Best Medicine (2026) s01e07 Episode Script

Elaine, you know when I said
to be here at eight,
I meant a.m. right?
I had to go
grocery shopping.
You couldn't have
done that after work?
Ooh, watch the tone,
because these are for you.
Why did you buy me groceries?
What did you do?
I didn't buy them.
I used your card.
I'm not an idiot.
Thank you for the Kit Kats.
And the grapefruit.
And the sushi.
Listen, um, you cannot
go out this weekend.
Why? Am I grounded?
Hey, doc, I need your help
with something real fast.
You know how much I love
and respect you.
- Does this look real?
- No, Mark! No, no.
The, no. Get out.
This, however, I like.
Dr. Reese always helped me.
Does he look like Dr. Reese?
A little around the eyes, yeah.
- Oh, hi, Sugarplum.
- Hey, mom.
Here's your lab coat.
Sorry about the odor.
By the end Dr. Reese did have
a distinctive tang to him.
Um, he's not gonna do
any of this.
What lunatic event
is going on now?
I'm the Sacrificial School Girl.
You save me from the vampire.
- And we're done here.
- Okay.
It's actually a tradition, doc.
As a fundraiser for the school,
every year we celebrate
the first and worst novel
that Jeremy Gathercole
ever wrote.
- The horror novelist?
- Well, I call him Jer-Bear.
But that's a story
- for another day.
- Stop!
When he was 18, he scooped
ice cream in Port Wenn.
That's not all he scooped.
And set his first novel here.
It's really bad.
It's about a wedding
between this vampire,
Lord Grimshaw,
and this hottie, Eulalie.
Hmm. Thank you so much
for coming.
No, but it's really a trap
to lure in guests
so that the Mad Scientist
can kill everyone
and drain their blood.
Well, you're right
about one thing.
It does sound really bad.
No, it's fun!
We recreate the book in tableaus
in the school barn!
The main event's tomorrow night.
I'm in charge of makin'
all the blood.
Excuse me?
Whole weekend. Lots of blood.
What's the title of this book?
- "The Blood Factory."
- "The Blood Factory."
Huh. I see.
Don't worry, doc,
I'm gonna change your mind.
Mad Scientist?
Really good part.
Needs a very special person.
Ma. Breakfast?
Oui, oui, mon cherie!
- Ma.
- That's why the groceries.
That is why you can't
go out this weekend.
Well, I guess
I should thank you.
You already did.
Paper products
are really expensive.
Do you want me to buy you
toilet paper too?
Nah, I steal that from here.
Doc's office.
What?
Okay.
Uh, Liam hit his head
at the school,
- and they want you to come.
- At the school. Will there be--
Not yet.
It's early, you're okay.
He'll be there. Thank you!
I don't know.
Board games over here, Beth.
Operation! My favorite!
Uh, let's put the "Pin The Fangs
On The Vampire" up here.
What the heck is
going on in here?
Oh, hi, Sarah, we're having
a little "Blood Factory" party
for the wee ones.
Never too early to enjoy
a Port Wenn tradition.
I totally agree with ya.
So, what did you wanna
talk to me about?
Well, it's a little delicate,
so
I know you haven't renewed
your lobstering permit.
Yeah, I will, I will. I,
I just need a little more time.
I know,
but a little birdie told me
that the inspector's
coming next week.
Next week?
Do you think he'd actually
shut me down?
You know Bill. He's
He's a rule-follower.
Listen, Sarah. If you need me
to spot you a little--
No, no, no, no, no.
I'll get it myself!
I mean, at the,
after this weekend.
It's a big order,
you know, so
- Okay.
- Um
Anyway, I'm-I'm-I'm goin' out
right now,
so I'll be fine.
- Okay, great.
- Thanks, Frank.
Hey, Franklin, where do
you want me to put this?
Uh, Spaghetti and Eyeballs
in the kitchen, DJ!
- Charming.
- Oh
Doctor coming through!
Doctor coming through!
- Excuse me!
- Martin! Martin!
Martin, over here!
- What's your name?
- Liam.
Like, I wouldn't know
my own name?
So, no personality change.
Okay. He's not concussed.
Just a bump.
You'll be fine.
Just keep icing it.
You see, in "The Blood Factory"
there is this scene
where all the guests
are trapped in a room
and they're all drinking
poison.
