St. Elsewhere (1982) s01e05 Episode Script
Samuels and the Kid
1
Tonight on St. elsewhere. It's over.
- She's dead, man.
- Peter, it's over.
Hey, hey. Now, come on, Pete. It's over!
It didn't kill Mrs. Perez.
How do you know that? Where did you go to med school?
Are you gonna start taking the other kids' lunch money?
Only after you teach me high-low poker.
Yeah, next thing, you're gonna
want to know how to pick up girls.
That's easy. You tell them what they wanna hear.
"On our first anniversary. Love always, Wayne."
Thanks a lot. You're welcome.
The outstanding achievement in heart surgery
Goes to Dr. Mark Craig of St. eligius.
I want you to go to Mrs. Rodriguez's apartment now.
[Breathing heavily]
[TV announcer] Ends our regularly
scheduled broadcast today.
We'll resume our programming at
6:00 A.M. this station operates on
Why don't you take your break now? I'll cover for you.
Is there a doctor in the house?
What do ya got for me, o'Connor? Wait, don't tell me.
Bernie, grab a chart. Write this down.
Uh, we need a b.A. On an f.I.G
With a laceration over his left eye?
Right again. Tell me what I win, monty.
The right to sew him up before I book him.
I know b.A. Is "blood alcohol," but what is, uh, f.I.G.?
"Found in gutter." Like "gomer's" first cousin.
Okay, Bernie, let's move inside. Uh
Take some blood, send it up to the lab,
clean the wound and I'll, uh no, you'll stitch it up.
I'm not good at taking blood.
He's not good at taking blood, he's gonna sew up my face?
What kind of doctor is he? A new one.
And he might as well start learning on you.
Take a history, arguello.
I ain't saying nothing while he's here.
No problem. Did you frisk him? Yeah!
Do it again.
Okay, uncuff him.
I'll take it from here. I'll be outside.
I'll scream once if I need you.
All right, sit down.
Okay. Open your eye. You been here before?
Yeah. Okay, we'll pull your chart later.
I'm not allergic to nothin'. I'm not on drugs.
I need you to help me out. That's nice.
Okay, Bernie, take his blood. I'll check his eye.
Uh, take your jacket off, please.
Pull your sleeve up.
Okay. Just right this way. Turn your head.
All right. Just clean that up there.
Keep your head still.
All right, looks like you won't need any stitches.
I'll close it up with a couple butterflies.
You'll look good at the police station.
[Woman on P.A.] Dr. Jay baker to intensive
care. Jay baker to intensive care.
Okay. Right here.
Hold still.
All right, what do you need?
Help me get rid of my clothes.
Nice touch. Thank you.
- What's wrong with your clothes?
- Not this.
These.
And this.
If I go to jail like this, it won't be a pretty scene.
Cut 'em off.
I'll take care of this. You got that right.
[Steady beep] Damn.
Call a triple. We have an arrest.
Pulmonary I.C.U.!
Too bad they don't pay you to stand
around, Luther. You'd be a rich man.
Come on. Move it. Oh, Mrs. Skilling
It's Mrs. Perez. Four
One, two, three, four Not to worry, honey.
Everything's gonna be okay. Close the curtain, Luther.
Two, three, four, five.
One, two, three, four, five.
I'm not a big fan of blind dates, but shuster
said his wife had a friend to drool over.
Yeah, and? And I figured it
was my duty to take a shot at it.
Your duty. So I show up at shuster's apartment,
and this dog answers the door.
I'm talking about a real hound tooth cocktail.
So I'm figuring I should pretend
I'm at the wrong apartment,
when shuster shows up Gimme the chart on miss Perez.
And introduces me to his wife, okay?
No wonder the guy works so hard. And the friend?
Everything that shuster said. I went the full nine yards.
Whatever that means.
Whoa, down, boy. I'm sorry I'm late.
Well, I guess you didn't hear then? Hear? Hear what?
They recalled your class at Berkeley memorial.
Instead of teaching you anatomy,
they gave you a course in home heating.
The bus leaves for the west coast about 9:00.
Listen, would you bet a horse
named gomer? What do you think?
"Gomer"? You mean, uh, "get out of my emergency room"?
I'd rather play a horse named "leukemia."
[Samuels] What is this? You been
rummaging around in pat Boone's closet?
- What? What's wrong with them?
- This is a hospital, ehrlich,
not a fraternity mixer. Good morning, Dr. Samuels.
Good morning, Dr. Auschlander. Dr. Ehrlich, sir.
Dr. Ehrlich. Spiffy shoes.
Never thought that style would come back. [Scoffs]
Auschlander looks good. Yeah, I wish I had a dollar
For every metastasized cell in
his liver. How long you give him?
Six months. A year on the outside.
Nah. Twenty bucks says he won't make it past may day.
You're on. Hey, why don't we start a pool?
That's disgusting. You ought to
be ashamed of yourself, ehrlich.
What?
Oh, that's fabulous. That's
Not afraid of a pesky case of herpes, Dr. Armstrong?
I'll ignore that. Jack's wife's pregnant!
Ancient history, my dear.
Hey, Jack, you find out who the father is?
Mmm, not yet. Do you have to
take a cheap shot at everything?
Now, now, don't get nasty just because
you chose a career rather than a family.
What's that supposed to mean? Well,
according to the biological
clock on the wall, Dr. Armstrong,
at your age you have till about, oh, 8:15 to get pregnant.
Of course, finding a suitable donor
on such short notice is a problem.
But you talked me into it. Your place or mine?
Don't you ever stop?
After about three, four hours.
Dr. Chandler, we lost one of your patients last night.
Yeah. Mrs. Perez.
Nice lady too.
- Who was on I.C.U. Last night?
- Skilling.
Again? She called the code.
Where is she?
I guess she's changing. Her shift just ended.
Morning, rob by. How did you sleep?
Not so good. No?
Why do they wake you at 6:00 A.M. to take your pulse?
That's a good question. How does your ankle feel?
It's throbbing. Well, the swelling's starting to go down.
You know, after the operation,
this is gonna be as good as new.
Yeah? Yep. A couple of weeks in a cast,
you'll be off the injured reserve list,
ready to run back punts for the patriots.
Oh, come on.
That is not a compliment. My
sister could play for the patriots.
Oh. But then again, she has great hands.
I like them. Yeah?
It so happens I have an extra ticket
for the jet game a week from Sunday.
Oh, that's great. Yeah?
No. I don't think my parents will let me go.
I'll talk to them. Okay? It'll be all right. Oh, great.
You think you're gonna be able to climb all those steps
At schaeffer stadium on crutches?
Oh, come on. I mean, we're talking 35th row here.
You wanna race? Hey, I'm an athlete.
I'm tough. Dr. Samuels
Yeah? My mom brought me this.
- Would you like to try?
- Be serious, will ya?
I mean, with this Ivy league mind,
these surgeon's hands
I'd be done with this in about a week.
[Chuckles] I thought you said you were an athlete.
I've got sick people to see, rob by.
See you later. Bye, Dr. Samuels.
Anybody home That's breathing?
[Martin] Is that you, Wayne? Yeah, it's me.
Hi. I'm in here. Well, why there?
Wait, don't tell me. You know,
I saw a twilight zone once
Where a little girl rolls under her bed, through a wall,
into another dimension of space and time.
Would you like to come in? Not voluntarily.
I'll be out in a second. Make yourself comfortable.
Well, it's hard to be comfortable in a room
Where everybody else is so stiff.
All right, uh, who's got the sports page?
Oh, here it is. You finished with this?
Thanks. Oh, got it.
Hi, Wayne. I was just thinking about you.
Yeah? All I've been doing is thinking about you too.
I saw your signature on this death certificate. Yeah?
Oh, the D.O.A. from last night's car wreck.
Uh, fractured skull, cerebral hemorrhage.
If this guy had worn a seat belt, he might've
had breakfast with his family this morning.
Yeah. It's a shame.
So, you coming over after work tonight?
I've said yes twice today,
Wayne. Well, I was just checking.
