Teachers (2001) s01e06 Episode Script

To the end of a promising career.
Well, a career, anyway.
My mock results were a fucking disaster.
In my first two terms
I turned a cup-winning first 11
into a cup, league
and inter-school losing side.
Look at me now.
Who cares if the kids pass
Running Around,
- I'm talking about English.
- Here we go.
How hard can it be to pass GCSE
Typing A Letter And Downloading Porn?
So how did Jenny
get on with her English group?
75% pass rate, wasn't it?
You're supposed to be making me feel
better. Where's Susan? I want Susan.
She's still with Clare
going through the averages.
- You think you've got problems.
- He's fucked up his mocks,
they'll probably sack him -
where's the problem?
Oh, and there was me worrying.
I'll get another round in.
He seems a bit brighter.
(Alarm)
- (Simon groans)
- Come on! It's gone 7:30.
I'm not going in.
Bob had a real go at me yesterday
about my mock results,
made me feel like
a complete fucking twat.
(Sighs) If he'd have been angry
I could've handled it
but he was so disappointed.
And don't try and talk me into going.
It's a shithole and I hate it.
Plus I've got a headache, OK?
- What?
- Probably sack me anyway.
Well, then you won't have
to go in at all, will you?
Lately
All my clothes have been so dirty
And threadbare
They have been overused
My heart battered and bruised
Thankless for my views, well no more
Think of your family,
home is the place to be
Think of your family once more, yeah
Think of your family ♪
- Ah, just the man.
- If it's about my mocks
It's almost certain your post
will become permanent next term.
The local authority
have dredged up some extra cash.
Exciting, eh?
Oh, and could you have
a shave before the open evening?
The whole point is to make
a good impression on parents.
- Were your mock results bad?
- No!
(Clare) Good.
Ridiculous - an open day
in the middle of the big push.
It's a welcome distraction.
No, that's a bomb scare
and two days off.
- Four o'clock.
- Your office.
I wonder if I'll get a last cigarette?
Just a quick word on the open evening.
I know it's a pain but
it's important for our future
that we make a good impression
on prospective pupils and parents.
It's not just for me, it's for you as well.
No students, no school.
No school, no jobs.
- No jobs, no grief.
- No woman, no cry.
Can someone take
the brochures to the printers'?
I've a soccer exhibition to organise.
- I've got a delivery.
- Clogged gas tap in lab three.
Simon?
- I can't do it.
- Why not?
- Haven't got a car.
- Borrow mine.
It's too dodgy, what if I had a prang?
- Just say you don't want to do it.
- I don't want to do it.
Thanks, everyone.
For all your support.
..day out
We're going down
Yes, we're going down
We're going down ♪
Maybe we should go and help Susan.
It's her own fault.
She shouldn't have volunteered.
You should make your bid for freedom
- while you've got the chance.
- I know.
You were shitting yourself
about being out of work.
I was shitting myself
about being kicked out.
- A subtle difference.
- So you don't want the job?
Last night I'd have said yeah.
This morning, no way.
At breakfast, maybe.
Start of school, no again.
In class, yeah. Now
fuck knows.
(Bell)
(All sigh)
Peter, D. Jason, B.
- Cheryl, D and Arnie, E/F.
- (Laughter)
This is one good thing
about these results.
- It can only get better.
- Why were they so bad?
We're gonna analyse that and sort it.
Turn to the poem in front of you -
Life Doesn't Frighten Me At All
by Maya Angelou.
If I get an F in the real exam I'm fucked.
"Mocks" means pretend, not serious.
We've got time to sort things out.
Have I ever let you down before?
I promise that by the time the
biggie comes around we'll be ready, OK?
OK. Now read.
(Wind whistling)
- Finished?
- (All murmuring) Yes.
(Simon) What do you reckon?
- Like it, hate it?
- Who cares?
God knows I'd rather
be doing something else
but here we all are
with a lot of work to do.
If you don't want to teach,
what's the point?
- (Arnie) Why become a teacher?
- I don't know.
I had an enjoyable, carefree life.
Suddenly I was in front of you idiots.
- So, do you hate it?
- At this precise moment
- very much.
- (Cheryl) Pack it in then.
- (Simon) Maybe I will.
- Where would that leave us?
