Mr. D (2012) s01e06 Episode Script
The Dance
1
Sir, did you watch wrestling yesterday?
No I did not, Jonathan,
because wrestling is not real.
Sir, are you kidding me?
Sir, are you going to
talk about the homework?
Sheila, I'm in the middle of a
conversation with Jonathan.
Sir, I promise you it is very real,
I do that stuff
all the time with
my little brother.
Ok, come on up here Jonathan.
I'm going to let Jonathan do one
of his "wrestling" moves
to show you people that wrestling is fake,
and here we go.
Show me what you got
Oh there it is that's
Oh, my god. Students gasp.
It's alright, don't worry,
I only put a light sleeper on him.
What are you doing? Sit.
Are you ok, Sir?
What are you doing?
Am I ok? Stop fooling around.
Sit down everybody.
Get back to work.
Ah, Sir, did you watch
wrestling yesterday?
No, I did not Jonathan,
because wrestling is not real.
Sir, wrestling is very real.
Are you kidding me?
Me and my brother do that
kind of stuff all the time.
Alright Jonathan, come on up here,
I'm going to let Jonathan do one
of his "wrestling" moves on me.
Let's see what you got tough guy.
Come on in girls. No glasses?
I never wear them to play sports.
Simon, you're not playing.
I was thinking of getting in
there and scrimmaging a bit.
No, remember what
happened last time?
No.
What do you got goin on with the shirt today?
Gretzky. Gretzky.
Alright girls in order to start playing
like a team you need to look like a team.
Which is why Simon, Simon, which
is why I make these announcements.
Which is why I, by myself,
went out and bought you
your own tracksuits.
Yeah! Yes! For everybody.
Really? We're all getting one?
Even the bad players?
Strap, there are no bad
players only weaker players,
and yes you are getting one
and so is Lucy as well.
You're also going to get
matching game shirts.
Will our names be on the jerseys?
Your names will be on the shirts,
just like the WNBA players,
except it'll be your,
your first name.
But Sir, the WNBA players
have their last names on them.
But Lucy DeBenedictis,
WNBA players make thousands
a dollars a year
so they can afford to have names like
DeBenedictis, which they don't have anyway.
Quanitra Hollingsworth on
Minnesota has a pretty long name.
Ok, so there's a good example,
maybe of one.
Courtney Vandersloot
on Chicago's another one.
Well then perhaps Mr. Hunt,
you would like to pay
for the extra letters so they can
have their full names on the jerseys.
I would not. I didn't think so.
Now, here is a sample,
this is mine "Coach"
to show you what
they will look like.
It doesn't fit.
No, it doesn't fit.
Ok, well yours will fit and you
will start to look like a real team
and hopefully play like one, alright?
So go get warmed up.
Why does it not?
Women's, women's large.
I wear a women's large,
can I have it?
Yeah, could you have it?
Are you the coach?
Ahhh, I am not the coach.
No, no and never will be.
You know what? Sue Bird would have
been a good name for a jersey.
Nice and short.
Freaking me out with all this knowledge.
Played for Seattle, one of the best ever.
Yeah, reimbursement for what?
For the $1500 I spent out
of my own pocket for the girls'
tracksuits and I don't want to call
myself a hero but they were pretty excited.
Oh, we don't have that kind of money,
and even if we did
you have to go through approval
before you can order those kinds of things.
Let's pretend I got the
approval and send it in to the
person who does the approvals.
I do the approvals.
Oh, so you gonna approve this?
No, I'm not gonna.
No, you know why?
'Cause you're sexist.
It's a girls team.
If it was a boys team you would.
Right, yeah.
I'm a woman who's sexist Gerry.
Now read my lips we
don't have the money ok?
And that is why women should
not control the money, Bobbi.
Ok, that is sexist.
Yes, it is.
Knock, knock. Am I interrupting?
No, not at all.
I need you to sign this.
Ok, what's wrong?
You don't wanna know.
Ok.
I had this dream last night about Trudy.
Yeah, I don't want to know.
I was lying in this field
way out in the country and,
and Trudy was lying there too.
Wow, Robert I really don't
wanna know any of this.
You're right, it's too much to share.
Yeah.
Isn't it?
I need some better ideas guys, this,
this pinata, unless it's full of money
not, not gonna do it.
Why can't we have a bake sale?
We've already gone through this,
we can't have a bake sale,
bake sales don't raise
a lot of money.
