D-Frag! (2014) s01e06 Episode Script

[school bell chimes]
[KAZAMA] Mr. Sean's
class is over;
guess that's my day.
Maybe I'll skip the rest.
[ROKA screams]
[ROKA]
You have to save me!
[KAZAMA] Ow, that was
my ribcage! What did you do?
[ROKA] He's coming!
My nemesis!
Wait, what?
Wait, what?
[KAZAMA] Someone
out there scares her?
Look, it's paramount
that I conceal myself.
You stand watch
and keep me updated!
[KAZAMA] Hey, hey, hey!
Uh-uh! Hold up!
Why you gotta drag me into this?
[ROKA] An excellent question!
Allow me to explain.
My nemesis is
fiendishly crafty.
However far I run,
he closes the distance!
[WOMAN] I'm sprinting
at full speed,
and he keeps up by walking.
[ROKA] It's like
a B-horror movie!
[KAZAMA] Doesn't really
answer my question.
[ROKA]
Good luck!
[KAZAMA]
She disappeared!
[KAZAMA] Damn it.
Fine, let's see this guy.
Hey, it's good to
have you back, Siou!
Thanks! Good to be back.
[GIRL B]
Look who it is!
Hi.
[GIRL B giggles]
[KAZAMA] Nah. It couldn't
be him, could it?
Do I detect my Roka's aura?
[KAZAMA]
Ugh. It is him!
[SIOU] You can run,
but you can't hide.
Whoa! Personal space, dude!
I know you're there.
Chill out!
[KAZAMA]
Where did she go?
[sound of
footsteps running]
[KAZAMA]
Seriously?
How'd you do that?
[SIOU chuckles]
Stand clear, friend.
It's my duty to pursue her.
[KAZAMA]
Mm Oh, that's cool.
[ROKA]
You're terrible at this!
[KAZAMA]
And she's back.
Would you get off me, please?!
[ROKA] When the person
you're protecting
makes a run for it,
follow their lead!
[KAZAMA] I never
agreed to protect you!
I'm blown off again.
[KAZAMA] And he was
ready to catch her!
Fly to my arms, darling!
[KAZAMA] He turned around.
Go, fly, fly!
Yes, I'm aware,
but even I long to be
a free spirit every
now and again.
What the hell are you
even talking about?
[SIOU laughs]
Not a screed of that
devil-may-care attitude
has left you, I see!
And while some
find it off-putting,
I for one am captivated!
What? What's happening?
[SIOU laughs]
[SIOU] Ah The more you
resist me, the more you entice!
[KAZAMA] Okay, I'm still
waiting for an explanation.
[FUNABORI] Well, for starters,
his name is Siou. I'm sorry!
Uh, where?
[FUNABORI] Uh
My classroom's nearby,
so I came to see what all
the commotion was about.
Oh, no. I meant, like, where
do you know this weirdo from?
[FUNABORI]
Weirdo?
Well, actually, Hachi Siou is
pretty famous around here.
Everyone knows him. His mom
and dad run the Siou Group,
a conglomerate that owns
a bunch of big-name brands.
The ladies are all about him,
and why wouldn't they be?
He's got looks, charm,
a family fortune.
[KAZAMA] Yeah, I get it.
My sources say he
took off from school
for a while to shadow his dad.
He's gonna run
the company one day.
But, for the moment,
it looks like he's back.
[KAZAMA]
Fantastic.
Oh, and he's totally lovesick!
How lucky is Roka?
[KAZAMA] That's just
what I was thinkin'.
So, is this the type of guy
that does it for you, or what?
[FUNABORI]
Huh?
He's a little too
sophisticated for me.
Uh, not that he's a snob or
anything. He's been a member
of the Game Creation Club
since before he left.
You're just now
getting to that?
Me and this guy are
in the same club?
[FUNABORI]
When did you join?
Ah! Another
gaming enthusiast
graces us with his presence?
Hey, Hachi Siou, Class 2-C.
Pleasure to meet you.
[KAZAMA] Oh, hey.
Kenji Kazama.
And how long have you
enjoyed the great good fortune
of our dear Roka's acquaintance?
[KAZAMA] Uh, I dunno.
Two months, maybe? Yeah?
Isn't that fascinating?
I've known her since First Year.
Where does the
time go, am I right?
[KAZAMA]
Aw, jeez.
Now that I take a
moment to reflect,
I realize how deep
our friendship runs.
[KAZAMA] Could you
please let go of my hand?
Roka was one of the
first people I met here.
Huh? Are we about to
transition into a flashback?
[SIOU] I remember it
like it was yesterday.
