Tom Goes to the Mayor (2004) s01e06 Episode Script
Porcelain Birds
0
Jefferton alive
Hi. I'm the Mayor,
and my door is always open for you!
Jefferton alive
My name is Tom Peters,
and I'm full of ideas.
Community spirit!
Hi. How are you?
Shopping!
Food!
Free to be, being free ♪
Jefferton alive
You're all wet, aren't you?
My babies.
Sweet chippies.
I'm gonna have
to sit you out in the sun.
I'm getting you
all wet, aren't I?
Ring-a-ding-ding.
- I'm Tom Peters.
- Hello, Tom.
I just wanted to drop by
and talk to you about my petition.
- OK. Great.
- Yeah.
I'm volunteering for a little group called Animal Action Now
and what we're trying to do is save the old bird sanctuary
that's next to the Bronzing Plant.
No, no.
You know, the City Council has offered to lease the land
for the next 20 years
if we can get 5,000 signatures.
No.
And as a courtesy, I thought
I'd leave the last signature for you.
Well, Tom. I wish I could help you here,
but I just don't want to.
Let me turn you on to something.
Welcome back to the beautiful world of porcelain birds.
I am Diane.
Look at this!
The amazing detail that goes into each and every one of these birds.
- This one is
- My lady finch.
She reminds me
of my daughter Misty, just
She's staying with her father right now,
and she prefers it, and
Wow!
What an investment!
This deal will only last tonight, so pick up
the phone, won't you, and reserve your
I'm getting a message from my producers.
They're saying there's only three left.
They are selling fast!
Misty, call Mommy if you can.
God, I love those birds!
I just don't know
what that has to do
Tom, you see,
it's like a triangle.
You know
how the stock market works?
This is what you do. You start
by ordering 300 of these porcelain birds.
- Right.
- Not a big deal.
Then you sign up 100 friends,
60 of your closest family members
enroll them
in a Porcelain Bird Starter Plan.
- OK.
- This way, I get one free bird
and you generate enough cash to buy that sanctuary.
I don't really have
that kind of money now.
Come on, guy.
Life is a risk.
Well, I guess I could put it on my Discovery Card.
Give itgive it to me.
Must be a bad magnetic strip.
Give it a second.
That's good. That's good.
No. No. It went through.
Tom Peters' phone.
Mr. Peter, this is Sandy from the National Porcelain Center
confirming your order today
for 300 birds.
OK. Is that how many I ordered?
Mr. Peter, I'm confirming that your total for today's purchase order will be
$67,856.
$37,000
..was placed
on your Discovery Card.
The remaining balance of
$35,000
..plus an overage charge of
$700
..was charged
to cardholder Joy Peter.
No, no. I'm not authorized to use that card.
Mr. Peter
Shut up, Steve. Shut up!
Thank you for joining
the National Porcelain Center!
So these birds will increase in value?
Mr. Peter, thank you again for your order.
Crickets!
All right, uh
Mr. Peters,
we're all looking forward
to seeing that petition.
Right. Well, the petition.
You know, we kind of took another approach there.
You know, what I did was
I bought a bunch of,
you know, porcelain birds
that willresell for
I'm sorry.
What did you say again?
- Triple, Tom.
- Triple.
I'm a little confused here.
Gentlemen, we all know
the bird sanctuary is in danger.
What my business partner
and I did was invest
in one of the most trusted and stable markets out there.
Porcelain birds.
With the profits we make
from this fail-safe investment
Jefferton will be able
to purchase the bird sanctuary
and own it forever and ever.
Amen.
Well, if you want to go that route
my first suggestion would be
to get these things professionally appraised.
Of course, and I know just the TV show to do it on.
We now return
to the Traveling Appraisal Show
How Much?
with Benjamin Kaplan.
Well, well, well,
what do we have here?
What a marvelous sparrow!
Really beautiful!
This looks mid-century.
Do you know where these
originally came from? The provenance?
You know,
I just ordered them.
You or-- They're new?