Hope I'm not disturbing anything. Where do you want him?
Oh. I've got a full house.
Um, leave him in the hall. Here, I'll show you.
If we move Mrs. Perez over here,
then you can put him against the wall right here.
You got it. Great.
There. Now there's room for everybody.
So, I'll see you at 7:00. At 7:00.
Great. See you, guys. You're gonna love it here.
[Whispering, indistinct]
[Chandler] The chart says the code was called at 12:35.
Right. Well Wayne.
What happened to the 40 milliequivalent
drip I ordered? What? I never saw it.
Well, it's right here on the
chart, written in at, uh, 11:15.
I made a mistake. I'm sorry.
Sorry? Nurse, this is not the
first time. It didn't kill Mrs. Perez.
How do you know that? Where did you go to med school?
I've been here a long time,
Dr. Chandler. I know more than you think.
Well, it does not seem to reflect in your work, nurse.
Make your point. It's been a long night, doctor.
I don't think you're cutting it, nurse skilling.
If you have a problem with the way I do my job,
I suggest you take it up with Rosenthal and westphall.
Fine. That's my next step.
My, my. The monsters our children have become.
Remember your roots, Dr. Chandler.
It was not too long ago the cotton you
were picking wasn't from an aspirin bottle.
I don't need this. I've got enough of a morale problem
Without Dr. Chandler browbeating my nurses.
Nurse skilling is incompetent. You
had no right yelling at her in public.
- You did what?
- I got angry.
It was unnecessary and disrespectful. Disrespectful?
Two of my patients died one after nurse
skilling is late with a medication order.
That didn't kill Mrs. Perez. No, it didn't.
Pneumonia did. Same thing that
killed miss rothlein this morning.
Let's chalk that up to contamination during intubation.
Look, you cannot prove nurse
skilling had anything to do with that.
I don't have to. The evaluation speaks for itself.
Helen, her performance is deteriorating.
What do you think?
It's a lot harder working here.
She's older. Well, aren't we all?
[Westphall] What do you think we should do? Let her go.
Just a minute.
Eleanor skilling has been a productive
part of this hospital for 20 years.
You don't throw trained personnel like her away.
Besides, we're shorthanded as it is.
We'll just end up hiring her back
through some private registry
For more money than we're paying her now.
- Okay. Let's transfer her to another floor.
- Thanks.
[Woman on P.A.] Dr. Ed Tyler to fifth floor operating.
Dr. Ed Tyler, fifth floor operating.
So, I o-open the refrigerator to the blood bank
To check on a.B.-Negative, I find one pint,
two yogurts and a six-pack.
Have you tried the red cross? There's a city-wide shortage.
We're not exactly on the top of their priority list.
You got any ideas? [Chuckles] Not since breakfast.
I'll call the red cross again.
Maybe I'll have better luck. Gotcha.
Hi, Andy. Hi, doc.
The cops could have done a
cleaner job digging out the bullet.
You're early, Mrs. Rodriguez.
It's what is known as false labor.
Well, I thought it was time, but it's only my first baby.
It's hard to be sure. Well, you're anxious. It happens.
Berto [speaking Spanish] False labor.
[Spanish]
Berto is late for work.
And he's afraid if he's late again, he's gonna get fired.
There are so many people for these jobs.
He says that you'll give me the voucher for the bus home.
Sure. While he's at work,
is there anyone staying with you?
Yeah. Mrs. Dejesus. She comes over every afternoon.
Hey, she's pregnant too. She's
already got four girls and one boy.
And her husband, of course, wants a son this time.
Six children, and I worry about having one.
[Spanish] My husband says I talk too much.
Call me when the contractions start up again, okay?
Okay. This time I'll be sure.
She over-sliced the French bread a little,
you know, and got scared all the blood. Yeah.
Know how she stopped the bleeding? Surprise me.
A jar of coffee. You had to see it to believe it.
A gash filled with instant.
I just started my surgical tour,
and I got called in to observe.
There's this girl lying on the
table, and all she's wearing is her tan.
Lot of jokes, right? Oh, yeah. They were going crazy.
That bother you? [Exhales]
That's not the problem. I can handle that okay.
When they cut her across the abdomen, I I got sick.
Damn it. It it just made me so angry,
like I wasn't tough enough or something.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong here.
I'm afraid medicine is still a man's world.
It's a lot better than when I first came here.
There were two surgical dressing
rooms doctors and nurses.
What did you do? Well, I knew I wasn't a nurse.
I really shook things up in there.
I'm out of here. I've got 36 hours of r&r.
Lucky you. Where are you going? Driving to pittsfield.
Who's the lucky guy? Guys.
My father and brother. Haven't seen them in months.
Are you okay? Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
What about you, fiscus? How are you checking out?
I'm not dying. It's not in the program. Right.
Personally, I intend to tattoo "d.N.R."
Right across my chest in red, white and blue.
"Do not resuscitate."
And I plan to have a massive coronary
Right after a steak, a bottle of lafite rothschild 1961,
and bang right before the check.
Where are you going? Milk and cookies for Peter white.
I didn't know you guys were an item.
We're splitting coverage. He gets the first sleep.
I got to bribe him to get him
up. Oh, the rack monster calls.
Like circe to odysseus.
Circe to who?
Are you done with that, doll?
No, I meant the fruit salad. [Sighs]
Thank you. I hate to waste.
Montana fades back. He scrambles to his right. Come on.
He spots Clark in the end zone, fires touchdown!
W-Wait a minute. Where are the flags? No flags.
What do you mean Ah, nuts. All right.
The 49ers lead the bengals 14-nothing.
Will ya stop yakking and just kick off.
Grouchy, isn't he, sports fans? Come on.
Okay. Montana back in the pocket. He sees rob by durant
Wide open on a post pattern, fires touchdown!
No! I cannot catch a break!
Saved by the gun. And here's the halftime show, folks.
Where are the cheerleaders?
Oh, we left them in the hall.
- [Robby] What's going on?
- This?
This is a machine, measures your heartbeat.
And this good-lookin' woman here, nurse Rosenthal,
is gonna take just a little bit of your blood.
Oh j it's okay. It's okay.
It's standard pre-operating procedure. All right?
They're doing all the work. What are you doing?
- I'm watching.
- [Rosenthal] Yeah, cushy job.
- Let's get back to the game.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Sweetie, like back. It's okay. It's okay.
You gotta lie still for just a second.
Okay, then explain what "beating
the spread" means. You promised.
What, are you gonna start
taking the other kids' lunch money?
Only after you teach me high-low poker.
Yeah, next thing, you're gonna
want to know how to pick up girls.
That's easy. You tell them what they wanna hear.
I didn't teach him that. I swear. It's intuitive.
Come on, white. Get up.
It's my turn.
I'll give you five dollars to cover for me.
You haven't got five dollars.
Here. Come on. Come on. Compliments of room service.
All right, all right. All right.
All right.
Oh.
[Coughs]
Welcome to the land of walking cadavers.
You know, Morrison, I wake up
to you more than I do to my wife.
And I bet she doesn't give you breakfast in bed.
Not since the honeymoon.
Hey, I hear you're gonna have a kid.
A center fielder for the Red Sox.
Good luck.
It ain't easy.
Ah, but babies are so cute.
Believe me. The worst is yet to come.
First, Nina's gonna wanna quit
her job to be a full-time mother,
and that's less money coming in, more mouths to feed.
Then the two-door isn't big enough. She's
gonna want a wood-paneled station wagon.
And you're bustin' your tail off to
pay off a 30-year mortgage in Newton.
Sounds good to me.
Plus, you never see the kids. I
mean, they're awake, you're here.
As a matter of fact, they're asleep, you're here.
Look on the bright side, Peter. No doctor bills.
[Woman over P.A.] Code blue. Damn it! Lookit.
You're on call, nothing happened.
I'm awake, all hell breaks loose.
That's not fair. Doesn't anybody get better around here?
Get the light on the way out, will you?
It's not fair.
[Muttering] Fair.
All right. One, two, three, four, five.
- Come on, beat.
- She's dead, man.
