Elle (2026) s01e06 Episode Script

The school budget,
which Anderson single-handedly oversees,
said we spent $129 on mousepads.
No mousepads.
You know how I feel about protecting Liz.
I apologized.
Previously on Elle
[Kimberly] Robin's funeral
will be in Denver,
where most of her family lives,
so I panicked
and offered to throw her a memorial.
Let me help.
Whoever Robin was to you
thank you for being here today
to pay your respects.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I appreciate that.
-I kissed Elle.
-I don't want to look at you!
I don't want to be around you, and you can
tell Elle I am done with her, too!
I don't want to lose Shannon as a friend.
[pensive music playing]
[sighs]
[slow, gentle music playing]
These are for you.
And these are for your daughter,
who's probably never
going to speak to me again.
I am so, so sorry.
To both of you.
You know, while I have you here,
maybe you could put in
a good word to Shannon.
She's gone, too.
Well, she's not dead, obviously.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I'm so sorry I I kissed Miles.
Your daughter had recently
broken up with him.
She broke up with him.
I don't know if you caught that
before you you know.
But I will make this right.
[car engine revving]
-[horn blares]
-Hey!
Some of us are busy
paying our respects here.
[sighs]
Why isn't there a stop sign
at this intersection?
[gasps]
Why isn't there a stop sign
at this intersection?
-[indistinct chatter]
-[distant phone ringing]
[bell dinging]
One will suffice.
Hi. I have this petition for a stop sign.
There's this really dangerous intersection
near our school.
You'll see
I have the requisite 1,000 signatures.
So, you're going to win Shannon back
with a stop sign?
Seems like it would've been easier
to just not kiss her boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend. She means ex-boyfriend.
That detail's not
for public consumption yet.
And this isn't about Shannon and me.
It's for the greater good.
I can't undo the mistake I made,
but this is something I can do.
With your help, of course.
According to our records,
we already approved a stop sign
at the corner of 50th and Evans.
Last June, in fact.
I can assure you, there is
no such stop sign at said intersection.
We approved the stop sign,
but the school elected
to handle contracting themselves.
Sorry, I-I don't understand.
Are you saying someone ordered a stop sign
but never paid for it?
It says right here.
"One stop sign,
requested by and granted
to Rainier West High School board,
point of contact Shane Anderson."
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
[Garbage sings
"I'm Only Happy When It Rains"]
I'm only happy when it's complicated ♪
And though I know you can't ♪
appreciate it ♪
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
Pour your ♪
-misery down ♪
-Pour your misery down ♪
Pour your misery ♪
-down on me ♪
-Pour your misery ♪
-down ♪
-Pour your misery down ♪
Pour ♪
You can keep me company as long as ♪
you don't care ♪
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
You wanna hear about my new obsession? ♪
I'm riding high upon ♪
a deep depression ♪
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
Pour some misery down on me ♪
I'm only happy when it rains ♪
Pour some misery down
[Elle] Are you following?
[Donna] Can you rewind a little bit?
[sighs]
Some video store humor for you there.
But, also, I mean it. Go back a little.
Sure. Principal Anderson either
forgot to purchase the stop sign
he ordered for the school entrance,
or he got the school board to cough up
the money and took it for himself.
Just like he did with the yield sign and
the two "no parking" signs by the track.
[Elle] Anderson requested and received
$15,600 from the school board
for campus signs alone.
[Dustin] And that doesn't even include
mousepads, tater tots,
gym mats and a bunch of other stuff
we found in the school budget
that doesn't exist in real life.
Mm.
Did you pay for that candy?
As if I'm gonna put Blockbuster
out of business. They'll be fine.
This is what got you fired
in the first place.
All right, I know you're all
very excited by this theory,
but I think you should direct
your amateur detective efforts elsewhere.
[electronic entry bell chimes]
What is he doing here?
Hey, uh, Dustin called me, filled me in.
Why would you do that?
We can use the extra brainpower.
Plus, he's Shannon's boyfriend.
-Ex.
-Ex.
[electronic entry bell chimes]
What am I missing?
[whispering] They're on
a friendship sabbatical.
I'm just here to help.