How 'bout a cookie sale?
Stephan, how do you make cookies?
I don't know.
You bake 'em same thing.
I need a really good idea.
Oh, at my birthday party,
I was given lots of money.
Maybe we could throw
a birthday party.
Does anyone have a parent
that could just donate $1500?
That would be, that would
be a good fundraiser.
My mom and dad gave me
$100 for my birthday party.
There we go. Thank you. $1400 now.
At my cousin's school,
the football team organized a big dance.
They raised a ton of money.
There's our idea.
We gonna do a dance. Nice work.
There were a million people there.
No, there were not.
We're gonna have a dance kids.
Can we make the posters?
Yes Strap, you can make the posters.
How 'bout the tickets?
Make the tickets during class time.
Yay! Yeah!
It will take about three or four days.
Can we go? No.
Why can't we go?
Because dancing leads to kissing.
My mommy told me that
kissing leads to babies.
Sometimes. Yes, Stephan?
Sir, I think sex leads to babies.
Ok.
Robert dreamt we were in a field?
Yeah.
That's great. Could you imagine
having sex anywhere with Robert?
Actually, this is the best
news I've had all year.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna play with him a little bit.
I'm gonna come onto him
like a teenager at a prom.
It's gonna be messy and quick
and I'll probably regret it.
I am so gonna get fired
for telling you all of this.
Oh, Lisa no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't you worry.
It'll be worth it.
Attention girls, we have a gig.
I mean these girls, not you.
Ticket, tickets? Oh, Sam!
You're not buying a ticket to the dance?
Uh Sir, I don't think I'm going to go.
You're not?
Oh you're shy you don't want to ask
Girls! Yeah, what's up?
Which one of you lucky ladies
would like to go to the dance with Sam?
It's not funny Tina.
Well, Sam's gay Sir. See ya, Sam.
That is not nice Tina.
Sir, it's true.
What? Why wouldn't you
tell me something like that?
Sir, you never asked. You're
supposed to just tell teachers that stuff.
Well, it's, it's ok to be gay.
It's, it's certainly caught on.
There's weddings now,
there's parades.
In fact, there were no gay
people in the world before 1980.
I don't think that's true, Sir.
Oh, try to think of somebody,
who was gay before 1980? Nobody.
Elton John, maybe, but he didn't
even know then. Now there's lots
like you and because you're gay
doesn't mean you miss the dance.
You are coming to the dance.
I'm gonna get you a ticket Sam!
Ah man, you shouldn't be back here,
you don't even work here anymore.
I just don't get why people
aren't going to this dance.
When I was in school
I went to every dance.
I never missed a dance, why
won't people buy tickets.
I think it's 'cause guys like
you really love going to dances.
Ah, that's funny.
Well that's why I know how to dance
'cause I went to dances.
What are you saying, I can't?
No What? I, oh I can dance.
Does this mean anything to you?
It's the only move you have.
What happens if the song gets fast?
I got this.
Yeah, it's the same move Bill,
and when it slows down?
No it's more make it sensual.
No, it's not.
So bad. The teeth.
No, no, it's good man.
Man you want a good dance all
you need is two things, you need
cool kids and good music, that's it.
You just gave me a good idea
You want me to DJ.
No, I gotta get the cool kid
to come to the dance and
they'll bring everybody else,
and I need a DJ. Right, $100.
$50. Done. Let's do a shot.
Deal. Let's do a shot!
Celebrate that I get all the money back
Now we're talking.
That I spent on the dance.
A toast, ok?
Are you serious? Take that one.
Ok, you gonna? Ok No.
Just
Just do it.
Can't breathe, can't breathe,
can't breathe.
Sir, I think I'm going to the dance.
Oh, you found someone?
Yeah, but I haven't asked him yet.
Ah, you're too shy.
What is he on a scale of one to ten?
He's like a ten.
Mmm that's a little outta your league,
ok, ah, wow a ten in the gay.
See in the straight
world I'm a 7.5 looks,
but I'm a 9.5 personality,
so I play my personality more.
What do you think I'd
be in the gay community?
You'd be, like, a four. A four?
Maybe a five, maybe it's
because I know you're not gay.
Pretend I'm gay, hold on.
Oh sir, now you're a ten!
See how that works?
See I could be gay if I wanted.
Ok, let me give you some advice, you're
a six looks, but you're a 9.5 personality.
