The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show (1983) s01e06 Episode Script
Snoopy: Man's Best Friend
Sometimes I think no one
is ever going to love me.
Sometimes I think no one is ever going
to want to lean over and kiss me.
No one loves me.
No one even likes me.
No one cares about me.
No one loves me.
No one cares.
I don't think anyone is
ever going to love me.
Yes, ma'am. I was told to
report to the principal.
Well, I've been falling
asleep in class, I guess.
And my teacher is
kind of upset about me.
The principal is busy?
Oh, that's okay. I can wait.
I have a problem, Chuck.
I keep falling asleep in school.
My dad has his night job see,
and he doesn't get home
until two in the morning.
I'm afraid to go to
sleep while I'm alone,
so I've been sitting up watching TV.
Do you need someone to stay with you?
I appreciate you coming
to stay with me, Snoopy.
I've been falling asleep in school
because I'm afraid
to go to bed at night.
Now I feel safe because I
know you'll be guarding me.
My dad will be working late
for another whole week,
and I sure hate being at home alone.
Come on, I'll show
you to our guest room.
You'll have it all to yourself.
And I hope you like the water bed.
I sure feel safer with
Snoopy in the house.
Maybe I can get a good
night's sleep for once,
and not feel so tired
in school tomorrow.
Once old Snoopy gets used to the
water bed in the guest room,
I know he'll sleep well, too.
What's that?
I thought I heard a noise.
I'm glad old Snoop
is in the guest room.
Hey, Snoopy!
I thought I heard something.
You better go investigate.
Hey, our TV set is gone.
I knew I heard a noise.
I knew someone was in the house.
Snoopy, Snoopy, get up!
A burglar stole our TV set.
What kind of a watchdog are you?
Get off that water bed
and catch that burglar!
Good grief!
That stupid Chuck.
He can't even own a good watchdog.
The burglars are coming back.
I can hear them in the living room.
They're stealing all our furniture.
Do something, Snoopy!
Scare them off!
Bark at them!
Do something!
Bark at them!
There's a light on in
Peppermint Patty's house.
Sir, your front door was
wide open, so I walked in.
I also think that all
your furniture is gone.
I guess I was lucky that your new
watchdog didn't bite me, huh?
If I ever get off this water bed,
I'm going to bite the watchdog.
Sir, I think some burglars
have stolen all your furniture.
I know they have, Marcy.
Help me get off this stupid water bed.
Stop bouncing, sir.
I can't help you.
Stop calling me sir.
Hello, Chuck.
Let me speak to my
ex-watchdog, will you?
Hello, ex-watchdog.
Thanks for nothing.
Peppermint Patty says you were
lost and that she found you.
Oh?
How in the world could you get lost
right here in our own neighborhood?
Well, it wasn't easy.
It all started very innocently.
Snoopy had taken his beagle scout
patrol on a hike, an overnight hike.
The first night,
the troop went into town
to see the sights and have some fun.
Snoopy got very angry
and he said to all of them,
So you guys went into
town and got in a fight?
Well, what about Harriet?
Where's Harriet?
And one of the little birds
answered, Harriet's in jail.
Jail?
In jail?
Yes, sir. I understand.
One of Snoopy's beagle
scouts got thrown in jail.
I have to go down and get her out.
That stupid dog is more
trouble than he's worth.
Most of us are.
Speak for yourself.
Hello? Sally?
Yes, I have the bird with me.
No, she wasn't in jail.
She had been picked up
by the Humane Society.
Now I have to try and find Snoopy.
I just hope you don't
get lost in the woods.
If you do, can I start moving
my things into your room?
Don't worry, little bird.
I'll help you get back with
Snoopy and your friends.
It's no use talking.
I can't understand a
word you're saying.
I must be out of my mind.
What am I doing walking
through the woods with a bird?
Probably a sarcastic bird at that.
Let me talk to Chuck, will you?
I think he's lost in the woods.
I know what you mean,
but let me talk to him, will you?
Well, bird, I hate to say it, but I
don't have any idea where we are.
I'm getting hungry, too.
You know what would
taste good right now?
A big piece of angel food cake.
Marcy, Chuck's lost in the woods.
He needs us to find him.
Get your backpack, Marcy.
Bring all the things
you need in the woods.
We're a rescue team.
I have everything, sir.
Food, water, and comic books.
It may be a long trip.
You better bring an extra comic book.
This is embarrassing.
I'm supposed to be leading this bird
back to Snoopy and her friends.
And now we're lost.
I hope she doesn't panic.
I'll bet she's getting nervous.
Then again, maybe she isn't.
Good grief, Marcy.
How did you get so tall?
