Small Prophets (2026) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
1
Michael! Michael!
SEAGULLS CAW
Were they barbecuing last night?
Who?
Him, next door, and his girlfriend.
His name's Michael and she's not his
girlfriend.
Right, well, whoever she is.
Anyway, how do you know?
I bumped into her at the shop.
Kacey. She's nice. Whatever.
Right, they were barbecuing,
because I smelled it.
It was just a bonfire.
There are coals on our drive.
Right? They're chucking barbecue
coals on our drive.
What? Why?
I've no idea why.
Why would someone chuck barbecue
coals?
I have no idea what goes through
that man's head. OK?
It's some sort of game he's playing
with me. Thinks he can get to me.
You know, thinks he can get under
my skin.
RINGING TONE
Who are you phoning?
The council.
Antisocial behaviour.
It's only eight o'clock.
There'll be no-one there.
Right. I've got to go.
Go and knock on for him and tell him
to clean it up.
But take photos first, all right?
For evidence.
And then phone the council and
report it.
Antisocial behaviour.
Yes, sir.
MUSIC: The Wise Man's Song
by Cinder Wells
# I know we're older now
# And lost again
# Down at the cul-de-sac
# You left, my friend
# Will you come back,
come back again?
# Will you come back,
come back again?
PHONE RINGS
# I put the kettle on
# The wise man sung for you #
Hi, Hilary.
OK, I'll come over.
Oh, hello, love.
Thanks for ringing. Is he OK?
I don't know, love. He's stressing
about something,
but I can't figure it out.
I don't think he really knows.
He's in his room.
Cheers.
KNOCK AT DOOR
Oh Oh, it's you.
They better not have called you.
Did they call you? I've just come to
see you, like I always do.
I told them not to disturb you.
What's up, Dad? Hilary says you're
getting stressed.
Are you worried about something?
It's all this toot,
you know, crowding me in.
I-I-I'll have to sort it out.
I can't find anything.
OK, I can help you with that.
Is there something that you're
looking for?
Yeah, well, what was it
he said was lost?
Something hidden.
Sorry, who's this? Him!
Him who came looking for something.
A book, a bird book.
Dad, you're getting in a state now.
You're getting right confused.
They're constantly getting at me,
asking me to find things.
OK, I'll tell you what,
I can take some away today.
Let's fill a box with stuff that you
don't think you'll need, and I'll
keep it at my house until
you need it again.
No, you can throw it all away. I
don't want any of it. It's all junk.
Come on, Dad, let's sort through
some and we can take it from there.
What you got there?
It's my old pal Vic Wiffen.
Passed away.
Not, uh, not many of us left now.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.
That's your friend from Canada.
Yeah, yeah. I got a letter from him
only a week ago.
I was always going to go and
visit him but, uh, too late now.
Did you just find this?
Hmm?
Nothing.
You say you had a letter from him
last week?
Couple of days ago.
It's on the side there.
He asked about you.
Always asked about you.
Legend.
Excuse me.
Hello, love.
Do you sell tit boxes?
Tit boxes?
Yes.
Boxes for?
Tits.
Hmm
Blue tits?
Like a nesting box? Yes.
They'll be in the garden section
if we have them. It's, er
I'm sorry, it doesn't look
like we do.
Oh, well.
I tell you what, I might
be able to help.
Might you? Yeah, think so.
Can you come back in, like, an hour?
Yeah, all right. I'll go do the
rest of my shopping.
Smashing. See you back here.
In an hour? That's it.
MUSIC: Nine Pound Hammer
by Little Grasscals
# Oh, the nine-pound hammer
is a little too heavy
# Baby, for my size
# Honey, for my size
# Roll on, buddy,
don't you roll so slow
# How can I roll
when the wheels won't roll?
# So roll on, buddy,
don't you roll so slow
# How can I roll
when the wheels won't go? #
Michael, what the hell?
DRILL WHIRS
DRILL WHIRS
What the he?
What are you doing?
Tit box.
Customer wanted one.
