Strip Law (2026) s01e06 Episode Script

1
Eh. These foods don't make me horny.
Ooh ♪
Ah ♪
Oh ♪
Mmm ♪
Whoa ♪
Mmm ♪
Oh ♪
Ooh!
Mmm.
Our marriage is saved!
Nevada-grown dates.
Open your mouth and take them!
Aren't they
just wonderful, folks? Don't…
Oh, that was so great!
I'm mayor, comedian, George Wallace!
I am so happy to be here
on this historic day.
For decades, Hot Dates ads
have been playing on Vegas television.
And it's because of these
amazing sexual fruit mascots
that we have the highest birth rates
in the country, the lowest divorce rates,
and live in a near-constant state
of aggressive horniness.
Boy Cherise,
I'll kill anyone you want!
Also, they promote local farmers
or something. I don't know.
And for the first time in 30 years,
they finally redesigned the Hot Dates!
Did you give
Kunnilingo a vibrating sword?
Oh yeah, we've all seen that petition!
So now, without further ado,
I hope everybody's up-to-date
on their brand of condom
or female condom or dental dam
or latex gloves or wants to get pregnant
or doesn't care about STDs,
because here they are, the New Dates!
Ugh!
-Oh, what have they done?
-They're… normal?
-Oh, where holes?
-Doctor clothes?
I'll never be horny again!
All right, y'all,
calm down now, calm down.
Y'all calm down, okay?
Before we resort to violence…
All right! Ha! A chicken!
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
-They changed Kunnilingo's name.
To Dr. Kunnilingo Phelps,
an endocrinologist who loves opera music?
Everyone knows
Kunnilingo got inner-ear damage
from the Gulf War special.
And he didn't go to med school.
He majored in ass.
They're wiping away
years of established canon.
Sorry I'm late.
I got stuck behind a crowd
pullin' down the golden statue of Cherise.
They're already pullin' down statues?
We're only a few riot stages away
from car flippin',
and if Daddy don't flip one car a month,
he gets fussy.
Happy Riot Day, party people!
Sorry I'm late.
Tons of brawlin' out there.
Oh, we gotta get out there!
Trust me, Irene, no one's boiling
with more secret pent-up rage
over this than me,
but we gotta do this first.
The Las Vegas Bar Association
sent all the firms
a mandatory virtual-HR seminar
that we gotta get done
by the end of the day.
Says it's Old Vegas themed.
Can't we do it later?
Well, we could've if Glem hadn't used
the box as an ottoman for three months.
Now, if we don't get this done by EOD,
they can take away our license.
Why are there five headsets?
There's only four of us.
I finished organizing your pens
by nib size, Mr. Gumb.
A haunted doll!
No, sir, I'm actually
just a nondescript young man.
Kevin, the new paralegal.
Kevin, I'm excited to get you on boarded.
Do you like hamburgers
and when athletes on opposing teams
help each other off the ground?
Do I?
Almost as much
as golden retrievers with red bandanas!
Oh, wowee!
Careful!
Look, are we doin' this or what?
There's a Sonata with a Doctor Who sticker
that's just beggin' for it.
We're doin' this. Headsets on, everyone.
Wow, Vegas-y!
They really captured the gross.
Ow!
I… How do I not move?
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Las Vegas Board of Human Resources
presents to you
a computerized amalgamation
of all five personalities of the Rat Pack.
The king prince of the board,
old blue-glass Joey Bishop-eyes himself,
Rocco Prosecco!
Oh, she'll write you up
Just for crackin' wise ♪
There's no quid for quo
Just some forms to sign ♪
Oh, my lady HR ♪
Professional-lookin' crowd
here tonight.
I'd like to hear your feedback
on my performance.
What button
did you hit for that?
Oh, never mind. Found it.
If you're like me, you're probably
wonderin' "Why must Rocco exist?"
You see folks,
there never was a more toxic work family
than the Rat Pack.
So now its members' consciousnesses live
between death and life inside a computer,
singin' songs to you good people.
Oh, it's short for home run
But you can't go all the way ♪
She says she'll protect you ♪
But she really exists to safeguard
The interests of the corporation ♪
Oh, my lady HR ♪
-Yeah!
