Franklin and Bash (2011) s01e07 Episode Script
Franklin vs. Bash
Whoo! Fallin' in love with that bod.
Eyes above the waist.
Come on, now.
We are intelligent human beings.
Where you goin', gorgeous? Amber North, Simone Winters -- erotic aerobic instructors.
Oh, hello.
Owners of Rock & Pole.
That's catchy.
We didn't rob those Brentwood bitches.
L.
A.
P.
D.
said they found a $50,000 ring in your workout bag after you taught an in-home pole-dancing class, uhAmber? I'm Amber.
She's Simone.
I don't know how that stupid ring got in our bag.
And we didn't take that lady's necklace.
Someone's messing with us.
We're here to get you off.
Ooh, what a mixture such a vivid picture ooh, what a mixture if I must say so myself That lynx tracked my scent across the entire North Ridge of the Peters Glacier.
Now, luckily, she only got a piece of my flesh and not my determination to summit Denali.
It's amazing, Mr.
Infeld.
Hey, you know, I should climb Denali next.
That's a good -- oh, Hanna, uh, Damien! I'd like you to meet our new client.
This is Alex Carlisle.
Alex rode his bicycle all the way up here from Orange County.
Last time I checked, Stanton, we don't do curfew violations.
Actually, I want to be the youngest kayaker to solo the Amazon.
But my dad won't let me.
He's being sponsored by the founder of Outdoor Apparel, but his father has placed a preliminary injunction to stop him from going.
-How old are you, Alex? -I'm 13.
Oh, this is not your ordinary teenager, Hanna, no.
I.
Q.
173.
Master Falcon Scout at 9.
And there isn't a river I can't kayak blindfolded.
Cool.
Um, it's a suicide mission.
We might as well ask the judge's permission to let him jump his Schwinn across the Grand Canyon.
What if somebody told Alexander the Great that he was too young to rule a kingdom, or a young Kobayashi that he couldn't eat 60 hot dogs? No! Great achievements involve great risk.
Well, we Welcome the challenge.
Alex is very inspiring.
Thanks for your support.
It's an honor to meet a boy as brave as you.
You're very kind, but it's been a while since I was a boy.
Ladies.
-Hello.
Made it to the high-rise but still working out of the basement.
All right, let's blast the roof off this joint.
Eddie and Hagar? Hagar sells Tequila now.
-) Noted.
Retro Roth? -Mm.
Judge Douglas, the D.
A.
would have you believe that our clients are merely two women with drop-dead legs who dance the night away for a living.
These beautiful girls are successful entrepreneurs who built their Rock & Pole business from the ground up.
Your Honor, they're using Van Halen song titles as a defense.
You really got me.
Don't push your luck, gentlemen.
Your Honor, we'd like to enter a plea of "Not guilty.
" And respectfully request our clients' release on their own recognizance, pending trial.
Your Honor, Ms.
North and Ms.
Winters stand accused of stealing $350,000 worth of jewelry after drugging their victims during a glorified sex show.
Drugging those housewives? We would never do that.
The state requests bail be set at $100,000.
That's ridiculous, Your Honor.
They have no prior records.
And their 6-inch stilettos make flight risk nearly impossible.
The defendants are hereby released on their own recognizance.
-Yes.
-There you go.
Next case, Miss Ross.
What is this dealing with? I don't know.
Dirty twirlers has been on our vision board since law school! You know, Amber is a former Clippers cheerleader.
I recognize those moves.
Oh, man! It's like catching a mermaid in the same net! So, about an hour after this footage was shot, the guests passed out from laced margaritas, woke up cleaned out.
What does the toxicology report say about the drugs? Uh, hycobine.
French Vicodin.
Very rare.
Sounds naughtier than regular Vicodin.
Amber and Simone never even heard of it.
They said they taught the class, things got crazy, so they bolted.
How'd the cops find the engagement ring in their bag? The police searched their apartment the next morning when Amber wasn't there.
Simone claims that they shared the bag.
Amber wasn't there, but it's her apartment.
Simone didn't have the authority to let the police in.
Illegal search & seizure.
Get that ring tossed out, and Janie's case falls apart.
Boom.
Come in! Where's Pindar? Hey! Our favorite defendants.
-What is with the sad faces? -Oh.
Tell them what you told me this afternoon in the steam room.
Three years ago, I worked for a club in Arizona.
You know, the other kind of dancing.
There's no shame in being versatile.
She robbed the club's safe, spent 30 days in jail.
The manager screwed me out of my tips.
I only took what was owed me.
This totally sucks.
Yeah, coming from money doesn't make you an angel.
We work the same pole.
My douchebag lawyer sold me out in court.
It happened so fast, they, uh -- they booked me under my stage name -- "Sherry Pie.
" Nobody ever knew.
Well, one thing's for sure -- if Janie had this info, she would've rubbed it in our faces by now.
Yeah.
We worked so hard to finally go legit.
Now we're right back where everyone expects us to be.
Hey, listen, it's gonna be fine.
Okay, by the time we're done, every milfy housewife and cougar's gonna be lining up around the block to take lessons from you again, okay? Single for a smile? -Hey.
-What? -A five.
Huh? Huh? -Hmm? I've read your motion to have the ring deemed inadmissible.
I've decided to deny it.
Approach, Your Honor? Your Honor, this is a textbook As you two should know, the defendants cohabited at the time of the arrest, implying a commonality of privileges.
So, denied.
Can you at least nod like we're saying something smart? Go away.
Your Honor, some new evidence came in to our office this morning -- fingerprints on an upstairs bedroom door matching Simone Winters, the same bedroom door containing the stolen necklace.
You bitch! That's what you were doing upstairs? I went upstairs to look for the bathroom.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa.
Defrost.
Like when I caught you in my Louboutins? Ladies, this is not the place.
Deep breaths.
Happy thoughts.
I borrowed those.
Okay, quiet contest, starting now! I am not going to prison for her.
You are making this way too easy.
Squabbling clients.
You know, you try to rescue two drowning swimmers at once, you go down with them.
You have to let one go.
But what if they're both innocent? See, there is another way.
We could put up a Chinese wall.
Ahh, yes, the Great Wall of China itself -- choose a side and stick to it.
We split up the women between us.
And the firm keeps the case.
Don't be fooled, boys.
I've seen many partnerships destroyed by the divisive nature of the wall.
Ah.
Our friendship's survived a lot worse than not working together.
Yeah, we didn't talk the entire summer Peter was at Jazz Camp.
-Rock camp.
-With clarinets.
Your responsibility will be to your clients, not each other.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Trying the same case alone.
You could be disbarred.
Our lips are sealed.
All right.
You have my blessing.
Franklin versus Bash it is.
Hm.
The jury would look unfavorably on new counsel.
So, to keep everyone happy, Jared and I have decided to represent each of you individually.
Separate lawyers, same courtroom.
Everything's like it was, except you can't discuss the details of the case with each other.
By the way, you're doing a terrific job so far.
How are we supposed to pick between you guys? Ah.
Well, to avoid the awkwardness of upsetting Jared, we've chosen for you.
Amber, you're with me.
Simone, dibs on Jared.
So not cool if Amber gets the better lawyer.
Which one of you is smarter? -We're both equally -- -I am.
Ask Peter who got 179 on his LSAT.
Same guy who cried when he lost his last trial.
