Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e06 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Narrator] Leave it to Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
(happy music)
When you were young, brotherhood meant sharing secret
and wonderful adventures.
Or enjoying the luxury of just going fishing.
And then there were the times when you
and your brother had a slight difference of opinion.
And that's our story tonight on Leave It To Beaver.
(muffled bickering)
What are you reading?
Something new?
Something old.
Quotations from the Arabic.
I found it when I was cleaning the bookshelf.
Your Uncle Harry gave us this book 10 years ago,
on our anniversary.
Ah, I remember that.
We were expecting a check.
(audience laughing)
Ward, listen to this, "The love of a man for a woman",
"will wither and fade and grow old,"
"but the love of brother for brother,"
"will last till the sands of the desert grow cold."
(muffled thumping)
Isn't that beautiful?
I didn't quite get the full effect dear,
the boys are fighting upstairs.
(audience laughing)
"But the love of brother for brother,"
"will last till the sands of the desert grow cold."
That's very nice dear.
If you're gonna quote brotherly love,
I think you should get Wally and The Beaver to cooperate.
(audience laughing)
Do you think they're fighting?
Well, either that
or they're taking the door off their closet
to make a surfboard again.
(audience laughing)
How can you sit there calmly
with two brothers fighting upstairs?
All brothers fight.
Even Arabian brothers.
I remember my brother and I used
to fight like cats and dogs.
Once he bounced a rock right off the top of my head.
Had to take five stitches in it.
Your brother did that?
I can hardly believe it.
Come think of it, you're right, it was my sister.
(audience laughing)
(muffled thumping)
Are you just gonna sit there and let this go on?
Well it's perfectly normal, June.
It's happened before, it'll happen again.
Well I think it's disgraceful, brothers fighting.
And if you're gonna sit there and be so indifferent,
I'm gonna go up there and put
a stop to it once and for all.
Well dear, if you think I failed,
by all means have a go at it yourself.
(audience laughing)
I didn't touch your junky old airplane!
It's not a junky old airplane.
You took it out of my drawer!
I didn't take it!
You did too!
You're always wrecking my stuff!
[Beaver] Let go of me!
Let go!
Wally!
Wally, you let him up this minute!
If I do, he'll kick me again!
You bet I'll kick you again!
Oh come on now stop!
Stop it!
Oh, stop it!
Mom, he took my jet airplane,
I worked on it for a whole week.
I did not and anyways it wasn't any good.
When I threw it out the window, it didn't even fly.
(audience laughing)
- So you did take it!
Oh now stop you boy oughta be ashamed of yourselves!
I wasn't doin' anything, Mom
and he just came in here and started punching me!
It was all his fault!
Why did I have to get him for a brother anyway?
Wally, you are very lucky to have a brother.
Lots of boys don't have this advantage.
That'd be all right with me.
Me too!
(audience laughing)
Well, I guess all of this bickering
and fighting will stop soon enough when Wally goes away.
Wally's goin' somewhere?
Well, he's going to start to high school next year
and then he'll be leaving for college.
Oh boy!
I'll get the whole room to myself!
(audience laughing)
Yes Beaver, you will.
All to yourself!
Wally will be going away making new friends,
while you'll hardly see him at all anymore.
Can't happen soon enough for me.
Me too!
(audience laughing)
Now I've had enough of this and it's going to stop!
Now both of you are going to sit down
and you're gonna write out a promise
that you're going to start acting like brothers.
It's gonna be a friendship pact.
You're gonna start doing things together
and enjoying things together.
Now do it right now.
[Wally] Aw, gee, do we have to?
Right now!
And don't either one of you leave this room,
until you've done it!
(triumphant music)
"I, Theodore Cleaver, promise not
to hit my brother anymore and to do things together
with him because he is my brother."
There, now what's wrong with that?
Nothing, nothing at all.
Well, he may have been a little confused
but at least the spirit's there.
At least I got him to sign a friendship pact.
Seems to me, I recall having to sign a pact like that
with my sister.
Just before she hit me in the head with the rock.
(audience laughing)
Now you're just taking this attitude
because it's my idea.
You never like my suggestions.
But June, that's not true!
You've come up with some brilliant suggestions.
This just doesn't happen to be one of them, that's all.
(audience laughing)
Well at least I did something about it!