Is that good?
Let me ask you something.
How much
did you pay for these?
Let's see.
They were 39.99.
- The falcons were 49.99.
- The falcons are bigger.
I'm sorry to have to say this, but
you'd have to lock these up
for at least 100 years
before they would increase in value.
But the lady
on the phone said that
I'm not done.
There would also have to be
some sort of crazy Mad Max or Waterworld type situation
where porcelain becomes more valuable than gold.
Frankly, you'd actually have better luck
melting these down
and making a few toilets with them.
Now, Tom. Tom, Tom, Tom,
what was your guess?
$300,000?
Slimed!
Tom!
What did you do
with my Discovery Card?
They're telling me
the card is maxed out.
Don't panic. It's just
in a holding pattern right now, honey.
Holding pattern?
I can't even buy my son his snacks
because of you!
I've gotten into an investment opportunity with the Mayor, Joy. We're working it out.
I don't ever want you
using that card.
Effing idiot!
Ah, shoot.
Maybe this isn't the best time, but
I'm having some credit issues
right now, and
Just look at this place, Tom.
We just got to figure out another way to save this sanctuary.
Well, we could start the petition up again.
I'm thinking.
Ahh. Buh. Burnz. Bah. Ha.
Aha. Oh, burnz.
Burnz. Whoa.
Hello?
Tom, I think I got it.
So
You want to bronze
300 of these birds?
Well, you know, if you think they'll increase in value.
Yes, we do.
It's your money,
but before we do any bronzing
I'm required by law
to show you this instructional film.
Over here. Watch.
So you decided to bronze something.
Man has bronzed
his most precious monuments
for millions of years.
There are 3 steps to the bronzing process.
First, a customer chooses an object to be bronzed.
Second, the object is dipped into a molten vat of liquid bronze.
Finally, the bronze hardens
forming a mold around the object for years to come.
Fascinating!
Let's see here.
300 birds.
Double bronze coating.
That's gonna cost you.
All right, sir.
Here's the damage.
- Your card, please.
- No.
I'm sorry.
I'm completely maxed out here.
I guess we could offer him
the bird sanctuary.
Bird sanctuary?
What am I gonna do with that?
Well, I guess
I could use the land.
Actually, I have a problem with that. I just
- Excuse me.
- Go ahead, Tom.
I feel like, if we
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
Yeah, God bless you.
- Yeah, God bless you.
- Tom, are you all right?
Because if you have a problem,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
I really think that
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
We got a medical emergency at the Bronzing Plant.
We now return
to the Traveling Appraisal Show
How Much?
Well, considering
we had them bronzed
I'm gonna have to say
$800,000?
Slimed!
Oh, wow, Tom.
Jeez.
Well, what are you gonna do?
I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
Look at that.
I ruined the bird sanctuary and
the porcelain bird center says
I have to send all the birds back
because I can't pay off
the bill I have.
Tom, that's not too bad.
We'll just send them back, then.
I can't send them back!
They're all bronzed.
Shh, Buddy, come on.
They're gonna take my house, Mayor!
Joy says she's gonna sue me
if I don't pay off this bill.
Come on, buddy.
Let's go see that bronze man again.
Hey, honey, have you seen my keys?
Oh, no!
I bronzed them!
Not everything permanent needs to be permanent forever.
Unbronzing consists of a one-step process, know as
unbronzing.
First, the bronze coating is removed from the object.
OK. Let's unbronze them.
Billy crickets!
Tom, thanks for meeting me.
How you doing?
Pretty good, you know.
I'm staying with my friend Gibbons
for a while. Until things blow over.
Well, I really felt bad
about the way things happened
and I wanted
to make it up to you.
Yeah, it's OK.
No, no, Tom.
Check it out.
Found a good use for all those broken porcelain bird pieces.
Look at them!
Come here, little birdies.
- Look at them.
- Chippies!
Chip-chip.
Wow!
- It's great.
- They're beautiful.
This is all for you, buddy.