It's my expedition boot, sir.
While we're looking for Chuck,
we might run into some bad weather.
These boots are filled with goose down.
But don't worry, sir.
If we meet a goose, you can
pretend you don't know me.
You know what I think, little bird?
I think you should fly off into the air
and try and find Snoopy by yourself.
Tell him I did my best.
Tell him I'm lost.
Tell him I'm sorry.
Better yet, just say rats.
He'll understand.
You know what we forgot, sir?
We forgot to bring along
an automatic duck plucker.
If we decide to have
duck for dinner,
we should have an
automatic duck plucker.
You don't seem interested, sir.
Look, sir, it's starting to snow.
My toes are cold.
You shouldn't have
worn those sandals.
Maybe we could wrap your
feet with comic books.
If you walk slowly, sir,
I can read your feet.
Chuck, where are you?
Chuck, where are you?
We'll never find him this way, sir.
Maybe we should try something else.
I think you're right, Marcy.
Chuck, you dummy, where are you?
What are you doing home?
Your master's still out in
the woods somewhere.
What kind of a dog are you?
Here's the world-famous faithful dog
braving the blizzard
to find his master.
The comic books are coming
loose from my feet, Marcy.
Pages are flying all over.
Let me see what I can do.
Did you ever read this one, sir?
It's where Spider Person
is on this bridge
and he starts to
Marcy!
Sorry, sir.
When you're looking for someone in
a snowstorm, you have two choices.
You can wander around looking
and looking and looking.
Or you can just stand in one spot
hoping that the lost person comes by.
Chuck, where are you?
Chuck, we can't find you.
Where are you, Chuck?
Chuck, where are you?
We love you, Chuck.
Unless this is a joke.
If it is, we're going to
punch your lights out.
Do you think this could be a joke, sir?
You'd better be lost, Chuck.
Snoopy, I bet you forgot
who you were looking for.
Marcy, I can't walk this way.
The comic books are
coming apart again.
Look, sir.
I think I see somebody.
Chuck, how'd you find us?
We've been looking all over for you.
We just followed the pages
from some comic books.
How'd you like that rescue
operation, Chuck?
Marcy and I braved the blizzard
to find you and your dog.
Oh, and thank you for the kiss.
Kiss?
I didn't kiss anybody.
It must have been Sugar Lips.
I see you made it home, big brother.
I thought you were lost for good.
So I moved a few of my
things into your room.
The books and the record player
will be easy to move back.
The dresser, the couch, the rug,
the end table, the lamp, the bed,
and the Martha Washington
chair will take a little longer.
What are you doing here,
Charlie Brown?
Nothing much.
I just thought I'd stand here
and watch the world go by.
It never came by.
I hate these practice sessions.
Then the wolf became very angry,
and he huffed and puffed,
and he blew the house in.
That's ridiculous.
No animal could huff
and puff that hard.
Have you ever read
The Three Little Pigs?
It's quite a story.
There's this wolf, see?
And he huffed and puffed
I knew it.
Still sleeping.
What a dog.
All right, rise and shine.
You'll never find a better
rabbit chasing day than this.
The sun is shining,
the meadows are green,
and the rabbit's awake.
Don't come back until you
have your whole quota.
The whole trouble with him is he's
never developed his inborn abilities.
I think if he once saw a few rabbits,
he'd realize what he's been missing.
After all, the thrill of the chase
is in his blood, and he surely
All right, I saw that.
But I'm going to pretend
that it never happened.
I'm not going to move.
I'm not going to chase you.
If you bring that ball back here,
before I count to ten,
we'll just pretend that
nothing happened.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine!
Thank you.
That was a very wise decision.
All right, have it your way.
We'll forget the leash.
He should be right along here.
Who should be right along where?
Ah, here he is, my pal.
How sickening.
My buddy.
My good buddy.
My good old buddy.
My true friend.
How revolting.
Every day when I come home
from school, he acts this way.
He's so glad to see me.
Why don't you tell him today is Sunday
and you haven't been to school?
You drive me crazy.
Oh, good grief.
It's time to feed the dog again.
I hate World War One.
I hate the Red Baron.
I hate sopwith camels.
And I hate flying beagles.
I hate
What a bore.
This is great for him.
He'll sit here all day long as
long as I scratch his head.
But what do I get out of it?
A handful of tired fingers.
That's what I get out of it.
I stand here scratching and
scratching and scratching.
I do all the work while
he just sits there.
Sometimes I think he just
takes advantage of me.
I'll end up getting
tendinitis or something.
And I'll have to go to the
doctor and get a shot.
I could stand here until both
my arms fall off for all he cares.
Good grief.