Anyway, you were Principal Anderson's
secretary for two years.
Do you think
he could've stolen all that money?
I don't know. He's such a rule follower.
-[Dustin chuckles]
-[clears throat] Well,
the teachers love him, parents love him.
He was just a finalist
for State Principal of the Year.
The people spoke.
But but he sucks.
Fine, but you can't just order things
and not buy them.
There is a record.
And, plus, I would know.
I've spent hours
filing receipts and invoices.
[Dustin] Did he have receipts
for the stuff we don't have?
Mousepads? Tater tots? Gym mats?
I don't know
'cause I'm staying out of it.
Hypothetically,
where would these receipts be?
In his file cabinet in his office,
which is always locked.
-Can we break in?
-[Dustin] If it opens,
-it can be broken into.
-How?
[gasps] I have a lot of bobby pins
from my French-twist period.
-We steal Frank's master key.
-Got it.
Wait. Frank the maintenance guy?
I thought he was fired.
His schedule got shifted to weekends.
Budget cuts.
[Donna] Yeah, good luck. When I'd ask
Frank for the key to the snack closet,
-he'd say, "From my cold, dead hands."
-[Liz] Right,
-because you have to pay for snacks.
-[moans]
-They're-- Okay.
-[Elle] Okay, so let's say
we somehow get into the school
on Saturday, get the key off Frank.
-What do we do?
-We break into Anderson's office,
make copies of the receipts,
cross-reference them with the budget.
If anything's missing, that's evidence
we can take to the school board.
Easy. Now we just need an excuse
to be in school over the weekend.
Guys?
[adventurous music playing]
[microphone feedback humming]
[Liz] Hello, Rainier West High.
This is Liz Miller coming to you live
from the AV room.
Please rise for the national anthem.
[Bikini Kill sings "Rebel Girl"]
That girl thinks ♪
she's the queen of the neighborhood ♪
-Coming through.
-She's got the hottest trike in town ♪
That girl
Dustin, principal's office, now.
so high ♪
I think I wanna be
This period was not designed
for you to take a nap.
Rebel girl ♪
Rebel girl, you are the queen of
Take that to the principal's office.
Rebel girl, rebel girl ♪
I think I want to take you home,
I want to try on your clothes, uh ♪♪
-[record scratches]
-[song stops abruptly]
For you.
From the League of Women Voters.
Huh.
Thank you.
[softly] Thank you.
[woman over P.A.] head to
the nurse's office.
-[birds chirping]
-[crow caws]
-[paper rustles]
-[Elle] Listen up.
"Operation: Manifest Anderson's Demise
by Breaking into His Office
to Expose His Hypocrisy" starts now.
Subtle.
[Elle] Once the detention monitor
gets here,
we'll initiate Phase One:
key loop sabotage.
I took the liberty
of fleshing out the plan a bit.
[Dustin] What's that smell?
[Liz sniffs]
-Is this lavender scented?
-[Dustin sniffs]
Great nose, Liz.
Lavender is a naturally calming fragrance,
and heists are known to be quite nervy.
Whoa. When did detention get so uncool?
I'm sorry, what are you doing here?
Oh, turns out
nine tardies is six too many, so
[scoffs] Didn't expect to see
Good Girl Barbie serving time.
What'd you do? Turn in an English essay
in the dialect of a Valley girl?
I don't speak Valley.
I only go there for sushi
and designer discounts.
-Oh.
-[Liz] Yeah, Elle's actually
-the biggest badass here.
-[scoffs] Really?
Enlighten me.
Pie to Anderson in the face.
Don't want to talk about it.
Elle Woods pied the principal.
That's shockingly epic.
Thank you.
But it's now 9:23 a.m.
Does detention not start at 9:15?
-Where's our monitor?
-[footsteps approaching]
Oh, here we go.
I heard that.
-You forgot your lunch.
-Oh, I didn't--
I think someone might miss
being at school.
[Martindale] Okay, delinquents,
here's how this is gonna work.
Every one of these books is
gonna be reshelved by 3:00 p.m.,
so get friendly
with our Dewey decimal system.
[feedback hums]
[sighs]
[whispers] Phase One.
