Vladimir (2026) s01e05 Episode Script

What does this mean?
- I don't understand what you're doing.
- The emoji. When you smile and do this.
What's the context?
- Um… never mind.
- Come on, Mom. Just tell me.
It's something that felt rather sincere.
- Who sent it to you?
- It's an undercut.
It undercuts
the meaning of the message, right?
Could be.
Or it could simultaneously
reinforce the message.
- Or… it's a dare.
- How?
If you're texting with someone, right?
Say they, like, open a door to something,
but then they're scared,
so they undercut it with the emoji
to make it safe.
Like, "I love you. LOL."
Like, now they haven't really said it.
And as a result,
they've put it in your court.
My court.
Then it's on you to find out
if they meant what they said.
People are… fearful.
Mm-hmm.
Oh!
Why are you being so nice to me?
Are you going running?
Obviously.
Oh.
Oh shit.
That motherfucker.
Record everything for your own sake.
Oh, hi. Flo told me you were meeting.
- Were you looking for me?
- No, actually. I was looking for…
to schedule our subcommittee
since we had to cancel last night.
Oh, sorry.
- I had a therapist's appointment.
- Oh.
Yeah, apparently, I don't know how
to read the shared calendar.
- Um, let's talk.
- Us?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- We can keep checking in, okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Thanks, David.
Do you wanna just
bang out the dates now or…
Um…
- Later. When can I find you?
- I have a lot of emails.
- All right, David.
- Excuse me.
Okay.
I just need to get him alone,
and then I'll know.
Is the door, as they say, open?
- Yeah, close it.
- You need to talk?
Mm-hmm.
You gotta return the file.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- You were in my office.
There's a file missing from a box
that I am supposed to hand in
to the Title IX coordinator
for the hearing.
It pertains to Lila Green.
It's very disorganized in here.
- By tomorrow. End of day. Please.
- I'm sorry you misplaced something.
This is not gonna go away, okay?
And don't put me in this position.
You missed a button.
I know.
Edwina, hi.
I turned in your letter.
Are you kidding me?
Ma'am, the deadline is the deadline.
I have a chronic illness.
I'm sorry, but this is not gonna be
part of the candidate's package.
You're gonna jeopardize the future of
a student just because it's one day late?
We did not jeopardize
the future of the student, ma'am.
- Feel better.
- Well, I can't feel better.
Do you not know the definition of chronic?
See, I know you can pull it off.
I just don't think
I can pull off double-breasted.
You can do it. You have great shoulders.
It's not the front that I'm worried about.
Oh, hi!
Hi.
I wanted to see if I could help coordinate
with Florence about our subcommittee.
Yes, sorry.
Anytime before five that I'm not teaching.
I'll make myself available.
Available.
Great, I'll make a snack.
- Ooh, she makes great snacks.
- Well, I love a snack.
Gluten-free.
You remember everything.
Okay, well, I will leave you two to…
Bond.
- Wednesday at 3:15.
- I'm teaching.
- Thursday at 10:30.
- I'm teaching.
- Thursday afternoon?
- I teach then too. Friday morning?
It's okay if you can't come
to the first session. We can take notes.
- Let's find a time that works.
- It's not a big thing.
- I'm trying to come.
- I want you to come.
- Let's circle back.
- Oh, absolutely.
The only way you can finish a book
is to delude yourself into thinking
that it and you are utterly brilliant.
Though this is quite good.
I can't see it.
I got most of it out. It's a remnant.
- How'd you get this?
- From God.
Where were you last night?
A friend.
You know, those cocksucking deer
destroyed my whole garden.
I'm sorry that happened.
Marriage.
I… I gotta use a needle.
No! No, no. It'll work itself out.
What are you guys doing?
Oh, hi, honey. What are you doing?
Uh, Alexis sent me some research
on Dad's accuser.
- Are you talking to Alexis?
- Uh-huh.
Did you know Lila Green has a Substack?
It's pretty… People have problems.
Yes, yes, they do, honey. Um…
I have something to tell you.