And then they, uh,
they all start to
- Louisa? Louisa?
- Hm.
- Wait, Louisa
- Oh, my gosh.
Louisa?
Oh, um
Mm
What's your name?
- Louisa Gavin.
- Where are you?
- At school.
- And who am I?
Martin.
Have you been eating breakfast?
Have you been staying hydrated?
No.
There's just
There's too much to do.
- Easy.
- Are you guys gonna make out?
- Liam.
- Sorry!
It just looks like
you're gonna make out!
How long have you
had that cough?
Uh, a few days.
And have you fainted recently?
Uh, Monday. And Wednesday.
Twice this week?
And this is the third time?
- You need a full exam now.
- No, I don't have time.
This is not up for debate.
Can-can you stand?
- I'll help. Slowly.
- I really can't leave!
It's "The Blood Factory"
weekend!
I think you guys
should make out.
Liam!
Actually, get me out of here.
- Gladly.
- Yeah.
- Oh, God, oh!
- Make room, children.
Don't you guys have fainting
practice to get back to?
But they were so
gonna make out, right?
- Oh, for sure.
- Oh, totally.
This is so silly.
I'm a fainter.
I come from a family
of fainters.
My grandma would be
at the supermarket looking over
her coupons, and then just
And forget about it
when I'm under stress!
You fainted twice
and didn't tell me?
Louisa! We're roomies!
I was just saying
it's not a big deal!
Well, not a big deal?
Louisa, fainting could be a sign
of a catastrophe
of health problems,
a aortic dissection,
a-a heart valve disease,
you could have had a minor
stroke, or a brain tumor.
What if this had happened
while you were driving?
Okay, that's a little extra.
Yeah, get off the stage,
drama queen.
Oh. Oh.
I'm gonna need you
to unbutton, uh, this
yeah, so I can test for
arrhythmia, palpitations, so
Right. Right.
- Sure.
- What is that rash?
Oh. It,
it's just dry skin.
I get it when
the weather changes.
I need to moisturize.
Or with the coughing
and fatigue
it could be RSV
or Coccidioidomycosis.
- Here we go again.
- Elaine, we're gonna need
a urine sample,
and I'm gonna need to see
the rest of that rash. So,
you're gonna have to undress.
I have to, I have to
take off my clothes?
I mean
Elaine will get a gown
and, uh, she'll stay
in room during the the thing,
um, the exam.
Uh, on second thought.
You know, who has the time?
Lots to do. Gotta go.
- Go-gotta go.
- What?
Louisa, this will
just take a second!
So, kiddo how's it goin'?
How's what going?
You know it.
- What?
- Fine. Elaine.
- Dad.
- I mean, I'm just thinkin'.
I-i-it's "Blood Factory."
It's a big weekend.
You could ask her
to go with you.
Actually, I might be
in it this year.
Louisa asked if I would play
half the Doomed Couple, so
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
So who do you think
should play the other half?
Come on, kiddo,
you gotta get in the game.
I'm sorry,
but we're fully committed.
I can put you on a waiting list.
Sorry I'm late!
Had a good haul this morning.
- Yay!
- Sarah, do you really think
you should be workin' so hard?
I mean, you were just
in the hospital last week.
For heaven's sake, I knew it.
I have one little minor incident
and everybody treats me
like I'm an invalid.
Well, you can just
spare your breath!
With all the tourists comin' in,
and needin' all this lobster
for the Banquet of the Brains,
this is the best weekend
of the year for me!
Oh! The phone's been
ringing off the hook.
We're gonna sell out
for tomorrow night.
"The Blood Factory" is too,
I mean, I've never seen it
like this before, we're gonna
raise so much money this year!
Oh-ho, sounds like we're
gonna need some more lobster!
Uh, we are, but I'm wondering
where the calls are coming from?
I guess word just spread
how fun it is!
Gee, how much orange juice
can one person drink?
I know! I just can't get
enough of it
Mm-hmm.
Salty Breeze.
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
Greg.
Why did that man just ask me
when Jeremy Gathercole
will be at The Salty Breeze
tomorrow night?
- I have no idea.
- Huh.
It's possible
I may have mentioned
to the Bar Harbor Gazette
that Jeremy Gathercole
might be dining here
tomorrow night before going
to "The Blood Factory."