I got Wally and The Beaver to write out a friendship pact!
Now don't you worry about it, it'll work!
Look June,
friendship is something you simply cannot force.
Look, do you remember that circus gorilla, Gargantua,
they sent all the way to Africa for another gorilla.
Brought him over here, put 'em in a cage together
and they practically tore each other apart.
(audience laughing)
Are you comparing my two babies with gorillas?
(audience laughing)
Of course not!
I was merely using that as an illustration.
You practically called them apes!
I did not!
That's a fine thing for a father to say!
I didn't say it!
And I think we'd better drop this subject right now,
before we need a friendship pact ourselves.
(audience laughing)
(lively music)
Now don't touch the sideburns,
leave enough on top so I can comb it forward
and don't take too much off the back.
Your father called and told me how to cut it.
(audience laughing)
- Oh.
Hi, Wally.
Hi Chester.
Hey Stanley, did my mother call about my haircut?
No, not this week!
Good!
Don't touch the sideburns, leave enough on the top,
where I can comb it forward and leave it long in the back.
I want a duck tail.
(audience laughing)
Hey Wally, what are ya doin' tomorrow?
Nothin' much Chester, why?
Well, my father's got tickets for that football game.
You wanna come along?
Gee, yeah!
That's gonna be a swell game!
We'll pick ya up at about two o'clock.
That's great!
(audience laughing)
Hey can I bring my brother?
I'm supposed to.
The Beaver?
We only got three tickets.
Well I guess I can't make it.
My father's gonna take us back to meet the coach.
He and him went to school together.
No foolin'?
Chester, what time you say you'll pick me up?
[Chester] Two o'clock.
It's a deal!
What about your brother?
I think I can ditch him.
(audience laughing)
(mischievous music)
There she is.
Arrived this morning.
Genuine Cape Cod dinghy.
Boy that's keen!
Yup.
Got her in the water down at Miller's Pond, right now.
Man couldn't help but catch fish with a boat like that.
Yeah, Wally says you gotta get in the deep spots,
where they are.
Yeah.
A fella came in with one, oh, that long.
(audience laughing)
You know, I never did like to fish alone.
I know Gus, me neither.
Course, this Cape Cod dinghy's,
only got room for a man and a half.
A man and a half?
Yeah, now just where would a fella go to get half a man?
(audience laughing)
Gee, I don't know, Gus.
I was lookin' right at you Beaver!
You might just fit them requirements.
(audience laughing)
Oh boy!
Would ya take me fishing?
Would ya, Gus?
Well, like I say, I don't like to fish alone.
Course, you'd have to ask your father and mother.
Now, could you meet me here at the firehouse
at about two o'clock tomorrow afternoon?
Sure, I'll bring my pole and
[Gus] What's the matter, Beaver?
As long as I bring my pole, can I bring my brother, Wally?
We're supposed to do things together.
Well, I'd like to have him, but like I say,
this here Cape Cod dinghy only holds a man and a half.
I figure with you and your brother
that adds up to about two and a quarter!
We could really get out in the deep spots, where they are.
Okay, Gus.
I'll be here around two o'clock.
Good.
Sorry about your brother.
Just ain't got room, that's all.
That's okay, I guess I can duck away.
(audience laughing)
See ya tomorrow, Gus!
(happy music)
Well now, son, that's what I call a sensible haircut.
You really showed good judgment, yes sir.
June, don't you think that
Dad, Stanley told me about you callin' ahead of time.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
Yeah, I guess I did mention it to him.
Well, what have you two boys got planned
for over the weekend?
Well I'm gonna go fi
Nothing. (Audience laughing)
What are you going to do, Wally?
Who me?
Well I don't guess I'm gonna do nothing either.
(audience laughing)
Yeah.
Me and Wally are gonna do nothing together.
Aren't we, Wally?
'Cause we got a pact.
Yeah, we got a pact.
Well I think it's very sweet.
Since you two brothers are working together as a team,
how about taking out some of the dishes?
Oh, sure dad.
Oh sure dad!
Thank you.
Well, did you ever see two brothers,
get along better together?
No.
[June] Did you ever see two boys more anxious
to be with each other?
No.
Then what's bothering you?
I keep thinking about that book.
Quotations from the Arabic?
No, All Quiet on the Western Front.
