Leanne (2025) s01e06 Episode Script

1
So everyone at the bakery knows if your
grandbaby's gonna be a boy or a girl,
but we're in the dark
till Nora and Tyler cut into this?
I know, and Shirley was so smug
when she rang me up, like,
"I finally have the upper hand, Leanne."
Well, you were
pretty mean to her in school.
Not mean. Competitive.
You weren't a cheerleader.
You'd never understand.
Shirley's got three kids,
three fathers, and a misspelled tattoo.
You win.
I'll win when a 17-year-old boy
can throw me in the air again.
So I'm guessing Bill's coming
to this thing tonight?
I had to include him.
He's the father and the grandfather.
And a father-to-be. So stupid.
He's too old
to be up all night changing diapers.
If the baby doesn't wake him up,
his prostate will.
That thing's as big as a country ham.
I'm sure your religion's really nifty,
but we already have one.
Are you Carol Hayes?
I'm sorry, you are?
Andrew Madden. FBI.
She's right over there.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Just tell me
what kind of trouble Dylan's in.
Are we talking bank robber, murderer?
Is there a podcast about him?
I just finished listening
to Dirty John, and my Lord.
I get it. You want answers.
But unfortunately, I can't give you any.
Brother.
Excuse me.
I've just got to take these.
Can I get you some water?
That's quite a handful.
Yeah.
I had to have a thing, and now
I got to take these every four hours,
or I might have to have… another thing.
I got things.
My purse is a little Walgreens
with a cute strap.
I take estrogen,
progesterone, and Prilosec.
Word to the wise,
if you're taking Prilosec daily,
you might want to check your bone density.
I'm taking Xanax
because my boyfriend's missing.
Can we circle back now?
All right, so, how long were you
in a relationship with Mr. McQuaide?
McQuaide?
You might know him as Deaver.
Hightower?
Thank God.
We're talking about a different guy!
- Jackson?
- Damn it.
- More pills?
- Nope.
My watch just told me it's time to stand.
They do say sitting's the new smoking.
Great. Now I want a cigarette.
I used to smoke, too. Newports.
Camels.
Marlboro Reds. Are we done?!
Again, how long were you two together?
A couple months in this life.
We're pretty sure
we crossed paths as Vikings.
I only learned about them recently
when he pranced through my kitchen
in his tiny drawers.
We were sleeping here
because her marriage blew up,
and she didn't want to be alone.
I was a wreck. I'm talking
pick-me-up-off-the-floor wreck.
I'm sorry. That's rough.
I'm surprised you hadn't heard.
My mama put out a prayer request
to everyone in Tennessee.
That was you.
Yeah, everybody at headquarters
is praying for you.
Can we come back to me?!
Right. Um, did Mr. McQuaide
leave anything behind?
A laptop? A phone?
Nope. Just me.
Wait, don't we have that stack of mail
we took from his apartment?
No.
No, we don't.
You broke into his apartment?
Is it time to stand again?
You both realize that stealing mail
is a federal offense?
Even if you love the occupant?
If it wasn't for love,
prisons would be empty.
He's right.
It always comes down to love.
Love of money.
Or love of just killing somebody.
- Could you get that mail, please?
- Yeah, I'll be right back.
You're not really
gonna arrest us, are you?
No, but I will say
I don't like the path you're on.
Can you tell me just one little thing?
Is my sister in danger?
- No, she's not, ma'am.
- Well, that's a relief.
And it's Leanne.
Leanne. That suits you.
Thank you, Agent Andrew.
It's just Andrew.
Nobody really calls themselves Agent.
But you're my first,
and you never forget your first.
All right, but only you.
Did you always want to be an FBI agent?
I did. I like flipping the badge.
I thought that was just
something they did in TV.
No, it's a class at the academy.
Nobody confesses to a guy
with a weak flip.
All right, before I hand this over,
you've got to give me some information.
Am I the only woman you're talking to,
or is there a string of us all over?
- Just you.
- Yes!
Well, thank you, ladies.
If you think of anything else
that might be helpful,
please give me a call.
We will.
When you see him, tell him his longboat
is missed on the shores of Valhalla.
He'll know what that means.
I think we all know what that means.
Thank you for the coffee, Leanne.
You're welcome, Agent Andrew.
- Ew.
- What?
My boyfriend's life might be in jeopardy,
and you're flirting.
