The Doomies (2026) s01e05 Episode Script

1
[chanting in made-up language]
[screams]
[grunting]
[screams]
[gasps]
[panting]
What am I?
-[Romy] It is I, Mordam.
-[thunderclap]
Come to feast on the soul of the Bobby
and pick my teeth with his bony arms.
Sorry, Romy. But the Bobby
still needs these toothpicks
to put decorations up.
Happy Noz An Anoan!
[Romy] Happy Noz-- [stammers]
No. Oh. [scoffs] So hard to pronounce.
How about, uh,
happy Night of the Living Gnarlies?
[chuckles]
How come you're not dressed up?
Eh, nothing could ever beat me
and my mom's costumes from last year.
The flies really sold it.
I wish we were still together.
With the flies?
No, my mom!
So, is this what you and your sisters
are going as?
Nah, I ghosted 'em.
We've got way more important stuff to do.
Tonight, we hunt down Mordam!
[thunderclap]
Think about it. Now that
we've unleashed evil into the world,
odds are tonight's spook fest
could feature real monsters.
Monsters still out to get you.
Wait, if all the humans are dressing up,
does that mean the monsters
will be stripping down?
[chuckles] Naked gnarlies.
-That'd be gnarly!
-[cat yelps]
[Romy] Hmm?
Um, not important right now, but still--
Normie?
-Or naked gnarlie.
-[groaning]
Oh!
Oh, thank you. [gulps]
Well, your arm's not glowing.
So I think it's just Maurice, clothed.
Good thing we've got a Kim
to keep the monsters in check.
I wonder where she is.
She'll show up when we need her.
She's like an evil-seeking missile,
-in stylish sunglasses.
-[monster chuckles]
Hey, hey, hey, you gotta pay for those!
-[monster laughing]
-Hey!
-[gasps] Target acquired.
-Huh?
-Come on!
-[yelps]
[upbeat music playing]
-[monster pants]
-[Romy pants, grunts]
Hey!
[Romy pants, grunts]
Oh, Mayor Mallory. [chuckles]
Just grabbing you
to ask how the school reno was going?
Oh, I so miss education. [giggles]
-[Bobby] Romy!
-Later.
[music ends]
[monster belches]
[Bobby] All right. Hand over
my Aunt Jenny's crepes,
and no one gets hurt.
[grunting]
[chuckles]
[groans] That was pure evil.
Are you Mordam?
[shudders]
[both] Hmm?
Nah, I think he's scared of Mordam.
[whimpers]
-Mordam!
-Mordam!
-Mordam!
-Mordam!
-[Bobby] Mordam!
-[Romy] Mordam, Mordam, Mordam.
-Mordam!
-Mordam!
Well, that was fun.
Now, tell us about you know who,
unless you want to meet our backup,
the chosen one.
[grunts, chuckles] Sure.
Your backup can meet my backup.
[both] What backup?
[grunting]
[grunting continues]
[vomits]
[both whimper]
-[growling]
-[Bobby] Where's our evil-seeking missile?
-We should call her.
-Can't.
She's the only teenager in the universe
without a phone!
-[metal clanks]
-[both] Hmm?
[both screaming]
[monsters chuckling, growling]
[Bobby screams]
[monster grunts, groans]
[both strain, grunt]
[thudding]
[both sigh]
Guess we better go fetch
our evil-seeking missile.
[dog barking in distance]
-[brakes squeak]
-[bell rings]
Hmm. Lights are out.
Guess the chosen one's
chosen to do her own thing?
It's not as if she has hobbies.
[gasps] Maybe she's napping.
-I'll knock.
-The door's probably booby-trapped.
Hey, Kim, wakey-wakey.
Evil's afoot!
-[dogs barking]
-Let's go full name.
That gets my attention
when I'm in trouble.
Hey, Kim-- [stammers]
-Uh, what is her full name?
-[horn honks]
-Doug!
-It's definitely not Doug.
[tires screeching]
[straining]
Doug, where's Kim?
And what's her last name?
I don't know.
I never actually gave her one.
But what do you think of my costume?
I don't get it.
What are you? A possessed pop-up book?
I'm a book.
I possess… [grunts] …my grimoire.
Huh?
Uh-huh.
Anyway, Kim's gone AWOL
on the one night evil could be everywhere,
and if she's in costume,
we'll never find her.
Just leave it to me.
I'll track her down
with my telepathy compass.
I invented it to find my cat.
Cool. Uh, wait, you don't have a cat.
