Level Up (2012) s01e06 Episode Script

- [creature squeaking]
- There!
Get him!
Tulta Munille!
[all yelling]
Gotcha!
Yes.
Really?
- [sighs]
- Ah, nerts!
Okay.
- [Dante] Lyle
- What?
I'm bored. You're up.
Crawling around isn't really
the Hugginson style.
[screams]
What is under the Brontosaurus?
- Show no mercy!
- [squeaking continues]
By the booty box!
Oh!
Ah!
Girls win!
Woo!
Yeah. All right.
Finally I can join that rat race
everybody's been talking about.
I think that is an expression
for a 9:00-to-5:00 job, Dante.
Uh, no.
In the sewers, it's like
horse racing for fancy hobos.
Finders keepers.
Now let's see what we got.
[screaming]
[screaming]
[Wyatt]
What? A hamster?
Man, that thing was crazy
fast for a hamster.
Who cares?
It's small. Let's flush it.
Maybe it's super fast
because it ate some plutonium.
- And if it bites me
- Plutonium.
I'll become hamster man.
Or you could just get rabies.
- [chomp]
- [all] Oh!
I was hoping for more
of a gentle nip.
He's so scary and bitey.
I love it.
I'm taking it home.
Yeah, just keep thatlittle
nasty away from me.
Keep what away from you?
- Angie, I'm not
playing with you. Stop.
- This? This?
Don't play. Stop.
Keep it away.
[yelling]
What, are you making pancakes
for lunch today?
Nope, this is Charlie.
He's my flour baby.
Yeah, I have to carry him around
for 24 hours for health class.
[lullaby]
[bag drops]
[both]
Oh!
So you can experience
the wonders of parenthood.
Uh, no. So I can experience all
the wonders of getting an A.
It's amazing how much
he looks like you.
- Pasty and shapeless.
- Oh.
You guys have to see this.
- [Wyatt] Oh.
- [squeaking]
I really hope that's
a new pair of shoes.
[laughs]
Well
Forget it. I'm out.
Okay, I'll show it
to the big kids.
Oh.
You gave him a makeover?
Nope, no. He did
that on his own.
He gave himself a makeover?
No, he just changed.
Do you think it's a leak?
Nothing is coming up
on my leak detection app.
Then what is it?
I don't know. But if we
don't find out soon,
I'm gonna take it to
my Dad's car wash.
And you know what happens
when I take stuff there.
You get your grubby paws off
his adorable little paws.
I'll just ask Max.
He'll be here later.
At school?
As the face of these hallowed
halls of learning,
- I am happy to present
- [yawning]
the new Max Ross Computer Lab
and Youth Programming Center.
I'll cut the ribbon.
Oh!
[applause]
Whoo!
Hoo-hoo.
Man, that's gonna be a mess
for somebody to clean up.
That's me.
Why do I get so excited
at these events?
Hmm.
- Mm!
- [grunts]
[Wyatt]
You're positive it's not some
sort of mutant freak
from one of your weird
bioengineering experiments?
Positive.
I keep all my mutant freaks
under lock and key
in my private krypto zoo.
They almost never escape.
So what is it?
I'm not sure, but
[squealing]
It appears it might be made
[loud squealing]
with components from my game.
You can tell what things
are made of by shaking them?
- No, that was just
revenge for mocking me.
- [hamster groans]
The only way to tell what
something's really made of
is by cutting them open
with a giant sword.
Not Mr. Dimples!
[gasps]
That's it.
I am done improving young minds.
[sighs]
Huh.
Not Mr. Dimples!
If it bleeds code,
then it's a leak.
If it bleeds blood,
then it's a tragic shame.
But at least
the mystery is solved.
[grunts]
- Oh!
- [growling]
Maldark lives!
[laughs]
- Definitely a leak.
- [yells]
[growling]
- Get him!
- The baby!
- [screams]
- [squeaking]
Well, I guess we know
who made that thing.
- Who?
- Just
Well, Lyle,
when a mommy hamster
and a daddy vampire
love each other very much,
they make a baby hampire.
No.
Maldark must have
created the hampire.
Maldark? You mean the evil
wizard who is responsible
for all these Internet leaks?
The cramp who
almost destroyed us
and the entire world?
No, Maldark Cunningham
who works at the roller rink.
- [sighs]
- Yes, that Maldark!
Gosh, shingles and gutters,
that guy is crazy!
- We gotta get out of here.
- No, no.
We gotta go find the hampire,
and then we have to bard it
before school starts tomorrow.
Listen, men.
We've got 12 hours
to find a giant,
probably blood-sucking hamster
before it destroys my computers.
[all]
Oh.
I'm not going to lie to you.