You need to play the personality
more. If you wanna get a 10
and you're only a six looks you
can't let him see you for awhile.
Email him, phone him, text him.
As many things as you can,
let him get to know your great personality.
Ok, once he falls in love with you
for your personality
the looks part won't matter,
and a six/ten difference won't
be as big a deal.
Ok? Go. Go get 'em.
Alright, thanks Sir.
Know how many gay
men I could get if I was gay.
Something to think about
No, it's not something to think about
Here are the permission forms
for the grade seven field trip.
Hmm, warm in here. Don't you find?
No. It's a temperature
controlled environment.
Sometimes it's good to lose control,
Robert.
Yeah, well, the school has pretty
strict protocol on that kind of thing.
Mmmm protocols
Anything else? Nope.
What's up bijizzles? Hey, Sir.
What's goin' on Noah?
You guys just chill-axing?
How's life at St. Pat's?
Good I guess.
Good, you guys coming to the dance?
I didn't think other schools
were allowed to go to our dances.
Yeah, who told you that? I dunno.
Exactly, how do you think you're
gonna meet girls from other schools?
Or maybe guys, I dunno.
Doesn't matter.
So we can come?
Yeah you can come. It's what we want.
Are you sure?
Because if we get the word out there we can
get lots of other kids to come.
That's what I want and the girls at Xavier
are way hotter than the girls
at St ok that
Ok that shouldn't come tell them the
girls are hotter at our school than theirs.
And the, ah, girls at our school are hotter
compared to the girls at your school.
Ok, well that's, probably
shouldn't say that.
See ya at the dance. Pound it out.
Joshua Tree, what's up.
All right, I get it. Ok.
Come here. It gets better ok?
Lots of hot guys
at our school too.
Alright, cool.
Is that the mascot of St. Pat's?
Leprechaun? Yeah?
Lucky Charms, Keep eating your
Lucky Charms. You'll get bigger.
Well, how are the sales?
Better, if we're lucky we might make it.
Wait till the St. Pat's
kids start showin' up
and they tell their friends.
St. Pat's kids?
They're not allowed in.
Oh yes they are.
Well, someone should tell Callaghan
that 'cause I heard it from him.
Callaghan said that? Yeah.
Why would he say that?
That's how you make a dance.
You have to have kids from other schools.
Otherwise the dance sucks.
We have a bad history with those kids.
Fights, property damage,
name calling,
lots of name calling.
They don't show up, we're not gonna
make any money, they're showing up.
I'm sorry, I'll deal with it.
Oh, sorry girls, we're sold out.
Sorry. Yeah, come earlier next time.
Sorry guys.
We're not sold out.
Why'd you do that?
Told the St. Pat's kids
we'd have good looking
girls at the dance.
I can't have the Manson Family
freak show showing up.
- Mmm.
- 'Cause they'll cause damage,
maybe murder.
St. Pat's huh? Ok.
Lewis the loser has arrived.
What was that?
Ok, that's enough. No problems in there
Ok guys.
Tonight please, ok?
Be cool please dudes, yup.
Told ya this was risky.
That coulda cost us a $1000.
Simon, that does not cost a $1000.
- Ok.
- And if there's a problem we'll kick them out.
Gotcha.
Trudy. Hello
That feels better. Good.
Appreciate you staying
late to get that done.
It is my pleasure to stay after
hours if you know what I mean.
Everything alright?
Well it's a little warm in here isn't it?
I'd probably feel better if I
was lying in a field.
In a field
I know you had a sex
dream about me Robert.
What? Don't give me that.
Lisa told me about the field,
me lying there.
Yeah dead! What?
So many wolves Trudy. I, I tried to
stop them, but I couldn't. They killed you.
And there was a
funeral and I sang.
So, it wasn't a, uh, sex dream?
Not totally.
Wait, is that what this is about?
Nope.
Yeah, you thought come here tonight
and have a big bowl of Cheeley O's huh?
Stop that.
What? I hurt your Cheelings?
Come on Trudy, I could never be with
you after what those wolves did to you.
What a way to go.
Don't you have a dance you have to supervise?
Yeah, but this is way more fun.
Unless of course they're gonna
play a little Cheeley Dan.
DJ's coming.
He'll be here any minute.
DJ'll be here soon guys, just hang tight.
Grab a drink
some chips, text your friends,
lots of room.
Still selling tickets at the door.
Hey, man. 7:00 I said.