Who asked you? Come on. Take over.
All right. Give me an amp of intracardiac epi.
- Still nothin'.
- How long since she had any rhythm?
- Too long.
- All right, get out of there.
All right, Pete. That's it. It's over.
Peter, it's over. Hey, hey.
Now, come on, Pete. It's over! Easy now.
She's the second lady today.
[Martin] Mmm. This is good.
[Fiscus] You like that? Mm-hmm.
Another glass of bubbly, my dear?
Please. Champagne and caviar makes a perfect meal.
High on bubbles, high on protein.
You look so handsome, Wayne. Great.
I was going for the, uh, William Powell, Cary Grant look,
but I think I'm caught somewhere
between Tony Curtis and a maître d'.
Wayne, what are we celebrating?
Well, I guess this is as good a time as any. Uh
Here. For me?
Open it.
Neat. A cuticle cleaner.
It's what every pathologist needs.
It helps get at those hard-to-reach tissues.
Thanks a lot. You're welcome.
Wayne, what's really going on?
Okay, this is the real reason.
Here.
Shreve, crump and low? Only the best.
Wayne open it.
Oh, a heart.
Oh, Wayne, it's beautiful.
I was looking for a 14-karat
kidney or a sterling silver liver.
But they only carry hearts.
It's pretty silly, huh? There's
an inscription on the other side.
Oh, it's hard to read. Well, I had a lot to say.
"To Cathy on our first anniversary.
Love always, Wayne."
A-And there's the date.
First anniversary? Yeah, w-we met a month ago today,
except that was a Monday and now it's a Wednesday, but
I can't accept this.
You have to. You're the only Cathy I know.
Try it on. Wayne Here. Just turn around.
Move your hair.
You are nuts. You know it? Mm-hmm.
It looks great.
I don't know what to say.
Don't say anything.
But, personally, I would appreciate it if
you would keep the conversation moving
'Cause I just shot off all my ammunition. Oh, Wayne
That'll do.
This is the nicest thing anybody's
done to me in a long time, but I
It's okay, Cathy. I understand.
No, you don't. That's just it. Yes, I do, really.
I really do. Hit it, Mel!
♪[Accordion]
Oh, Wayne.
I took his appendix out a year ago.
He owes me one. Nice touch, huh?
Dr. Fiscus, you are terrific.
I told them not to schedule me this morning!
I'm sorry, Dr. Craig. Nobody told me.
Good morning, Helen. Hi, Donald.
The lab just finished the workup on
the Thompson girl. Oh, good. Thanks.
Hmm. Got yourself real good this morning, Donald.
Not a real confidence builder for the
patient when the doctor cuts himself.
Time to change the blade. I did, but
my daughter decided to surprise me
By shaving her legs first.
These days, be thankful it
wasn't your son shaving his legs.
Great looking suit, Mark. Well, today's the big day.
The annual cushing left anterior
descending arteries society luncheon.
Surgeon of the year. Congratulations.
I know some people think this sort of thing is amusing,
but I'm proud of my work.
This award is important to me. Well, we're all proud.
It has meaning for everyone connected to St. eligius.
Thank you, Donald. It's important for me
to get positive feedback from my peers.
Sometimes I feel I'm not too well liked around here.
Oh, now, now, Donald. It's all right.
I'm not out to win any popularity contest.
The work's what's important, not
the recognition. Absolutely right.
Even though I should've won last year.
Now, I managed to make it to the butterfly finals.
So believe me, the pressure's really on.
I mean, I win, dartmouth wins the title. Right? Right.
All right. On one side of me is a guy from Princeton,
who could be a close relative of flipper.
And on the other side, in this last Lane,
is a guy from Syracuse, looks like he
could swim the Atlantic underwater.
I am so psyched, I shaved my entire body.
Why? You know, streamlined for less resistance.
What happened? Are you ready for this?
Two false starts. Disqualified.
I guess I was a little too psyched.
Yeah. You shaved your head too?
Could not get a date for six weeks.
Would you like to accompany me to the Craig luncheon?
You'll have to brave it alone. I found a new doctor.
- Who?
- Me. And I'm feeling better already.
"Doctor, heal thyself."
You know, Donald, the hardest
thing for me to do when I was younger
Was to find time to take off.
It seemed to me a doctor's work was never done.
There was always another problem, another patient.
When was the last time you were
away from here for more than a week?
You got me. I can't remember. My honeymoon?
You want some words of wisdom, Donald? From you, always.
There never is a right time to travel.
You got to make the time to go and explore,
because when you come back, nothing will have changed.
The same hospital, the same
patients some better, some not.
St. eligius will outlive us both.
All right. I'll try and keep that in mind.
I wish I had realized that before I got cancer.
But now I'm into other therapies,
something besides radiation,
something to improve the quality of my life.
The wife and I are planning a trip to Mexico.
- Laetrile?
- No, cabo San Lucas.
The best marlin fishing in the world.
Good idea. I'll see you later, Daniel.
Ah, Dr. Westphall. Hello, Ben. Who's your friend?
Robby durant, meet Dr. Westphall. He's the boss.
I thought you said Springsteen was the boss.
Well, he is. This is the boss of the hospital.
Hi, doc. Hi, rob by.
What happened? I was running a
hitch pattern in double zone coverage,
and I got my cleats caught on the turf.
[Chuckles] Got it?
Dr. Westphall used to play football in a leather helmet.
And no face mask. See, in my day single wing
to the right was a very complicated play.
And no face mask? You could bust your nose doing that.
I did. Robby's a future all-pro wide receiver.
He wants to know what I'm going to do to him.
I'm gonna introduce him to
Dr. Dembones. The best in his field.
See ya later, pal. Thank you.
Is that Dr. Dembones?
Ah, not yet. Where is he?
Right here behind door number one.
Robby durant, meet Dr. Dembones.
Shake hands with the doctor, rob by.
What happened to him? Hospital food.
Can I, uh, show you something in a loafer?
Okay, you see this? This bone is called the tibia.
Now, your break is right here.
Now, after I clean the dirt, the grass and
the rest of the 30 yard line out of here,
what I'm gonna do is put in a couple of pins
That will connect "a" to "b."
That way it's gonna be real strong, huh?
It'll heal properly, and it'll
give you the mobility to do this.
So where's the pin?
Well, would you hold my friend, please?
Right here.
Oh. When you said pin, I thought
you meant a needle-and-thread pin.
Look, we're talking bones. You know,
you need something really strong.
Is this gonna hurt? Nah. Piece of cake.
We'll prick you with a needle,
you'll be asleep for about 45 minutes.
What'll it feel like?
Like a trip to Disneyland, all expenses paid.
You scared?
No. Yeah.
Look, even pros get the pregame jitters, right?
I guess that's what it is.
I'll be able to move my foot like this?
[Laughs] I could never do that before.
Yeah, well, I don't wonder.
So, fiscus, how's the affair to remember?
I don't know what you're talking
about. Between you and Cathy Martin.
I can't talk about it. Come on, fiscus. You can tell me.
It's too personal. Personal?
Everyone knows what's going on.
Rumor has it you two have been
everywhere except Dr. Auschlander's office.
Really?
Really? Really.
I don't I don't believe this place. I got no privacy.
So, are we talking engagement ring and blood test,
or are you two just pinned?
You'll be the first to know, Daniels.
No privacy.
Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves.
I hear yours is around Cathy Martin's
neck, compliments shreve, crump and low.
Very nice. Okay, I give up, Daniels. You win.
You wanna know the whole truth? And nothing but.
Okay, here it is. I think I'm in love with her.
You're kidding. I wish I was.
Well, then I think giving her the
necklace was a wonderful thing to do.
You do? Yeah.
But the accordion was a little schmaltzy.
I can't believe this place. [Phone rings]
St. eligius emergency.
What kept you so long? Traffic. Sorry.
I guess that's what's keeping the others, huh?
Hello, Donald. Ellen.
How're the kids? Growing.
You guys haven't found a cure for that yet?
[Knocking]
And now for the moment we've all been waiting for.
