Gilligan's Island (1964) s01e07 Episode Script

1
["The ballad of gilligan's isle"]
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailing man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that day ♪
for a three hour tour ♪
a three hour tour ♪
[thunder rumbling]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground on the shore ♪
of this uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
and the rest ♪
are here on gilligan's isle ♪
[Exhaling]
- Mornin', Mary Ann.
- Good morning, skipper.
- How are you this morning?
- Just fine.
Know what I'd love for breakfast?
What?
Some nice, sauced scrambled eggs.
And a nice thick slice of tinned ham.
Oh, so would I.
But all we gonna get
is mackerel and sliced banana.
Mackerel and sliced banana!
- That sounds awful!
- Probably will be.
Come on, breakfast is ready.
Here you go.
Oh, that gilligan
never does anything right.
What did he do now?
Look at the way he washed this plate.
Looks clean to me.
Well, what's that spot here,
in the middle of it?
That's your breakfast.
You call that a banana?
No. I think that's the mackerel.
All the food is shriveling up like that.
The professor says
it's some kinda blight.
This could be serious.
Has he gotta cure for it?
I dunno. He's in the vegetable
garden making some tests.
Well, I better talk to him.
You want me to keep
the breakfast warm?
No, Mary Ann. Keep it
from blowing away.
These are the last of the seeds
from my healthy plants.
If we can keep the birds away
from them, we maybe alright.
What can we do about the birds?
Gilligan said he'd keep them away.
Gilligan said he'd keep 'em away
why doesn't he keep 'em away?
'I am, skipper.'
don't you know a
scarecrow when you see one?
[Cawing]
Hey it works. It worked,
skipper, it worked.
Not too much soup, now gilligan.
Don't worry skipper. Only
two spoonful's to a customer.
- Thanks, gilligan.
- Yeah.
Is this all I get, gilligan?
Sorry, ginger, but we're on strict rations.
Strict is right.
I didn't even get my lips wet.
Thurston ho well III in the soup line.
Been drummed out of the social register.
I'm sorry, but the blight has
destroyed our whole food supply.
The professor went to the
other side of the island
to look for some crops.
He's our only hope.
Mrs. Howell.
You mean this is the entire meal.
How about some napkins,
we have plenty of those.
Folks. Let's stop complaining
and face up to the facts.
We'll have to stay on these
rations for a while.
One string bean, one olive and
one cup of soup per person.
Skipper, can I have another olive?
I'm sorry, Mr. Howell,
one olive per person.
Mr. Howell, you can have my olive.
I already took yours.
Folks, we've got to cooperate
if we wanna avoid starvation.
Ginger, I'd give you $500 for your olive.
Oh, thurston, that's not fair.
You're right, dear. Make it a 1,000.
Well, imagine, a $1,000 for an olive.
Without a Martini.
Anybody want any more
string beans, we got three left.
Thurston, have some of those.
No, lovey. If I can't have another olive
I'm not gonna eat my string beans.
Please, I'm giving you all a warning.
We've got to stay on these
rations if we expect to survive.
Skipper, is it that bad?
Is it really that bad?
Gilligan, I.. Professor!
Professor, what about those crops?
- Did you find out anything?
- I certainly did.
Hey, looks like the blight
didn't hurt these raisins.
Gilligan, those raisins
happen to be watermelons.
[Rustling]
Gilligan.
Hey! Hey! How about this stuff?
Looks good enough to eat
and there's plenty of it.
Well, the professor says it's poisonous.
- You sure, professor?
- Well, I'm not positive.
Most of this species is highly toxic.
Couldn't one of us taste it to find out?
No, it's dangerous to take a chance.
- Even with me?
- Even with you, little buddy.
[Duck quacking]
What's that?
It's a wild duck, it's headed
straight for the lagoon.
Let's go.
Darn it!
[Quacking continues]
Look at him. What a beauty!
What a meal! Let's kill him.
Wait a minute, skipper.
Nobody's gonna eat that bird.
(Skipper) 'What're you talking about?'
(professor) 'He happens to be a
migratory duck from North America.'
and it's just possible,
he might rescue us.
It'll never work. He couldn't
even carry one of us.
Gilligan! I see what you mean, professor.
