Rooster (2026) s01e06 Episode Script

1
[hockey game playing on TV]
- [crickets chirping]
- [distant dog barking]
[announcer] Vlad with a
chance, it drops down in front.
Stamkos after it,
couldn't control Rodrigues.
Shot blocked away by O'Reilly.
- [exhales sharply]
- Reinhart on the loose puck.
Back it goes for Rodrigues.
They work it in front.
Reinhart's shot blocked again.
Oh, the Panthers
look sharp here.
[text whooshing]
And this number one line
really came together
last night
[phone chiming]
Stamkos went up with O'Reilly.
[pops lips]
He shoots, he scores!
[laughing]
What a great night.
You know my favorite part
about last night?
- Hmm?
- The high-five.
- Oh!
- [chuckles]
I was just so excited
about how it was going.
I was self-conscious
about being on top.
It totally snapped me out of it.
[hands smack]
You shouldn't be self-conscious
about anything.
Mwah!
Oh, my gosh, this week.
Wow.
I was so messed up
after seeing my ex.
Really helped me. Mm!
There is nothing like a
no-strings-attached booty call
to give you a boost
of confidence.
- I'm glad I could help.
- Mm.
What is better than just fun,
uncomplicated sex?
[both moaning]
[grunting]
Oh, my God.
- [straining]
- [Katie sighs]
- [Archie exclaiming]
- What are we doing?
[sighs]
You need to wait
at least 30 seconds before
you start a conversation.
I just fucked you. Are you
seriously telling me to be quiet?
This is tricky for me because
I really want to say yes.
[Katie scoffs]
[sighs]
Doesn't this make you feel icky?
Icky? I don't feel icky.
It makes me feel excellent,
Katie.
- [sighs]
- And you
you're so beautiful.
I love you.
Yeah, yeah, we're not
We're not doing that.
Come on, you can't honestly
tell me you're not enjoying this
- a little bit. Yes.
- I am, of course, I am.
- It's It's forbidden.
- Yes.
And it's dangerous, and I
wanna do it over and over,
which makes me wanna
fucking choke you.
Well, I'm sure
that can be arranged.
- Ew!
- [knocking]
[Greg]
Hey, kiddo! It's me.
- Shit, it's my dad.
- [snickering]
- Don't say a word.
- [Greg] Katie, it's Dad!
That's exactly what
I've been saying.
- Oh, my God.
- [Greg] I know you're here.
- Come on out!
- Come here, boy.
Ah!
[growling]
Oh, yes, mi amor.
What did we say about drop-ins?
- You have got to text me.
- I did text you.
"I'm out front knocking."
- Not what I meant.
- Check it out.
How cool is this?
Gosh, half as cool
as a motorcycle?
And twice as safe.
This sporty little sportster
is going to turn
my 13-minute commute
into a nine-minute commute.
- Total game changer.
- Dad, if you ever find a woman
as excited about this as you,
don't let her go.
Never gonna happen.
- Okay. Be safe.
- Bye. Whoo!
- [Katie] Go slow.
- [Greg imitating motor revving]
- [siren whooping]
- [Donnie] Whoa!
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
Is that thing
street legal, Russo?
I don't know.
Shouldn't you know?
- Are you sassin' me right now?
- No, no.
- No.
- Let me tell you something.
I've got an office,
and in that office
is a computer.
And as long
as no one else is on it,
I can look up
the legal-ness of anything.
- Okay?
- Okay.
I'm watching you, Russo.
Like a hawk.
Like a cop hawk.
- A what?
- Cop hawk.
Are you saying "car park"
with a Boston accent?
No, I'm saying
cop haw cop hawk.
- [with Boston accent] Cah pahk!
- No, cop
- Smahten up.
- Hawk.
Pahk the cah in the cah pahk.
I'm saying cop hawk.
- Wicked piss ah.
- Get outta here.
Cah pahk!
Oh, I, oh, I ♪
I played the fool ♪
I laugh at me,
I'm trying, trying ♪
Falling sometimes,
sometimes flying ♪
Cry me an ocean
of one-liners ♪
Cruel, cruel, cruel ♪
Oh ♪
- Cortado and a decaf, enjoy.
- Thank you. Hey.
Love the green hair, by the way.
