The Tom Green Farm (2026) s01e06 Episode Script
Skimming the Surface
1
- Welcome to the Tom Green Farm.
I'm Tom Green and I live here.
We got a great show today,
thanks for tuning in.
Les Stroud, Survivorman,
is just a real adventurer.
That's what he is.
And he will go off
into the wilderness on his own
without any food
and he will survive.
In the early days of video,
he invented the idea
of going out into the woods
with a camera,
filming his own show,
producing it himself
and putting it on TV.
And we get to wander around
into the deep wilderness
of this property.
Look at a few things
that I never really
got to look at
in that way before.
We have some lichen back there
that I got to look at
and I can tell you I like them,
the lichen.
We also have Graham MacSkimming,
a Sasquatch researcher.
A Sasquatch
expert, I guess. An author.
He speaks to Sasquatch
telepathically.
Graham MacSkimming.
I met his wife
at the grocery store.
She gave me his book
and now he's here.
How does this happen to me?
So thanks for tuning in,
we got a great show today.
Welcome to the Tom Green Farm.
(rooster crowing)
(theme song)
This is the Tom Green Farm ♪
It's not the Green Tom Farm ♪
This is my favourite farm
because it is my farm ♪
If this was your farm ♪
You'd probably like it
more than I did ♪
That's just because
it was your farm ♪
But it's not your farm
it's Tom Green Farm ♪
It's the Tom Green Farm ♪
(birds chirping)
(light music)
Charley's hunting frogs.
- Does she eat them?
- No.
- Oh, okay, that's good.
- No, she just catches it
in her mouth and drops it.
- Oh, okay. Like a cat
with a mouse.
- I'm sure they are fine
to eat.
- Have you tried one?
- No, I mean, like French people
eat frogs.
- No, they don't.
- What are you talking about?
- Everybody eats frogs' legs.
- No, no, it's a French thing.
- You've ever had them?
- I have, actually.
- I haven't.
- Tastes like chicken.
- Maybe Charley's French.
- Maybe she is.
(speaking French)
No, not French.
What do you got a bucket for?
- To water the tomato plants
that look a little bit thirsty.
- Okay, you want me to get
some water for you, or? Okay.
- Don't fall in.
- Okay.
(country music)
It's okay, guys, it's just me.
It's okay. It's just me, see?
(whinning)
I'm just gonna go over here, okay?
(ululating)
No, don't be afraid, wait.
It's okay.
It's just the kind of
funny things
that happen here sometimes.
Ah, forget it.
Hey, Lauren. Thanks.
- I'm hearing something,
but I don't know
where it's coming from.
Oh! There you are.
- Thanks for coming.
I was just
doing something over there.
Thanks.
So we got the chickens, right?
- Four of each.
- Four of each?
- Yeah, so you have eight.
- Okay, so it's four more guinea
hens and four more chickens.
I think I've come up
with a pretty good system
for keeping them alive, though.
- Yeah.
- I only let the guinea hens
free-range.
Like, I haven't been letting
the chickens free-range,
because there's this fox
that's been coming
and getting them.
- Well, plus it's good
for the tick population.
- Oh, yeah. Well, that's
the reason we got them, right?
Let's go have a look.
Hi, ladies, we got some
more friends for you.
(guinea hens clucking)
Okay. A few more for the flock.
Look. Look at that.
Isn't that something, huh?
- Yeah.
- They recognize. Alright.
Hello.
Alright, let's bring them
over here.
Come on, this is great.
I'm excited.
(rooster crowing)
(soft music)
Hey!
(chuckling)
What's up, man?
Hello there, sir.
- Tom Green!
(clapping)
- How you doing?
(groaning)
Welcome, welcome.
- Thank you.
- Cool van.
- It's a great van.
- Good to see you, man.
- Good to see you.
- Thanks for coming by.
- My pleasure, my pleasure.
So I've got a pair
of chocolate labs,
brother and sister.
The little one behind me is
River and this guy is Rogue.
- Charley's gonna have
a good day hanging out.
- No, they've already been
racing
and Charley's got it down, so.
- I've been back in Canada now
for about four years
and we've meant to get
together--
- I've been watching you online,
I've been dying to get
to this place,
I've been dying to meet Charley,
the whole nine yards, man.
- My mom and dad introduced me
to Survivorman.
I was down at the States
at the time
and they sent me all the tapes.
"You've got to watch
Survivorman."
We've, of course,
met since then.
We did an amazing movie
together.
- Citizen Kane.
- Yeah.
- Interviewing monsters.
- I'm surprised it didn't win
any awards.
- That was fun, though.
- I thought maybe,
just to start,
maybe we could take
a little walk in the woods.
I like going back in the woods
a lot.
I ride my mule, Fanny,
back there.
We've got some trails
we can walk down.
I just like the peace and quiet
and being in the woods,
but I also know there's so much
I don't know about the woods.
When I was a kid,
I actually tried
to go survive in the woods.
I did not eat for six days.
- What time of the year?
- It was summer.
- The blueberries were not
out yet?
- We didn't even find
the blueberries.
- That's about a four-week
window.
I've always said this.
It's pretty tough.
You can't be a vegetarian
in the north of Canada
and survive.
That ain't gonna work.
- Eating grass
and vomiting it up.
- Yeah, that's very likely, yes.
You can smoke the grass,
but don't eat it.
- I should've smoked the grass.
Yeah.
(light music)
Some doggies.
Whoa. Let's get playtime going.
Adam, come here for a sec.
Come here a sec.
I just got something delivered.
Pretty excited about it, actually.
- I can guess from the shape
of the box.
- Yep.
- It's from
- Tony Hawk.
- Mr. Hawk.
- And he told me he was gonna
do this.
- Want to help open the package?
- I'm an uncle now.
Not many people know this yet.
I guess it's time to reveal
to the world
I am now officially an uncle.
And my niece popped by today.
And I'd like everybody
to meet my niece, Logan.
- What do you think?
- I think there's something
in there.
- You open.
- What is it? Ooh.
- Can you pull it? Pull it!
- Pull that out.
- Oh, wow, it's actually
the board that he used
when he was here.
- Wow!
- Look at that.
Stand on that.
Whoa.
- Ready?
- Alright, pretty cool.
This is awesome.
(Logan babbling)
- Got poop on there.
- Got poo on it already.
You got poo on your shoe.
There's poo on the skateboard.
- That's farm life.
- Alright, this is great.
Tony sent me his board.
- Uncle Tom?
- What's that? Yeah?
Who am I again?
- Uncle Tom.
- I'm Uncle Tom.
Uncle Tom. Uncle Tom. Uncle Tom.
How are you? I'm Uncle Tom.
I'm Uncle Tom.
Fun to have you at the farm
today, Logan.
Let's go do some fun stuff.
- Okay, let's go!
- Let's go.
(soft music)
- We're making pie!
- I know we're making pie,
it's my idea!
I want Amanda to know
how to make Grandma's pie.
- Oh, you don't wanna know
how to make it?
- No, 'cause I don't want
to have to make it.
- That's what you've always
told me,
you wanted to learn how
to make Grammy's pie.
- I'm the only one learning?
I thought it was both of us.
- Remember I said I don't want
you guys to gang up on me?
- We'll be good.
- Okay, let's just start again,
because that was horrible.
(laughing)
- We need aprons.
- Yeah, no, for sure.
- I don't really one because
I'm just the consultant.
- Okay, let's just start again,
cut, cut.
- I've got the aprons.
- Oh, hey, Amanda, how are you?
- Oh, here, Tom, here's your--
- Let's do that again. Cut, cut.
- Got the aprons.
- Here you go, Tom.
- I'm the consultant.
- No, no, no, stop this.
You're not not making the pie.
Like, you're teaching us
how to make it.
- It's a hands-on thing.
- Let's cut.
- Got the aprons.
- Every time I've eaten
an apple pie, I've always said,
"This doesn't even taste
like apple pie,
it's not like
Grandma's apple pie."
Which then you've made
throughout my life as well.
- That's right.
It's a secret recipe.
- Yeah.
- That much flour, Amanda.
- Can you do a cooking segment,
but not tell people
how to do it?
- Yeah, we're telling them how.
We're just not telling them
quantities.
- I don't want them to know
how to make Grandma's pie.
I don't want these fucking
people to know.
That's for me.
What are you doing there?
- I'm measuring out the flour.
- It's all written on this card?
- Yep.
- Is that your handwriting?
- It is.
- What year did you write that?
Back in the 50s or something?
- Probably in the 60s.
I think I probably wrote it down
when I got married.
- You didn't get married
in the 60s.
- I got married in 1969.
- Yeah, that's not really
the 60s.
- Well, it's not the 70s.
- It's the end of the 60s.
- So what should I have said?
- Just 60s, I guess.
I think you should have said
Is that five and a half
there?
- It's a half.
- This is the half.
- You got it.
- Now we got it.
- High-five.
- Whoo!
Welcome to the funny farm ♪
It's the funny farm ♪
Welcome to the funny farm ♪
- Here you go.
- Think they're scared
when we're out here.
- Four of the sort of
albino ones, huh?
Hey, Charley. It's okay.
Okay, there you go.
How are ya?
Everyone's really excited, huh?
- Yeah, really excited.
- Should I bring
the other chickens down here
and let them sit outside
and like, hang out?
- Yeah, if you have the tractor,
you can put it in the shade here
beside them and they can--
- Get to know each other
kind of thing?
- Yeah, good idea.
- What do they do when they're
getting to know each other?
They just look at each other?
- I don't know.
Probably throw some insults
back and forth.
- Like, look.
Look at these two right here.
They're just talking
to each other.
- They either want to kill
each other
or they want to be
each other's best friend.
- I'm excited for them,
but I'm also excited for me.
- Oh, yeah, why?
- I just like it.
- You just like new friends
coming together?
- New friends and,
listen to that sound.
Isn't that a nice calming sound?
Listen.
(chickens clucking chaotically)
Yeah, it's like the sound
of the ocean or something.
(country music)
- I hate feeling lost.
If I have a nemesis in survival,
it's my own sense of cockiness.
- This is the barn, Les.
So how did you the idea
to just make a TV show
about surviving
in the wilderness?
- I was training in survival
and a big outdoor guy,
but I love the survival part.
So I got the idea, actually,
in 1987.
If I were just, like, to go out
with a camera
and actually survive
and film that,
that would teach these skills,
like fire bow
and shelter building,
so much better.
There was no way that was
going to happen in 1987.
What changed it was, in 1995,
I went out and I did
a documentary
of living out in the wilderness
with my then wife.
And then I just got this idea
thinking that, you know,
well, what had happened was
the cameras got smaller,
just barely enough quality
that you could get that
on television.
But if there's one thing
I've learned
about the wilderness,
it's that you can't go there
with expectations.
- It was before social media,
before everyone had
a video camera.
- All of that.
- And so the idea
of making a TV show
with a small camera
was something that was
very strange.
Let alone filming yourself.
I had to invent a pole
and put the camera on the end.
I mean, if I patented
the selfie stick,
I'd be a wealthy man.
- It's sort of, you know,
the feeling that you're actually
out there alone,
there with you,
is what was amazing.
There's no crew.
And if you were really
thinking about it,
which I'm not sure if everybody
watching did because,
I was 'cause I'd made videos,
so when you sort of see yourself
walking into the distance,
you know,
he's gonna have to turn around
and go back and get the camera.
- I'm taking in as much of the
surrounding area as I can,
to see what I have to work with.
- Have you ever had
any encounters
with predators out there?