There I was, strolling
through the courtyard.
[SIOU hums]
[SIOU] I am strolling
through the courtyard!
Laden with gifts from the lovely
womenfolk of this fine school.
[ROKA]
Aha! Finito!
You and I are going
to get along famously.
[SIOU]
Be still my heart!
Ah! A reticule for gym
articles and whatnot.
How industrious of you,
if I may be so bold, miss.
Uh The gym is the last
thing this is meant for.
As a matter of fact, I never
intend to use it at all.
Never use it? But you
made it from scratch.
Let me honor your handiwork
by using it myself.
Are you asking for it?
[SIOU] 'Tis but a bauble
to you. But to me, dear lady,
it will bear the distinction
of an attaché case!
Are you not swept off your feet
at the prospect of
gifting it to me?
Come now! Girls love
giving me gifts!
[SIOU makes muffled cries]
Thus did the bird of love
pierce my heart with his beak!
[KAZAMA] Great. That's all
we need. Another one of them.
Her gift has been with me
through rain and shine.
Indeed, I've kept it
close by ever since!
[KAZAMA] You can't even
tell what it is anymore!
In conclusion to
this tale of the hunt
I shall not be deflected!
[ROKA] We'll see
about that.
I assure you,
I am intractable!
So, knowing I've also bagged
Kazama wouldn't deter you?
Why do you turn this
school into a den of lies?
Is she telling the truth?
[KAZAMA]
Yeah.
Well, my dear, this is,
I confess, a trifle dismaying.
But if I'm to be embroiled in a
love triangle, let it be grand!
[KAZAMA]
Do what now?
That is so romantic!
[KAZAMA] Uh, no.
No, it is not.
So romantic!
[KAZAMA]
Stop it!
Ah! This, fellow troubadours, is
the substance of true romance!
You stop touching me!
[SIOU] Raise your
voices to the firmament!
Love triangle, love triangle,
love triangle, love triangle!
La, la, la, la, la!
Tra la! Tra loo!
Love triangle!
Love triangle! Love triangle!
I am not in a love triangle!
[ROKA whimpers]
[SIOU]
My darling!
Worry not!
I'll save you!
[SIOU groans]
[ROKA grunts]
[FUNABORI & KAZAMA]
Uhhh
Uh I might've pushed
a little too hard there.
I figured those catlike reflexes
o' yours woulda kicked in.
Sorry.
My bad.
[ROKA] Well, Kazama,
aren't you the lucky one?
For today shall be
your second bagging.
[KAZAMA]
U-Uh
[KAZAMA screams]
[FUNABORI trembles]
[SIOU]
Isn't she a fire cracker?
From one love-stricken
rube to another,
give me the bag! I beg you!
[KAZAMA]
What?
Better yet, we
can wear it together!
[KAZAMA] Stay away
from me, man! I mean it!
Whatever you're about
to do, don't! No! Stop!
--[STUDENTS] Fight on!
--[TEACHER] Fight on!
[SIOU grunts]
Come on! Yeah!
[KAZAMA]
Uhh
[SAKURA] That's the way!
Woo-hoo! Put your backs into it!
So what exactly do
you call this one?
[CHITOSE]
Push It Super Strong?
[KAZAMA] You do realize that
spells the acronym PISS?
[KAZAMA]
He's gonna win!
Trying to catch
a few winks here, kids.
I'm dreadfully
sorry, mi--!
[KAZAMA]
That was a cheap shot!
[SAKURA] Eighty-two to
nothing, Roka's favor!
[KAZAMA] How long've
they been doing this?
[KAZAMA] And that's
my cue to leave.
[SIOU]
Ah, Kazama!
Good of you to come, sir.
Please take a seat!
[KAZAMA] You want me
to sit facing you?
I was sittin' there
a minute ago,
so it oughta be
nice and toasty.
[KAZAMA]
Shut up!
What, you're not sitting?
Since joining the club,
my traditional seat
has been this wall.
Okay. Whatever floats
your boat, man.
Not to labor the point,
but earlier was such a gas!
If you say so.
Wait, are you telling me the two
of you already know each other?
Oh, yes! Chance happily
saw our fraternizing
under the auspices of
Roka's Hood of Darkness.
[KAZAMA] Stop making
it sound like we
made out with each other!
[CHITOSE]
How bro-mantic.
[KAZAMA]
Stay out of this!
C'mon, we know
you better than that.
You probably spent
the whole time
kicking and
screaming like a girl.
Not really, but I'd
rather you picture that
than the alternative.
No hall fighting,
understood?
[KAZAMA]
Thank you!