Well, tell that to my mother.
Huge fight last night.
I made her sleep on the couch.
- I'm gonna just
- [Beverly] Okay, take care.
I can help whoever's next.
God, I always regret
talking to Beverly.
It's like, I care,
but I don't care.
- You know what I mean?
- Of course I do.
It's how you feel about
everything in the world.
- You okay?
- Just got rejected
from another internship.
- Oh.
- Really thought I nailed this one.
We bonded over the fact
that we're both germaphobes,
and then I pretended
I was gonna sneeze on him.
It was fucking hilarious.
No, hey, that
It sounds so funny.
Listen, someone is gonna
hire you, and when they do,
it's gonna be the smartest thing
they've ever done.
I like your pep talk.
Yeah?
You know what? You don't
need to watch this movie anymore.
Before I start
to actually write,
I like to do something
that sounds a little bit basic.
[camera clicking]
Uh, I like to list
my characters' traits.
So, let's, uh,
let's call out some traits.
- Anyone?
- Conscientious.
Conscientious.
I love a conscientious
character.
How 'bout one
that's easier to spell?
- Irascible?
- No.
- Girthy.
- Alright, we're done.
Why don't we brainstorm
some of these traits,
bring them in in the morning?
Hello, hello?
Sleepyhead?
- [knocking]
- Huh? [Sighs]
Today's class is going to be
the only thing on the final.
- Sorry.
- What?
- I'm kidding.
- [sighs] Fuck, dude, I'm
- What's going on?
- Sorry, Rooster.
I fell a little bit
behind on rent,
and my roommates kicked me out.
I've been sleeping
at Spooner's place on the floor,
and my back is not happy.
Tommy, are you homeless?
- Unhoused.
- Thank you, Ronni.
Are you unhoused?
Uh, no.
Don't worry about me.
Okay, I have an extra room.
Why don't you just crash
with me for a couple days?
- Really?
- Yeah.
That is so lit.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Do you have toothpaste?
You know what?
Never mind.
- I'll get my own.
- Okay.
- So, just swing by after I get back from hockey practice.
- Okay.
Hey, how is Coach Jake doing?
He's better.
I think he just needed someone
to believe in him.
Fucker!
Come on, DJ!
[Greg] Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys,
no, no, no, no, no, hold on.
Hey, Coach, Coach, Coach!
You okay, DJ?
You gonna take his side?
He's giving me crazy attitude.
I just asked
to go to the bathroom.
- Oh, you
- Oh, no. No, no, no. No, Coach.
Maybe you need a shower, huh?
A little time out.
- Yeah?
- I thought you believed in me.
Not as much as before.
Lame!
[groaning, imitating gunshots]
- Okay.
- Fucking losers.
- [player] Hey!
- Oh! Coach! Coach! Coach!
- Come on.
- Fine, I'm gone.
- I'm out. I'm gone.
- Three-on-three. Three-on-three.
No, no, no.
Alright, you're
[book thuds]
"Ladies and gentlemen,
I have just been shot."
Those were
Teddy Roosevelt's words
moments after an attempted
assassination.
Now, what challenge
did Roosevelt face as a boy
that gave him
so much grit as a man?
Eli, I I appreciate
your enthusiasm, son,
but I like to ask questions
and answer them myself.
It's how I command a room.
As you were.
The answer is childhood asthma.
- Roosevelt would then be consumed by grief
- [whispering] Hey.
- I was looking for you.
- when both his mother and his wife died.
Do you always come
to Walt's lectures?
He likes me to start
the applause when he's finished.
My cue word is "onward."
- I'll keep an eye out for that.
- [Walt] Question.
Which of Roosevelt's speeches
resonates most today?
Eli, I feel like we just had
this discussion.
- Hand down.
- That one was really tricky, sir.
Just tell me when
there's a real question.
There won't be.
Roosevelt's speech
of all speeches, of course,
was "The Man in the Arena."
- [Walt continues indistinctly]
- [sighs] So
what are you up to later?
What, at like 11:00?
Or, I don't know, 9:45?
- Eleven's kind of late.
- Okay, Greg.
I'm a grown woman.
A single parent.
I have a house that I will
own outright in 28 years.
If you want this, or these,
or to be inside this,
I need to be treated
with some dignity.