Michael, what's wrong with you?
This is not a
We don't If we don't sell
something, we don't make it on
Oh, here she comes.
Hello, madam. There you go.
Oh, that's lovely, thank you!
Hello, Gordon.
Hello, Mrs Stewart.
How's your mum? She all right?
She's well, thank you, Mrs Stewart.
How much is this?
Erm, it's on us, Mrs Stewart,
with our compliments.
Thanks! Give my love to your mum.
Bye, love.
Why didn't we come back to work
yesterday?
"We"? You.
You said "don't bother coming back".
As a threat!
As in, "if you leave, don't bother
coming back because you're fired".
An employer is not allowed to refuse
an employee reasonable time off
in order to deal with an unexpected
event involving a dependant.
Well Because that would be
unfair dismissal.
I And you would be guilty of
unfair dismissal.
I And I would take you to court
for unfair dismissal.
Get this cleaned up.
All right?
Yeah.
Here, listen to this.
My dad got this letter from his
friend in Canada. All right.
"Dear Brian, thank you for
your last letter.
"All's well here across the pond
although the winter's still"
Goes on a bit.
And then, "How's your boy Michael?
"I'm always interested to hear
what he's up to. Is he well?
"Did he ever find a new partner
and settle down?
"Is he happy these days? I hope so."
Blah, blah, blah
"Your dear friend, Vic."
So?
Well, number one, I don't think I've
ever met the bloke, so I don't know
why he's so interested in
what I'm up to.
Well, he's just being friendly.
And number two, he died
over a decade ago.
Died?
Passed away, dead, in 2009.
And how old's the letter?
Written two weeks ago.
Canada? Yep.
Are you sure he's dead?
I've seen the order of service
from the funeral.
I googled him, found his obituary.
He's dead all right.
Weird.
Can ghosts write letters?
I know they can't lick stamps.
METALLIC SQUEAK
All right, Michael?
Hello, Brigham.
Kacey?
Brigham.
He was slagging you off yesterday.
Gordon. Oh, yeah?
When you didn't come back to work.
Said he was going to fire you.
Yeah? Not that bothered.
Not bothered about getting fired?
Not really, if I'm honest.
Don't
You don't want to
Are you OK?
..get yourself fired, mate.
Why not?
Who's going to make me laugh?
Who's going to come to work on a
long bike?
Be shit without you here, mate.
Right. Erm, cheers, Brigham.
Whatever!
PHONE RINGS
Hello? It's Roy.
Can you speak?
Not really.
I need to come over to the house
with a surveyor.
Why? When?
You know why.
When?
When's convenient? None! No time!
OK. Well, I'm going to come now.
You can't - look, it's, it's not
Hey, how are you doing, Michael?
Yeah, not bad. Er, I was just
wondering if you had an update
on the hedge situation?
Yeah. Er, no. I'm sorry,
I don't know.
Well, I think the chaffinches might
be gone by now, so
You had a bird book the other day.
Yeah. The chaffinches.
Where did you get it from?
The book? Yes.
Um, I think it was my dad's.
My dad's?
No, MY dad's.
Did you go and see my dad?
Your dad? Yes. At the nursing home?
Your dad?
And ask him for a bird book?
You what? Sorry, I don't think I
understand this conversation.
Yes.
It's confusing.
MUSIC: Old Enough
by Cinder Well
# Old enough
# You are old enough
# To know the way
# This is going
# Walk me home
# The long way home
# And go away
# You're not going
# I am golden in the evening
# We are bolder in the morning
# And the long grass
# It is grown
# Over the steps
# Of the door #
Oh, shit.
DOORBELL CHIMES
Hello, Michael. I'm sorry.
I'm not doing this to be a shit.
But, erm, I'm desperate, mate.
I'm bankrupt.
It's been a long time coming and
this house, it belongs to me.
Sorry. Who's that?
She's a surveyor.
I just wanted her to come and have a
look around so we can figure out
what needs to be done before people
can start viewing the property.
Nice to meet you, Michael.
