The Bad Guys: Breaking In (2025) s01e06 Episode Script

1
My bad! I thought I deactivated
all the security measures.
This is one well-guarded dentist office.
Not a dentist office.
Really?
So I didn't need to pull that guy's tooth?
Does no one listen
to my pre-heist game plans?
-You do those?
-No.
This a high-tech pharmaceutical lab
that just developed a cream
that replicates the properties
of the fountain of youth.
We're gonna steal it
and turn it into cold, hard cash.
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
We should keep some for ourselves,
because good skincare is priceless.
And you've all made it no secret
that my ingénue days are behind me.
With all this security, there's got to be
more primo loot to steal.
I haven't really satisfied
my steal-all-I-can-while-I-can itch yet.
Snake, we got it.
Let's get out while we're ahead.
You worry too much, Wolfie.
Let me just grab a few more things.
It will be f--
Whoa!
Snake!
Oh, no. He's… adorable!
Me? Adorable?
No!
Thanks for the longest car ride
of my life, Piranha. It was so, uh…
What's the opposite of fun?
I will not apologize for driving safely
with such precious cargo on board.
Who's a good little
baby Snakey! Yes, you are!
I hate this! We gotta figure out
a way to change me back.
Look on the bright side, Snake.
Now you can get away with way more crime.
No one suspects a baby
of being a master thief.
Yeah. Where would they even
stash their loot? Their diaper?
-Should we all start wearing diapers?
-Hang on. That gave me an idea.
Might be the first good idea
anyone in this group has ever had.
Okay. Offensive.
We could take advantage of
me being an adorable little twerp
to pull off a BBBG.
An IRL BBBG?
Ooh! I thought the BBBG was only a myth,
like the benefits of vitamins.
Are you spelling things
so I won't understand?
Because that is not K-E-W-L!
He's talking about
the Baby Basket Baron Gambit.
The Baby Basket Baron Gambit?
The most infamous long con of all time.
The BBBG makes an LLLG look like a PPOK.
The BBBG is simple.
You start by leaving a child
on the doorstep of a wealthy,
childless baron.
You know, barons.
Richie Rich tycoons
who amass colossal wealth
to fill the hole in their hearts?
The crooked kid
slowly embeds into the baron's life
in order to find out where he keeps
his most prized possessions.
Blinded by love,
the baron suspects nothing
as the kid steals said possessions,
before disappearing
under the cover of night.
That sounds awesome.
I want to do the BBBG!
No way! We're not doing a BBBG!
Let's move on!
Can we all pretend
I said that in a non-shouty way?
It feels like we're overlooking the fact
that we just pulled off
a successful heist.
Plus, I made some calls and have contacts
willing to fence the cream for us.
Or they're on the fence about us.
I didn't have great reception.
Either way, we should be celebrating,
and figuring out a way to turn Snake
back into his hideous, adult self.
Don't worry about me, Wolfie.
A few cups of coffee and a week's worth
of world news will age me up in no time.
Right now, we should focus on the BBBG.
You okay, Wolf? Your eye is twitching.
And a minute ago, you shouted at the top
of your lungs in a passionate rage.
Is something from your past
driving your decision-making?
-No.
-Great. Okay, so--
It all happened when I was just a pup.
My mentor and I tried to pull a BBBG.
Things were going well,
but then I got in too deep.
Once I was on the inside,
there was so much to steal,
I lost track of the actual target.
I didn't know
where the BBBG ended and I began.
Ahem! Dramatic monologues are my thing.
Right. Anyway, my mentor had to
blow my cover and pull me out.
The whole thing was a disaster.
And I vowed
never to try a con like that ever again.
I hear you, Wolf.
You were a failure in the past.
But The Bad Guys have done
just about every type of crime there is.
Heists, burglaries,
larceny, petty and grand.
Fraud, putting mayo on everything,
using speakerphones in public,
piracy, both kinds.
Not respecting TGIF,
leaving the toilet seat up,
wet willies, dry willies,
humid Steves, grand theft auto.
Buffet-sneezing, undertipping,
and crimes of fashion. Can't forget that.
But we've never done a con.
How can we call ourselves real criminals
if we haven't pulled a con?
And besides, this time,
I'll be the one on the inside,
and you'll be…
Your mentor.
You'll have to follow my plan
and do what I say. I'm in!
Uh… Fine.
All we need now
is to find a childless baron.
Got one!
What? I have a news alert
for newly arrived barons,
recently departed bishops,
and limited-edition sneaker drops.
His name is Baron von Tuskington.
Just moved to town, and is always
photographed wearing this crown.
I'm sure it's worth a pretty penny.
There's crowns, and then there's crowns.
Wowie!
Well, we've got our target.
Looks like The Bad Guys are…
Oh, yeah. No, no, no.
Well, I was thinking I would say it,
since it was my idea.
Sure thing. Go ahead.
-Looks like The Bad Guys are pulling--
-…are pulling a con!
Okay, everyone remember the plan.
Webs, you're going in
as Snake's stuffed animal.
