This Is a Gardening Show (2026) s01e06 Episode Script

[mellow music playing]
[clucking]
As pessimistic as one can get these days,
the garden's our hope.
The earth is our hope.
Nature is our hope.
I just think
if people had all this knowledge,
if people continue to gravitate
towards learning about sustainability,
I think we can see a turn,
but everybody's gotta pitch in.
I… Humans will survive.
There'll be mass population decline,
and then there'll be
a small group of people
that will be able to continue on,
and their lineage
will be able to continue on.
Uh, but a lot of us, uh…
are gonna die.
We'll just add a laugh track.
[crew laughs]
Call out the instigators ♪
Because there's something in the air ♪
We've got to get together
Sooner or later ♪
Because the revolution's here ♪
And you know it's right ♪
We have got to get it together now ♪
[song fades out]
[mellow music playing]
[Zach] There's a lot of scraps.
A lot of scraps in the world.
What do we do with all these scraps?
Well, you pile 'em up,
and then you plant something
in those scraps.
So today, let's talk about compost.
Whaa!
[mellow music playing]
Welcome to our garden.
Thank you, Isla. It's nice to be here.
What's your favorite thing
about composting?
That we get to use all the dead stuff
and mush it up. [giggles]
And turn it into something
that we can use…
-Yes.
-…to plant other things.
-Yes.
-That's the miracle of it, right?
-Yes.
-You want a piece of gum?
-Okay.
-No, no, no, wait. I can't.
-Okay.
-Wait, are you allowed to at school?
I don't know.
Show me around, Ewan. What's in here?
[Ewan] We've got some edible flowers.
-They're really spicy.
-Oh my gosh! These are edible flowers?
Yeah. They don't taste that good to me.
-They're not my favorite.
-[gasping]
Aw!
What is it?
It kinda tastes like a tree.
How do you know
what a tree tastes like? [giggles]
You've never eaten a tree?
-No.
-Okay, let's go this way.
-Show me more this way.
-Okay.
-What do you like about gardening?
-I like to dig up stuff.
I like seeing how they grow.
What is your favorite vegetable?
Probably some carrots.
Mmm. Cucumber.
I like broccoli.
You do like broccoli!
It's my favorite.
-What's your favorite fruit?
-Kale.
-Kale's not a fruit.
-Oh, wait.
Your favorite fruit is…?
Mango.
-I love a good mango.
-Yeah.
-I like your hairstyle.
-Yeah?
You and I have good,
kind of rebellious hairstyles, you and I.
-Don't you think?
-Yeah.
What kind of music do you listen to?
Nickelbacks?
-No.
-Nobody. Can't find one person.
[Ewan] These are ghost peppers.
-[Zach] Are they haunted?
-[Ewan] No.
[Zach] Then why do
they call 'em ghost peppers?
[Ewan] Because they're really hot.
But most ghosts
aren't known for being hot.
If you could be anything in the world
that you wanted to be, what would you be?
I want to be a vet.
You don't mean a veteran.
-You mean a veterinarian. Yeah.
-Yeah.
Probably somebody who works in a show.
-Works in a show?
-Yeah.
-Oh, like show business stuff?
-Yeah. Have you ever seen School of Rock?
Who is that with?
Jack Black.
-Never heard of that guy.
-He's one of my favorite actors.
-Good for him.
-No. My first favorite is Ryan Reynolds.
Ryan Reynolds.
-It'd be nice to meet an actor one day.
-Yeah.
It would be nice
to meet Ryan Reynolds and Jack Black.
Yeah. You ever heard of this guy,
Zach Galifianakis?
-Yeah.
-What do you think of that guy?
He's not my favorite.
Hmm.
[mellow music playing]
There's scarlet runner beans,
and under here,
there's probably one that's cut open.
Wow. Look how gorgeous that is.
You know what they look like?
Cyndi Lauper's pants.
[Isla] What?
Do you think you could do a little test,
like what is a plant
and what is not a plant?
-Yeah.
-Okay. Asparagus.
-Plant or not a plant?
-Plant.
-Sweet potato?
-Plant.
-Sour potato?
-Not plant.
-Endive?
-Yeah.
-Swan dive?
-No.
Eggplant?
Plant.
Scrambled eggplant?
Not plant.
Robert Plant?
Not plant.
You're good.
You're very, very good.
[mellow music playing]
Can I smoke out here?
-No, you're not allowed to smoke.
-Okay.
Kale is one of the most hardy plants.
Don't you think?
[Ewan] Actually…
Ooh, what happened?
Broke off.
Come on. Let's go.
Has Ryan Reynolds
ever been to this garden?
-[Ewan] Mmm. No.
-[Zach] Yeah. Doesn't seem interested.