You burned her file?
- I can't go back in time, so what do I do?
- Are you insane?
Sid, I need forward movement, please.
What is this?
Well, now that you've done that,
you have to go talk to her.
- There's no other option.
- What the hell is that?
- I have one more possibility.
- What is your possibility?
No butter? This fridge looks like
it belongs in a horror movie.
You're welcome to go to the grocery store.
I hear they let everybody shop there.
And, honey,
if for any reason it doesn't pan out,
we'll talk to her tomorrow.
Do you promise? I feel like
you're on another planet these days.
- Will you come with me?
- Yes, I promise.
- Which one are you going to?
- Don't know.
- The one on 19th?
- I don't know. Why?
I have an errand.
Hey.
Dawn. I didn't realize it was you.
John, remember?
So, uh, adjuncting just isn't cutting it,
or what?
Well, this is how I get my benefits. It's…
I like it. I get 10% off groceries.
But do I, is the question.
Ooh. Sorry.
- Tess!
- Oh, yes.
This is my favorite novel.
I was listening to a podcast
the other day.
Did you know that Thomas Hardy
wrote Tess of the d'Urbervilles
because, apparently, he got an erection
while watching a woman being hanged
at a public execution?
Oh wow.
Some say he wrote the entire book
as an apology.
That's awful.
Can't be sure if the erection happened,
but I love to think it happened.
Human psyche. Fuckin' wild, right?
- Yeah.
- Well, we gotta get you a second class.
Yeah.
Bye!
- How's this feeling?
- John, please.
What?
Did you see that?
- Get in the car.
- Hey.
- You forgot your phone.
- Oh. Thanks, Dawn.
Hi, Dawn.
Excuse me. I'm… I'm working.
Ooh, have I mentioned
that I… I haven't taken advantage
of the agreement between John and myself
for many, many years?
Well, I have not.
Not since…
David.
I brought you this.
Why?
Can we have one honest conversation
before we die?
- I strive to have many.
- Good. Well…
I loved you, and you broke my heart.
This is true.
Oh God. What?
No.
Okay. Okay.
I was ready
to leave my husband for you, David.
I waited at that fucking train station
for you.
I waited for three hours,
and you never showed up.
I couldn't do that to my daughter.
Bullshit. You were just scared
of getting into it with your wife.
I didn't handle it the best.
Then I tried to have fucking coffee
or herbal tea with you,
and you avoided me for a decade.
Uh-uh.
- Okay.
- I'm a grown-up.
I know closure is just a myth
believed in by people under 30,
but I gave you a lot of slack.
What do you want?
I don't have the file anymore.
This is a terrible conversation.
I hate this conversation.
Please can you cover for me, David?
I…
We fucked for three years.
I mean, I thought we were in love.
We were.
You know, I was rereading our old emails.
Again?
I thought you deleted them.
Do you still have that cabin?
I rent it out, mostly in the summer,
before it gets too cold.
I'm trying to pay off Sid's loans.
What are you asking?
Nothing.
I just remember you.
In that doorway.
That is an image, as I get older,
that I am glad I have.
And the file?
I can't help you with that.
Okay.
Thank you so much for coming.
Sure.
So, um, my mom wanted to talk to you.
- This is my daughter.
- I know.
Mom, go ahead.
Hi, Lila.
Well…
- I wanted to apologize.
- For what?
I am very sorry that you felt
you had to drop out of school
based on what you believed
were my actions.
Really?
- Mom.
- What?
That's not an apology.
Well, it's as much as I can muster.
You retaliated.
No, I didn't.
Lila, Lila, I'm worried
you're going into this blind.
This hearing is not going to be
an easy experience.
Do you really want
to put yourself through that?
This is what you invited me here for?
I'm concerned
that you haven't thought this through.
I'm concerned
that you have yogurt on your shirt.
- And your mother is a vindictive cunt.
- I'm sorry, what?
No, no, she can say that.
It's okay. You can say that.
"She liked to hold his penis in her hand,
stroking the folds of his crinkled scrotum
until he grew hard
and impossible to ignore."