[intriguing music playing]
[clearing throat]
[clearing throat loudly]
May I please request the hall pass?
[grunting softly]
[gasps, whispers] Frank.
[gasps]
[groans]
[groans]
♪
[clattering outside room]
Elle should be back by now.
"9:15, cut key loop.
10:15, flood toilets."
What is this
and why does it smell like my grandma?
Not for you.
Okay, you guys are being even more
yourselves than usual.
Did you Trojan horse yourselves
into detention? What's going on?
Okay, why don't you go stack some books.
I should know if I'm about to become
an unwitting accomplice
to some lame secret operation.
Guys, uh, she could actually be useful.
-Oh. Thank you.
-Oh, why?
Do we have a role
for an overly confident mean girl?
Mrs. Martindale, I think my fellow
delinquents are up to something shady.
Okay, you have no idea what you're doing.
As I said moments ago,
I would love to be in the loop.
Fine. We think someone here,
at a very high level,
is embezzling money from the school.
So you all wasted the only sunny Saturday
in the last two months to, what, care?
You're right, super useful.
Okay, I'm sorry. It's not like
it's our own personal money.
The stolen funds
were meant for a stop sign
in the intersection
where Robin had her accident.
Count me in. Who do I bludgeon?
Anderson. [sighs] We need
to break into his office to prove it.
[intriguing music playing]
What the?
Great.
[door opens]
Elle.
Ms. Burke. Hi!
Hi.
Oh. I'm just coming from the bathroom.
You know, taking the scenic route.
Got to keep the blood flowing, right?
Detention's the enemy
of cardiovascular health.
Detention?
Doesn't sound like Elle Woods.
If anyone asks,
I threw a pie in Anderson's face.
[chuckles] Wha [clears throat] What?
I didn't actually,
but all my friends got detention,
so I decided to join them
for moral support.
Oh. Protective and caring.
How very Cancer of you.
Oh, I'm a Gemini.
Oh. Maybe cusp, then.
No. My birthday is June 20th.
Purebred Gemini.
My-my sister is Gemini rising.
Or Gemini moon?
Or she dated a Gemini?
Wow, I have got to call my sister.
[chuckles]
-[chuckles]
-Sorry. Uh, you should
-you should get back to detention.
-Yes.
Oh, well, there is something
I never thought I'd say to you.
-You and me both.
-[chuckles] Oh.
Don't forget to sign up
for the Science Fair!
Got it.
[Dean] Welcome to Medina Town Hall.
Like any other hall in any other town.
You brought me here to do what?
[Dean] Well, when we first met,
you were very
honest about my campaign
needing a refresh.
But I don't know anything
about political speeches.
You know about presentation.
All right? If it wasn't for you,
I would still have that mustache
that nobody else told me
made me look like a serial killer.
Ooh.
And I would still be dressing like, um
Ted Bundy.
[chuckles] I was gonna say
Jordan Catalano, but
From My So-Called Life? No.
Here's my question.
How do I get people to like me?
[sighs]
You'll be presenting here?
-Mm-hmm.
-And against that color scheme?
You're gonna be standing?
All right, get up there.
Let's see how the people will see you.
[Dean] Okay.
Yikes.
That's what I'm talking about.
-Nixon.
-Oh.
He sweat through his first debate
with Kennedy.
-It cost him the entire election.
-Okay.
We're gonna need some powder foundation,
some incandescent lighting,
and I will send you to my chiropractor
to work on your posture a bit.
And I know you've been kind of
experimenting with a few things up there,
but I'm just gonna fly out my hairstylist.
Great. [laughs]
Cool. You want to come check out
my campaign office after this?
Oh, I would love to, but I got to
pick Elle up from detention at 3:00.
Detention?
She seemed so sweet
when she was cajoling me
into renting a booth for her homecoming.
Yeah, she has some ludicrous theory
about her principal stealing funds
from the school.
Can you go to the other podium?
Your better angle
needs to face the TV cameras.
Hold on.
E-Elle thinks that Shane Anderson
is stealing money?
Yes. And she can be very convincing
when she's invested in something.
[smacks lips]
I think our best bet is
to do this by candlelight.