I'm gonna read a list of names,
and I want you to tell me
if they're fruits or vegetables or not.
-Okay.
-Okay, ready?
Horseradish.
-Vegetable?
-Yes.
Jackfruit.
I think it's a fruit.
Jack Black.
Never heard of it.
-You never heard of Jack Black?
-Yeah.
Who has?
[both laugh]
Liberaces.
Not a fruit.
That just doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't make a lot of sense.
That's probably the wisest thing
anyone's said on this show.
I knew you were smart
the moment you walked in here.
I could tell.
-But glasses doesn't mean I am smart.
-No, I know.
And I don't-- You're right.
I don't want to stereotype.
-And my beard doesn't mean that I'm smart.
-I know.
[Zach] Composting provides
the ideal environment
for organisms
like bacteria and "fun guys."
Excuse me, fungi,
to break down organic waste.
The stuff left over is compost.
[string music playing]
[Zach] It would be cool
if it produced "fun guys," though.
[fun guy] Whoo-hoo!
[Zach] Or tech bros.
-[bro 1] Uh-huh.
-[bro 2 grunts]
[string music ends]
I know you sit around your house
in the morning,
drinking your coffee,
thinking to yourself,
"Man, if I could just one day
talk to a composting expert."
We found one.
[mellow music playing]
[Zach] Let's go talk to Joyce.
Some of this hasn't broken down yet.
It's kind of wasteful.
[crunching]
-Joyce! Hey!
-Hey, Zach! Good to see ya!
-Nice to see you!
-Yeah.
-I'm very excited about all this.
-Welcome to Merville!
Hey, thank you for having me.
I brought you some peppers from my garden.
It's the last thing in my greenhouse.
-Whoo!
-I don't know. But they're just…
-Oh, that's gold. Thank you.
-Prized peppers, yeah.
-Beauty.
-Seven dollars.
I owe you seven dol…?! [laughs]
[mellow music playing]
[Zach] So the question is,
what is compost?
Compost is decomposing organic matter.
Soil is earth that is alive.
It's a mixture of sand and clay and silt,
but in order to make soil alive,
you need to add
a lot of organic material to it.
And so, the ideal way to do that is
by adding compost.
And then all this compost
will feed the plants.
What you want in compost
is a nice mix of high carbon.
And leaves are your classic example.
Or high nitrogen, and grass clippings
are your classic example.
But we're talking about
not this kind of grass clippings.
-No, no. No!
-Well, you can't do that.
You could compost that.
That'd be great for your compost.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You have set up an amazing…
is it a quiz, would you say?
This is the Test Your Compost Skills game.
Some of it is great for your compost.
Some of it is terrible for your compost.
-And some is debatable.
-[Zach] Okay. Let's get started.
-Now, do you mind if I just say yes or no?
-Okay.
[Zach] Plastic?
-Do you think I'm an idiot?
-[laughs]
Don't answer that.
"Dog or cat pooh"?
No. Is this supposed to represent that?
Well, you don't want me out here
with dog poop on the table.
-That's a good point.
-Yeah.
I was gonna say whoever's dog this is,
I'd like to have one just like this.
-'Cause this is a great pet.
-One very productive…
[Zach] Okay, coffee?
One of the greatest things.
-Yep. Excellent.
-[Zach] Shredded paper, good.
-[Joyce] Really good.
-[Zach] Eggshells, fantastic.
-[Joyce] Adds calcium.
-[Zach] Yep.
Clothes? I would put
100% cotton clothes in there.
But I wouldn't necessarily put
my jockstrap that's made in Italy.
[laughing] You're good.
My high-end jockstrap that I wear.
My personal opinion is the teabag industry
sold out and made all of these plastic.
So they can go themselves.
-Ouch! [laughs]
-Sorry. Excuse my language.
[laughs] "Ouch!"
[both laughing]
"Ouch."
Why do I feel like
I don't wanna put bread in mine?
'Cause of mold factors?
-'Cause of animal factors.
-Oh, okay. Not mold.
Mold is great for your compost.
It's another decomposer, right?
-It's still helping to break stuff down.
-That's right. I guess. Okay.
-And same with fish, eggshells, dairy.
-[Zach] Fish. Yeah.
If you're gonna put animal attractants
in a plastic bin--
[Zach] Gotta do metal.
You… Yeah, or bury it in deep
so that animals can't smell it.
Most of this stuff is great for compost.
-Yeah.
-It's kind of,
if human beings have touched it,
just kinda stay away from it, almost.
-You want all this to be nature.
-Sure, that's a good rule of thumb.
The closer to the tree, right?
-Can I show you my compost?
-Yes, please.
-All right. What do you think?
-That's great.
-Not bad, right?
-Yeah, really.
[Zach] There might be a finger.
Don't tell anybody.
