Nurse Jackie s01e05 Episode Script

Previously on Nurse Jackie: I believe your daughter Grace is experiencing signs of generalized anxiety disorder.
Her pictures are consistently devoid of color.
She never draws a sun.
Yeah.
Your daughter has serious issues.
Issues? What issues? She has a personality.
We have a problem? - You think Grace should be on drugs? - They gave us opinions.
- We're gonna decide what's best.
- What's to decide? Hey, Eddie.
I really need to see you this morning.
- For the pain.
- Thank you.
This is where you tell me: "You did everything you could.
It wasn't your fault.
" Do you want me to say that? When I tell you to order a scan, order a scan.
If you don't do it, I'll go to the next doctor.
In the meantime, that kid died, and it is all on you.
- Dr.
Cooper grabbed my tit today.
- Did your tit make the first move? He says it was a Tourette's response to stress.
There.
Was that so hard? Look at that.
It's supposed to be Florida.
Who draws Florida with no sun? It's the goddamn Sunshine State.
Hey.
I'll get it, honey.
You sit down.
Why do you always have to work? Yeah.
You know, give me a break, guys.
I'll be home before you know it.
Fi, that's gross.
- Can't you stay home one time? - Yes, I can, but not tonight.
Believe me, it sucks for me too.
Come back to the table, Grace.
Let her go.
Breathe.
Pass the ketchup.
You haven't seen me.
Have you seen Mo-Mo? No.
Okay, it's very simple.
Whatever they tell you, type in their file.
Whatever they don't tell you but you know to be true type in their file.
Nights are different.
Yes.
More stab wounds, more drunks.
Less nutjobs, less children.
Okay, you prioritize by severity of their condition.
Gunshots, stabbings, cardiac arrest followed by bleeders and shallow breathers.
Shallow breathers.
Got it.
What about someone who can't breathe at all? They're dead.
They go to the waiting room.
When a patient arrives unable to breathe check belongings for identification.
Unconscious patients bypass Formal registration until they are stabilized and can provide information.
Or their emergency contact arrives and does it for them.
She's smart.
She would have figured that.
I am actually pretty smart.
But also very nervous.
- Can't relate.
- You don't usually work nights.
- What's up? - You tell me.
You make the nurses' schedule, always working with your favorite people.
I'm concerned about the level of socializing.
Michael.
Handcuffs? You're 43.
He's 43.
You're a security guard.
Go secure something.
Can I help you? What the hell is taking so long? How come no one has come to help him? - Lf he dies, baby, you're moving out.
- Oh, suck my dick.
Your father slaves away, then this is how you talk.
Everybody, get out of here.
Get out.
Out.
Go.
Go.
Oh, stop with the cursing.
Mr.
Dzubenko, my name is Jackie.
Is it okay if I talk to you for a minute? We're still waiting for your MRI, but it looks like you had a stroke.
I wanted to give you a little test.
Is that all right? Three questions.
That's it.
Can you smile for me? Okay.
Can you lift both arms for me? Nice work.
Good work.
Can you say something to me? It can be anything at all.
Okay.
That's okay.
I hear you.
I need a pregnancy test.
Why, certainly.
Welcome.
My pleasure.
You have been here three times in four months.
- All for pregnancy tests.
- I'm not talking to you.
- I'm talking to her.
- This is an emergency room.
- Go to a drugstore.
- Home kits are like 15 bucks.
I don't have that kind of money laying around.
Okay, now you do.
Get out of my ER.
Bitch.
I can't believe she took the money.
Yeah, bullshit like that comes in all the time clogs up the waiting room, slows everybody down.
It wasn't even my 20.
I got it off a dead guy in the morgue.
I was kidding, Zoey.
Just kidding.
I love jokes.
Get a wheelchair, please.
Hi, sweetie.
What's your name? Stephanie.
My mom has lupus.
Good thing you're here.
How old are you, sweetie? - Ten.
- Double digits.
Well, then, your mom goes to the front of the line.
Thank you.
But I go with her, right? That's right.
Will you see if Dzubenko has a bed? - Where is she going? - She's coming with me.
Not if it's over the yellow line.
No one under the age of 15 is permitted over the yellow line or in the ICU.