Has there ever been a close call
in that regard?
- I have a little bit of
a pet peeve
for the way different, you know,
the podcasters present,
you know, there's so much fear
about wolves, and bears,
and cougars, mountain lions,
and it's all overwrought.
I've been as close as I am
to your camera, gentlemen,
right there
to a beautiful cougar.
And, you know, and I just went,
"Ah!", and it took off.
I've been close enough to pet
a 650-pound grizzly bear.
And she was gentle
and just walked on by.
It's knowing how to be
around predators.
That's the key. Now,
polar bears, different story.
Great white sharks,
African lions, Indian tigers.
Okay.
Those guys given the opportunity
may attack
and kill, and eat a human,
but it's so exceedingly rare.
- There is something
in the woods
that maybe we should be
afraid of is, and I'm not sure,
I know you've studied
this creature,
the Bigfoot, the Sasquatch.
Is this something that is real?
- Have I seen one? No.
Have I had crazy ass experiences
that make me wonder
about if that's them or not?
Absolutely.
In Alaska, for example,
I did my series Survivorman
Bigfoot.
So now I'm doing a documentary
feature film
called The Question of Bigfoot.
And it's sort of the state
of where it's all at now.
Rate for me in order
of believability,
God, angels and demons,
ghosts, aliens, Bigfoot.
And I can tell you that Bigfoot,
by and large,
has mountains of more
actual empirical evidence
than these four
all put together.
(ominous music)
- Graham MacSkimming,
author of Sasquotes:
Wisdom of the Hairy People.
Book that you've written,
but in many ways,
transcribed because
you're writing
the words of the Sasquatch
that are communicating with you
through a
from another dimension.
Is that what it is?
Telepathic conversations?
- Well, through the quantum
universe,
everything is protons
and photons, electrons,
messages from our brains can be
transferred
from my brain to your brain
and vice versa.
And that's how I communicate
with the Sasquatch,
so I call it
Quantum Communication.
- Do you have to go
to the woods
for this to happen?
Or could you just be, you know,
sitting on the John or something
and they start talking to you?
- Well, I think it helps
to be out in a place
where there are a lot
of Sasquatch.
- But are there Sasquatch
in Ontario,
in this part of Canada?
- There certainly are.
- Do you think I have any
here on the property?
- I think
so. The interesting thing is,
is that when we first
made contact in Ontario
with Sasquatch,
and they were going up and down
the Tay River,
I had this feeling
that they would one day
want to come up and visit Tom.
- Now, when you say
"made contact,"
give me a step-by-step
sort of walkthrough
of how that occurred.
- Well, there was one juvenile
that was making signals
towards the house, like,
maybe throwing a pebble
against the wall, near a window
or something
and somebody would come out
and look.
And it turned out they were
gathering in that area.
And so what we did is we went
and waited for them there,
and they actually came
and I was able to see them.
They were in cloaked form,
though,
so not everybody can see them
in a cloaked form,
which is another aspect
of quantum mechanics
that explains some
of the strange things
Sasquatch can do to literally
disappear in front of your eyes.
- What do they usually
say to you?
And I know this is sort of
what your book is all about.
There's all these different
quotes.
"We come together as one nation.
Different types of people,
but all one.
There is no need to fear
just because someone is
different than you.
We are all family."
That actually sounds
kind of like,
Janet Jackson lyrics, as well.
The Rhythm Nation album.
- Hmm.
Mm-hmm, that was
Chief Tatal-ta'a, I believe.
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
So why do you think they talk
to you,
more than me, or most people?
Do you have an antenna
that is somehow
tuned into their frequency?
- It does work that way
because once they know you,
then they start telling
all their friends and family
about you.
Everyone gets to know you
after a while and soon
everybody's
knocking on your door. "Hello,
I wanna talk to you too."
And they actually do that.
- How often are you actually
talking to these guys?
- Pretty much every day.
- Every day?
- Yeah.
- Before breakfast, with coffee
in the morning or what?
- Sure, I go to bed
and I talk to them,
and then in the morning
I'm like, "Hey,
can you help me out
with this?"
You know,
"Feeling crappy this morning,
can you give me an energy boost
or something like that?"
- One of the quotes
from Ikata Odin
of the E-Takan-Tatanta.
They sound very First Nations,
their names.
- The word Takan is somewhat
similar, of course,
to Wakkan, which is Lakota
for holy or sacred.
- Hmm. Any relation to shakakan?
- I think the funkiness is
definitely there.
- Funky.
"You are not a loser.
You're in fact a powerful being
in not only this,
but multiple dimensions.
You're only inspired
by the light of God."
Do they worship the same god
as humans or some humans?
- I would say they do, yeah.
The creator of the universe.
- Very interesting, isn't it?
Let's talk about this.
There's a picture
that you've taken.
They're never that clear,
the photos of Sasquatch,
I've noticed, over the years.
Tell me about this photo.
- Well, I was actually
photographing a stick
that was in the shape of a "Y."
- That's the Sasquatch, is it?
- Yeah, my point is, is that
the subject in this photograph
that we see on the cover was
actually 100 feet away from me.
And I wasn't focusing on it,
I was focusing on the "Y" stick.
- Oh, okay, it just sort of
showed up in the background.
Wouldn't it be one
of the biggest, sort of,
discoveries of all time
possibly?
Getting a clear photo
of the Sasquatch.
People have been waiting
for this for years.
- I think so,
but at the same time,
when people get that photograph,
they won't believe
that it's real.
- Any chance that maybe
you could ask one of them
to come down here
to the show here?
- Yeah, that's always
been the idea, for sure.
- If you were to show up here
with a Sasquatch,
that would be
the most incredible thing
that has ever happened to me
in my entire life.
In fact, what I wanted to do
today is maybe hop in the ATV,
go back a little ways
into the woods
and maybe we could try
to summon one of them.
- Great, yeah.
We might as well give it a shot.
(birds chirping)
(dissonant music)
Yeah, this is where
I would guess
that they would be.
If they were on the property,
I would think they would be
back in these woods here.
I can feel their presence
here.
- Yeah?
- I distinguish one type
of place where they've stepped.
The energy is different
from the energy in a place
where they have not been.
As the sun goes down,
that's when the Sasquatch
come out.
- Yeah, it's about
that time now.
- One thing people don't realize
is they actually do come
in close
to human environments
as well.
- Yeah.
- And people think,
"Oh, they don't come here,
there's people through here
all the time."
But they just have a way
of hiding
and as well as this cloaking
technique they have.
- Okay.
- That, um
most people just don't see them
or notice them,
yet they are around.
- That is just kind of creepy
when you think about it.
They could just be like
hanging out in aisle seven
at the Walmart or something.
(ominous music)
(birds cawing)
Graham, let's introduce
your wife, Amy.
- Hello.
- This is Amy MacSkimming.
- Graham and Amy MacSkimming.
- My beautiful
and wonderful wife.
- Aw, thanks honey.
- Isn't that great?
Now, that's so cool.
Now, do you also communicate
with the Sasquatch as well, Amy?
- I do.
- Isn't that interesting?
And now is this telepathic
communication with Sasquatch
more common
than I would've known?
- It's more common now,
don't you agree?
- I think so, yeah.
I mean,
it was a completely
obscure subject, say, in 2008.
But by 2025, there's actually
thousands of people
who have these sorts
of experiences
and they have been documented
quite extensively.
- Now, do you have any friends
or family
that don't really understand
this fascination with Sasquatch,
or is everyone
pretty supportive?
- In the end, people are
supportive,
but at first,
it's really difficult to accept.
I think it would be really hard
to make this stuff up.
I don't think I'd even
be able to.
I used to want to be a horror
or fantasy,
science fiction writer.
And it turns out the things
that I've experienced are
so amazing and bizarre
that I wouldn't be able
to make them up if I tried.
This is the Sasquatch chief
that we've been talking about.
As you can see,
this is the top of the head.
It's kind of conically shaped.
And his arm is reaching
down there.
You can kind of see his finger.
- I've got to be honest
with you, though, Graham,
I can't really make it up too
much there, but
- What you see here is
a shining crystal.
- Okay.
- Which is being held
by the individual
in the photograph.
And in this light--
- Do you mean
by a Sasquatch individual?
- Yeah. Maybe you can see
his face
if you can see past
the fingerprints
there on the screen.
- I do sort of see
something there,
but it's kind of hard to see.
It's a little dim there,
but yeah.
Anything that I can do
to somehow connect with these?
- Just the willingness
to be able to communicate
and just say, you know,
"I'd like to meet you,
I have respect for you."
You know, "I'd maybe like
to leave you some gifts."
You know, maybe some frozen fish
or
- Really?
- Some
- Tobacco even.
- Tobacco? They smoke?
- Tobacco and honouring them
in a spiritual manner.
We left chocolate
and they loved it.
- There's a female,
she loved the chocolate.
- And how do you know?
You saw her?
You saw her run up and grab it, or?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, she went right
into the garden.
- Yeah, she like, put up
her hands.
- Looked down, saw the chocolate
and then went "Yay!"
- The Sasquatch did?
- And waved to us.
- You saw it too?
It must be really a nice feeling
to have found somebody
that also sees them.
- Yeah, it's literally
a situation sometimes
where you can see something
that is there
and the other person cannot.
- Great, well, Graham, Amy,
thank you.
(both): Thank you, Tom.
- Let's do this again.
We'll keep the
conversation going.
(dissonant whimsical music)
(piano playing)
Wanna see Charley play
the piano?
Play the piano. Yeah.
(off-key notes)
Good girl.
What do you think of that?
(babbling)
(country music)
- Don't stand so close
to me.
Have you been doing this
a long time?
- I haven't really done TV
in a structured way.
- You were in the biggest show
on cable in the entire world
for a couple of years there.
- Wow, eh?
- So stop saying
you're not a TV person.
You're a TV personality.
You don't have an agent?
- No, I don't have an agent.
- Oh, I thought you had
an agent.
I think Bam Margera's mom
got an agent.
- Oh, well,
I'm not Bam Margera's mom.
- 'Cause they kind of
participated
in the show on Jackass.
You could tell the parents
wanted to be on it.
- Right. Like your parents,
they go like "Ah!"
- It's sort of more
like you now,
like you wanna be on this show.
- I'm here as a producer
on the show.
- Yeah, that's true.
- That's why everything's
going wrong.
(laughing)
- It's going pretty good.
- Stop it, yes, I'm kidding.
(soft music)
- This is Kia, she's a donkey.
She's amazing.
She's four years old.
- What's the purpose
of a donkey?
- Donkeys are known to be
kind of predator control animals
and flocks and stuff.
Like when people have sheep,
they'll put a donkey out there.
- No kidding!
- So with the flock, yeah.
And they will stomp out a coyote
and they're really
kind of pretty
- That's brilliant.
I didn't know.
- So that's why she's so focused
on the dog.
The horse is a mother
and baby horse.
The baby is one year old.
- That's something
that I've never mastered.
I'm a nightmare with horses,
because I just
I can't control them.
They scare me.
- Yeah. First year was
a learning curve for sure.
And it's all about
just keeping your energy calm
and not being nervous.
- You wanna take me for a walk
in the woods, but right now,
here's a little juicy tidbit
right here.
- Yeah, lots of milkweed
around here.
- Yeah, well, when
it's at the stage, you know,
when you get the little
milkweed pods?
- Yeah. The pods.
- When those pods are this big,
collect them and eat them.
They're delicious,
it's like okra.
The flowers, edible,
fully edible, like broccoli.
Delicious. But people aren't
aware of that with the milkweed.