We'll tie a message to his leg, right?
Exactly.
Somebody will see the message
when he gets back to the states.
That duck's the best chance
to get off this island.
- Let's capture him.
- Wait a minute.
Best place is over here
by the reeds. Take it easy.
- Can't frighten him. No noise.
- Shh!
[Duck quacking]
Gilligan. Get over here.
[Quacking continues]
Sorry!
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Poor devil. The sun has finally
got him. He thinks he's a duck.
- Thurston, what can we do?
- Nothing.
He's safe as long as he doesn't try to fly.
Quack! Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack! Quack!
(Skipper) 'Quack! Quack!'
quack! Quack!
(Skipper) 'Quack! Quack!
Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!'
quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!
(Skipper) 'Quack!'
- quack! Quack!
- 'Quack! Quack!'
quack! Quack! Quack!
- Quack!
- Quack! Quack! Quack!
- Quack! Quack! Quack!
- Quack! Quack! Quack!
Gilligan!
Skipper, I'm
[duck quacking]
He's in the lagoon.
I made that decoy of an old shoe.
With feathers on 'em. How does it look?
Like an old shoe with feathers on 'em.
Very good looking.
I hope that duck is near sighted.
Excellent. It's getting closer.
[Duck quacking]
Look, it's working.
Your lucky. I think
the duck is near sighted.
It'd go for anything.
When he gets close, skipper. Grab him.
Take it easy now. Don't pull too hard.
I forgot. I had a hole in my shoe.
Forgot you had a hole
in your head. Quick.
- Get him before he flies away.
- I'll Wade in and get him.
We'll, try. But don't splash
around cause you'll
scare him off for sure.
Okay.
[Duck quacking]
Gilligan, bring him in here.
Bring him in here.
I will. As soon as he stops kissing me.
You can't tell me that
little buzzard is gonna fly
all the way back to the United States.
I refuse to believe it.
Wild ducks are known
to fly thousands of miles.
How long will it take him to get back?
Well, it's hard to say.
Two days, a week, maybe more.
- It's an unscheduled duck.
- What are you gonna name him?
I'm gonna name him
after my grandfather.
- What was his name?
- Everett.
That's right, gilligan.
Give him all he wants.
- Gotta build up his strength.
- But, whose gonna build ours?
I've heard a salt free diets,
but this is a food free one.
- I've lost five pounds.
- So have I.
But, I'm an actress.
If I lose any more weight
when I get back to Hollywood,
I'd be playing boy's parts.
If you're an actress, act that.
I still say we gotta eat the little beast.
You eat that duck and you eat
our chance to be rescued.
Besides, he's so cute,
how could you eat him?
Roasted, my dear, roasted.
[Duck quacking]
Well, I think Everett's had enough.
I'm gonna take him for a little walk.
Alright, gilligan.
But don't let him get away.
Gilligan, where's the duck?
[Duck quacking]
Say, he looks nice and strong now.
He sure is. He even
pulled me off my feet once.
- Wonderful gilligan.
- I got a message ready.
- Bring him down.
- Ah, okay.
[Duck quacking]
Well, gilligan, bring him down.
It's like you said, skipper.
He sure is a lot stronger.
Careful, gilligan. Don't hurt him.
Hurt him. Ha ha!
[Spring snapping]
Nice going, gilligan. Now what do we do?
Don't worry, skipper.
I know how to get him down.
Hey, Everett! Clear for landing!
[Mumbling]
[Duck quacking]
What did you wave him off for?
Didn't you see, he had not
to put his feet down.
Gilligan! Well, get him back in here.
- Aye, aye sir!
- Oh!
Everett!
Come on, Everett!
Hold him still, gilligan,
while I attach this message.
Okay. I'm sure gonna miss you, Everett.
Yes, every time we sit down at
the table, we'll miss you.
- All set.
- Oh, boy.
Okay, Everett, now.
And please be careful.
And remember. Glide a lot,
it's a long way.
Fly below the clouds,
don't go near the mountains
and for goodness sake's,
stay away from the airplanes.
And remember, if you meet
a cute little lady duck
along the way, business before pleasure.
Alright, gilligan, it's time.
Alright, Everett, good luck,
take off, and don't look back.
It's the only way to fly.