- With a free period.
- Back to the poem.
At least we get to leave this shithole.
If you're not careful,
you'll still be here in 30 years' time.
"Life doesn't frighten me
- "..at all."
- Sir?
(Quick writing on blackboard)
(Jeremy) Sir?
You're still not explaining it properly!
Uh! Ah! Get off!
Memorise as much as you can
before this evening.
(Simon) What are they?
Stats relating
to the school position in league tables.
- You'll be quizzed on this.
- If a parent asks,
you'll look a right twat if you don't know.
- So what's new?
- Coming for a drink beforehand?
- What?
- A drink?
- With you?
- Me, Kurt, Brian.
- I'm seeing Clare first.
- What about Susan?
- She's up to her eyes.
- You've asked everyone?
- I think so.
- Are you coming?
- No, I gotta see Bob.
- Well, you know where we are.
- (Brian) Right, I, er
- Good luck.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
Judas.
- (Susan) Not going?
- No.
- You could give me a hand, then.
- No, I've got a meeting with Bob.
Right.
I was the last person to be asked
for a drink, can you believe that?
Did you know my job
was being made permanent?
Not until today. Good news, though.
(Scoffs) I don't want to be stuck here
another ten minutes, let alone ten years.
- All I get is shit every day.
- Whose fault is that?
Whose?
- Mine?
- It's worth considering.
- How is it mine?
- You don't put in the work,
you're uncommitted,
you cover what you like in class
in whatever way you want.
You're unhelpful, unmanageable
Anything else?
..and if there's extra work,
you can't be found.
I do extra work.
When it suits you.
In the meantime,
it's always the same suckers -
if we waited around for help or support
we'd die disappointed.
I've had a lot on my mind.
Who hasn't?
It's funny how I watch the day go by ♪
Simon.
I'm sitting watching TV talk shows high
They're banging on the walls,
my head aches
I'm drinking out the world that I hate
I had a big car, new clothes, everything
I had a watch engraved in Switzerland
Today I saw her buying a magazine
It's time to get myself some therapy
How can I stop this?
How can I stop this?
How can I stop this disease? ♪
There are some very interesting answers,
some unusual opinions.
For me, it was about what
the poem was communicating to
There was a lack of technical expertise,
no understanding
of structure, tone, rhythm.
Your coverage
of certain areas of the syllabus
is at best patchy
and at worst non-existent.
(Creaking)
Your job is to teach the syllabus
and get them through exams.
Anything else is a waste
of time and resources.
That's what you're paid for.
Take it or leave it.
(Snapping)
My primary concern is the pupils.
We need to sort this out a.s.a.p.
before any more damage is done.
(Creaking)
I'll ask another teacher
to oversee your work
for the next couple of weeks
and get you back on track.
- Who?
- I thought Jenny.
- How would that be?
- Perfect.
Just go
Where the best cause takes you
And later you'll make
The same mistake
Till the desk job breaks you
And the call ♪
I'll get straight to the point, Clare.
I want to be a better teacher.
Very glad to hear it.
I don't think I'll become one
by just teaching PE.
- I feel like I've got more to offer.
- Good.
What would I have to do to get back
into a proper classroom?
You could start by making yourself
available as cover.
Sounds good to me.
Was there anything else?
No, no. Brilliant. Thanks.
Make sure every parent gets
the brochure and pamphlet
and then direct them in here
for the welcome speeches.
- Are you listening?
- They've got pages upside down.
- What?
- Well
I've looked at a few and
pages two and four are upside down.
Shit. Right, grab a pile and follow me.
Look around,
it's a feeling that's gone ♪
Pass and move.
(Brian) Move!
(Boy) And again!
Good pass, good ball. Go on, then.
They're all gonna play
for England one day.
- How did it go with Clare?
- She's behind me 100%.
(Brian) What do you call that?
The Lambada?
I don't want to be trying to kick a ball
around when I'm 60.
I suppose so.
Whereas, if I'm doing what you're doing,
I could still have another
five years left in the classroom.
- Why aren't you changed?
- Miss Page needs me in the hall.
- What about soccer?
- I'm reading in the hall.
- I need you out here.
- She'll rip into me if I'm not there.
I'll rip into you if you're not out here.