Take me on a proper date.
I'm not some cheap floozy.
I never felt that. Ever.
Even when you photocopied
the your the th-these.
I appreciate that,
'cause I don't do that
very often.
Okay.
[Walt]
Step into the arena of life
Would you like to go out
to dinner with me tonight?
Oh, I don't know.
Have to think about it.
- Okay.
- Yes.
Oh, okay.
Onward!
- Onward!
- My goodness,
how can you not clap for that?
[clapping]
- [applause]
- Thank you.
- Hello, gorgeous.
- Ooh.
Hey, I just got some
free time this afternoon.
Fancy a shag?
So romantic.
Uh, I can't.
I'm meeting my dad here.
And I was thinking about
claiming back some self-respect.
Oh, don't worry about that.
No, no, no.
Okay, so I was gonna be having
a meeting with my editor
who was gonna be giving me notes
on the first five chapters of my book.
But, spoiler alert,
she didn't have any.
I mean, zero notes.
It's like, sorry,
am I the Lionel Messi
of Slavic languages
and Russian studies?
[sighs] -Come on, I wanna
I wanna celebrate with you.
- I wanna celebrate with your body.
- [inhales sharply]
[growling]
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
- I meant to ask.
- Yeah?
Are you still fucking Sunny?
Whoa, that's
Wow, that's an incredibly
personal question.
- Seriously?
- Okay.
If you must know, yeah, I am.
But never
on the same day as you.
Never in the same
22-hour window as you.
I think you may be
the worst person in the world.
What? H-Hey, listen,
I have been very clear
about what I want.
You say the word, and I will do
whatever we have to do to
get this marriage back on track.
- I don't know if I want that.
- You need time.
I get that, and I pray
that you take me back.
But if you don't,
I kinda feel like
it's maybe incumbent upon me
to do whatever I can
to make it work with the mother
of my unborn child.
I mean, what kind of man
would that make me if I didn't?
I mean, I don't think that's
a man that you could love.
- Oh, my God.
- So, I can't do anything
that would raise suspicions.
Are you trying to make sleeping
with two people simultaneously
the moral high ground?
I hope you choose us, Katie.
No.
I really do.
[e-bike whirring]
[Greg imitating revving]
[tires screeching] - Screeching
to a stop never gets old.
[chuckles] What the fuck
are you wearing?
Oh! Yeah, isn't that great?
That, uh, artsy girl
with the nose ring, Zoey,
she's handing 'em out.
What is the deal
with nose rings?
- Do those hurt?
- Give me the bike.
- Oh, yeah, do you wanna try it?
- Give me the bike.
- I knew it! Okay.
- Get off.
So, that's the throttle,
those are the brak Okay.
Beautiful form.
Go for it.
Oh, you should put
a helmet on, hon.
[e-bike whirring]
Okay, just loop it around!
Loop it around, hon.
And she's not coming back.
[Dylan] Alright,
now that The Review
is back in print,
we gotta move fast.
So, I was thinking we all could
work a little late tonight?
That's gonna be tough for me.
I have a date.
Oh. Then, uh, I do, too.
Oh, not with you.
Check your texts.
- [computer mouse clicking]
- With my roommate?
- But I introduced you guys.
- [Eva] Yes.
Thank you.
I'll never forget you.
- Professor Shepard, you wanted to see me?
- [Dylan] One sec.
This is going to be
the best issue yet.
- Let's get it!
- [students cheer and applaud]
I'm sure you know
that we've lost
a few young professors
to other institutions.
So, I was thinking
you and I could have
some personal meetings,
so our best new voices
know that there's
a fast track to tenure.
[Walt] You're really embracing
this Dean of Faculty thing.
I like the initiative.
I'm in.
- Okay, good.
- Excuse me.
There wasn't another reason
you wanted to see me?
Perhaps you were moved
by an anonymous
poetry submission?
A sonnet about
the Irish Potato Famine?
Yeah, I'm sorry,
that wasn't gonna work for me.
Huh.
[tires screeching]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [door bell jingling]
[Zoey] Hi, Katie.
Your hair looks crazy.
I, uh, was on a very fast bike.
Uh, guys, can we have
a minute alone?
