Rivals (2024) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Fancy a bite, Rupert?
Ugh, that's wrong.
Mr Campbell-Black,
may I interest you in some pudding?
Yes, you can.
Oh, shit.
Uh, I was coming to find you.
Here's me thinking you were going
to grandmother's house.
My grandmother lives in Ireland.
Um, I had some leftovers from a job I did.
It's a spare jam roly-poly.
Can I interest you in a-a bite?
A bit of it?
I'll have one.
Hi, Bas. I made it with rhubarb.
Yeah.
Mmm. Oh, my God.
This is excellent. You're not having any?
No, I'm fine. Should we head back?
Okay then.
Bye, darling.
- Bye.
- Delicious.
Well, someone's got
a huge schoolgirl crush.
Don't be ridiculous.
She's just being thoughtful.
I was talking about you.
Roly-poly.
You lucky bugger.
I'm not lucky at all.
I promised Declan
I wouldn't go anywhere near her.
Well, I'm glad to see
you kept your promise.
And now,
our TV pick of the week,
Declan O'Hara has been dominating
the front pages,
pictured visiting 10 Downing Street
with Minister for Sport,
Rupert Campbell-Black.
This week, Mrs Thatcher
returns the invitation,
putting herself in the hot seat
for a good O'Hara grilling.
As Declan's star rises even higher
at Corinium than it did at the BBC,
we're asking ourselves,
"Is this the most powerful man
in television?"
Mr O'Hara, Enid Spink.
- Big fan. I'll be watching Thursday.
- Mm-hmm.
Give that milk-snatcher
a run for her money.
I won't let her off easily.
You have my word.
Dame Enid,
can I take you through to studio two?
We can't keep Mr Vereker waiting.
Now, James, we have a real treat today,
don't we?
Yes, Sarah. One of England's
leading contemporary composers.
- And she is a Rutshire resident.
- Ooh.
So let's have a warm Cotswold Round-Up
welcome for our special guest,
Dame Edna Spink.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ah. Well, now that was quite
an entrance, Dame Edna.
May I call you Edna?
As long as you're not going to ask me
to put on a lilac wig
and stuff my bra with loo roll.
Apologies, Dame Enid.
You really are a dumb blonde,
aren't you, dear?
Well, thank you very much.
- So, uh, judges' desk here.
- Mm-hmm.
Smashing view of
the girls in their swimwear.
- Ah, beauty contest.
- You are not the only show I'm producing.
Miss Corinium is exactly what
the IBA wants to see us doing.
- Good regional wholesome fun.
- Mm-hmm. It was Daysee's brainchild.
Daysee has a brain?
Who knew?
- Um, Declan?
- Yeah.
Did you get me an autograph?
Mrs Thatcher?
I'm so sorry, Daysee. I completely forgot.
I'll get it when she comes in, okay?
Okay, so how was the meeting?
You and Rupert looked
pretty cosy in those photos.
- Was Thatcher friendly?
- Define friendly.
Two boxers circling each other
before the big fight.
Thatcher?
She's my Wembley Stadium.
Do you think I should save
Northern Ireland for part two?
After the Sunday shopping bill?
This matters a lot to you.
I have wanted to interview her ever since
she handbagged her way into number ten.
But the BBC would never let me at her,
show everyone who she really is.
Whatever she's doing,
people want more of it.
She is selling the state off
to the highest bidder.
Now she has turned this country into
a land of haves and have-nots, Cameron.
And you're one of the haves.
Yeah. Well, I mean
I wasn't always.
Declan, sorry to disturb.
Lord B wants you in his office right now.
Pardon me, Joyce.
A friend at Westminster
slipped me something.
You're not going to believe it.
It's a draft of a white paper.
This is embargoed, right?
- Declan.
- Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Joyce.
Um, tell Tony
I'll catch up with him later, all right?
"A local authority shall not promote
the teaching in any maintained school
of the acceptability of homosexuality
as a pretended family relationship."
I mean, it's inhumane.
This is going to make gay people's lives
harder than they already are.
Having a tea party?
Inside track in a new
government policy. Fascinating reading.
What do you need?
The PM's office has faxed a list
of questions they want you to ask.
"How do you manage to balance
motherhood and your demanding job?"