No offence, sir,
but I'd rather piss you off.
Hang on.
Is friction about to enter
the house of sweetness and light?
- Jenny's reasonable.
- She's a cow.
- Oi!
- (Simon) He's got a point.
As soon as Darren's finished
I want you to start, Emily.
I don't want a huge gap
so watch him and anticipate.
- (Brian) Can I have a word?
- Where have you been?
- I need him for soccer skills.
- He's down to read.
He's the best player in the school.
- Where are you going?
- To read.
- I'm sure we can compromise.
- You need him right now?
Just for when people
come through the gate.
I can move him to the end if you can let
him go as soon as everyone's in the hall.
- Sorted, then.
- Good.
(Whistles) Hey!
- Bit of a shock, is it?
- What?
Seeing two reasonable
people reaching a compromise?
- No, just a disappointment.
- This will cheer you up.
Bob and I have pinpointed where
your syllabus coverage is poor.
We need to meet up.
- Discuss teaching schedules.
- (Snores)
- Great! Great.
- I'm looking forward to it.
Sorted, then.
I've been up here almost too long
It's only fair
they should start to raise the fare
I'm laughing ♪
Eight minutes and counting.
Me and Brian have stashed a few
light refreshments away if you fancy it.
- Is the Pope Polish?
- I dunno. Is he?
- 7:45.
- Have you memorised the sheet?
Have I, bollocks.
What if you're asked
an awkward question?
What I've said for the last four years -
"I'm sorry,
I'm new to the school, try him."
Then I point to Stephen.
And off they go.
Seven and a half minutes.
And remember,
we're here to sell the school,
so let's look enthusiastic
and happy to be here.
Love junkies
and over to the edge and in
I'm thinking if I could ♪
- And now, genie!
- (All) Ooh!
- The towering inferno!
- (All) Ooh!
To the left, to the right
Round and round and out of sight
Up and down, side to side
You're searching all over far and wide
To the left, to the right
Round and round and out of sight
Up and down, side to side
Searching all over far and wide
I was sitting at the station
waiting for my train ♪
Excuse me?
Hi.
Could you describe the pastoral side,
what part religion plays
in the daily routine?
Erm Sorry,
I've only been here a short time.
However, Mr McKenna
has been here a lot longer,
I'm sure he can help you. Mr McKenna?
This couple are keen to grasp
the religious make-up of the school.
- Really?
- Yeah.
No need to go into minute detail,
I'm sure a broad overview will suffice.
- I'll leave you in his capable hands.
- (Woman) Thank you.
I'll find you later.
(Crowd gasp and applaud)
Have you met Mr Dorking?
(Crowd shouting)
Aargh!
You all right?
Just wait there, OK?
- Enjoying yourselves?
- Gasping for a fag.
- You and me both.
- (Sighs) It's a waste of time,
he's coming here
whether he likes it or not.
- Did Susan find you?
- I gave my job to Tod Chambers.
- Did you tell her?
- No.
What are the chances of getting shot
if I light up in here?
Pretty good.
We usually just nip round the back.
You can't do that, the place
is swarming with parents
wanting to send their kids here.
Oh, for God's sake, follow me
and try to look inconspicuous.
Doesn't matter if you don't have
a terminal at home,
all the work can be done here.
Erm, I'm taking orders.
What do you want to drink?
- Drink?
- I'm, erm, taking orders.
Erm, three pints of lager
and a whisky chaser if you're asking.
Er, cup of tea and three sugars.
(Susan) We need to get
into the first readings.
- So, who's announcing it?
- Arnie.
- Well, where is he?
- He's supposed to be
thanking everyone as well.
Maybe Jenny could do it.
Obviously not.
I need to get some
more brochures - you do it.
- What do I say?
- I don't know, erm
"Ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to present readings
"performed by members of the school."
Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs Gately
would like to say a few words.
(Scattered applause)
Ladies and gentlemen,
we'd like to present readings
performed by members of the school.
I only started to learn about stuff
after I'd left school.
- Yeah, me too.
- No clue what I wanted to do.
Still don't.
- What about you?
- No, you'll take the piss.
You might not need certain subjects.
- Well, I'll need English.
- Not necessarily.
I'll need English to be an English teacher.
Fucking hell!