[Katie sighs]
I, uh, I have a t-shirt for you,
if you want one.
What are you doing?
I don't need you
to punish Archie, okay?
He is a narcissist
with a baby on the way.
Believe me, he's gonna get his.
And not that it's about this,
but the picture
that you've chosen
makes me look like Nancy Pelosi.
You made me the face of a cause
without even asking?
This is a flashing reminder
of all of the mistakes
I keep making.
Katie, you didn't
make any mistakes
It's Professor Russo.
Stop it, all of it.
Clear?
- Y-Yeah. Sorry.
- Thank you.
[door bell jingling]
[Greg]
I've got a date, Tommy!
What did you do
with the toothpaste?
[Tommy]
I-I just borrowed a little bit,
but I didn't want to use
your sink, so I used mine.
And I don't know, man,
it's not in there.
Well, it's not upstairs.
Do you definitely have to brush?
Ranch-flavored Corn Nuts.
Empty bag.
You do the math.
- [blowing] Yeah, just think.
- Oh, no.
Try to retrace
your steps, Tommy.
Where did you last have
the toothpaste?
- Oh, the kitchen!
- Great.
Yeah, the sink in the guest room
is too small to get my face in.
Why do you put your face
in the sink?
- Oh, you don't?
- Uh-uh.
Hey, get the tongue.
Tongue.
- [water running]
- There you go.
See, you can fit
your whole face in there.
I don't want to put
my face in there.
Alright.
I'm going to call her
and tell her I'm gonna be
a little bit late.
And Oh, God.
Why?
Why is this not charged?
Oh, that's my charger, dude.
That thing's broken.
Why do you keep it?
- Well, you never know.
- You do. You know.
-Ehh.
-It's a dead charge Don't Oh.
- Go. I just gotta go. Gotta go.
- Yeah, yeah, slow
Slow down there.
You just took a shower
and you're already
sweating again.
You know what?
I bet I can't find
my deodorant either.
Did you take that?
I just used it a little bit.
Don't use my deodorant, please!
Alright, I'm out.
- Hey, crush it, Rooster!
- I'm gonna crush it.
[light, upbeat music playing]
- [siren whooping]
- [Greg groaning]
[over PA speakers]
Stop right there! Disengage.
- Hello.
- We meet again.
Finally got a chance
to hop on the work computer.
Did a little research,
and it turns out
these babies
are not street legal.
Don't you have
anything better to do?
Driver, I'm gonna need you
to exit the vehicle.
- Uh
- Put your arms up, and then,
I'm gonna need you to give me
a hug.
Come here.
- Come here, there you go.
- What's going on?
- Yes. There it is.
- What are you doing?
Doesn't that feel good?
I don't understand.
I'm gonna let this
slide tonight.
Ask me why.
- Why?
- [inhales deeply]
Because of what you did,
for my boy, Donnie Junior.
Coach was gonna punch him,
and then you threw yourself
in the way.
DJ?
That was your kid?
That's my son.
You earned yourself
one of these.
[Greg]
A Get Out of Jail Free card.
- From Monopoly? Yeah.
- Monopoly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- It's a game.
- I've played.
So, that gets you out of jail.
Turn it over.
That's my name
and my phone number.
- Okay.
- So, it's legit.
- Okay.
- It won't work in any other town.
And it will not work for murder.
- That's a whole other card.
- Thank you.
So, I really need to get going.
I'm late for a date.
Well, then hop in the car.
I'll give you a ride over there.
- Would that be faster?
- I don't actually know.
[laughing]
I can't use the siren.
I, uh, did that once for a date,
and I got into
a heap of trouble.
You're gonna hit traffic.
You got that light
on Main Street.
You're gonna sit there
and sit there and sit there.
It doesn't ever change.
I've called about it,
but no one picks up.
Thank you again!
[Upbeat music playing]
[sighs]
[birdsong]
[Mo] You know, when I
was a kid, the Bedford Y
had a set of sauna rules, too.
"No horseplay, no foreplay."
- I enjoy your friend.
- She's my rock.
[Walt] I do have news.
I know you have not heard
from Biotecha,
so I went ahead and called.
[sighs] You're not getting
the internship.
[groaning]
Because they flat-out
wanna hire you.
- Stop! I knew it!