So, can we, erm
Can we come in, please?
Well, I've set some chairs up in
the garden, actually.
We've come to see the house, mate,
not the garden.
Well, you need to give me more time
to tidy up and stuff.
Hey! I need some more time
to tidy up. Roy!
Jesus Christ, what is all this shit?
What are you stockpiling?
It's this way. Come through.
Come through. It's this way.
Erm
Oh, my God, look at this!
It's Christmas, 1979!
There's me, Mum, Clea.
Yeah, would you like to come
through?
The Action Man helicopter.
Mum thought it came with an
Action Man, but didn't.
I never did get an Action Man.
It's this way.
What's that?
Manure.
Stinks.
The house is going on the market in
three weeks' time, Michael.
Three weeks?
Sorry, Michael, you've got no
choice. It's going to happen.
I'm sorry, I thought you were a
surveyor. Solicitor.
You said that she was a surveyor.
Did I? I meant solicitor.
Well, I'll need to talk to my
solicitor.
You don't have a solicitor.
Then I shall get a solicitor.
You should get one.
I'm going to get a solicitor.
It would be much easier if I had a
lawyer to deal with.
Easier? For who?
For everyone, Michael. Christ!
Do not make this more difficult than
it needs to be, please.
And the house obviously needs
to be cleared.
What's in the boxes?
I don't know.
What do you mean, you don't know?
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know what's in the boxes.
They're not mine.
Well, whose are they, then?
They're your sister's.
They're Clea's.
It's stock that she left behind in
locks-ups when she went.
Second-hand books, I think, mainly.
Right, well we can help you
to get rid of them.
Oh, get rid of them?
To figure out what to do with them.
So, what else do you need to know?
So much, mate.
So much.
Hiya, it's me.
Do you want to come round?
It's time.
I think we should probably
wear these too,
just to be on the safe side.
No, mate.
Look, whatever's supposed to have
happened to them in their little
shit pit, has either happened
or it hasn't, right?
Me wearing a Dunelm dressing gown
isn't going to change anything.
Fair enough.
Right, I'm going in.
OK.
Hello, Kacey.
Hiya, Bev.
This is Clive, my husband.
Clive, this is Kacey.
Oh, cool. How are you doing, Kacey?
Has he got you slaving, has he?
Slaving? No, mate, I'm just
I'm just helping out.
Oh, God, yeah. Probably can't say
that nowadays.
No, you can't. Yeah.
It's a minefield, isn't it?
Yeah, not really.
What are you wearing that for?
Well, I don't want to get dirty,
do I, Bev?
You wally!
Right, I'll see you later, love.
See ya. See you later, Kacey.
Why do you always do that?
Do what?
Pretend to be nice. What the hell's
that supposed to mean?
Well, I know you're going to say
something
fucking horrible about her now.
Oh, I can't find 'em! What?
They must've sunk into the ground.
They should be right here.
Argh!
Ah! Oh!
MUD SQUELCHES
Kacey, I nearly went under!
SHE LAUGHS
What the?
What's going on? Where are they?
I don't know. Just wa
Wait, wait.
Hold me arm. I am!
OK, OK, I've got 'em. Yeah,
they've gone right under.
Oh.
Pull us out.
Argh!
We're going to have to
rethink this.
I can feel it.
Is it the right way up?
Yeah, I've got it by its neck.
Right, give it a gentle pull.
Here it comes.
Gently.
You got it? Yeah.
OK, take her inside.
Here she comes.
STRAINING
I've got her.
Hurry up!
All right! Bloody hell.
Here.
Ugh! Yeah.
They've grown.
Have they reached the
stage of whatever?
The state of divination.
I don't know.
How do you find out?
I have to ask 'em a question.
Go on, then.
I don't know what to ask. Mate, you
told me what you wanted to ask.
Yeah, but we should ask them a test
question first.
You know, see if it works.
So, what can they answer questions
on? Anything.
The future, the past, anything.
OK. OK, yeah.
We'll use these.