Ask Jared who won the appeal for him.
Pindar's agrees with me.
Pindar! No, Pindar's with me, homey.
Karaoke brothers for life.
I'm sorry.
I'm working on Karp's Amazon River case.
Did you know the Candiru fish can swim up your urethra and live in your penis for weeks? Oh, uh, Infeld's got me trailing a Jamaican guy who stole his identity, so you guys are on your own.
Our goal is to show the judge that, despite your age, you're competent enough to paddle down the Amazon.
Which means we may have to put you on the stand.
I have to warn you, some of opposing counsel's questions won't be very friendly.
Mr.
Karp, I'll be paddling down 2,000 miles of class-five rapids in a kayak.
With swimming in the water, flying in the air, and crawling on the shore can kill me in a matter of seconds.
I'll be fine.
All right, then.
Good to hear.
Can I ask you two a question? Sure.
Do either of you have kids? No.
Do you want them? -Maybe.
-Sure.
Hm.
Alex, I'll be in the car.
Okay, Dad.
I'll be a minute.
Don't forget to validate.
Right.
You and your father seem to be on good terms, despite him trying to stop you.
He's a good guy.
Hejust worries.
Ladies, thanks for coming to Infeld/Daniels.
No problem.
They shot a deodorant commercial at my house last week.
It's being repainted.
This is almost preferable to the paint fumes.
Well, I'm flattered.
So, just to clarify, Ms.
McDowell, your house is where the robbery took place? -Is that accurate? -That's right.
Simone and Amber performed their routine there for the pole-dancing class, and we each took turns trying out the moves they taught us.
Really? What -- what kind of moves for the --? The Anaconda, the Jackhammer.
They had us spread our legs, grind against the pole.
Spinning, thrusting.
The Jackhammer.
I see.
You stated to the police that my client, Amber North, never left the pole.
Well, I don't remember.
-I was drugged.
-Mm.
They had to have been upstairs.
But a lot went on that night, Ms.
Elliott.
I mean, your first girl-on-girl kiss can be confusing.
You know, lots of fuzzy feelings -- Nothing's fuzzy.
Amber and Simone seduced us, then stole our stuff.
So Nothing is fuzzy.
How was it really any different than any other book-club meeting? We don't usually get naked and do Tequila shots off each other's breasts.
Oh, okay, so your bra fell off, your panties fell off.
Not impossible your engagement ring Slipped off with everything else and somehow ended up in the girls' workout bag? They were casing the place from the moment they got there.
Amber's fingerprints weren't anywhere upstairs near the purses and jewelry, so isn't it possible my client never made it up there? Are you hitting on me? I don't know.
Am I? Mr.
Bash, your client took an excellent business opportunity and threw it away.
Pbht.
We should throw our own pole-dancing party for Brentwood housewives.
Can't talk about it.
I'm not discussing the case.
Can't talk about it.
Come on.
Look at you, all by-the-book.
Has that ever worked for you? You mean, worked for us? Yeah.
You, me -- family.
What you got? Dude, come on.
-Dude, come on.
-Dude.
-Dude.
-Come on.
Du-- No phantom smells.
You're both wearing shirts.
We also have a strict pop-by policy.
-What's the password? -Chinese wall.
That's two words.
As much as I'd love to see you go at it like gladiators, I brought a gift.
I get one? Whoever comes to me first gets to walk.
Second place, gets 10 years.
She's just trying to divide and conquer.
Yeah, get inside our heads.
-Yeah.
-It's not gonna work.
No.
Seriously? It's for you.
It's your mother.
Come to order.
Defense calls Mike Bennett.
Mr.
Bennett, can you tell us your role at Scott Avenue Productions? Yeah, I'm a painter.
When we go on location, I paint the rental homes to accommodate our sets.
After the robbery, you did work at Ms.
McDowell's house for a deodorant commercial? Yeah, I painted everything Sierra tan -- cabinets, doors, molding.
And then what? You repaint everything back to its original color? Spanish sand.
And during deposition, you stated that painting all those doors was a "pain in the ass" 'cause you had to take all the doors off their hinges.
Yeah, we had to line them all up, and then we hit 'em with the spray gun.
Right.
Ever seen the movie "The Fugitive"? Yeah, like a hundred times.
Harrison Ford in his prime.
Absolutely.
Lost my "Sexiest man alive" crown to him more than once.
-Objection.
-I'm sorry.
Is Mr.
Bash implying that he's the only one allowed to be cute? The most frustrating part of that movie is the jury convicts Dr.
Kimble only because they couldn't find that freaky one-armed killer's fingerprints.
Objection! On what grounds? The movie reference.
You know, the self-deprecating joke.
The buttoning the jacket! Those are my moves.
-He's stealing them.
-Overruled.
Now, Mr.
Bennett, is it possible the reason my client's fingerprints were on the bedroom doorknob was because that door was actually the bathroom door? Yeah, it's possible, I guess.
They're supposed to be identical, but I rearranged them a few times, yeah.
So my client's fingerprints might have actually been on the bathroom door, as she claimed.
Thank you, Mr.
Bennett.
It's all yours, pal.
Nice to see you.
Hello.
How are you? Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, come on -- objection! He's hitting on the entire jury box, Your Honor! Thank you.
My uniform is totally lame.
I look like a tool in front of Hanna.
Oh, your accomplishments will impress the judge.
Do I have to wear the nut-hugger shorts? I didn't design the uniform.
You're not making 13 any easier on him.
Tell us how you earned your plant-science badge.
I can identify over 5,000 edible, medicinal, and poisonous plants.
Relevance, Your Honor.
A practical understanding of survival doesn't guarantee that Alex can adapt his knowledge under duress.
Sustained.
Ms.
Linden? I have an affidavit from Dr.
Harold Cohen, an entomologist on staff at UCLA.
He certified that the contents of this box include four harmless insects and one poisonous one, all of which Alex could encounter on his trip down the Amazon.
Camel cricket.
Madagascar hissing cockroach.
Ah.
Bamboo worm.
Oh.
You missed one.
Wouldn't do that, Your Honor.
Lonomia caterpillars cause foaming of the mouth and kidney failure.
Oh.
Your witness.
Hey.
Can I talk to you for a minute, off the record? Uh-oh.
I know that face.
Guy troubles.
What'd he do? Took a case he'll lose because his best friend's kicking his ass.
Here we go.
I'm just calling it like I see it.
Either you've never carried your own weight or I've underestimated Jared's ability.
Yeah, see, I know what you're doing, and you're not gonna get in my head.
Do what's best for your client.
Reconsider the deal.
Oh, look at that.
Jared just texted.
Wonder what he wants.
Being a Falcon Scout should set you apart from other boys in the woods, wouldn't you say? It's the highest rank attainable in the Trail Scouts of America.
But the only time you spent in the wild was last year with Outward Bound, where they called you "wuss.
" Objection.
Argumentative.
Mr.
Lavetta.
Isn't that what they called you, Alex? Yes.
And didn't they call you "wuss" because you left three days into your two-week hike? Look, they were immature.
Why did you leave early? Please answer the question, Alex.
I was worried about my father.
Enlighten us.
How were you able to interpret his feelings, alone, in the middle of the Rocky Mountains? Smoke signals? Skywriting? I just knew, okay? - Sounds like an excuse! -Leave me alone! Objection! Please instruct counsel to stop badgering the witness.