Good, I was afraid
I was being too subtle.
In my day,
gender reveal's where you pull them out,
hose them off and see what's down there.
That's right.
You get what you get, and don't get upset.
You're telling me Grandpa wasn't hoping
that Aunt Carol came out a boy?
He was fine.
Yeah, I walked the Appalachian Trail,
screamed once, and turned the page.
What do you want, Tyler?
A vasectomy.
I'm starting to think Dylan didn't tell me
his real last name to protect me.
I still can't believe I had a real-life,
devastatingly handsome
FBI agent in my home.
My God!
- Just call him.
- What do you mean?
You've been fiddling with his card
all day. I saw you smell it.
It's woodsy with hints of vanilla.
Barf.
Hey, pizza coming in hot.
I got beers for everyone
who's not pregnant, which includes me.
I think.
I smell pizza,
but I don't see pizza!
I'll… I'll just take those.
- Pizza coming in hot.
- Looks lukewarm to me.
- Can I help with anything?
- I got it.
- Hey, thanks again for letting me come.
- I did it for Nora and Tyler.
Understood.
Still, it's kind of cool
being grandparents again.
It is.
Remember how excited we were
when Bill Jr. was born?
One of the happiest moments of my life.
Yeah, well,
I'm hoping for a girl this time.
Well, if not our grandchild,
you got a shot with your baby mama.
Yuck it up. I'm terrified.
No one can blame you
for being a little freaked out right now,
but you know what you're doing.
Let's be honest.
You did most of the work with our kids.
I don't remember it that way.
We were a team.
You're a great father,
and that's not gonna change.
How is it you always know what to say?
Because no one knows you like I do,
and no one ever will.
Back at you.
I don't think so.
- Aw.
- Pink and blue. I love that.
The baby's kicking. Look, feel.
Special.
Where's Leanne?
I can't wait to cut into that cake.
I got to tell you, I got up this morning,
and I'm feeling a girl.
Yeah, well, feeling a girl
is what got you in a pickle.
Thanks, John.
When are we gonna start opening gifts?
We do gifts at the shower, Grandpa.
Lord almighty.
How many of these parties I gotta go to
before the kid's even born?
No, the shower's
just for the ladies, Daddy.
Great. You and me can go bowling.
But I'm a…
Yeah, sure.
Okay, you can do this.
Madden, leave a message.
That was fast.
Hello. Hi.
Hey, you.
This is Leanne Murphy.
We met this morning.
My sister had a relationship
with a man of many last names.
I got to go.
I'm going to the bathroom!
I'm not actually going to the bathroom.
I'm just in the bathroom.
Hurry!
Anyway, something about this investigation
has really been gnawing at me,
and I might have
some information that could help.
Wrap it up!
Daddy, give me a minute!
I don't live with my daddy.
He's just here.
You don't need to know any of this.
- This is not Leanne!
- Lord, make it stop.
Cake's pink. They're having a girl.
I missed it?
No, I cut into it. Everybody's mad at me.
It's open.
Howdy-howdy.
Come on in, Leanne. Please.
Thank you. Sorry I'm late.
I had to go through security three times.
I had a mystery beep.
Turns out it was tweezers in my purse.
Not that I need to pluck anything.
You said on the phone
you have some information.
I do. Physical evidence.
This is my sister's hairbrush,
but Dylan used it, which drove her crazy.
But you will find his hair
mixed in with hers.
Boom.
Okay.
I know you people
are always looking for DNA.
When we don't know who the person is.
Right.
You know,
we don't because you won't tell us.
Exactly.
Even though it's just you and me
with the door closed?
Even though.
Okay, well, I saw something,
I said something.
Okay, well, thanks, Leanne.
This has been very helpful.
No, it hasn't.
No, it hasn't, but you brightened my day.
I did?
Pft! Look around. You're the only
pop of color I've seen in eight hours.
Thank you.
I used my Kohl's Cash.
- Thanks for coming
- Anyhoo…
It was so nice to see you again.
You too.
Hold up. Just one more thing.
Yes?
Is your cell phone
the best way to reach you,
and do you like Italian food?
I know it's been a long time,
but I think you're asking me out.
Look at you, solving the case.
These beachy waves aren't gonna last
if you keep sweating.
I'm nervous.
I can't remember the last time
I had butterflies in my belly. Feel!
Why does this keep happening to me?
So, I've written out a few questions.