That's a blatant lie.
That Nelson kid is only 4, and he's in the ICU.
- He's on a ventilator.
- He is still in the ICU.
You've got to be specific next time.
Come on.
- Who are you with, young lady? - My grandmom's coming from Jersey.
Follow me.
We're gonna wait for her in the nurses' station.
It's all right, honey.
I'll come and get you in a little bit, okay? Grinchy fucker.
It's killing me, Kevin.
She's 10, but she's still my baby.
She's way too young to be so miserable.
We'll figure this out.
I can't have all my girls stressed out at once.
Please.
Fiona is not stressed.
Yeah.
It'd take a lot to rattle that kid's cage.
She asked for a blowtorch for her birthday.
Oh, my God.
I hope that's a joke.
Funny, maybe.
A joke, no.
Listen, I got Queens covered.
Do something to take your mind off it, all right? Promise me you'll stop worrying.
I promise.
I love you.
Me too.
Hey.
Come see me later? You bet.
Dr.
West, call 399.
Dr.
West, call 399.
A minute? Let me know when the grandmother arrives.
- That's it? - Lf no one comes let's get Social Services involved.
I'll be in my office.
What you doing? I have a spelling test.
May I? What was her blood pressure this morning? One-twenty over 80.
Is your grandma really coming? You wanna see your mom? This is the daughter.
Her name is Stephanie.
She's 10.
Be cool.
Well, hello there, Stephanie.
How are you? I'm Dr.
Cooper.
Want a sticker? Ten, not 2.
- She's a kid, Jackie.
- Do you think I would bring her in here if she couldn't handle it? You're not always right, okay? What do you know about kids? Show her some respect, please.
How about you let me do my job? Your job is to provide your patient with the best care which includes informing the caregiver of her condition.
She is the caregiver.
Get your head out of your ass.
Are you kidding me? Freak.
- Hey, Coop.
- Hey.
Hey.
Sportster or Fat Boy? Sportster 2005883L.
Nice.
Low saddle, rubber-mounted engines.
You ride? No, I'm into it.
Like, I have an appreciation for it but, you know.
I don't wanna deal with parking.
And the insurance on these things? Fucking insane.
Your mother's convinced you'll kill yourself, right? Yeah, pretty much.
Good call.
- All right.
- Hey, where you going to eat? You know, I'm probably staying right around here.
I'll probably grab a sandwich out of the caf.
Wrong answer.
No cafeteria food for my buddy Eddie.
Tonight, it's you, me and Quiznos.
Actually, I shouldn't, Coop.
Not listening.
Quiznos.
Embrace the toasty goodness, huh? My stalker bought me a coffee.
I should have said no, but he got to stare at my ass as I walked away, so it's a win for both of us.
Thor.
God bless him.
- How's Randy? - He's good.
We got a flat-screen.
He let me watch the Jets even though there was skating on.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Make sure you put that in your vows.
You need love in your life, lady.
- Seriously, I'm gonna set you up.
- Yeah, seriously, do not.
If I had a choice between George Clooney's cock and this cup of coffee, I'd go coffee.
Clooney's got a house on Lake Como.
I'm just saying.
You are healthcare professionals.
Stop smoking.
Dr.
Zander's head of Pulmonary.
Keep moving, Gloria.
He's trying to say something.
Thirsty? He's got the water right in front of him.
Bedpan? With stroke patients, you have to slow down.
Give him a chance to process what you are asking.
He is still in there.
I'm sorry.
You know my husband better than me.
How do I get so lucky to have a nurse who knows my Alex so well? Thank you, God.
Listen, this man has had a stroke.
You are lucky he's alive, so be patient or get out.
- This is a hospital.
- We're here to save lives.
Oh, famished.
Could really use a bite.
Oh, I can't tonight.
Sorry, have we met? What could possibly be more fulfilling than dining with me? I'll go.
Done.
- Are you kidding me? - I'm not.
That's how easily you're replaced.
Small fork.
Work from the outside in.
Just excited to be eating in a place like this.
And with a doctor.
Christ, what have I done? I can't believe people eat so late.
It's crazy.
Make-A-Wish Foundation.
I think it's really interesting how you use humor to cover up your real emotions.