So Summarily snubbed
and cloaked in darkness,
the two of you
still fought over me?
[KAZAMA]
It wasn't over you!
I was fighting for
my masculinity!
Don't you tire
of the charade?
The only thing anybody's
tired of is your B.S.!
[SIOU] But you're holding
your own so well!
You have no clue.
[SIOU] In consequence of which,
permit me a modest proposal.
[KAZAMA]
What'd you just say?
[SIOU] I challenge thee to a
chivalric gaming tête-à-tête!
[KAZAMA]
Uh
You mean two men are
going to fight each other
for the honor of my attention?
[SIOU] Yes! And the
victor claims your bag!
[ROKA]
Wait, the bag?
[SIOU] The gauntlet is thrown,
Kazama! What say you?
Well, can't say I give a damn
about the bag either way.
But I'm game for
kickin' your ass!
[SAKURA]
He sure is competitive.
[KAZAMA] Hold up.
We may have a problem.
Where is that stupid bag?
Hope I'm not
interrupting anything.
[KAZAMA]
Funabori?
Earlier when you and Siou were
bonding in the hall or whatever.
You left your S&M
hood thingie there,
so I grabbed it
before anyone saw.
Looked a little on
the grubby side.
So I took it to the free
laundry mat over by the gym.
[KAZAMA]
What a thoughtful gal.
Excellent, good wench. I see
that wind of our imminent duel
has already
made the rounds!
[KAZAMA]
How?
Such is the reputation
of my foe. All the same
No twinge of ingratitude
intended, you understand.
I much preferred the bag
in its sullied condition.
What for?
I'm sorry, if I'd have known,
I wouldn't have washed it!
No, it's okay; you've got
nothing to apologize for!
[SIOU] Indeed! Either way,
we now have our trophy!
Right!
Yeah. Something tells
me this is gonna be good.
[ROKA] One moment,
if you please.
I'd like to
point out the fact
of my exclusion
from a conversation
concerning the fate of
my personal property.
This duel will
now be a three-ul.
[KAZAMA]
You want in?
[MINAMI] I'll nap in
the teacher's lounge.
[KAZAMA]
Wait! Don't leave!
[SAKURA] Is it weird that I
feel like splashing my feet
in the bathroom sink?
[KAZAMA]
Aw, cut me some slack!
Ditch like a normal person!
[KAZAMA] Why are
we on our knees?
Choose what game our
devotion is to be tested by.
But milady, I must
protest your late entry.
This was to be a battle of
skill twixt Kazama and me!
Your involvement
is rather putting
the cart before the
horse, so to speak.
[KAZAMA]
Just let her play.
I don't know
about you guys,
but far as I'm concerned,
we've got a golden opportunity.
How do you mean?
[KAZAMA] Even though she's
the big boss around here,
I still can't bring
myself to hit a girl.
I would much rather face
her in a battle like this,
and I've been itchin'
to prove myself.
So say goodbye
to that bag.
I'm not worried in the least.
Pardon me. I'm beginning to
feel just a little left out.
Got it! Whaddya say we make
this no-man-left-behind?
Open tournament, all challengers
welcome, winner takes all!
Who asked for
your two cents?
[CHITOSE] D'aw.
Is widdle Kazama threatened?
Naw. I understand where
you're coming from. Heh.
[KAZAMA] Hey,
what're you sayin'?
Well, the more people
you're up against,
the better chances
you'll tank.
Who wouldn't be scared?
Pressure's bad enough
when it's just Roka and the
poet you're squarin' with, eh?
Argh! I'll take on
the whole school!
[FUNABORI]
So easily manipulated!
Two rivals or a thousand,
I can assure you
it makes no difference to me.
[FUNABORI]
So confident!
Well, provided they
act as a bulwark
against myself and the
possibility of hurting Roka.
[FUNABORI]
So chivalrous!
[ALL THREE] I'll crush anyone
with the guts to take me on!
Except for my darling.
[FUNABORI]
So much posturing!
Then count me in.
Get ready to burn!
[KAZAMA]
You, too?
[TAKAO]
Uh
[CHITOSE] All right.
Four contestants. This is good.
[TAKAO]
Heh Yeah.
Um, hello everyone and
thank you for joining us.
I'm Tsutsumi Inada.
I'll be your host
this afternoon
along with our distinguished
student body president.
Neck and groin
shots are allowed.
I've run it by the board.
Oh. So it's a
friendly competition.
All right, ladies and
germs, let's hear you
put those hands
together for the 48,
yes, 48 contestants
going toe-to-toe!