- [Walt slapping bench]
The Golden Buzzer.
You got the golden ticket!
You're going to Hollywood!
Diana was quite
impressed by you.
She is offering you
a full-time position in her lab.
She's happy to work
around your pregnancy.
She doesn't even care
about you getting your degree.
- They don't give a shit!
- [Walt] You did it, kiddo!
[Sunny] Okay.
- Okay!
- Okay.
Okay?
Okay, uh, I, uh,
I need some air.
I'm, um, I'm freaking out.
- I'll check on her.
- No, I got it.
-And you were late. You still owe two minutes.
-[groaning]
[door opens, closes]
Hey. You okay?
Obviously, this is
an incredible opportunity.
Just, taking this job
means moving away
from Archie, and that's
- It's complicated.
- I understand.
But one of the top bio tech
firms in the whole country
wants you.
And now, it's time to celebrate.
So could I please
get a "what-what"?
- What-what.
- Again, better.
- [door opens]
- What-what!
- Atta girl! [Laughing]
- My goodness.
What are we celebrating?
I got a job offer at Biotecha.
- They're this neuro research
- Oh! Yeah, I-I know.
Who'd you meet with?
[mouthing] No.
Diana Jennings.
[chuckles softly]
[Joanie] Really?
Probably should have
run that one by you first.
Probably.
- Congrats.
- Thank you.
[door opens, slams shut]
That one's gonna leave a mark.
[Dylan]
You know what else I did?
Got a pay increase
for the adjuncts.
- [Greg] Mm.
- I mean, I'm a poet.
I never expected to have a
supervisory position, you know,
but I like having the voice.
Oh, my God,
you're drunk with power.
- Stop.
- You are.
- [laughing] No, I'm not.
- [laughing] You are.
I really just feel that I can
I can do some good.
- Mm.
- Even though I'm only interim Dean.
You need to stop treating this
like it is a temporary position.
Own it, make it yours.
Okay. Why not?
- Check it out!
- Whose is this?
Mine.
Greg, this is the coolest thing.
- Oh, my God!
- Yes!
- Try this on.
- Gimme!
Safety first, because I have
a need for speed.
- You don't scare me.
- Are you ready?
[imitating revving loudly]
Now, you do.
[laughing]
- Oh, my God!
- [yelling]
[both cheering]
- Go, go!
- [laughing]
[imitating revving]
- [Dylan] Oh, my God!
- [yelling]
- [Dylan] You got class this morning?
- [Greg] Uh, no.
But there is something
I need to do.
I think it'll be fine.
It's not fine, Greg.
- I'm sorry, again.
- [computer keys clacking]
When I got home,
I charged my phone
and I texted you
a bunch of times.
- I don't know if you got any of 'em.
- I got them.
They made everything better.
I don't wanna give you
a bunch of lame excuses.
I did get pulled over
by the police.
And if I have to be honest,
things really started
to fall apart
- when I lost my toothpaste.
- I don't wanna hear it.
I know, I know you don't.
It was in the kitchen,
of all places.
This isn't how
people behave, Greg,
when they're starting
something real.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
It's just very embarrassing,
I was sitting in the
Cristle, will you send flowers
to the hotel
my wife is staying in?
- Oh
- Yeah.
and find out
where she's staying.
That'd be good.
Morning, Greg.
Good morning.
Was there anything else?
Not at the moment.
Margaret Keane's husband
initially took credit
for all of her work,
until get this
A judge made them do
a paint-off in court.
But the husband never
showed up. Typical, right?
[sighs] - [Katie] You
should have seen her, Dad.
She was devastated.
Zoey was the one kid
that looked up to me,
and I completely crushed her.
Mm.
So, you don't like these shirts?
'Cause she gave me four of them.
I can get rid of 'em.
Or they could be beach shirts.
I could wear 'em to the beach.
- Dad.
- I don't think they're soft enough to wear
as sleep shirts,
but they could be beach
Beach shirts, not sleep shirts.
Say that five times fast.
What were you
talking about, hon?
[sighs]
It's totally my own fault.
I was too open with Zoey about
everything going on with Arch.
I don't usually do that.
You don't connect
with your students?
- Why not?
- Yeah, why not?
Why is he here?