I'm the sort of person people
just naturally take advantage of.
That's the trouble with this world.
Half the people are the kind who
take advantage of the other half.
Well, I'm not gonna be the kind
who gets taken advantage of.
I'm not gonna just stand here
and scratch his head forever.
I refuse to let someone take
advantage of me this way.
I'm not gonna let him do it.
I mean, why should I?
I'm just the sort of person people
naturally take advantage of.
Ooh!
I must admit, he's a very
satisfying person to cook for.
I feel mean!
I hate the world!
By golly, nobody better
get in my way today!
Fight! Fight!
Lucy and Snoopy are having a fight!
Good grief!
Stand still and fight like a man!
What in the world kind
of stupid fight is this?
Here now, you two stop
that fighting! Stop it, I say!
Who's fighting? I surrender!
Stop it! Stop it!
I surrender! I surrender!
I said I surrender!
I'm surprised at you two!
Brawling in the street
like a couple of hoods!
What's the matter with you?
He was standing where
I wanted to walk!
The ultimate crime.
I have mixed emotions about that fight.
I hate brawling, but I have to admit,
I admire the way you stood up to Lucy.
I'd even like to shake your hand,
but I'm afraid she might see me.
Those kids at the playground
think they're so tough!
Well, I'm not out to start any trouble,
but I'm also not afraid of them.
I'm taking the advice
of Theodore Roosevelt.
Speak softly and carry a beagle.
Just where do you think
you're going, kid?
Hey, this is a public playground,
and I've come here to enjoy myself.
Speak softly and carry a beagle.
Get lost, kid.
Yeah, get lost, funny face.
This is a public playground, and
I've come to play in the sandbox.
I thought you were afraid to
go over to the playground.
Not anymore.
I'm following the advice
of Theodore Roosevelt.
Speak softly and carry a beagle.
What happens if you meet someone who
speaks softly and carries a St. Bernard?
All right, kid, get out of the way.
Me and the beagle here are
taking over this playground.
I say get out of the way!
I have a new, improved motto.
Speak loudly and carry a beagle.
All right, kid, stand up.
I run this playground, see?
When I come around, you stand up.
Do you hear me?
If you don't do what I say,
this beagle will bite your leg.
What beagle?
You stupid beagle.
You left me there to get slaughtered.
How could I speak softly and carry
a beagle if the beagle runs away?
You left me there to get slaughtered.
is ever going to love me.
Sometimes I think no one is ever going
to want to lean over and kiss me.
No one loves me.
No one even likes me.
No one cares about me.
No one loves me.
No one cares.
I don't think anyone is
ever going to love me.
Yes, ma'am. I was told to
report to the principal.
Well, I've been falling
asleep in class, I guess.
And my teacher is
kind of upset about me.
The principal is busy?
Oh, that's okay. I can wait.
I have a problem, Chuck.
I keep falling asleep in school.
My dad has his night job see,
and he doesn't get home
until two in the morning.
I'm afraid to go to
sleep while I'm alone,
so I've been sitting up watching TV.
Do you need someone to stay with you?
I appreciate you coming
to stay with me, Snoopy.
I've been falling asleep in school
because I'm afraid
to go to bed at night.
Now I feel safe because I
know you'll be guarding me.
My dad will be working late
for another whole week,
and I sure hate being at home alone.
Come on, I'll show
you to our guest room.
You'll have it all to yourself.
And I hope you like the water bed.
I sure feel safer with
Snoopy in the house.
Maybe I can get a good
night's sleep for once,
and not feel so tired
in school tomorrow.
Once old Snoopy gets used to the
water bed in the guest room,
I know he'll sleep well, too.
What's that?
I thought I heard a noise.
I'm glad old Snoop
is in the guest room.
Hey, Snoopy!
I thought I heard something.
You better go investigate.
Hey, our TV set is gone.
I knew I heard a noise.
I knew someone was in the house.
Snoopy, Snoopy, get up!
A burglar stole our TV set.
What kind of a watchdog are you?
Get off that water bed
and catch that burglar!
Good grief!
That stupid Chuck.
He can't even own a good watchdog.
The burglars are coming back.
I can hear them in the living room.
They're stealing all our furniture.
Do something, Snoopy!
Scare them off!
Bark at them!
Do something!
Bark at them!
There's a light on in
Peppermint Patty's house.
Sir, your front door was
wide open, so I walked in.
I also think that all
your furniture is gone.
I guess I was lucky that your new
watchdog didn't bite me, huh?
If I ever get off this water bed,
I'm going to bite the watchdog.
Sir, I think some burglars
have stolen all your furniture.
I know they have, Marcy.