-[door opens]
-[footsteps approaching]
Phase One is complete.
Is Phase Two killing Anderson?
-You guys told Kimberly?
-I was forced.
[Kimberly] Oh, like someone forced you
-to wear those pants?
-Remember when you got nicer?
Can we go back to that?
Okay. Phase Two.
What does "Consolidate and secure
personal care essentials" mean?
[smacks lips]
[whimsical music playing]
Can I help you?
That looks so familiar.
Oh, yeah, it's Cujo.
I kind of thought was banned,
and I will therefore be
prominently placing it right
here.
No. Your bracelet.
Camp Saddle Rock.
I saw it earlier and thought,
"Who have I seen wearing that before?"
And then I thought,
"Wait. Liz has that bracelet."
-And then I thought--
-Get there faster.
Were you two at camp at the same time?
Why in the world would that matter?
I'm just trying to figure out
what your damage is with each other.
With you and me
-We don't need to recap.
-Mm.
But Liz is, like,
the most neutral force ever.
[scoffs] I'm sorry,
but Liz is not neutral.
Okay, so something did happen.
Did you have a big fight?
You know, this might shock you,
but our lives didn't just start
the second you appeared at this school.
[sighs] What the hell is
a friendship sabbatical?
What?
You and the running man are being weird.
[chuckling] What? No, we're not.
[Martindale] Stop playing with fire!
I'm not! Everyone's fine!
You'll burn the place down.
Why are the quiet ones always pyromaniacs?
And isn't Cujo banned?
I'm moving to self-help.
[adventurous music playing]
So, uh, I hear you and I are
on some sort of embargo.
Embargo, sabbatical.
Where are we, a thesaurus convention?
Are you okay?
Yep.
You just shelved R. L. Stine in self-help.
[chuckles softly] One could argue
his entire repertoire is a metaphor
for the horrors of teen adolescence.
One could.
I messed up.
Maybe I shouldn't have told Shannon.
You were tiki drunk at her mom's memorial.
I know. I-I screwed up.
But we both tried calling her.
She doesn't want to talk to us.
I'm not sure what else we can do.
Nothing. We do nothing.
No more extended eye contact,
no more leaning against lockers,
-no more--
-No speaking to each other?
I think we should avoid
anything involving mouths.
Okay.
Can I ask, respectfully, why?
I mean, she already knows.
She's not here.
Because it's just not me, Miles.
I'm not that kind of girl.
Uh, there's a plumbing emergency
in the ladies' room.
What? Did you say something?
Toilet [blows raspberry]
exploded.
[sighs] I'll call Frank.
[intriguing music playing]
That's my cue.
Good luck.
[liquid sloshing]
[sighs]
Aw, come on.
[suspenseful music playing]
Come on, come on, come on.
Why does every key look the same?
[Anderson] Miles?
Principal Anderson.
[Kimberly] Hey.
Did you drop this?
-Hilarious.
-I thought so.
Yeah, do you come up with these
ahead of time,
or is this just, like,
off the top of your head?
-Oh, you think I'm funny?
-[Elle] Here's an idea.
Why don't you two stop fighting about
the mineral economy,
and start getting ready
for our next phase.
[Miles] Hey, guys.
We're screwed.
Sixty-one tampons!
And that's not to mention the super pluses
that got so engorged they became
one monster, uh, tampon rat king.
-Yep, we're screwed.
-Fire, blood or flood.
I am not to be bothered on my days off
unless there is a fire, blood or flood,
and you all chose the latter.
Mrs. Martindale,
you may take the rest of the day off.
Uh [clears throat]
-They're all accounted for.
-Mm.
[Martindale] The one
in the hoodie's alive.
He just looks comatose.
[sighs]
Uh, Miss Woods?
Yeah, might I ask what you're doing here?
I am here to serve my time
just like everyone else.
Uh-huh. Well, I'm just looking
at my roster here.
I got the athlete, the basket case,
the princess,
the criminal, but no Elle Woods, so
what are you doing here, Miss Woods?
[tense music playing]
[laughs softly] You remember.
[mumbles] When I pied you in the face.
When you I'm sorry, when you what?
You know.
[singsong] When I pied you in the face.