Yeah? Pick a card and get it
to tell us what it is.
OK. Yeah.
How will it tell us?
Mate, I don't know.
Go on, ask it. Talk to it.
Do you want to play cards?
Yeah? Cards?
Your Majesty.
Oh, yeah. Sorry. Erm, would you like
to play cards, Your Majesty?
OK!
Er, OK, erm, Your Majesty,
what card will I take from
the top of the deck?
Whoa! Oh, my God.
The four of hearts.
Wait. Shuffle them again.
Why? He's chosen.
Yeah, but if he's predicting the
future, you can shuffle them again.
You can shuffle them as many times
as you like.
It won't make a difference.
Once more.
Holy shit!
OK!
All right, Your Majesty, again.
Seven of diamonds?
KACEY LAUGHS EXCITEDLY
Well, I guess it works!
OK! OK, so we know that they can
predict the future.
What else can they do? Can they
Can they solve a crime?
Tell you your deepest secret?
I suppose so.
What about someone else's secret?
Yeah. I suppose.
Your Majesty,
I would like you to tell me
..when was the last time Michael
cried?
Whoa! Whoa! Hang on, no.
I'm just asking her a question!
You can't do that!
Did you cry at Brokeback Mountain?
Well, I mean,
you know, it's a sad film.
Brilliant!
OK, what else?
What else can we ask?
Are there any sports happening now?
There must be, somewhere in the
world, right?
Yes! Here. Copenhagen versus
Skanderborg,
Danish women's handball.
There's, like, ten minutes left.
OK, OK, so what do we ask?
Your Majesty,
right now, Ajax Kobenhavn
It's "eye-ax".
..are playing Skanderborg at home
in Denmark.
Can you tell me,
will Copenhagen win?
OK. So the other team, Skanderborg,
are going to win?
And what will the final score be?
31-29.
OK. What's the score now?
28 all.
Come on!
DANISH COMMENTARY
KACEY SQUEALS, MICHAEL LAUGHS
Oh, my God!
Come here!
THEY CHEER
Michael! Michael!
SEAGULLS CAW
Were they barbecuing last night?
Who?
Him, next door, and his girlfriend.
His name's Michael and she's not his
girlfriend.
Right, well, whoever she is.
Anyway, how do you know?
I bumped into her at the shop.
Kacey. She's nice. Whatever.
Right, they were barbecuing,
because I smelled it.
It was just a bonfire.
There are coals on our drive.
Right? They're chucking barbecue
coals on our drive.
What? Why?
I've no idea why.
Why would someone chuck barbecue
coals?
I have no idea what goes through
that man's head. OK?
It's some sort of game he's playing
with me. Thinks he can get to me.
You know, thinks he can get under
my skin.
RINGING TONE
Who are you phoning?
The council.
Antisocial behaviour.
It's only eight o'clock.
There'll be no-one there.
Right. I've got to go.
Go and knock on for him and tell him
to clean it up.
But take photos first, all right?
For evidence.
And then phone the council and
report it.
Antisocial behaviour.
Yes, sir.
MUSIC: The Wise Man's Song
by Cinder Wells
# I know we're older now
# And lost again
# Down at the cul-de-sac
# You left, my friend
# Will you come back,
come back again?
# Will you come back,
come back again?
PHONE RINGS
# I put the kettle on
# The wise man sung for you #
Hi, Hilary.
OK, I'll come over.
Oh, hello, love.
Thanks for ringing. Is he OK?
I don't know, love. He's stressing
about something,
but I can't figure it out.
I don't think he really knows.
He's in his room.
Cheers.
KNOCK AT DOOR
Oh Oh, it's you.
They better not have called you.
Did they call you? I've just come to
see you, like I always do.
I told them not to disturb you.
What's up, Dad? Hilary says you're
getting stressed.
Are you worried about something?
It's all this toot,
you know, crowding me in.
I-I-I'll have to sort it out.
I can't find anything.
OK, I can help you with that.
Is there something that you're
looking for?
Yeah, well, what was it
he said was lost?