You were homesick, weren't you? Weren't you?! Ease up, Don! Your Honor, we request a recess.
Give me a break, Mr.
Lavetta.
Look, I'll be wrestling crocodiles.
Takes a little more than that to make me cry.
Request for recess withdrawn, Your Honor.
Awesome.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Thank you.
But, honestly, it's genetics, 'cause I haven't touched a weight in like 30 years.
-It's crazy.
-You never lift weights? Never, no.
And I can eat anything I want.
Carmen, would you remind Mr.
Bash that I've reserved the hot tub from 10:00 to 10:30? Jared, he can hear you.
Pindar, can you tell Mr.
Franklin that I'm using this time as restitution for using my moves in court? Mr.
Franklin, Mr.
Bash would like you to know -- Used your moves? I loaned you my persona.
We made you the charming one for marketing purposes.
You know what? Keep my moves as a gift.
But you're not stealing anything else.
-Really.
-Yeah.
Universal remote.
It's mine.
Nana gave it to me for my birthday.
No, no, universal remote is mine.
Super Bowl winnings, my friends.
Somebody please make this stop.
Good luck doing Franklin & Bash without the Bash.
I'm sorry, you're billing yourself as "The Bash" now? Aren't you guys, like, both supposed to be on our side? You know what? Keep it.
-I don't want it.
-I don't want it.
If it wasn't for the Bash, you'd still be waxing your daddy's Jag for allowance.
Well, if the moves I stole were so fantastic, how come Janie dumped the Bash? Mine's much bigger.
I've never been concerned about size, Peter.
We went over that when we dated.
Look, I'm not here to flirt.
You need shelter from a tumbling wall that's about to crush you.
All right, not saying that I want your deal, but my client is curious.
Would she have to give factual basis acknowledging her guilt? You help me take down Simone, and Amber can plead petty theft as a misdemeanor.
That's three years probation.
We could back the truck up with incriminating testimony.
What was that about incriminating testimony Partner? You gave him the deal? His client's the guilty one.
Simone targeted Amber.
Bad influence corrupts catholic schoolgirl? Classic porno story line.
Exactly why Amber put it on Simone.
Catholic schoolgirls are the wildest.
-Janie, where do I sign? -No.
Deal's off.
Watching you two sell each other out seems I can definitely get convictions on both defendants.
Oh, it's on.
Like Donkey Kong.
Simone, as an entrepreneur, it is in your interest to keep a clean record, correct? I could lose my business license.
Because Rock & Pole's categorized as "sexually-oriented," I have to pass routine background checks.
Your Honor, I'm submitting a copy of Ms.
Winters' business license to show it's currently up-to-date.
One moment, Your Honor.
Uh The business license is under your name.
Why not Amber's? Amber failed the background check.
She never paid her credit cards, and some company reported her for fraud.
Objection, Your Honor.
Prejudicial impact outweighs any probative value.
Overruled.
Fraud, financial problems.
No more questions.
Ms.
Winters, could you tell us all the aliases you've danced under? I've used a lot of names -- uh, Serenity, Jade, Diamond.
Have you ever been "Sherry Pie"? I, uh I used that name at a topless bar in Arizona.
Oh, the same bar whose safe you were convicted of robbing three years ago.
Objection! Betrayal? Withdrawn.
I think the jury knows exactly what's going on here.
This is supposed to be a business meeting.
I'm tired of talking about me.
Let's talk about you.
Uh, Alex, you're 13.
Age is arbitrary.
When you're ready for an adventure, you're ready.
Sorry I'm late.
Stanton had to dry-run his Bohemian Grove speech.
I wasn't expecting company.
-Everything okay? -Perfect timing.
I was just about to ask Alex why he left Outward Bound.
My dad's divorce hit him hard.
And his anniversary happened during my trip.
Once I made it to the mountains, I felt bad, so I came home.
That's a beautiful story.
But how do we persuade the judge that you won't feel the same way in South America? Mr.
Karp, could you excuse us? I made go-karting reservations for Hanna and myself.
Uh, Alex, I'm gonna be in court all afternoon.
Oh.
Um That's okay.
Um I'm free all week.
That was very smooth.
I've always found that the quickest way to a woman's heart is through go-karting.
I'm about to break a world record.
What have you ever done that a girl would care about? Well, the Clippers dropped me from my contract after I tore my A.
C.
L.
Terminated contract.
Surgery on the knee.
Credit cards piled up.
I have a supportive family.
My father helped me pay them off, but the damage was already done.
Your Honor, Ms.
North's credit card and bank statements are marked and entered.
This will show she had no outstanding debts and maintained positive cash flow prior to the robbery.
Your witness.
Bailiff, can we get a chair for Mr.
Bash? Ms.
North, you had any recent medical procedures, other than your A.
C.
L.
surgery? Uh, yes, but I, um That information is extremely personal.
Well, Ms.
North, I'm sure your secret is safe here.
Please.
I had my deviated septum repaired to stop snoring.
And what pain medication were you prescribed during recovery? I don't recall the name of it.
Page 6, would you read aloud the prescription you had refilled two months ago? Hycobine.
Hycobine -- the same French drug used to knock out the housewives.
I didn't have it on me that night.
Huh.
Well, then this must be the most convenient excuse in the history of convenient excuses.
No further questions.
"One degree of Bowie" mix I promised to make you for your birthday Two years ago.
Dolls, Iggy, P-Diddy You know, we broke our pact to never let a case come between us.
Actually, our pact was to never work Mondays or Fridays.
Seems like last week we were sitting right here, waiting for rollerbladers to crash into unlicensed street vendors.
Where'd it all go? That was last week.
Remember Simmons versus Hot Diggity Dosa? For indecent exposure? -Bongo Tom.
-Mm-hmm.
We argued it wasn't public because he got naked in his alley where he lived.
What are we gonna do? We already won this case for Janie.
Not if we get the band back together.
Forget everything we said.
Our defense is strongest when we're a team.
We need to destroy our wall and become the new, new Berlin.
I'd rather keep the wall.
I don't want to help Simone.
Okay, if you keep the wall, you both go away for five years.
Jared and I have learned a valuable lesson through this ordeal.
The greatest success stories come from duos.
Simon & Garfunkel, Richards and Jagger, R2 and 3PO, Tom and Jerry! Ice dancing sensations Torvill and Dean.
No.
I can't go back to jail.
I don't ever want to go.
There we go.
See? This feels right.
Yeah.
I hiked Runyon this morning.
A hard trail.
Might tackle the super sprint triathlon in San Diego.
He's gotten to you, hasn't he? Who? No! Come on.
I'm not threatened by a 13-year-old.
See, that's the problem with our case.
When a kid succeeds at something adults fear, grown-ups lose their power.
You don't think we should've put him on the stand? I don't know.
I just -- No, dad, look, don't get hysterical.
It's just a flat tire.
No, I already called the road club.
Dad, just stay on the phone with me until they get there, okay? All right, half an hour.
I'll take the I think we put the wrong kid on the stand.
Okay, Pindar, you're starting to scare me.
Will you stop watching that? I can't look away.
It's just so beautiful.
How did Kelly McDowell find you guys? We're friends with Kesha's choreographers.
They referred us.
Yeah, Ms.
McDowell bailed on them at the last minute.
