Still Standing (2015) s01e05 Episode Script

1
It's like death came
knocking on Berwick's door
but everybody was too busy
with weird stuff to answer
[laughter]
That's his penis
He's a really good young weiner
That thing is lethal.
Once you go alpaca you
never go backa
When you grow up in small
town in Newfoundland;
you see the
people have a sense of
humour about hard times.
Check Check
I turned that into a career
and hit the road.
Mr. Jonny Harris!
Now I'm on a mission; to
find the funny in places
you'd least expect it,
Canada's struggling small towns.
Towns that are against the
ropes but hanging in there.
Still laughing in the
face of adversity.
The welcoming committee
for Berwick, Nova Scotia.
Phew!
Here we are in Berwick,
Nova Scotia,
the apple capital of Canada.
[applause]
The only town left where
the apple store
sells actual apples.
[laughter]
You know the apple really
is a symbol from whence
the town came.
They're on every street
sign, we have beautiful
new bike racks all
throughout the town.
Well you got one right
there on your shirt.
I wear apple jewelry every day.
Yeah got to meet a lot
of great people while
I've been here.
Julie Glasser and Carol Boylon.
[applause]
Before the second world
war it was discovered they
could actually grow apples
of a variety that had a
long storage because of
the quality of the soil.
This really was the centre
of fruit production.
That must have been a
hotly debated topic at
town hall here, what kind of
apple is going to go up here.
Well I'm not driving
past a spartan every day
especially when a
macintosh has got
a sweeter juice and
a tastier pulp.
A tastier pulp are you kidding?
I'll take an empire's
pulp over a mac any day!
Listen the portland has
the crispiest-
Order, order, order!
[laughter]
Is the apple business
still a viable one now?
Not so much.
Times have certainly changed.
Berwick really blossomed
until the war when
Britain, its main customer,
banned fruit imports.
Since then one local
industry after another
began falling by the way side.
This town it's got
something that other
places don't, when
times are tough here,
people stay and they
make it work.
Julie Glasser told me
she was driving through
Berwick and she just had
a feeling in her gut that
she would end up living
here one day and I can
relate to that cause I got
a feeling in my gut that
I'm going to get drunk
in Berwick tonight.
[laughter]
I'll never leave
Berwick, I love it.
This is where I'm
going to be forever.
It means everything to me.
Carol's love for
Berwick holy crapple.
We got a bag of apples
here for you, every man in
Berwick eats 20 pounds
of apples a week.
You can do it come on.
I will eat all of these
apples then I will
probably vomit but
I will eat them.
I got a first good look at
the town with Rod Reeves here.
Former radio announcer
that's been in the car
business for about 12 years now.
I was like god man this
town is really in trouble,
the car salesman
doesn't have a car.
[laughter]
My dad worked at the
Larsis plant for 35 years.
It closed down.
There are stories of loss
in this town for sure.
A bunch of local farmers
started this chicken
processing plant back up.
Reinvented it and now it's
another vibrant business.
But it turns out local
entrepreneurship is giving
Berwick a happy ending.
The driftwood restaurant
was actually our town's
old fire department.
What used to be the
former police station
is now a coffee shop.
Is now a coffee shop?
Although the biggest difference?
More cops there now.
[laughter]
This town over the years
has been knocked on its
knees many many times
and keeps bouncing back.
We're all very proud of that.
A lot of like businesses
spaces, buildings don't go
empty for very long when
usually when someone moves out,
somebody else puts
a business in there and
they're up and going again.
And often that somebody
is named Harley.
- Here is Bargain Harley's.
- Okay
Two people you need
to talk to are
George and Harley Moody.
Harley is kind of like the
godfather of this town.
Now I'm anxious
about meeting him.
Bargain Harley's is one
of a number of thriving
new businesses the
brothers have built in a
shell of a dead one.
It's just utter randomness,
it's like the internet
threw up in here.
It was actually George who
took me around the store.
I was very impressed by
Bargain Harley's;
where else can you go to buy
a motivational posters,
cutlery and a horse thermometer?
We got hunting knives
Jonny in case you
want to go hunting.
Hunting knives right
next to the last supper.
I'm just scratching my
head saying George where
the hell does Harley
get all this stuff?