Yeah. Oh yeah, ya did.
Well, hurry up.
Alright and you owe me 50 bucks.
Music starts
That's what I'm paying for?
Yeah, that's it.
Pretty sweet scam eh?
It's not a sweet scam
why did I get all this?
I have no idea.
I think probably
this goes side to side.
Oh, man Bill.
Sam! Hey, Mr. D.
Who's this? This is Kyle.
Hey Kyle. Hey Mr. Duncan.
You don't even look gay.
So that's
I never would have thought.
Than thanks?
Yeah, anyway have fun.
Glad you guys made it.
Yeah, hey, quick question. Yeah?
That's a ten? No, no he's a seven.
The ten said no.
'Cause I would never give that a ten.
Ah, don't worry about it,
at least you're moving up a notch.
I had a ten say no to me once.
I saw her about four years ago,
she's about a four. That's what
six kids'll do to ya.
So maybe that ten that
said no to you, one day
they'll look bad because
they'll have six kid
Forget it, have fun, ok?
Good job, Sam.
New dance song.
Music plays.
You can't do that.
Stop looking like a dork.
Noah, what are you doing
here with a St. Pat's girl?
Just back off, Lewis!
What's wrong with a St. Pat's girl?
Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?
Seriously.
Ignore him guys. Wanna go?
Come on, Lewis. Let's do this.
Ok, ok hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey excuse me.
That's enough, Lewis get out of here.
Noah go!
Things are getting ugly.
Yeah, thanks, Simon.
Mr. Duncan!
Why are there students from
St. Pat's at an Xavier dance?
I didn't know they were St. Pat's students.
Way to do your job.
Yeah
I bet Callaghan's gonna love to hear this
when I tell him. Well, make sure
you also tell him that the vice principal
didn't help at the door, leaving
two newer teachers at Xavier
to try and recognize
every kid in the city.
Well, guess the spider's
laid it's web then, huh?
Spiders don't lay web, they lay eggs.
They spin webs.
Spiders don't sp
lay eggs they
No, spiders do lay eggs,
they don't lay web.
Spiders don't lay web, they lay eggs.
Is that right?
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Gentlemen,
I know what spiders do
and don't do.
Checkmate, you're move.
If it's checkmate
you don't get a move.
I've played chess before.
Bill, I need you to calm the
kids down and play a slow song.
Oh, I don't think I have a slow song man.
How do you not have a slow song?
Gerry, I barely recognize
any of these kids, do you?
Not now Lisa. Oh! This is Lisa?
Oh see. He said you were
average looking.
Oh, really? Average, that's nice.
I did that for your sake, trust me.
Find me a slow song Bill.
I'll find a slow song if Lisa
wants to dance with me.
Oh no, that would be
totally inappropriate.
Inappropriate?
Yeah, he's told me a lot about you.
You're a busy man.
Ok, busy guy. Ok, busy. Play a slow song.
I'm looking, I'm looking.
I need a slow song Bill, right away.
Fight, fight,
Oh god, here we go again.
Kill the music Bill
Hey, hey, break it up, break it up.
That's enough.
Break - it - uuuuuup!
You guys gotta go, man.
What? Why? 'Cause, it's too
many problems with St. Pat's here.
Well there's a good reason right there.
We don't drink at our school.
This dance sucks anyway.
Nice one, bud.
Come on, you guys. Go relax for a bit.
It's supposed to be a dance people.
It's not a fight, it's a dance.
Why is nobody dancing?
Am I the only person that can
dance here? Nobody can dance?
Play something, Bill.
Dance music starts.
Music continues.
Music continues.
Music continues.
I did that, man. I did that move.
I got this, Gerry.
Sucker DJ.
Well, way to diffuse a bomb, Mr. Duncan.
That's what I do, Mr. Cheeley.
Ya know I've been known on
occasion to back that thing up myself.
Just if you ever need a backup dancer.
You're a dancer?
To some people, dancing is a
creative outlet, to me it's a lifestyle.
I think we did ok.
Might have even made some extra money.
No Awesome! Xavier sucks!
Sound of glass shattering
That was a window.
Maybe we broke even.
More glass shattering.
That sounded like a bigger window
Yeah, that was bigger.
You're gonna have to
give me half the money for
those track suits and stuff. Why?
'Cause we're co-coaches.
I'm an assistant coach,
you made that very clear.
Now we're co-coaches, ok?