There's a good chance
some of you are
gonna get your face
chewed off in the process.
Those are gonna be
the lucky ones.
What?
The important thing, though,
is to protect my face.
That's no way
to go through life--
just muscle and eyeballs.
[Dante]
I'm okay with that.
Let's do this.
- Charge!
- [all yell]
And why did Maldark
create a leak
that was so cute
and then so freaky scary?
If I were Maldark, and in a way
I am since I designed him,
I would leak a creature
to cozy up to my enemy,
spy on them,
and report back to me.
[coughs]
Harry Potter.
- Who?
- [Lyle] Well, whatever
it's up to
it is bad news,
and somebody's got to go get it.
And by somebody,
I mean definitely not me.
- [thudding]
- [screams]
[all yelling]
Hey.
- Oh.
- [laughs]
I wasn't making myself
a candlelit dinner.
[chuckling]
Okay, maybe it was
a romantic dinner for one.
But I earned it, dang it.
Cleaning up all you
kids' messes all day.
What are you all doing here
at this hour anyway?
Uh, we're, uh--
Our, uh-- Max.
Mutant leak hunting.
[mumbling]
I think he means
rodent hunting, right?
- I don't.
- Shh.
Okay.
- Mouse loose.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm going to get my mop.
[Dante laughs]
You're gonna need more
than a mop for this mouse.
Yeah.
[all scream]
Why does every adult in this
school carry a sword, man?
Public schools, man.
[laughs]
Okay. Got it.
I don't think he's in there.
I know, but I should have had
dinner four hours ago.
And I'm hungry, and I'm not
thinking straight,
and I'm not happy.
Trust me, no one here is happy!
Free eats. Nice.
[hums]
[loud crunching]
You eat like a rat.
That's it.
That's a tissue.
No, no. To catch a rat,
one must eat like a rat,
one must think like a rat,
and one must
shimmy through small
spaces like a rat.
How did I get paired up
with you?
Some people are
just lucky, Angie.
[mutters]
[alarm beeps]
[baby crying]
Ah, man.
Feeding time again?
If I have kids, I am never
going to feed them.
What are you talking about?
Look at that sack of joy, man.
Look at that cute
little smile, man.
That is not a smile.
It's marker.
Man, that's your son
you're talking about.
Look at him.
Yeah. Okay,
he's kind of cute.
All right.
You using a bottle now?
No, no, no, you gotta
do that au naturel.
Let me show you the proper
latching technique.
You know what, Dave?
You are the kind of weird
that no matter what
we see tonight,
people are going
to ignore you when you try
to tell them about it.
I spent a lot of time
with toxic cleaning supplies.
What are you going to do?
[whimpering]
Pull it together, Lyle.
You remind me of me.
And not the "suave, rich,
robot-fighting" me.
"The CIA is tunneling
into my basement" me.
What?
Either get back to
being a quarterback,
or we're breaking up.
Look, I can handle a troll,
an ogre, okay?
And even a giant.
But any little nasty
that scurries
just freaks me out.
- [hamster squeaking]
- [screams]
Get away! Get away!
Oh!
My beautiful face.
I'm out of here.
Going ninja style.
Coming with, or crawling back
into the box of shame?
Box of shame.
I'll cover you and pray.
[Asian]
Max.
Oh, no. Man down.
- Oh.
- Hey, look what I found.
[sighs]
I'm going to go spread them
around the school.
Okay.
[screams]
Max?
[whoosh]
Was that a happy scream
or a scared scream?
I know what kind of scream
this one is.
[screaming]
Now, this is what you need.
Oh, Charlie's not old enough
for toys like that.
Looks like there are tiny parts
he can swallow.
I like the way
you're thinking, Wyatt.
But it's not a toy,
and it's not for Charlie.
- Hmm?
- It's for getting
rid of rodents.
We in the trade
call this a reverse Pied Piper.
It uses sound to drive
the rodents away.
Okay.
Are there any directions?
I don't know.
I threw those away.
They're too bossy.
I just figured it out myself.
[chuckles]
How do you think I got
the rats out of the cafeteria
and into the gym?
- Interesting.
It uses ultrasonic frequencies.
- [whoosh]
A system of switches
and knobular things.
Cool.
[chuckles]
- Pete?
- [distant growl]
Oh, that's not good.
- And you thought this was
a bad idea.
- No. No!
I thought you climbing
on my head to get in here
was a bad idea.
- [grunting]
- I know this is a bad idea.
Oh, yeah?
If it's so bad,
why would I find these?
Ew. Gross. What is that?
- Hampire droppings.
- Why don't you put that down?
No wonder you get pinkeye
so often.
- You know, you just can't
go around picking up--
- [whoosh]
They're still warm, Angie.