You know why would Harley
buy bowling balls when
we don't have a bowling
alley in Berwick?
That's ballsy, that's ballsy.
Is your brother a dangerous man?
Well he's a good shot.
He's a good shot, okay.
Alright was excited if
not a little nervous to
meet the Godfather behind
all this reinvention.
Mr. Moody?
You must be Jonny, come in.
If you haven't seen the
inside of Harley's office,
first of all
congratulations you are
not a dead animal.
[laughter]
And you hunt in
Newfoundland a lot? -Yes
You're not getting
the urge to shoot
something from
Newfoundland right now are you?
No no -Okay you and George
have the grocery store,
Bargain Harley's, a golf course,
a plaque factory I'm assuming.
The guy's an achiever
you got to give him that.
Yes one of his plaques
said most likely to
receive a plaque.
[laughter]
It doesn't look good to have
empty buildings in the town.
Right -And I like a challenge.
I found this small Nova
Scotia town in the midst
of a reinvention after a
150 years of being
defined by one thing.
Like my 20 pound bag I
wonder if carrying on with
these apples was a gift
or a weight to bear?
He's more of a banana man.
Too far.
But I was about to find
out in this town,
if you don't stay crisp, your
apples could get sauced.
Did she get you?
I was told that maybe
with Berwick the shine
had come off of it.
You know it was a town
built upon an apple
industry that really is no more.
But what I've been most
impressed by by Berwick is
this sort of overwhelming
sense of optimism.
I did have a chance to
chat with the actual apple
blossom princess.
Before I went in I dabbed
on a little bit of
apple cider vinegar.
I think at the end of
the day I just smelled
like piss but-um
Am I the first man to
bring you apples?
Sorry.
So much for that.
I didn't know if when I
went if I was supposed
to bow or curtsy.
Oh handshake is fine.
A handshake's alright?
Oh very informal okay.
I've got a couple of
questions about just what
it means to be the apple
blossom princess:
Have you ever been kidnapped
and held in a tower?
Well that's more
rapunzel isn't it?
Oh is it yeah.
Have you ever had any
trouble with witches, ie,
has any witch ever given
you a poison apple.
No but are those?
No no these are tasty
berwick apples,
they will not make you
fall asleep forever.
OK. Good.
I've never met a princess.
I live in downtown Toronto
I've met a couple of Queens.
Where do you see
yourself in a few years?
I'd like to be a teacher
in Berwick but there's not
a lot of kids here so
there's not a lot
of job opportunities.
Ya that would be too bad.
Ok I'm running out of
princess questions.
Are you eligible to
marry Prince Harry now?
Yes anytime.
And you like the sound of that?
But she's a great gal
she's got a level head on
her shoulders, I think
Berwick you have chosen well.
I'm going to do this as
I leave just to make sure
I'm being mannerly.
I would go crazy if I had that
kind of power at that age.
Here comes Jonny appleseed!
Spreading his seed across
the Annapolis Valley.
[laughter]
Actually maybe that's not
a good-that's not -
a that's not a good idea.
Okay let me regroup
let me regroup.
[applause]
All I have found
since I got here is
people who are
diving into brand new,
interesting, exciting
things and making them work.
Like Peter Woodyer.
He has an alpaca farm.
But Peter invited me
over to see the alpacas.
I said give me ten
minutes I'll pack a bag.
Look at these magnificent
creatures,
These are alpacas.
The best I can surmise
is that an alpaca
is a product of a
sheep and a camel.
Personally I could see why
a lady sheep might
fall for a camel.
He's nice and tall, he
doesn't drink much and
he's good for a hump or two.
[laughter]
I am a veterinarian.
I retired and I had a
need to keep animals.
I couldn't decide what to keep.
I thought about deer.
- Right.
But they know
exactly where the tips of
those spikes are and
I'm too young to die.
Oh yes they're like
ninjas with those.
That's right.
Then I thought ostrich.
No I'm too beautiful to die.
You don't approach an
Ostrich without a mattress
in front of you.
This is a good education.
I had no idea.
Somebody mentioned the
word alpaca and investment
in the same sentence
so the penny drop.
Why not?
Well that's what most
hard working middle class
Canadians do for their
retirement is take out a
second mortgage on the
house and drop
tens of thousands of
dollars on alpacas.
