conversation,
not a knife fight.
Okay. Hi!
Wonderful to see you!
Still aging gracefully.
(ellen) thanks for having
us here.
(laughing)
(calm rhythmic music)
-Okay! Let's do it.
-Yes, okay.
See? That wasn't so bad.
Helen talked me into changing
the terms of the game.
-It's winner takes all.
-What?
No! You have to go back
and tell her you made a mistake.
Are you kidding? You saw what
just happened. She's the devil!
Okay, I'll go back and tell
her you made a mistake.
-I signed an agreement.
-Helen!
If we lose, we get zip!
I already told mikey
to fix our leaky roof.
-We could lose money on this!
-Siaja, calm down.
You were just saying yourself,
our team is awesome.
-We can beat 'em!
-(ellen whistles)
Oh, my god.
Mm-mm-mm! You're going down.
(dramatic throat singing music)
(bun) those guys are big. Ooh!
I'll go get ting.
(ting) I don't need
any more casseroles!
-Ting, it's me.
-Oh.
Are you here for our big talk?
'cause you're, like,
a hundred hours late.
I'm sorry.
I got busy and I forgot.
-Genuinely, I texted you.
-You know how long I waited up?
The whole first season
of peaky blinders.
An amazing show that is now
ruined for me because of you.
Again, I'm sorry, but we need
you for the baseball game.
-The community needs king ting.
-You just have to tell them
You screwed up
with all your avoidance issues.
Ugh. I didn't come to argue.
Helen made a stupid bet,
and now we have to win.
And we can't do it
without you.
Fine. I'll play.
On one condition.
Deal! Wait.
What's the condition?
That we talk today,
right after the game.
-Okay.
-Hi, ting.
-Are you two
-Jealous?
Mm, casserole!
Judy, you're amazing.
Just bring it inside.
Right now,
I got a big game to win.
-(neevee) and then, she
-(women laughing)
-Hey!
-What are you doing?
The lovebirds
got to sit together.
(speaking inuktitut)
-Is that okay with you?
-Yeah, it's a free country.
Why do you think
we brought an extra chair?
Oh, thank you. Excuse me.
-(laughing)
-there a trick to this thing?
Yeah, the trick was
to get you to bend over.
(women laughing)
-(alistair laughs nervously)
-thanks for joining us.
Now that we're talking,
how come you never got married?
Uh, well,
lots of reasons, really.
Uh, doesn't help
that I live out of a suitcase.
-Any other kids?
-Uh, none that I know of, no.
How about jail time?
Have you gone to jail?
Uh, one night.
Mistaken identity.
-Only?
-How is your prostate?
Uh I don't know. Neevee?
-Holy, ladies, just chill out.
-(eva laughs)
-Jeez.
-How come you never got married?
-Who wants soup? Soup?
-Me.
-Yeah.
-I'll take. I'll take that.
-Yeah. Heck yeah. Heck yeah.
-(cheering)
(chanting) king ting! King ting!
King ting! King ting! King ting!
(ting roars)
(crowd cheers)
(chanting continues)
Siaja begged me to come.
Said we were
a little short on manpower.
Yeah. Kuuk is captain.
We need to win, so use ting.
Okay. Yeah.
(rhythmic music)
We are moments away
from the inaugural
Hamlet of ice cove
inuktitut baseball
Community hall
fundraise jamfest!
Fun fact,
I shortened it to ham jam.
Before you ask, there's no ham
and also no jam.
-Welcome to ham jam!
-(cheering)
(colin) elisapee is now bringing
over the bat for today's game.
Which, um, will probably
be played tomorrow
If she doesn't pick up the pace.
Sorry. Sorry, elisapee.
(millie) in a land short
on wood, we turn to bone.
And my, what a bone this is.
We give you The walrus dick!
(cheering)
This game has been played
for centuries.
And I say this
having done zero research.
But I do know each community has
their own set of unique rules.
So for fairness,
we will be playing
By a random community's rules.
-Alaskan rules.
-Which one?
-Eskimo baseball.
-Esmo baseball?
-(crowd gasps)
-hey!
-Ooh.
-We can say eskimo. You cannot.
-Understood?
-What I understand is
The tuktutalik community centre
is about to get
A new 4k projector.
(cheering)
Uh, everybody have a phone?
I'll post a link to the rules.
(rapid phone notifications)
(upbeat band music playing
over cell phone)
Okay. Eskimo baseball
doesn't have any bases.
Like american baseball,
you can have nine people
On the field,
or you can have more people.
It doesn't even matter.
Like, look at all those people.
The objective is to run
from one safety zone
To another without getting hit.
And that's how you get a guy
out, unless it's a head shot.
They don't count,
and that's eskimo baseball.
Okay, first team to 400 wins.
Let's play!
(cheering)
(fast-paced music)
Nice hit from taituusi.
He's gonna get a few runs.
Fun fact, last time
taituusi was in town,
He proposed
to three of my friends.
I guess that's more of a warning
than a fun fact.
Next, stepping up
to the plate, we have
-This guy.
-(whispers) who is this guy?
(whispers) I don't know.
(colin) and this guy hits it,
And, oh, it's collected by kuuk,
and he throws it.