Something hidden.
Sorry, who's this? Him!
Him who came looking for something.
A book, a bird book.
Dad, you're getting in a state now.
You're getting right confused.
They're constantly getting at me,
asking me to find things.
OK, I'll tell you what,
I can take some away today.
Let's fill a box with stuff that you
don't think you'll need, and I'll
keep it at my house until
you need it again.
No, you can throw it all away. I
don't want any of it. It's all junk.
Come on, Dad, let's sort through
some and we can take it from there.
What you got there?
It's my old pal Vic Wiffen.
Passed away.
Not, uh, not many of us left now.
Oh, I'm sorry, Dad.
That's your friend from Canada.
Yeah, yeah. I got a letter from him
only a week ago.
I was always going to go and
visit him but, uh, too late now.
Did you just find this?
Hmm?
Nothing.
You say you had a letter from him
last week?
Couple of days ago.
It's on the side there.
He asked about you.
Always asked about you.
Legend.
Excuse me.
Hello, love.
Do you sell tit boxes?
Tit boxes?
Yes.
Boxes for?
Tits.
Hmm
Blue tits?
Like a nesting box? Yes.
They'll be in the garden section
if we have them. It's, er
I'm sorry, it doesn't look
like we do.
Oh, well.
I tell you what, I might
be able to help.
Might you? Yeah, think so.
Can you come back in, like, an hour?
Yeah, all right. I'll go do the
rest of my shopping.
Smashing. See you back here.
In an hour? That's it.
MUSIC: Nine Pound Hammer
by Little Grasscals
# Oh, the nine-pound hammer
is a little too heavy
# Baby, for my size
# Honey, for my size
# Roll on, buddy,
don't you roll so slow
# How can I roll
when the wheels won't roll?
# So roll on, buddy,
don't you roll so slow
# How can I roll
when the wheels won't go? #
Michael, what the hell?
DRILL WHIRS
DRILL WHIRS
What the he?
What are you doing?
Tit box.
Customer wanted one.
Michael, what's wrong with you?
This is not a
We don't If we don't sell
something, we don't make it on
Oh, here she comes.
Hello, madam. There you go.
Oh, that's lovely, thank you!
Hello, Gordon.
Hello, Mrs Stewart.
How's your mum? She all right?
She's well, thank you, Mrs Stewart.
How much is this?
Erm, it's on us, Mrs Stewart,
with our compliments.
Thanks! Give my love to your mum.
Bye, love.
Why didn't we come back to work
yesterday?
"We"? You.
You said "don't bother coming back".
As a threat!
As in, "if you leave, don't bother
coming back because you're fired".
An employer is not allowed to refuse
an employee reasonable time off
in order to deal with an unexpected
event involving a dependant.
Well Because that would be
unfair dismissal.
I And you would be guilty of
unfair dismissal.
I And I would take you to court
for unfair dismissal.
Get this cleaned up.
All right?
Yeah.
Here, listen to this.
My dad got this letter from his
friend in Canada. All right.
"Dear Brian, thank you for
your last letter.
"All's well here across the pond
although the winter's still"
Goes on a bit.
And then, "How's your boy Michael?
"I'm always interested to hear
what he's up to. Is he well?
"Did he ever find a new partner
and settle down?
"Is he happy these days? I hope so."
Blah, blah, blah
"Your dear friend, Vic."
So?
Well, number one, I don't think I've
ever met the bloke, so I don't know
why he's so interested in
what I'm up to.
Well, he's just being friendly.
And number two, he died
over a decade ago.
Died?
Passed away, dead, in 2009.
And how old's the letter?
Written two weeks ago.
Canada? Yep.
Are you sure he's dead?
I've seen the order of service
from the funeral.
I googled him, found his obituary.
He's dead all right.
Weird.
Can ghosts write letters?
I know they can't lick stamps.
METALLIC SQUEAK
All right, Michael?
Hello, Brigham.
Kacey?
Brigham.
He was slagging you off yesterday.
Gordon. Oh, yeah?