"D-Do you miss Wilberforce the Cat
now that he's retired?"
Is this a joke?
Well, if you don't agree,
she won't do the interview.
Just tell them we agree.
And then when I get her on the show,
I can ask me own questions.
You don't care that screwing
the government might risk the franchise?
I care that conceding to this shite
risks my reputation, our reputation.
Tony, he's right.
Once we're live,
she can hardly walk off set, can she?
You promised me editorial freedom, Tony.
I'll ask what I want.
- This is my interview.
- This is my company.
And I don't ask questions
about fucking cats.
Get James Vereker up here now.
Tony, I--
It said Edna on the cue cards.
If anyone's head needs to roll here,
it's Deirdre's.
Sit down.
No hard feelings.
The Prime Minister?
Declan is yesterday's news.
I feel honoured
sharing that sofa with you.
Well, after my Thatcher interview,
there is a very good chance
you'll be on that sofa alone.
I won't be able to film a teatime show
when I've got the prime-time slot.
Well, do you think
I'm good enough to fly solo?
Paul never even watches our show.
Does, um-- Does Lizzie?
Oh, Lizzie?
No, she's always too busy writing.
I don't know why she bothers.
It'll just get rejected like the last one.
Well, if I were your wife, I wouldn't be
able to take my eyes off you for a second.
Oh?
What the fuck are you playing at?
No one wants to see Vereker
interview the Prime Minister.
Better than watching you
interview an empty chair.
You'll have to get Rupert back
for another love-in.
Oh, okay.
This is because I didn't eviscerate Rupert
for you like you wanted?
No, it's because you won't do
what you're bloody well told.
I bring 20 million viewers
to your station each week.
If you don't like the way I work,
then I quit.
You might own Corinium, Tony,
but you don't own me.
Hmm. As it happens, I sort of do.
Firstly, there's that tax bill
I cleared for you.
Secondly, well,
I was warned you were hard to control.
Luckily, I got a little insurance policy.
Patrick's, uh, godfather, I gather,
got rather close to Maud
last year, didn't he?
Your wife certainly
likes a man with a moustache.
You have no idea.
Maud and I don't have secrets.
All right.
But I wonder how happy
young Taggie is gonna be
when she sees her mother's naked arse
across the centrefold of the Scorpion.
Be sure to cancel any plans
you have for Friday night.
Your 20 million viewers will be
watching you judge a beauty contest.
Bingo.
Fuck!
Fuck!
- You're home early.
- I've taken the week off.
I can finally fix the roof.
And mow the lawn.
So, what about Mrs Thatcher?
- Tony's given it to Vereker.
- Why? What did you do?
I didn't do anything.
Well, I'm surprised you
didn't resign on the spot then.
I would have, but as it turns out,
I couldn't.
What does that mean?
Prime Minister.
Yes, Mr Vereker.
How is it you manage
to be the perfect woman,
balancing motherhood and
our country with such effortless grace?
Well, any woman
who understands the problems
of running a home
will be nearer to understanding
the difficulties of running a country.
And next, the one about
her relationship with Reagan?
No, I'd go for
something more personal,
while you have her in a soft mood.
Oh, yeah. You might be right.
This is fun, isn't it?
Like your days on the Bristol Post
when we used to practise together.
- Got another one. Ready?
- Yes.
Okay. Uh
How do the men in your cabinet
respond to your authority, Prime Minister?
Well,
Mr Vereker-- Or can I call you James?
The way I see it,
being powerful is like being a lady.
If you have to tell people you are
then you aren't.
What are you doing?
Just trying to have a bit of fun.
- Please don't.
- Okay.
- You're not 26 anymore.
- No.
Um right.
The train
now arriving on platform two
is the 8:36 to London Paddington.
"Letty's nipples hardened
with desire
as Ferdy led her through the kitchen.
And in the darkness of the scullery,
he lifted her red taffeta skirt.
His fingers sought out
the ladder in her tights.
'I love a ladder,'
Ferdy whispered gruffly.
'Stairway to heaven and all that.'
Letty gasped urgently
as he lingered on
the soft fleshy openings in the nylon.
Step by step, he climbed
his way up her inner thigh
until he could feel
the biblical heat of her burning bush."
You're a genius.
It's going to be a smash hit.