- Sid!
- What?
Is this your little Internet porn journal?
What… what… are you doing?
And even if you take it down,
I've printed out copies of all
the pervy little entries you've written.
That's fiction.
Please. "She longed
to have his cock inside her."
- Put your phone away.
- "Or any cock. It didn't matter."
I'm gonna read every line of this
out loud at the hearing.
No, we're not.
No, Sidney, we do not prosecute someone
on the fiction they write.
Mom, stop living in fantasyland.
This woman wants to bring you down.
You think your parents don't have
to face the consequences of their abuse?
Abuse?
I will not let you ruin their lives
over something stupid
you initiated over ten years ago.
- I'm leaving.
- No, Lila.
You wanna know who's a vindictive cunt?
You want to?
- Who?
- Me. Me. I'm a cunt! I'm a cunt!
- Go fuck yourself!
- Why did you do that?
Why didn't you apologize?
Sidney.
What?
You're not a cunt.
Oh no! I forgot the coffees.
I can go get them.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Please.
- You sure?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
These are
peanut butter, flaxseed,
oatmeal date balls.
Gluten-free, no added sugar.
Yum.
Is that nice?
Vlad, I… I… I want to talk to you
about something.
- And she made it.
- I thought you were teaching.
Gave 'em a group project. Ooh, balls! Mm.
Mm!
"We strive to dismantle hierarchy
so that students may be free
to interrogate power dynamics."
I don't know about dismantle hierarchy.
Pedagogy is hierarchy.
But you could aim
to be in a listening position.
Well, I aim to be an engaged teacher
and an expert in my subject.
How does that help the students?
Because they will learn something
that will make them
bigger and better human beings.
I mean, if you succumb to this idea, Flo,
the fucking knowledge…
No need to curse.
…fucking knowledge, learning, culture,
and higher education as we know it
is useless.
Then you succumb to the idea
that all we're supposed to be
are transactional worker bees
whose only purpose on this earth is
to amass wealth or to chill out.
- I mean, it's so facile.
- In--
So fucking facile. Sorry.
In my opinion,
college is more environment.
It's what you're exposed to.
No, I… I… I think it's more than that
because we are… are their guides.
We are responsible for their souls.
Really?! Sorry.
You should tell that to your husband.
Jesus Christ, Florence.
You can be such a bitch.
- Oh, that's inappropriate.
- I know.
No, you're both being very inappropriate.
I give everything to my students.
Well, I don't know,
maybe you need to work on your boundaries.
The passion between the sisters,
that's great,
but I think you just need to expand on it.
On top of that…
I was thinking that…
maybe another paragraph.
May I speak to you?
Hey, we're just in the middle
of something right now.
Well, I wanted to…
Oh, I feel so intensely awful.
It looks like my letter bounced back.
I mean, do you know if it went through?
I'm… I'm so sorry.
I feel like I've jeopardized your future.
It's fine.
Well, it… it is not fine.
It's… it's… it's awful.
I will do whatever I can
to make it up to you.
No, it's fine.
Um, Professor Tong turned it in.
Oh, I'm… I'm not a professor.
Oh, when?
The night it was due. It was 11.
I saw that it wasn't turned in yet,
so I texted Cynthia.
What, you… you… you wrote it that night?
I sent her a draft.
Sorry, we're just supposed to be meeting
about her essay right now.
Oh God, thank you, really.
I'm so relieved. I…
Oh God, I thought
I messed you up, Edwina. I…
You're fine.
I mean, you know how much stress
I've been going through recently, so…
- Um…
- You're a student.
You don't need
to take on any of our stress, okay?
We're in the middle
of working on something.
I'm… I'm sorry I let you down.
I've never before in my life
missed a deadline
for a recommendation letter.
Lily, Selden, The House of Mirth.
They love each other,
but they can't be together
because society.
Let's read.
"'The only way I can help you
is by loving you,'
Selden said in a low voice."
"She made no reply,
but her face turned to him
with the soft motion of a flower."