Help me get off this stupid water bed.
Stop bouncing, sir.
I can't help you.
Stop calling me sir.
Hello, Chuck.
Let me speak to my
ex-watchdog, will you?
Hello, ex-watchdog.
Thanks for nothing.
Peppermint Patty says you were
lost and that she found you.
Oh?
How in the world could you get lost
right here in our own neighborhood?
Well, it wasn't easy.
It all started very innocently.
Snoopy had taken his beagle scout
patrol on a hike, an overnight hike.
The first night,
the troop went into town
to see the sights and have some fun.
Snoopy got very angry
and he said to all of them,
So you guys went into
town and got in a fight?
Well, what about Harriet?
Where's Harriet?
And one of the little birds
answered, Harriet's in jail.
Jail?
In jail?
Yes, sir. I understand.
One of Snoopy's beagle
scouts got thrown in jail.
I have to go down and get her out.
That stupid dog is more
trouble than he's worth.
Most of us are.
Speak for yourself.
Hello? Sally?
Yes, I have the bird with me.
No, she wasn't in jail.
She had been picked up
by the Humane Society.
Now I have to try and find Snoopy.
I just hope you don't
get lost in the woods.
If you do, can I start moving
my things into your room?
Don't worry, little bird.
I'll help you get back with
Snoopy and your friends.
It's no use talking.
I can't understand a
word you're saying.
I must be out of my mind.
What am I doing walking
through the woods with a bird?
Probably a sarcastic bird at that.
Let me talk to Chuck, will you?
I think he's lost in the woods.
I know what you mean,
but let me talk to him, will you?
Well, bird, I hate to say it, but I
don't have any idea where we are.
I'm getting hungry, too.
You know what would
taste good right now?
A big piece of angel food cake.
Marcy, Chuck's lost in the woods.
He needs us to find him.
Get your backpack, Marcy.
Bring all the things
you need in the woods.
We're a rescue team.
I have everything, sir.
Food, water, and comic books.
It may be a long trip.
You better bring an extra comic book.
This is embarrassing.
I'm supposed to be leading this bird
back to Snoopy and her friends.
And now we're lost.
I hope she doesn't panic.
I'll bet she's getting nervous.
Then again, maybe she isn't.
Good grief, Marcy.
How did you get so tall?
It's my expedition boot, sir.
While we're looking for Chuck,
we might run into some bad weather.
These boots are filled with goose down.
But don't worry, sir.
If we meet a goose, you can
pretend you don't know me.
You know what I think, little bird?
I think you should fly off into the air
and try and find Snoopy by yourself.
Tell him I did my best.
Tell him I'm lost.
Tell him I'm sorry.
Better yet, just say rats.
He'll understand.
You know what we forgot, sir?
We forgot to bring along
an automatic duck plucker.
If we decide to have
duck for dinner,
we should have an
automatic duck plucker.
You don't seem interested, sir.
Look, sir, it's starting to snow.
My toes are cold.
You shouldn't have
worn those sandals.
Maybe we could wrap your
feet with comic books.
If you walk slowly, sir,
I can read your feet.
Chuck, where are you?
Chuck, where are you?
We'll never find him this way, sir.
Maybe we should try something else.
I think you're right, Marcy.
Chuck, you dummy, where are you?
What are you doing home?
Your master's still out in
the woods somewhere.
What kind of a dog are you?
Here's the world-famous faithful dog
braving the blizzard
to find his master.
The comic books are coming
loose from my feet, Marcy.
Pages are flying all over.
Let me see what I can do.
Did you ever read this one, sir?
It's where Spider Person
is on this bridge
and he starts to
Marcy!
Sorry, sir.
When you're looking for someone in
a snowstorm, you have two choices.
You can wander around looking
and looking and looking.
Or you can just stand in one spot
hoping that the lost person comes by.
Chuck, where are you?
Chuck, we can't find you.
Where are you, Chuck?
Chuck, where are you?
We love you, Chuck.
Unless this is a joke.
If it is, we're going to
punch your lights out.
Do you think this could be a joke, sir?
You'd better be lost, Chuck.
Snoopy, I bet you forgot
who you were looking for.
Marcy, I can't walk this way.
The comic books are
coming apart again.
Look, sir.
I think I see somebody.
Chuck, how'd you find us?
We've been looking all over for you.
We just followed the pages
from some comic books.
How'd you like that rescue
operation, Chuck?
Marcy and I braved the blizzard
to find you and your dog.
Oh, and thank you for the kiss.
Kiss?
I didn't kiss anybody.
It must have been Sugar Lips.
I see you made it home, big brother.
I thought you were lost for good.