Cheers.
(Noisy gulping)
Fucking hell!
(Belches)
I'm parched!
Obviously.
What happened?
Tried to beat me with the old Cruyff
shuffle, it was never gonna come off.
Go on, son. At least he can still read.
(Susan) Have you seen Arnie out there?
- No. Have you seen Simon?
- No.
- What about enjoying life?
- That's what I told him.
It's your responsibility to piss about
and put off settling down
as long as possible.
Aren't you supposed to be telling me
to think about the future?
Bollocks to that.
(Simon) It's a big decision.
The teaching part of it
is great, no question.
(Sighs) But the hassle that goes with it
you wouldn't believe.
People say it's a secure job -
that's a laugh.
There again, nothing's secure.
It's a scary job to do
but just as scary not to do it.
I mean, what other profession
would have me?
(Susan) Simon?
- Susan?
- Better get back to the hall.
- I was, er
- I don't want to hear it.
- Lighten up a bit, will you?
- You're telling me to lighten up?
You take everything
so fucking seriously these days.
Susan?
Your really have no idea, have you?
If I had three wishes I'd wish for five ♪
Erm, we've run out of pamphlets.
There are extras under the photocopier.
A parent is challenging everyone
with an alternative list of statistics.
- Clare can deal with it.
- She wants you.
I was only gone two fucking minutes.
Just decide what you want
and then make it happen
Just decide what you want
and then make it happen ♪
- Peter?
- Where is she?
- Is there a problem?
- We agreed she'd leave
once things were up and running.
- Maybe she forgot.
- She's got 15 minutes
to get into this and get ready to go out.
- She's up to her eyeballs.
- Not for much longer she isn't.
"In peace there's nothing
so becomes a man
"as modest stillness and humility"
And I'm telling you that these were
the published stats for last year.
- Now, I can carry on
- "..disguise fair nature
"with hard-favour'd rage"
Which group are the Luxtons
supposed to be with?
- Can we clear this up?
- I can't do everything.
- They're with Arnie's group.
- Not on my list.
No? No, sorry,
they're with, erm Hang on.
- Susan.
- I had a list.
Has someone messed
with these papers?
- (Sighs)
- Can we get back to you?
- I had a list.
- Why not divvy everyone up now?
- Because I had a list.
- Well, you don't now.
- Oh, God.
- What?
- You sort it.
- (Liz) Where are you going?
Susan?
What are you doing? Stand still.
- What are you doing here?
- You've forgotten, haven't you?
You've known about this dinner
for weeks, for Christ's sake.
You know how important this is to me.
- I'm sorry.
- We can still make it.
Put this on and let's get out of here.
- I'm not coming.
- Yes, you are.
- (Clare) Is there a problem?
- Get into this dress.
I'm busy.
- I'm not asking you again.
- Let go of my arm.
- You need to get changed.
- Get off me.
"who, though I speak it before his face
"if he not be fellow with the best king
"thou shalt find
the best king of good fellows."
I've had enough of this.
No, I've had enough.
You haven't noticed.
Noticed what?
Not once have you asked
about my new job,
how my day's been, how the week went.
All I ever hear is what you want,
what you need.
- I've been busy too.
- Stuff your dinner. Go to hell.
- Don't be absurd.
- I'm sick of it.
And I'm sick of you, actually.
You're one extra thing
I could do without.
I've tried here but I can't do it.
I'm suffocating.
- You've done a great job.
- I can't cope any more.
Look, just leave me alone, everyone.
- Leave her.
- Go to hell.
You've become
an arrogant, pompous arsehole
and the last thing she needs
is an arrogant, pompous arsehole.
You what?
People only put up with you these days
because of Susan.
And if she's decided
to be honest with you,
why the fuck shouldn't I?
Susan!
(Panting) Are you OK?
Looks like I'm off
Peter's Christmas card list too.
I didn't expect much support
from him or Clare -
she's under more pressure than anyone -
but I expected more from you.
It's not a bad philosophy -
don't put yourself out for anyone
so people stop expecting anything,
don't try so you never fail -
but I'm meant to be your best friend.
And I needed help and you weren't there.
(Sighs) I'm sorry.
If it's not about you
it isn't worth bothering with.
- That's not true.
- Isn't it?