- Bulls-eye!
- Yeah!
Jefferton alive
Hi. I'm the Mayor,
and my door is always open for you!
Jefferton alive
My name is Tom Peters,
and I'm full of ideas.
Community spirit!
Hi. How are you?
Shopping!
Food!
Free to be, being free ♪
Jefferton alive
You're all wet, aren't you?
My babies.
Sweet chippies.
I'm gonna have
to sit you out in the sun.
I'm getting you
all wet, aren't I?
Ring-a-ding-ding.
- I'm Tom Peters.
- Hello, Tom.
I just wanted to drop by
and talk to you about my petition.
- OK. Great.
- Yeah.
I'm volunteering for a little group called Animal Action Now
and what we're trying to do is save the old bird sanctuary
that's next to the Bronzing Plant.
No, no.
You know, the City Council has offered to lease the land
for the next 20 years
if we can get 5,000 signatures.
No.
And as a courtesy, I thought
I'd leave the last signature for you.
Well, Tom. I wish I could help you here,
but I just don't want to.
Let me turn you on to something.
Welcome back to the beautiful world of porcelain birds.
I am Diane.
Look at this!
The amazing detail that goes into each and every one of these birds.
- This one is
- My lady finch.
She reminds me
of my daughter Misty, just
She's staying with her father right now,
and she prefers it, and
Wow!
What an investment!
This deal will only last tonight, so pick up
the phone, won't you, and reserve your
I'm getting a message from my producers.
They're saying there's only three left.
They are selling fast!
Misty, call Mommy if you can.
God, I love those birds!
I just don't know
what that has to do
Tom, you see,
it's like a triangle.
You know
how the stock market works?
This is what you do. You start
by ordering 300 of these porcelain birds.
- Right.
- Not a big deal.
Then you sign up 100 friends,
60 of your closest family members
enroll them
in a Porcelain Bird Starter Plan.
- OK.
- This way, I get one free bird
and you generate enough cash to buy that sanctuary.
I don't really have
that kind of money now.
Come on, guy.
Life is a risk.
Well, I guess I could put it on my Discovery Card.
Give itgive it to me.
Must be a bad magnetic strip.
Give it a second.
That's good. That's good.
No. No. It went through.
Tom Peters' phone.
Mr. Peter, this is Sandy from the National Porcelain Center
confirming your order today
for 300 birds.
OK. Is that how many I ordered?
Mr. Peter, I'm confirming that your total for today's purchase order will be
$67,856.
$37,000
..was placed
on your Discovery Card.
The remaining balance of
$35,000
..plus an overage charge of
$700
..was charged
to cardholder Joy Peter.
No, no. I'm not authorized to use that card.
Mr. Peter
Shut up, Steve. Shut up!
Thank you for joining
the National Porcelain Center!
So these birds will increase in value?
Mr. Peter, thank you again for your order.
Crickets!
All right, uh
Mr. Peters,
we're all looking forward
to seeing that petition.
Right. Well, the petition.
You know, we kind of took another approach there.
You know, what I did was
I bought a bunch of,
you know, porcelain birds
that willresell for
I'm sorry.
What did you say again?
- Triple, Tom.
- Triple.
I'm a little confused here.
Gentlemen, we all know
the bird sanctuary is in danger.
What my business partner
and I did was invest
in one of the most trusted and stable markets out there.
Porcelain birds.
With the profits we make
from this fail-safe investment
Jefferton will be able
to purchase the bird sanctuary
and own it forever and ever.
Amen.
Well, if you want to go that route
my first suggestion would be
to get these things professionally appraised.
Of course, and I know just the TV show to do it on.
We now return
to the Traveling Appraisal Show
How Much?
with Benjamin Kaplan.
Well, well, well,
what do we have here?
What a marvelous sparrow!
Really beautiful!
This looks mid-century.
Do you know where these
originally came from? The provenance?
You know,
I just ordered them.
You or-- They're new?
Is that good?
Let me ask you something.