Honoring the surgeon of the year
Is a proud moment for this society.
So without any further ado, the outstanding achievement
In heart surgery for 1982
Goes to Dr. Mark Craig of St. eligius.
Here you are, Mark. In honor of your hard work,
a plaster cast of your own hands.
Congratulations. Thank you very much.
Okay.
Uh, lucky for me I'm not being honored for military valor,
otherwise they'd have to pin these to my chest.
[Chuckling]
But, uh, seriously,
I'm very proud to be associated with
A hardworking, dedicated group like this.
You know, the human heart
Is a marvelously simple, efficient organ,
beating over 80,000 times every single day of our lives,
75 million times a year,
eight billion times over 72 years.
Amazing.
Through it, passes our life's blood,
and if the poets are to be believed,
all of life's joys and sorrows.
Is something wrong? You stiffed me.
Stiffed you? No, I didn't. I left a tip.
Anything less than 10% is an insult.
The check was the only part of
the meal I didn't have to wait for.
[Beeping]
Where's the pay phone? In the landing.
This is Dr. Cavanero.
Gimme your number.
Did you call an ambulance? Thanks.
[Groans]
Listen, do you have any change?
Sorry, I just closed the
register. But this is an emergency.
I'm sorry. I just closed the register.
Wh-what's going on? I'm a
doctor. I've got to deliver a baby.
Over the phone? I said it was an emergency.
He won't open the register. Do you have any change?
Uh
Now, since it's taken me a long time to get up here,
I'd like to take a few minutes
to thank some of the people
Who made this moment possible.
First,
to my parents, William and Elizabeth,
who guided me through my childhood with wisdom and love.
Do you mind if I have one? No.
I only wish they could be here to
share this special moment with me.
Mrs. Rodriguez? Hi, it's me, Dr. Cavanero.
No, don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay.
How close are the contractions?
It sounds like it's time.
Did you call your neighbor, Mrs. Dejesus?
Okay. Give me the number, and I'll
call her, and I'll call you right back.
I'd also like to tip my hat to wilfred Sloan,
my organic chemistry professor at penn,
an inspired educator, and a humanist,
who instilled in me the desire for excellence,
and who is, I'm happy to say,
alive and well,
88 years old in Philadelphia.
Next is Mrs. Dejesus there?
She isn't?
You're the only one home? What's your name?
Hi, Juan. This is Dr. Cavanero, Mrs. Rodriguez's doctor.
Yeah, that's right. That Mrs. Rodriguez.
Look, how old are you? That's old enough.
I want you to go to Mrs. Rodriguez's apartment now.
She's going to have a baby, and she needs your help.
Of course you can. I do it all the time.
Look, i-I'll talk you through it. Please.
[Exhales] Great! Now, I'll call you there.
Hurry.
[Phone ringing] [Mrs. Rodriguez groaning]
Oh, god.
Hello?
I want you to ask Mrs. Rodriguez
where she keeps her scissors and string.
Mrs. Rodriguez, you got scissors, string?
In the kitchen in a drawer.
Go, paco! Go!
- Which drawer?
- I don't remember!
I can't find it. I can't find it.
Wait. I found it.
Okay. We found it.
It's beginning to sound like a scavenger hunt.
Shouldn't she be boiling water, stuff like that?
Conditions are not aseptic. It's not necessary.
Not sterile. Oh.
Oh, wow! There's the head! Oh, wow!
I gotta get outta here.
Wait. Where you goin'?
I gotta get outta here. Paco!
Paco!
♪[Rock]
Looks good. Yep.
Bo Derek's got nothing on that tibia.
Okay, let's close.
Okay, v.J.? Mm-hmm.
Suture.
What a cute boy.
It's against the law in the state of Massachusetts, Louise.
A fantasy is not a felony, doctor. Ooh.
[Samuels] Hard to argue with that.
So, where you going on your honeymoon, Louise?
Niagara Falls. Wanna come along?
Sounds romantic. Wanna cut?
All that rushing water.
It makes me want to take a whiz.
Really? Yeah.
[Samuels] Wanna cut?
All right.
Wanna get the cast on, Dr. Ehrlich?
Start bringing him round, v.J.
Guys, he's good.
Nice work.
What do ya say, sport?
[Baby crying]
Oh oh, my god!
It's out! Oh, my god!
- What do I do now?
- Don't let the baby slip.
- Are there any loops around the baby's head?
- Yeah.
There's one no, two loops.
Okay, now. Carefully slip them over the baby's head.
Now, I want you to take the string
and tie it around the umbilical cord
About four inches away from the baby.
Now, take another piece of string
And tie that one about three inches
Away from that one toward the mother.
Now, take the scissors and cut in between the two strings.
[Scissors snap]
We did it. We did it!
[Laughs] It's done!
[Exhales]
Hi, Ben. Anspaugh.
How's life in the fast Lane?
Still looking for the perfect tax shelter.
A penny saved is one the I.R.S. can't find.
Mark. Ben.
How about you?
I spend it so fast, I don't have
time to think about hiding it.
I got a real estate deal you can write off four to one.
Save it, anspaugh. The celtics win?
Yeah. 123-120.
Damn! They didn't cover.
Maybe you should meet my tax man.
Maybe you should meet my bookie.
Ehrlich, I should've listened to you.
Look at this. Bird scores 40 points, the
celts still can't win by more than five.
The bench is just not delivering.
The cast set properly?
What?
He threw a fat embolus in
recovery. He went into full arrest.
What?
He died, Ben. Just like that.
♪[Rock]
[Girl laughing]
So where do you go to school?
How did you know? What, are you kidding?
Everybody in Boston is in college.
B.u. I'm a theater arts major. Ah, the stage.
It's a very honorable profession. My wife was an actress.
You're married.
Was. A long time ago.
I was in dartmouth, and Cynthia was at holyoke.
And we fell in love and got married.
Cynthia always thought that I did it to beat the draft.
Did you?
No. I went to med school to beat the draft.
Ucla.
See, Cynthia wanted to be an actress.
So we moved to Los Angeles.
And, uh,
I went to the university of Chad Everett.
It's a hell of a place.
Bartender!
How did you get back to Boston?
I took the red-eye. It's a stoli on the rocks with a twist.
I remember. And, please,
remember to make it a double.
And, uh, another one of those for the lady.
Anyway, I'm, uh,
working my tail off in med school,
and Cynthia found someone more artistic than me.
She thought the Karma was better.
A lot of Karma going around in 1970.
Do you think, uh
Do you think directing television is artistic?
Do you wanna see her picture?
Sure.
It's, uh it's a little on the old side.
She's pretty. Mm-hmm.
Is that your son?
William.
Billy. Named after my dad.
Cynthia was leaning towards, uh, "Eugene."
You know, as in McCarthy. Or "freedom," as in america.
But I figured, why give that
kid a reason for a fistfight
Every day for the rest of his life.
What a sweet baby.
Does he live with his mother?
Well, Cynthia got very paranoid living in L.A.
It does that to you.
Um I don't know. Manson was on the loose.
She bought a .44 Magnum. You
know, kept it in her bedside table.
Must have been a Clint Eastwood fan, right?
And, uh, Billy found it one day and
Blew a hole the size of a softball in his chest.
It's a very stupid way for a little boy to die.
I'm sorry.
Cynthia thought it happened
because I didn't go to Vietnam and die.
She began to get very weird.
I mean, that's the bottom line, isn't it?
I mean, whether it's cancer or
napalm or a safe fallin' on you,
we're all out here alone, dodging the bullets.
Except for Billy-boy, who didn't know enough to duck.
A toast to rob by durant
Another poor soul that never knew what hit him.
Who's rob by durant?
[Sighs]
A friend.
Well, drink up, lass.
Bartender! Another round.
I think you've had enough. I'm
going to have to cut you off.
Then I guess it's time to go home.
And don't think about driving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You
[Groans, laughs]
Could you do me a favor?
What did you say your name was? Diane.
Diane.
Lady di.
You know, you look like her a little.
You have such smooth skin.
Listen, I c-could you call me a cab?