Nothing major.
But sometime during the meal,
work those in.
"Where's Dylan?"
"What did Dylan do?"
"Does Dylan love Carol?"
This is crazy.
- Fine, forget it.
- No!
Me going on a date, what was I thinking?
- What are you doing?
- I'm getting undressed.
That usually happens
at the end of the date.
I can't go. This was a mistake.
Carol, you're gonna have to call
and tell him I'm sick.
We'll just try again in a few years.
He's an FBI agent.
He's gonna know I'm lying.
You're right, he is.
Because he's so good at his job
and he's so good-looking.
You are too.
Wait till he tries your meat loaf.
I got that recipe from Southern Living.
It's not even mine!
I'm a fraud!
Pull it together!
Deep breaths, Mom.
In and out. In…
and out.
In…
and out.
Okay.
- Okay.
- We good?
I think so.
Did I ruin my waves?
They're still beachy.
You sure?
- Yeah, but there is one thing.
- Too much blush?
Too much wedding ring.
I think it's time.
She's right.
You just don't put these things on
thinking one day you'll take them off.
But it has lost its meaning.
You're ready.
Okay. Here we go.
Well, the one area on my body
that doesn't have sun damage.
No pressure, but you're my first date
since George Michael left Wham!
I think we all remember
where we were that day.
I'm just warning you,
I might be a little rusty.
You're in good hands. I date constantly.
You're my third date today.
- Really?
- Yup.
Fell in love at breakfast,
broke up at lunch, and here we are.
You ready to fix me?
I'll try. What's your problem?
Well, that'd be a better question
to ask my ex-wives.
Wives? How many are we talking?
Just two.
Okay.
Yellow light. Proceed.
Well, my first wife
was my high school sweetheart
who couldn't take the stress of my job
because I couldn't
take the stress of my job.
Then I married my partner
on the force in Nashville.
Another fascinating choice.
She had more chemistry with an informant.
They're both very happy.
You think you'll ever do it again?
I hope this isn't a deal-breaker,
but no, not in a million years.
I'm right there with you.
Really? Well, what do you say?
You want to not get married with me?
I thought you'd never not ask.
This job makes it hard to trust people.
I see the worst in everyone.
I was the most trusting person you'd ever
meet until my husband blindsided me.
You should have put a tracker on his car.
I'll be doing that with you.
Is it weird that I'm flattered?
Good. I was trying to be playful,
but it felt creepy.
So, what looks good to you?
I think I'm craving this little gem salad.
It's a felony to lie to a federal agent.
I'll have the baked ziti.
So if Dylan turns out
to be a killer,
are you gonna do the conjugal visit thing?
Depends who he killed and why he killed.
But probably, yeah.
Do you think they have cameras in there?
Who cares? I always do it
like people are watching.
How is it you and I are home
on a Saturday night
and Mom's out on a hot date?
I don't know, but get ready.
You've never known single Leanne.
She's a wildcat.
Yeah, right.
I'm serious.
She was like a bad pet.
She'd disappear for a week,
we'd be calling her name,
and eventually, she'd drag herself home
looking kind of chewed up and hungry.
My mom?
She did everything I did,
she just never got caught.
She's on the no-fly list, too?
Okay, not everything.
I had every intention of eating
like a lady tonight, and look at me.
I'm using a cookie as a spoon.
If it makes you feel better,
when you were in the bathroom,
I slipped into pajama bottoms.
The minute I get home,
I'm turning all this loose.
And I can say that
because we're never getting married.
Never.
Excuse me. It's work.
Yeah.
Okay.
Everything all right?
I'm so sorry. I've got to cut this short.
I'm needed in the field.
In the field?
That sounds exciting.
It's really not.
Now he's walking under the crowd tape,
just like in the movies.
The local cops are not happy
because the big dog's on the scene.
This is so exciting!
Can you see the body? Is it Dylan?
Is your hair holding up?
Ooh. Ooh!
What's happening?
He's putting those little booties
on his feet. It is so sexy.
I think he's reaching for his gun.
No, it's his pill time.
He is so responsible.
Well, Agent Madden, what a night.
You gave me dinner, dessert,
and a drug deal gone bad.
It's gonna make it hard to top next time.
Yeah.
There's gonna be a next time.
I was hoping there would be.
Thank you for making my first date
back in the world so lovely.
- Good night, Leanne.
- Good night.