Once you're inside, set up your cameras
so we find
where the baron keeps that crown.
Copy.
Snake, I know it's hard,
but you're supposed to be a kid,
so you have to act like a little kid.
Look how hideously adorable I am.
How could this not work?
And remember,
don't let yourself get in too deep.
The target is the crown. The crown.
Say it back to me. Crown.
-Wolf, come on. I know what I'm doing.
-All right.
The BBBG is a go.
Debra! The door! It made a noise!
Deb?
Oh! Did I do it right?
I never opened a door before.
It's fun!
Oh, dear!
An abandoned orphan at my doorstep.
I'm afraid you've come at a terrible time.
My girl Friday, Debra, has left
to "explore other opportunities," and…
you see,
she usually handles this sort of thing.
I'm sure you understand.
What? It's not like I can just a-adopt…
Was it impulsive for me to adopt
a random child left at my door? Perhaps.
But they said the same thing about
me buying that soda factory
just so I could force it
to stop making root beer.
I mean, who likes root beer?
Like, no one.
Root beer is for suckers.
See! That's why you're my boy.
Good night, my precious son.
Told you this would be a piece of cake.
-Just don't lose focus. What's the target?
-The crown.
Wolf, you gotta trust me. I got this.
Time for phase two, finding that crown.
Also phase two,
stop treating Webs like a ragdoll!
Okay. I've tricked out this sippy cup
with a periscopic camera.
We just get the baron to put it
wherever he keeps his goods.
Then we'll see
if the crown is in there too.
No problem.Hey, buddy!
Uh, baby it up a little. Try crying.
Wah!
I'm coming, sweet child!
What's wrong, son?
I had a bad dream.
It was a dream, and in the dream,
somebody stole my sippy cup.
And I-I wonder,
do you think you can lock it up
wherever you keep
your most precious objects?
Oh, surrounded
by all the wealth in the world,
and yet my little tike is worried
about a simple plastic cup.
The things that really matter
are the things we love the most.
And that is you now, my boy.
So, off I go.
He likes the most hideous things.
Target acquired.
Time for phase three,
getting the team inside.
"And the upper class
lived happily ever after.
The end."
Ah, that was great, Pops.
But you know what would make me feel like
a big boy? If I could read it on my own.
Maybe you could hire me a tutor?
Greetings, salutations, and remembrances.
My vocabulary is very extensive
because I'm an expert reader.
Come in.
-Ouch! Owie!
-Shark, just take the glasses off.
No can do.
I built the entire character around them.
And what does this say?
Don't take this the wrong way, Papa,
but you're a terrible cook.
Think we could hire somebody? Please?
Somebody order a chef?
Phase three complete. I can't believe it.
We're actually pulling off the BBBG.
It's all because of me.
I really am a great mentor.
Oh! Ow!
Time for phase four.
Snake, you keep the baron occupied
while the team gets that crown.
Uh, Papa, could you tell me a story?
Preferably a long one.
A very, uh, very long one.
I'll tell you about
the first time I fell in love.
I was sitting in a diner when,
suddenly, approaching me,
I saw a lovely,
round,
smoking-hot…
bowl of soup.
Delivered by a waitress
named Esmerelda, I think.
But this soup was incredible!
It had pumpkin,
it had cardamom, it had soul.
Uh, what do we do?
This is usually Snake's part.
Don't worry.
I have Snake's copy of The Boxman's Code:
Unlocking the Secrets of Unlocking.
-First, face the lock.
-Well, duh! Who wouldn't know how to--
This is impossible.
We're never gonna find the vault.
Oh!
And I didn't brush my teeth for a week,
so the taste of that soup stayed with me
for the rest of my vacation,
which I'm still having.
Oh, I haven't worked a day in my life.
The power of generational wealth.
You know, son, I've never loved
anything as much as that soup.
-That is, until you showed up at my door.
-Really?
And I want to show that love
by bequeathing you my entire fortune.
Does that happen to include any jewelry?
Like, uh, oh, I don't know,
a priceless crown, perhaps?
Oh, good guess.
But the crown is practically lunch money.
The real fortune is my trillions
of dollars in stocks and bonds.
T-t-trillions? With a "T"'?
And an "S" at the end? Trillions?
Those reading lessons
are really paying off.
Yes, my dear son.
And they will all be yours to inherit
once you become an adult.
You know, Pops, all this talk about money
has made me greedy.
I-I mean, hungry.
I'm still learning my words.
I'm gonna go grab a snack.
Now, don't you go anywhere.
Ooh, I want to hear more stories
about your, uh…
I mean, our money.
Put that back!
I've got an even bigger score for us.
My papa's trillion-dollar fortune!
Your papa? Snake, no. Don't do this again.
Just stick to the plan.
No, Wolfie! Wolf!
Just think,
if we play it cool for another,
I don't know, a decade or two,
we'll walk away with trillions.
No, we can't stop now.
You really think you can pretend
to be a baby for that long?
-I really do.
-Oh, no. It's happening.