Does not making the effort
even for your friends
make you wonder whether
you're really cut out for this job?
Cos it fucking should.
(Maggie) Oh, poor Susan.
I've never seen her like that before.
Completely irrational.
She even had a go at me.
Did anyone go with her
to make sure she was all right?
She drove off before
anyone had a chance.
And how was Peter?
Who cares?
You should ring her, you know.
She said that maybe
I wasn't cut out for teaching.
At least you agree on something.
I didn't say that, I said I don't know
if it's what I want to do.
- But if you hate doing it
- I don't. I hate
..being it.
Yesterday one of my kids told me
he wanted to be a teacher.
I did my best to talk him out of it.
- Why?
- He should aim higher.
What did you want to be at school?
- Rich.
- And that was it?
Oh, it was the '80s.
He looked at you and thought,
"Teaching,
"what a fantastic doss,
that'd be a laugh."
- Yeah. (Sighs)
- It means you're a role model.
I wanna be like you ♪
(Whispering) I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
What a terrifying fucking thought.
I wanna be like you
I'll treat you like you want me to
Then maybe we could do
the things that we would like to do
But I just can't get a hold on you
I wanna be like you
I wanna be like you
I'll treat you like you want me to
You haven't got a clue
How I try and try each day and night
But I just can't seem to get it right
I wanna be like you
- Doing all the things ♪
- How's Susan?
- I don't know.
- Have you not spoken to her?
No, I thought I should let
her and Peter get things sorted.
What's that lot?
It's a framework
for responding to poetry.
It's useful for looking
at tone, pace, mood.
- A framework to appreciate poetry?
- Students like it.
This is going to make me
a better teacher?
There's always hope.
(Bob) She always struck me
as so together.
How long does it take
to get over a breakdown?
My auntie suffered
a breakdown when she was 26.
She was a vegetable till she died at 85.
You know how to lighten up a room.
We've had four major crashes
and three mini-crises in four years.
They should put that in the prospectus.
Firstly, thank you very much
for your hard work yesterday.
I think it went reasonably well,
considering.
Susan called me at home this morning
and she's decided to take some time off.
- (Jenny) How is she?
- She says she's feeling fine.
(Liz) I got a card,
if everyone could sign it.
"Looking forward to seeing you
back at work, love, Liz."
Well, that'll cheer someone up who's just
had a breakdown because of work.
(Bob) With Susan away
we need to cover her lessons.
Any chance of a late morning, Kurt?
- Up to my neck in diagnostics.
- Simon?
I'm afraid since you reassigned me
I'm entirely in Jenny's hands.
- You'll have to ask her.
- I had hoped to monitor Simon today,
see what we need to concentrate on.
- Sorry, Bob.
- Brian!
- Bob?
- Look at your schedule,
see if we can fit you in.
Fantastic.
(Clare) Head of year duties
will need to be divided up.
Can you take over admin, Jenny?
And Simon, can you take pastoral care?
That covers it.
Any problems, you know where I am.
I'm not sure I should
take over pastoral care.
Discipline's never been my thing
and as for counselling
See it as a chance
to learn new skills. Like Brian.
In fact, Susan suggested you
specifically for the job.
You might surprise yourself.
- Doubt it.
- Thought about your job?
Lots of thoughts, nothing concrete.
Don't think about it for too long.
Susan's not at home at the moment,
she's staying in a B&B.
- Be good if someone went round.
- Absolutely.
I'll leave it with you, then.
(Crashing)
Arnie? Arnie?
I've been, er thinking about
what you said about teaching
and I've realised that
I may have sounded a bit
..derogatory.
Just because I think
teaching's a difficult job
shouldn't mean that you can't
If you look at me and think, "Yeah!"
then that's great, really great, and, er
me and your Dad should
Don't be put off.
If it's what you wanna do,
then I'm behind you 100%.
- I'm, er I'm flattered, to be honest, OK?
- Whatever.
Back in your seats.
(Justin) Has Mrs Gately
gone off her trolley, sir?
She's had a breakdown,
so I don't want to hear any talk
about madness or nutcases,
is that clear?
Right. Now, can anyone tell me
what you've been working on
with Mrs Gately
before she went home?
(Giggling)
(Simon) Mrs Gately did not go mad.