- Oh, I live here.
- Just for a couple of days.
Also, Greg said
he needed to talk to me
about some women problems.
No, Tommy, I did not say that.
I said that I was
a little confused
about a woman that I was seeing,
and you said,
"I got you, dog."
And then, Katie walked in
before I could say,
"No, thank you, dog."
Oh, my God,
is this the one-nighter?
I think she wants a little bit
more than that.
- No. Okay.
- Dad!
Let's stick with
Katie's issue here right now.
Look, connecting with students
has been the best part
of teaching for me so far.
It means a lot to me, too.
- You don't need to participate.
- Oh, I don't mind.
I don't know if it's my thing.
You know?
And I think maybe that's 'cause
I'm not that much older
than them.
Don't say a word
unless you wanna get smacked.
I don't want to tell you
how to do your job,
but I think you're missing out.
Tommy has some pals coming over,
so I am going to get them
some fun snack-a-rooskies.
Ah, no veggies though, Rooster.
Nobody likes celery.
[Greg] How about
with peanut butter?
Yeah, I'll allow it.
- He's my dad, not your dad.
- He's everyone's dad.
-He's my dad.
-[Greg] [singing] Hot pockets ♪
Hot pockets! ♪
[Tommy and Greg]
Yeah ♪
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, there they are.
Ugh! I miss the quiet.
Did you hear back from
any of those internships, Bug?
Did you hear back
from, uh, Biotecha, or
No, still nothing.
Well, keep your chin up, Bug.
It'll all work out as planned.
- Bye.
- Thank you.
Keeping secrets from him?
- I like that.
- Thank you.
And I'll say this
because you taught me how.
- Love you.
- [groaning]
Making me all misty-eyed.
[sniffling]
[Greg]
I think she wants something
that's a little more real,
a little more serious.
And I'm not sure
that I'm ready for that.
This celery with peanut butter
goes crazy.
- Mm.
- How you make this?
It's celery and peanut butter,
a little sea salt,
and a little lemon zest.
- Nice.
- It is nice.
These would be so good
if it had crunchy peanut butter
- instead of the smooth shit.
- [friends] Mm!
Buddy, I told you,
if you want anything,
just write it on the list
on the fridge.
Can't believe you live here.
You didn't work shit out
with your parents?
Don't worry about it.
Come on, Pig Tits.
We're talking about
Rooster here, yeah?
Bro, take my advice.
Don't catch no feelings.
- [JD] Mm-mm.
- [George] If you do, you gonna be telling
a beautiful little
Taiwanese girl
that you like
country music, too.
And then, this weekend,
you're gonna be driving
three hours
to go see somebody
named Luke Combs.
That is a very specific story,
and one that sounds
slightly personal.
I mean, if you're having fun,
then don't overthink it.
I just don't wanna lead her on.
On the other hand,
she's very nice, I like her.
There's really only one question
that needs to be answered.
Mm-hmm?
How's the sex?
Well
I would never tell you guys
in a million years.
- [friends groaning]
- Kinky. It's gotta be kinky.
- No, guys.
- [Tommy] He's into some weird shit.
I am not.
Whatcha doing over there, Greg?
- Nothing, I'm just seeing
- [text whooshing]
if she wants to go
to dinner tonight.
- Ooh!
- What? What'd she say?
- [text whooshing]
- Steak emoji!
[all cheering]
[chanting]
Rooster! Rooster!
[friends joining]
Rooster! Rooster!
[Mellow music playing]
Hey. Can I talk to you
for a minute?
Where are my glasses?
There they are.
Uh-oh, stud alert!
What do you think?
Trying too hard?
Hey, I'd hit that.
- Thank you. Also, you wish.
- [Tommy chuckles]
Hey, you need some condoms?
That's not a discussion
we're going to have.
And I noticed
that you put "condoms"
on the refrigerator list.
That is for food items only.
So, that's a "no"
on the PlayStation?
That is a no on the PlayStation.
Also, um, what did Pig Tits mean
when he said "work it out"
with your parents?
My folks and I have a deal.
They'd only pay for my rent
if I kept an above-C average,
and I'm just a smidge
below that.
A big smidge or a small smidge?
- It's a pretty sizable smidge, yeah.
- Mm.