It was too expensive.
Too expensive for Brentwood? How much do poles cost? Those girls are the best.
They charge 5 g's.
Wait.
That's what the housewives said they paid you.
I wish.
We only got 2 grand.
Who got the rest? Dr.
Etienne gave me my high beams! Pindar, you're killin' me, okay? I can't access both parts of my brain at once.
Dr.
Etienne? He's the plastic surgeon who did my nose job.
French doctor.
Same French doctor could mean same French drug.
Why would Ms.
McDowell rob herself and her friends? -It's pretty thin.
-We've had thinner.
This one's gonna need a feeding tube.
Okay, so, she wasn't home, but I did find something you'll recognize from the old days.
Ah, foreclosure notices.
Hey.
I looked into Scott Avenue Productions.
They started working with Ms.
McDowell six months ago.
She calls twice a week and begs them to book her home.
So she's house rich and cash poor.
What about the jewelry? Well, my pawnshop boys haven't heard anything that matches our property.
Yeah, try to sell a $300,000 necklace and she'd trigger Homeland Security.
She also went to the bank the day after the robbery.
Didn't make any deposits or withdraw any money.
If she didn't make any deposits, what was Ms.
McDowell doing there? Maybe she wasn't depositing money.
What about a safe-deposit box? Dr.
Carlisle, could you describe the circumstances under which your marriage ended? Alex's mother left us six years ago, to paint watercolor landscapes in Albuquerque with her instructor Alphonso.
Transition must've been difficult, being a single parent? Alex and I do just fine.
How often do you do the laundry? A couple of times a week, I assume.
Alex does the laundry.
-Who manages your bills? -Alex.
Oh.
So, on top of training for kayaking competitions, earning badges, and being a genius, he does your bookkeeping? It's not unusual for a boy to have some after-school chores.
Grocery shopping -- who does that? My son also goes to the supermarket.
I'm sorry.
But, Dr.
Carlisle, what exactly are your chores? Seems like Alex supervises every aspect of your life.
We take care of each other, Mr.
Karp.
That's what families do.
And who's gonna take care of you when Alex is on that river? No one.
I mean, me.
I'll -- I'll take care of myself.
You're not worried about Alex being alone in the jungle Are you? You're worried about him leaving you.
Don't listen to him, Dad.
Alex.
It's okay, Alex.
I'm fine.
And I'll be fine While you're on your trip.
What is it that couldn't wait? We have evidentiary support that implicates Ms.
McDowell in the robbery, Your Honor.
She had access to the same drugs as our clients.
I don't want to know how you obtained this, Mr.
Franklin.
Your Honor, is 100% legal.
You'll see in our motion.
You want me to accept this into evidence? We'd also like to subpoena her safe-deposit box.
We believe she's concealing the stolen jewelry.
Your Honor, we're in the middle of trial.
We can't accept new evidence at this late juncture.
We're asking a bit of leeway, Your Honor, not that we deserve it.
It is not my problem that opposing counsel wasted their resources trying to decapitate each other.
I've watched you boys tear each other apart at the expense of your clients, all week.
turned my courtroom into a dinner theater.
And now you expect me to introduce your encore? Ms.
McDowell framed our clients.
Ms.
McDowell is not on trial, Mr.
Franklin.
-Your Honor -- -Denied.
Ms.
McDowell, can you explain why you had your diamond necklace appraised six months ago? Insurance won't issue a policy without a certified appraisal.
$300,000 necklace, and you never had it insured? My timing was fortunate.
Miraculous, considering you needed $300,000 to save your house from foreclosure.
Objection! Mr.
Franklin, you've been warned.
Your Honor, if Ms.
McDowell does not have the diamond necklace, then she'll be okay with me opening her safe-deposit box.
With your permission, Ms.
McDowell.
Hold it.
I've seen this bluff before.
That box doesn't belong to her, does it? It's mine, Your Honor.
I should hold you in contempt.
Instead, I'll admit your box.
Go on.
Amuse us with your precious valuables.
I-I-I'll -- I'll take -- I'll take contempt, Your Honor.
That's fair.
You need a dose of your own medicine, Mr.
Franklin.
Open the box.
UhOkay.
Uh, it's a VHS of Wrestlemania VIII -- Ric Flair versus Macho Man.
Reba sang the national anthem.
It wasangelic.
Um Lady Gaga's chewing gum.
She gave it to me more or less.
Um Program for "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
" My wife and I caught that twice on Broadway.
This is my high-school production.
I was the butler.
Everything in that box is evidence in this court.
Your Honor, um This is just a prescription for hycobine that Ms.
McDowell refilled two days prior to the robbery.
Th-th-that's not mine.
Mr.
Franklin, I ruled that evidence inadmissible.
But, Your Honor, you ordered me to admit it, against my wishes.
Objection, Your Honor! Overruled.
Bring it home, pal.
Ms.
McDowell Let's talk about one of my favorite topics -- breasts.
-Excuse me? -I'm sorry.
I forgot.
You like to call them your high beams.
Objection! Relevance.
Your Honor, those breasts were her partner in crime.
Why not? I've already given you enough rope to hang yourself.
You had hycobine in your system because Dr.
Etienne prescribed it to you after your breast-enlargement surgery.
And pinning the crime on Amber and Simone would distract the insurance company from investigating the loss of your diamond necklace, wouldn't it? You laced those drinks and stole your own jewelry, didn't you? Thanks for playing, Red.
Good game.
Good.
No hard feelings.
Ah.
Oh.
Regrettably, I'm unable to attend your engagement soiree next weekend.
I have my annual check-up with my matsés shaman.
Engagement party.
Didn't invite me.
Thank you, Stanton.
I have one just like it.
-Please.
-Oh.
-Ah! -Oh! The Phoenix and the Dragon.
Two mythological beasts entwined -- both ferocious yet beautiful.
Ready to devour each other or copulate in magnificent harmony.
Nathan will love it.
Thank you.
Ah.
Mm.
Uh, who's Nathan? Well, chalk up another victory for team Franklin and Bash.
You knew exactly what you were doing when you allowed the Chinese wall.
Mm.
I know this much, Mr.
Bash.
You never value what you have until it's gone.
Thanks for dropping the case.
I trusted you to make decisions for me all these years.
Maybe it's time you do that for yourself.
Come here.
You were good with Alex.
I'm good with anyone who flatters me.
Oh.
I think it's a little more than that.
You know having a kid could never make you ordinary.
Congratulations, team.
I commend your instinct about putting my dad on the stand.
Well, that's very high praise.
The Amazon does not stand a chance against you.
I'm going.
Look, Hanna, we both know the stress long distance can put on a relationship.
I can't ask you to put your life on hold for me.
-Alex -- -Just kidding.
Look, you're supersonic hot.
Can I call you in 15 years? Ah.
Oh, look at this.
Ohh.
See? Yes, yes.
-Yeah.
-Just feels like yes.
You know they're not clients, so it's fair game.
Nearly broke us up.
They could be cursed.
But it's your call.
Eh, what are my odds at getting another shot at a former Clippers cheerleader? Wait, wait.
Why do you get Amber? You wanted to send her to jail.
That was business.
Well, I'm fine with either.
Yeah, they will be, too.
We're win-win.
You know it.
Oh.
All right, you get one shot with the hottest twins on the planet.
Can they be conjoined? No, that's one person.