I no, I don't understand
anything you're saying.
When she pied you in the face.
[stammers] Oh.
[stammers]
You mean the lemon meringue you gifted me
for some woman thing?
-Wha--
-What?
Seriously! Why are you here?
To scare myself straight.
Well, I guess now you're here
because you lied.
-[clipboard clatters]
-New deal.
No more hall passes.
We are all staying put until 3:00.
[Dustin] What if we need
to use the facilities?
Then I guess you're gonna
have to get familiar
with the concept of holding it.
[soft groan]
Oh, my God. You're Ally Sheedy.
-[whispers] Elle Woods.
-No, in The Breakfast Club,
there's the whole thing
where they learn that Ally Sheedy
didn't even have to be in detention,
she just showed up.
-Okay, I couldn't do it.
-[groans]
-I really tried.
-[sighs] Mm-hmm.
I even went to his office with the pie.
But I'm not a natural rule breaker,
and the consequences
really flash before your eyes
once you're face-to-face with them.
Can you imagine
what it's like inside her head?
[Liz] Wait, I'm sorry,
I thought that I was Ally Sheedy,
and I thought
that you were Molly Ringwald.
Am I Molly Ringwald?
[Dustin] Maybe we should have
seen it coming
that Elle's bad at being bad.
[Miles] Guys, whatever.
Elle's a model citizen. We knew this.
We have more important things
to deal with right now.
We need a plan B.
[sighs]
[intriguing music playing]
-Yo, Kyle.
-Mm-hmm? Mm-hmm?
Wake up.
You wouldn't happen to have your, uh
you-know-what, would you?
[whispers] Have his what?
[scoffs]
♪
[chittering]
All right, Mr. Chuckles.
I'll see you soon.
[Liz] Principal Anderson,
we need you to settle an argument for us.
Do I actually need a pregnancy test
to know that I'm pregnant?
-Uh
-[Elle] I vote yes.
And I feel like those tests
are just the patriarchy
trying to normalize corporations
charging women money for something
they already know about their own bodies.
[Elle] Hmm, good point.
I do know when I'm ovulating.
-[Liz] Mm-hmm.
-Boo.
Thoughts?
Um
Well, have you talked
to your parents about this?
Oh, my parents are religious.
We can't talk about sex.
Yeah, um, see Mrs. Nelson
in the guidance counselor's office
next week.
I'm sure she has a pamphlet.
Yeah, or something like that.
Okay.
[faint chittering and scurrying]
-Hmm.
-[Elle] I felt a kick.
[Kimberly] Oh. Oh.
Is that a contraction?
Yeah. I think that's what those feel like.
-Like, it itches, right?
-[grunts]
Uh
[faint chittering and scurrying]
Does anyone hear that?
Hear what?
[Dustin] I think it's coming
from the ceiling.
Oh, my God, is that a rat?
[sighs]
[Elle] What? A rat?
Yeah, you don't hear
those little toenails?
-[Dustin] We should call maintenance.
-[grunts]
No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
This can wait until Monday.
-[metal thumping]
-Oh.
[gasps]
[chittering and scurrying]
-[metal thumps]
-[gasps]
Oh.
-[Liz] Yikes.
-[Elle] Principal Anderson,
if there is a rat trapped
in our school air ducts,
we-- as the most evolved species
of mammal in this room--
are responsible for its well-being.
-Mm-hmm.
-It's a rat.
A rat without access to food or water,
not to mention daylight.
When was the last time
these vents were cleaned?
Anyone?
I genuinely have no idea.
Do I need to make a call
in to PETA's own Linda McCartney
and alert her to the inhumane
living conditions at Rainier West High?
Also, if it dies, it'll smell really bad.
[groaning]
[sighs]
[picks up phone]
[dialing]
Hey, Frank, it's Shane.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Uh, eh-- would you mind bringing
a ladder up to the library?
Oh, and a jar of peanut butter.
For the rat, not for me.
[Frank] Busy day.
I noticed that, too.
[grunts softly]
[intriguing music playing]
[chittering and scurrying]
It sounds like he's right up here, Frank.
[Frank] Give me that peanut butter.