How much
did you pay for these?
Let's see.
They were 39.99.
- The falcons were 49.99.
- The falcons are bigger.
I'm sorry to have to say this, but
you'd have to lock these up
for at least 100 years
before they would increase in value.
But the lady
on the phone said that
I'm not done.
There would also have to be
some sort of crazy Mad Max or Waterworld type situation
where porcelain becomes more valuable than gold.
Frankly, you'd actually have better luck
melting these down
and making a few toilets with them.
Now, Tom. Tom, Tom, Tom,
what was your guess?
$300,000?
Slimed!
Tom!
What did you do
with my Discovery Card?
They're telling me
the card is maxed out.
Don't panic. It's just
in a holding pattern right now, honey.
Holding pattern?
I can't even buy my son his snacks
because of you!
I've gotten into an investment opportunity with the Mayor, Joy. We're working it out.
I don't ever want you
using that card.
Effing idiot!
Ah, shoot.
Maybe this isn't the best time, but
I'm having some credit issues
right now, and
Just look at this place, Tom.
We just got to figure out another way to save this sanctuary.
Well, we could start the petition up again.
I'm thinking.
Ahh. Buh. Burnz. Bah. Ha.
Aha. Oh, burnz.
Burnz. Whoa.
Hello?
Tom, I think I got it.
So
You want to bronze
300 of these birds?
Well, you know, if you think they'll increase in value.
Yes, we do.
It's your money,
but before we do any bronzing
I'm required by law
to show you this instructional film.
Over here. Watch.
So you decided to bronze something.
Man has bronzed
his most precious monuments
for millions of years.
There are 3 steps to the bronzing process.
First, a customer chooses an object to be bronzed.
Second, the object is dipped into a molten vat of liquid bronze.
Finally, the bronze hardens
forming a mold around the object for years to come.
Fascinating!
Let's see here.
300 birds.
Double bronze coating.
That's gonna cost you.
All right, sir.
Here's the damage.
- Your card, please.
- No.
I'm sorry.
I'm completely maxed out here.
I guess we could offer him
the bird sanctuary.
Bird sanctuary?
What am I gonna do with that?
Well, I guess
I could use the land.
Actually, I have a problem with that. I just
- Excuse me.
- Go ahead, Tom.
I feel like, if we
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
Yeah, God bless you.
- Yeah, God bless you.
- Tom, are you all right?
Because if you have a problem,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
I really think that
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you. God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
We got a medical emergency at the Bronzing Plant.
We now return
to the Traveling Appraisal Show
How Much?
Well, considering
we had them bronzed
I'm gonna have to say
$800,000?
Slimed!
Oh, wow, Tom.
Jeez.
Well, what are you gonna do?
I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
Look at that.
I ruined the bird sanctuary and
the porcelain bird center says
I have to send all the birds back
because I can't pay off
the bill I have.
Tom, that's not too bad.
We'll just send them back, then.
I can't send them back!
They're all bronzed.
Shh, Buddy, come on.
They're gonna take my house, Mayor!
Joy says she's gonna sue me
if I don't pay off this bill.
Come on, buddy.
Let's go see that bronze man again.
Hey, honey, have you seen my keys?
Oh, no!
I bronzed them!
Not everything permanent needs to be permanent forever.
Unbronzing consists of a one-step process, know as
unbronzing.
First, the bronze coating is removed from the object.
OK. Let's unbronze them.
Billy crickets!
Tom, thanks for meeting me.
How you doing?
Pretty good, you know.
I'm staying with my friend Gibbons
for a while. Until things blow over.
Well, I really felt bad
about the way things happened
and I wanted
to make it up to you.
Yeah, it's OK.
No, no, Tom.
Check it out.
Found a good use for all those broken porcelain bird pieces.
Look at them!
Come here, little birdies.
- Look at them.
- Chippies!
Chip-chip.
Wow!
- It's great.
- They're beautiful.
This is all for you, buddy.
- Bulls-eye!
- Yeah!