Twin twins.
Mm.
Eyes above the waist.
Come on, now.
We are intelligent human beings.
Where you goin', gorgeous? Amber North, Simone Winters -- erotic aerobic instructors.
Oh, hello.
Owners of Rock & Pole.
That's catchy.
We didn't rob those Brentwood bitches.
L.
A.
P.
D.
said they found a $50,000 ring in your workout bag after you taught an in-home pole-dancing class, uhAmber? I'm Amber.
She's Simone.
I don't know how that stupid ring got in our bag.
And we didn't take that lady's necklace.
Someone's messing with us.
We're here to get you off.
Ooh, what a mixture such a vivid picture ooh, what a mixture if I must say so myself That lynx tracked my scent across the entire North Ridge of the Peters Glacier.
Now, luckily, she only got a piece of my flesh and not my determination to summit Denali.
It's amazing, Mr.
Infeld.
Hey, you know, I should climb Denali next.
That's a good -- oh, Hanna, uh, Damien! I'd like you to meet our new client.
This is Alex Carlisle.
Alex rode his bicycle all the way up here from Orange County.
Last time I checked, Stanton, we don't do curfew violations.
Actually, I want to be the youngest kayaker to solo the Amazon.
But my dad won't let me.
He's being sponsored by the founder of Outdoor Apparel, but his father has placed a preliminary injunction to stop him from going.
-How old are you, Alex? -I'm 13.
Oh, this is not your ordinary teenager, Hanna, no.
I.
Q.
173.
Master Falcon Scout at 9.
And there isn't a river I can't kayak blindfolded.
Cool.
Um, it's a suicide mission.
We might as well ask the judge's permission to let him jump his Schwinn across the Grand Canyon.
What if somebody told Alexander the Great that he was too young to rule a kingdom, or a young Kobayashi that he couldn't eat 60 hot dogs? No! Great achievements involve great risk.
Well, we Welcome the challenge.
Alex is very inspiring.
Thanks for your support.
It's an honor to meet a boy as brave as you.
You're very kind, but it's been a while since I was a boy.
Ladies.
-Hello.
Made it to the high-rise but still working out of the basement.
All right, let's blast the roof off this joint.
Eddie and Hagar? Hagar sells Tequila now.
-) Noted.
Retro Roth? -Mm.
Judge Douglas, the D.
A.
would have you believe that our clients are merely two women with drop-dead legs who dance the night away for a living.
These beautiful girls are successful entrepreneurs who built their Rock & Pole business from the ground up.
Your Honor, they're using Van Halen song titles as a defense.
You really got me.
Don't push your luck, gentlemen.
Your Honor, we'd like to enter a plea of "Not guilty.
" And respectfully request our clients' release on their own recognizance, pending trial.
Your Honor, Ms.
North and Ms.
Winters stand accused of stealing $350,000 worth of jewelry after drugging their victims during a glorified sex show.
Drugging those housewives? We would never do that.
The state requests bail be set at $100,000.
That's ridiculous, Your Honor.
They have no prior records.
And their 6-inch stilettos make flight risk nearly impossible.
The defendants are hereby released on their own recognizance.
-Yes.
-There you go.
Next case, Miss Ross.
What is this dealing with? I don't know.
Dirty twirlers has been on our vision board since law school! You know, Amber is a former Clippers cheerleader.
I recognize those moves.
Oh, man! It's like catching a mermaid in the same net! So, about an hour after this footage was shot, the guests passed out from laced margaritas, woke up cleaned out.
What does the toxicology report say about the drugs? Uh, hycobine.
French Vicodin.
Very rare.
Sounds naughtier than regular Vicodin.
Amber and Simone never even heard of it.
They said they taught the class, things got crazy, so they bolted.
How'd the cops find the engagement ring in their bag? The police searched their apartment the next morning when Amber wasn't there.
Simone claims that they shared the bag.
Amber wasn't there, but it's her apartment.
Simone didn't have the authority to let the police in.
Illegal search & seizure.
Get that ring tossed out, and Janie's case falls apart.
Boom.
Come in! Where's Pindar? Hey! Our favorite defendants.
-What is with the sad faces? -Oh.
Tell them what you told me this afternoon in the steam room.
Three years ago, I worked for a club in Arizona.
You know, the other kind of dancing.
There's no shame in being versatile.
She robbed the club's safe, spent 30 days in jail.
The manager screwed me out of my tips.
I only took what was owed me.
This totally sucks.
Yeah, coming from money doesn't make you an angel.
We work the same pole.
My douchebag lawyer sold me out in court.
It happened so fast, they, uh -- they booked me under my stage name -- "Sherry Pie.
" Nobody ever knew.
Well, one thing's for sure -- if Janie had this info, she would've rubbed it in our faces by now.
Yeah.
We worked so hard to finally go legit.
Now we're right back where everyone expects us to be.
Hey, listen, it's gonna be fine.
Okay, by the time we're done, every milfy housewife and cougar's gonna be lining up around the block to take lessons from you again, okay? Single for a smile? -Hey.
-What? -A five.
Huh? Huh? -Hmm? I've read your motion to have the ring deemed inadmissible.
I've decided to deny it.
Approach, Your Honor? Your Honor, this is a textbook As you two should know, the defendants cohabited at the time of the arrest, implying a commonality of privileges.
So, denied.
Can you at least nod like we're saying something smart? Go away.
Your Honor, some new evidence came in to our office this morning -- fingerprints on an upstairs bedroom door matching Simone Winters, the same bedroom door containing the stolen necklace.
You bitch! That's what you were doing upstairs? I went upstairs to look for the bathroom.
Okay.
Whoa, whoa.
Defrost.
Like when I caught you in my Louboutins? Ladies, this is not the place.
Deep breaths.
Happy thoughts.
I borrowed those.
Okay, quiet contest, starting now! I am not going to prison for her.
You are making this way too easy.
Squabbling clients.
You know, you try to rescue two drowning swimmers at once, you go down with them.
You have to let one go.
But what if they're both innocent? See, there is another way.
We could put up a Chinese wall.
Ahh, yes, the Great Wall of China itself -- choose a side and stick to it.
We split up the women between us.
And the firm keeps the case.
Don't be fooled, boys.
I've seen many partnerships destroyed by the divisive nature of the wall.
Ah.
Our friendship's survived a lot worse than not working together.
Yeah, we didn't talk the entire summer Peter was at Jazz Camp.
-Rock camp.
-With clarinets.
Your responsibility will be to your clients, not each other.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Trying the same case alone.
You could be disbarred.
Our lips are sealed.
All right.
You have my blessing.
Franklin versus Bash it is.
Hm.
The jury would look unfavorably on new counsel.
So, to keep everyone happy, Jared and I have decided to represent each of you individually.
Separate lawyers, same courtroom.
Everything's like it was, except you can't discuss the details of the case with each other.
By the way, you're doing a terrific job so far.
How are we supposed to pick between you guys? Ah.
Well, to avoid the awkwardness of upsetting Jared, we've chosen for you.
Amber, you're with me.
Simone, dibs on Jared.
So not cool if Amber gets the better lawyer.
Which one of you is smarter? -We're both equally -- -I am.
Ask Peter who got 179 on his LSAT.
Same guy who cried when he lost his last trial.
Ask Jared who won the appeal for him.