[Anderson grunts, sighs]
[sighs]
-[Frank] Spot me.
-Oh. Yeah.
♪
[metal creaking]
[upbeat music playing]
-[Frank] Gotcha!
-[gasps]
[chittering]
Giant freakin' rat.
[Anderson] That is no rat.
That is a ferret.
Okay, take it.
I am not touching that.
Kyle? How many times
do we need to tell you?
No ferrets in school.
Get up here.
Uh, would you mind telling us
how that thing got in the vents?
Uh
Yeah, I must have dozed off, sir.
I have six brothers and three sisters.
Uh-huh.
And this is the only place
I really get any sleep.
Okay. Well, then, you'll be happy to know
you're due back here next Saturday.
Alone.
Uh, thank you very much, sir.
[clearing throat]
[softly] Excuse me. Uh
[clears throat]
Uh, Principal Anderson?
I think Kimberly's trying
to get your attention.
-[Kimberly clearing throat]
-What is it?
[choking]
[dark music playing]
[Elle] Oh, my God.
Kimberly, do you have a peanut allergy?
[Kimberly clearing throat]
Whoa, whoa, aren't those fatal?
[Liz] Did you bring your EpiPen?
[Elle] You know,
you should really make a habit
of keeping an unexpired pen
on your person at all times
in the event of an anaphylactic emergency.
Well, maybe if she doesn't die right now,
she'll bear that in mind.
Uh, no, there is one.
It's in, uh, the nurse's office.
Um Uh, keep her calm.
Uh, and if any of you
step foot outside this room,
you will be expelled.
[Kimberly gasping]
[coughs]
[sighs] God, I'm good.
[softly] Jesus Christ.
-[groans]
-[chuckles]
Told you she'd be useful.
[Dustin] Okay, let's do this.
Anderson's old.
I give him four minutes
to get the pen, tops.
That gives me three.
Yeah, are we sure
we want to do this, guys?
He said we could be expelled.
Well, if anyone's gonna do this quickly,
it's gonna be the fastest runner
at this school.
It's me. I'm-I'm the fastest runner.
-[others] We know!
-Okay. Okay.
I'll see you at 11:21. Bye.
[suspenseful music playing]
[panting]
For a second there,
I thought you were in real danger.
Have you considered
pursuing the theatrical arts?
Should someone be standing lookout?
[tense music playing]
[shoe squeaks]
[groaning]
[moans]
♪
[grunting]
My old neighbor discovered
the Culkin family at a diner.
If you want to put yourself on tape,
I could send it to her.
[scoffs] Um, acting's not really my thing.
[stifled laugh]
[Liz coughs]
Is that funny?
[smacks lips] Kind of, yeah, considering.
Oh, really?
Considering what?
Oh, do you really need me to spell it out?
-Whatever.
-I might benefit
from some spelling out.
[sighs]
[suspenseful music playing]
[panting] Okay. Okay. Okay.
Uh
[panting]
Okay.
[whispers] Receipts, receipts, receipts.
[Liz] Kimberly's good at acting
because she's in a perpetual state
of performance.
[chuckles] Okay, say what you want.
-I know who I am.
-Great. I know who you are, too.
Great, then we have something in common.
You mean besides the fact
you both have a thing for each other?
♪
[grunts]
Okay, okay.
Come on, Shane. Come on, Shane.
EpiPen, EpiPen.
Epi Pen.
[Elle] This book you were
fighting about earlier
features two ladies looking very wistful.
Like, full of wist.
You were making fun of Liz for reading it,
but I-I looked inside, and you had
checked it out from the library yourself.
Multiple times.
And then you have that secret drawer
full of secret things.
Okay. [sighs]
All right.
Okay.
[muttering]
-[camera clicks]
-[thumb wheel turns]
-[camera clicks]
-[Liz] What secret things?
Your zines.
And also, that camp bracelet.
You went through my stuff?
Not on purpose.
But I think something happened
between you two at that camp--
like, romantically-- and now you're caught
in this whole Sam and Diane thing.
From Cheers.
-[door closes]
-[footsteps approaching]
-[gasps softly]
-[Anderson groans]
You don't hate each other.
You like each other. It's so cute.