Your class is the only one
I'm doing well in.
- It's pass-fail.
- And I'm gonna pass?
- [chuckles] Yeah. Let's hope.
- Yeah.
My mom wants me to move home
until I can get my grades up,
but I'm feeling
really good here, you know?
You made a deal.
You gotta move
back home tonight.
- Come on, Rooster.
- Pack your bags.
Tomorrow we will meet,
come up with a study plan.
Gonna get you back on track.
- Man, you'd do that?
- Of course.
We're accountability buddies.
- Yeah. Okay.
- Oh, man.
I do not know why I'm so
nervous about this date.
Oh, relax, man, I got you.
Open this up a little, yeah?
[chuckles] Oh. Oh, yeah?
Let the chest hair sing.
- Yeah, does that look good?
- Damn.
No wonder this lady
wants to wife you up.
Oh, boy. Yeah.
"Wife me up."
Hey, you got this, okay?
Oh, yeah.
[Katie] Look.
I didn't like the t-shirts.
I mean, how would you feel
if everywhere you walked,
you saw your own face?
I feel like I wouldn't mind it.
You're gonna do
really well in life.
Still [inhales sharply]
I should not have come down
so hard on you.
- It's okay.
- It's not.
I just [sighs]
Ah, Zoey,
I know you think
I'm a strong woman
who is handling this
personal shit storm with grace.
But I'm not.
I'm struggling with my feelings
for Professor Bates.
And those struggles
are sometimes
less about what he does
and more about
how he smells.
You like the way he smells?
Unfortunately, I do.
I know you're not perfect.
That's kind of why you were my
favorite teacher, Professor Russo.
I I felt like
you were someone
I could really relate to.
- You can call me Katie.
- Are you just saying that
'cause you wanna be
my favorite teacher again?
[chuckles]
That's definitely part of it.
[chuckles]
Look, Archie is
a run-of-the-mill
narcissistic asshole
who sometimes
smells like wildflowers.
I mean, come on.
There are plenty
of real villains
lurking around this place.
Making yourself right at home?
I thought it was time.
There's, uh, something
I need to talk to you about.
Miss me?
Mm!
Love the plant.
Thank you.
Yeah. [Sighs]
There's no way
she wrote all these poems.
That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
'Kay, thank you.
[chuckles]
I wanted to ask you
about your name.
I've never met
anyone named Cristle.
- It's lovely.
- Thank you.
It's Crystal, actually.
- What?
- My first day working for Walt,
I'd just been to the dentist,
and he thought I said Cristle.
- Oh, wow!
- And I'd just gotten divorced
and needed a change,
so I just never corrected him.
And now, I kinda like it.
[chuckles]
Please don't tell him.
- I am not sure I would know how.
- [chuckles]
I really like it.
I like Cristle.
Thank you.
I like the name Greg.
- [both chuckle]
- Thanks.
Would you care for some dessert?
- Not here.
- Oh, yeah.
We could go get ice cream
somewhere or something.
[flirty] No.
Are you okay?
Are you
[thumping]
Oh.
- Can you feel that?
- Alright.
- Hm?
- There he is. Hi.
Could I get the check, please?
Mm. Um
- Uh, should we go to your place?
- [whispering] Yeah.
[Greg] Oof!
Ooh, I definitely
pulled something.
- [groaning]
- [Cristle] We need to hydrate
so we don't cramp up.
Two Gatorades coming up,
my queen.
[Cristle]
I want blue flavored!
[Tommy] Rooster?
[Greg] Hey, Tommy.
What are you doing here?
I live here.
[Cristle]
Also, get some whipped cream
so I can lick it off your balls!
Holy sh
["Bastards of Young"
by The Replacements playing]
God, what a mess ♪
On the ladder of success ♪
Where you take one step ♪
And miss
the whole first rung ♪
Dreams unfulfilled ♪
Graduate unskilled ♪
It beats pickin' cotton
and waitin' to be forgotten ♪
Wait on the sons
of no one ♪
Bastards of young ♪
Wait on the sons
of no one ♪
Bastards of young ♪
The daughters
and the sons ♪
Young ♪
Of young ♪
Young ♪
Young ♪
Young ♪
[laughter]
[child] Bye-bye.
[blows raspberries]