Please.
[Mews]
Tonight on St. elsewhere. It's over.
- She's dead, man.
- Peter, it's over.
Hey, hey. Now, come on, Pete. It's over!
It didn't kill Mrs. Perez.
How do you know that? Where did you go to med school?
Are you gonna start taking the other kids' lunch money?
Only after you teach me high-low poker.
Yeah, next thing, you're gonna
want to know how to pick up girls.
That's easy. You tell them what they wanna hear.
"On our first anniversary. Love always, Wayne."
Thanks a lot. You're welcome.
The outstanding achievement in heart surgery
Goes to Dr. Mark Craig of St. eligius.
I want you to go to Mrs. Rodriguez's apartment now.
[Breathing heavily]
[TV announcer] Ends our regularly
scheduled broadcast today.
We'll resume our programming at
6:00 A.M. this station operates on
Why don't you take your break now? I'll cover for you.
Is there a doctor in the house?
What do ya got for me, o'Connor? Wait, don't tell me.
Bernie, grab a chart. Write this down.
Uh, we need a b.A. On an f.I.G
With a laceration over his left eye?
Right again. Tell me what I win, monty.
The right to sew him up before I book him.
I know b.A. Is "blood alcohol," but what is, uh, f.I.G.?
"Found in gutter." Like "gomer's" first cousin.
Okay, Bernie, let's move inside. Uh
Take some blood, send it up to the lab,
clean the wound and I'll, uh no, you'll stitch it up.
I'm not good at taking blood.
He's not good at taking blood, he's gonna sew up my face?
What kind of doctor is he? A new one.
And he might as well start learning on you.
Take a history, arguello.
I ain't saying nothing while he's here.
No problem. Did you frisk him? Yeah!
Do it again.
Okay, uncuff him.
I'll take it from here. I'll be outside.
I'll scream once if I need you.
All right, sit down.
Okay. Open your eye. You been here before?
Yeah. Okay, we'll pull your chart later.
I'm not allergic to nothin'. I'm not on drugs.
I need you to help me out. That's nice.
Okay, Bernie, take his blood. I'll check his eye.
Uh, take your jacket off, please.
Pull your sleeve up.
Okay. Just right this way. Turn your head.
All right. Just clean that up there.
Keep your head still.
All right, looks like you won't need any stitches.
I'll close it up with a couple butterflies.
You'll look good at the police station.
[Woman on P.A.] Dr. Jay baker to intensive
care. Jay baker to intensive care.
Okay. Right here.
Hold still.
All right, what do you need?
Help me get rid of my clothes.
Nice touch. Thank you.
- What's wrong with your clothes?
- Not this.
These.
And this.
If I go to jail like this, it won't be a pretty scene.
Cut 'em off.
I'll take care of this. You got that right.
[Steady beep] Damn.
Call a triple. We have an arrest.
Pulmonary I.C.U.!
Too bad they don't pay you to stand
around, Luther. You'd be a rich man.
Come on. Move it. Oh, Mrs. Skilling
It's Mrs. Perez. Four
One, two, three, four Not to worry, honey.
Everything's gonna be okay. Close the curtain, Luther.
Two, three, four, five.
One, two, three, four, five.
I'm not a big fan of blind dates, but shuster
said his wife had a friend to drool over.
Yeah, and? And I figured it
was my duty to take a shot at it.
Your duty. So I show up at shuster's apartment,
and this dog answers the door.
I'm talking about a real hound tooth cocktail.
So I'm figuring I should pretend
I'm at the wrong apartment,
when shuster shows up Gimme the chart on miss Perez.
And introduces me to his wife, okay?
No wonder the guy works so hard. And the friend?
Everything that shuster said. I went the full nine yards.
Whatever that means.
Whoa, down, boy. I'm sorry I'm late.
Well, I guess you didn't hear then? Hear? Hear what?
They recalled your class at Berkeley memorial.
Instead of teaching you anatomy,
they gave you a course in home heating.
The bus leaves for the west coast about 9:00.
Listen, would you bet a horse
named gomer? What do you think?
"Gomer"? You mean, uh, "get out of my emergency room"?
I'd rather play a horse named "leukemia."
[Samuels] What is this? You been
rummaging around in pat Boone's closet?
- What? What's wrong with them?
- This is a hospital, ehrlich,
not a fraternity mixer. Good morning, Dr. Samuels.
Good morning, Dr. Auschlander. Dr. Ehrlich, sir.
Dr. Ehrlich. Spiffy shoes.
Never thought that style would come back. [Scoffs]
Auschlander looks good. Yeah, I wish I had a dollar
For every metastasized cell in
his liver. How long you give him?
Six months. A year on the outside.
Nah. Twenty bucks says he won't make it past may day.
You're on. Hey, why don't we start a pool?
That's disgusting. You ought to
be ashamed of yourself, ehrlich.
What?
Oh, that's fabulous. That's
Not afraid of a pesky case of herpes, Dr. Armstrong?
I'll ignore that. Jack's wife's pregnant!
Ancient history, my dear.
Hey, Jack, you find out who the father is?
Mmm, not yet. Do you have to
take a cheap shot at everything?
Now, now, don't get nasty just because
you chose a career rather than a family.
What's that supposed to mean? Well,
according to the biological
clock on the wall, Dr. Armstrong,
at your age you have till about, oh, 8:15 to get pregnant.
Of course, finding a suitable donor
on such short notice is a problem.
But you talked me into it. Your place or mine?
Don't you ever stop?
After about three, four hours.
Dr. Chandler, we lost one of your patients last night.
Yeah. Mrs. Perez.
Nice lady too.
- Who was on I.C.U. Last night?
- Skilling.
Again? She called the code.
Where is she?
I guess she's changing. Her shift just ended.
Morning, rob by. How did you sleep?
Not so good. No?
Why do they wake you at 6:00 A.M. to take your pulse?
That's a good question. How does your ankle feel?
It's throbbing. Well, the swelling's starting to go down.
You know, after the operation,
this is gonna be as good as new.
Yeah? Yep. A couple of weeks in a cast,
you'll be off the injured reserve list,
ready to run back punts for the patriots.
Oh, come on.
That is not a compliment. My
sister could play for the patriots.
Oh. But then again, she has great hands.
I like them. Yeah?
It so happens I have an extra ticket
for the jet game a week from Sunday.
Oh, that's great. Yeah?
No. I don't think my parents will let me go.
I'll talk to them. Okay? It'll be all right. Oh, great.
You think you're gonna be able to climb all those steps
At schaeffer stadium on crutches?
Oh, come on. I mean, we're talking 35th row here.
You wanna race? Hey, I'm an athlete.
I'm tough. Dr. Samuels
Yeah? My mom brought me this.
- Would you like to try?
- Be serious, will ya?
I mean, with this Ivy league mind,
these surgeon's hands
I'd be done with this in about a week.
[Chuckles] I thought you said you were an athlete.
I've got sick people to see, rob by.
See you later. Bye, Dr. Samuels.
Anybody home That's breathing?
[Martin] Is that you, Wayne? Yeah, it's me.
Hi. I'm in here. Well, why there?
Wait, don't tell me. You know,
I saw a twilight zone once
Where a little girl rolls under her bed, through a wall,
into another dimension of space and time.
Would you like to come in? Not voluntarily.
I'll be out in a second. Make yourself comfortable.
Well, it's hard to be comfortable in a room
Where everybody else is so stiff.
All right, uh, who's got the sports page?
Oh, here it is. You finished with this?
Thanks. Oh, got it.
Hi, Wayne. I was just thinking about you.
Yeah? All I've been doing is thinking about you too.
I saw your signature on this death certificate. Yeah?
Oh, the D.O.A. from last night's car wreck.
Uh, fractured skull, cerebral hemorrhage.
If this guy had worn a seat belt, he might've
had breakfast with his family this morning.
Yeah. It's a shame.
So, you coming over after work tonight?
I've said yes twice today,
Wayne. Well, I was just checking.
Hope I'm not disturbing anything. Where do you want him?