-Thank you for blessing me.
Why is everything we do
always so high-concept and wacky?
Why wouldn't it be?
Tonight, ol' Rocco's gonna stress-test
your workplace for toxicity.
Let's start with some
Rat Pack-themed HR trivia.
On the set of Ocean's 11,
Frank Sinatra had his whole team
hang Lewis Milestone
out of a 14th-story window
when he tried to give more lines
to Angie Dickinson.
How good do you feel your team is
at handlin' unexpected challenges?
I think we manage pretty well.
Ten out of ten. Can we be done now?
I should be out there rioting
like, you know, whichever nationality
are best at rioting.
Here are my guesses.
Oh! Gotta cut off that racial tirade
and dock you two points, baby.
How about the rest of you?
You kooky cats run a humane workplace?
I'm new here, but so far,
everybody seems pretty respectful.
Okay, well, doesn't seem very respectful
to not tell your employees
about some new guy you hired
without their input.
Can we not do this right now?
I thought you'd be happy
I brought someone in
to pick up your slack.
What slack? We're always busy.
Maybe if you didn't keep workin'
with every maniac off the street.
Actually, this program can generate
clip-like simulations
of any incidents you reference.
Good, because I can think
of several incredibly visual examples.
I accidentally bought the kind of car
that runs over my brother
whenever he pisses me off.
We need to sue Toyota,
and we need to sue my brother.
-We can help you.
-I wanna sue my own penis.
We'll take him down.
So the casino is saying
I can't keep my winnings
'cause I'm actually two kids
in a trench coat.
Which is exactly
what I want them to think.
So why do you need us?
Why, I want to sue my own penis,
of course.
Our specialty.
Wow, that was upsettingly accurate.
I'm scanning your brains, ah! ♪
Well, me and Lincoln
have been working together seamlessly.
Oh, like how you wowed everybody
at the fancy clients mixer.
Folks, looks like we got another.
Tell me, Miss Flambé,
do you enjoy Tolstoy?
Hell yes, I do!
Buzz, Woody, Lots-o'-Huggin' Bear.
Friggin' Slinky Dog!
So I goofed one time.
Well…
Oh, wonderful jest, Miss Flambé,
but let's change gears.
Do you enjoy Schubert?
Sheila, he means…
Dilbert's shoe is a character now?
Ah! Dogbert's not gonna like that.
Well, it's not like
Irene's workplace etiquette is so amazin'.
Irene, is there a fire? What's goin' on?
Whoa, you look so cool and grown-up.
Aah.
I am so cool,
thanks to smokin' cigarettes!
But surely looking cool
is the only benefit smoking provides.
Well, don't tell anyone,
but cigarettes are also the secret
to my huge muscles and perfect teeth.
Wow! If I was a kid,
I'd wanna be just like you.
I'll be right back.
I'm just gonna go get extra smoke
by havin' the rest of these
inside an abandoned refrigerator.
Okay, what Irene did in that clip
was objectively perfect,
but sometimes she's also bad.
Well, all I can say
is that as a male leader,
I'm doing my best to foster a safe place
for all my female employees to thrive.
A ring-a-ding-ding!
My HR programmin' awards you ten points
for ham-fisted lip service.
Speakin' of lips, and fisting,
and service, and ham,
let's move on to the next question,
which is about interoffice dating.
The forbidden fruit of a boss's thigh ♪
Or a mail boy's foot
Don't do it, yeah ♪
Frank Sinatra had an affair
with Humphrey Bogart's wife,
Lauren Bacall,
while old Bogey was dyin' of cancer.
Are there any office romances
that you need to disclose?
Ugh! Obviously not!
Well, technically… we've had sex.
What?
It just happened once,
and it's really not a big deal.
It's actually a huge deal.
Now we have to dissect
your entire sexual encounter
in extreme detail right after this.
There are ads?
Oh boy.
I have to give a big presentation at work
that'll really wow the boss,
but all I have is a 20-minute video
that quickly and concisely lays out
the points I gotta get across.