I don't want the position.
Sir, did you watch wrestling yesterday?
No I did not, Jonathan,
because wrestling is not real.
Sir, are you kidding me?
Sir, are you going to
talk about the homework?
Sheila, I'm in the middle of a
conversation with Jonathan.
Sir, I promise you it is very real,
I do that stuff
all the time with
my little brother.
Ok, come on up here Jonathan.
I'm going to let Jonathan do one
of his "wrestling" moves
to show you people that wrestling is fake,
and here we go.
Show me what you got
Oh there it is that's
Oh, my god. Students gasp.
It's alright, don't worry,
I only put a light sleeper on him.
What are you doing? Sit.
Are you ok, Sir?
What are you doing?
Am I ok? Stop fooling around.
Sit down everybody.
Get back to work.
Ah, Sir, did you watch
wrestling yesterday?
No, I did not Jonathan,
because wrestling is not real.
Sir, wrestling is very real.
Are you kidding me?
Me and my brother do that
kind of stuff all the time.
Alright Jonathan, come on up here,
I'm going to let Jonathan do one
of his "wrestling" moves on me.
Let's see what you got tough guy.
Come on in girls. No glasses?
I never wear them to play sports.
Simon, you're not playing.
I was thinking of getting in
there and scrimmaging a bit.
No, remember what
happened last time?
No.
What do you got goin on with the shirt today?
Gretzky. Gretzky.
Alright girls in order to start playing
like a team you need to look like a team.
Which is why Simon, Simon, which
is why I make these announcements.
Which is why I, by myself,
went out and bought you
your own tracksuits.
Yeah! Yes! For everybody.
Really? We're all getting one?
Even the bad players?
Strap, there are no bad
players only weaker players,
and yes you are getting one
and so is Lucy as well.
You're also going to get
matching game shirts.
Will our names be on the jerseys?
Your names will be on the shirts,
just like the WNBA players,
except it'll be your,
your first name.
But Sir, the WNBA players
have their last names on them.
But Lucy DeBenedictis,
WNBA players make thousands
a dollars a year
so they can afford to have names like
DeBenedictis, which they don't have anyway.
Quanitra Hollingsworth on
Minnesota has a pretty long name.
Ok, so there's a good example,
maybe of one.
Courtney Vandersloot
on Chicago's another one.
Well then perhaps Mr. Hunt,
you would like to pay
for the extra letters so they can
have their full names on the jerseys.
I would not. I didn't think so.
Now, here is a sample,
this is mine "Coach"
to show you what
they will look like.
It doesn't fit.
No, it doesn't fit.
Ok, well yours will fit and you
will start to look like a real team
and hopefully play like one, alright?
So go get warmed up.
Why does it not?
Women's, women's large.
I wear a women's large,
can I have it?
Yeah, could you have it?
Are you the coach?
Ahhh, I am not the coach.
No, no and never will be.
You know what? Sue Bird would have
been a good name for a jersey.
Nice and short.
Freaking me out with all this knowledge.
Played for Seattle, one of the best ever.
Yeah, reimbursement for what?
For the $1500 I spent out
of my own pocket for the girls'
tracksuits and I don't want to call
myself a hero but they were pretty excited.
Oh, we don't have that kind of money,
and even if we did
you have to go through approval
before you can order those kinds of things.
Let's pretend I got the
approval and send it in to the
person who does the approvals.
I do the approvals.
Oh, so you gonna approve this?
No, I'm not gonna.
No, you know why?
'Cause you're sexist.
It's a girls team.
If it was a boys team you would.
Right, yeah.
I'm a woman who's sexist Gerry.
Now read my lips we
don't have the money ok?
And that is why women should
not control the money, Bobbi.
Ok, that is sexist.
Yes, it is.
Knock, knock. Am I interrupting?
No, not at all.
I need you to sign this.
Ok, what's wrong?
You don't wanna know.
Ok.
I had this dream last night about Trudy.
Yeah, I don't want to know.
I was lying in this field
way out in the country and,
and Trudy was lying there too.
Wow, Robert I really don't
wanna know any of this.
You're right, it's too much to share.
Yeah.
Isn't it?
I need some better ideas guys, this,
this pinata, unless it's full of money
not, not gonna do it.
Why can't we have a bake sale?
We've already gone through this,
we can't have a bake sale,
bake sales don't raise
a lot of money.