Oh. I've got a full house.
Um, leave him in the hall. Here, I'll show you.
If we move Mrs. Perez over here,
then you can put him against the wall right here.
You got it. Great.
There. Now there's room for everybody.
So, I'll see you at 7:00. At 7:00.
Great. See you, guys. You're gonna love it here.
[Whispering, indistinct]
[Chandler] The chart says the code was called at 12:35.
Right. Well Wayne.
What happened to the 40 milliequivalent
drip I ordered? What? I never saw it.
Well, it's right here on the
chart, written in at, uh, 11:15.
I made a mistake. I'm sorry.
Sorry? Nurse, this is not the
first time. It didn't kill Mrs. Perez.
How do you know that? Where did you go to med school?
I've been here a long time,
Dr. Chandler. I know more than you think.
Well, it does not seem to reflect in your work, nurse.
Make your point. It's been a long night, doctor.
I don't think you're cutting it, nurse skilling.
If you have a problem with the way I do my job,
I suggest you take it up with Rosenthal and westphall.
Fine. That's my next step.
My, my. The monsters our children have become.
Remember your roots, Dr. Chandler.
It was not too long ago the cotton you
were picking wasn't from an aspirin bottle.
I don't need this. I've got enough of a morale problem
Without Dr. Chandler browbeating my nurses.
Nurse skilling is incompetent. You
had no right yelling at her in public.
- You did what?
- I got angry.
It was unnecessary and disrespectful. Disrespectful?
Two of my patients died one after nurse
skilling is late with a medication order.
That didn't kill Mrs. Perez. No, it didn't.
Pneumonia did. Same thing that
killed miss rothlein this morning.
Let's chalk that up to contamination during intubation.
Look, you cannot prove nurse
skilling had anything to do with that.
I don't have to. The evaluation speaks for itself.
Helen, her performance is deteriorating.
What do you think?
It's a lot harder working here.
She's older. Well, aren't we all?
[Westphall] What do you think we should do? Let her go.
Just a minute.
Eleanor skilling has been a productive
part of this hospital for 20 years.
You don't throw trained personnel like her away.
Besides, we're shorthanded as it is.
We'll just end up hiring her back
through some private registry
For more money than we're paying her now.
- Okay. Let's transfer her to another floor.
- Thanks.
[Woman on P.A.] Dr. Ed Tyler to fifth floor operating.
Dr. Ed Tyler, fifth floor operating.
So, I o-open the refrigerator to the blood bank
To check on a.B.-Negative, I find one pint,
two yogurts and a six-pack.
Have you tried the red cross? There's a city-wide shortage.
We're not exactly on the top of their priority list.
You got any ideas? [Chuckles] Not since breakfast.
I'll call the red cross again.
Maybe I'll have better luck. Gotcha.
Hi, Andy. Hi, doc.
The cops could have done a
cleaner job digging out the bullet.
You're early, Mrs. Rodriguez.
It's what is known as false labor.
Well, I thought it was time, but it's only my first baby.
It's hard to be sure. Well, you're anxious. It happens.
Berto [speaking Spanish] False labor.
[Spanish]
Berto is late for work.
And he's afraid if he's late again, he's gonna get fired.
There are so many people for these jobs.
He says that you'll give me the voucher for the bus home.
Sure. While he's at work,
is there anyone staying with you?
Yeah. Mrs. Dejesus. She comes over every afternoon.
Hey, she's pregnant too. She's
already got four girls and one boy.
And her husband, of course, wants a son this time.
Six children, and I worry about having one.
[Spanish] My husband says I talk too much.
Call me when the contractions start up again, okay?
Okay. This time I'll be sure.
She over-sliced the French bread a little,
you know, and got scared all the blood. Yeah.
Know how she stopped the bleeding? Surprise me.
A jar of coffee. You had to see it to believe it.
A gash filled with instant.
I just started my surgical tour,
and I got called in to observe.
There's this girl lying on the
table, and all she's wearing is her tan.
Lot of jokes, right? Oh, yeah. They were going crazy.
That bother you? [Exhales]
That's not the problem. I can handle that okay.
When they cut her across the abdomen, I I got sick.
Damn it. It it just made me so angry,
like I wasn't tough enough or something.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't belong here.
I'm afraid medicine is still a man's world.
It's a lot better than when I first came here.
There were two surgical dressing
rooms doctors and nurses.
What did you do? Well, I knew I wasn't a nurse.
I really shook things up in there.
I'm out of here. I've got 36 hours of r&r.
Lucky you. Where are you going? Driving to pittsfield.
Who's the lucky guy? Guys.
My father and brother. Haven't seen them in months.
Are you okay? Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
What about you, fiscus? How are you checking out?
I'm not dying. It's not in the program. Right.
Personally, I intend to tattoo "d.N.R."
Right across my chest in red, white and blue.
"Do not resuscitate."
And I plan to have a massive coronary
Right after a steak, a bottle of lafite rothschild 1961,
and bang right before the check.
Where are you going? Milk and cookies for Peter white.
I didn't know you guys were an item.
We're splitting coverage. He gets the first sleep.
I got to bribe him to get him
up. Oh, the rack monster calls.
Like circe to odysseus.
Circe to who?
Are you done with that, doll?
No, I meant the fruit salad. [Sighs]
Thank you. I hate to waste.
Montana fades back. He scrambles to his right. Come on.
He spots Clark in the end zone, fires touchdown!
W-Wait a minute. Where are the flags? No flags.
What do you mean Ah, nuts. All right.
The 49ers lead the bengals 14-nothing.
Will ya stop yakking and just kick off.
Grouchy, isn't he, sports fans? Come on.
Okay. Montana back in the pocket. He sees rob by durant
Wide open on a post pattern, fires touchdown!
No! I cannot catch a break!
Saved by the gun. And here's the halftime show, folks.
Where are the cheerleaders?
Oh, we left them in the hall.
- [Robby] What's going on?
- This?
This is a machine, measures your heartbeat.
And this good-lookin' woman here, nurse Rosenthal,
is gonna take just a little bit of your blood.
Oh j it's okay. It's okay.
It's standard pre-operating procedure. All right?
They're doing all the work. What are you doing?
- I'm watching.
- [Rosenthal] Yeah, cushy job.
- Let's get back to the game.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Sweetie, like back. It's okay. It's okay.
You gotta lie still for just a second.
Okay, then explain what "beating
the spread" means. You promised.
What, are you gonna start
taking the other kids' lunch money?
Only after you teach me high-low poker.
Yeah, next thing, you're gonna
want to know how to pick up girls.
That's easy. You tell them what they wanna hear.
I didn't teach him that. I swear. It's intuitive.
Come on, white. Get up.
It's my turn.
I'll give you five dollars to cover for me.
You haven't got five dollars.
Here. Come on. Come on. Compliments of room service.
All right, all right. All right.
All right.
Oh.
[Coughs]
Welcome to the land of walking cadavers.
You know, Morrison, I wake up
to you more than I do to my wife.
And I bet she doesn't give you breakfast in bed.
Not since the honeymoon.
Hey, I hear you're gonna have a kid.
A center fielder for the Red Sox.
Good luck.
It ain't easy.
Ah, but babies are so cute.
Believe me. The worst is yet to come.
First, Nina's gonna wanna quit
her job to be a full-time mother,
and that's less money coming in, more mouths to feed.
Then the two-door isn't big enough. She's
gonna want a wood-paneled station wagon.
And you're bustin' your tail off to
pay off a 30-year mortgage in Newton.
Sounds good to me.
Plus, you never see the kids. I
mean, they're awake, you're here.
As a matter of fact, they're asleep, you're here.
Look on the bright side, Peter. No doctor bills.
[Woman over P.A.] Code blue. Damn it! Lookit.
You're on call, nothing happened.
I'm awake, all hell breaks loose.
That's not fair. Doesn't anybody get better around here?
Get the light on the way out, will you?
It's not fair.
[Muttering] Fair.
All right. One, two, three, four, five.
- Come on, beat.
- She's dead, man.
Who asked you? Come on. Take over.