[crowd cheers]
Hey, doesn't that number seem
a little bit high to you guys?
Now, let's meet the
contenders one by one!
Texas Roasted Pork Muromi!
We've got some great
deals at the ramen shop.
[INADA] A man who likes his
odds even. Fifty-Fifty Fujisaki!
Here to avenge his pals, from
the Band of 14 Devils, Moro!
You won't remember
No-nickname Akasaka!
My personality's kinda flat.
[INADA] World-class decorator
and animal hoarder--
Wonderuff Meinohana!
Feng shui interior design, boys?
[INADA] The Twenty-four
Nocturnal Baldies
pin their hopes on Ohori.
And there's
"I'm Not Bald" Tenjin.
Look, I shave it this way!
[INADA] Also representing the
TNB are Nishijin and Fukuoka!
Next up, claiming to eat
his weight in junk food
seven times a day,
it's Little Foot Yokoshima
[KAZAMA]
What a bunch of losers.
[INADA]
from the Kazama Gang!
[INADA pants]
Okay! Now, moving
on to the brain trust
behind this bloody affair.
With a single smile, he can
steal your heart, and he's rich.
Hachi Siou from the Game
Creation Club (Provisional)!
Fujou Academy's
underground boss,
Game Creation Club
(Provisional)'s president--
Roka Shibasaki!
You don't know him now,
but he'll ring your bell
one of these days.
Kenji Kazama from
The gang's
named after me!
And last but not least,
she's the pillowy president
of the real
Game Creation Club
Is something wrong,
President Takao?
You want a homemade
gym bag that badly?
Huh! Asks the man clutching
it like a security blanket.
What? I hate this thing.
Then why are
we competing?
[TAKAO whimpers and cries]
Is she
Is she groaning?
[CHITOSE] I'm sure she's just
trying on her game face.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Takao is as fearsome
as they come.
Then why's she
all buckled over?
[CHITOSE] Call it a
wardrobe malfunction.
[INADA gasps]
Oh, no! This is bad.
She can't get the zipper
up on her tracksuit!
Damn her voluminous curves!
Yes, damn them to hell!
[TAKAO] That's as far up
as this thing's gonna go.
Ugh. I would buy a new one,
but what's the point?
[CHITOSE & INADA growl]
Stop tryin' to show off!
Aargh! Exhibitionist hag!
[KAZAMA] Girls do the
whole friend thing weird.
[INADA]
I bet they're not even real!
[CHITOSE] I hate you and
your two reasons for living!
Don't, it'll break!
[INADA & CHITOSE gasp]
[TAKAO groans]
[ALL gasp]
[INADA]
And they're in!
I knew she'd wall in those
Titans one way or another!
Two seconds ago
I'd've put good money
on that zipper tab endin'
up in someone's eye.
That was some impressive
damage control.
I think we've all learned
an important lesson.
Well, that about wraps it up
everybody; let's call it day.
[KAZAMA]
Like hell!
What? What else
are you expecting?
You're gonna cut your
circulation off like that.
It's not good for you, y'know.
Open it back up.
I will not!
[KAZAMA] I'm just tryin'
to look out for you, okay?
You're looking
out for oh, no!
[KAZAMA]
Huh?
Uh, okey-dokie, now that
the crowd's warmed up,
let's get this show on the road.
According to my sources
in the office, we've only
got the field 'til three.
[KAZAMA]
Then stay on topic!
Oh, that's right,
we've still gotta talk
about the grand prize.
Don't you know it's
the announcer's job
to keep the ball rolling?
Somebody call pest control.
We've got a
mosquito in the ring.
[KAZAMA]
'Scuse me?!
And the winner of this
tournament takes home
the grandest prize of all!
The Hood of Darkness!
[silence punctuated
by whistling wind]
Is that seriously
all we've got?
[KAZAMA]
You're the host!
[GUY A]
Okay, then
[GUY B] The hell is
that supposed to be?
[KAZAMA] They don't even know
what they're fighting for?
Don't judge a book
by its cover.
There's more to this than
meets the eye, fellas.
This bag was
freshly laundered
by none other than
Funabori herself!
[GUY STUDENTS cheer]
Now they're on
the bandwagon. Sheesh.
[NAKASU] Heh.
Last-minute entry, losers.
[KAWABATA]
Must have!
[INADA] Aha! Looks like we've
got two new contestants!
[KAZAMA]
Really?
[INADA] Nakasu and Kawabata
from the 24 Nocturnal Baldies!
[KAZAMA] Is the
whole group in this?
Can we please
do this already?
They're gonna kick us off
before we've started!