Darling, we both know this isn't James.
You simply have to be playing away.
Oh, I've-- I've been
far too busy writing, Carole.
You know what they say.
Keep the drama on the page.
I've never heard such nonsense.
Now tell me. This man of yours, our hero,
he's simply too good not to be true.
Freddie Jones.
What are you doing here?
Long, hard day at the coalface.
I saw you running down the platform.
Oh, lunch ran on.
I was plied with champagne
and completely lost track of time.
Gentlemen buying you champagne,
no less than you deserve.
Today was good.
I was actually celebrating with my agent.
She loved the first
three chapters of my book.
Well, why don't we continue
the celebration in first class?
I only have a second-class ticket.
If the conductor comes,
I'll pay the difference.
Come on.
I can't imagine how clever
you got to be to write a book.
I don't think I could have done any of it
without your incredible equipment.
I mean, your word processor.
Oh. Ah.
- Mmm.
- No, no. Valerie would kill me.
She's got me on the Scarsdale diet.
I've only had two boiled eggs today.
Well, then you must eat.
Is it fruit cake?
- I made it.
- Giz it here.
Personally, I find
diets have the opposite effect.
They just make me fatter.
Oh, wow.
Tickets, please.
Ladies and gents, have your tickets ready.
Looks like we're not gonna
get away with it after all.
No, you don't. Complete waste of money.
Come on. We're nearly at our stop.
Lock it.
Bit of a tight squeeze.
Maybe we should
both be on the Scarsdale diet.
Perhaps I should have just paid.
Absolutely not.
And miss all the fun?
Next stop, Cotchester.
We will shortly be arriving
at Cotchester station.
Thank you for saving me £2.50.
Thank you for saving me
from falling asleep
and waking up in Gloucester.
The train now
leaving platform one
My chapters.
Oh, I left them.
Bugger.
No.
Careful, Freddie.
Oh.
- Keeping busy, Charles?
- Good morning, Tony.
Morning, girls.
Excited to meet the Iron Lady?
You should be. She's the only woman
I've ever met
who's a tougher bitch than you.
I hope you're not still sulking.
The country wants to see
Thatcher locking horns with Declan,
not that dipshit, James Vereker.
This is self-sabotage, Tony.
Call Declan.
He can be here in half an hour.
Forget Declan.
I've got something to cheer you up.
Cuatros Hombres Agrícolas
has been nominated for an award.
Four Men Went To Mow.
You're gonna need to
brush up on your Spanish
if you're gonna go to Málaga
next month to collect it.
- An award?
- We're big in Spain, apparently.
What say we go together?
Stay in a hotel, walk the red carpet.
Just the two of us.
Hmm.
Now am I forgiven?
- Call Declan.
- No.
All right, everyone.
True Blue Tory smiles, please.
Where's the photographer?
Come on. Come on. Up front. Right there.
Get the shot as soon
as she steps out the car, yes?
A nice big one for the office wall.
Is that-- She's due, right?
- Yeah, she's due. She's late.
- That's all right.
There she is. Come on, you lot,
we're making history here!
Come on! Imagine it's George Michael.
Mrs Thatcher, welcome to Corinium.
And now for
a very special episode of Declan,
featuring none other than our
Prime Minister, Mrs Thatcher.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to the stage
tonight's guest presenter, James Vereker.
Stop it. You're too kind.
I know what you're thinking.
"When did Declan become so handsome?"
Got some ingredients for a Bolognese.
I thought it might tempt
Daddy out of his study.
He's watching the interview.
Mummy, you should have stopped him.
A long time since I've had any influence.
Don't cook for me.
Not hungry.
- Yes?
- Malhar, darling.
Uh, did I disturb you?
Everything about you disturbs me,
Mrs O'Hara.
I can't bear it any longer.
I need to see you.
What's wrong with your father?
They're saying he's ill.
Where is he?
Declan?
Declan?
People are saying you're ill.
- You don't look ill, just paralytic.
- Fuck off, Rupert.
The PM knew you'd never show
her caring side, so she dodged the fight.
She knows what she's doing.
And now, thanks to James Vereker,
we all know
what Denis got for his birthday.
And that she swaps recipes
with Nancy Reagan.
Tony should have let me at her, Rupert.