"His own met it slowly,
and their lips touched."
"She drew back and rose from her seat."
"Selden rose too,
and they stood facing each other."
"Suddenly, she caught his hand
and pressed it against her cheek."
"'Ah, love me, love me,
but don't tell me so.'"
What is Wharton doing in this scene?
He's gay.
No.
They wanna love each other,
but they can't.
Yes, I said that,
but what is Wharton doing in this scene?
What kind of scene is this?
Hint. This novel was written
at the turn of the 20th century.
You could be arrested
for writing pornography.
So what kind of scene is this?
Sorry, is it, like, a sex scene?
Yes, it is. Thank you, Rose.
Yeah, Wharton is giving us
something steamy here, folks.
So what are the erotics of this passage?
- They kiss.
- Don't give me the plot.
Look into the words, the syntax.
His voice is low.
- What could that mean?
- He's soft-spoken.
He's an introvert.
Mm-hmm.
He's aroused.
Right. Right.
"Her face turned to him
with the soft motion of a flower."
Okay, soft motion.
Like gentle rocking.
"Of a flower."
She's…
she's opening.
She's opening like what?
Flowers.
And what does a flower resemble?
The female anatomy.
"Selden rose…"
What identifiable feature
of a man might rise?
I'm not saying this to be dirty.
I am saying that,
in a repressed world like this,
every single word
carries more meaning than you think.
This is as close to consummation
as we're ever gonna get.
Ooh! Love Edith Wharton.
But that's not actually what happens.
What do you mean, Aaron?
You just made all that up.
You don't have to read it in that way.
Well, yes. Of course I made it up,
but do you understand what I mean
when I say that we all, Aaron, even you,
have a body?
I don't understand that at all.
- That was fun.
- Oh!
- What made you… come?
- Ah…
I was feeling bad about the other day,
and, you know,
I know you're going through a lot.
Huh, well, I like to think so.
- John's hearing is coming up, right?
- Mm-hmm.
What's your take?
I don't do takes.
Just wanted to see how you were.
Actually, Vlad,
I wanted to ask you something.
Hit me.
- Well, not that hard.
- Oh.
- Uh, you know what?
- Just joking.
Never mind.
You know you can be very hard to read.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
I'm, uh… I'm almost done with your book.
Really?
Yeah, I wanted to see if, I don't know,
maybe you wanted to schedule
the reciprocal lunch.
Oh, sure. Sure! Sure. Um…
This weekend?
Um… weekends… weekends are tough.
Oh, oh, okay, um…
Uh, brr… Next week?
How about Monday after next? Study day.
Monday, uh, study day.
Um… Hmm.
Ah, study day.
That's, um…
- Or after Thanksgiving?
- No. No, no, no, no.
No. See you then.
Cool.
- I'm this way.
- I'm this way.
- I'll see you later.
- Okay.
If he looks back, he loves me.
Uh, come in.
Do you have a second?
Come in.
We have a problem.
Mm. Come in.
Um…
Hey.
What is it?
Guys?
This afternoon,
the tenured faculty took a vote.
There's no easy way to say this.
Flo, just utter the words.
We're asking you
to step down from teaching.
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh…
- Why?
- Sick
Oh, oh
- Sick
- We're all so tired and sick
Of all the stupid pricks
We're all so tired and sick
Of all the stupid pricks
We're all so tired and sick
Of all the stupid pricks
We're all so tired and sick
Of all the stupid pricks
'Cause life is such a mess
And this place makes me super stressed
'Cause life is such a mess
And this place makes me super stressed
'Cause life is such a mess
And this place makes me super stressed
I don't wanna deal
With these people no more
I don't wanna deal
With these people no more
I'm biting my nails
I'm biting my nails more than before
I'm biting my nails
I'm biting my nails more than before
'Cause life is such a mess
'Cause life is such a mess
'Cause life is such a mess
And this place makes me super stressed
I don't wanna deal
With these people no more
I don't wanna deal
With these people no more
- Oh
- Uh-uh-uh-uh