Extreme Ghostbusters (1997) s01e07 Episode Script

1
[Eduardo] Oh, man.
When are these ghoulies gonna get tired
and just go home?
[Kylie] Oh, man, when are you
gonna get tired of whining?
[Eduardo] What, you like
risking your neck every day
fighting slime-spewing,
mortality-challenged spooks?
[Kylie] No, but if we don't
protect the planet, who will?
-[Eduardo] Um, Superman.
-[Kylie] Hello? Earth to Eduardo.
Superman is a cartoon character.
-[Eduardo] Yeah, I-- I knew that.
-[Kylie] Uh-huh. Whatever.
[eerie music playing]
[man breathing erratically]
[man snores, then mutters indistinctly]
Celestial clockwork.
Music of the Spheres.
[laughing demonically]
Of course.
[soft, pensive music playing]
[gasps] Eureka!
[laughing demonically]
No, no, no!
[theme music playing]
If there's something strange
In your neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
If there's something weird
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
That's right ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
If you're seeing things
Running through your head ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
You know
Busting makes me feel good ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
Whoo-oh! ♪
[calm music playing]
Antonio Garibaldi was
a 17th-century Italian scientist
whose inventions include
the Filbert Press,
the Skidmore, and the Clopstock.
In 1697, he was imprisoned for heresy.
Cool.
Oh, Mommy, can I have one, please?
Maybe for your birthday,
if you're good.
[ominous music playing]
[growling quietly]
[lighthearted music playing]
Hey.
Twenty-one, zip. Game.
What?
I thought we weren't keeping score.
I'm always keeping score.
Yo, Nightcrawler.
How about a hand of gin?
[scoffs] These aren't playing cards.
They're tarot cards.
Besides, I kicked your butt
at gin last week.
Ooh. The tarot.
Can you read my future,
oh, mystic one?
Sure. According to this,
your ability to annoy me is growing.
Gee, sorry.
Didn't mean to dis your weirdo trip.
My interest is purely academic.
The tarot is an ancient science of signs
with astronomical, mathematical
and psychological significance.
Oh, yeah?
What's, mm, this one mean, right there?
-Tell me.
-[Kylie] The Tower card.
It represents the danger
of building on a false foundation,
whether it's personal ambition
or bad science.
For instance, the Tower of Babel,
which collapsed under its own weight.
Or the Titanic,
which sank on its maiden voyage.
Or the atomic bomb,
which could destroy civilization
as we know it.
Okay.
I'm gonna sit over there now.
[crashing nearby]
Aw, this is getting ridiculous.
[power blade screeching]
[Egon] What is that infernal racket?
It sounds like
someone's tearing the building down.
It's Roland.
He saw a documentary
on that sculptor dude, what's-his-face.
Brancusi.
Anyway, I think it inspired our Roland
to try some artistic sculpturing
of his own.
Artistic? Roland?
I built it out of a bunch of old stuff
we had lying around.
Impressive, yes?
Impressive, no.
[clanks]
What is it?
Clearly influenced by the early Duchamp.
With the anti-Bauhaus/Gestalt.
Huh? It's a trash compactor.
Check it out.
That figures.
Even Roland's trash is square.
Give me that.
I'd like to see you guys
make something out of nothing.
[Garrett] Hey, take a pill, Roll.
We thought you were trying to, you know,
make a piece of art or something.
You want art? I'll give you art.
Here, look at this.
What do you think of that?
Come on, oh, art critics.
Wow. Now, this is interesting.
Dynamic. It moves me.
Yeah. Very Jackson Pollock-y.
A lot better than that can masher.
It's a rag.
I wipe my hands on it.
-Get out of here.
-No, you get out of here.
-Whoops.
Roland
[eerie music playing]
You. Boy.
What?
Speak.
What manner of machine
is this I have inhabited?
Cool. Just like in that movie.
Hit the dirt, Robobot.
