Haha, You Clowns (2025) s01e07 Episode Script
Hot Tub
1
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-("ALL SHOOK UP"
BY ELVIS PRESLEY PLAYING) ♪
Her lips are like
A volcano that's hot ♪
I'm about to say ♪
That she's
My buttercup of love ♪
Oh, yeah ♪
Oh, oh, yeah ♪
-(APPLAUSE)
-PRESTON: (CHUCKLES) Nice, Pat!
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS
HARMONIZING) ♪
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
-(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
-(APPLAUSE)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
So, what did you think
of today's show, Ma?
Wasn't as tight
as last week, but
we-- we'll get there.
Practice makes perfect.
Says the guy
who scoffs a roast beef melt
-during band practice.
-(CHUCKLING)
At least I remember the lyrics.
Well, there's not much incentive
to learn lyrics
when you guys are always
making me sing backup.
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLING)
-(SNAPS FINGERS)
-(CHUCKLING STOPS)
Hey, Ma, real quick.
The buyers want
to move forward on the house,
but we got to get rid
of the old hot tub.
Whoa, get rid of Nana's hot tub?
It's pretty old.
I don't think
she's used it in years.
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is a bit awkward.
Um, Nana, I vaguely remember
you telling us
-that we'd get the sauna.
-Yeah.
I never said that.
Um, I'm pretty sure you did.
We were all standing
in the kitchen.
Tristan was doing
a Sammy Davis Jr. impression.
You told us about Palm Springs.
Hey, you were in a hot tub
with Sammy Davis Jr., correct?
I mean, fellas, please, tell me
if I'm off my rocker here.
No, yeah, Nana definitely said
we could have her hot tub.
Okay, because I was like,
am I getting Alzheimer's?
-(PRESTON CHUCKLES)
-Hey, come on, Preston.
It's just that all of our lives,
we were led
to believe one thing.
And then just like that
the rug's ripped out
from underneath our feet.
It's funny.
The older I get,
the less I believe in anything.
Uh, a hot tub is
a breeding ground for bacteria
if it's not taken care of
properly.
You promise
to keep that thing clean?
Scout's honor, Dad.
All right, then.
PRESTON:
Yes! We're getting a hot tub!
But you gotta keep
that thing clean, boys.
Hey, Nana,
you're the cat's meow.
(TRISTAN, DUNCAN CHUCKLING)
DUNCAN: So good.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-PRESTON: You good. Keep going.
-(REVERSING TRUCK BEEPING)
How are we looking on that side?
Oh, we got plenty of room
over here.
Plenty of room.
(PAIL CLATTERS)
Uh
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLING)
-(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLE)
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC TURNS ETHEREAL) ♪
One small step for man,
one giant leap
for the Campbell family.
Oh, my God.
You guys, you have to try this.
Oh! This is amazing.
TRISTAN: This feels incredible.
And I think the steam is
loosening up my vocal cords.
-(VOCALIZES)
-(ALL THREE HARMONIZING)
There it is.
Okay, what are we feeling, boys?
What's the vibe?
Um, let me see green again.
Okay, one sec.
Oh, my God.
Did you know Nana's
hot tub has an aux port?
Aux port?
TRISTAN: Where?
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(ALL THREE CHUCKLING)
-Well, yeah.
-Appreciate you.
-Yeah, well, yeah.
I think if I have children,
I'm leaning
towards circumcising.
What about you guys?
Duncan, what's wrong?
(QUAVERING) I'm just so happy.
I just love you guys so much.
(WATER SPLATTERING)
-And we love you, Duncan.
-(SPLATTERING)
I'm sorry I've been so hard
on you guys
during band practice.
No, I should have been making
band practice a priority,
not roast beef melt.
Oh, this hot tub's got me
in the feels.
Okay, let's change the mood
in here, shall we?
(TRISTAN, DUNCAN CHUCKLE)
You know, I want our sons
to share moments like these.
Then let's make
an oath tonight, guys.
The hot tub stays
in our family forever.
To the best goddamn night
of our entire lives.
And to many more to come!
(ALL CHUCKLING)
PRESTON: Oh, goddamn it.
A beautiful night sky
to top it all off.
I mean, look at that.
-TRISTAN: Oh, wow.
-DUNCAN: Did you see that?
PRESTON:
Hot tub. Final frontier.
(ALL THREE CHUCKLING)
(CHIRPING)
(COUGHING)
(IN A RASPY VOICE)
Good morning, fellas.
(COUGHING)
-Oh, yeah, there he is.
-(COUGHS)
I think the hot tub really
loosened up something.
Hey, boys, how was the hot tub?
-ALL THREE: Great.
-(MR. CAMPBELL LAUGHS)
Judging from how late
you boys slept, I'd imagine so.
(BOTH COUGHING)
(MR. CAMPBELL HUMMING)
Gonna have to try out
that hot tub myself.