[INADA] Looks like
somebody's impatient.
When you entered, you were
each asked to write a game
on a slip of paper
and place it in this box.
The first randomly selected
strip will be how we separate
the meek from the mighty!
Our opening contest is Aha!
For some reason, I'm holding
a slip that says "piss."
Uh I don't get it,
like a pissing contest?
Not quite sure how
I feel about this,
but I suppose rules are rules.
The boys will have to use
a different unit of
measurement than the girls.
[KAZAMA] That's not what
it means! Were you serious?
Oh, uh I believe
it's an acronym
for Push It Super Strong.
The object is to shove
your opponent off a mat.
[KAZAMA] Don't act like
you didn't put it in there!
Makes sense, I guess.
Right then, push your opponent
for all they're worth!
Whichever of you's left standing
moves on to round two!
And begin!
[whistle]
Thanks for giving
us a warning!
[MORO]
Die!
Hey, Moro, you're not
half bad at this.
Yeah? Well, what do
you care, Roasted Pork?
Think you're big enough to
take me down a notch or two?
I'm gonna be the one to bring
down the ultimate darkness!
You shouldn't be
any trouble at all!
[MUROMI] Oh! Are you
sure you wanna be
talkin' to me like that?
'Cause I could always
stop servin' you
delicious meats when you
come to my restaurant.
[MORO]
You Wait, what?
[MUROMI laughs]
[MUROMI]
Well, what's it gonna be?
[MORO] Damn.
Sorry, you guys!
[INADA] In an
unprecedented move,
Moro has leapt
willingly from the ring!
Ah. Easy as pie.
No spicy mayonnaise for you!
What the hell are you
even talkin' about, dude?
Condiments!
Man, ain't nobody got
time to deal with you
and your crazy right now.
She's out there!
And she's got a new move!
[MUROMI] No, please,
make it stop!
[INADA] And Shibasaki kills
two birds with one stone!
[FUJISAKI laughs]
[FUJISAKI] Well, well!
Lookie who's all mine!
It's cool, mama, nothin'
personal, but I gots to go
the way the compass points!
And it says I should push!
[INADA] Callin' the shots with
a child's novelty compass,
Fujisaki overcomes
his indecisiveness
to close in for the kill!
Yeah, a nice, soft
cushion-push from the front.
Apparently, that
pervert's only here
on the off chance of tickling
Takao's titanic ta-tas!
[FUJISAKI moans]
[TAKAO screams]
[FUJISAKI]
Augh!
Jackass. If you're not
gonna play the game,
then get off the platform.
[KAZAMA] Wh-Why
would you do that?
I was defending your honor!
[TAKAO] I I just
I don't know!
The idea of you going
home with that bag
makes me sick to
my stomach, okay?
Wha--? Why does
that even matter?
[TAKAO]
Be Because I
[CHITOSE & INADA]
Ahhh!
[GUY STUDENTS cheer]
[INADA] And the
zipper is broken!
Boobzilla, ladies
and gentlemen! Give it up!
[CHITOSE]
You hussy! Tramp!
[INADA] Yeah! Ya two-bit
floozy! Nobody likes you!
[TAKAO] Hey.
Are you all right?
[INADA]
They're huge.
I hate to admit it, but we
have to face the facts.
That girl's eons ahead of us
in the curve department.
[CHITOSE & INADA]
Mm.
[TAKAO] C'mon!
Snap out of it!
[INADA] Time's up!
Everyone still standing
moves on to the second
round! Good for you!
[TAKAO] Wait, I
I made the cut?
[ATARU] Da-da-da! Legend of
the Heroic Masochist, Ataru!
Bring your A-game, Kenji!
You an' me. Mano y mano!
[YOKOSHIMA]
Guys, check it out!
Not to sound cheezy, but
we're in this together, yeah?
Uh, okay, sure.
[ALL THREE]
Besties!
[ATARU] See you guys
in the final round!
[INADA]
And begin!
[GUY A]
Help me!
[GUY B]
She's gonna eat us!
[crowd screams]
[ATARU]
Yokoshima! Nagayama!
[ATARU growls]
[YOKOSHIMA] You got this, man!
Don't be intimidated!
The bigger they are, the harder
they fall! Stay strong!
How'm I gonna see you
jackasses in the final round
if you cave this early
in the tournament?
Ataru!
Besties, right? I'm gonna
mow down the competition
and win this one for my homies!
Besides, I'm kinda curious
to see what it's like
to be trampled!
Ya gotta respect a man with the
courage to follow his dream.
[ALL THREE scream]
[ATARU] Yep! That one's
gonna leave a mark!