(audience laughing) Pass the cream, dear, please.
(triumphant music)
(happy music)
Where have the boys gone this morning?
No where, they're up in their room.
Oh, never slept this late on a Saturday before.
They're not sleeping, they're playing.
Together.
Well they can't be playing, June.
Look, the walls are not shaking, plaster's not falling.
(audience laughing)
No, they must be asleep.
Dear, you're forgetting.
They signed a pact.
Love of brother for brother.
Seems to me I recall,
you got another pretty sincere promise out of them,
awhile back, about keeping their room straightened up.
Well you have to admit,
it did look better for a couple of weeks.
Yeah, then we found out why.
They'd been throwing their dirty laundry out on the roof.
(audience laughing)
But this time Ward,
what I told them about brothers loving each other
is going to work.
Now you're always too logical.
I used a tender approach.
A woman gets results using her heart not her head.
Oh now, June.
That simply doesn't hold up, a man's head,
has always been softer than a woman's heart.
(audience laughing)
Well that didn't come out quite right,
but I think you got what I meant.
(audience laughing)
Oh yes, I did.
But don't you worry about this pact.
It's gonna work.
Okay, carry on.
I have to take the car down to get the battery recharged.
That's six games I won.
Yeah, it's real fun playin' with your brother.
(audience laughing)
- Yeah.
Say Beaver, are you sure,
you don't have anything to do today?
Not unless it's with you, it says so in the pact.
Yeah, but if you got anything special to do,
you go right a head and do it.
Not me!
I wouldn't break the pact!
Yeah.
Of course, if you have anything special to do,
you go right a head and do it.
(audience laughing) (phone ringing)
What are ya tryin' to do?
Get me in trouble?
You just want me to break the
pact so you can squeal to Mom.
No I don't!
[June] Wally!
Yeah, Mom?
[June] Telephone!
Be right there!
(mischievous music)
We'll pick ya up at two o'clock for the football game.
Yeah, sure.
Oh and my dad says to wear a jacket.
We might go to dinner after we meet the coach.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, fine.
Gotchya.
Who was that, Wally?
Where? (Audience laughing)
Oh, you mean on the phone.
Yes, I mean on the phone.
Just somebody that called up.
[Beaver] What'd they want?
You know how it is.
Guys are always callin' ya up.
I know, but who was the guy that called ya up?
How would I know?
It was so long ago, I forget.
(audience laughing)
Yeah.
What time is it, Wally?
[Wally] Almost 12.
(tentative music)
[Beaver] Wally, are you in here?
(mischievous music)
[Wally] Beaver, Beaver, are you in there?
(dramatic music)
(mischievous music)
(door slamming)
- Phew!
(audience laughing)
(comical music)
(audience laughing)
Hi, Wally!
Where were you goin'?
Who me?
[Wally] Yeah.
I was going out on the roof to practice fishing.
(audience laughing)
- Oh.
You were going out on the roof to practice fishing, huh?
Yeah!
What are you doing with a pennant and jacket?
Practicing for football? (Audience laughing)
Now look, Beav, you don't have to kid around with me!
If you got some place you wanna go,
you just say so and we'll forget about the pact.
Oh no!
You'll squeal on me!
Anyway, we signed it in blood.
That was red ink. (Audience laughing)
You said it was the same thing.
Okay, we'll stick to the pact.
Hi!
Did you get the battery recharged?
No, I didn't have to, they sold me a new one.
Always do. (Audience laughing)
How are the boys?
Have they recovered their normal antagonism for each other?
Not at all.
They've had a wonderful time together all morning,
I haven't heard a word out of them.
Must be coming down with colds.
(fridge door slamming) (audience laughing)
(tentative music)
(checkers slamming)
What time is it now?
20 to two.
Aren't ya hot in that jacket?
No.
(yawning)
Hey, Beaver, aren't you supposed
to take a nap on Saturday?
Sometimes.
Well, I'll go downstairs so I don't disturb ya.
Downstairs?
You're just trying to sneak away!
(audience laughing)
- No I'm not.
To prove it, I'll stay up here and take a nap with ya.
Okay.
Okay.
No Tom, I haven't heard anything about it.
Oh, the boys know.
Well, yeah, sure, fine.
Oh, okay, bye.
That was Tom Anderson,
he says that he and Chester are supposed to take Wally
to a football game this afternoon.