All right. Give me an amp of intracardiac epi.
- Still nothin'.
- How long since she had any rhythm?
- Too long.
- All right, get out of there.
All right, Pete. That's it. It's over.
Peter, it's over. Hey, hey.
Now, come on, Pete. It's over! Easy now.
She's the second lady today.
[Martin] Mmm. This is good.
[Fiscus] You like that? Mm-hmm.
Another glass of bubbly, my dear?
Please. Champagne and caviar makes a perfect meal.
High on bubbles, high on protein.
You look so handsome, Wayne. Great.
I was going for the, uh, William Powell, Cary Grant look,
but I think I'm caught somewhere
between Tony Curtis and a maître d'.
Wayne, what are we celebrating?
Well, I guess this is as good a time as any. Uh
Here. For me?
Open it.
Neat. A cuticle cleaner.
It's what every pathologist needs.
It helps get at those hard-to-reach tissues.
Thanks a lot. You're welcome.
Wayne, what's really going on?
Okay, this is the real reason.
Here.
Shreve, crump and low? Only the best.
Wayne open it.
Oh, a heart.
Oh, Wayne, it's beautiful.
I was looking for a 14-karat
kidney or a sterling silver liver.
But they only carry hearts.
It's pretty silly, huh? There's
an inscription on the other side.
Oh, it's hard to read. Well, I had a lot to say.
"To Cathy on our first anniversary.
Love always, Wayne."
A-And there's the date.
First anniversary? Yeah, w-we met a month ago today,
except that was a Monday and now it's a Wednesday, but
I can't accept this.
You have to. You're the only Cathy I know.
Try it on. Wayne Here. Just turn around.
Move your hair.
You are nuts. You know it? Mm-hmm.
It looks great.
I don't know what to say.
Don't say anything.
But, personally, I would appreciate it if
you would keep the conversation moving
'Cause I just shot off all my ammunition. Oh, Wayne
That'll do.
This is the nicest thing anybody's
done to me in a long time, but I
It's okay, Cathy. I understand.
No, you don't. That's just it. Yes, I do, really.
I really do. Hit it, Mel!
♪[Accordion]
Oh, Wayne.
I took his appendix out a year ago.
He owes me one. Nice touch, huh?
Dr. Fiscus, you are terrific.
I told them not to schedule me this morning!
I'm sorry, Dr. Craig. Nobody told me.
Good morning, Helen. Hi, Donald.
The lab just finished the workup on
the Thompson girl. Oh, good. Thanks.
Hmm. Got yourself real good this morning, Donald.
Not a real confidence builder for the
patient when the doctor cuts himself.
Time to change the blade. I did, but
my daughter decided to surprise me
By shaving her legs first.
These days, be thankful it
wasn't your son shaving his legs.
Great looking suit, Mark. Well, today's the big day.
The annual cushing left anterior
descending arteries society luncheon.
Surgeon of the year. Congratulations.
I know some people think this sort of thing is amusing,
but I'm proud of my work.
This award is important to me. Well, we're all proud.
It has meaning for everyone connected to St. eligius.
Thank you, Donald. It's important for me
to get positive feedback from my peers.
Sometimes I feel I'm not too well liked around here.
Oh, now, now, Donald. It's all right.
I'm not out to win any popularity contest.
The work's what's important, not
the recognition. Absolutely right.
Even though I should've won last year.
Now, I managed to make it to the butterfly finals.
So believe me, the pressure's really on.
I mean, I win, dartmouth wins the title. Right? Right.
All right. On one side of me is a guy from Princeton,
who could be a close relative of flipper.
And on the other side, in this last Lane,
is a guy from Syracuse, looks like he
could swim the Atlantic underwater.
I am so psyched, I shaved my entire body.
Why? You know, streamlined for less resistance.
What happened? Are you ready for this?
Two false starts. Disqualified.
I guess I was a little too psyched.
Yeah. You shaved your head too?
Could not get a date for six weeks.
Would you like to accompany me to the Craig luncheon?
You'll have to brave it alone. I found a new doctor.
- Who?
- Me. And I'm feeling better already.
"Doctor, heal thyself."
You know, Donald, the hardest
thing for me to do when I was younger
Was to find time to take off.
It seemed to me a doctor's work was never done.
There was always another problem, another patient.
When was the last time you were
away from here for more than a week?
You got me. I can't remember. My honeymoon?
You want some words of wisdom, Donald? From you, always.
There never is a right time to travel.
You got to make the time to go and explore,
because when you come back, nothing will have changed.
The same hospital, the same
patients some better, some not.
St. eligius will outlive us both.
All right. I'll try and keep that in mind.
I wish I had realized that before I got cancer.
But now I'm into other therapies,
something besides radiation,
something to improve the quality of my life.
The wife and I are planning a trip to Mexico.
- Laetrile?
- No, cabo San Lucas.
The best marlin fishing in the world.
Good idea. I'll see you later, Daniel.
Ah, Dr. Westphall. Hello, Ben. Who's your friend?
Robby durant, meet Dr. Westphall. He's the boss.
I thought you said Springsteen was the boss.
Well, he is. This is the boss of the hospital.
Hi, doc. Hi, rob by.
What happened? I was running a
hitch pattern in double zone coverage,
and I got my cleats caught on the turf.
[Chuckles] Got it?
Dr. Westphall used to play football in a leather helmet.
And no face mask. See, in my day single wing
to the right was a very complicated play.
And no face mask? You could bust your nose doing that.
I did. Robby's a future all-pro wide receiver.
He wants to know what I'm going to do to him.
I'm gonna introduce him to
Dr. Dembones. The best in his field.
See ya later, pal. Thank you.
Is that Dr. Dembones?
Ah, not yet. Where is he?
Right here behind door number one.
Robby durant, meet Dr. Dembones.
Shake hands with the doctor, rob by.
What happened to him? Hospital food.
Can I, uh, show you something in a loafer?
Okay, you see this? This bone is called the tibia.
Now, your break is right here.
Now, after I clean the dirt, the grass and
the rest of the 30 yard line out of here,
what I'm gonna do is put in a couple of pins
That will connect "a" to "b."
That way it's gonna be real strong, huh?
It'll heal properly, and it'll
give you the mobility to do this.
So where's the pin?
Well, would you hold my friend, please?
Right here.
Oh. When you said pin, I thought
you meant a needle-and-thread pin.
Look, we're talking bones. You know,
you need something really strong.
Is this gonna hurt? Nah. Piece of cake.
We'll prick you with a needle,
you'll be asleep for about 45 minutes.
What'll it feel like?
Like a trip to Disneyland, all expenses paid.
You scared?
No. Yeah.
Look, even pros get the pregame jitters, right?
I guess that's what it is.
I'll be able to move my foot like this?
[Laughs] I could never do that before.
Yeah, well, I don't wonder.
So, fiscus, how's the affair to remember?
I don't know what you're talking
about. Between you and Cathy Martin.
I can't talk about it. Come on, fiscus. You can tell me.
It's too personal. Personal?
Everyone knows what's going on.
Rumor has it you two have been
everywhere except Dr. Auschlander's office.
Really?
Really? Really.
I don't I don't believe this place. I got no privacy.
So, are we talking engagement ring and blood test,
or are you two just pinned?
You'll be the first to know, Daniels.
No privacy.
Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves.
I hear yours is around Cathy Martin's
neck, compliments shreve, crump and low.
Very nice. Okay, I give up, Daniels. You win.
You wanna know the whole truth? And nothing but.
Okay, here it is. I think I'm in love with her.
You're kidding. I wish I was.
Well, then I think giving her the
necklace was a wonderful thing to do.
You do? Yeah.
But the accordion was a little schmaltzy.
I can't believe this place. [Phone rings]
St. eligius emergency.
What kept you so long? Traffic. Sorry.
I guess that's what's keeping the others, huh?
Hello, Donald. Ellen.
How're the kids? Growing.
You guys haven't found a cure for that yet?
[Knocking]
And now for the moment we've all been waiting for.
Honoring the surgeon of the year
Is a proud moment for this society.