- Give me the bottle. Jesus.
- Give me that.
- Taggie.
- Stop it.
Come on.
Come on. Up you get, big boy.
Up, up, up, up, up.
I'm sorry, Tag.
He'll have one hell
of a hangover in the morning.
He has one every morning now.
Mummy's given up, so it's all me and--
I don't know how men work.
It's people. I don't understand them.
How to help them.
Could you--
Yeah, I'm gonna be here first thing.
I'll bring him round. Don't worry.
Your supper's gone cold.
I can heat it up.
There's more if you wanna stay.
See you in the morning.
Ferdy's hands
roamed over Letty's back and hips,
gripping her tightly as he drove
her towards the edge of pleasure.
Finally, with a cry of release,
they both came together,
their bodies convulsing with
the force of their shared orgasm.
- Freddie!
- Good morning.
Well, today and every day this week,
- we're going to be in the studio
- Fred-Fred!
- Fred-Fred!
- Shit.
What on earth is going on?
The Green Goddess is waiting.
Were you looking at pornography?
I swear on my life I was not.
It's you look sexy in that.
Honestly, Frederick, time and a place.
And now we've missed our chance
to go for the burn.
Freddie.
I wanted to bring this back.
That was so kind of you.
You looked like Superman
running after the train.
I'm sorry, I, uh
I wondered if you might
agree to come to lunch with me.
I mean, not now.
Not in my dressing gown.
I was thinking maybe the Black Horse
in Bisley, you know, it's very, uh--
Discreet.
Exactly.
I can't tell you how many times
in the last few weeks
I've hoped you'd ask me
a question like this.
Now you're here
I realise that I can't.
I'm so sorry, Freddie.
Uh, I'm married.
Thank you, though, for asking
and for the manuscript.
I hope you don't mind
I read your chapters.
Oh.
They were brilliant
and sexy
like you.
Thank you.
Mummy, where are you?
Mummy!
Coming.
Thank you.
- There she is.
- Taggie.
Oh, my God.
Caitlin, have you been expelled?
I've got an exeat.
I'm used to Mummy and Daddy
forgetting about me, not you, Tag.
Caught her
hitchhiking from Cotchester Station.
I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
- Your father where I left him?
- Hmm. Yeah.
I'm taking him out.
Thank you.
Declan, we're going to lunch,
then I want your opinion on a horse.
Is Mummy still in bed too?
No, she left before I got up.
Just here?
Keep the change, yeah? Thank you.
Ah. It's not like you to be early.
I've missed you.
Oh, it's very tempting.
But I actually have
something else in mind.
Henry Hampshire spotted him the other day.
Alan doesn't realise
how good his bloodline is.
His grandsire was a marvel.
Look how long the legs are.
Is that what you look for?
This age, you want them still
a bit gangly, awkward.
Bit of an ugly gelding,
but you can see the swan he'll grow into.
Sometimes you can just tell by the eyes.
A lot to be said for a pair of kind,
honest eyes.
What's his name?
Hmm, Venturer.
Hmm.
Yeah, sold. Alan?
I'll take him off your hands,
see what I can do with him.
Shall we say two and a half?
Sorry,
Mr Campbell-Black.
I've just had an offer
I can't afford to refuse.
What the fuck, Freddie?
Sorry, Rupe, didn't know it was you.
Hampshire tipped me off.
He was going on the low side.
I don't like doing things on the cheap,
so I've offered him five grand.
Fi--
I've always wanted a racehorse.
Unless you fancy a syndicate.
Valerie was fuming.
You-- You know,
she thinks you're a very bad man.
- Oh, is she a good judge of character?
- She's had practise.
She's been judging my character
since we were 15.
- Fifteen?
- Yeah, she's a good girl.
She's stuck by me through thick and thin.
You know, I've--
I've never even had another girlfriend.
He's speechless. Look at him.
Look.
Still, you two lads make an odd couple.
How did you become so friendly?
Well, we met just after I moved down here
and then we got chatting
after a few months,
and it turns out
we're allergic to the same thing.
Bullshit?
Baddingham!
Let's not waste time
on that bastard.
Let's drink to the horse
that brought us together today.
Venturer.
- Venturer!
- Yeah.
Girls, not long till show time.