This guy launches it back,
and kuuk catches it again.
Wow, they are playing catch
like father and child.
(cheering)
(colin) if you're confused,
folks, you're in good company.
It took me two years of living
here to understand this game.
Great play from the home team.
That takes a little bit
of sting off the fact
That we are already
-43 points behind.
-43?!
-We'll make it up.
-(cheering)
-Do we suck?
-Hey, only suckers suck.
And you're no sucker,
you're who? You're who?
-I'm your superstar wiggle butt.
-That's right!
Now, go show
grandma and grandpa
Just how fast your little tuktu
legs can go, okay?
(speaking inuktitut)
aww!
All right, come here. Ha-ha!
Go get 'em! Go!
(colin) okay. I hope everyone
warmed up their soup
'cause we might be here a while
If ice cove is
going to pull this off.
("my milkshake"
- inuktitut version)
-(cheering)
-come on, bun! Let's go!
Come on, siaja! Woo!
(colin) is kuuk
going to catch it? Oh!
Oh, ting leaves him in the dust.
-(ting roars and hoots)
-(crowd cheers)
I guess that's why they call
ting king, because he rules.
-And he's a shit team player.
-Got that right.
That was a dirty move.
(colin) a big pop-up, and
Oh! Ting decides to shove kuuk
instead of catch the ball,
And the visiting team
has scored again.
-Come on!
-Somebody's got to tell
Those two that they're
on the same team.
Fun fact, I think
they're both on team siaja.
(crowd chanting) fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Time out! Grow up!
(colin) siaja breaks it up.
Tuktutalik scores another 12.
Are you kidding me? You guys are
going to cost us the game!
You're right.
We were being idiots, man.
-Sorry.
-Maybe you should take a break.
You're looking
a little tired out there.
-You know--
-please.
-What is your problem?
-You're my problem, and him.
How is kuuk your problem?
You made time for him,
but not for me,
-The father of your child.
-Of course, it's all about you.
(bun) why can't you
all get along?
-(crying)
-oh, I'm so sorry, bun.
We shouldn't have
been arguing.
No more fighting,
I promise.
-Yeah?
-Come on.
Let's all go finish
the game together.
-Okay.
-(colin) okay, guys, it's close
To the end of the game,
and it's tight.
Ice cove has called
for a time-out.
Take your mitts off,
because this is a nail-biter.
Hey!
Let's get off esmo time
and play ball.
(dramatic music)
Okay, guys,
this is bigger than money.
Ellen white is
a real-life terrorist.
Like, chop my hair, give me
the worst bangs ever, send me
To residential school terrorist.
No offence, bo.
Tuktutalik has been stealing
our resources for decades.
But it's made them soft,
and you know what happens
When you go soft
in walrus dick baseball?
It's game over!
So I say we go
scorched earth on these
These a-holes, and we're gonna
s in their m's until they s
In their perfect
little uniforms,
And then they're
gonna March around town
With that s
in their p-a-n-t-s's.
-Huh?
-Yeah!
Let's fuck their shit up
for ice cove!
(everyone) ice cove!
All right, they want king ting?
We'll give them king ting.
-I'm listening.
-Okay.
(indistinct whispering)
(rhythmic music)
(colin) the entire ice cove team
is now waiting in the safe zone,
Sending our heaviest
hitter up to bat.
(crowd chanting) king ting!
King ting! King ting! King ting!
Hunters! Fall back! Go deep!
(colin) the game is close.
It could all come down
to this play.
(cheering)
(tense music)
-Now!
-Bungled out of nowhere!
-(cheering)
-amazing.
The entire ice cove team
is running to safety.
One player gets hit
and they are out.
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Ah!
(music slows)
(music resumes)
Three players left to score
and that's all we need!
Run, siaja!
Ow!
(crowd groans)
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no. That was an out.
-No! We won.
-We won!
-We won!
-Quiet!
-We won!
-No! We won!
-We agreed on the rules.
-What?
No headhunting! The run counts!
-Ice cove wins!
-Yeah!
(cheering)
-Woo!
-Woo!
Genuinely lovely
to see you, dear.
-Let's do this again sometime.
-Yeah.
Oh, yes, let's!
We need some new windows.
Oh, my god.
-I am so glad you're on my team!
-It may be your team,
-But I am your star player.
-You sure are.
Anaana, we won!
I'm so proud of you.
-(bun) yay!
-We did it!
-Um
-Uh
Are you coming
to the celebration, or?
Uh
I have a prior commitment.
-But rain check?
-Absolutely.
-See you.
-See you later.
Siaja!
Watch your back next time.
you can hide your hurt ♪
but there's something
you can do ♪
(sighs)
you can talk to me ♪
you can talk to me ♪
when you're down, now ♪
you can talk to me ♪
talk to me ♪
Argh! I freaking tried!
And I'm taking this casserole.
(phone line trilling)
-(alistair) hello?
-Hey, it's siaja.
Yeah, you still down for coffee?
let the walls burn down ♪
set your secrets free ♪
you can break their bounds ♪
'cause you're safe with me ♪
you can lose your doubt ♪
'cause you'll find
no danger here ♪
you can talk to me ♪