So without any further ado, the outstanding achievement
In heart surgery for 1982
Goes to Dr. Mark Craig of St. eligius.
Here you are, Mark. In honor of your hard work,
a plaster cast of your own hands.
Congratulations. Thank you very much.
Okay.
Uh, lucky for me I'm not being honored for military valor,
otherwise they'd have to pin these to my chest.
[Chuckling]
But, uh, seriously,
I'm very proud to be associated with
A hardworking, dedicated group like this.
You know, the human heart
Is a marvelously simple, efficient organ,
beating over 80,000 times every single day of our lives,
75 million times a year,
eight billion times over 72 years.
Amazing.
Through it, passes our life's blood,
and if the poets are to be believed,
all of life's joys and sorrows.
Is something wrong? You stiffed me.
Stiffed you? No, I didn't. I left a tip.
Anything less than 10% is an insult.
The check was the only part of
the meal I didn't have to wait for.
[Beeping]
Where's the pay phone? In the landing.
This is Dr. Cavanero.
Gimme your number.
Did you call an ambulance? Thanks.
[Groans]
Listen, do you have any change?
Sorry, I just closed the
register. But this is an emergency.
I'm sorry. I just closed the register.
Wh-what's going on? I'm a
doctor. I've got to deliver a baby.
Over the phone? I said it was an emergency.
He won't open the register. Do you have any change?
Uh
Now, since it's taken me a long time to get up here,
I'd like to take a few minutes
to thank some of the people
Who made this moment possible.
First,
to my parents, William and Elizabeth,
who guided me through my childhood with wisdom and love.
Do you mind if I have one? No.
I only wish they could be here to
share this special moment with me.
Mrs. Rodriguez? Hi, it's me, Dr. Cavanero.
No, don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay.
How close are the contractions?
It sounds like it's time.
Did you call your neighbor, Mrs. Dejesus?
Okay. Give me the number, and I'll
call her, and I'll call you right back.
I'd also like to tip my hat to wilfred Sloan,
my organic chemistry professor at penn,
an inspired educator, and a humanist,
who instilled in me the desire for excellence,
and who is, I'm happy to say,
alive and well,
88 years old in Philadelphia.
Next is Mrs. Dejesus there?
She isn't?
You're the only one home? What's your name?
Hi, Juan. This is Dr. Cavanero, Mrs. Rodriguez's doctor.
Yeah, that's right. That Mrs. Rodriguez.
Look, how old are you? That's old enough.
I want you to go to Mrs. Rodriguez's apartment now.
She's going to have a baby, and she needs your help.
Of course you can. I do it all the time.
Look, i-I'll talk you through it. Please.
[Exhales] Great! Now, I'll call you there.
Hurry.
[Phone ringing] [Mrs. Rodriguez groaning]
Oh, god.
Hello?
I want you to ask Mrs. Rodriguez
where she keeps her scissors and string.
Mrs. Rodriguez, you got scissors, string?
In the kitchen in a drawer.
Go, paco! Go!
- Which drawer?
- I don't remember!
I can't find it. I can't find it.
Wait. I found it.
Okay. We found it.
It's beginning to sound like a scavenger hunt.
Shouldn't she be boiling water, stuff like that?
Conditions are not aseptic. It's not necessary.
Not sterile. Oh.
Oh, wow! There's the head! Oh, wow!
I gotta get outta here.
Wait. Where you goin'?
I gotta get outta here. Paco!
Paco!
♪[Rock]
Looks good. Yep.
Bo Derek's got nothing on that tibia.
Okay, let's close.
Okay, v.J.? Mm-hmm.
Suture.
What a cute boy.
It's against the law in the state of Massachusetts, Louise.
A fantasy is not a felony, doctor. Ooh.
[Samuels] Hard to argue with that.
So, where you going on your honeymoon, Louise?
Niagara Falls. Wanna come along?
Sounds romantic. Wanna cut?
All that rushing water.
It makes me want to take a whiz.
Really? Yeah.
[Samuels] Wanna cut?
All right.
Wanna get the cast on, Dr. Ehrlich?
Start bringing him round, v.J.
Guys, he's good.
Nice work.
What do ya say, sport?
[Baby crying]
Oh oh, my god!
It's out! Oh, my god!
- What do I do now?
- Don't let the baby slip.
- Are there any loops around the baby's head?
- Yeah.
There's one no, two loops.
Okay, now. Carefully slip them over the baby's head.
Now, I want you to take the string
and tie it around the umbilical cord
About four inches away from the baby.
Now, take another piece of string
And tie that one about three inches
Away from that one toward the mother.
Now, take the scissors and cut in between the two strings.
[Scissors snap]
We did it. We did it!
[Laughs] It's done!
[Exhales]
Hi, Ben. Anspaugh.
How's life in the fast Lane?
Still looking for the perfect tax shelter.
A penny saved is one the I.R.S. can't find.
Mark. Ben.
How about you?
I spend it so fast, I don't have
time to think about hiding it.
I got a real estate deal you can write off four to one.
Save it, anspaugh. The celtics win?
Yeah. 123-120.
Damn! They didn't cover.
Maybe you should meet my tax man.
Maybe you should meet my bookie.
Ehrlich, I should've listened to you.
Look at this. Bird scores 40 points, the
celts still can't win by more than five.
The bench is just not delivering.
The cast set properly?
What?
He threw a fat embolus in
recovery. He went into full arrest.
What?
He died, Ben. Just like that.
♪[Rock]
[Girl laughing]
So where do you go to school?
How did you know? What, are you kidding?
Everybody in Boston is in college.
B.u. I'm a theater arts major. Ah, the stage.
It's a very honorable profession. My wife was an actress.
You're married.
Was. A long time ago.
I was in dartmouth, and Cynthia was at holyoke.
And we fell in love and got married.
Cynthia always thought that I did it to beat the draft.
Did you?
No. I went to med school to beat the draft.
Ucla.
See, Cynthia wanted to be an actress.
So we moved to Los Angeles.
And, uh,
I went to the university of Chad Everett.
It's a hell of a place.
Bartender!
How did you get back to Boston?
I took the red-eye. It's a stoli on the rocks with a twist.
I remember. And, please,
remember to make it a double.
And, uh, another one of those for the lady.
Anyway, I'm, uh,
working my tail off in med school,
and Cynthia found someone more artistic than me.
She thought the Karma was better.
A lot of Karma going around in 1970.
Do you think, uh
Do you think directing television is artistic?
Do you wanna see her picture?
Sure.
It's, uh it's a little on the old side.
She's pretty. Mm-hmm.
Is that your son?
William.
Billy. Named after my dad.
Cynthia was leaning towards, uh, "Eugene."
You know, as in McCarthy. Or "freedom," as in america.
But I figured, why give that
kid a reason for a fistfight
Every day for the rest of his life.
What a sweet baby.
Does he live with his mother?
Well, Cynthia got very paranoid living in L.A.
It does that to you.
Um I don't know. Manson was on the loose.
She bought a .44 Magnum. You
know, kept it in her bedside table.
Must have been a Clint Eastwood fan, right?
And, uh, Billy found it one day and
Blew a hole the size of a softball in his chest.
It's a very stupid way for a little boy to die.
I'm sorry.
Cynthia thought it happened
because I didn't go to Vietnam and die.
She began to get very weird.
I mean, that's the bottom line, isn't it?
I mean, whether it's cancer or
napalm or a safe fallin' on you,
we're all out here alone, dodging the bullets.
Except for Billy-boy, who didn't know enough to duck.
A toast to rob by durant
Another poor soul that never knew what hit him.
Who's rob by durant?
[Sighs]
A friend.
Well, drink up, lass.
Bartender! Another round.
I think you've had enough. I'm
going to have to cut you off.
Then I guess it's time to go home.
And don't think about driving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You
[Groans, laughs]
Could you do me a favor?
What did you say your name was? Diane.
Diane.
Lady di.
You know, you look like her a little.
You have such smooth skin.
Listen, I c-could you call me a cab?
Please.
[Mews]