-[Joyce laughs] Okay. Body parts.
-[Zach] Terrible accident at the house.
It's beautiful. I'm impressed.
You've done a great job.
I'm very, very happy to hear you say that.
-Yeah.
-Yes.
It's nice and rich. And, oh, smell that.
Yeah, it smells. No.
This was not the case when I dug it out.
It was a little stinky,
and now it's dried up a bit. Yeah.
So probably on the bottom
it might be still stinky.
-If it's stinky…
-No good.
…it needs to decompose some more.
And you probably need
to add some more carbon.
-Some more of your--
-But this is a good smell, right?
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-Smell this.
[Joyce laughs]
[mellow music playing]
[Joyce] So these are our Speedibins.
My dad started
the Speedibin business 30 years ago.
They're designed to keep out rats,
'cause the fear of rats is the main reason
that people don't compost at home.
And so our goal
is to resolve that further.
-Get rid of that fear.
-Yeah.
-I dig a little hole.
-Yeah.
Pour in all the stinkies.
And then cover it over.
And then, because that is high nitrogen,
we need to balance it
with your carbon source.
So in this case, our leaves.
And so what I generally do
is for every pail full of scraps,
I'll put in a couple handfuls
of leaves on the top.
And look at all these worms, eh?
-Oh, yeah. Look at that.
-That is a healthy compost.
-[Zach] Right.
-[Joyce] That means it's alive.
And there's gonna be thousands
of different decomposing microbes
in there.
You can't buy that.
You cannot go to a store
and buy this beautiful, rich stuff. It…
For… for one thing,
if you were to buy it in a store,
they would probably pasteurize it
and kill all the goodness in it, right?
Also wrap it in plastic.
-That's right.
-There's more problems.
-You can make your own stuff.
-[Joyce] Exactly.
[Zach] Yeah. This is all the future.
-It has to be the future. It has to be.
-It is. Yep. Yep.
-Amazing. Joyce…
-Yep.
-I'm so glad that I got to meet you.
-[laughs]
Honestly, thank you.
This has been a thrill.
-Yeah, it's been great for me too.
-Really good.
We need a lot of people like you
in the future. We really, really do.
-Yeah.
-The heroes of the earth.
-Thank you, Joyce.
-[laughing]
[mellow music playing]
You know, I always tell people, you know,
if you're gonna go into the garden,
there's no need for, uh…
for any technology.
All those bells and whistles that come
through the phone are not needed.
You need to be in the earth.
[phone ringing]
[sighs] Hold on. Hold on.
Hello?
Hey.
I'm doing some garden show.
What are you doing?
Sick.
All right. Bye.
[dramatic music playing]
[people cheering]
[worms cheering]
[worm squeaks]
[music ends]
[upbeat, funky music playing]
[vocalizations]
[Zach] Wow, look at this forest.
Should be a lot of things around here
that we could compost.
[children chattering]
[Zach] That checks out.
That checks out. That checks out.
No Nerf products.
Okay. I think we're good.
-Guys, should we sing some songs?
-[child] Yeah.
[Zach] Composting is so fun ♪
Everybody.
Composting is so fun ♪
[children join in]
Composting is so fun ♪
[Zach] Guess who's not fun at all? ♪
-Ryan Reynolds! ♪
-Ryan Reynolds! ♪
Okay. Here we go, guys.
Good job.
[upbeat, funky music continues]
[music ends]
[Zach] Hey, Ewan.
I know the lady that makes these.
-You ever met Joyce?
-No.
She's a smart-ass.
[Ewan] Okay.
[mellow music playing]
[birds chirping]
[Zach] I honestly think, for human beings,
and for the world itself,
the only future is agrarian.
We should all know how to garden.
It's a better hobby than Jet Skiing.
Uh, it's a better hobby than…
I used to alphabetize my coat hangers
just for fun.
It's good for you.
Plus, it feeds you.
Trust me.
You're talking to a guy
that used to eat cigarettes.
Why gardening?
Well, why not?
Good enough! Everybody go home.
Ow!
[voicemail beeps]
[Ryan] Uh, hey, Zach. It's Ryan Reynolds.
I saw the show.
Not a huge fan.
Uh, but I love the gardening part.
I like the topics
and the message and the love.
Uh, you know, I love the guests.
I'm not a huge fan of whatever it is
that you personally are doing, though. Um…
But I was wondering
if you could pass my number on to Ewan.
If you wouldn't mind, I have a couple
of projects I'd love to run by him.
Byeeee.
Oh, don't you hate it
when people do "byeeee"? [chuckles]
I hate it so much. Byeeee.
Oh God. I'm doing it all over again.
All right. I hate you. See ya.
[voicemail beeps]
[Ewan] When people die,
do they throw bodies in there as compost?