How 'bout a cookie sale?
Stephan, how do you make cookies?
I don't know.
You bake 'em same thing.
I need a really good idea.
Oh, at my birthday party,
I was given lots of money.
Maybe we could throw
a birthday party.
Does anyone have a parent
that could just donate $1500?
That would be, that would
be a good fundraiser.
My mom and dad gave me
$100 for my birthday party.
There we go. Thank you. $1400 now.
At my cousin's school,
the football team organized a big dance.
They raised a ton of money.
There's our idea.
We gonna do a dance. Nice work.
There were a million people there.
No, there were not.
We're gonna have a dance kids.
Can we make the posters?
Yes Strap, you can make the posters.
How 'bout the tickets?
Make the tickets during class time.
Yay! Yeah!
It will take about three or four days.
Can we go? No.
Why can't we go?
Because dancing leads to kissing.
My mommy told me that
kissing leads to babies.
Sometimes. Yes, Stephan?
Sir, I think sex leads to babies.
Ok.
Robert dreamt we were in a field?
Yeah.
That's great. Could you imagine
having sex anywhere with Robert?
Actually, this is the best
news I've had all year.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna play with him a little bit.
I'm gonna come onto him
like a teenager at a prom.
It's gonna be messy and quick
and I'll probably regret it.
I am so gonna get fired
for telling you all of this.
Oh, Lisa no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't you worry.
It'll be worth it.
Attention girls, we have a gig.
I mean these girls, not you.
Ticket, tickets? Oh, Sam!
You're not buying a ticket to the dance?
Uh Sir, I don't think I'm going to go.
You're not?
Oh you're shy you don't want to ask
Girls! Yeah, what's up?
Which one of you lucky ladies
would like to go to the dance with Sam?
It's not funny Tina.
Well, Sam's gay Sir. See ya, Sam.
That is not nice Tina.
Sir, it's true.
What? Why wouldn't you
tell me something like that?
Sir, you never asked. You're
supposed to just tell teachers that stuff.
Well, it's, it's ok to be gay.
It's, it's certainly caught on.
There's weddings now,
there's parades.
In fact, there were no gay
people in the world before 1980.
I don't think that's true, Sir.
Oh, try to think of somebody,
who was gay before 1980? Nobody.
Elton John, maybe, but he didn't
even know then. Now there's lots
like you and because you're gay
doesn't mean you miss the dance.
You are coming to the dance.
I'm gonna get you a ticket Sam!
Ah man, you shouldn't be back here,
you don't even work here anymore.
I just don't get why people
aren't going to this dance.
When I was in school
I went to every dance.
I never missed a dance, why
won't people buy tickets.
I think it's 'cause guys like
you really love going to dances.
Ah, that's funny.
Well that's why I know how to dance
'cause I went to dances.
What are you saying, I can't?
No What? I, oh I can dance.
Does this mean anything to you?
It's the only move you have.
What happens if the song gets fast?
I got this.
Yeah, it's the same move Bill,
and when it slows down?
No it's more make it sensual.
No, it's not.
So bad. The teeth.
No, no, it's good man.
Man you want a good dance all
you need is two things, you need
cool kids and good music, that's it.
You just gave me a good idea
You want me to DJ.
No, I gotta get the cool kid
to come to the dance and
they'll bring everybody else,
and I need a DJ. Right, $100.
$50. Done. Let's do a shot.
Deal. Let's do a shot!
Celebrate that I get all the money back
Now we're talking.
That I spent on the dance.
A toast, ok?
Are you serious? Take that one.
Ok, you gonna? Ok No.
Just
Just do it.
Can't breathe, can't breathe,
can't breathe.
Sir, I think I'm going to the dance.
Oh, you found someone?
Yeah, but I haven't asked him yet.
Ah, you're too shy.
What is he on a scale of one to ten?
He's like a ten.
Mmm that's a little outta your league,
ok, ah, wow a ten in the gay.
See in the straight
world I'm a 7.5 looks,
but I'm a 9.5 personality,
so I play my personality more.
What do you think I'd
be in the gay community?
You'd be, like, a four. A four?
Maybe a five, maybe it's
because I know you're not gay.
Pretend I'm gay, hold on.
Oh sir, now you're a ten!
See how that works?
See I could be gay if I wanted.
Ok, let me give you some advice, you're
a six looks, but you're a 9.5 personality.