Yeah. Not since I learned
what he really thought about me.
Anyway, this can track anyone's thoughts.
[Romy] Don't think his costume's lame.
Don't think his costume's lame.
Why, thank you, Romy.
I'm so glad you don't think
my costume's lame.
-Me and Kim will catch up to you later.
-[engine starts, revs]
[monster growls]
Gnarlies or normies?
Wouldn't want to find out
without my Bobby-guard-- Bodyguard!
[stammers] Bodyguard!
Uh, never tell Kim I called her that.
If we ever find her.
[bicycle rattling]
Have you seen the chosen--
Uh, our friend?
She kicks butt and glares a lot.
-Really angry all the time. Furrowed brow.
-[smacks lips] No.
[Bobby] You want to avoid her at all cost.
Nah, sorry.
And, uh, that's basically
her whole personality.
[Maurice] Never seen her.
Uh-oh.
Hey, Bobby, have you seen Romy?
[chuckles] Uh, who?
-Romy. My daughter.
-Ro-- [stammers] Romy?
No, no, we don't hang out much.
[chuckles] Um, have you seen this lady?
Why? Did she escape prison?
All right. Think to me, Kim.
[person 1] Oh, it's that lighthouse loner.
[person 2] Why is he dressed
like a paper jam?
[person 3] He smells so moist.
Now, that's a book I could put down.
Kim, Romy, Doug?
Mom?
I can't believe you made it, Mom.
[yelps]
-Hmm.
-Romy, I just saw something weird.
Me too. And it's wearing Kim's sunglasses.
-[grunts]
-Where's Kim?
[blows raspberry]
Don't play dumb with me.
[blows raspberry]
Oh, yeah? Two can play that game.
[both blowing raspberries]
[Bobby clears throat]
[blows raspberry] Oh, sorry.
You wanna tag in?
Hmm?
Romy, care to explain why
you're bullying your little sister?
Huh?
-[blows raspberry]
-[Romy gasps]
I thought she was a monster.
How'd you make such cool costumes?
With no help from you. [blows raspberry]
Well, I guess we've learned
who the real monster is today.
Wait, no, w-what's that supposed to mean?
Who's the real monster?
Uh, me? I swear
there's actual monsters out here.
-[sighs]
-Aw, man. It's okay, Romy.
They'll get it after we save the world
or die trying.
[Doug grunting, pants]
Just ignore the trolls, Doug.
Your costume is brave and beautiful.
-Everything okay, Doug?
-Hear any of Kim's thoughts?
Nope, nothing yet.
Wait, if we can't find her
and we can't phone her,
we can always signal her
from the lighthouse.
We should beam a big letter K
for Kim into the sky.
Or a giant image of my face.
Since I am her creator.
[all screaming]
Pass. That'd traumatize the town.
Uh, besides, Kim left us a signal.
[electronic voice] You have exceeded
safe human levels of screen time.
Click to quit,
or do nothing and keep watching.
-Doug, what do you know?
-[Doug] Nothing!
Except, last time I saw Kim,
she kept badgering about who she is,
where she came from. Yada, yada, yada.
But she already knew all that.
You never told her?
Not exactly, per se.
[stammers] I told her to look it up online
like a normal teen.
[chuckles]
What? The Internet's perfect
for awkward questions.
Besides, I was busy creating my costume.
[sighs, groans]
Yikes. Her first search was ten hours ago.
"Who am I?"
I am me ♪
You are you ♪
The world is round and so is my head ♪
[sighs] Don't tell me
she watched ten hours of that.
[Doug] Nope. Strangely, that little gem
led Kim down an existential rabbit hole.
Nietzsche, Camus, Voltaire.
So much despair.
Ooh, she also clicked our channel.
The arm is bad enough,
but that doesn't explain the relentless
shades-wearing maniac chasing me.
-Kim?
-Wait, you know her name?
Well, I used a spell to summon her.
A chosen one to protect Ouimper
from the forces of evil.
-[Kim screams]
-[Romy] And gave it a thumbs down.
Mmm. I guess finding out
your origin story online would be awkward.
[Doug] Ah, splendid.
Your video gave Kim
her first teenage crisis,
but let's not pass blame.
We better focus on finding her
before her condition worsens.
Let's see,
we could use the conjuring crystal.
It can summon anything or anyone you want.
[blows]
For a price.
That sounds kind of drastic.
Kim's probably just blowing off steam
bashing monsters somewhere.