Pindar's agrees with me.
Pindar! No, Pindar's with me, homey.
Karaoke brothers for life.
I'm sorry.
I'm working on Karp's Amazon River case.
Did you know the Candiru fish can swim up your urethra and live in your penis for weeks? Oh, uh, Infeld's got me trailing a Jamaican guy who stole his identity, so you guys are on your own.
Our goal is to show the judge that, despite your age, you're competent enough to paddle down the Amazon.
Which means we may have to put you on the stand.
I have to warn you, some of opposing counsel's questions won't be very friendly.
Mr.
Karp, I'll be paddling down 2,000 miles of class-five rapids in a kayak.
With swimming in the water, flying in the air, and crawling on the shore can kill me in a matter of seconds.
I'll be fine.
All right, then.
Good to hear.
Can I ask you two a question? Sure.
Do either of you have kids? No.
Do you want them? -Maybe.
-Sure.
Hm.
Alex, I'll be in the car.
Okay, Dad.
I'll be a minute.
Don't forget to validate.
Right.
You and your father seem to be on good terms, despite him trying to stop you.
He's a good guy.
Hejust worries.
Ladies, thanks for coming to Infeld/Daniels.
No problem.
They shot a deodorant commercial at my house last week.
It's being repainted.
This is almost preferable to the paint fumes.
Well, I'm flattered.
So, just to clarify, Ms.
McDowell, your house is where the robbery took place? -Is that accurate? -That's right.
Simone and Amber performed their routine there for the pole-dancing class, and we each took turns trying out the moves they taught us.
Really? What -- what kind of moves for the --? The Anaconda, the Jackhammer.
They had us spread our legs, grind against the pole.
Spinning, thrusting.
The Jackhammer.
I see.
You stated to the police that my client, Amber North, never left the pole.
Well, I don't remember.
-I was drugged.
-Mm.
They had to have been upstairs.
But a lot went on that night, Ms.
Elliott.
I mean, your first girl-on-girl kiss can be confusing.
You know, lots of fuzzy feelings -- Nothing's fuzzy.
Amber and Simone seduced us, then stole our stuff.
So Nothing is fuzzy.
How was it really any different than any other book-club meeting? We don't usually get naked and do Tequila shots off each other's breasts.
Oh, okay, so your bra fell off, your panties fell off.
Not impossible your engagement ring Slipped off with everything else and somehow ended up in the girls' workout bag? They were casing the place from the moment they got there.
Amber's fingerprints weren't anywhere upstairs near the purses and jewelry, so isn't it possible my client never made it up there? Are you hitting on me? I don't know.
Am I? Mr.
Bash, your client took an excellent business opportunity and threw it away.
Pbht.
We should throw our own pole-dancing party for Brentwood housewives.
Can't talk about it.
I'm not discussing the case.
Can't talk about it.
Come on.
Look at you, all by-the-book.
Has that ever worked for you? You mean, worked for us? Yeah.
You, me -- family.
What you got? Dude, come on.
-Dude, come on.
-Dude.
-Dude.
-Come on.
Du-- No phantom smells.
You're both wearing shirts.
We also have a strict pop-by policy.
-What's the password? -Chinese wall.
That's two words.
As much as I'd love to see you go at it like gladiators, I brought a gift.
I get one? Whoever comes to me first gets to walk.
Second place, gets 10 years.
She's just trying to divide and conquer.
Yeah, get inside our heads.
-Yeah.
-It's not gonna work.
No.
Seriously? It's for you.
It's your mother.
Come to order.
Defense calls Mike Bennett.
Mr.
Bennett, can you tell us your role at Scott Avenue Productions? Yeah, I'm a painter.
When we go on location, I paint the rental homes to accommodate our sets.
After the robbery, you did work at Ms.
McDowell's house for a deodorant commercial? Yeah, I painted everything Sierra tan -- cabinets, doors, molding.
And then what? You repaint everything back to its original color? Spanish sand.
And during deposition, you stated that painting all those doors was a "pain in the ass" 'cause you had to take all the doors off their hinges.
Yeah, we had to line them all up, and then we hit 'em with the spray gun.
Right.
Ever seen the movie "The Fugitive"? Yeah, like a hundred times.
Harrison Ford in his prime.
Absolutely.
Lost my "Sexiest man alive" crown to him more than once.
-Objection.
-I'm sorry.
Is Mr.
Bash implying that he's the only one allowed to be cute? The most frustrating part of that movie is the jury convicts Dr.
Kimble only because they couldn't find that freaky one-armed killer's fingerprints.
Objection! On what grounds? The movie reference.
You know, the self-deprecating joke.
The buttoning the jacket! Those are my moves.
-He's stealing them.
-Overruled.
Now, Mr.
Bennett, is it possible the reason my client's fingerprints were on the bedroom doorknob was because that door was actually the bathroom door? Yeah, it's possible, I guess.
They're supposed to be identical, but I rearranged them a few times, yeah.
So my client's fingerprints might have actually been on the bathroom door, as she claimed.
Thank you, Mr.
Bennett.
It's all yours, pal.
Nice to see you.
Hello.
How are you? Hi.
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, come on -- objection! He's hitting on the entire jury box, Your Honor! Thank you.
My uniform is totally lame.
I look like a tool in front of Hanna.
Oh, your accomplishments will impress the judge.
Do I have to wear the nut-hugger shorts? I didn't design the uniform.
You're not making 13 any easier on him.
Tell us how you earned your plant-science badge.
I can identify over 5,000 edible, medicinal, and poisonous plants.
Relevance, Your Honor.
A practical understanding of survival doesn't guarantee that Alex can adapt his knowledge under duress.
Sustained.
Ms.
Linden? I have an affidavit from Dr.
Harold Cohen, an entomologist on staff at UCLA.
He certified that the contents of this box include four harmless insects and one poisonous one, all of which Alex could encounter on his trip down the Amazon.
Camel cricket.
Madagascar hissing cockroach.
Ah.
Bamboo worm.
Oh.
You missed one.
Wouldn't do that, Your Honor.
Lonomia caterpillars cause foaming of the mouth and kidney failure.
Oh.
Your witness.
Hey.
Can I talk to you for a minute, off the record? Uh-oh.
I know that face.
Guy troubles.
What'd he do? Took a case he'll lose because his best friend's kicking his ass.
Here we go.
I'm just calling it like I see it.
Either you've never carried your own weight or I've underestimated Jared's ability.
Yeah, see, I know what you're doing, and you're not gonna get in my head.
Do what's best for your client.
Reconsider the deal.
Oh, look at that.
Jared just texted.
Wonder what he wants.
Being a Falcon Scout should set you apart from other boys in the woods, wouldn't you say? It's the highest rank attainable in the Trail Scouts of America.
But the only time you spent in the wild was last year with Outward Bound, where they called you "wuss.
" Objection.
Argumentative.
Mr.
Lavetta.
Isn't that what they called you, Alex? Yes.
And didn't they call you "wuss" because you left three days into your two-week hike? Look, they were immature.
Why did you leave early? Please answer the question, Alex.
I was worried about my father.
Enlighten us.
How were you able to interpret his feelings, alone, in the middle of the Rocky Mountains? Smoke signals? Skywriting? I just knew, okay? - Sounds like an excuse! -Leave me alone! Objection! Please instruct counsel to stop badgering the witness.