-I'm fired for sure.
-Maybe not.
What if I told you there was one company
brave enough to make themed,
six-hour-long
corporate virtual-reality experiences?
Ah, man, this sucks! First, Kevin exists.
Now I gotta watch a commercial to hear
my uncle talk about his penis activities?
Please! Good perverts of Las Vegas,
stop your looting!
Please, you freaky little bastards!
Stop it!
Ah, jeez, they're lootin' already!
Soon there won't be a single unflipped car
in all of Las Vegas.
All right, enough. I'm out.
Why can't I get outta this thing?
Because it's locked onto your head,
doll face.
And it ain't comin' off
until you've completed the program.
Did you not hear me
croonin' all the fine print?
A premature exit from the game
may cause seizures and…
Diarrhea! ♪
F ♪♪♪!
Minus one point!
All right, you swinging cats.
Let's get sexual.
Again, we're not a couple.
Also, Irene is 16.
Taken care of, baby.
-There's no air!
-Oh, sure there is.
So, tell us all how it started.
Any pay-for-play?
Any exchange of money,
promises, or favors? Milk stuff?
Are you a milk boy?
We both got really worked up
from doin', like, a hundred cases
for a judge who got his head cut off,
so we did what came naturally.
It was the most normal thing in the world.
And then it stayed normal. The end.
Legally, I gotta see it.
Ooh, Lincoln.
Dirty rodents don't belong
in a nice office building.
What's an exterminator to do?
Please, ma'am,
just make it quick and squash me.
Yap-yap-yap-yap.
Yes!
Yikes!
I have the combined sexual memories
of some terrible men,
and even I know that's weird, kid.
Tell me, Sheila, did any permanent
physical or professional harm
result from this encounter?
No. I was worried
Lincoln might get weird, but he didn't.
It was a one-time thing.
Like when I one time had Jacuzzi sex
with Elvira, Mistress of the Night.
Huh? Huh?
Gah! They gotta be real? Rats!
Okay, if we're all done tryin' to trick
old Rocco into generatin' porno,
I've got good news.
Oh, congratulations ♪
Did you know?
You mean about the two of them
boinking their yoinkers? Of course.
Yeah, it was kinda obvious.
I'll kill you slow.
Death threat, minus 20 points.
Before we move on to team buildin',
one more Rat Pack fun fact.
Everyone just kinda went along
with the way Frank, Deano and the rest
mistreated Sammy Davis Jr.
How have you abused each other?
Okay, then if nobody has
any other complaints, we can move on
-Oh, I do!
-Me too.
Me too.
-Me too.
-Clips!
I did all this work to help Glem win,
and he's hogging all the glory.
That can't be true.
Glem is the most humble man
who ever lived.
Congrats, Glem. You really did it.
Oui.
We? Really?
Of course, oui.
Oui meaning French for yes.
I did it! I'm the best in the world!
Sheila!
Stop getting your smut sent to the office!
-Why don't you just look at porn online?
-Because I
There's porn online? I gotta go!
Irene, I gotta go!
Porn's online now! Tell Lincoln I died!
Oh yeah!
Irene, stop getting
your smut sent to the office.
What's up, Irene? It's me, Carter.
Let's go play tennis, pal.
Oh my God, Sheila!
For the millionth time, I won't be
in your gender-swapped White Chicks movie,
which, for some reason,
you're calling White Chucks?
Carter! There you are, man.
Ready to go play tennis?
I can't believe
anyone even saw that piece of crap.
White Chucks made 31 million
opening weekend domestic…
-It should be White Dicks!
-You're Carter?
He was gonna be best man at my wedding!
I don't have a lot of male friends!
Activity time!
Boy, the parts
of my amalgamated personality
that are ragin' drunks sure are thirsty.
Time to test your communication skills.
My drink order will pop up here,
and it's your job
to work together to fill it.
This is like that fun cooking game
that I'm pretty sure
caused my brother's divorce.
Nope, no time for Kevin lore.
Look, I know we're all a little annoyed,
but can we just power through this
so we can keep our business?
Well, your time starts ring-a-ding now.