Just herd them.
No too far, too far, more over.
A prized alapaca can be
worth 200,000 dollars,
can you believe it?
200,000 dollars it should
give you sound legal advice.
This one's looking at
me like I'm an idiot.
Come on girls.
We all know once you go
alpaca, you never go backa.
We have one girl, she's nuts.
She's nuts?
Like cuckoo?
They will stand back,
they will regurgitate,
get a mouthful
Did she get you?
It got me well almost, got
me right in the alpacas.
[laughter]
This area around Berwick
is as nice as any
and better than most.
The land is good,
the soil is good and
it's working out nicely.
We're just keeping
our fingers crossed.
They're like RRSP's but hairier.
But Peter's opened my
eyes to this sort of
theme of reinvention and
renewal that's going
on in Berwick you know.
There's got to be
something in the apples here.
Now I've noticed the
domino effect of loss in
small towns but in Berwick
it's a domino effect of ideas.
Rachel Argo moved to
Canada from Scotland.
Rachel thought the best
place to raise fancy
Spanish horses would be Berwick.
You may as well go big.
And she also has a
Vietnamese pot
belly pig named Frodo.
Come here, Frodo.
You know what's
weirder than that?
She said she moved here
for the warmer weather
and it works.
Jonny started the cookhouse.
We spell our names the same way.
No H in Newfoundland
Oh right if you're
heating and happle then
you've got too many h's.
He's putting the dash of
Newfoundland in his food.
Order.
Eeeek.
I left even more
with my finger tips.
Margie Lamb started
the meat market.
We named it after my
husband, he's a really
good young weiner.
Apparently the meat market
started as a pig roast
right 25 years ago.
My weiner is sagging.
That's life.
As long as the buns don't
sag with it, you're okay.
It all seems to work.
It's like death came
knocking on Berwick's door
but everybody was too busy with
weird stuff to answer.
[laughter]
Even academics long
drawn to retire in this
beautiful region seem to
be learning from Berwick
itself that you can teach
an old dog new tricks.
These are all English
Springer Spaniels.
I went out with the
sporting spaniels,
Paul and Cindy and Andre
and Robin and Diane.
We planted our farm in
different kinds of
grasses to hold the birds.
Oh is that right?
We've got a physics
professor, an acoustics
professor, a computer
science professor and
a business professor.
Is it harder to teach spaniels
or university students?
They said the dogs are
easily distracted but
they smoke much less weed.
Now this is?
This is saucy wench.
Saucy wench.
Yes for a woman of easy virtue.
Easy virtue.
It just barely
beat out drunk tease.
Second runner up,
hammered skank.
[laughter]
Saucy though she may
be, I was suffering some
performance anxiety.
You have to realize that
that thing is lethal.
This is lethal.
Oh good okay.
Everybody tuck back.
I'm new at this racket.
And three, two, one
fires cracker
Holy smokes, how was that?
It was passable.
everybody laughs
This is what the day
culminates with.
You bet.
It's quiet and peaceful
and we can have woods
at our doorstep.
I can go out in nature
where I have to be.
Another ex-prof in the
area has a plan
to help small towns.
Colin Bell wants to make farms
tourist destinations.
Well I'll be his guinea pig.
There's a big challenge in Nova
Scotia with the rural economy,
it's not doing too well
and small farms are
a big part of that.
So unless people find a
way to you know make small
farms profitable, they're
going to go the way of
the dodo and they're
going to die out.
Well why don't we
jump in and you can
Yeah and I'll show ya.
He wanted me to see the farm
and offer some feedback.
These are my layers and
they do lay eggs but
not in their chicken coop here.
I think some sort of
predator got in there
and scared the poop out of them.
I said I think I know who the
predator might be Colin.
It's Colin.
Colin they're hiding
their eggs from you man.
Cause they know they're
going to end up
in the frying pan.
First task, find the eggs
which, mysteriously,
were not under the chickens.
Now is there anything
where you're standing?
Cause if there is I guess
you've squashed them huh?
I guess you don't do too
well at easter time huh?
AHHH!
Oh you're getting hot.
There you go!
I can't believe that.
Finally it was time to
move up to the mammals.
My favourite.
What kind of sheeps are these?
These are purebred icelandics.