-That's No. That's not, uh, at all
-I-I don't know
-where you're going with this one.
-what is going on there.
Oh, my God.
I did it again, didn't I?
I don't know why my gaydar is so off.
I mean, hearing myself say it,
the camp thing did sound like a stretch.
[door opens]
-[gasps]
-Anderson's on his way.
[Pearl Jam plays "Go"]
Wha-- Miles should be back by now.
And one
-[camera clicks]
-[thumb wheel turns]
-[camera clicks]
-[thumb wheel turns]
[sighs] Okay.
Guys, we need to do something.
Oh, come on, Miles.
Okay, what do we do?
Um
♪
[panting]
Come on.
Oh, please don't go out on me ♪
Don't go on me now ♪
Never acted up before,
don't go on me now
Uh, uh, quick question:
What are you doing?
[Elle] Anderson won't notice
Miles is missing
if we're all missing.
Just passing it on ♪
Go ♪
Fuck ♪
Once fastened, servile,
now you're getting sharp ♪
-What's this?
-Moving oh so swiftly ♪
with such disarm ♪
I pulled the covers over him ♪
Should've pulled the alarm ♪
-Turned to my nemesis ♪
-[alarm ringing]
a fool, not a fucking god ♪
No
[alarm continues ringing]
No.
I can't believe you just did that.
It's just a fire alarm.
It'll go off in a second,
so let's get out of [gasps]
Oh, boy.
Don't go on me ♪♪
♪
[thumb wheel turns]
[thumb wheel turns]
[Anderson] The sprinklers
didn't just go off, did they?
Huh?
They were triggered by one of you.
Isn't that right, Dustin?
Yeah. You want me to believe this doesn't
fit right in on your rap sheet?
Mascot vandalism,
assembly without permission,
flagrant and recurring skateboarding
in the hallways,
and now turning the entire school
into your own personal swimming pool.
[stifled laugh]
-[wry chuckle] Yeah.
-I'm s I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
This is all some big joke
to you, huh? Right?
-It's not not funny.
-Okay. All right.
Here's the deal, guys.
[whistles] Okay?
Nobody wants to tell me who did this,
we all come back here next Saturday,
play this game all over again, huh?
Would you like that?
How's that sitting with you, Miles?
Wait a second, isn't that Notre Dame scout
coming to your cross-country meet
next week?
You sure you want to miss that?
Hmm?
Okay. Liz.
You gonna miss another shift
at Bad Vibrations,
while your mom works three jobs?
That seems fair, huh?
And you're on such thin ice already.
Glad you pulled through, Kimberly.
[Kimberly] Yeah,
I'm just relieved I was able
to find that spare pen
hidden in my inside backpack pocket.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, you're not even friends
with these people,
and now you're willing
to take the fall for them?
Huh?
Oh, I guess your parents won't be bragging
about you at church tomorrow.
And finally
Miss Woods.
Aren't you above all this?
You weren't even supposed to be here.
And now you're gonna let
some delinquent loser
add "destruction of school property"
to a flawless high school transcript!
Dustin's not a delinquent loser.
Okay, well, remember that next Saturday
when you're sitting next to him.
I actually won't be sitting next to him.
Then start pointing fingers.
Because it was me.
-No, it wasn't.
-It was.
I did this,
and I'm willing to serve my time.
This isn't the Elle Woods I know.
Actually, Principal Anderson,
a "good intention turned unexpected mess"
is the Elle Woods I know,
and I've never felt
more accountable in my life.
Suit yourself.
And, apparently, I can't have you
serve detention in standing water,
so I'm gonna have to call it for today.
But I will see you next weekend.
Maybe you are that kind of girl.
[Simple Minds sings
"Don't You (Forget About Me)"]
Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
Whoa
And in conclusion,
that is why a second Saturday of detention
is ultimately a net positive.
While we have not confirmed
the existence of the stolen funds,
we do believe, once we find a discrepancy
in Anderson's paper trail,
we will have the proof we need
to expose his fraud.
And where is this paper trail?
-Developing at Walgreens.
-Okay.
Elle, I didn't love
when you got detention in the first place,
but you started a fire
and flooded your entire campus.