Okay, Sheila,
you take the salt-rim station,
Irene, you're on garnish duty,
and, Kevin, you take muddling.
Help me! I know
it looks funny, but this really hurts!
Okay, we're gonna have to cover for Glem.
Kevin, I need some blood oranges.
Cover for me? Glem?
All I do is contribute.
Oh, okay. Let's go over
your contributions for the last month.
Glem, please just file the paperwork
this time.
Like I'm so easily distracted.
Hey, I need that to look cool!
I hope you're ready
for several hours of fighting, crow!
The old
fish-outta-the-window con.
Glem.
Glem, friend.
Glem.
Glem, did you file that…
What the hell?
Lincoln, don't panic,
but I'm gonna need you
to immediately start kissing my legs
so they know you're not challenging
my dominance.
Oh, and tell me one way
a law firm can't use an army of crows.
Yeah, that's a great example
of how much Glem rules.
So what if he sucks at this game?
It's not his fault
he's so old and decrepit.
I'm not old, Irene! I'm 63! That's Gen X!
I was the original bass player
in Bikini Kill!
I don't know what Bikini Kill is!
Neither did I,
according to Kathleen Hanna.
Okay, seriously, Irene, if anyone needs
to listen to Bikini Kill, it's you.
-Secondly, we're trying to run a business.
-Yeah, Irene.
You're a smart kid, but you've still got
some growin' up to do.
I mean, you still believed in Santa,
like, three months ago.
That was a blind spot. I am mature!
Oh, really?
No one has ever taken an interest in me
like this. They all think I'm a freak.
You're beautiful, inside and out.
-Go to prom with me?
-Again?
Irene, please, stop making bets
you can turn nerds
into prom kings and queens.
The last one is still crying outside.
-Irene! I got your favorite song! Love me!
-Having fun! Pizza party… ♪
Why am I the one who gets called out?
You all…
Great news! Rent this month is covered.
You were almost gone… ♪
"Son, you call that dancing
with your future wife?"
"Why can't you please women
like your brother?"
I'm trying, Mommy!
This is the best birthday ever.
I know it's hard, Sheila,
but cats can't live forever.
But I wanted more time
with little
Overton "Obie" Wakefield-Jones!
Hello?
Is this 92.9's Puzzmaster in the Morning?
Damn it, Charles!
I told you not to call me during
Double Prize Friday Fart-stravaganza!
I'm sure he wouldn't want you to feel sad.
He loved you.
Oh, great! So I'm failing him!
Dr. Stink and Moist Rodney
at 103.9 WGRP The Grope?
Gah! Charles again!
If it's any consolation,
the machine we use
to practice ignoring Glem
is really starting to work.
Charles, I swear to God!
Wait, Dr. Stink? Don't hang up!
No!
That… that does make me feel better.
Can you pass me a tissue?
Everyone steals tissues from the bank.
You're just mad about me
and your uncle yo in king our boinkers.
You think I can't handle knowing stuff?
I'm the firm's investigator!
I carry a legal handgun! I'm the only one
who knows Glem's real name!
And I hate that she won't tell me!
Sheila had five other
business partners before you!
-What?
-Oh-ho-ho-ho! Yep!
She's been doin'
the magician-slash-creative-director act
all over town.
Lincoln, you didn't really think
you were my first, did you?
I can't help being
a sad-sack-white-dude magnet.
I put you on the sign.
I thought what we had
was professionally special.
Don't project your sex feelings onto this.
The sex was nothing.
I mean, yes, I have to make myself
fall in love with a person
to have sex with them,
but I literally do that all the time.
Well, how about this?
Maybe you're not the best boss I've had.
You're a control freak too broken up
about his dead mom to see how needy he is.
Newsflash, dawg. We all have dead moms.
-Not me!
-Your mom's alive? Is she, like, 130?
-I'm the titular hole from the band Hole!
-Oh, hey, cool cats
Whenever Lincoln falls asleep
at his desk, Glem steals his plasma.
-Not to sell, just to look at.
-Fellas
Uncle Lincoln had an AI girlfriend
until he wrote her a poem
and she killed herself.