- We haven't even left--
- I know,
we haven't even left your house.
- We already found a meal.
- Well, the thing
about edible plants, Tom,
is that, that's what
I geek out on.
(country music)
- Oh, we need an egg.
- A freshly laid one.
- A fresh
Oh, yes, there we go.
- Nice.
- So we just crack it
into the measuring cup.
One tablespoon of cider vinegar.
- I want to remember
everything too.
I know you've shown me
this before, but.
- Yeah, I did 10 pies here
one day showing you.
- Yeah.
- That's why I thought
I was getting the day off here.
(laughing)
and then you fill this up
with water to the one cup.
Now, hold the thing straight.
- Let me do it.
I'm not stupid.
(chuckling)
- Okay, is it right at the one?
- Literally perfect.
- Get that egg broken
a little bit.
Tablespoon of salt.
And I'll just swoosh it
around a little bit.
In the centre. Yeah.
- Anything I can do, or?
- Mystery ingredient
- Mystery shortening.
- Vegetable shortening. Okay.
- Just cut it up into
little cubies.
- There we go.
- And then you can use
the pastry cutter.
- Okay.
- Can I show you
how to do that?
- Yeah, show me.
- Just kind of rock it
like that.
- Okay, can you show me again
for a minute?
- Yeah, okay. You don't have
to be quite as violent.
- Hands are washed.
- Okay, great.
I remember seeing my mom
sort of rub it like that.
- What?
- Yeah, like that.
- Oh, I think that's
really good actually.
- Yay!
- I think we should divide it
in two.
And then we'll wrap it
in Saran wrap.
- Okay.
- And put it in the fridge.
- Do a bit more forming
of the ball there for me.
- Yeah, we don't want to mess
with too much.
- No, no it's just
for the camera.
We're making
a television show.
- You lose the flake
of the crust.
- I'm trying to make
a television show here.
- Now we get the Saran wrap.
Just ignore him.
You have to learn
how to make it.
- I know, I'm just saying,
I'm just trying to get the shots
we need for the show.
I'm the director,
I'm a director, Mom.
- Yeah, put that in the fridge.
- Okay.
(bird calling)
Little grove of hemlocks
up here I wanted to show you.
- Oh, nice.
- And then there's a ridge
that is up here
with a couple of white pines
up on it,
but it's mostly deciduous
forest.
But there's a few
little coniferous areas.
- So you know your trees
a little bit.
- A little bit, yeah.
A little bit.
- Not very many people know
hemlock.
- Yeah.
- They really don't.
- It's like the forgotten tree.
All of the evergreen trees
make a really nice herbal tea.
And my favourite will always be
the hemlock tree.
Not to be confused
with poison hemlock,
which is a water plant,
which will kill you.
It's the most poisonous plant
in North America.
A teaspoon and you're dead.
- Yeah, definitely don't confuse
it with the other poisonous one.
- Yeah, you don't want
to do that.
You never want to do that.
It's a beautiful country.
- You know, I think Canada
often shows off
with mountains
and the oceans.
I don't know, I just,
I grew up around here.
So I feel very at home here.
I think a lot of people after
they get beyond the age of 12,
maybe, stop running around
in the woods much,
but now I'm back running around
in the woods and sort of
- We're lucky.
We're lucky to have been
had that access
when we were young.
- Awesome. Well, let's go find
those hemlocks.
- Let's go find them.
- Come on up here.
(soft country music)
- Throw some of that to them.
Those are dry worms.
Yeah. Don't eat those.
- Okay.
- Yay!
What sound does a rooster make?
(imitates rooster)
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
Look, I can put a chicken
on my head. Look. Look.
- Take it off and put it in
(babbling)
- Wanna put a chicken
on your head?
- Yeah.
- You do?
You wear my hat, how about that?
Put my hat on.
- Is it going to protect the sun
out of my eyes?
- Yeah, it'll keep the sun
out of your eyes.
Hold it tight with both hands, okay?
Alright, you got a chicken
on your head.
- Poo all over your shoes.
- Do I have poo on my shoe?
- Yeah.
Uncle Tom stepped in poo.
- That's true, that's true.
I did. Poo on my shoe.
Look at me, I've got poo
on my shoe.
Oh, you found a stick there.
Stick!
Oh, stick! Whoa, you got
a stick.
Wow! Is that a stick?
- Now give it back.
- Give it back.
Bring it, bring it.
Give me that stick.
Give me that.
Give me that stick.
- Stay there, Uncle Tom.
I'm going.
- Okay.
(soft music)
Is that lichen and moss?
- All this white stuff here,
this grayish, greenish white.
- Yeah.
- That's actually edible.
- Okay.
- So this is reindeer lichen
or reindeer moss.
You could take this
you know how you get
all dry and crunchy in the sun.
- Yeah.
- You know that, right?
- Yeah.
- Well, if you take this
and give it a little bit
of a fry with some butter.
You're wondering right now
if you can eat some, aren't you?
- Yeah.
- So, yeah.
- Oh, yeah?
There's a little dirt on there.
- It's not gonna taste
like anything.
It's not going to taste good
at all. It's okay.
Think of it like broccolini.
- Yeah.
- Right, so full of starches.
Good survival food.
And everywhere in the north.
Hmm!
There's some flavour. Mmm.
It's got after flavour.
This other stuff,
that's good bum wipe.
- Bum wipe? Oh, yeah?
- Bum wipe. Yeah. Good bum wipe.
- Like emergency toilet paper.
- Emergency toilet paper, yeah.
- Just don't use poison ivy.
- Never use poison ivy, no.
- Was there ever moments
when you were out there
on a deserted island,
or in a rainforest,
or in a jungle somewhere
where things went wrong
and you just realized,
"Oh, wait a minute,
I'm in trouble here."
- The first one was
in the Kalahari Desert,
and I had heat stroke.
I was not play acting.
I mean, I was really struggling.
That was rough.
But the rougher one than that
was going down the mountain
in Norway.
Heading down the mountain
has turned out way worse
than I expected.
I'd known from my understanding
of this area
that getting down to the ocean
is possible,
but many of the areas
are far too steep to manage.
And getting trapped at the top
of a cliff is a real danger.
And I was becoming hypothermic.
I was soaked right
through my clothing
from the freezing rain
and wet snow.
I was soaked also
because of my sweat.
That was the most dangerous
moment where I thought,
"I'm in trouble here."
And there's no way out.
Nobody's coming to get me.
Wherever it's cold,
is going to be
the toughest place to survive.
- So did you bring any food
with you
or you brought some food
with you, or?
- Over the years
and over the shows,
I played around with different
possibilities, like,
"Here's a survival kit
I just took off the shelf
of Canadian Tire."
And I would take that out
and debunk it
or enjoy it or whatever.
Here's something that's
surprisingly tasty.
- Uh-huh.
- Two things.
Scorpions and rattlesnakes.
- Okay.
- Surprisingly tasty.
- Scorpions seems surprising.
- Scorpions are delicious,
they're like eating the crispy
end off of a chicken wing.
- Okay.
- I'd eat a scorpion again.
I could go for one right now.
Like, if you're gonna eat
a scorpion,
you have to chop off
the poisonous part, you know,
of the tail, the stinger.
- Okay. Good to know.
- Scorpions are, I think,
shrimp family.
- Oh, okay, yeah. Like shrimp.
- Exactly.
- Oh, my gosh. All-you-can-eat
scorpion.
- All-you-can-eat scorpions.
So what's the most common thing
that you would eat
to survive
in the Canadian wilderness
or in a wilderness in general,
I guess?
- If you're near water and
you have any way of accessing,
like catching fish,
I think that's always
going to be the easiest,
most productive thing.
(water rushing)
- We're here in Port Hope,
Ontario,
catching some salmon.
Well, we haven't caught any yet,
but we're going to.
Thanks so much, Ruben.
This is fun. Ruben, our guide
here is taking us out.
- Alright, Tom,
we'll keep going
and we'll get you
a big one here.
- Dad and I are out
fishing today.
Dad, have you ever caught
a salmon before?
- Oh, yes, I have.
I caught one in BC once.
- There you go.
- It wasn't very big.
It was about six pounds.
- Yeah.
How many fish run up
that river every year?
- Every year, we have
the massive salmon migration.
In Port Hope, you have over
20,000 to 30,000 salmon.
- What's the life cycle
of a salmon?
- They're born in the rivers,
they stay there
and they get washed out
into the lake.
Six years later,
as they feed on bait fish
in Lake Ontario,
they grow bigger,
and eventually,
when they are ready
to start the cycle again,
they will move to the rivers
and go as far as they can
to be able to lay their eggs.
And when they're ready to spawn,
and the rains wash out
in September,
they can almost smell silt
coming out of these rivers.
It's almost a map to come back
to their home birthplace.
- Got one.
- Yeah, reel, reel, reel!
- I caught my first salmon.
- Yes, you did.
- Oh, shit.
At the very end of the day.
Every time I had a fish on
and then it got off,
what was I doing wrong there?
- You weren't doing
anything wrong, Tom.
- This is a video about the guy
who loses the most fish
in one day.
Everyone else was pulling
them out like it was nothing.
- These fish are very powerful.
Strong fish, but they're strong
for the other guy too.
I'm strong, I'm a strong guy.
- You're using a light line,
so you tend to lose
a lot of fish.
Big teeth, so you're
breaking lines and lines tangle.
- I had about 15 on the line,
but they all got off.
I would ask you to let me
hold it, but--
- You want to?
- No,
I'd pretend that we caught it
for our show.
- That's okay.
- That would be dishonest, though.
- You know what they say,
fake it until you make it.
- Exactly.
Alright, it worked out.
We caught one!
I will catch a fish today.
- Right. That's it. Get it!
- Hey!
Alright, alright, I got one!
- Being able to catch
a truly incredible fish
and having you and your father
out on the river that day,
and to be able to showcase that,
to people, for me has been
truly incredible.
After so much hard work,
this is why we're here.
- When we caught my salmon,
we released it afterwards.
- That's correct, yes.
We were able to catch
a beautiful female king salmon,
so she was carrying many,
many, many eggs.
So she was healthily caught
and released
to go back and lay her eggs
in the river.
Port Hope does a lot of work
to be able to protect
these fish.
- Dad what did you think?
Did you have fun?
- I did have fun.
It was amazing.
You mentioned a female fish.
Is there a male fish too?
- That's correct,
so they'll pair up.
- Oh, they have to pair up
when they lay the eggs?
Okay, they have
to fertilize them.
- They fertilize them
after they lay them, right?
- That's correct.
- Oh, okay. It's a tough job,
but you know, some of us have
to do it I guess.
- Yeah.
And so do they all die
after that?
- That's correct.
- Even the male fish too?
- All the fish.
They've completed their mission.
- So they just know
they're going to die,
so they swim up the river,
lay eggs
and die every six years.
- That's correct.
- But they die happy.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause it's sex for them, right?
- Yeah, that's right, Dad.
That's right. 'Cause it's sex.
Is that what you're saying?
- Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
- Well, thanks Ruben.
- My pleasure.
- Ruben on the river. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
(soft music)
- Apple peeling time?
- Apple peeling time.
- Make some apple pie.
(cheering)
- I'll be the blossom remover.
- Okay.
- I don't think I've ever peeled
an apple before.
- I can tell.
Good boy.
- Thank you.
- People will think
you should have been coring it
and doing it,
but I've never done it that way.
- I don't know if
a lot of online trolls
really have strong opinions
about apple coring.
- About pies?