[mimics motor revving]
Incoming. Stay low!
[mimics motor revving]
What? I'm useless.
You're not the real Robobot.
You're a toy.
Your lasers don't really work,
and you can't really fly.
I am Luko.
Build me a machine suitable
to host my awesome powers.
Mom!
[Garrett] This better be good.
I was in the middle of a dream
about Christie Brinkley.
Huh? I was dreaming
about Christy Turlington.
Rawr.
Shut up.
Christian Slater.
-How about you, Roland?
-Gee, I don't know.
Do square people with square lives
and square trash even have dreams?
Whoa. What was that all about?
Wait a minute.
Are you still ticked off
about that stupid thing you made?
Then it hit me. [sobs]
It's okay now.
The Ghostbusters are here.
It was probably just a bad dream.
This was no bad dream.
The meter's jumping off the scale.
You ever seen that movie Child's Play?
Here, Chucky.
Here, Chucky.
Knock it off, pinhead.
I'm not even up for you.
[tense music playing]
[Garrett] It's got me! [groans]
Way to go.
You just french-fried Mr. Potato Head.
So not funny, Rollerboy.
-[Luko roars]
-[both] There it is!
-Wait, don't shoot! Don't shoot me!
-Don't shoot me!
Aw, crud.
[dramatic music playing]
-Fall in, guys.
-We've got a runner.
[Garrett] End of the line, Robobot.
Huh. So much for trapping it.
Nothing left.
-[device beeping]
-Not quite.
I got a big reading
coming from somewhere.
-Look out!
-Out of the way!
[growls]
Okay. So it went
from machine to machine.
What was it? Mecha-ghost?
Robo-spook? Techno-specter?
Whatever it was, its warranty
is extremely expired. [chuckles]
Nix that. It's still here.
Yeah, right. Where?
What the heck kind of machinery
is there in an empty alley?
[horn blares]
-[horn blares]
-[yelling]
Garrett!
[dramatic music playing]
[music stops]
-Garrett?
-You okay, man?
[coughing]
Yeah, I'm peachy.
I think I got it.
[dramatic music playing]
[yells]
[gasps] Close.
Phew. [gasps]
[all yelling]
[music stops]
What was that?
That, mi compadre,
is us not trapping it yet.
[Kylie] I wish I knew
where we were going.
[yelps, then gasps]
Everyone anchor!
-Vacate.
-Fifth floor, housewares.
[Kylie] Keep your eyes open, guys.
[Roland] Look out!
[mutters]
-[screams]
-No!
[yells]
Uh, guys? A little help here?
Hey. What are you doing up there?
[yells]
Not now, Garr.
Not now? What's happening?
Hey, did you get it or not?
Don't hound me, man.
We almost bought it up here.
Ky and Roll have no blasters left.
Get down out of there!
[over radio] /'s in the crane!
Look, if it shows up on our PKEs,
then it's an energy force.
And even though an energy force
can be changed or altered,
it can't just be destroyed.
It can't just be gone.
Sure, it can, toots.
It's called being blasted into oblivion.
I never thought I'd say this,
but I think Eduardo's right.
There's not even residual traces.
Count that ghost as busted.
Head them out, team.
[laughing demonically]
[eerie music playing]
[grunting]
Oh, no.
Celestial clockwork.
Music of the Spheres.
[laughing demonically]
[creature shrieks]
Yes! I win.
Hey, I thought
we were just playing for fun.
I'm having fun.
[scoffs] I Ching, huh?
I suppose this is really
a book of economics.
That's "I Ching.
And as a matter of fact,
computer programs based on
the numerological system of the I Ching
are widely used
in stock-market commodities trading.
No way. So, what does this say?
Hmm. Bad news.
What a surprise.
-[Egon] Roland?
-Yes?
I think there's something wrong with this.
It might have given you a false reading.
I want you to run some tests.
I can't. I must finish my machine.
This is important, Roland.