But is it true?
Depends on what you mean
by "true."
- So you lied.
- Depends on
what you mean by "lied."
- Not telling the truth.
- Yes. I lied.
- Greg!
- I just wanna put
Port Wenn on the map!
And make an extra buck.
Nothin' wrong with that.
I mean, it is good
for the school.
See? It's good for all of us.
Shady. What gonna happen when
they realize he's not coming?
You know how crazy
those horror fans are.
They're, they're insane.
They're lunatics.
No!
- You are a genius.
- That's the best one yet.
- Couple more, validate me!
- Oh, my God!
That's gonna be perfect.
Oh, I love you!
- I love you too, liar.
- Oh
Hi! It's
Louisa, leave a message.
Louisa.
Dr. Best calling.
I can't imagine why you chose
to run out like that.
But we do need to ascertain
the nature of the rash
running down your
frontal body area.
Call to reschedule at
your earliest convenience.
That's it.
Thank you for your time.
And goodbye. Dr. Best.
Elaine? We need
to reschedule Louisa.
Elaine, where the hell are you?
So, it's
your basic vampire chin,
but for extra pop,
put the pack in your mouth
- and then just bite down.
- Elaine, who are you talking to?
Thank you so much
for joining, Elainiacs
Sorry! You weren't supposed to
see this! I'm sorry! Sorry!
I'm filming a YouTube tutorial
on horror make-up!
Wait.
Guess what it's called.
Blood Work?
Darn you!
- Hey, doc. Wait, you okay?
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Listen, we gotta talk about
- Yeah.
this Mad Scientist thing, okay?
If you don't do it,
I have to ask Gilbert,
and to be honest,
he has a tendency to overact.
Huh.
That cough.
It's just like Louisa's.
And the rash too.
In my office now! Go!
Wait, doc?
Are you okay?
Can I come out now?
I left my fangs in my desk.
to be the Mad Scientist? wt
It's such a good part.
You get to fatally poison
the whole town.
Best not to give me any ideas.
You're hilarious.
So
- I've got some news.
- What?
Louisa wants us to play
The Doomed Couple
at "The Blood Factory" tomorrow.
You mean the couple
that Lord Grimshaw
captures to make Vampire babies?
Yeah.
The couple that spends all night
tied up together
in really bloody, sexy outfits?
Yeah. Pretty sexy.
The roles that Christopher
and Andrea Schlitz
can't play this year
'cause they're too busy
taking care of their twins
that they conceived
at last year's "Blood Factory?"
Yeah. Those.
Okay.
Cool.
- See ya at the library?
- Yeah, I'll be there in a bit.
Dork!
Your elbow's free, Mark,
give it a try sometime.
Yeah, but then
I would have this, like,
really disgusting elbow.
You and Louisa have
similar symptoms,
have you two been spending
a lot of time together?
Yes. Lots. In the barn together.
It's been really nice.
Oh. Really?
In the barn? Doing what?
- Workin' on "The Blood Factory."
- Oh. Right.
And this weekend, we're gonna
play the groom and his bride,
Lord Grimshaw and Lady Eulalie.
He's, like,
super in love with her,
while she's not in love
with him.
Yeah. That doesn't sound
like a bad idea at all.
Nah. We've been doin' it
for eight years.
You gotta respect
the tradition, you know?
Hmm. Cough, rash. Fatigue.
You have any have
any idea how old
the HVAC is in the barn?
Really old.
I mean, like,
when the heat kicks on,
it makes the whole place
smells like burnt popcorn.
Nobody can agree on
if that's a good or a bad thing.
It could be a mutant Legionella.
Oh, doc, c'mon!
I've been dying
to see that movie.
Don't we beat 'em
with the robots?
I need you to spit into this.
It's not an exorcism, Mark.
It's just spit.
Thank you.
It's yellowish. You could have
some kind of lung infection.
- I'll send it in for testing.
- Hm.
Elaine, I need to head back
to the school.
- Why?
- I need to check
- on the HVAC and Louisa.
- What?
I mean, everyone. Uh, we, we
need to check on everyone.
Uh, two people are showing signs
of possible Legionella,
or another airborne illness.
This is seeming a little
excessive, like, even for you.
It's just a precaution,
I mean, everyone in town's
gonna be there
tomorrow night, right?