He's in too deep. Slap him out of it.
I can't slap a baby!
I can!
-Too cute. Can't move.
-Look away! Look away!
I am doing this for the good of the team.
We're about to pull off the longest
long con in history.
Heistory!No, too late.
Snake! No!
This is exactly why
we should have never tried the BBBG!
Wolf, your friends need you,
and you're the only one who can save them.
You're the mentor now, Wolf.
You can do this.
The voice of my former mentor encouraging
me from the grave after all these years?
-Heist Heaven does exist?
-What? No!
It's Webs. Pull it together, man!
Oh, right. Sorry.
Hmm.
Hmm.
I know what I have to do.
Pops, we talked about this.
I am way too old for the airplane.
Do the choo-choo train instead.
Whoo-whoo! Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga.
Ah, that's good stuff.
-Papa?
-Uh, do I know you?
Hey, Pops?
Uh, I-I'm ready for bed.
Why don't you make this stranger go away,
and take me to my room?
Don't go! I-I'm your long-lost son.
My mother's name was Esmerelda.
She always told stories
about the handsome baron
that would come into her diner.
I've been looking for you for years.
She told me to bring you this.
Oh, you do have her eyes.
Pumpkin? Cardamom?
I would recognize the delicious aroma
of that soup anywhere.
Oh, it must be true!
Come on in, new new son.
No way! The baron's real son showed up
right in the middle of our thing?
-You know that's Wolf, right?
-Wolf is the baron's real son?!
Shh! I want to hear this.
Wolf is doing the unthinkable.
He's trying to pull off an LLLG,
the Long Lost Lovechild Gambit,
while confronting
the failures of his past.
Oh, sorry, boys. I couldn't find the chef.
Probably pulled a Debra.
Fortunately, we have one heck
of a bowl of soup to share.
You know, you look kind of familiar.
Don't see how that's possible.
Ah, but maybe you just remind me of
a character from a book I was reading.
He had a very unhappy ending.
Not to brag, but your brother is
a pretty advanced reader.
The joys of fatherhood,
teaching your child to read.
By hiring a person to do that for you.
He seems mature for his age.
How old are you?
I don't know. Four?
F-five-ish? No, three. Wait, no!
Like, maybe, you know, one to six?
That's an interesting age.
I was born in a leap year,
so it's actually pretty normal.
I remember being that age.
Being young,
never knowing when to stop playing
and focus on
what I was supposed to be doing.
No idea what you're talking about.
And I'd watch what I say if I were you.
Sibling rivalries are to be expected,
but just know
that I love you both the same.
Boy, all this reuniting with family
has tired me out.
I guess I'll see you
in the morning, baby bro.
Actually, I was thinking my big bro and I
could have a sleepover.
Really get to bond.
That is a beautiful idea.
Mwah! Mwah!
Where do you think you're going?
To rescue our team.
You never know when to stop.
You get in too deep.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
-Stealing trillions of dollars.
-What are you talking about?
It will never work.
You can't pretend to be his son
for 20 years.
You're just afraid of blowing it again,
like you did with your mentor.
I'm the mentor now.
I'm making sure The Bad Guys get out
with the crown, as planned.
Want to wiggle with me, little baby?
-Think you can stop--
-What's going on here?
Papa, help! He's not really your son.
He was trying to rob us,
but I stopped him.
Oh…
That's right. Like all richies,
I'm trained in Elizabethan swordplay.
I must defend my home,
and protect my son from…
Uh-oh.
The effects
of the de-aging chamber wore off.
W-what's going on?
Uh… Snakes just, uh,
age differently, you know?
Puberty hits us hard, Papa.
What can I say? Hey.
The good news, now that I'm an adult,
you can just go ahead
and give me those trillions of dollars.
Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
I fell for a BBBG?
And an LLLG?
You were after my crown, weren't you?
Thank goodness.
It's just the chef and the tutor.
And… Oh, wait.
You're all part of it?!
You won't get away with this!
Run!
Come back here!
Whoa! Hey, whoa!
Papa?
Hmm?
Oh, I may be a fool,
but I know my precious baby
is in there somewhere.
And I can't hurt him.
Just go.
Wait!
Can I ask you one last question?
Was I a good papa?
No.
You were a great papa.
And I promise,
there's a snotty little rugrat
somewhere out there who'll love you,
and won't lie to your face
and rob you blind.
Baron von Tuskington
has adopted every orphan in the city.
When asked for comment,
the baron said he'd never been happier,
or more exhausted.
Well, I guess
it's a happy ending all around.
What?
The Bad Guys pulled off two cons
and got the crown.
We only got the crown
because I stepped in.
You would have blown it.
You never know when to stop.
That's why I've got you, Wolfie.
Always there to pull me back.
We're a perfect pair, like oil and water.
Let's never change.
We did pull off our first con as a team.
Plus, I know the perfect buyer
to take all that stolen cream
off our hands.
Good afternoon, sir,
who we've never met before.
Could we interest you in a new cream,
guaranteed to keep brand-new fathers
energetic and spry?