[Duck quacking]
- Go, go, go.
- Fly!
Carry the message, do it well.
[Duck quacking]
I think he's landing.
[Duck quacking]
Professor, why did he come back?
I don't know.
[Duck quacking] It's his dinner time.
[Duck quacking]
Here's a good place, Everett. Yeah, here.
We better stay here. I don't
like how they look at you.
We're not careful,
you're gonna be a dead duck.
[Duck quacking]
Oops, sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
But, if you don't learn to fly
and take that message
your goose is gonna be cooked.
[Duck quacking]
Did it again.
[Quacking continues]
I'm sorry. Sorry.
[Duck quacking]
Well, I'll be..
You're not an Everett, you're an Emily.
No wonder you couldn't fly.
You're top heavy.
Oh, you're bottom heavy.
I bet you can fly now.
Come on, we'll tell the others.
Some of them didn't even finish the stew.
It's pretty hard to stare at
a nice plump duck and eat this.
That duck might be able
to save our necks.
I say, he's fit for frying, not for flying.
(Gilligan) 'Skipper, skipper.'
skipper, skipper, he's a she,
he's a she, and he can fly now.
I mean, she can fly now.
Calm down. What are you telling us?
I'm telling you, Everett's name is Emily.
And no wonder she couldn't fly
in the condition she was in, eh?
Skipper, she can fly. She really
can, skipper, she can.
Oh, gilligan, maybe he
had something there.
Let's find out. I'll put
the message back on his leg.
- Yeah, her leg.
- Oh, sorry, gilligan, her leg.
Now, maybe we can see if he'll fly.
- She, skipper.
- Okay, she!
- All set.
- Yeah.
Come on, Emily.
- Watch him go.
- Her, gilligan.
Oh, yeah, okay, Emily.
Fly!
[Duck quacking]
Fly!
It's no use, gilligan.
That duck's not going
anywhere but in a pot.
Oh-ho.
Come on, Emily. Our lives depend on it.
Fly!
Fly, fly, fly, fly!
[Duck quacking]
No, I'm not gonna let you,
let you do it, no.
You can't have her.
Emily, you'll get a fair trial
'cause I'm here to protect you.
They don't call me
marshal gilligan for nothing.
[Duck quacking]
Let's go.
The minute I see that gilligan,
I'm gonna fill him full of gold.
Don't you mean lead?
Oh, ho well use lead? He-ha,
such a vulgar metal.
[Duck quacking]
Yeah, that will never get him a lead.
(Gilligan) 'Skipper!'
yes, sir, Mr. Gilligan.
I just cleaned up the floor
and I don't know
what somebody dragged in there, but
skipper!
I'm goin' out there
to stop that lynch mob.
- You stay here and guard Emily.
- Yes, sir, Mr. Gilligan.
Just a minute.
So, can't even trust my own deputy.
You're plannin' on eatin' that
duck yourself, weren't you?
Well, speak up! You must have
something to say for yourself.
Mr. Gilligan, I'm hungry.
Haven't you given any
thought about that badge?
Hold on just a minute, I ain't that hungry.
Skipper, little fellow, turn in your star.
[Winces in pain]
[Duck quacking]
Don't worry, Emily,
I'm here to protect you.
- Hi, there, marshal.
- Howdy, miss ginger.
Was just goin' to fix that lynch mob.
That's the spirit, gilligan.
- Let's drink to that.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I got no time to drink.
I've gotta guard my duck.
Just one little drink?
Sorry, but, that's marshals,
duty comes first.
Just a Teenie-weenie little-o drink?
Well, maybe just one
Teenie-weenie little-o drink.
Just one Teenie-weenie little-o drink.
One Teenie-weenie little-o drink.
You're right.
I know what're you up to.
Get me drunk,
steal my key, open the cell
and cook yourself a roast duck
dinner right in my office?
Just for the two of us, marshal.
We'll have a little candle light supper.
Just you and me And that roast duck.
What do you say?
I can't.
When the mayor pinned this
badge on my chest
I made him two sacred promises.
What promises?
First off, I wouldn't drink
when I was on duty.
Oh, forget the drink, marshal.
You don't have to drink
to have a good time.
What was your second promise?
Never to have a good time.