- I feel like Martha Stewart
might have something different
to say on that.
- You think she follows us?
- No, but I think she probably
has gotten her own flack before
for how she chose
to peel an apple.
- Oh, I see what you mean.
- Or a potato. Or
- Insider trading.
- Or that.
- I like Martha.
- Me too!
(soft music)
- Nothing like the sound of wind
in white pine.
All the other evergreens,
they all sound great.
White pine? It's a whole
different frequency.
- They creak different,
or what is it?
- No, no, no.
Not the creaking, no.
It's the wind through
the needles.
And I really hear it a lot
in a place called Temagami,
Ontario,
which is farther north, right?
We have the big red
and white pines there.
So you've got the red pines,
the white pines,
the hemlocks, cedars.
And if you get to
the right spot,
like a place like this
where they stand alone
and you listen to the wind
go through,
they all have their sound.
But the white pine,
it just sounds like Ontario.
It's just a certain kind of
it's like a frequency.
You being back here, what,
four years now?
- Yeah.
- You'll remember a lot
from your childhood,
but now with your adult ears
and your adult senses,
you've got a chance over
the next 20 years
to kind of get in touch with
the nuances of being out here.
(country music)
- Hey, Logan, how are you?
You doing good?
- Who's this?
- Larry.
- Do you love Larry?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? How old is Larry,
did you ask him?
- How old are you?
- I'm 111.
- I'm two.
- Two!
- Only time anyone ever talks
to me is when Logan comes over.
- Don't lie, Larry.
You and I chat over there.
And Charley sleeps with you.
- It's like I'm a piece of crap
or something like that.
- Shh. Earmuffs, earmuffs!
- They treat me like crap
around here.
It's abuse, I tell you,
it's abuse!
When you leave,
I can sit on the couch.
- Everybody loves you.
- You love me, you love me.
Do you love me?
- Larry.
- This guy kept me in
a cardboard box
for eight months.
- That doesn't sound very nice!
- You're not supposed to tell
everybody that.
- Maybe if you gave Larry a hug,
he wouldn't be so grumpy.
- I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
- Oh, here you go, Larry.
There's a nice hug.
Oh, that's so nice.
I think I see his heart growing!
(groaning)
(giggling)
- Let's go eat the donkey.
- No!
- No, okay.
- That's right.
(mellow music)
- That is intense, oh, my God.
Look up underneath here.
- Oh, yeah.
- Wow!
This is one of those moments
where I've never seen
anything like this.
I mean, I don't know if this is
a healthy thing, or.
You see something like this
in the Amazon jungle,
you do not get this close.
- Right.
- Ontario is so our forest is
kind of bucolic.
It's beautiful, it's serene.
And it's so safe that we can
come right up
to something like this.
It's amazing.
- Maybe we've discovered
something.
- We'll have to come up
with a name for it then.
- Stroud beetle.
- Yeah, the Stroud.
It's your property,
you can call it.
- The Green Stroud.
- The Green Stroud. There we go!
- Green Stroud larvae.
- I don't think I want to
eat them, though.
- No.
Come lie down again.
Come lie down.
(country music)
No, not my new hat, no!
Kia! Hey, come on, no, Kia!
Hey, hey, no. No!
Give me the hat. Jeez! Ugh.
Shit.
- Okay, we're gonna roll up
the dough.
- Okay, so that's nice.
- Touch it up.
- Apple time? A cup of sugar.
- Nice. Oh, look at that.
- My mother always used
white sugar.
Some people also put in
brown sugar,
but she didn't like that.
- Was she racist?
- What's that got to do
with anything?
(laughing)
- A teaspoon of cinnamon.
And half a teaspoon of nutmeg.
- I guess we're all having fun, huh?
- Yeah. Okay.
- You wanna roll one, maybe?
- You're making a top.
- Yeah, okay.
- It has to be perfect.
- Yeah.
- Think out.
- Let me show you.
Go like this and like that.
- Oh, yeah, exactly what
I was doing.
Wow, that's nice.
- Pinch it. You can use a fork,
but my mom always did that.
- Now, what do you heat
the oven to?
- 425. Turn it to 350
after three minutes.
- We should probably be having
wine while we do that.
- I know, what's up, Tom?
- Crack that open. Okay.
Let's get that booze in ya
as quick as possible. Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers, Tom.
Okay, let's get the lid
on this puppy.
- Woo-hoo!
- Wow, good job.
- Tom, you look like you've been
playing in the flour.
- Yeah, I don't know
if you've noticed,
but we've been making pies.
- Amanda, do you think
you'll be able to remember this?
- Yes. One's in the fridge.
Two will go in.
- Okay, let's do these two.
There we go.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- So let's put a timer on
for maybe 10 minutes
at that temperature, and then
we'll turn it down to 350.
(banjo music)
- Got a stick?
Where's the stick?
That's why we love dogs, right?
It reminds us
of what it was like
being six and playing
with a stick.
(Tom groaning)
(bird calling in the distance)
- If we sit here,
we're completely quiet.
It generally takes the forest
about 15 to 20 minutes
to get used to you
and then stuff will start
coming close again.
- Mm-hmm.
- I think one of the greatest
compliments you can be paid
as a human being,
is if you're in nature
and you realize that the animals
around you
are indifferent to you.
When they get to that place
where wildlife doesn't care
about you,
that's a good place to be.
Why did you do this?
- I was in Los Angeles
for 20 years.
I'd been touring,
doing stand-up,
always travelling, travelling, travelling.
Then when the pandemic happened,
the tour stopped.
My parents are doing good,
but we're all getting older
and COVID happened,
and it made me feel
so much further away from home.
Found this place,
and it just re-energized
my love of getting out
in the woods.
- Right back to childhood again.
- Yeah.
What is it?
- You open this.
I want to put them in there.
- Okay.
- It's a bag.
- Okay. It's a bag, yeah.
What are you putting in the bag?
- They're my rocks and
(babbling)
- Nice, those are nice rocks.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Tie it all up! No, tie it!
Tie it.
- Oh, sorry, we have to
put them back.
Oh, so we have to tie it. Sorry.
Okay, sorry.
You just put them all in
and I spilled them all.
Yeah.
- Couple more.
- Couple more.
- Now let's tie them all up.
- Okay, tie it up, okay.
Just take one out and tie it up?
- No.
- Okay. Let's tie this up.
- No, I said don't put
rocks out!
- Oh, don't.
- They're special rocks.
- Oh, okay. We don't want
to lose one, okay.
Put that in, then tie it?
- No. No.
- No? Okay. Alright.
Where are you going?
You're leaving?
- Yeah, I'm leaving.
- Where are you going?
Am I being weird?
Am I being too weird?
(soft music)
Now there's that show Alone,
which is sort of like that,
and then Bear Grylls.
It's definitely a strange thing
when you see something
that you've done,
and you remember having thought
of something that
you've never seen before
and putting it on TV,
and then you see someone else
do the exact same thing.
- Yeah, I think you speak
from knowledge.
- I've seen a few people
paint their parents' house
over the years and put it on TV.
- Well, this was the thing.
I don't want to blow smoke
up either of our bums here,
but the reality is that
you were also doing something
that no one else had done.
- Do you want to go do
that show, do Survivorman again?
- I'll tell you this, and I've
never said this yet publicly.
On my YouTube channel,
I've said,
"If you get me to a million
subs,
I'll do another Survivorman."
And those buggers,
those fans of mine,
I'm up to 915,000 subs.
- Okay.
- So if I get to a million,
and I'm going to call it
Survivorman Returns
and I come back and
do a full-scale Survivorman
and I'm going to do it live.
- Live, okay. Wow.
- Seven days live.
- Okay.
- And it'll be me,
and I'll be doing,
I'll be being Survivorman.
And what I'm kind of doing
with that cock is like,
"Okay, I know all those
other shows that are going on.
Let me show you how to do
this again," sort of thing.
And that'll be my swan song.
- Where else can we see
Survivorman content these days?
- My Wild Harvest series
is on PBS, and on YouTube,
and out there doing well.
I'll hopefully do a season four
of that.
Possibly Survivorman Returns.
But other than that,
it's music.
- The music is a big part
of your life now.
You're not just surviving
in the woods.
- No, no. My life is
three acts right now.
The first act was
as an outdoor guy.
The second act,
documentary filmmaker.
And the third act, music.
(guitar playing)
I wanted to feel ♪
A wind blow across my face ♪
I wanted to see ♪
- I've got a brand new album
coming out
that Colin Linden produced.
I've got Bruce Coburn
to play on it with me.
- Oh, cool.
- I've got another album
that Mike Klink is producing
and he worked with me
on an album called Mother Earth.
I had Slash and Steve Vai
join me for that.
- Wow.
- My music, all of it,
is music that celebrates nature.
It's all about
the natural world.
- It's great talk today, Les.
Thanks.
- Thank you, Tom.
It's been wonderful.
And thanks for inviting me
to this place.
You're sitting on paradise
and I think you know that.
- Yeah, no, thank you.
It's great to have you here.
We'll do it again.
(growling)
(country music)
- Ooh!
- Very nice.
- Look how pretty they look.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, wow, look at that.
Oh, my gosh. Wow.
- Ooh!
- It smells like
Grandma's apple pie.
- I've never smelt
your grandma's apple pie,
but I imagine.
- You have now.
- Must be just as good.
- Passing the torch.
- Passing the torch.
- Very nice.
- We've got one more to put in.
Two-finger test?
Two-finger sniff test?
They taught me that
in high school, actually.
In science class.
- I don't wanna know about
your high school two-finger
sniff test.
(laughing)
- It sounds so bad, actually.
They do teach you that so that--
- Stop, stop, my mother's here.
- I think we should put
the third pie in.
- It's a Grandmother apple pie
thing. It's like, come on.
I don't even know
what's funny about that.
I don't even know
why you're laughing.
(soft music)
I got to make some music
with my mom this year,
it was a lot of fun.
Went down to the recording
studio down the road,
the Bathouse, the Tragically
Hip studio
and recorded this song
by Ian and Sylvia.
The song is called
Summer Wages.
Let's have a look and a listen.
(Summer Wages performed by
Tom Green and Mary Jane Green)
Never hit 17 when you play
against the dealer ♪
You know that the odds won't
ride with you ♪
Never leave your woman alone ♪
When your friends are out
to steal her ♪
She'll be gambled and gone
like summer wages ♪
And we'll keep rolling on
till we get to Vancouver ♪
And the lady that I love
she's living there ♪
It's been six long months ♪
And more since I've seen her ♪
Maybe she's gambled and gone
like summer wages ♪
In all the big parlours
all down on Main Street ♪
The dreams of the season are
spilled down on the floor ♪
All the big stands of timber
wait there just for falling ♪
The hookers standing
watchfully ♪
Waiting by the door ♪
I gotta work on them towboats
with my slippery city shoes ♪
Lord I swore
I would never do that again ♪
Through the great fogbound
straits ♪
Where the cedars stand
waiting ♪
I'll be lost and gone
like summer wages ♪
In all the big parlours
all down on Main Street ♪
The dreams of the season are
spilled down on the floor ♪
All the big stands of timber
wait there just for falling ♪
The hookers waiting
watchfully ♪
Standing by the door ♪
Never hit 17 when you play
against the dealer ♪
You know that the odds won't
ride with you ♪
Never leave your woman alone ♪
When your friends are out
to steal her ♪
She'll be gambled and gone
like summer wages ♪
She'll be gambled and gone ♪
Like summer wages ♪
Thanks, Mom.
- You're welcome, Tom.