When you didn't come back to work.
Said he was going to fire you.
Yeah? Not that bothered.
Not bothered about getting fired?
Not really, if I'm honest.
Don't
You don't want to
Are you OK?
..get yourself fired, mate.
Why not?
Who's going to make me laugh?
Who's going to come to work on a
long bike?
Be shit without you here, mate.
Right. Erm, cheers, Brigham.
Whatever!
PHONE RINGS
Hello? It's Roy.
Can you speak?
Not really.
I need to come over to the house
with a surveyor.
Why? When?
You know why.
When?
When's convenient? None! No time!
OK. Well, I'm going to come now.
You can't - look, it's, it's not
Hey, how are you doing, Michael?
Yeah, not bad. Er, I was just
wondering if you had an update
on the hedge situation?
Yeah. Er, no. I'm sorry,
I don't know.
Well, I think the chaffinches might
be gone by now, so
You had a bird book the other day.
Yeah. The chaffinches.
Where did you get it from?
The book? Yes.
Um, I think it was my dad's.
My dad's?
No, MY dad's.
Did you go and see my dad?
Your dad? Yes. At the nursing home?
Your dad?
And ask him for a bird book?
You what? Sorry, I don't think I
understand this conversation.
Yes.
It's confusing.
MUSIC: Old Enough
by Cinder Well
# Old enough
# You are old enough
# To know the way
# This is going
# Walk me home
# The long way home
# And go away
# You're not going
# I am golden in the evening
# We are bolder in the morning
# And the long grass
# It is grown
# Over the steps
# Of the door #
Oh, shit.
DOORBELL CHIMES
Hello, Michael. I'm sorry.
I'm not doing this to be a shit.
But, erm, I'm desperate, mate.
I'm bankrupt.
It's been a long time coming and
this house, it belongs to me.
Sorry. Who's that?
She's a surveyor.
I just wanted her to come and have a
look around so we can figure out
what needs to be done before people
can start viewing the property.
Nice to meet you, Michael.
So, can we, erm
Can we come in, please?
Well, I've set some chairs up in
the garden, actually.
We've come to see the house, mate,
not the garden.
Well, you need to give me more time
to tidy up and stuff.
Hey! I need some more time
to tidy up. Roy!
Jesus Christ, what is all this shit?
What are you stockpiling?
It's this way. Come through.
Come through. It's this way.
Erm
Oh, my God, look at this!
It's Christmas, 1979!
There's me, Mum, Clea.
Yeah, would you like to come
through?
The Action Man helicopter.
Mum thought it came with an
Action Man, but didn't.
I never did get an Action Man.
It's this way.
What's that?
Manure.
Stinks.
The house is going on the market in
three weeks' time, Michael.
Three weeks?
Sorry, Michael, you've got no
choice. It's going to happen.
I'm sorry, I thought you were a
surveyor. Solicitor.
You said that she was a surveyor.
Did I? I meant solicitor.
Well, I'll need to talk to my
solicitor.
You don't have a solicitor.
Then I shall get a solicitor.
You should get one.
I'm going to get a solicitor.
It would be much easier if I had a
lawyer to deal with.
Easier? For who?
For everyone, Michael. Christ!
Do not make this more difficult than
it needs to be, please.
And the house obviously needs
to be cleared.
What's in the boxes?
I don't know.
What do you mean, you don't know?
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know what's in the boxes.
They're not mine.
Well, whose are they, then?
They're your sister's.
They're Clea's.
It's stock that she left behind in
locks-ups when she went.
Second-hand books, I think, mainly.
Right, well we can help you
to get rid of them.
Oh, get rid of them?
To figure out what to do with them.
So, what else do you need to know?
So much, mate.
So much.
Hiya, it's me.
Do you want to come round?
It's time.
I think we should probably
wear these too,
just to be on the safe side.
No, mate.
Look, whatever's supposed to have
happened to them in their little
shit pit, has either happened
or it hasn't, right?
Me wearing a Dunelm dressing gown
isn't going to change anything.