You were homesick, weren't you? Weren't you?! Ease up, Don! Your Honor, we request a recess.
Give me a break, Mr.
Lavetta.
Look, I'll be wrestling crocodiles.
Takes a little more than that to make me cry.
Request for recess withdrawn, Your Honor.
Awesome.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Thank you.
But, honestly, it's genetics, 'cause I haven't touched a weight in like 30 years.
-It's crazy.
-You never lift weights? Never, no.
And I can eat anything I want.
Carmen, would you remind Mr.
Bash that I've reserved the hot tub from 10:00 to 10:30? Jared, he can hear you.
Pindar, can you tell Mr.
Franklin that I'm using this time as restitution for using my moves in court? Mr.
Franklin, Mr.
Bash would like you to know -- Used your moves? I loaned you my persona.
We made you the charming one for marketing purposes.
You know what? Keep my moves as a gift.
But you're not stealing anything else.
-Really.
-Yeah.
Universal remote.
It's mine.
Nana gave it to me for my birthday.
No, no, universal remote is mine.
Super Bowl winnings, my friends.
Somebody please make this stop.
Good luck doing Franklin & Bash without the Bash.
I'm sorry, you're billing yourself as "The Bash" now? Aren't you guys, like, both supposed to be on our side? You know what? Keep it.
-I don't want it.
-I don't want it.
If it wasn't for the Bash, you'd still be waxing your daddy's Jag for allowance.
Well, if the moves I stole were so fantastic, how come Janie dumped the Bash? Mine's much bigger.
I've never been concerned about size, Peter.
We went over that when we dated.
Look, I'm not here to flirt.
You need shelter from a tumbling wall that's about to crush you.
All right, not saying that I want your deal, but my client is curious.
Would she have to give factual basis acknowledging her guilt? You help me take down Simone, and Amber can plead petty theft as a misdemeanor.
That's three years probation.
We could back the truck up with incriminating testimony.
What was that about incriminating testimony Partner? You gave him the deal? His client's the guilty one.
Simone targeted Amber.
Bad influence corrupts catholic schoolgirl? Classic porno story line.
Exactly why Amber put it on Simone.
Catholic schoolgirls are the wildest.
-Janie, where do I sign? -No.
Deal's off.
Watching you two sell each other out seems I can definitely get convictions on both defendants.
Oh, it's on.
Like Donkey Kong.
Simone, as an entrepreneur, it is in your interest to keep a clean record, correct? I could lose my business license.
Because Rock & Pole's categorized as "sexually-oriented," I have to pass routine background checks.
Your Honor, I'm submitting a copy of Ms.
Winters' business license to show it's currently up-to-date.
One moment, Your Honor.
Uh The business license is under your name.
Why not Amber's? Amber failed the background check.
She never paid her credit cards, and some company reported her for fraud.
Objection, Your Honor.
Prejudicial impact outweighs any probative value.
Overruled.
Fraud, financial problems.
No more questions.
Ms.
Winters, could you tell us all the aliases you've danced under? I've used a lot of names -- uh, Serenity, Jade, Diamond.
Have you ever been "Sherry Pie"? I, uh I used that name at a topless bar in Arizona.
Oh, the same bar whose safe you were convicted of robbing three years ago.
Objection! Betrayal? Withdrawn.
I think the jury knows exactly what's going on here.
This is supposed to be a business meeting.
I'm tired of talking about me.
Let's talk about you.
Uh, Alex, you're 13.
Age is arbitrary.
When you're ready for an adventure, you're ready.
Sorry I'm late.
Stanton had to dry-run his Bohemian Grove speech.
I wasn't expecting company.
-Everything okay? -Perfect timing.
I was just about to ask Alex why he left Outward Bound.
My dad's divorce hit him hard.
And his anniversary happened during my trip.
Once I made it to the mountains, I felt bad, so I came home.
That's a beautiful story.
But how do we persuade the judge that you won't feel the same way in South America? Mr.
Karp, could you excuse us? I made go-karting reservations for Hanna and myself.
Uh, Alex, I'm gonna be in court all afternoon.
Oh.
Um That's okay.
Um I'm free all week.
That was very smooth.
I've always found that the quickest way to a woman's heart is through go-karting.
I'm about to break a world record.
What have you ever done that a girl would care about? Well, the Clippers dropped me from my contract after I tore my A.
C.
L.
Terminated contract.
Surgery on the knee.
Credit cards piled up.
I have a supportive family.
My father helped me pay them off, but the damage was already done.
Your Honor, Ms.
North's credit card and bank statements are marked and entered.
This will show she had no outstanding debts and maintained positive cash flow prior to the robbery.
Your witness.
Bailiff, can we get a chair for Mr.
Bash? Ms.
North, you had any recent medical procedures, other than your A.
C.
L.
surgery? Uh, yes, but I, um That information is extremely personal.
Well, Ms.
North, I'm sure your secret is safe here.
Please.
I had my deviated septum repaired to stop snoring.
And what pain medication were you prescribed during recovery? I don't recall the name of it.
Page 6, would you read aloud the prescription you had refilled two months ago? Hycobine.
Hycobine -- the same French drug used to knock out the housewives.
I didn't have it on me that night.
Huh.
Well, then this must be the most convenient excuse in the history of convenient excuses.
No further questions.
"One degree of Bowie" mix I promised to make you for your birthday Two years ago.
Dolls, Iggy, P-Diddy You know, we broke our pact to never let a case come between us.
Actually, our pact was to never work Mondays or Fridays.
Seems like last week we were sitting right here, waiting for rollerbladers to crash into unlicensed street vendors.
Where'd it all go? That was last week.
Remember Simmons versus Hot Diggity Dosa? For indecent exposure? -Bongo Tom.
-Mm-hmm.
We argued it wasn't public because he got naked in his alley where he lived.
What are we gonna do? We already won this case for Janie.
Not if we get the band back together.
Forget everything we said.
Our defense is strongest when we're a team.
We need to destroy our wall and become the new, new Berlin.
I'd rather keep the wall.
I don't want to help Simone.
Okay, if you keep the wall, you both go away for five years.
Jared and I have learned a valuable lesson through this ordeal.
The greatest success stories come from duos.
Simon & Garfunkel, Richards and Jagger, R2 and 3PO, Tom and Jerry! Ice dancing sensations Torvill and Dean.
No.
I can't go back to jail.
I don't ever want to go.
There we go.
See? This feels right.
Yeah.
I hiked Runyon this morning.
A hard trail.
Might tackle the super sprint triathlon in San Diego.
He's gotten to you, hasn't he? Who? No! Come on.
I'm not threatened by a 13-year-old.
See, that's the problem with our case.
When a kid succeeds at something adults fear, grown-ups lose their power.
You don't think we should've put him on the stand? I don't know.
I just -- No, dad, look, don't get hysterical.
It's just a flat tire.
No, I already called the road club.
Dad, just stay on the phone with me until they get there, okay? All right, half an hour.
I'll take the I think we put the wrong kid on the stand.
Okay, Pindar, you're starting to scare me.
Will you stop watching that? I can't look away.
It's just so beautiful.
How did Kelly McDowell find you guys? We're friends with Kesha's choreographers.
They referred us.
Yeah, Ms.
McDowell bailed on them at the last minute.
It was too expensive.