So is my machine.
I am harnessing
the Music of the Spheres.
The Music of the Spheres?
The guy's gone loco.
Hey, what do you think you're doing?
I was using that.
-[Egon] What's gotten into you, Roland?
-I need it for my machine.
What, so you can crush it into a cube?
Come on, guys, leave him alone.
He's probably just trying
to make something to impress us.
We were pretty hard on him
the other day.
It wouldn't hurt
to be a title supportive.
-Okay, okay.
-[Egon] Very well.
[scoffs] Yeah, right.
Eduardo, I want you
to take me out to the site
to retrace your steps from last night.
I wanna know
where this thing you fought came from.
Who cares where it came from?
It's toast. History.
Fine, fine.
Don't trust us.
Gotta double-check everything.
Mr. Meticulous.
[mysterious music playing]
[inaudible dialogue]
[Egon] Principia Mathematical
by Antonio Garibaldi.
Great. Now I gotta wait while you break
some bizarro ancient code?
It's Latin.
At the end of his life,
Garibaldi became obsessed
with reproducing the mathematical order
of the universe.
The Music of the Spheres.
The Music of the Spheres?
Dude's as loco as Roland.
Yes, exactly.
"One night, he was visited by an angel
who inspired him
to build the perfect machine.
But when the machine came to life
and attacked him,
he realized he'd been tricked
into unleashing the demon Luko.
Garibaldi promptly destroyed
his creation,
hoping to trap the demon forever
inside what he had named
the Infernal Machine."
Luko?
That kid in the Suzanne Vega song?
"Luko was an ancient demon
who wanted to punish mankind
for reaching too far to the stars
by destroying him
with his own technology."
I hate to break this to you, Egon,
but last night,
Luko became an ancient dead demon.
End of story.
Maybe not.
[Kylie] Oh, this is incredible, Roland.
[majestic music playing]
I never expected anything like this.
Roland, you're a genius.
What inspired you to make it?
I don't know.
The inspiration just came
to me last night.
Does it do anything?
Check it out.
I call it the Infernal Machine.
[both] Roland, no!
[ominous music playing]
[yells]
[Luko laughing demonically]
[yells]
[all yell]
What the heck?
It's not supposed to do this.
Where's the engine?
I, uh, used it in the machine.
You what?
I was gonna put it back.
[driver] Hey!
Sir, I'm afraid
we have to commandeer this vehicle
in order to neutralize a perambulating
techno-symbiotic specter.
Who do you think you are?
[Eduardo] We're scientists.
That thing is serious.
This is all my fault.
It wasn't you. It was Luko.
An ancient demon
bent on destroying man
through his own devices.
Yeah, a device that I created.
Actually, Luko implanted
all the information in your head.
You didn't come up with it at all.
That's good.
It should be right around here.
[all yell]
Everybody out now!
Roland, I assume
you installed the CPU chip
to control
the machine's central computer.
-Of course.
-Where is it?
It's in the gray panel, on the right.
Okay, everybody, on the count of three,
blast the gray panel on the right.
One, two, three.
[machine whirring]
[all yell]
What happened?
-We don't have any cartridges.
-Where'd they go?
1, uh, used them in the machine.
And, what,
you were gonna put them back?
[laughs demonically]
Roland, how did you
configure those cartridges?
In an ionic transference circuit,
for more power.
Once the cartridges are depleted,
they'll extract new ions directly
from the machine's
electromagnetic domain,
greatly increasing the certainty
of a transmodal meltdown
of disastrous, nay, biblical proportions.
Se habla inglés?
It's gonna blow up real good.
I can't believe No weapons?
Man, I used everything.
Even the ghost traps?
Yeah.
-Roland!
-He knows what he's doing.
[dramatic music playing]
[gasps]
-[groans]
-You cannot stop my final function.
Function this!
[groans]
[screaming]
[yells]
Gotcha.
Impressive, yes.
[theme music playing]