Somebody in your past must have really hurt you.
And I'm sorry for that because I think you're one of the most generous people I've ever met.
Darling the point of these little feasts is to eat and never to dip into whatever the hell that was.
If you think you've got a chance of getting a pudding you better come up to the surface where I can breathe.
Okay? Next subject.
My dad's in prison for manslaughter.
Fabulous.
Go.
Miller, Radiology, line four.
Dr.
Miller.
Eddie.
Hey, Jackie.
Hey, why don't you pull up a chair.
I still have some left.
No, it's okay.
No, you know what? I'm good.
I have to I was gonna I just wanted to get the Never mind.
She's kind of you know? She can sort of come off a little: I am Jackie.
Bow to me.
But I did grab her boob once.
She was cool about it.
Her boob, really? Oh, shit, man.
Now you're looking at me like I'm some kind of perv.
I swear to God, bro, it was a total accident.
I have this neurological thing.
It's sort of like a physical stutter.
You're so full of shit.
You didn't hear it from me but Mo-Mo wants a slice of pepperoni pizza and a sugar doughnut.
Look at you matchmaking.
- Thanks for the tip.
- You got it.
I know it's not really your thing, but hear me out.
An asymmetrical bob and the slightest touch of bronzer Thank you, Thor.
She's much better already.
It's gonna be hard, but I know you can handle it.
All we did was share a sandwich.
Well, what's next? He's gonna buy you a houseboat? It killed me when you walked in.
I couldn't get rid of the guy.
This This is all for one patient? Yeah.
Her 10-year-old's taking care of her.
The insurance is shit.
You're a good egg, Jackie Peyton.
I don't know about that.
So you have my cell number, day and night.
Yes, thank you.
And Dr.
Cooper wanted me to tell you what a great job you're doing.
He was very impressed.
Thanks.
- I could have got these by myself.
- I know, I know.
But you've got better things to do.
You have a spelling test tomorrow.
Daffodil.
D-A-F-F-O-D-l-L.
- What did you say about me? - Why don't you get out of here? You should not speak to each other like this.
Yeah, well, you speak to her like everything's fine.
Dr.
Davis, please call the pharmacy.
Dr.
Davis, call the pharmacy.
Note cards? You think he can read note cards? He won't even nod his head yes or no.
"Shut the fuck up.
" "Seriously.
" For the love Whose taser is this? This is a weapon, okay? Danger.
This should not be lying around a hospital.
It's like running a special-ed preschool.
Taser? Been there, sister.
Fifteen minutes, you're good as new.
Here we go.
- There we go.
- Get off Get off me.
You ate my pizza and my doughnut.
I had to listen to Thor perform three new songs from his club act.
I earned it.
Well, see you.
Mrs.
Akalitis? I see your feet.
I can spot a pair of Easy Spirit career collection from 20 paces.
It was an accident.
Something that would have never happened if you all took more pride in the integrity of maintaining your workplace.
You tasered yourself.
Twenty-three.
Come here.
- Hey, stop him.
- Hey! Come here.
Hey.
I got you.
I got Got him.
You're all right.
I'll see you tomorrow.
I'm not what you think I am.
I am.
I know that you do what you think you have to to get the job done.
But I have been fucking the system for over 30 years.
There's not a move in this repertoire that I haven't already seen.
We'll see.
Hey, honey.
Did you have a long night? Well, there was this kid.
Yeah? How was Gracie? She had a meltdown.
Her pencil kept breaking, and she couldn't She fell apart.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll be up.
- Hello? - Nurse Jackie, it's Stephanie.
Hi.
Hi, sweetie.
How are you? I'm sorry to call you.
Please don't be sorry.
Take a deep breath.
Tell me what's going on with your mom.
Well, I gave her the Anatrin after she ate, like you said but she just woke up, and her arm she can't really move it.
It hurts too much.
All right, sweetie, listen.
This is what you're gonna do, okay? Find a Percocet.
That's the blue one.
And get a butter knife and cut the pill in half, okay? Do you have any cranberry juice? - Yes.
- Okay.
Take half the pill, give it to your mom with a little bit of juice.
All right? Okay.
She'll be fine.