And that's how we'll find her.
[Jenny clicks tongue] Oh, Bobby.
Thanks for taking over crepe duty
on the busiest night of the year.
The world's greatest aunt
deserves to enjoy the festival too.
[gasps, chuckles] Oh,
you think I'm the world's greatest aunt?
Okay, I gotta go. I'm gonna ruin it.
-Bye-bye.
-Bye. Have fun.
[giggles]
Who's up for a midnight snack?
-I am.
-[monsters grunting, growling]
[yelps] Get 'em off, get 'em off!
This is a crime of fashion. [screams]
Hey, I meant something
with a little more protein in it.
[grunts, growls]
Tell us where the chosen one is,
and we'll give you all
the crepes you can eat.
What's stopping us
from eating them right now?
-Try it and it all goes flambé.
-[squeals]
Don't do anything crazy.
Word is she's at
the secret Monster's Ball.
How do we get there?
Just told you it's a secret.
Stop! It's on the edge of town, all right?
Quickest way is through the sewers,
but dress for the party.
I wouldn't be caught dead
looking human if I were you.
I don't see how a werewolf costume
is scarier than a book of knowledge,
but whatever.
Bobby, light the way to evil
with your arm thing.
Nope. It took me forever
to wrap these mummy bandages.
[sighs] Then use your phone light, Romy.
No way I'm wasting battery
before I film that monster party.
Why don't you conjure some,
Mr. Light Keeper?
[sighs] My master
never taught me that spell.
He left this mortal coil
before my training was complete.
Sorry. Did he die fighting evil?
No. A piano fell on his head.
Oh, that's terrible and random.
Not really. I was practicing a spell
to levitate heavy objects at the time.
[both] Oh.
But I kept practicing from my grimoire.
Let me just give it a try.
[clears throat]
[chanting in made-up language]
-Aha!
-Hey, maintain social distance.
-Or a plague be upon you.
-[gasps] I did it!
I conjured a Yan-Gant-Y-Tan to guide us.
Well, someone thinks very highly
of themselves, don't they?
I was actually on my way
to the Monster's Ball.
Hey, uh, we're going there too.
[chuckles] We should totally go together.
Great. Let's do that,
strangers I just met.
So, how come I've never seen you three
at any demon events?
Oh, yeah, well, that, uh, well, you know,
you know how busy being undead gets.
[chuckles]
Yeah. Uh, haunting, the drownings.
Eating kids' souls.
Their bony arms make great toothpicks.
Now, who will lead the secret chant
to open the party portal?
Why is the werewolf sweating so much?
-Canines don't sweat.
-[chuckles]
[stammers] I just get
severe social anxiety,
you know, b-before parties.
I know those feels.
-You'll be just fine.
-[nervous chuckling]
I'll be your wingdemon tonight.
[stammers] We'll just follow
your lead, wingdemon.
From darkness, we all come.
[Doug, Bobby, Romy] From darkness,
we all come.
To party all night long.
[Doug, Bobby, Romy]
To party all night long.
On the sacred night of Noz An Anoan.
[Romy, Doug, Bobby] On the sacred night
of Noz An Anoan.
[stammering]
Yeah, w-whatever. Let's just party on!
Whatever?
You're no sea hag. You're a teenage girl
[gasps]
-Impostors! [growls]
-[yelping]
Mortal fools.
Make a wish because it will be your last.
[all grunting]
[sighs] Hmm?
[all chuckle]
[Doug gasping] Hold on.
[grunting]
[sighs] Next time, carry a flashlight.
[Bobby, Doug sigh]
[gasps]
[distant laughter]
[crows cawing]
[chuckling] Hey, you made it.
Ace costumes.
[all shushing]
[monsters groaning]
[Romy gasps] Kim hasn't
annihilated these gnarlies yet,
which means I can still film it.
-[Romy] Wow.
-[Doug gasps]
Welcome to the first Monster Ball
of the 21st century. [chuckles]
Tonight, we celebrate
the sacrifices we've made,
and the ones we'll make.
I'm talking the chosen one.
[thunderclap]
[cawing]
[gasps]
Captured by yours truly, Groac'h.
But no sacrificing
until our guest of honor arrives.
So please,
mingle around the lost soul punch bowl.
I spiked it with orphan tears.
[monsters chattering, chuckling]
[Doug] Mmm. Whoa! [grunts]
[monster] That is tasty.
Yeah-- Oh, that's good.
Kim, it's us.
H-Hello?