They're practically steaming,
which means he's nearby.
Ha-ha on you.
Angie?
[high-pitched voice]
Angie?
[all screaming]
- Where's Max? Where's Angie?
- [whimpering]
- Gone.
- And gone.
- Dave too.
- Everyone's gone, man!
- And we're next!
- [gasps]
[yelling]
The whole school is next!
It's almost morning.
This calls for
decisive action.
- I'm gonna go
hide in my locker.
- No.
Let me know when
that guy's big again,
then I'll come out and fight.
Lyle, move over.
I'm coming!
[grunting]
I'm getting outta here!
This is madness.
[sinister laughter]
[sniffing]
[sinister laughter]
[chattering]
- I don't want to die!
- Okay.
- Oh!
- More!
That's it. We're done for.
School's about to start.
That thing is gonna scream.
Then it's gonna gnaw everyone
to the bone!
It's all over, Dante!
Wyatt, it's all over!
[gasping]
Snap out of it! Shh.
Oh!
Ow! What did you
do that for?
I don't know. Look, we got
to stop with the slapping, okay?
But I haven't
slapped anybody yet.
Guys, we got to do something.
We're the only ones left.
Max, Angie, Dave--
they're all missing.
And possibly missing
their faces.
- [whimpering]
- Well, if he's eaten
their faces,
- then I know where
they're gonna end up.
- [Lyle] Where?
- Where?
- In the vents.
- It poos in the vents.
- The vents, of course!
That's how it's been
avoiding us.
Okay, okay.
I've got a plan.
- I've got a plan too.
- What?
[groans]
My plan is different.
This thing uses high-pitched
sounds to scare away rodents.
We can use it to drive
the hampire out of the vents.
But the only problem is
Dave's the only one
who knows how to work it.
- Is it on or off?
- I don't know.
It only works on
small rodent brains.
- [high-pitched whir]
- [yells] Turn it off!
- Turn it off!
- Phew.
- I think it's on.
- Time to make
a morning announcement.
[feedback]
- You want to test me
- [yelling]
You want it, fine
Make it tough
like you made it rhyme ♪
3:00 in the back
of the school ♪
I take the crowd
in my drowning pool ♪
You better rock
to the blade of blood ♪
You want to tempt me
You want to wreck me
You want to tempt me
[rumbling]
- [thudding]
- [growling]
There!
It's headed for Max's lab!
Follow him!
[growling]
[growling continues]
[all yell]
[Lyle]
Oh!
[all screaming]
[laughs]
- [growls]
- [screaming]
- [whirring]
- Oh!
Aahh!
- Hey!
- Oh, my baby!
Whoa!
[screaming]
No!
[growls]
- [growls]
- Behind you!
[laughs]
- [grunts]
- [groans]
[crying]
[grunting]
[giggling]
Tulta Munille!
[growls]
[all laughing]
- [Lyle] Hey! That's right!
- [growling]
Never Feel's
got you cornered, son!
You're not all bad now that
you're big and humanish.
[roars]
- [squeaking]
- [screaming]
[Lyle yelling]
- [whirring]
- [yells]
- [exclaims]
- [relieved sigh]
- [grunts]
- What's up?
That's what I'm talking
about, right there, bro.
Aww.
- Dante.
- Give 'em the shoe.
Oh.
[sniffs]
Ugh.
Mm. Oh!
Wh-Where am I?
And why does it smell
like mushroom sauerkraut?
[gags]
Ugh!
You gave me
the shoe, didn't you?
Oh, man.
Charlie's been hurt.
Yeah!
- The rat?
- Yeah, the rat.
Uh, but we took care of him,
thanks to you
and the reverse Pied Piper.
You mind telling me
what I'm doing here?
- Uh--
- Uh, you passed out.
Huh. Must have been
'cause I didn't eat supper.
Mm. Yup.
Low blood sugar.
It happens.
- [bell ringing]
- [whimpering]
Ohh!
Charlie died saving my life.
And I lost an awesome pet.
He loved grapes
and didn't like Dante.
- Yeah.
- We had so much in common.
Guess that's just
the price we pay
for saving Daventry Hills
on a daily basis!
- What!
- Well, you better be prepared
to pay even more,
because Maldark
has stepped up his game.
You know, after all this,
I'm kind of excited
about teaching
my first computer class.
- Hmm.
- Ohh!
About that, Max.
My baby! Ohh!
Seriously, best-tasting
baby ever!
I got to admit, though,
I do feel a little guilty
enjoying the little guy
so much.
Oh, eat up.
Charlie would want it this way.
It's what he was born to do.
- To Charlie.
- To Charlie.
Here's to you, kid.