(MUFFLED INTENSIFIED COUGHS)
Wow, I want to hear all about it
when I get back home.
Don't forget your show
at Maple Hills is in an hour.
-All right, love you, boys.
-PRESTON: Love you, Dad.
-Love you.
-Love you.
-(DOOR CLOSES)
-(ALL THREE COUGHING)
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-("ALL SHOOK UP"
BY ELVIS PRESLEY PLAYING) ♪
(ALL IN GRAVELLY VOICE)
I'm proud to say
That you're my buttercup ♪
Of love ♪
(COUGHS)
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS HUMMING)
Oh, yeah ♪
(COUGHS)
Ooh, yay-- ♪
(COUGHS)
Give it up
for my super talented brothers.
(COUGHS) You're my rocks.
I love you, Preston.
I love you, Preston.
Can y'all hear us back there?
-(COUGHING)
-Oh.
I still need a little bit
more vocals in my monitor.
The bass is taking away
from the vocals.
Hey, y'all need
any help back there?
(COUGHS)
Any requests?
Mary, you want
to hear something, sweetheart?
-"Speedy Lamborghini." (COUGHS)
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(RESIDENTS MUTTERING)
"Speedy (COUGHS)
Lamborghini."
By the Four Squirrels?
How about we slow
this next one down, Pat?
Speedy!
RESIDENTS: (CHANTING)
Speedy! Speedy!
(CHANTING)
Speedy! Speedy! Speedy!
(CHANTING) Speedy! Speedy!
(LIVELY MUSIC STARTS) ♪
SQUIRREL 1: Okay, gentlemen,
start your engines.
One, two
(VOCALIZING)
(ALL THREE COUGHING VIOLENTLY)
-(COUGHING CONTINUES)
-(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(BEEP)
DUNCAN: Ooh.
I needed this.
Soaking with my boys.
(STRAINED INHALING)
(MR. CAMPBELL CHUCKLES)
Hey, room for one more?
Ooh-wee, you boys weren't lying.
This feels fantastic.
Ooh, I needed this.
Work has been
something else lately.
I don't know if it's
because we've got new sponsors
or what, but it feels
like I've been putting out fires
left and right. (DEMONIC SCREAM)
Speaking of, let me
(MR. CAMPBELL
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
I tell you, I've been working
this job for 17 years now,
and I've never seen
anything like this before.
I mean, you saw me this morning,
and I had
(FATHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(DOWNBEAT JAZZ
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You ladies are the cat's meow.
Oooh.
You should come by my room
after the show.
It's going
to be a swinging time.
(SAMMY DAVIS JR. LAUGHS)
(BELL TOLLS)
(DISCONCERTING MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(GATE SQUEAKS, CLICKS)
(MUFFLED "ALL SHOOK UP"
BY ELVIS PRESLEY PLAYING) ♪
SQUIRREL 1:
One, two. One, two, thee four!
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS
VOCALIZING) ♪
-(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
-(APPLAUSE)
(CHUCKLES)
Okay, back to work, people.
When's your next concert?
4:00 p.m. Don't be late.
Great, I can catch the encore.
CAMPBELL BROTHERS: Dad!
I thought
you boys would be hungry.
I'm famished.
They got us on liquids, Dad.
Wow, I'll make sure
to have the fridge stocked
when we get back home.
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLE)
You know,
you gave us all quite a scare.
The boys and I have already made
cards for Miguel and Raul.
That's great, boys, but--
And we promise to scrub
the hell out of that hot tub
the moment we get home, Dad.
Every nook and cranny, Dad.
-Boys--
-It will be different this time.
MR. CAMPBELL: Listen.
The doctor told me
you were feeling symptoms
after the first night.
What made you boys think
it was a good idea
to get back in the hot tub?
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
That's the million-dollar
question, isn't it?
You just had
to have been there, Dad.
I've never felt closer
to my brothers
-than in that hot tub.
-He's not lying, Dad.
I felt it too.
(SIGHS)
I know how excited you boys were
to have your very own hot tub.
But sometimes, when you love
something so badly,
it's hard to see its flaws.
I had Miguel test the water.
It's a miracle
you boys are even alive.
I've already lost your mother.
(SNIFFLES)
I can't go through that again
with you boys. (SOBS)
Oh, goddamn it.
Dad, it's gonna be okay.
Because today,
I promise to start
making healthier choices
(BED WHIRRING)
from here on out.
-(BED WHIRRS, CLICKS)
-The same goes for me, Dad.
-(BED WHIRRS, CLICKS)
-Me, three.
(SIGHS) So, I'm afraid to ask.
I got rid of the hot tub.
But I want
to show you boys something.
PRESTON:
Yeah, I think I read somewhere
that a baby's penis
actually doesn't have
-that many nerve endings.
-TRISTAN: Huh?
PRESTON: Yeah, that actually
makes a lot of sense.