[Door shuts]
Wish I had never made
that second promise.
Gilligan, the lynch mob
is comin', the lynch mob.
I'm ready for them.
Emily, Emily, they're com in.
Come on, girl, get outta there.
I'm not gonna take a chance.
If anything happens to me
I know you'll be safe. Open the door.
- Here you go, girl.
- You can't go through with it.
I got to, ma'am. I didn't mind when they
shot the mayor and burnt the school.
But nobody gets away
with trying to eat my duck.
But, think about future
gilligan, you might be killed.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mary Ann. But, that duck
is bigger than both of us.
Well, no wonder, the way
you've been feeding her.
Buenos dios, marshal gilligan.
Howdy, senora ho well.
Two men are coming.
I came over to help you.
Help me?
I'm in sympathy with your cause
and I brought you
a simply marvelous gun
with which you can defend your duck.
Senora, isn't your husband
the leader of lynch mob?
Ah, yes, I do believe he is.
Then what do we have here?
Mamasita howell's famous duck gravy.
I always carry a pint of it with me.
There he is.
[Soft dramatic music]
Let's go get him.
[Door shuts]
(Gilligan) 'Stop right there.'
We want that duck.
That duck is mine.
And we want to eat him.
Come on, gilligan, give him up.
Never.
Alright, boys, let him have it.
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots continue]
Missed me.
- Oww.
- Dit.
[Both screaming]
That'll teach you
to keep away from my duck.
Gilligan, you were wonderful.
Shucks, it's quiet nothin',
justice has triumphed.
Yahoo!
[Gunshot]
Miss Mary Ann.. [Duck falls]
Oh, no Emily!
Ah, no.
No, no, no, no.
Gilligan, gilligan, wake up, little buddy.
No, you can't have her.
Gilligan, will you wake up?
You're having a nightmare.
Oh, hi, skipper. What do you want?
Little buddy, I-I came after the duck.
Oh, no, skipper, no, skipper, no.
Let's face the facts little buddy.
That duck's not gonna fly any place
and we all can't starve.
I'm starving, I gotta have that duck.
No, skipper, skipper.
If it has to be done, I'd rather do it.
Alright, little buddy. But you'll need this.
[Duck quacking]
No, I can't do it. Might as
well admit, I'm a coward.
One of us has to be strong,
so it's unto you, Emily.
When I turn my back,
throw yourself at that axe.
But, that was the only thing we could do.
She ate our food, she wouldn't
fly, what good was she to us?
We gave her every chance.
(Gilligan) 'Come and get it.'
ha, it maybe a little tough,
but, I know you'll love it.
Well, let's dig in. Ginger,
you want a drumstick or a wing?
I think I'd rather have the message.
Which part do you like best, skipper?
Oh, please, just let the other's go first.
What's wrong?
(Gilligan) 'Oh, we shouldn't feel bad.'
Emily took it like a man.
But nobody's hungry.
I'll just take it back to the kitchen.
[Duck quacking]
What's that?
I think, a seagull with a cold.
- Sound's like a duck to me.
- No.
- I'm sorry, skipper.
- Gilligan!
I tried, skipper. Honestly,
I really did. You understand.
I couldn't feel better about it,
little buddy. Where is she?
Oh, she's in the clearing.
Well, let's go to the clearing.
[Duck quacking]
She's eating those poisonous plants.
We may eat the duck after all.
Emily, stop, don't eat those.
[Duck quacking]
Oh, Emily, here.
I think we're too late.
Put her back down
on the ground, we'll see.
Here.
[Duck quacking] Oh!
She's okay, she's okay.
Then we are saved,
those plants aren't poisonous.
Hooray, well, we eat tonight.
Start picking up plants.
You were real brave to eat those plants.
You may be a duck, but,
you sure aren't chicken.
- Gilligan, I hope you're right.
- I am positive.
Without the string around her,
she'd fly straight as an arrow.
Well, okay then, let's let her go.
Okay, Emily, now, if you get
any trouble, bail out.
Ready, set, go.
[Duck quacking]
[Cheering]
Oh, I can almost smell hunting ton wine.
Whoever gets that message,
better hurry.
Message?
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone, no lights, no motor
car, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from seven stranded castaways
here on gilligan's isle ♪