She was seen being carted off
in a straitjacket.
- (Laughter)
- On your desks are some papers.
This is a learning aid
we're going to use today.
- Oh, boring.
- "Number one. Briefly introduce
"the title of the poem
and the name of the poet."
Challenging stuff so far.
Can teachers carry on teaching
if they've gone mad?
In some schools it's a requirement.
So, in here we put
Life Doesn't Frighten Me At All
by Maya Angelou.
What if it happens to her again?
- She might attack someone.
- (Laughter)
(Simon) Put your pens down
and listen to me.
Mrs Gately didn't have a breakdown,
she had a normal, healthy rant
and I'm sure is now
feeling a whole lot better.
- Has she left the school?
- No.
She was working hard
and a lot of people, myself included,
didn't realise how much she'd taken on.
She's always been there
to help and support others
but when she needed help we
I let her down.
She's a terrific person
and has been a good friend to me
and a lot of people in school.
I'm feeling really shit about it,
so can we change the subject?
(Simon) Good.
"Number two. Classify the poem.
"Is it a sonnet, a ballad, a lyric?"
Can we get on with the class, please?
- What caused it, sir?
- I don't know,
you're the ones doing psychology.
Psychology is the study
of human behaviour.
Psychiatry deals with
mental disorders.
Who mentioned mental disorders?
- Will she come back, sir?
- Look,
lots of people go through this
and come back.
Like who?
Stan Collymore.
"Part six. Communication.
"What is the poet
communicating to the reader?"
- She's not scared of anything.
- Except?
- In her dreams.
- And her dreams are?
- (Jeremy) They're
- Shut up, Jeremy.
(Simon) Anyone?
"I've got a magic charm
that I keep up my sleeve.
"I can walk the ocean floor
and never have to breathe."
What is her magic charm?
She has nothing to be afraid of,
except in her dreams.
What stops her being frightened?
- Jeremy?
- Herself.
Exactly. She has nothing
to be afraid of
because she's always had
a belief in herself. (Sighs)
And she finishes defiantly with,
"Life doesn't frighten me at all,
not at all, not at all.
"Life doesn't frighten me at all."
"Part seven. Conclusions."
(Bell)
With a bit of luck
I'll see you all next week.
- You handled that well.
- The framework?
I was thinking more
of the questions about Susan.
Thanks.
Pity you can't apply that thought process
to things as they happen.
So, what marks do I get for the lesson?
B, I reckon. Could do better.
Yeah, well, it was a really thrilling lesson.
If I could program a robot
to point at the board,
I could stay in bed all day
and let him get on with it.
At least you're covering all the work.
How have I managed
without you so long?
Badly.
Clare felt that someone ought
to see Susan.
- Send her my love.
- She didn't say me.
You'd be the best person to go.
I'm crap in those situations,
I start grinning like an idiot.
Hospital visits,
remembrance services, funerals
- A nervous reaction.
- Exactly.
- I wouldn't know what to say.
- Say what you said in there.
- What did I say?
- About how she felt unsupported
and how bad you felt
for not recognising that.
See? You're a natural.
(Kurt) You're making me sick now.
(Brian) I had them eating out
of the palm of me hand.
Anyone fancy a pint or two?
I've got to get a couple
of books from the library.
Have you been
formally introduced to Yoda?
Don't knock a bit of commitment.
It's rare enough round here.
Lend us your phone.
I'm not knocking commitment,
I'm just knocking it in you.
Ah! Ta.
(Imitates bleeping along with mobile)
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, now
Hi, Mags, it's me.
Fancy joining us for a drink?
- No, I haven't been sacked.
- Not yet.
Yeah, in about 10 minutes, yeah?
See you down there. Bye.
- Is Jenny going?
- She had to rush off.
- Shame.
- Yeah.
- See you down there?
- See you down there.
- Arnie Lawson?
- Bit embarrassing, really.
Wants to be an English teacher?
Well, I must be doing something right.
- (Laughs)
- What?
You think he wants to be like you?
He just wants to ponce about
reading poetry, going,
"Oh, what is this saying to you?"
"Oh, look at me,
I've mastered a keyboard."
Come on, come on,
could you ever be one in a million?