Yeah, and even though
it's the day before,
- things can get pretty bloody.
- Fake blood.
I'll survive.
I know the difference.
C'mon. Hurry up.
Let's go, grab your things.
- Oh, oh.
- Hey, doc.
Doesn't really seem like
you know the difference.
Oh! Damn it!
Here. Wear this.
It was Dr. Reese's.
In case you have to
- Hurry up.
- Whoa!
Girl, you got me good!
Ooh! Not now! No!
No, no! Not now!
Not now!
And everyone heard
- What the
- Oh, there's Al.
Why? Have mercy on my soul!
Don't let it end like this!
No, it's so dark!
It's so cold!
- Oh, hey, hi, guys!
- Oh! What the hell?
That's "The Blood Factory"
by Jeremy Gathercole.
I thought you said that was
tomorrow night at the school!
It is, they read the book
the day beforehand
- to get everyone in the mood.
- And that's his book?
- Yeah.
- Well, it's terrible writing.
Well Gathercole wrote it
when he was in college.
His later stuff?
Much more nuanced.
Al, like, reads books.
It's-it's cool.
Can you also test for mold
in an old HVAC?
- Yeah.
- Good. Let's go.
Hey, it could be bad in there.
Please get Louisa out here. Al.
- Yeah.
- I-I need you to go inside
and check for any signs of mold
and standing water in the HVAC.
Okay. Got it. Yeah.
Can I help you,
World's Greatest MD?
- Yes. Um. Spit.
- What?
You and Mark are
both exhibiting symptoms
of an airborne illness,
I'm just ruling things out.
And you had to come all the way
here, now, to do this?
If you'd let me examine you
when you were in my office,
I wouldn't have to
be here, would I?
Fine!
- It's not yellow.
- See? I'm fine.
Sorry.
So itchy
- Right?
- W-w-wait! Let me see that!
Oh, my God,
you're being creepy again.
Three more rashes.
- And coughs.
- Th-th-there
There is water
pooling there, doc.
Okay! Everyone needs
to spit in cups! Now!
- Spit?
- Spit in that
- little ketchup cup.
- It's
It's not just
for ketchup, Liam,
it's for samples too!
Okay, rude.
Hey, Karla.
I need some ice.
Oh, that old bad back
acting up again?
Who you calling old?
Jeez.
Well, that's quite a view.
Look what crawled out
of the bait bucket,
Eddie McCroy as
I live and breathe.
Is he botherin' you, Sarah?
No, no, I can handle him.
But thanks.
So
- You got my message?
- Sure did.
Knew you couldn't stop
thinkin' about me.
Pump your brakes.
I got a big weekend. I need
some help with that catch.
Hm. I'll help.
Glad you realize you need me.
Need's a strong word.
This is a business deal.
I'll give you ten percent.
- Sixty.
- Twenty.
Nothin'. And you let me
take you out to dinner.
I wouldn't be caught dead
dining with a pecker!
It's Woodpecker,
and you know it.
Twenty percent.
That's my final offer.
Take it or
I'll find somebody else.
Fine it's a deal.
Hm.
Go Woodpeckers!
Give me that ice!
Sorry!
Sorry.
I'm getting time
and a half for this.
Half of these sputum samples
are yellowish.
Okay, that's it,
I'm shutting down
"The Blood Factory"
until we could determine
- it's not Legionella.
- What?
- You can't do that.
- Sorry. You heard me.
- I have no other choice.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Absolutely not!
Not, not this time.
Excuse me? You're going against
the doctor's orders?
We listened to you about
the Baked Bean Supper
and The Salty Breeze,
but not this.
I will not let you shut down
our biggest fundraiser
of the year over some hunch.
A hunch? Have you taken a look
at this leprosy colony here?
That's offensive
to the leprosy community.
Louisa, you fainted three times.
- That's very worrisome.
- To who? Not me.
Look at this face,
I'm not worried.
To me! As your doctor!
Well, you're not, y-y-you're not
my doctor anymore.
How about, how about that?
You're, you're fired.
What? That's incredibly
- What? What? No, it's not.
- Irresponsible.
I'll see someone in Bar Harbor.
You're not my doctor anymore
and we're not shutting down
"The Blood Factory"
until the tests come back!
That is medically reckless,
irresponsible,
and just childish!