Oh he must be mistaken,
Wally and The Beaver are planning
to spend the whole day together.
Well you don't suppose,
they're going back on their agreement?
Now, now don't lose your confidence.
He probably made the date,
before you gave him your speech on brotherly love.
(audience laughing)
(tentative music)
(clock ticking)
(mischievous music)
(audience laughing)
Hey! (Audience laughing)
Where are you goin'?
Well, I think I'm walking in my sleep!
(audience laughing)
- Don't give me that!
You're just trying to sneak off and go fishin'!
Me?
Go fishin'?
But Wally we had a deal (door opening)
Oh Beaver, Lieutenant Gus,
the fireman's, downstairs to see you.
To see me, Dad?
[Ward] Yeah, he says you have a date to go fishing.
(audience laughing)
Fishing?
I don't remember making a date
and anyways I can't go.
I don't think I feel so good.
(audience laughing)
I see, well you just take it easy.
I'll tell him.
Well you little snake.
You had a date to go fishin' all the time.
You were gonna go off and leave me stuck with a pact.
I oughta tell Mom on you.
(car horn beeping)
What was that?
Nothing.
(car horn beeping)
That was another nothing. (Audience laughing)
Somebody's honkin' for somebody.
Hey Beaver, don't you know it's not polite
to stare out a window?
Wally!
It's Chester and Mr. Anderson.
I wonder what they want?
Search me.
Hey Wally!
Hurry up, we'll be late for the football game!
(audience laughing)
I can't go!
Wally, it looks like we're both a couple of sneaks,
doesn't it? (Audience laughing)
(happy music)
Oh Ward, isn't it wonderful?
Yeah, I love liverwurst. (Audience laughing)
Oh, I mean the boys!
The way they've gotten along today!
They spent the whole day together in their room.
Well they sure have.
The whole day.
Now why do you say it like that?
You're always so cynical.
Well if you had a sister who bounced rocks off your head,
every hour on the hour, you'd be cynical too.
(audience laughing)
Hey Beaver, get your feet off my bed.
It's half my bed!
Well then get your feet on your own half!
(audience laughing)
I don't want to.
Now look, Beav.
Don't give me any trouble,
you made me miss a good football game.
You made me miss goin' fishin' with Gus!
I don't care, get your feet off!
Make me.
(audience laughing)
Ow!
(muffled thumping)
The sound you just heard signals the end
of the brotherhood pact.
Well they're fighting!
Uh huh.
But why?
Well Wally was going to a football game
with Chester Anderson and Beaver was going fishing
with Lieutenant Gus.
(muffled arguing)
Oh but after they signed the pact and they promised!
Let go of my hair!
I'd have a brother, why'd it have to be an ape like you?
You're a bigger ape!
(muffled thumping)
Oh Ward, I just failed as a parent!
From the sound of things,
I'd say they were succeeding as children.
(audience laughing)
Where's the mustard?
[Beaver] Get off me, you big
Oh Ward, Ward, please do something.
They'll hurt each other.
Well I always felt these things sort
of worked themselves out, but if you insist.
(muffled thumping)
Thank you, dear.
And Ward!
You'll have my promise I'll never listen
to another Arab again.
(audience laughing)
(triumphant music)
(happy music)
(audience laughing)
Hi, Gus.
Oh, it's you, Beaver.
You stood me up yesterday.
I didn't mean to stood ya up, Gus.
Well ya see Gus, it was kinda my fault.
Yeah, me and Wally had to stay home and have a fight.
(audience laughing)
Don't tell me you two fellas don't like each other?
Well, sometimes we do and sometimes we don't.
But it all evens out.
Uh huh.
You know fellas, I was just thinkin' about
that new Cape Cod dinghy of mine.
It's sittin' down there in Miller's pond right now.
Sittin' there all by itself.
Thinkin' of goin' fishin', Gus?
No, no.
No, I gotta hang around here.
Never tell when this whole town might go up in flames.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, I guess so.
Y'know I was just thinkin', Beaver,
you and your brother just might make a man and a half,
in that boat and still leave room for the fish.
(audience laughing)
Oh boy!
Yeah Wally?
Sure Beav!
Thanks a lot Gus!
Let's go home and get our poles!
(happy upbeat music)
(comical music)