I'm gonna step up the pace
if you're ready to face ♪
You should've gone
to see Susan yourself.
She doesn't need me,
she needs another woman.
- She'd have done it for you.
- Which is my point.
We all need a woman in that situation.
If I was in need of a bit of looking after,
I wouldn't want
Kurt and Brian turning up.
I'd be very sympathetic.
Exactly.
Ah, fuck me, it's Socrates.
(Sigh) It's the only one
they had on psychology.
You'll have your work cut out
getting through that.
I'll skim it. Fucking fascinating subject.
We could all learn a lot off these boys.
- Want a pint?
- Better have a half.
Lot of reading to do tonight.
Make it a pint. It's easier to skim
when you're a bit pissed, isn't it?
He was nursing that book
like it was a baby.
Did you see when
the barman tried to pick it up?
- I thought he'd smack him!
- Ah, sweet.
Seemed pretty determined. Kept
his consumption down to five pints.
- Hm, must be serious then, eh?
- Hm.
(Radio) '..accident on the A470
still causing'
Would you say you liked your job?
Erm sometimes.
Only sometimes?
Yeah, when I get
to drive around like a maniac,
intimidating people and locking them up
when they piss me off.
I can see that.
The last bit was a joke.
I spotted it.
How would you feel about going out
with a proper full-time teacher?
I dunno, what's he look like?
..there's only time to thrill
So when I am up and you are down
Baby, that's when
you've got to come around
Gotta ease my pain
and soothe my brain
Gotta take me in out of this rain
Something's on so don't be late
It's time to leave for the higher state
There is no rhyme
to express my emotion
There's only rhyme to feel
And there is no rhyme
to fulfil my devotion
There's only rhyme to heal ♪
So, are we all clear
about who's covering what?
Yep.
You've got two pastoral appointments
this morning.
One case of graffiti
and a bullying incident
Mr McKenna brought to my attention.
- (Mouths)
- (Bob) Er, next week
I'll have worked out what needs
to be done in terms of overall cover.
But in the meantime
we're just going to have to
Susan.
Erm before you ask, I'm feeling fine.
It's, er good to see you.
- Are you sure?
- Er, yes.
- Have you got the rota?
- Yeah, sure.
Thanks.
Don't sit there gawping,
you're making me feel like an exhibit.
What happened?
Why are you back so soon?
Just needed to get a few things straight.
Jenny was a real help.
I wasn't much use to you when, erm
I'm sorry.
- I didn't expect anything else.
- No.
It's all right.
How's Peter?
I've left him.
You've what?
Left him.
- Good.
- Yeah, it's good.
- Anything I can do
- Thanks.
And because I'm a much
better friend than you are,
I want to apologise for what I said.
Right.
You're just a different kind
of teacher, no less valid.
Thanks.
You might as well have this,
seeing as you're better.
No need to sound so disappointed.
Thanks.
- I'd have come round tonight.
- Right.
Maggie wondered if you fancied
kipping at ours for a bit.
We've got a sofa bed.
Anything's better than a B&B.
I'm fine, actually.
Jenny's offered me a room in her place.
And she's accepted.
- I'm moving in tonight.
- Come round if you want.
No, I'll
First night and all that,
I'll let you settle in first.
I got up to page 63 too.
I'm gonna die in a fucking tracksuit.
Living it up in the city
Keeping the pressure down
The good and the bad and the pretty
Throwing the word around
That's it
All I wanted was a waste of time
Now I'm free to go ♪
- Is she in?
- Got an appointment?
- It'll take a minute.
- So will booking in.
If I book one
I might change my mind again
and then I won't need an appointment.
Thanks for understanding.
Just wanted to tell you
I want my job if it's becoming permanent.
Good. I'm pleased to hear it.
I've made my mind up about teaching.
Me too. I'm pleased for you.
Yeah, I've just found out
what you lot earn.
Bollocks to that.
Life's not just about money, you know.
What about job satisfaction?
Yeah, right.
- This is from Clare.
- What's this?
- An application form.
- A what?
You didn't think they were
just going to hand you the job?
You write your name here - "Name",
and this is where you write
your address - "Address".
And here it says, "Why do you want
the job?" and you say,
"I don't know. really,
I can't think of anything else to do."
Fucking fantastic.