Yeah, well, remember, guys
Remember, everyone,
this is a beauty contest,
so tits out, shoulders back.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
I got it from Littlewoods.
Like it?
- I didn't know you were a contestant.
- Right, everyone.
Ready for the final rehearsal?
- First positions, please.
- Cameron.
Cameron. Reverend Penney's car
hasn't arrived
and Rutshire Cabs can't get to him
for at least an hour.
What? Penney is our most important judge.
We need him here now.
I could get him if I had a car.
Take mine.
Hi. Hello. Hi, everyone. Hello.
Hello, ladies.
Looking forward
to getting to know you all.
- Can I show you my special talent?
- Um, quite.
I loved your interview with Mrs Thatcher.
So caring.
Thank you so much, Miss, um, Bisley.
Josh,
then introduce the judges,
Wesley Emerson, Wesley Emerson.
Reverend Penney, Penney, Penney, Penney.
Penney for your thoughts. Spend a Penney.
Penney, Penney, Penney, Penney--
Good Lord, Sarah. Bloody hell.
I'm so thrilled to be one
of the final six contestants.
Do you think there's a chance
I might take home the crown tonight?
Oh.
Um
Well, Miss Cotchester
that depends on your
s-special talent,
doesn't it?
Yes, Sarah. Oh.
Oh, naughty Sarah. Yes, oh.
What can I do? I can't leave.
- Leave him. He's not worth it.
- No. Look,
if I didn't have
a-a-a truly gargantuan mortgage, I--
Fuck the mortgage.
I would tell him
where to stick his beauty contest.
Jesus, what time is it?
It's just gone 5:00. Why?
I'm supposed to be judging Miss Corinium.
That field. Uh, just--
just up ahead there.
Uh, pull in there, child.
I promised my producer
I'd be as quick as possible. I--
Just here. Just here.
There's a beautiful view. You should see.
Great. Let's go straight away again
from the top, please, girls.
Cue playback. At five, six, seven, eight.
Smiling.
Someone's on the wrong hip.
Uh, sir, it's very lovely,
but we're already late.
Um, we should go.
What did you say your name was, dear?
Daysee, sir.
Daysee.
Great. Come down single file.
Straight down the lens, girls,
so really big smiles.
Gorgeous. Beautiful.
Yes. Lovely, lovely. Yes.
Manley Hopkins thought that spring
was rejoicing in life's juices.
What do you think, Daysee?
- Hmm?
- I think that
No.
Yes, ladies.
Please, stop.
Up. Up. Up
And back. Hold it there.
Whose idea was the big number?
Daysee's.
- It's not half bad.
- Well done, Daysee.
Now, come on, girl. We're late.
I mean, that golden duck
at the Oval.
That'll go down in history.
Ah, you're too kind.
Are you trying to make me
same colour as James Vereker?
Welcome to the Cotswolds.
Uh, Sandra, a little bit of that
translucent powder is probably best.
Cameron Cook. Controller of Programmes.
Stole her from the Yanks.
Most talented woman I've ever met.
- I don't doubt it.
- Make sure Wesley gets star treatment.
He is one of my
all-time cricketing heroes.
This way, Your Eminence.
Reverend.
I'm so glad you made it.
I trust my staff have
taken good care of you.
Oh, indeed, they have, Tony.
And, uh, from what I've seen so far
the franchise is safe.
Oh, so pleased
to have your support, Fergus.
Now I've gotta get a show on the road.
Drinks on me afterwards, yes?
Oh, good.
What on earth happened to you?
Okay, come on. Come on.
Here you go.
Who did this to you?
You have to tell me who it was.
Silence only protects
the monster who did this.
I promise you.
I will make them pay.
If you don't report him, dear,
what about all the other innocent girls
he might prey on next?
I offered to drive to help with your bid.
Please don't be cross with me.
You've done nothing wrong.
No one's gonna be angry with you.
It was the Reverend Penney.
You certain you didn't lead him on?
You're such a friendly girl.
No. I-- I--
I was really professional.
You know Reverend Penney's
very important to us, don't you?
I know you're a team player.
Valued member of the Corinium family.
So
let's forget this whole thing
ever happened. Don't you think?
That's a good girl.
You're gonna go far here.
I'm sure Miss Madden
will help tidy yourself up.