- Thank you, Mommy.
Mary Jane Green.
- Welcome to the Tom Green Farm.
I'm Tom Green and I live here.
We got a great show today,
thanks for tuning in.
Les Stroud, Survivorman,
is just a real adventurer.
That's what he is.
And he will go off
into the wilderness on his own
without any food
and he will survive.
In the early days of video,
he invented the idea
of going out into the woods
with a camera,
filming his own show,
producing it himself
and putting it on TV.
And we get to wander around
into the deep wilderness
of this property.
Look at a few things
that I never really
got to look at
in that way before.
We have some lichen back there
that I got to look at
and I can tell you I like them,
the lichen.
We also have Graham MacSkimming,
a Sasquatch researcher.
A Sasquatch
expert, I guess. An author.
He speaks to Sasquatch
telepathically.
Graham MacSkimming.
I met his wife
at the grocery store.
She gave me his book
and now he's here.
How does this happen to me?
So thanks for tuning in,
we got a great show today.
Welcome to the Tom Green Farm.
(rooster crowing)
(theme song)
This is the Tom Green Farm ♪
It's not the Green Tom Farm ♪
This is my favourite farm
because it is my farm ♪
If this was your farm ♪
You'd probably like it
more than I did ♪
That's just because
it was your farm ♪
But it's not your farm
it's Tom Green Farm ♪
It's the Tom Green Farm ♪
(birds chirping)
(light music)
Charley's hunting frogs.
- Does she eat them?
- No.
- Oh, okay, that's good.
- No, she just catches it
in her mouth and drops it.
- Oh, okay. Like a cat
with a mouse.
- I'm sure they are fine
to eat.
- Have you tried one?
- No, I mean, like French people
eat frogs.
- No, they don't.
- What are you talking about?
- Everybody eats frogs' legs.
- No, no, it's a French thing.
- You've ever had them?
- I have, actually.
- I haven't.
- Tastes like chicken.
- Maybe Charley's French.
- Maybe she is.
(speaking French)
No, not French.
What do you got a bucket for?
- To water the tomato plants
that look a little bit thirsty.
- Okay, you want me to get
some water for you, or? Okay.
- Don't fall in.
- Okay.
(country music)
It's okay, guys, it's just me.
It's okay. It's just me, see?
(whinning)
I'm just gonna go over here, okay?
(ululating)
No, don't be afraid, wait.
It's okay.
It's just the kind of
funny things
that happen here sometimes.
Ah, forget it.
Hey, Lauren. Thanks.
- I'm hearing something,
but I don't know
where it's coming from.
Oh! There you are.
- Thanks for coming.
I was just
doing something over there.
Thanks.
So we got the chickens, right?
- Four of each.
- Four of each?
- Yeah, so you have eight.
- Okay, so it's four more guinea
hens and four more chickens.
I think I've come up
with a pretty good system
for keeping them alive, though.
- Yeah.
- I only let the guinea hens
free-range.
Like, I haven't been letting
the chickens free-range,
because there's this fox
that's been coming
and getting them.
- Well, plus it's good
for the tick population.
- Oh, yeah. Well, that's
the reason we got them, right?
Let's go have a look.
Hi, ladies, we got some
more friends for you.
(guinea hens clucking)
Okay. A few more for the flock.
Look. Look at that.
Isn't that something, huh?
- Yeah.
- They recognize. Alright.
Hello.
Alright, let's bring them
over here.
Come on, this is great.
I'm excited.
(rooster crowing)
(soft music)
Hey!
(chuckling)
What's up, man?
Hello there, sir.
- Tom Green!
(clapping)
- How you doing?
(groaning)
Welcome, welcome.
- Thank you.
- Cool van.
- It's a great van.
- Good to see you, man.
- Good to see you.
- Thanks for coming by.
- My pleasure, my pleasure.
So I've got a pair
of chocolate labs,
brother and sister.
The little one behind me is
River and this guy is Rogue.
- Charley's gonna have
a good day hanging out.
- No, they've already been
racing
and Charley's got it down, so.
- I've been back in Canada now
for about four years
and we've meant to get
together--
- I've been watching you online,
I've been dying to get
to this place,
I've been dying to meet Charley,
the whole nine yards, man.
- My mom and dad introduced me
to Survivorman.
I was down at the States
at the time
and they sent me all the tapes.
"You've got to watch
Survivorman."
We've, of course,
met since then.
We did an amazing movie
together.
- Citizen Kane.
- Yeah.
- Interviewing monsters.
- I'm surprised it didn't win
any awards.
- That was fun, though.
- I thought maybe,
just to start,
maybe we could take
a little walk in the woods.
I like going back in the woods
a lot.
I ride my mule, Fanny,
back there.
We've got some trails
we can walk down.
I just like the peace and quiet
and being in the woods,
but I also know there's so much
I don't know about the woods.
When I was a kid,
I actually tried
to go survive in the woods.
I did not eat for six days.
- What time of the year?
- It was summer.
- The blueberries were not
out yet?
- We didn't even find
the blueberries.
- That's about a four-week
window.
I've always said this.
It's pretty tough.
You can't be a vegetarian
in the north of Canada
and survive.
That ain't gonna work.
- Eating grass
and vomiting it up.
- Yeah, that's very likely, yes.
You can smoke the grass,
but don't eat it.
- I should've smoked the grass.
Yeah.
(light music)
Some doggies.
Whoa. Let's get playtime going.
Adam, come here for a sec.
Come here a sec.
I just got something delivered.
Pretty excited about it, actually.
- I can guess from the shape
of the box.
- Yep.
- It's from
- Tony Hawk.
- Mr. Hawk.
- And he told me he was gonna
do this.
- Want to help open the package?
- I'm an uncle now.
Not many people know this yet.
I guess it's time to reveal
to the world
I am now officially an uncle.
And my niece popped by today.
And I'd like everybody
to meet my niece, Logan.
- What do you think?
- I think there's something
in there.
- You open.
- What is it? Ooh.
- Can you pull it? Pull it!
- Pull that out.
- Oh, wow, it's actually
the board that he used
when he was here.
- Wow!
- Look at that.
Stand on that.
Whoa.
- Ready?
- Alright, pretty cool.
This is awesome.
(Logan babbling)
- Got poop on there.
- Got poo on it already.
You got poo on your shoe.
There's poo on the skateboard.
- That's farm life.
- Alright, this is great.
Tony sent me his board.
- Uncle Tom?
- What's that? Yeah?
Who am I again?
- Uncle Tom.
- I'm Uncle Tom.
Uncle Tom. Uncle Tom. Uncle Tom.
How are you? I'm Uncle Tom.
I'm Uncle Tom.
Fun to have you at the farm
today, Logan.
Let's go do some fun stuff.
- Okay, let's go!
- Let's go.
(soft music)
- We're making pie!
- I know we're making pie,
it's my idea!
I want Amanda to know
how to make Grandma's pie.
- Oh, you don't wanna know
how to make it?
- No, 'cause I don't want
to have to make it.
- That's what you've always
told me,
you wanted to learn how
to make Grammy's pie.
- I'm the only one learning?
I thought it was both of us.
- Remember I said I don't want
you guys to gang up on me?
- We'll be good.
- Okay, let's just start again,
because that was horrible.
(laughing)
- We need aprons.
- Yeah, no, for sure.
- I don't really one because
I'm just the consultant.
- Okay, let's just start again,
cut, cut.
- I've got the aprons.
- Oh, hey, Amanda, how are you?
- Oh, here, Tom, here's your--
- Let's do that again. Cut, cut.
- Got the aprons.
- Here you go, Tom.
- I'm the consultant.
- No, no, no, stop this.
You're not not making the pie.
Like, you're teaching us
how to make it.
- It's a hands-on thing.
- Let's cut.
- Got the aprons.
- Every time I've eaten
an apple pie, I've always said,
"This doesn't even taste
like apple pie,
it's not like
Grandma's apple pie."
Which then you've made
throughout my life as well.
- That's right.
It's a secret recipe.
- Yeah.
- That much flour, Amanda.
- Can you do a cooking segment,
but not tell people
how to do it?
- Yeah, we're telling them how.
We're just not telling them
quantities.
- I don't want them to know
how to make Grandma's pie.
I don't want these fucking
people to know.
That's for me.
What are you doing there?
- I'm measuring out the flour.
- It's all written on this card?
- Yep.
- Is that your handwriting?
- It is.
- What year did you write that?
Back in the 50s or something?
- Probably in the 60s.
I think I probably wrote it down
when I got married.
- You didn't get married
in the 60s.
- I got married in 1969.
- Yeah, that's not really
the 60s.
- Well, it's not the 70s.
- It's the end of the 60s.
- So what should I have said?
- Just 60s, I guess.
I think you should have said
Is that five and a half
there?
- It's a half.
- This is the half.
- You got it.
- Now we got it.
- High-five.
- Whoo!
Welcome to the funny farm ♪
It's the funny farm ♪
Welcome to the funny farm ♪
- Here you go.
- Think they're scared
when we're out here.
- Four of the sort of
albino ones, huh?
Hey, Charley. It's okay.
Okay, there you go.
How are ya?
Everyone's really excited, huh?
- Yeah, really excited.
- Should I bring
the other chickens down here
and let them sit outside
and like, hang out?
- Yeah, if you have the tractor,
you can put it in the shade here
beside them and they can--
- Get to know each other
kind of thing?
- Yeah, good idea.
- What do they do when they're
getting to know each other?
They just look at each other?
- I don't know.
Probably throw some insults
back and forth.
- Like, look.
Look at these two right here.
They're just talking
to each other.
- They either want to kill
each other
or they want to be
each other's best friend.
- I'm excited for them,
but I'm also excited for me.
- Oh, yeah, why?
- I just like it.
- You just like new friends
coming together?
- New friends and,
listen to that sound.
Isn't that a nice calming sound?
Listen.
(chickens clucking chaotically)
Yeah, it's like the sound
of the ocean or something.
(country music)
- I hate feeling lost.
If I have a nemesis in survival,
it's my own sense of cockiness.
- This is the barn, Les.
So how did you the idea
to just make a TV show
about surviving
in the wilderness?
- I was training in survival
and a big outdoor guy,
but I love the survival part.
So I got the idea, actually,
in 1987.
If I were just, like, to go out
with a camera
and actually survive
and film that,
that would teach these skills,
like fire bow
and shelter building,
so much better.
There was no way that was
going to happen in 1987.
What changed it was, in 1995,
I went out and I did
a documentary
of living out in the wilderness
with my then wife.
And then I just got this idea
thinking that, you know,
well, what had happened was
the cameras got smaller,
just barely enough quality
that you could get that
on television.
But if there's one thing
I've learned
about the wilderness,
it's that you can't go there
with expectations.
- It was before social media,
before everyone had
a video camera.
- All of that.
- And so the idea
of making a TV show
with a small camera
was something that was
very strange.
Let alone filming yourself.
I had to invent a pole
and put the camera on the end.
I mean, if I patented
the selfie stick,
I'd be a wealthy man.
- It's sort of, you know,
the feeling that you're actually
out there alone,
there with you,
is what was amazing.
There's no crew.
And if you were really
thinking about it,
which I'm not sure if everybody
watching did because,
I was 'cause I'd made videos,
so when you sort of see yourself
walking into the distance,
you know,
he's gonna have to turn around
and go back and get the camera.
- I'm taking in as much of the
surrounding area as I can,
to see what I have to work with.
- Have you ever had
any encounters
with predators out there?
Has there ever been a close call
in that regard?