Yeah, they should
definitely make out.
I'm getting an enemies-to-lovers
thing for sure.
What
Peter, what what do you
think you're doing?
We're, we're not even open yet.
- I know. But I need medicine.
- Oh!
But it's private. So I came
before anyone was here.
I see.
What seems to be the problem?
I hate "The Blood Factory"
weekend.
Everyone loves it so much,
but I think it's stupid
and not funny.
I agree 100 percent.
- You do?
- Yes.
- Do you wet your bed too?
- Excuse me?
Maybe not. Never mind.
I have to go.
Hey, Peter, come on, please sit.
Come on. Have a seat.
Tell me what happened.
I went to bed, hearing all
these stupid teenagers
screaming outside.
And when I woke up,
my bed was wet.
- Hm.
- Can you give me something
so that it won't happen tonight?
Peter, it's normal to be scared.
I don't like some scary stuff.
So what do you do?
Well, to be honest,
I try to avoid it.
But I don't think
that's the best idea either.
That's what I try to do.
But those teenagers are so loud.
They really are.
But what we could do,
and it's just an idea,
but we could use it as an
opportunity to be brave.
- Brave?
- Sure.
Admitting we're scared
and then facing it.
So you're not gonna give me
the medicine?
Not a chance in hell.
And you call yourself a doctor.
Everyone's a critic.
Be there in a sec.
I'm just putting
the final touches on my
Oh. It's you. We're closed.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, we are.
- The sign says--
- Closed.
No, it doesn't.
Come on, Sally.
Fine.
How can I help you?
May I have some
Vitamin C, please?
That'll be $9.99.
I just I-I feel
like I need some.
Like, like, I'm cravin' it.
Yeah, well, you do look
pretty bad.
Like the guilt is destroying
you from the inside out.
Maybe we could drop this now?
I mean, I-I-I'd just love
to not go through this
every time I want supplements.
Louisa, if you ever get
lucky enough
to experience the miracle
of creating life,
I think you'll understand
that there is no such thing
as dropping a grudge against
someone who harms your baby.
Oh, come on. He's a grown man.
- Is he?
- Mark and I are in
We're in a good place right now.
Are you? Mark is very forgiving.
And kind. And dependable.
And smarter than his grades
in school reflected.
Yeah, M-Mark is all of
those things!
- I mean, he's-he's the best!
- Exactly.
Do you actually think
you're gonna find
someone better for you
out there?
No! I mean, yes. I mean
I don't, I don't know, I
Never mind.
I guess I'll I guess I'll go
to Bar Harbor
for my sunscreen from now on!
And I was gonna save this
for couples counseling,
but you know what, Sally?
Your relationship with Mark
is overbearing
and, and a little weird!
You know she fired you, right?
Her symptoms are concerning,
patient or not.
Fainting three times a week
is not normal.
Yeah, you're not acting
so normal either.
Did the sputum tests come back?
You have to admit.
That is a creepy word.
Yes, it did.
It's not Legionnaires disease.
Wait. So what's wrong
with everyone?
I ask myself that every day,
but in this case I have no idea.
Hm.
I don't know exactly
when Mr. Gathercole will arrive.
Especially since
he's not coming.
But you're welcome
to park your van here.
My partner and I are
well-versed with the media.
We're both from New York.
Text when you're close.
Ciao. Ciao.
He might come!
I left messages for his manager,
agent, and publicist.
- Did they call back?
- Not yet.
- Greg.
- What?
- It's called manifesting!
- It's called lying.
And you and I both know
Jeremy Gathercole is not coming.
Now I need you to be the good
upstanding, righteous man
I know you are,
and tell everyone the truth.
Talk to the hand.
You are so unwell.
- Hey, Sal.
- Hi, doll!
Do you have the red sauce
for my costume?
Yes. Right here.
How's it fitting?
Like it was poured over me.
- Should I call him?
- Who?
Jer-Bear. Gathercole.
You know Jeremy Gathercole?
Who do you think
scooped ice cream
next to him for three months?
Three months?
Like, 40 years ago?
Let's just say, it got very hot
in that deep freeze.
He'll answer my calls.
- Toodles!
- It's tonight!
She's not going
to save you, honey.
That woman lives on
her own little biscuit.