Good girl.
Sorry, it's all wardrobe had.
All this talk of equal rights,
nothing really changes.
One rule for them, one for us.
Di-Did I spoil everything for the bid?
Not at all.
He'll get off scot-free.
He won't think he's done a thing wrong.
This terrible thing which has
happened to you is your secret.
It's also your weapon.
Use it to get what you want from them.
Do you hear me?
Don't be sad. Be angry.
It'll serve you better, dear.
Goodness sake. Come on.
Ooh, hello. Just a few sips.
- You can lead a horse to water, Seb
- Declan, please.
Hey, Daysee. Nice dress.
Daysee? Daysee, what's wrong?
What's happened, Joyce?
Daysee. Daysee, wait.
Daysee.
From the Welsh Borders
to the dreaming spires of Oxford.
From Southampton to Stratford-upon-Avon.
Live from Cotchester,
this is Miss Corinium.
And here are your hosts,
James Vereker and Sarah Stratton.
Right, here we go. Show time.
Caitlin, it's starting!
Good evening. Good evening.
- Thank you.
- I've got popcorn.
What an array of jewels
we have here tonight, Sarah,
and I don't just mean the tiaras.
The girls waiting backstage
this evening are gems, are they not?
They certainly are, James.
- I know a diamond when I see one
- Two minutes left of intro.
especially being a bit of
a sparkler myself.
- Indeed you are.
- Standby, audience cutaways on three.
Sarah, you're an absolute bobby-dazzler.
Your husband is a very lucky man.
Sarah's looking sensational,
don't you think?
- Mm-hmm.
- All mine, of course.
Only 'cause she's already
been everyone else's.
but she will also win a screen test
to become our new teatime weather girl.
Standby judges cutaways on two.
before we meet our contestants,
let's meet our judging panel.
First up, it's demon bowler
and local cricketing hero,
Wesley Emerson.
And then of course, there's
Corinium's very own Declan O'Hara.
Back in the saddle today after his brief
indisposition earlier in the week.
And here to ensure
we're all behaving ourselves,
ex-prebendary from the Church of England,
Reverend Fergus Penney.
Please give a big round of applause
for our judging panel.
Miss Chipping Sodbury is 21 years old.
She's training to be a driving instructor.
She looks so pretty.
- Yeah.
- enjoys breeding miniature poodles.
Oh, to be a creature in
Miss Chipping Sodbury's care.
Last Friday, we danced against Rugborough,
and one lot of boys took some
fifth-formers up on the garage roof,
and they were smoking and drinking
and telling the teachers to fuck off.
Oh,
and the gym mistress found
three condoms in the rhododendrons.
- She's now focusing on planning
- That's nice.
her upcoming wedding.
But Rupert's nicer, hey?
Shut up.
- Each of our contestants tonight
- Okay three,
- hold the two shot. Four
- also has a special talent.
- take the close-ups.
- It's going really well.
spinning her way into our hearts.
That's my sister!
Awesome!
Isn't she good?
Hip-notic.
Miss Wotton-under-Edge is
a fabulous 5'7" tall
and is a full 33, 25, 36.
Shite.
- Now, judges, Miss Bisley stands
- Are you drunk?
at an elegant 5'4".
Her measurements are 36, 24, 36.
Some might describe her
as perfection itself.
Reverend Penney,
are you looking for perfection tonight?
Oh, uh, well,
perfection is not my concern.
The qualities that I'm looking for
in the inaugural Miss Corinium,
uh, consists of, uh,
a healthy body and sound morals.
You filthy, hypocritical, old git.
Fucking hell.
What the fuck is he doing? Cut the feed.
Cut the feed.
Jesus H. Christ.
I only left the house for a minute.
What just happened?
Oh, my God. Mummy.
Um, gosh.
- Not so brave now, are you?
- Oh, my
You'll get what's coming to you.
Answer the phone.
He's ruined everything.
Answer the bloody phone.
Just do it!
You let that religious fraud get away
with raping one of your employees
and then you parade all those young girls
in front of him like a fucking menu?
I am out of this cesspit for good.
Mm-hmm. You flouted my authority
at every opportunity,
but I'm not sure
we can let you go just yet.
Hmm.
Don't touch me.