- I have a little bit of
a pet peeve
for the way different, you know,
the podcasters present,
you know, there's so much fear
about wolves, and bears,
and cougars, mountain lions,
and it's all overwrought.
I've been as close as I am
to your camera, gentlemen,
right there
to a beautiful cougar.
And, you know, and I just went,
"Ah!", and it took off.
I've been close enough to pet
a 650-pound grizzly bear.
And she was gentle
and just walked on by.
It's knowing how to be
around predators.
That's the key. Now,
polar bears, different story.
Great white sharks,
African lions, Indian tigers.
Okay.
Those guys given the opportunity
may attack
and kill, and eat a human,
but it's so exceedingly rare.
- There is something
in the woods
that maybe we should be
afraid of is, and I'm not sure,
I know you've studied
this creature,
the Bigfoot, the Sasquatch.
Is this something that is real?
- Have I seen one? No.
Have I had crazy ass experiences
that make me wonder
about if that's them or not?
Absolutely.
In Alaska, for example,
I did my series Survivorman
Bigfoot.
So now I'm doing a documentary
feature film
called The Question of Bigfoot.
And it's sort of the state
of where it's all at now.
Rate for me in order
of believability,
God, angels and demons,
ghosts, aliens, Bigfoot.
And I can tell you that Bigfoot,
by and large,
has mountains of more
actual empirical evidence
than these four
all put together.
(ominous music)
- Graham MacSkimming,
author of Sasquotes:
Wisdom of the Hairy People.
Book that you've written,
but in many ways,
transcribed because
you're writing
the words of the Sasquatch
that are communicating with you
through a
from another dimension.
Is that what it is?
Telepathic conversations?
- Well, through the quantum
universe,
everything is protons
and photons, electrons,
messages from our brains can be
transferred
from my brain to your brain
and vice versa.
And that's how I communicate
with the Sasquatch,
so I call it
Quantum Communication.
- Do you have to go
to the woods
for this to happen?
Or could you just be, you know,
sitting on the John or something
and they start talking to you?
- Well, I think it helps
to be out in a place
where there are a lot
of Sasquatch.
- But are there Sasquatch
in Ontario,
in this part of Canada?
- There certainly are.
- Do you think I have any
here on the property?
- I think
so. The interesting thing is,
is that when we first
made contact in Ontario
with Sasquatch,
and they were going up and down
the Tay River,
I had this feeling
that they would one day
want to come up and visit Tom.
- Now, when you say
"made contact,"
give me a step-by-step
sort of walkthrough
of how that occurred.
- Well, there was one juvenile
that was making signals
towards the house, like,
maybe throwing a pebble
against the wall, near a window
or something
and somebody would come out
and look.
And it turned out they were
gathering in that area.
And so what we did is we went
and waited for them there,
and they actually came
and I was able to see them.
They were in cloaked form,
though,
so not everybody can see them
in a cloaked form,
which is another aspect
of quantum mechanics
that explains some
of the strange things
Sasquatch can do to literally
disappear in front of your eyes.
- What do they usually
say to you?
And I know this is sort of
what your book is all about.
There's all these different
quotes.
"We come together as one nation.
Different types of people,
but all one.
There is no need to fear
just because someone is
different than you.
We are all family."
That actually sounds
kind of like,
Janet Jackson lyrics, as well.
The Rhythm Nation album.
- Hmm.
Mm-hmm, that was
Chief Tatal-ta'a, I believe.
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
So why do you think they talk
to you,
more than me, or most people?
Do you have an antenna
that is somehow
tuned into their frequency?
- It does work that way
because once they know you,
then they start telling
all their friends and family
about you.
Everyone gets to know you
after a while and soon
everybody's
knocking on your door. "Hello,
I wanna talk to you too."
And they actually do that.
- How often are you actually
talking to these guys?
- Pretty much every day.
- Every day?
- Yeah.
- Before breakfast, with coffee
in the morning or what?
- Sure, I go to bed
and I talk to them,
and then in the morning
I'm like, "Hey,
can you help me out
with this?"
You know,
"Feeling crappy this morning,
can you give me an energy boost
or something like that?"
- One of the quotes
from Ikata Odin
of the E-Takan-Tatanta.
They sound very First Nations,
their names.
- The word Takan is somewhat
similar, of course,
to Wakkan, which is Lakota
for holy or sacred.
- Hmm. Any relation to shakakan?
- I think the funkiness is
definitely there.
- Funky.
"You are not a loser.
You're in fact a powerful being
in not only this,
but multiple dimensions.
You're only inspired
by the light of God."
Do they worship the same god
as humans or some humans?
- I would say they do, yeah.
The creator of the universe.
- Very interesting, isn't it?
Let's talk about this.
There's a picture
that you've taken.
They're never that clear,
the photos of Sasquatch,
I've noticed, over the years.
Tell me about this photo.
- Well, I was actually
photographing a stick
that was in the shape of a "Y."
- That's the Sasquatch, is it?
- Yeah, my point is, is that
the subject in this photograph
that we see on the cover was
actually 100 feet away from me.
And I wasn't focusing on it,
I was focusing on the "Y" stick.
- Oh, okay, it just sort of
showed up in the background.
Wouldn't it be one
of the biggest, sort of,
discoveries of all time
possibly?
Getting a clear photo
of the Sasquatch.
People have been waiting
for this for years.
- I think so,
but at the same time,
when people get that photograph,
they won't believe
that it's real.
- Any chance that maybe
you could ask one of them
to come down here
to the show here?
- Yeah, that's always
been the idea, for sure.
- If you were to show up here
with a Sasquatch,
that would be
the most incredible thing
that has ever happened to me
in my entire life.
In fact, what I wanted to do
today is maybe hop in the ATV,
go back a little ways
into the woods
and maybe we could try
to summon one of them.
- Great, yeah.
We might as well give it a shot.
(birds chirping)
(dissonant music)
Yeah, this is where
I would guess
that they would be.
If they were on the property,
I would think they would be
back in these woods here.
I can feel their presence
here.
- Yeah?
- I distinguish one type
of place where they've stepped.
The energy is different
from the energy in a place
where they have not been.
As the sun goes down,
that's when the Sasquatch
come out.
- Yeah, it's about
that time now.
- One thing people don't realize
is they actually do come
in close
to human environments
as well.
- Yeah.
- And people think,
"Oh, they don't come here,
there's people through here
all the time."
But they just have a way
of hiding
and as well as this cloaking
technique they have.
- Okay.
- That, um
most people just don't see them
or notice them,
yet they are around.
- That is just kind of creepy
when you think about it.
They could just be like
hanging out in aisle seven
at the Walmart or something.
(ominous music)
(birds cawing)
Graham, let's introduce
your wife, Amy.
- Hello.
- This is Amy MacSkimming.
- Graham and Amy MacSkimming.
- My beautiful
and wonderful wife.
- Aw, thanks honey.
- Isn't that great?
Now, that's so cool.
Now, do you also communicate
with the Sasquatch as well, Amy?
- I do.
- Isn't that interesting?
And now is this telepathic
communication with Sasquatch
more common
than I would've known?
- It's more common now,
don't you agree?
- I think so, yeah.
I mean,
it was a completely
obscure subject, say, in 2008.
But by 2025, there's actually
thousands of people
who have these sorts
of experiences
and they have been documented
quite extensively.
- Now, do you have any friends
or family
that don't really understand
this fascination with Sasquatch,
or is everyone
pretty supportive?
- In the end, people are
supportive,
but at first,
it's really difficult to accept.
I think it would be really hard
to make this stuff up.
I don't think I'd even
be able to.
I used to want to be a horror
or fantasy,
science fiction writer.
And it turns out the things
that I've experienced are
so amazing and bizarre
that I wouldn't be able
to make them up if I tried.
This is the Sasquatch chief
that we've been talking about.
As you can see,
this is the top of the head.
It's kind of conically shaped.
And his arm is reaching
down there.
You can kind of see his finger.
- I've got to be honest
with you, though, Graham,
I can't really make it up too
much there, but
- What you see here is
a shining crystal.
- Okay.
- Which is being held
by the individual
in the photograph.
And in this light--
- Do you mean
by a Sasquatch individual?
- Yeah. Maybe you can see
his face
if you can see past
the fingerprints
there on the screen.
- I do sort of see
something there,
but it's kind of hard to see.
It's a little dim there,
but yeah.
Anything that I can do
to somehow connect with these?
- Just the willingness
to be able to communicate
and just say, you know,
"I'd like to meet you,
I have respect for you."
You know, "I'd maybe like
to leave you some gifts."
You know, maybe some frozen fish
or
- Really?
- Some
- Tobacco even.
- Tobacco? They smoke?
- Tobacco and honouring them
in a spiritual manner.
We left chocolate
and they loved it.
- There's a female,
she loved the chocolate.
- And how do you know?
You saw her?
You saw her run up and grab it, or?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, she went right
into the garden.
- Yeah, she like, put up
her hands.
- Looked down, saw the chocolate
and then went "Yay!"
- The Sasquatch did?
- And waved to us.
- You saw it too?
It must be really a nice feeling
to have found somebody
that also sees them.
- Yeah, it's literally
a situation sometimes
where you can see something
that is there
and the other person cannot.
- Great, well, Graham, Amy,
thank you.
(both): Thank you, Tom.
- Let's do this again.
We'll keep the
conversation going.
(dissonant whimsical music)
(piano playing)
Wanna see Charley play
the piano?
Play the piano. Yeah.
(off-key notes)
Good girl.
What do you think of that?
(babbling)
(country music)
- Don't stand so close
to me.
Have you been doing this
a long time?
- I haven't really done TV
in a structured way.
- You were in the biggest show
on cable in the entire world
for a couple of years there.
- Wow, eh?
- So stop saying
you're not a TV person.
You're a TV personality.
You don't have an agent?
- No, I don't have an agent.
- Oh, I thought you had
an agent.
I think Bam Margera's mom
got an agent.
- Oh, well,
I'm not Bam Margera's mom.
- 'Cause they kind of
participated
in the show on Jackass.
You could tell the parents
wanted to be on it.
- Right. Like your parents,
they go like "Ah!"
- It's sort of more
like you now,
like you wanna be on this show.
- I'm here as a producer
on the show.
- Yeah, that's true.
- That's why everything's
going wrong.
(laughing)
- It's going pretty good.
- Stop it, yes, I'm kidding.
(soft music)
- This is Kia, she's a donkey.
She's amazing.
She's four years old.
- What's the purpose
of a donkey?
- Donkeys are known to be
kind of predator control animals
and flocks and stuff.
Like when people have sheep,
they'll put a donkey out there.
- No kidding!
- So with the flock, yeah.
And they will stomp out a coyote
and they're really
kind of pretty
- That's brilliant.
I didn't know.
- So that's why she's so focused
on the dog.
The horse is a mother
and baby horse.
The baby is one year old.
- That's something
that I've never mastered.
I'm a nightmare with horses,
because I just
I can't control them.
They scare me.
- Yeah. First year was
a learning curve for sure.
And it's all about
just keeping your energy calm
and not being nervous.
- You wanna take me for a walk
in the woods, but right now,
here's a little juicy tidbit
right here.
- Yeah, lots of milkweed
around here.
- Yeah, well, when
it's at the stage, you know,
when you get the little
milkweed pods?
- Yeah. The pods.
- When those pods are this big,
collect them and eat them.
They're delicious,
it's like okra.
The flowers, edible,
fully edible, like broccoli.
Delicious. But people aren't
aware of that with the milkweed.