Hey, ready to practice
Lord Grimshaw and Lady Eulalie?
Oh, yeah, sure.
- Hey. You look grey.
- Really?
I-I am feeling
a little nauseous.
Wait, your rash
has gotten a lot worse.
Really? Because I am itching
like a mad man.
Yeah, you really should
get that checked out.
You remember the first time
we did this?
And the coffin got stuck?
That was the first time
that we ever
Never mind.
Hey, I'm glad that
we decided to do this.
Put aside our history
for the sake
of Lord Grimshaw
and Lady Eulalie.
We're kind of a institution
if you think
Whoa! So, uh, you went
ahead and put on
Oh, well, yeah,
I-I just wanted to
make sure it doesn't
fall off when we do
No, yeah! Sure! Absolutely!
I was just I wasn't
expecting it,
but it's cool,
I'm totally having absolutely
no problem with it whatsoever
What's wrong with you,
why are you crying?
I don't know.
I'm just feeling so emotional.
Of course you're feeling
emotional!
Because like a month
and a half ago,
we were about to be bride and
Because
- I know
- This is so weird!
I know, I-I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to say no
- I didn't
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- You know
- What? What, what is
What is, what is happen
happ-happening to me?
Oh, God. Um Oh, God.
Oh, God.
What is happening to you?
- Don't know.
- I'm gonna call Dr. Best. Okay?
Please call Dr. Best.
Hi!
I, I think something really bad
is happening to Mark!
Louisa, are you okay?
No. I'm fine! It's-it's Mark!
That looks like a severe
allergic reaction!
That's what I thought!
Louisa, what?
Mark, have you been around
- anything unusual lately?
- Nope.
Aren't you in charge
of mixing the-the blood?
- Yep.
- W-what's in it?
Uh, red dye, corn syrup
and cocoa powder.
That's my secret
to gloopiness.
Which dye do you use?
Um, number 40. It was on sale.
Yes, because it's been recalled!
People were getting
allergic reactions to it.
Th-that's what
people's symptoms are!
S-so, so, it's not
Legionnaires'!
No, E-Elaine!
Call an ambulance, tell them
to pick Mark up at the school,
he's having allergic reaction
to red dye number 40.
- Got it!
- Mark, I need you
to go outside and
wait for the ambulance
and make sure someone
waits with you.
No, okay, doc,
but actually I'm more worried
about Louisa,
she's acting super weird.
And she looks like
an Etch A Sketch.
Okay, tell me what you mean,
but like a grownup.
Like super grey.
No, no, no. I'm fine.
Everything's fine.
Okay, I-I-I'm a little nauseous.
Yeah.
- Mark! Go!
- Yeah. Okay.
Louisa, have you been anywhere
near the red dye 40?
- No. So, everything's fine!
- Look, uh, Louisa, look.
I-I know I'm not your doctor,
but h-have you,
have you missed any periods?
Thank you for your help.
I'll see ya.
No, I won't 'cause you're not
my doctor anymore.
But thanks for your help.
Louisa!
Ah, ah!
Oh, my God,
what happened to you?
Nothin'!
I don't know what you're
talking about? I'm fine.
You're walking around
like a, like a--
Perfectly healthy woman
with a lot of lobsters to sell.
Got it, so like last time
this happened,
and we still had to take you
square dancing.
Yeah, it wasn't fun
for any of us.
Okay, I gotta go.
I'll text you the price,
pay me tonight.
Ooh!
Yeah, so
You really are a scaredy cat.
No, I just wasn't expecting you.
- What are you doing?
- What do you think I'm doing?
You're not going to
"The Blood Factory," are you?
No, that's for high schoolers.
I am going to the one
for kids at Legion Hall.
Good for you.
I'm being brave. Like you said.
You actually listened
to what I said?
Yeah, sometimes you just
have to force yourself
to do things you don't wanna do.
It's not as hard as I thought.
Get out of my house.
Louisa's pregnant?
- You shouldn't have seen that!
- Well, does she know?
I guess it would be Mark's.
It's only been
what, a month and a half, so
That's a curve ball.
It's just symptoms. Okay?
We really shouldn't be
talking about this.
Well, what's the fun in that?
And what is wrong with you?
I threw my back out.
I need a cortisone shot.
- So, how do you feel about it?
- I feel great.