How does it feel, Tony? Huh?
How does it feel to be weak
- and hopeless?
- I'll have you locked up for GBH.
I'd be freer inside than
I ever will be working for you.
Fuck you.
I quit.
Always so melodramatic.
You missed your calling.
Well, enjoy the morning papers.
You should probably let Maud know
she's gonna be a star again.
Bloody hell.
I'd hate to see
what he does with a driver.
Are you okay?
Can I give you a lift somewhere?
You should call the police, Daysee.
Report that sick bastard.
She told you.
And that's why you hit him.
I didn't
need your help, Declan.
I'm sorry, Daysee.
I-I just
Daysee.
Why couldn't you have
kept your mouth shut?
Just quit my job.
Get in the car, lads. Let's get rat-arsed.
As I say, Declan O'Hara will be
strongly dealt with
in the coming days, very publicly too.
Good.
Whilst I don't hold
with vengeance,
there's no place for violence
and vulgarity on our screens.
No, no, you have my word, Fergus.
Thank you.
Deirdre! Deirdre.
Deirdre, please make sure
the Reverend Penney gets home safely.
Yes, Lord Baddingham.
Order a minicab, Deirdre.
- Bye, Fergus.
- Bye, Tony.
I'll get the glaziers in.
Have this delivered to Beattie Johnson
at the Scorpion from an anonymous source.
Miss Madden! Joyce!
- Has anyone been in my office?
- Not to my knowledge.
Fuck!
Is he dead?
He will be when Mummy's done with him.
Oh, fuck.
Hmm.
I don't wanna be that woman who's waiting
for her husband to come home.
It's-- It's not me.
I need to go back to work.
Well, that's good
because I resigned last night.
It will be easier for you
if we go back to London.
I saw Malhar.
I-- I asked him if I could audition
for his new show.
I mean, there's nothing in it for me.
I'm too old.
I'm sorry, love.
You should've told me.
What happened to us?
Can we fix it?
Who the fuck is that?
Fuck.
Is Tony trying to hound me into the grave?
He doesn't know I'm here.
- I shouldn't have told you about Daysee.
- Yeah?
I'd probably have hit
the old pervert anyway.
Sometimes Lord Baddingham needs
a bit of help to steer the right course.
Thank you.
Gertrude!
Gertrude! Oh, come back!
Gertrude!
You all right?
- Can I walk with you?
- No, you can't.
I asked for your help,
and you got him drunk
and let him implode on live television.
He's a grown man, Taggie.
We are in so much debt.
We can't afford the mortgage
without Daddy working.
- Mummy's already packing.
- What are you talking about?
This is the only place I have ever loved,
and now we have to leave.
He's Declan O'Hara.
He'll find another job.
Not here.
Gertrude, come on.
You know, I could've told you
you and Declan were never gonna work out.
Neither of you could bear
not being big dog.
- So am I big dog now?
- You're the last dog standing.
- So what do we do now?
- Hmm.
We have to put something out there.
Not an apology.
- Oh, God, no.
- Mmm.
He's the one who threw all the punches.
It's not your fault
he can't handle provocation.
And of course, he's also the one
with the drinking problem.
- Mm-hmm?
- Mmm. Very good.
Declan O'Hara tendered
his resignation last night
and we regretfully accepted.
Uh, we have every concern
for the well-being of all our staff,
but Corinium Television
cannot tolerate violence,
particularly towards a vulnerable
and senior guest in our building.
We send Declan our best wishes and support
- as he seeks help for his alcoholism
- Ugh. Turn it off.
and mental disturbance.
Where is he?
Don't look so grim.
Frederico and I have a brilliant new plan.
No offence,
but I'll give it a miss.
One afternoon with you lads
nearly finished me off.
Yeah. We're going back to London.
Sorry, Maud. We can't let ya.
It's business.
Can't let a hot property go to waste.
We're starting a production company
and you're gonna run it.
Partnership.
We're gonna work together. It'll be fun.
We'd trust you on the creative stuff.
- Sorry, lads, but I can't.
- Why not?
You'd be your own master. Like you wanted.
Because I think we should pitch
for the franchise.
But that would mean--
The mother of all takeovers.
Drive Tony Baddingham
out of town once and for all.
I think we've got it in us, don't you?