You need to play the personality
more. If you wanna get a 10
and you're only a six looks you
can't let him see you for awhile.
Email him, phone him, text him.
As many things as you can,
let him get to know your great personality.
Ok, once he falls in love with you
for your personality
the looks part won't matter,
and a six/ten difference won't
be as big a deal.
Ok? Go. Go get 'em.
Alright, thanks Sir.
Know how many gay
men I could get if I was gay.
Something to think about
No, it's not something to think about
Here are the permission forms
for the grade seven field trip.
Hmm, warm in here. Don't you find?
No. It's a temperature
controlled environment.
Sometimes it's good to lose control,
Robert.
Yeah, well, the school has pretty
strict protocol on that kind of thing.
Mmmm protocols
Anything else? Nope.
What's up bijizzles? Hey, Sir.
What's goin' on Noah?
You guys just chill-axing?
How's life at St. Pat's?
Good I guess.
Good, you guys coming to the dance?
I didn't think other schools
were allowed to go to our dances.
Yeah, who told you that? I dunno.
Exactly, how do you think you're
gonna meet girls from other schools?
Or maybe guys, I dunno.
Doesn't matter.
So we can come?
Yeah you can come. It's what we want.
Are you sure?
Because if we get the word out there we can
get lots of other kids to come.
That's what I want and the girls at Xavier
are way hotter than the girls
at St ok that
Ok that shouldn't come tell them the
girls are hotter at our school than theirs.
And the, ah, girls at our school are hotter
compared to the girls at your school.
Ok, well that's, probably
shouldn't say that.
See ya at the dance. Pound it out.
Joshua Tree, what's up.
All right, I get it. Ok.
Come here. It gets better ok?
Lots of hot guys
at our school too.
Alright, cool.
Is that the mascot of St. Pat's?
Leprechaun? Yeah?
Lucky Charms, Keep eating your
Lucky Charms. You'll get bigger.
Well, how are the sales?
Better, if we're lucky we might make it.
Wait till the St. Pat's
kids start showin' up
and they tell their friends.
St. Pat's kids?
They're not allowed in.
Oh yes they are.
Well, someone should tell Callaghan
that 'cause I heard it from him.
Callaghan said that? Yeah.
Why would he say that?
That's how you make a dance.
You have to have kids from other schools.
Otherwise the dance sucks.
We have a bad history with those kids.
Fights, property damage,
name calling,
lots of name calling.
They don't show up, we're not gonna
make any money, they're showing up.
I'm sorry, I'll deal with it.
Oh, sorry girls, we're sold out.
Sorry. Yeah, come earlier next time.
Sorry guys.
We're not sold out.
Why'd you do that?
Told the St. Pat's kids
we'd have good looking
girls at the dance.
I can't have the Manson Family
freak show showing up.
- Mmm.
- 'Cause they'll cause damage,
maybe murder.
St. Pat's huh? Ok.
Lewis the loser has arrived.
What was that?
Ok, that's enough. No problems in there
Ok guys.
Tonight please, ok?
Be cool please dudes, yup.
Told ya this was risky.
That coulda cost us a $1000.
Simon, that does not cost a $1000.
- Ok.
- And if there's a problem we'll kick them out.
Gotcha.
Trudy. Hello
That feels better. Good.
Appreciate you staying
late to get that done.
It is my pleasure to stay after
hours if you know what I mean.
Everything alright?
Well it's a little warm in here isn't it?
I'd probably feel better if I
was lying in a field.
In a field
I know you had a sex
dream about me Robert.
What? Don't give me that.
Lisa told me about the field,
me lying there.
Yeah dead! What?
So many wolves Trudy. I, I tried to
stop them, but I couldn't. They killed you.
And there was a
funeral and I sang.
So, it wasn't a, uh, sex dream?
Not totally.
Wait, is that what this is about?
Nope.
Yeah, you thought come here tonight
and have a big bowl of Cheeley O's huh?
Stop that.
What? I hurt your Cheelings?
Come on Trudy, I could never be with
you after what those wolves did to you.
What a way to go.
Don't you have a dance you have to supervise?
Yeah, but this is way more fun.
Unless of course they're gonna
play a little Cheeley Dan.
DJ's coming.
He'll be here any minute.
DJ'll be here soon guys, just hang tight.
Grab a drink
some chips, text your friends,
lots of room.
Still selling tickets at the door.
Hey, man. 7:00 I said.