- We haven't even left--
- I know,
we haven't even left your house.
- We already found a meal.
- Well, the thing
about edible plants, Tom,
is that, that's what
I geek out on.
(country music)
- Oh, we need an egg.
- A freshly laid one.
- A fresh
Oh, yes, there we go.
- Nice.
- So we just crack it
into the measuring cup.
One tablespoon of cider vinegar.
- I want to remember
everything too.
I know you've shown me
this before, but.
- Yeah, I did 10 pies here
one day showing you.
- Yeah.
- That's why I thought
I was getting the day off here.
(laughing)
and then you fill this up
with water to the one cup.
Now, hold the thing straight.
- Let me do it.
I'm not stupid.
(chuckling)
- Okay, is it right at the one?
- Literally perfect.
- Get that egg broken
a little bit.
Tablespoon of salt.
And I'll just swoosh it
around a little bit.
In the centre. Yeah.
- Anything I can do, or?
- Mystery ingredient
- Mystery shortening.
- Vegetable shortening. Okay.
- Just cut it up into
little cubies.
- There we go.
- And then you can use
the pastry cutter.
- Okay.
- Can I show you
how to do that?
- Yeah, show me.
- Just kind of rock it
like that.
- Okay, can you show me again
for a minute?
- Yeah, okay. You don't have
to be quite as violent.
- Hands are washed.
- Okay, great.
I remember seeing my mom
sort of rub it like that.
- What?
- Yeah, like that.
- Oh, I think that's
really good actually.
- Yay!
- I think we should divide it
in two.
And then we'll wrap it
in Saran wrap.
- Okay.
- And put it in the fridge.
- Do a bit more forming
of the ball there for me.
- Yeah, we don't want to mess
with too much.
- No, no it's just
for the camera.
We're making
a television show.
- You lose the flake
of the crust.
- I'm trying to make
a television show here.
- Now we get the Saran wrap.
Just ignore him.
You have to learn
how to make it.
- I know, I'm just saying,
I'm just trying to get the shots
we need for the show.
I'm the director,
I'm a director, Mom.
- Yeah, put that in the fridge.
- Okay.
(bird calling)
Little grove of hemlocks
up here I wanted to show you.
- Oh, nice.
- And then there's a ridge
that is up here
with a couple of white pines
up on it,
but it's mostly deciduous
forest.
But there's a few
little coniferous areas.
- So you know your trees
a little bit.
- A little bit, yeah.
A little bit.
- Not very many people know
hemlock.
- Yeah.
- They really don't.
- It's like the forgotten tree.
All of the evergreen trees
make a really nice herbal tea.
And my favourite will always be
the hemlock tree.
Not to be confused
with poison hemlock,
which is a water plant,
which will kill you.
It's the most poisonous plant
in North America.
A teaspoon and you're dead.
- Yeah, definitely don't confuse
it with the other poisonous one.
- Yeah, you don't want
to do that.
You never want to do that.
It's a beautiful country.
- You know, I think Canada
often shows off
with mountains
and the oceans.
I don't know, I just,
I grew up around here.
So I feel very at home here.
I think a lot of people after
they get beyond the age of 12,
maybe, stop running around
in the woods much,
but now I'm back running around
in the woods and sort of
- We're lucky.
We're lucky to have been
had that access
when we were young.
- Awesome. Well, let's go find
those hemlocks.
- Let's go find them.
- Come on up here.
(soft country music)
- Throw some of that to them.
Those are dry worms.
Yeah. Don't eat those.
- Okay.
- Yay!
What sound does a rooster make?
(imitates rooster)
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
Look, I can put a chicken
on my head. Look. Look.
- Take it off and put it in
(babbling)
- Wanna put a chicken
on your head?
- Yeah.
- You do?
You wear my hat, how about that?
Put my hat on.
- Is it going to protect the sun
out of my eyes?
- Yeah, it'll keep the sun
out of your eyes.
Hold it tight with both hands, okay?
Alright, you got a chicken
on your head.
- Poo all over your shoes.
- Do I have poo on my shoe?
- Yeah.
Uncle Tom stepped in poo.
- That's true, that's true.
I did. Poo on my shoe.
Look at me, I've got poo
on my shoe.
Oh, you found a stick there.
Stick!
Oh, stick! Whoa, you got
a stick.
Wow! Is that a stick?
- Now give it back.
- Give it back.
Bring it, bring it.
Give me that stick.
Give me that.
Give me that stick.
- Stay there, Uncle Tom.
I'm going.
- Okay.
(soft music)
Is that lichen and moss?
- All this white stuff here,
this grayish, greenish white.
- Yeah.
- That's actually edible.
- Okay.
- So this is reindeer lichen
or reindeer moss.
You could take this
you know how you get
all dry and crunchy in the sun.
- Yeah.
- You know that, right?
- Yeah.
- Well, if you take this
and give it a little bit
of a fry with some butter.
You're wondering right now
if you can eat some, aren't you?
- Yeah.
- So, yeah.
- Oh, yeah?
There's a little dirt on there.
- It's not gonna taste
like anything.
It's not going to taste good
at all. It's okay.
Think of it like broccolini.
- Yeah.
- Right, so full of starches.
Good survival food.
And everywhere in the north.
Hmm!
There's some flavour. Mmm.
It's got after flavour.
This other stuff,
that's good bum wipe.
- Bum wipe? Oh, yeah?
- Bum wipe. Yeah. Good bum wipe.
- Like emergency toilet paper.
- Emergency toilet paper, yeah.
- Just don't use poison ivy.
- Never use poison ivy, no.
- Was there ever moments
when you were out there
on a deserted island,
or in a rainforest,
or in a jungle somewhere
where things went wrong
and you just realized,
"Oh, wait a minute,
I'm in trouble here."
- The first one was
in the Kalahari Desert,
and I had heat stroke.
I was not play acting.
I mean, I was really struggling.
That was rough.
But the rougher one than that
was going down the mountain
in Norway.
Heading down the mountain
has turned out way worse
than I expected.
I'd known from my understanding
of this area
that getting down to the ocean
is possible,
but many of the areas
are far too steep to manage.
And getting trapped at the top
of a cliff is a real danger.
And I was becoming hypothermic.
I was soaked right
through my clothing
from the freezing rain
and wet snow.
I was soaked also
because of my sweat.
That was the most dangerous
moment where I thought,
"I'm in trouble here."
And there's no way out.
Nobody's coming to get me.
Wherever it's cold,
is going to be
the toughest place to survive.
- So did you bring any food
with you
or you brought some food
with you, or?
- Over the years
and over the shows,
I played around with different
possibilities, like,
"Here's a survival kit
I just took off the shelf
of Canadian Tire."
And I would take that out
and debunk it
or enjoy it or whatever.
Here's something that's
surprisingly tasty.
- Uh-huh.
- Two things.
Scorpions and rattlesnakes.
- Okay.
- Surprisingly tasty.
- Scorpions seems surprising.
- Scorpions are delicious,
they're like eating the crispy
end off of a chicken wing.
- Okay.
- I'd eat a scorpion again.
I could go for one right now.
Like, if you're gonna eat
a scorpion,
you have to chop off
the poisonous part, you know,
of the tail, the stinger.
- Okay. Good to know.
- Scorpions are, I think,
shrimp family.
- Oh, okay, yeah. Like shrimp.
- Exactly.
- Oh, my gosh. All-you-can-eat
scorpion.
- All-you-can-eat scorpions.
So what's the most common thing
that you would eat
to survive
in the Canadian wilderness
or in a wilderness in general,
I guess?
- If you're near water and
you have any way of accessing,
like catching fish,
I think that's always
going to be the easiest,
most productive thing.
(water rushing)
- We're here in Port Hope,
Ontario,
catching some salmon.
Well, we haven't caught any yet,
but we're going to.
Thanks so much, Ruben.
This is fun. Ruben, our guide
here is taking us out.
- Alright, Tom,
we'll keep going
and we'll get you
a big one here.
- Dad and I are out
fishing today.
Dad, have you ever caught
a salmon before?
- Oh, yes, I have.
I caught one in BC once.
- There you go.
- It wasn't very big.
It was about six pounds.
- Yeah.
How many fish run up
that river every year?
- Every year, we have
the massive salmon migration.
In Port Hope, you have over
20,000 to 30,000 salmon.
- What's the life cycle
of a salmon?
- They're born in the rivers,
they stay there
and they get washed out
into the lake.
Six years later,
as they feed on bait fish
in Lake Ontario,
they grow bigger,
and eventually,
when they are ready
to start the cycle again,
they will move to the rivers
and go as far as they can
to be able to lay their eggs.
And when they're ready to spawn,
and the rains wash out
in September,
they can almost smell silt
coming out of these rivers.
It's almost a map to come back
to their home birthplace.
- Got one.
- Yeah, reel, reel, reel!
- I caught my first salmon.
- Yes, you did.
- Oh, shit.
At the very end of the day.
Every time I had a fish on
and then it got off,
what was I doing wrong there?
- You weren't doing
anything wrong, Tom.
- This is a video about the guy
who loses the most fish
in one day.
Everyone else was pulling
them out like it was nothing.
- These fish are very powerful.
Strong fish, but they're strong
for the other guy too.
I'm strong, I'm a strong guy.
- You're using a light line,
so you tend to lose
a lot of fish.
Big teeth, so you're
breaking lines and lines tangle.
- I had about 15 on the line,
but they all got off.
I would ask you to let me
hold it, but--
- You want to?
- No,
I'd pretend that we caught it
for our show.
- That's okay.
- That would be dishonest, though.
- You know what they say,
fake it until you make it.
- Exactly.
Alright, it worked out.
We caught one!
I will catch a fish today.
- Right. That's it. Get it!
- Hey!
Alright, alright, I got one!
- Being able to catch
a truly incredible fish
and having you and your father
out on the river that day,
and to be able to showcase that,
to people, for me has been
truly incredible.
After so much hard work,
this is why we're here.
- When we caught my salmon,
we released it afterwards.
- That's correct, yes.
We were able to catch
a beautiful female king salmon,
so she was carrying many,
many, many eggs.
So she was healthily caught
and released
to go back and lay her eggs
in the river.
Port Hope does a lot of work
to be able to protect
these fish.
- Dad what did you think?
Did you have fun?
- I did have fun.
It was amazing.
You mentioned a female fish.
Is there a male fish too?
- That's correct,
so they'll pair up.
- Oh, they have to pair up
when they lay the eggs?
Okay, they have
to fertilize them.
- They fertilize them
after they lay them, right?
- That's correct.
- Oh, okay. It's a tough job,
but you know, some of us have
to do it I guess.
- Yeah.
And so do they all die
after that?
- That's correct.
- Even the male fish too?
- All the fish.
They've completed their mission.
- So they just know
they're going to die,
so they swim up the river,
lay eggs
and die every six years.
- That's correct.
- But they die happy.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause it's sex for them, right?
- Yeah, that's right, Dad.
That's right. 'Cause it's sex.
Is that what you're saying?
- Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
- Well, thanks Ruben.
- My pleasure.
- Ruben on the river. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
(soft music)
- Apple peeling time?
- Apple peeling time.
- Make some apple pie.
(cheering)
- I'll be the blossom remover.
- Okay.
- I don't think I've ever peeled
an apple before.
- I can tell.
Good boy.
- Thank you.
- People will think
you should have been coring it
and doing it,
but I've never done it that way.
- I don't know if
a lot of online trolls
really have strong opinions
about apple coring.
- About pies?
- I feel like Martha Stewart
might have something different
to say on that.