I'm gonna enjoy being
a pain in your ass for once.
I mean, about Louisa
being pregnant.
What, what do you mean
how do I feel about that?
I don't feel anything
about that.
Why would I feel
something about that?
Because you've been
mooning over her
ever since the first day
you got here!
Oh, uh, wha
Excuse Mooning?
Did you say moo
No, I have not!
- I have not!
- Okay.
But in case you're interested,
I think you might
actually have a shot.
What?
- Really?
- Never seen her smile
at anybody else like that.
Of course, if she's pregnant,
then, well, that just kinda
puts everything in the blender,
doesn't it?
But it might explain
her cravings.
- What cravings?
- Orange juice.
- Orange juice?
- Well, she says she can't drink
- enough of it.
- Vitamin C cravings, grey skin,
fatigue, nausea, the emotions
Oh, she-she might
not be pregnant.
She could have hemochromatosis!
I wish you could see the relief
in your face right now.
And now you don't have
to pull her out
- of "The Blood Factory."
- What do you mean?
Well, she has to eat
lobster all night.
And pregnant ladies
can't do that, can they?
Or is that oysters,
I can't remember.
Anyways, so she's okay
No, no, no, no. Wait, wait.
What? Lobsters, oysters?
I-if that's not handled right,
she could get an infection
that could kill her,
I have to tell her right now.
That's just the kids
getting in the spirit
of "The Blood Factory."
- Huh.
- You can still catch her.
They haven't started yet.
What are you waiting for?
Life? Death? Louisa?
Here's your cut.
Count it.
Well, it's like I said before,
I don't need this.
- Just dinner.
- Save your breath.
That wasn't a no.
See you around
Eddie McCroy.
Yes!
Hi. I'm Greg Garrison!
Former analyst at Credit Suisse,
Prudential, and JP Morgan Chase.
That's not on.
Where's Jeremy Gathercole?
Here or The Salty Wind?
Breeze. The Salty Breeze.
The Salty Breeze!
Located at ten Main Street.
Voted Best Lobster Roll
in the Northeast Maine.
We also dabble in real estate.
If anyone's looking
for a little weekend getaway
Still not on.
Where's Gathercole?
- Yes! Where is Gathercole, Greg?
- His plane was a bit late
He better get here soon.
We only have an hour.
He is coming though, right?
We drove all night
from Cleveland!
Oh, I'm sure he'll be
here any minute!
Hey, hey, can you,
can you do me a favor
and please go in and get Louisa?
You crazy?
I've been waiting years
to play the Mad Scientist!
Welcome to "The Bloody Factory!"
Enter, if you dare,
where you will experience blood,
matrimony, and horror!
Gilbert, please!
She could be very ill!
- What?
- She could die!
She will die!
She's the Doomed Bride!
Oh, God!
It's like living in a town
of five-year-olds! Really!
Hey! No cutsies!
Okay, I'm here.
Reporting for
"Blood Factory" duty!
I wish Mark had given me
a little more notice, but, uh
Hey. Just stand there,
when they enter,
you'll say the thing about me
being your bride forever,
we'll eat some
Banquet of Brains,
then you'll pretend
to bite my neck,
and we reset for the next group.
Oh, is this fresh lobster
for free?
- Oh!
- Mmm. Wow.
- My kinda "Blood Factory!"
- Nope.
We need that for the show.
Louisa! Where's Louisa?
Miss Gavin! Where is she?
Oh, my God, that's stupid.
Louisa!
They're draining my blood!
Come on.
That's not even realistic.
That is somewhat realistic.
Louisa!
Okay. Hm. Is that okay?
Yeah.
Didn't know
you were so strong.
Yeah,
I carry a lot of toilets.
Oh.
- Um, Al?
- Yeah.
Listen. Nothing has changed.
You know, I still need
to get out of Port Wenn.
Yeah, I know.
No, I just mean, like, nobody
can tie me down.
- Hm.
- Or up.
Hm. Okay.
I mean, I-I have big dreams.
You know, I have lots of plans.
Yeah. Uh You-you told me.
- And I get it.
- Yeah.
It's, like, just so
that you know
- I know.
- that has not changed.
- Right.
- And it never will.
Yeah, I-I-I think I get it,
I think I'm a little confused
on what we're--
For only The Banquet of Brains
can bind me to
the Lord Grimshaw, forever.