Too expensive for Brentwood? How much do poles cost? Those girls are the best.
They charge 5 g's.
Wait.
That's what the housewives said they paid you.
I wish.
We only got 2 grand.
Who got the rest? Dr.
Etienne gave me my high beams! Pindar, you're killin' me, okay? I can't access both parts of my brain at once.
Dr.
Etienne? He's the plastic surgeon who did my nose job.
French doctor.
Same French doctor could mean same French drug.
Why would Ms.
McDowell rob herself and her friends? -It's pretty thin.
-We've had thinner.
This one's gonna need a feeding tube.
Okay, so, she wasn't home, but I did find something you'll recognize from the old days.
Ah, foreclosure notices.
Hey.
I looked into Scott Avenue Productions.
They started working with Ms.
McDowell six months ago.
She calls twice a week and begs them to book her home.
So she's house rich and cash poor.
What about the jewelry? Well, my pawnshop boys haven't heard anything that matches our property.
Yeah, try to sell a $300,000 necklace and she'd trigger Homeland Security.
She also went to the bank the day after the robbery.
Didn't make any deposits or withdraw any money.
If she didn't make any deposits, what was Ms.
McDowell doing there? Maybe she wasn't depositing money.
What about a safe-deposit box? Dr.
Carlisle, could you describe the circumstances under which your marriage ended? Alex's mother left us six years ago, to paint watercolor landscapes in Albuquerque with her instructor Alphonso.
Transition must've been difficult, being a single parent? Alex and I do just fine.
How often do you do the laundry? A couple of times a week, I assume.
Alex does the laundry.
-Who manages your bills? -Alex.
Oh.
So, on top of training for kayaking competitions, earning badges, and being a genius, he does your bookkeeping? It's not unusual for a boy to have some after-school chores.
Grocery shopping -- who does that? My son also goes to the supermarket.
I'm sorry.
But, Dr.
Carlisle, what exactly are your chores? Seems like Alex supervises every aspect of your life.
We take care of each other, Mr.
Karp.
That's what families do.
And who's gonna take care of you when Alex is on that river? No one.
I mean, me.
I'll -- I'll take care of myself.
You're not worried about Alex being alone in the jungle Are you? You're worried about him leaving you.
Don't listen to him, Dad.
Alex.
It's okay, Alex.
I'm fine.
And I'll be fine While you're on your trip.
What is it that couldn't wait? We have evidentiary support that implicates Ms.
McDowell in the robbery, Your Honor.
She had access to the same drugs as our clients.
I don't want to know how you obtained this, Mr.
Franklin.
Your Honor, is 100% legal.
You'll see in our motion.
You want me to accept this into evidence? We'd also like to subpoena her safe-deposit box.
We believe she's concealing the stolen jewelry.
Your Honor, we're in the middle of trial.
We can't accept new evidence at this late juncture.
We're asking a bit of leeway, Your Honor, not that we deserve it.
It is not my problem that opposing counsel wasted their resources trying to decapitate each other.
I've watched you boys tear each other apart at the expense of your clients, all week.
turned my courtroom into a dinner theater.
And now you expect me to introduce your encore? Ms.
McDowell framed our clients.
Ms.
McDowell is not on trial, Mr.
Franklin.
-Your Honor -- -Denied.
Ms.
McDowell, can you explain why you had your diamond necklace appraised six months ago? Insurance won't issue a policy without a certified appraisal.
$300,000 necklace, and you never had it insured? My timing was fortunate.
Miraculous, considering you needed $300,000 to save your house from foreclosure.
Objection! Mr.
Franklin, you've been warned.
Your Honor, if Ms.
McDowell does not have the diamond necklace, then she'll be okay with me opening her safe-deposit box.
With your permission, Ms.
McDowell.
Hold it.
I've seen this bluff before.
That box doesn't belong to her, does it? It's mine, Your Honor.
I should hold you in contempt.
Instead, I'll admit your box.
Go on.
Amuse us with your precious valuables.
I-I-I'll -- I'll take -- I'll take contempt, Your Honor.
That's fair.
You need a dose of your own medicine, Mr.
Franklin.
Open the box.
UhOkay.
Uh, it's a VHS of Wrestlemania VIII -- Ric Flair versus Macho Man.
Reba sang the national anthem.
It wasangelic.
Um Lady Gaga's chewing gum.
She gave it to me more or less.
Um Program for "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
" My wife and I caught that twice on Broadway.
This is my high-school production.
I was the butler.
Everything in that box is evidence in this court.
Your Honor, um This is just a prescription for hycobine that Ms.
McDowell refilled two days prior to the robbery.
Th-th-that's not mine.
Mr.
Franklin, I ruled that evidence inadmissible.
But, Your Honor, you ordered me to admit it, against my wishes.
Objection, Your Honor! Overruled.
Bring it home, pal.
Ms.
McDowell Let's talk about one of my favorite topics -- breasts.
-Excuse me? -I'm sorry.
I forgot.
You like to call them your high beams.
Objection! Relevance.
Your Honor, those breasts were her partner in crime.
Why not? I've already given you enough rope to hang yourself.
You had hycobine in your system because Dr.
Etienne prescribed it to you after your breast-enlargement surgery.
And pinning the crime on Amber and Simone would distract the insurance company from investigating the loss of your diamond necklace, wouldn't it? You laced those drinks and stole your own jewelry, didn't you? Thanks for playing, Red.
Good game.
Good.
No hard feelings.
Ah.
Oh.
Regrettably, I'm unable to attend your engagement soiree next weekend.
I have my annual check-up with my matsés shaman.
Engagement party.
Didn't invite me.
Thank you, Stanton.
I have one just like it.
-Please.
-Oh.
-Ah! -Oh! The Phoenix and the Dragon.
Two mythological beasts entwined -- both ferocious yet beautiful.
Ready to devour each other or copulate in magnificent harmony.
Nathan will love it.
Thank you.
Ah.
Mm.
Uh, who's Nathan? Well, chalk up another victory for team Franklin and Bash.
You knew exactly what you were doing when you allowed the Chinese wall.
Mm.
I know this much, Mr.
Bash.
You never value what you have until it's gone.
Thanks for dropping the case.
I trusted you to make decisions for me all these years.
Maybe it's time you do that for yourself.
Come here.
You were good with Alex.
I'm good with anyone who flatters me.
Oh.
I think it's a little more than that.
You know having a kid could never make you ordinary.
Congratulations, team.
I commend your instinct about putting my dad on the stand.
Well, that's very high praise.
The Amazon does not stand a chance against you.
I'm going.
Look, Hanna, we both know the stress long distance can put on a relationship.
I can't ask you to put your life on hold for me.
-Alex -- -Just kidding.
Look, you're supersonic hot.
Can I call you in 15 years? Ah.
Oh, look at this.
Ohh.
See? Yes, yes.
-Yeah.
-Just feels like yes.
You know they're not clients, so it's fair game.
Nearly broke us up.
They could be cursed.
But it's your call.
Eh, what are my odds at getting another shot at a former Clippers cheerleader? Wait, wait.
Why do you get Amber? You wanted to send her to jail.
That was business.
Well, I'm fine with either.
Yeah, they will be, too.
We're win-win.
You know it.
Oh.
All right, you get one shot with the hottest twins on the planet.
Can they be conjoined? No, that's one person.
Twin twins.
Mm.