And in my next task Colin
endowed me with a little
more responsibility.
They're some lambs
born just yesterday.
We dip the navels in
iodine to stop them
getting infected.
So here we go, that's his
penis but if you hit his
penis, his penis is going
to shrivel up and kind of
drop off and he won't
be too happy about that.
I won't do that, I
will not do that.
And then tip it up,
bingo, excellent.
I'd give you a ten out of ten.
All clear of the penis.
Now that little guy can
grow up to impregnate
a female sheep.
Kids leave the room!
So Jonny you're going
to see a birthing.
It's her first birth, you
can see she's ready though
cause those are the hooves that
are sticking out right now.
She comes out, the hooves
are like this and the
head's tucked down.
It does the superman.
It comes out with a
big dive, you got it.
The town where I grew up,
Pouch Cove in Newfoundland,
it's a fishing town,
there's no farms.
I've never been around
anything like that in my life.
Keep pushing, that's a girl.
And it was really to be quite
honest it was quite moving.
There you go.
Holy cow.
We got to let mama clean it,
there you go mama, come on.
What a good job.
Start working on it, you
lick it, come on,
come girl you lick it,
come on lick it damn it.
The mother doesn't know
what to do and
it's really important to
get this mucous out of its
nose and its mouth because that
can stop it from breathing.
And we lay it down in
front of the mother and
the thing's not moving,
it's not breathing.
Come on keep licking, keep
licking, you got to keep
this guy alive, come on.
Come on girl, you're
supposed to be licking it.
The mother doesn't know
what to do right and
it's really important to
get this mucous off.
We lay it down in front of
the mother was troubled so
we were panicked and it
turns out that before the
baby lamb can start
breathing it needs all
the mucous licked clean from it.
There we go it's
alive, good girl.
I think the lamb's
going to make it.
And I'll tell ya it wasn't
that bad, it wasn't that bad.
I got a bit of a buzz off
it, it was kind of nice.
So what will you
call the little lamb?
This is probably going to
be number 12 or something.
Welcome to the world
number 12 happy to have ya.
That mucousy moment
taught me there's no point
focusing on the hard times
in life, it's what you do
next that really matters.
That was pretty
powerful to see that.
Giving reviews in
person is kind of awkward
but I had no email
access soooo
So I have the first written
review of your farm stay.
Dear Colin, how are you?
I am fine.
I had a great time
at the farmstay.
One of my faves was
iodizing navels,
I like how you have to
avoid shriveling the penis,
the stakes are high on that one.
The egg hunt was
frustrating for me.
I don't like to be
outsmarted by poultry
never have, never will.
The highlight of my stay
was birthing a lamb,
yes there was a lot of mucous,
like mucous city man but
I will always have a place
in my heart for number 12.
Yours truly, Jonny Harris.
Thank you.
You can do whatever
you want with it.
I've learned a lot here
since I got to Berwick.
How you guys adapt and reinvent.
I've learned that you can
be happy if you're rolling
with the punches you know.
I've learned that if life
hands you lemons, you make
lemon flavoured apple
juice, is what you do.
I realize now the true
gift Carol and
Julie had given me.
You could only really
learn the lessons of
Berwick one bite at a time.
Carol and Julie told me
that any proper Berwick
man eats 20 pounds
of apples in a week.
Hey Hey
I think you've been had
right before I came down to
the hall here tonight my mom
called me for the first
time since I got to Nova
Scotia and she said
Jonathan how is it going?
I said oh you know
it's going pretty good.
I toured with some Belgian
beauties, had tea
with a princess, ate 20
pounds of apples and
birthed an Icelandic lamb.
She said what are
you talking about?
I said mom I'm talking
about Berwick, Nova Scotia.
Thanks so much everybody.
[Applause]
Jonny picked up on everything
that we do in Berwick.
Jonny didn't miss anything.
I was expecting to have
the mickey taken out of me
but hey he did it so
nicely I didn't mind.
I just love the town.
I do and that's why
because there's people
like this that fill this place.
I'm not using my fm radio
voice when I tell Jonny
to come back anytime.
Jonny has helped us
reflect on who we are and
the fun that we actually
have and we don't even realize.
It's really great that
Jonny was able to consume
at least 20 pounds of
apples while he was here.