-Excuse me!
-What?
Well, I just wanna remind you
that if you fail this challenge,
you lose your license.
Ah, the hell with it! I don't care any…
…more.
Well, the new guy managed
to complete the challenge
while you birds were squawkin'.
Seems like that should disqualify you,
but for some reason, it doesn't!
Congratulations on your great teamwork ♪
Would you please return to your homes?
Well, the car flippin' is startin',
so now I'm gonna have to wait
till next month's riot.
Let's just get this over with
so I can never see these people again.
Absolutely. Only, like, five or six more
Rat Pack-themed activities to go.
-Meatball ♪
-Lasagna ♪
The Rat Pack loved
to cap things off with a roast,
but since this is
a whole HR teamwork deal, it's a toast.
Okay, go.
I've got somethin' to say.
You people are clearly awful,
and I'm stuck with you
for the next two academic terms.
But you know who else
you're stuck with? Family.
And you all make each other crazy
in a way only families can.
Irene is hurt
because she looks up to you all.
Glem is clearly deranged, but he's smart.
Like John Wayne Gacy,
who, last time I checked,
was a pretty talented clown.
Lincoln, Sheila.
You're clearly in love with each other.
-Oh yeah!
-Go, Irene!
God! Thank you!
-See, this is why Irene's my favorite.
-Wait, I'm what?
You're my favorite.
You're really smart and strong.
It's like looking into a mirror.
And, little Lincoln,
you're not my first business partner,
but you're the only person
who ever put me on the sign
and let me be me.
Dogbert's not gonna like that.
Yeah, he'd probably be like,
"Shoe-Bert can talk now?"
"I'm Angry-Bert."
Oh, how untoward!
Sorry. Here, have a cigar.
Eat dye pack, you fancy bitch!
Aw. I'm sorry, too, Sheila.
I didn't say sorry.
And I'm sorry, Glem, and Irene.
This place would suck without you freaks.
Now, what's really helpful to us
is this figure that shows how
Attention, shoppers!
In celebration of me figuring out
we have a public address system
in the office,
for the next half hour,
we'll be holding a sale on, uh…
Lincoln's… bu… butts… poops.
Okay. So, anyway, this figure
Damn it, Irene! Piece of shit!
You get one chance at a first PA joke,
and you blew it!
This is why you have no friends your age.
This is why Dad left.
You don't deserve to live.
You should just take Glem's gun
and just do what you
Happy birthday!
Gotcha!
So, with all due respect,
I think I'll bring my wife's
wrongful death suit elsewhere.
Irene, I do think of you as mature,
which is why you're my investigator
and not some disgusting intern.
But I'm not gonna tell you
when I have sex. That's weird.
And not the fun kind of weird like Glem.
Ahoy! Irene, take your time growin' up.
The adult world is full
of hepatitis and crows,
and yeah, maybe you're part stupid,
but you're far ahead
of where I was when I was your age.
The… the curse!
I don't have anything nice
to say about any of you,
and I think
you all have drinking problems.
-Seven seconds left on the clock.
-Ah, fine!
I love you all like a family
and appreciate what you bring to my life,
especially Glem, who I plan on keeping
in my basement after he dies,
which will probably be soon.
I'm younger than Colin Firth.
That can't be right.
Well, that was terrible, babies,
but lucky for you,
the score is just for fun,
and your grade is participation based.
Oh, eat a dick, Rocco Prosecco.
Minus ten points!
And now the end is nigh ♪
'No more games left to play ♪
I hate a long goodbye ♪
So instead, I will just say ♪
I think the headsets just unlocked.
Wait, please! Before you leave,
destroy the computer, plea
I heard all the things you said about me.
Yuh-huh. Did we miss the riot?
Good news, Las Vegas!
The Hot Dates have been restored
to their horny, insatiable former selves!
And as an apology, they added a fifth one!
It's named Rebonka!
She's Boy Cherise's aunt,
and that does come into play!
Ah, I'm sorry we missed it.
Who cares? There's Rebonka now!
So, now what?
Well, I see one car left
that's still upright out there.
-That's my car!
-Yes!
Chirp.