Eat of the Banquet of Brains,
Eulalie,
and be thou mine forever.
Wow. Louisa. This is
her best performance yet.
But I miss Sheriff Mark.
- Doug sucks.
- I can hear you.
Sorry, Mark was just
more into it!
- I'm into it!
- You know what?
Doug. It's okay.
Let's just reset.
Not impressed, Isabel!
And it looks like
you're having an allergic
reaction to the fake blood.
Oh, my gosh. I am.
- They're draining my blood!
- Not this again.
Just get out of my way!
Louisa!
Elaine?
Doc? What are you doing in here?
Uh, Louisa! She-she-she's sick!
Where is she?
Oh, she's in
the Vampire Bedroom,
but to get there, you have
to go through the Blood Lab!
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Uh Doc?
- Oho!
It's just corn syrup,
red dye, cocoa powder
for gloopiness.
Louisa!
Eat of the Banquet of Brains,
Eulalie,
- and be thou mine forever.
- Oh, God!
Something's really
wrong with me.
- I've to go.
- You cannot go.
You are mine forever!
Someone help me. Anyone?
Help me! Help the sacrificial
school girl!
I need to find Louisa,
it's-it's important!
You must eat more
Banquet of Brains, Eulalie!
- Hey! Stop it! Stop it!
- More!
- Get away from her! Go!
- What? Martin!
Martin, what are you,
what are you doing here?
I had to come save you
from the shellfish!
- H-how much have you eaten?
- What?
- How much have you eaten?
- Uh, two bowls.
Two bowls!
No, I-I have
to get you out of here.
Loui-Louisa. Louisa! Oh!
Cast these slimy hands
off my immortal--
- Dude!
- Oh.
You okay?
Oh!
I don't know.
Just didn't feel believable.
You were so awesome!
Like Indiana Jones,
when he jumps in the snake pit,
even though he is afraid
of snakes!
Martin! How are you?
Answer me. Answer me.
Wait! Louisa
Oh, she's right over here.
She's right here.
No, Martin.
- Doc!
- Martin!
- Louisa.
- Martin? What-what happened?
- Why-why did you come--
- Uh, I wanted to tell you
What?
I think you have
hemochromatosis.
- What?
- It's a blood disorder.
And that's what caused
the fainting,
fatigue, rash, coughing,
grey skin,
even the craving for Vitamin C.
I was worried that
the shellfish might kill you.
And-and you came all the way
down here to tell me that?
- Uh, Louisa.
- Yeah?
I wanna
be your doctor.
Okay!
Yes, Martin, yes!
You can be my doctor!
Louisa Gavin.
She has hemochromatosis.
She needs Doxy and ceph.
I'll call ahead to the E.R.
I'm her P.C.P.
I take care of her.
- Yeah, I'm her doc.
- That's my doctor!
- I'm her doctor.
- Bye-bye, doctor.
Take care of her!
What?
Yep. You two are in love.
Will you take care
of these three nitwits?
Yeah, uh, they need cortisone
cream. All of them.
Hey, you!
Is Gathercole comin' or not?
Uh, his plane was late.
Not sure of his timing,
uh, and I did say that, uh--
W-what did you say, Greg?
All right. Fine.
I'm sorry.
It's time I told you the truth.
Oh, my gosh!
Jer-Bear! You're here!
- Oh!
- Holy crap!
It's Jeremy Gathercole!
Hello, Sally.
I've been waiting
for your call for 40 years.
Sign my book!
Sign mine! It's my dad's!
Don't look at me like that,
Jer-Bear.
I feel like a piece of meat.
Did you hurt your neck, sweetheart?
- It's a long story
- I see.
I have too much iron
in my blood?
What does that mean exactly?
It's a mutation in the HFE gene.
But it can lead to
an excessive accumulation
in your organs,
which is dangerous.
You're gonna need to come here
for bloodlettings
every week to lower
your iron levels.
Bloodlettings?
That sounds medieval.
Well, at least
I don't use leeches.
Hm.
Just takes 30 minutes,
that's all.
So, I sit here once a week
and you take my blood.
Exactly?
- How's 4:30 on Monday?
- Fine.
All right, sounds like a date!
- I need to get to school.
- Yeah.
I have something to do as well.
Next patient.