Yeah. Oh yeah, ya did.
Well, hurry up.
Alright and you owe me 50 bucks.
Music starts
That's what I'm paying for?
Yeah, that's it.
Pretty sweet scam eh?
It's not a sweet scam
why did I get all this?
I have no idea.
I think probably
this goes side to side.
Oh, man Bill.
Sam! Hey, Mr. D.
Who's this? This is Kyle.
Hey Kyle. Hey Mr. Duncan.
You don't even look gay.
So that's
I never would have thought.
Than thanks?
Yeah, anyway have fun.
Glad you guys made it.
Yeah, hey, quick question. Yeah?
That's a ten? No, no he's a seven.
The ten said no.
'Cause I would never give that a ten.
Ah, don't worry about it,
at least you're moving up a notch.
I had a ten say no to me once.
I saw her about four years ago,
she's about a four. That's what
six kids'll do to ya.
So maybe that ten that
said no to you, one day
they'll look bad because
they'll have six kid
Forget it, have fun, ok?
Good job, Sam.
New dance song.
Music plays.
You can't do that.
Stop looking like a dork.
Noah, what are you doing
here with a St. Pat's girl?
Just back off, Lewis!
What's wrong with a St. Pat's girl?
Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?
Seriously.
Ignore him guys. Wanna go?
Come on, Lewis. Let's do this.
Ok, ok hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey excuse me.
That's enough, Lewis get out of here.
Noah go!
Things are getting ugly.
Yeah, thanks, Simon.
Mr. Duncan!
Why are there students from
St. Pat's at an Xavier dance?
I didn't know they were St. Pat's students.
Way to do your job.
Yeah
I bet Callaghan's gonna love to hear this
when I tell him. Well, make sure
you also tell him that the vice principal
didn't help at the door, leaving
two newer teachers at Xavier
to try and recognize
every kid in the city.
Well, guess the spider's
laid it's web then, huh?
Spiders don't lay web, they lay eggs.
They spin webs.
Spiders don't sp
lay eggs they
No, spiders do lay eggs,
they don't lay web.
Spiders don't lay web, they lay eggs.
Is that right?
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Gentlemen,
I know what spiders do
and don't do.
Checkmate, you're move.
If it's checkmate
you don't get a move.
I've played chess before.
Bill, I need you to calm the
kids down and play a slow song.
Oh, I don't think I have a slow song man.
How do you not have a slow song?
Gerry, I barely recognize
any of these kids, do you?
Not now Lisa. Oh! This is Lisa?
Oh see. He said you were
average looking.
Oh, really? Average, that's nice.
I did that for your sake, trust me.
Find me a slow song Bill.
I'll find a slow song if Lisa
wants to dance with me.
Oh no, that would be
totally inappropriate.
Inappropriate?
Yeah, he's told me a lot about you.
You're a busy man.
Ok, busy guy. Ok, busy. Play a slow song.
I'm looking, I'm looking.
I need a slow song Bill, right away.
Fight, fight,
Oh god, here we go again.
Kill the music Bill
Hey, hey, break it up, break it up.
That's enough.
Break - it - uuuuuup!
You guys gotta go, man.
What? Why? 'Cause, it's too
many problems with St. Pat's here.
Well there's a good reason right there.
We don't drink at our school.
This dance sucks anyway.
Nice one, bud.
Come on, you guys. Go relax for a bit.
It's supposed to be a dance people.
It's not a fight, it's a dance.
Why is nobody dancing?
Am I the only person that can
dance here? Nobody can dance?
Play something, Bill.
Dance music starts.
Music continues.
Music continues.
Music continues.
I did that, man. I did that move.
I got this, Gerry.
Sucker DJ.
Well, way to diffuse a bomb, Mr. Duncan.
That's what I do, Mr. Cheeley.
Ya know I've been known on
occasion to back that thing up myself.
Just if you ever need a backup dancer.
You're a dancer?
To some people, dancing is a
creative outlet, to me it's a lifestyle.
I think we did ok.
Might have even made some extra money.
No Awesome! Xavier sucks!
Sound of glass shattering
That was a window.
Maybe we broke even.
More glass shattering.
That sounded like a bigger window
Yeah, that was bigger.
You're gonna have to
give me half the money for
those track suits and stuff. Why?
'Cause we're co-coaches.
I'm an assistant coach,
you made that very clear.
Now we're co-coaches, ok?
I don't want the position.