Fair enough.
Right, I'm going in.
OK.
Hello, Kacey.
Hiya, Bev.
This is Clive, my husband.
Clive, this is Kacey.
Oh, cool. How are you doing, Kacey?
Has he got you slaving, has he?
Slaving? No, mate, I'm just
I'm just helping out.
Oh, God, yeah. Probably can't say
that nowadays.
No, you can't. Yeah.
It's a minefield, isn't it?
Yeah, not really.
What are you wearing that for?
Well, I don't want to get dirty,
do I, Bev?
You wally!
Right, I'll see you later, love.
See ya. See you later, Kacey.
Why do you always do that?
Do what?
Pretend to be nice. What the hell's
that supposed to mean?
Well, I know you're going to say
something
fucking horrible about her now.
Oh, I can't find 'em! What?
They must've sunk into the ground.
They should be right here.
Argh!
Ah! Oh!
MUD SQUELCHES
Kacey, I nearly went under!
SHE LAUGHS
What the?
What's going on? Where are they?
I don't know. Just wa
Wait, wait.
Hold me arm. I am!
OK, OK, I've got 'em. Yeah,
they've gone right under.
Oh.
Pull us out.
Argh!
We're going to have to
rethink this.
I can feel it.
Is it the right way up?
Yeah, I've got it by its neck.
Right, give it a gentle pull.
Here it comes.
Gently.
You got it? Yeah.
OK, take her inside.
Here she comes.
STRAINING
I've got her.
Hurry up!
All right! Bloody hell.
Here.
Ugh! Yeah.
They've grown.
Have they reached the
stage of whatever?
The state of divination.
I don't know.
How do you find out?
I have to ask 'em a question.
Go on, then.
I don't know what to ask. Mate, you
told me what you wanted to ask.
Yeah, but we should ask them a test
question first.
You know, see if it works.
So, what can they answer questions
on? Anything.
The future, the past, anything.
OK. OK, yeah.
We'll use these.
Yeah? Pick a card and get it
to tell us what it is.
OK. Yeah.
How will it tell us?
Mate, I don't know.
Go on, ask it. Talk to it.
Do you want to play cards?
Yeah? Cards?
Your Majesty.
Oh, yeah. Sorry. Erm, would you like
to play cards, Your Majesty?
OK!
Er, OK, erm, Your Majesty,
what card will I take from
the top of the deck?
Whoa! Oh, my God.
The four of hearts.
Wait. Shuffle them again.
Why? He's chosen.
Yeah, but if he's predicting the
future, you can shuffle them again.
You can shuffle them as many times
as you like.
It won't make a difference.
Once more.
Holy shit!
OK!
All right, Your Majesty, again.
Seven of diamonds?
KACEY LAUGHS EXCITEDLY
Well, I guess it works!
OK! OK, so we know that they can
predict the future.
What else can they do? Can they
Can they solve a crime?
Tell you your deepest secret?
I suppose so.
What about someone else's secret?
Yeah. I suppose.
Your Majesty,
I would like you to tell me
..when was the last time Michael
cried?
Whoa! Whoa! Hang on, no.
I'm just asking her a question!
You can't do that!
Did you cry at Brokeback Mountain?
Well, I mean,
you know, it's a sad film.
Brilliant!
OK, what else?
What else can we ask?
Are there any sports happening now?
There must be, somewhere in the
world, right?
Yes! Here. Copenhagen versus
Skanderborg,
Danish women's handball.
There's, like, ten minutes left.
OK, OK, so what do we ask?
Your Majesty,
right now, Ajax Kobenhavn
It's "eye-ax".
..are playing Skanderborg at home
in Denmark.
Can you tell me,
will Copenhagen win?
OK. So the other team, Skanderborg,
are going to win?
And what will the final score be?
31-29.
OK. What's the score now?
28 all.
Come on!
DANISH COMMENTARY
KACEY SQUEALS, MICHAEL LAUGHS
Oh, my God!
Come here!
THEY CHEER