So I moved a few of my
things into your room.
The books and the record player
will be easy to move back.
The dresser, the couch, the rug,
the end table, the lamp, the bed,
and the Martha Washington
chair will take a little longer.
What are you doing here,
Charlie Brown?
Nothing much.
I just thought I'd stand here
and watch the world go by.
It never came by.
I hate these practice sessions.
Then the wolf became very angry,
and he huffed and puffed,
and he blew the house in.
That's ridiculous.
No animal could huff
and puff that hard.
Have you ever read
The Three Little Pigs?
It's quite a story.
There's this wolf, see?
And he huffed and puffed
I knew it.
Still sleeping.
What a dog.
All right, rise and shine.
You'll never find a better
rabbit chasing day than this.
The sun is shining,
the meadows are green,
and the rabbit's awake.
Don't come back until you
have your whole quota.
The whole trouble with him is he's
never developed his inborn abilities.
I think if he once saw a few rabbits,
he'd realize what he's been missing.
After all, the thrill of the chase
is in his blood, and he surely
All right, I saw that.
But I'm going to pretend
that it never happened.
I'm not going to move.
I'm not going to chase you.
If you bring that ball back here,
before I count to ten,
we'll just pretend that
nothing happened.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine!
Thank you.
That was a very wise decision.
All right, have it your way.
We'll forget the leash.
He should be right along here.
Who should be right along where?
Ah, here he is, my pal.
How sickening.
My buddy.
My good buddy.
My good old buddy.
My true friend.
How revolting.
Every day when I come home
from school, he acts this way.
He's so glad to see me.
Why don't you tell him today is Sunday
and you haven't been to school?
You drive me crazy.
Oh, good grief.
It's time to feed the dog again.
I hate World War One.
I hate the Red Baron.
I hate sopwith camels.
And I hate flying beagles.
I hate
What a bore.
This is great for him.
He'll sit here all day long as
long as I scratch his head.
But what do I get out of it?
A handful of tired fingers.
That's what I get out of it.
I stand here scratching and
scratching and scratching.
I do all the work while
he just sits there.
Sometimes I think he just
takes advantage of me.
I'll end up getting
tendinitis or something.
And I'll have to go to the
doctor and get a shot.
I could stand here until both
my arms fall off for all he cares.
Good grief.
I'm the sort of person people
just naturally take advantage of.
That's the trouble with this world.
Half the people are the kind who
take advantage of the other half.
Well, I'm not gonna be the kind
who gets taken advantage of.
I'm not gonna just stand here
and scratch his head forever.
I refuse to let someone take
advantage of me this way.
I'm not gonna let him do it.
I mean, why should I?
I'm just the sort of person people
naturally take advantage of.
Ooh!
I must admit, he's a very
satisfying person to cook for.
I feel mean!
I hate the world!
By golly, nobody better
get in my way today!
Fight! Fight!
Lucy and Snoopy are having a fight!
Good grief!
Stand still and fight like a man!
What in the world kind
of stupid fight is this?
Here now, you two stop
that fighting! Stop it, I say!
Who's fighting? I surrender!
Stop it! Stop it!
I surrender! I surrender!
I said I surrender!
I'm surprised at you two!
Brawling in the street
like a couple of hoods!
What's the matter with you?
He was standing where
I wanted to walk!
The ultimate crime.
I have mixed emotions about that fight.
I hate brawling, but I have to admit,
I admire the way you stood up to Lucy.
I'd even like to shake your hand,
but I'm afraid she might see me.
Those kids at the playground
think they're so tough!
Well, I'm not out to start any trouble,
but I'm also not afraid of them.
I'm taking the advice
of Theodore Roosevelt.
Speak softly and carry a beagle.
Just where do you think
you're going, kid?
Hey, this is a public playground,
and I've come here to enjoy myself.
Speak softly and carry a beagle.
Get lost, kid.
Yeah, get lost, funny face.
This is a public playground, and
I've come to play in the sandbox.
I thought you were afraid to
go over to the playground.
Not anymore.
I'm following the advice
of Theodore Roosevelt.
Speak softly and carry a beagle.
What happens if you meet someone who
speaks softly and carries a St. Bernard?
All right, kid, get out of the way.
Me and the beagle here are
taking over this playground.
I say get out of the way!
I have a new, improved motto.
Speak loudly and carry a beagle.
All right, kid, stand up.
I run this playground, see?
When I come around, you stand up.
Do you hear me?
If you don't do what I say,
this beagle will bite your leg.
What beagle?
You stupid beagle.
You left me there to get slaughtered.
How could I speak softly and carry
a beagle if the beagle runs away?
You left me there to get slaughtered.