Don't Forget the Driver (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

1
- Cameron? Cam? Can you see me?
- No.
On the webcam, webcam.
Dad, wave to me.
I'm waving.
There's a delay.
- What?
- A delay.
Ah, there's a delay?
How are you going?
Can't sleep.
Bloody jet lag, shocker.
I'm sorry it's all so tits up.
- What?
- Tits up!
Where?
I've got to sort some stuff out,
they need me here.
Your uncle Pete's an idiot.
Mum says you're not coming back.
You mustn't listen to
everything she says, mate.
When, then?
I can't say.
Watch this.
Watch what? You're just stood there.
Ahhh!
That's a funny sounding chicken, Dad.
Oh, yeah.
Kay?
Kay?
What?
Squeaky's disappeared.
Good.
So, I've got to do the school run.
Thought you were allergic.
Fran's going to give me a lift in.
Ooh.
You two should just get a room.
Yeah, yeah.
What you up to?
It's the funeral today.
I'm going to go watch Brad.
Do you think you'll see Rita, too?
Maybe.
See if she's heard
from her brother yet,
take her to the arcade.
And if Lech has to stay here,
can you please tell him
to put some clothes on?
So, what happened to the
body on the beach, Dad?
Ah, well, they're everywhere, mate,
washing up all over the place.
Whole country's gone to the dogs.
- Wave again.
- Huh?
I miss you, boy.
I miss you.
Listen, Cam, I'm going to sort
the internet out at your nan's
and then we can Skype.
Stop all this shit.
I love you, Dad.
Watch this.
Cam?
Cam?
Oh.
Morning, Rita.
Morning.
Good luck with your
funeral today, Bradley.
Thanks, sweetheart.
Oh, that was good.
- Tea, good?
- Good.
Lovely day.
Sun.
Thanks for this, Fran.
Oh, here, you're in
a good mood, aren't you?
Oh, he's always in a good mood.
- That's me.
- Pete?
Yeah?
Nothing.
Stop laughing.
Peter, come.
Come, I show you.
Try.
Mr Green.
Try.
Oh, Peter, see this?
Hammer, hammer! Hammer.
Try.
Ah?
Oh, I don't know what to say.
- I owe you one.
- Yes, one.
Careful.
Oh, Fran, why couldn't
you just ask him?
Oh!
I suppose the war's over.
No war.
Your donkey's vibrating.
Just a minute.
Hello, hello, hello
Please, stop that.
Please, settle down!
I can see you.
Please, sit down in your seats
and fasten your seat belts.
Back in your seat, now! That's
not your trumpet, is it?
Please, it's not my law,
it's the law of the land.
Sit down, thank you. Please.
Pete, turn around!
Pete, turn! Turn!
Bognor, um, Bognor
..Bognor Regis.
What's up?
Where are you off to?
Crawley.
That'll do.
What about work?
What about it?
Grow up, everyone, grow up.
At least I can make you
beautiful, can't I, darling?
Off, off, off.
If any of you have taken
the emergency window hammers
from the wall fittings, then, um
..well, you know who you are.
I'm so sorry, driver.
- Come on.
- I'm so sorry, driver.
Come on, Parish, off you come.
- Oh, Parish?
- Pete?
Did you see Rita this morning?
She's sorting out your mum's garden.
Oh, right.
She seems pretty cool.
Good luck.
Cheers, Pete!
What's that all about?
Pete?
Who's Rita?
Excuse me?
My brother come soon, I go.
Kayla, please.
Kayla?
Eritrea, you say?
What's wrong with Eritrea?
They force them to join the army there.
Can't leave.
Blimey.
What are you going to do?
She's going to stay with my mum.
Is that what she wants?
Makes sense.
Going to get some advice.
Big commitment, Pete.
- Yeah.
- Not like you.
Barry thinks they're taking the piss.
Says they all are.
What do you think?
It's what's happening.
Well, we all need looking after.
Suppose.
I could do with a bit of looking after.
No fireworks, just a a
cuddle now and again.
Little bit of help.
I've got very low expectations.
Talk straightforward.
Only gets straightforward
when we die, Pete.
Mum?
Mum?
Who's cleaned it all up?
Hello?
Mum?
Mum!
What's going on?
What happened?