I've started researching
teen wilderness programs.
I couldn't let Miles get expelled.
And maybe there are other sides to me.
Maybe I'm not the rule-abiding Gemini
I always thought.
-[sighs]
-I mean, even Ms. Burke accused me
of being a Cancer.
I hope this isn't your cusp
starting to present.
Okay, what is this cusp thing?
How you were born
during a transitional sun,
how you're a Gemini,
but you're a little bit Cancer, too.
Ms. Burke was right?
But you've always said I was a Gemini.
June 20th, 11:59 p.m.
It's on my birth certificate.
I could've sworn I told you about this.
Told me about what?
How when I was pregnant,
your dad had a pool at the office
and everybody bet
on which day you'd be born.
Not ringing any bells.
Oh, you remember. So fun.
Um, we wanted to stay in the good graces
of the head
of Cedars' plastic surgery division,
who had placed a bet on June 20th.
Which worked out for him,
because I was born on June 20th.
And for us.
Look at the fabulous life we lead.
We have a favorite bistro in Paris
and a pilot on speed dial.
We use "summer" as a verb.
Mom, when was I born?
-June 21st.
-Mom
Yeah, but 12:01 a.m.
What is two minutes
in the grand scheme of things?
-My whole identity.
-Okay, technically,
your head was out at 11:59.
Great. Great.
So, my head's a Gemini
and my body's a Cancer.
This changes
my entire emotional narrative.
Did you knowingly corroborate the lie
I've been living the past 16 years?
No?
Uh, Miles on the phone.
Said it's important.
How does a Cancer cusp
even answer the phone?
[Elle] This was with the receipts?
It was shoved in the binder.
The note said, "What a beautiful family."
Well, it did
before the sprinklers washed it off.
Okay, so he had a photo of his family?
-Yeah, but the note is creepy.
-And that's not his wife.
-[Dustin] What?
-His wife has red hair.
And they don't have kids.
I've seen that jacket before.
[gasps] I knew
it didn't belong to his wife.
He was dismissed from a school
in Sunnyside, Washington,
for unknown reasons.
This girl's wearing a shirt
that says Sunnyside.
Seems like she's the unknown reason.
So, we're saying this girl
is his daughter?
[sighs] Wow.
I mean, I thought he was having an affair,
but I never thought
he'd have a whole secret family.
Maybe he was stealing the money
to provide for them.
Yeah, but that still doesn't explain
the note.
[Dustin] Unless the money
isn't for his family.
It's a pretty big secret.
Almost worth stealing
thousands of dollars to cover up.
He was paying someone to keep quiet.
Someone must be blackmailing him.
[bicycle approaching]
[brakes squeak]
[Liz] Guys, I need your help.
[panting] It's my mom.
[suspenseful music playing]
[sighs] Oh, fuck.
[sirens wailing]
-[siren whoops]
-[tires screech]
[Elle] What do they want with your mom?
-She swears she didn't do anything.
-Why were they there?
[officer] This is the police!
Step out of your car with your hands up.
[Liz] They were there to arrest her.
-[Donna] Okay.
-[Liz] Look, thousands of dollars in cash
was reported stolen from school today.
[officer] We got the items.
Look, "Rainier West High,"
written all over them.
Those aren't mine.
[Liz] They found it in her car.
What? That's impossible.
Donna would never steal.
Well, she'd never steal that much.
[Miles] That doesn't make any sense.
Donna wasn't even at the school today.
Yes, she was. You remember? She
she dropped off my lunch.
Okay, but Donna was the one
who told us about the receipts.
And then tried to convince us
not to look for them.
[Miles] Didn't we just realize
that someone
was blackmailing Anderson?
I'm sorry, what are you talking about?
We think Anderson has a secret family
and someone knows about it.
[softly] What?
And you think my mom is blackmailing him?
No. No way.
Donna couldn't have done this.
[Simple Minds sing
"Don't You (Forget About Me)"]
Could she?
I say la, la-la-la-la ♪
la-la-la-la ♪
la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪
When you walk on by ♪
will you call my name? ♪
As you walk on by ♪
will you call my name? ♪
When you walk away ♪♪