- You think she follows us?
- No, but I think she probably
has gotten her own flack before
for how she chose
to peel an apple.
- Oh, I see what you mean.
- Or a potato. Or
- Insider trading.
- Or that.
- I like Martha.
- Me too!
(soft music)
- Nothing like the sound of wind
in white pine.
All the other evergreens,
they all sound great.
White pine? It's a whole
different frequency.
- They creak different,
or what is it?
- No, no, no.
Not the creaking, no.
It's the wind through
the needles.
And I really hear it a lot
in a place called Temagami,
Ontario,
which is farther north, right?
We have the big red
and white pines there.
So you've got the red pines,
the white pines,
the hemlocks, cedars.
And if you get to
the right spot,
like a place like this
where they stand alone
and you listen to the wind
go through,
they all have their sound.
But the white pine,
it just sounds like Ontario.
It's just a certain kind of
it's like a frequency.
You being back here, what,
four years now?
- Yeah.
- You'll remember a lot
from your childhood,
but now with your adult ears
and your adult senses,
you've got a chance over
the next 20 years
to kind of get in touch with
the nuances of being out here.
(country music)
- Hey, Logan, how are you?
You doing good?
- Who's this?
- Larry.
- Do you love Larry?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? How old is Larry,
did you ask him?
- How old are you?
- I'm 111.
- I'm two.
- Two!
- Only time anyone ever talks
to me is when Logan comes over.
- Don't lie, Larry.
You and I chat over there.
And Charley sleeps with you.
- It's like I'm a piece of crap
or something like that.
- Shh. Earmuffs, earmuffs!
- They treat me like crap
around here.
It's abuse, I tell you,
it's abuse!
When you leave,
I can sit on the couch.
- Everybody loves you.
- You love me, you love me.
Do you love me?
- Larry.
- This guy kept me in
a cardboard box
for eight months.
- That doesn't sound very nice!
- You're not supposed to tell
everybody that.
- Maybe if you gave Larry a hug,
he wouldn't be so grumpy.
- I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
- Oh, here you go, Larry.
There's a nice hug.
Oh, that's so nice.
I think I see his heart growing!
(groaning)
(giggling)
- Let's go eat the donkey.
- No!
- No, okay.
- That's right.
(mellow music)
- That is intense, oh, my God.
Look up underneath here.
- Oh, yeah.
- Wow!
This is one of those moments
where I've never seen
anything like this.
I mean, I don't know if this is
a healthy thing, or.
You see something like this
in the Amazon jungle,
you do not get this close.
- Right.
- Ontario is so our forest is
kind of bucolic.
It's beautiful, it's serene.
And it's so safe that we can
come right up
to something like this.
It's amazing.
- Maybe we've discovered
something.
- We'll have to come up
with a name for it then.
- Stroud beetle.
- Yeah, the Stroud.
It's your property,
you can call it.
- The Green Stroud.
- The Green Stroud. There we go!
- Green Stroud larvae.
- I don't think I want to
eat them, though.
- No.
Come lie down again.
Come lie down.
(country music)
No, not my new hat, no!
Kia! Hey, come on, no, Kia!
Hey, hey, no. No!
Give me the hat. Jeez! Ugh.
Shit.
- Okay, we're gonna roll up
the dough.
- Okay, so that's nice.
- Touch it up.
- Apple time? A cup of sugar.
- Nice. Oh, look at that.
- My mother always used
white sugar.
Some people also put in
brown sugar,
but she didn't like that.
- Was she racist?
- What's that got to do
with anything?
(laughing)
- A teaspoon of cinnamon.
And half a teaspoon of nutmeg.
- I guess we're all having fun, huh?
- Yeah. Okay.
- You wanna roll one, maybe?
- You're making a top.
- Yeah, okay.
- It has to be perfect.
- Yeah.
- Think out.
- Let me show you.
Go like this and like that.
- Oh, yeah, exactly what
I was doing.
Wow, that's nice.
- Pinch it. You can use a fork,
but my mom always did that.
- Now, what do you heat
the oven to?
- 425. Turn it to 350
after three minutes.
- We should probably be having
wine while we do that.
- I know, what's up, Tom?
- Crack that open. Okay.
Let's get that booze in ya
as quick as possible. Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers, Tom.
Okay, let's get the lid
on this puppy.
- Woo-hoo!
- Wow, good job.
- Tom, you look like you've been
playing in the flour.
- Yeah, I don't know
if you've noticed,
but we've been making pies.
- Amanda, do you think
you'll be able to remember this?
- Yes. One's in the fridge.
Two will go in.
- Okay, let's do these two.
There we go.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- So let's put a timer on
for maybe 10 minutes
at that temperature, and then
we'll turn it down to 350.
(banjo music)
- Got a stick?
Where's the stick?
That's why we love dogs, right?
It reminds us
of what it was like
being six and playing
with a stick.
(Tom groaning)
(bird calling in the distance)
- If we sit here,
we're completely quiet.
It generally takes the forest
about 15 to 20 minutes
to get used to you
and then stuff will start
coming close again.
- Mm-hmm.
- I think one of the greatest
compliments you can be paid
as a human being,
is if you're in nature
and you realize that the animals
around you
are indifferent to you.
When they get to that place
where wildlife doesn't care
about you,
that's a good place to be.
Why did you do this?
- I was in Los Angeles
for 20 years.
I'd been touring,
doing stand-up,
always travelling, travelling, travelling.
Then when the pandemic happened,
the tour stopped.
My parents are doing good,
but we're all getting older
and COVID happened,
and it made me feel
so much further away from home.
Found this place,
and it just re-energized
my love of getting out
in the woods.
- Right back to childhood again.
- Yeah.
What is it?
- You open this.
I want to put them in there.
- Okay.
- It's a bag.
- Okay. It's a bag, yeah.
What are you putting in the bag?
- They're my rocks and
(babbling)
- Nice, those are nice rocks.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Tie it all up! No, tie it!
Tie it.
- Oh, sorry, we have to
put them back.
Oh, so we have to tie it. Sorry.
Okay, sorry.
You just put them all in
and I spilled them all.
Yeah.
- Couple more.
- Couple more.
- Now let's tie them all up.
- Okay, tie it up, okay.
Just take one out and tie it up?
- No.
- Okay. Let's tie this up.
- No, I said don't put
rocks out!
- Oh, don't.
- They're special rocks.
- Oh, okay. We don't want
to lose one, okay.
Put that in, then tie it?
- No. No.
- No? Okay. Alright.
Where are you going?
You're leaving?
- Yeah, I'm leaving.
- Where are you going?
Am I being weird?
Am I being too weird?
(soft music)
Now there's that show Alone,
which is sort of like that,
and then Bear Grylls.
It's definitely a strange thing
when you see something
that you've done,
and you remember having thought
of something that
you've never seen before
and putting it on TV,
and then you see someone else
do the exact same thing.
- Yeah, I think you speak
from knowledge.
- I've seen a few people
paint their parents' house
over the years and put it on TV.
- Well, this was the thing.
I don't want to blow smoke
up either of our bums here,
but the reality is that
you were also doing something
that no one else had done.
- Do you want to go do
that show, do Survivorman again?
- I'll tell you this, and I've
never said this yet publicly.
On my YouTube channel,
I've said,
"If you get me to a million
subs,
I'll do another Survivorman."
And those buggers,
those fans of mine,
I'm up to 915,000 subs.
- Okay.
- So if I get to a million,
and I'm going to call it
Survivorman Returns
and I come back and
do a full-scale Survivorman
and I'm going to do it live.
- Live, okay. Wow.
- Seven days live.
- Okay.
- And it'll be me,
and I'll be doing,
I'll be being Survivorman.
And what I'm kind of doing
with that cock is like,
"Okay, I know all those
other shows that are going on.
Let me show you how to do
this again," sort of thing.
And that'll be my swan song.
- Where else can we see
Survivorman content these days?
- My Wild Harvest series
is on PBS, and on YouTube,
and out there doing well.
I'll hopefully do a season four
of that.
Possibly Survivorman Returns.
But other than that,
it's music.
- The music is a big part
of your life now.
You're not just surviving
in the woods.
- No, no. My life is
three acts right now.
The first act was
as an outdoor guy.
The second act,
documentary filmmaker.
And the third act, music.
(guitar playing)
I wanted to feel ♪
A wind blow across my face ♪
I wanted to see ♪
- I've got a brand new album
coming out
that Colin Linden produced.
I've got Bruce Coburn
to play on it with me.
- Oh, cool.
- I've got another album
that Mike Klink is producing
and he worked with me
on an album called Mother Earth.
I had Slash and Steve Vai
join me for that.
- Wow.
- My music, all of it,
is music that celebrates nature.
It's all about
the natural world.
- It's great talk today, Les.
Thanks.
- Thank you, Tom.
It's been wonderful.
And thanks for inviting me
to this place.
You're sitting on paradise
and I think you know that.
- Yeah, no, thank you.
It's great to have you here.
We'll do it again.
(growling)
(country music)
- Ooh!
- Very nice.
- Look how pretty they look.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, wow, look at that.
Oh, my gosh. Wow.
- Ooh!
- It smells like
Grandma's apple pie.
- I've never smelt
your grandma's apple pie,
but I imagine.
- You have now.
- Must be just as good.
- Passing the torch.
- Passing the torch.
- Very nice.
- We've got one more to put in.
Two-finger test?
Two-finger sniff test?
They taught me that
in high school, actually.
In science class.
- I don't wanna know about
your high school two-finger
sniff test.
(laughing)
- It sounds so bad, actually.
They do teach you that so that--
- Stop, stop, my mother's here.
- I think we should put
the third pie in.
- It's a Grandmother apple pie
thing. It's like, come on.
I don't even know
what's funny about that.
I don't even know
why you're laughing.
(soft music)
I got to make some music
with my mom this year,
it was a lot of fun.
Went down to the recording
studio down the road,
the Bathouse, the Tragically
Hip studio
and recorded this song
by Ian and Sylvia.
The song is called
Summer Wages.
Let's have a look and a listen.
(Summer Wages performed by
Tom Green and Mary Jane Green)
Never hit 17 when you play
against the dealer ♪
You know that the odds won't
ride with you ♪
Never leave your woman alone ♪
When your friends are out
to steal her ♪
She'll be gambled and gone
like summer wages ♪
And we'll keep rolling on
till we get to Vancouver ♪
And the lady that I love
she's living there ♪
It's been six long months ♪
And more since I've seen her ♪
Maybe she's gambled and gone
like summer wages ♪
In all the big parlours
all down on Main Street ♪
The dreams of the season are
spilled down on the floor ♪
All the big stands of timber
wait there just for falling ♪
The hookers standing
watchfully ♪
Waiting by the door ♪
I gotta work on them towboats
with my slippery city shoes ♪
Lord I swore
I would never do that again ♪
Through the great fogbound
straits ♪
Where the cedars stand
waiting ♪
I'll be lost and gone
like summer wages ♪
In all the big parlours
all down on Main Street ♪
The dreams of the season are
spilled down on the floor ♪
All the big stands of timber
wait there just for falling ♪
The hookers waiting
watchfully ♪
Standing by the door ♪
Never hit 17 when you play
against the dealer ♪
You know that the odds won't
ride with you ♪
Never leave your woman alone ♪
When your friends are out
to steal her ♪
She'll be gambled and gone
like summer wages ♪
She'll be gambled and gone ♪
Like summer wages ♪
Thanks, Mom.
- You're welcome, Tom.
- Thank you, Mommy.
Mary Jane Green.