The brother came.
I am the brother.
You don't get it, do you, Peter?
Barry.
She fixed it up and the brother came.
Who?
Course he found her when
they come all that way.
She buggered off sharpish.
Where?
North somewhere.
- Shripney?
- North, you great burt! Bolton or somewhere.
Leeds.
So, she's not coming back?
Well, she never wanted to be here
in the first place, did she?
Use your loaf.
No-one's here unless they have to be.
Uh, sit down, please!
Sit down, back in your seat, now!
Can you take that?
It's my brother.
- Hello!
- Pee-Wee!
She's gone.
What? You mean Rita?
Yeah, and Sheila.
A young visitor, fucked off.
About bloody time, right?
Yeah, problem solved, mate.
Brother came, took her away.
Listen, Barry let me
phone you back, Barry,
let me phone you back.
Can't believe you bloody
fell for it, Pee-Wee!
Uh, settle down, please!
Can we do this later, Barry?
She took you for a ride, Pete.
No, you don't understand, Barry,
please, it's nothing like that.
Just a bloody fence jumper.
You don't know what
you're talking about, Barry.
She's probably a criminal,
like the rest of them.
- Give, give, give, give.
- I warned you, Pee-Wee, I told you.
Actually, I tell you what, Barry?
Barry?
- What, mate?
- Why don't you just shut the fuck up?
Language, please, driver.
Pete?
Pete?!
Pee-Wee?
Settle down!
Simmer down back there.
Pete? What are you thinking?
Pete?
Hold on.
We're going to take a detour.
Woo!
Come on, settle down,
back in your seats.
What's going on, driver?
Shut up!
Pete! Come on, Pete, Roger me.
Roger me now, Pete, come on.
All right, everyone.
OK, everyone, follow me.
All of you, come on!
Quick, quick, quick!
And you! Come on, this way. Come on.
That's it.
Come on, bring, bring, get them out.
- Is he all right?
- Yeah, he's just
All right, quick as you can.
Quick as you can. Come on, come on!
Dad, what are you doing?
Have we missed it?
- No, no, but - Right.
- ..why are you here with?
Rita's gone.
What?
- She's gone.
- Where?
No, no, no. She's GONE-gone.
Barry just phoned.
Her brother came for her.
Shit.
They found each other.
Shit.
Come on! Come on.
That's it.
Right
Everyone gather round,
this is important.
- Please.
- Come on.
Can someone tell me
what's going on here?
No? Right, well, these people,
the people they're burying,
were trying to come here
last year and they drowned.
- Kay?
- No-one could find out who they are.
- They don't know
- Rita's gone.
She didn't even say goodbye.
Shit.
Hang on.
Everything OK, Pete?
Yeah, I'm so sorry to gate-crash,
Brad. It's just, uh, well,
no-one was going to, and I
..and I was going to I don't
know what I was going to do.
It's OK, it's all right.
Persimmon, peremptory, palliative,
Piccadilly Circus.
Ohh.
Mm, she very good looking woman.
She's my daughter, Lech.
Mm. Strong.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
I suppose so.
We never really
..two big personalities.
Mm.
Birmingham.
Opportunities.
Peter, this party house now, huh?
Huh?
Leave this to me.
Where have you been?
- Business.
- Oh, yeah?
Got waylaid.
Laid?
- Pete
- I had to do a school trip.
I don't do school trips.
What have you done to your face?
It's all sorted.
I've cleared the tab.
What happened?
Can I borrow your special cushion?
No.
Angels by Robbie Williams
Twat.
I know.
Angels by Robbie Williams
Can't believe she's gone.
Didn't think she'd get it together.
Oh, you should be proud of her.
She couldn't stay forever.
Yeah, you drive each other crazy.
Go and drive her mum crazy for a bit.
Anyway.
Better get on.
You're a free man now.
Suppose I am.
Shall we actually do that pint, then?
Definitely.
All right, well, I'll text you.
Yeah.
Got your visa?
What?
Legoland.
Oh.
Open borders.
Pete!
Pete! Pete!
Wait! Wait!
Wait, Pete! Pete!
I've just been on the phone to Kayla.
She's got as far as the
Guildford Travelodge on the A3.
She wants you to fetch her.
Righto.
Here to stay, are you?