[sighs] Groac'h must have put her
in a trance.
Or worse, her teenage crisis
has gone critical.
Then boost us up
so we can snap her out of it.
I'm sorry, Bobby.
I just don't do levitation spells anymore,
because of, well, you know.
No, he's asking you
to literally give us a boost.
-[Doug groans]
-Hey, Kim. Snappety snap.
We gotta bounce.
[Kim sighs] Why? What's the point?
Didn't you hear the bit
about human sacrifice?
Spoiler, it's you.
[Kim] It doesn't matter.
I'm not human anyway.
I'm a no one, created from a magic trick.
I have no memories, no family.
-I'm nothing.
-[sighs] Don't say that.
I put a lot of work
into creating you from nothing.
Uh…
What Doug is trying to say, badly,
is that you're the chosen one.
Doesn't that mean something?
[Kim] Chosen for what?
All I've ever been is
a tool created to destroy evil.
-No. Where'd you get that idea?
-[clears throat]
Oh, yeah, the video.
-We should have been straight with you.
-But we took you for granted.
We treated you
like an evil-seeking missile.
Like our own private Bobby-guard.
-[shushes]
-[chuckles]
[chuckles]
But above all, you're a Doomie,
and we're not leaving without you.
-Right, guys?
-[branch cracking]
[grunts]
-Mmm?
-Huh?
Every man, teen and tween for themselves!
[screaming]
Dude, we're supposed to be a team!
Worst Light Keeper ever!
Looks like the guest of honor has arrived.
As in the Bobby, our true sacrifice.
[slurps]
Plot twist.
[chuckles] "The Bobby." Called it.
I thought I-I was the sacrifice.
No, no, no, no, no, my clueless one.
You were but a tool to lure the Bobby.
See, I knew how humans rush
into danger to save their friends.
[Groac'h scoffs]
Friends.
Oh, want a group hug?
Too bad!
Catch him!
-[yelps, whimpers]
-[monsters chuckle, growl]
I'm no one's tool anymore.
I choose my own purpose,
and today it's saving my friends.
[groans]
[gasps]
-[grunts]
-Aw, so you forgive us?
You haven't actually
made things up to me yet,
-so I'm gonna need you to survive.
-[chuckles]
You know what? That's fair.
-Everyone, secure the sacrifice.
-[monsters growling]
-For Mordam!
-[monsters] Huh?
-Wait, this party's for Mordam?
-Mordam's back?
[monsters screaming]
You can't leave. You owe me.
I-I made you punch
with orphan tears! [growls]
-[monsters clamoring]
-Mordam's back!
Wait, this party's for Mordam?
Nope, I'm out.
[monsters whimpering]
[growls] Give me the Bobby,
or I'll turn you all into fish.
Oh, come on. As if that's a power.
-[gasps]
-[squelching]
Mordam just loves seafood.
-[pants]
-[clucking]
[rock music playing]
[clucking continues]
I'm not a real werewolf.
I'm actually trying
to go vegan. [chuckles]
I don't taste good.
-[screams]
-[chicken crows]
[Romy] It's okay, Bobs.
You can live at my mussel farm
until we find a cure.
You can finally get to know them.
So, silver lining?
[grunting]
[groans]
[grunting]
Enough! Surrender the Bobby,
unless you wish to join him
on Mordam's seafood platter!
[gasps]
[chuckles]
-[screaming]
-[chicken clucking]
-[screaming continues]
-[clucking continues]
Not a chicken! Not a chicken!
I hate chickens!
[both grunt]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[grunts, gargles]
[music ends]
[clattering]
[gargling]
Whoo-hoo!
I told you that
I'd come back for you, Kim.
Really? 'Cause it looked like
you were being chased by that chicken.
-[clucks]
-[gargles]
A cockerel to be exact,
known to diminish the powers of gnarlies.
Light Keeper pro tip.
Any pro tips to turn Bobby back?
[murmurs]
Well, I'll search my grimoire.
[sighs] But it may
require decades of study.
[murmurs]
Yeah! Whoo! [chuckles]
[sighs] Oh,
thanks for making me human, Kim.
Hey, I could say the same thing.
-[Romy, Bobby chuckle]
-Hmm.
Let's bring it in, team.
[grunts]
I understand that you may be upset.
Well, okay, justifiably angry.
All we need is to calmly talk it out
over hot cocoa.
[groans]
I think it's gonna take a lot more
than cocoa to fix this one.
Ah, fish.
[theme music playing]