TRISTAN:
All right, you convinced me.
I'll circumcise my boy's penis.
Wait, you mean to tell me
you recorded that entire night?
All three hours and 50 minutes.
Now you boys can relive
the magic of the hot tub
whenever you please.
TRISTAN: A circumcised penis
is a cat's meow.
-(LAUGHTER FROM FOOTAGE)
-(CAMPBELL BROTHERS LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLES)
I don't even want to know.
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC
CONTINUES) ♪
-Hey, Dad?
-Yeah?
Love you.
I love you, boys. (KISSES)
(ALL KISS)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-("ALL SHOOK UP"
BY ELVIS PRESLEY PLAYING) ♪
Her lips are like
A volcano that's hot ♪
I'm about to say ♪
That she's
My buttercup of love ♪
Oh, yeah ♪
Oh, oh, yeah ♪
-(APPLAUSE)
-PRESTON: (CHUCKLES) Nice, Pat!
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS
HARMONIZING) ♪
(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
-(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
-(APPLAUSE)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
So, what did you think
of today's show, Ma?
Wasn't as tight
as last week, but
we-- we'll get there.
Practice makes perfect.
Says the guy
who scoffs a roast beef melt
-during band practice.
-(CHUCKLING)
At least I remember the lyrics.
Well, there's not much incentive
to learn lyrics
when you guys are always
making me sing backup.
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLING)
-(SNAPS FINGERS)
-(CHUCKLING STOPS)
Hey, Ma, real quick.
The buyers want
to move forward on the house,
but we got to get rid
of the old hot tub.
Whoa, get rid of Nana's hot tub?
It's pretty old.
I don't think
she's used it in years.
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is a bit awkward.
Um, Nana, I vaguely remember
you telling us
-that we'd get the sauna.
-Yeah.
I never said that.
Um, I'm pretty sure you did.
We were all standing
in the kitchen.
Tristan was doing
a Sammy Davis Jr. impression.
You told us about Palm Springs.
Hey, you were in a hot tub
with Sammy Davis Jr., correct?
I mean, fellas, please, tell me
if I'm off my rocker here.
No, yeah, Nana definitely said
we could have her hot tub.
Okay, because I was like,
am I getting Alzheimer's?
-(PRESTON CHUCKLES)
-Hey, come on, Preston.
It's just that all of our lives,
we were led
to believe one thing.
And then just like that
the rug's ripped out
from underneath our feet.
It's funny.
The older I get,
the less I believe in anything.
Uh, a hot tub is
a breeding ground for bacteria
if it's not taken care of
properly.
You promise
to keep that thing clean?
Scout's honor, Dad.
All right, then.
PRESTON:
Yes! We're getting a hot tub!
But you gotta keep
that thing clean, boys.
Hey, Nana,
you're the cat's meow.
(TRISTAN, DUNCAN CHUCKLING)
DUNCAN: So good.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-PRESTON: You good. Keep going.
-(REVERSING TRUCK BEEPING)
How are we looking on that side?
Oh, we got plenty of room
over here.
Plenty of room.
(PAIL CLATTERS)
Uh
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLING)
-(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLE)
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC TURNS ETHEREAL) ♪
One small step for man,
one giant leap
for the Campbell family.
Oh, my God.
You guys, you have to try this.
Oh! This is amazing.
TRISTAN: This feels incredible.
And I think the steam is
loosening up my vocal cords.
-(VOCALIZES)
-(ALL THREE HARMONIZING)
There it is.
Okay, what are we feeling, boys?
What's the vibe?
Um, let me see green again.
Okay, one sec.
Oh, my God.
Did you know Nana's
hot tub has an aux port?
Aux port?
TRISTAN: Where?
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(ALL THREE CHUCKLING)
-Well, yeah.
-Appreciate you.
-Yeah, well, yeah.
I think if I have children,
I'm leaning
towards circumcising.
What about you guys?
Duncan, what's wrong?
(QUAVERING) I'm just so happy.
I just love you guys so much.
(WATER SPLATTERING)
-And we love you, Duncan.
-(SPLATTERING)
I'm sorry I've been so hard
on you guys
during band practice.
No, I should have been making
band practice a priority,
not roast beef melt.
Oh, this hot tub's got me
in the feels.
Okay, let's change the mood
in here, shall we?
(TRISTAN, DUNCAN CHUCKLE)
You know, I want our sons
to share moments like these.
Then let's make
an oath tonight, guys.
The hot tub stays
in our family forever.
To the best goddamn night
of our entire lives.
And to many more to come!
(ALL CHUCKLING)
PRESTON: Oh, goddamn it.
A beautiful night sky
to top it all off.
I mean, look at that.
-TRISTAN: Oh, wow.
-DUNCAN: Did you see that?
PRESTON:
Hot tub. Final frontier.
(ALL THREE CHUCKLING)
(CHIRPING)
(COUGHING)
(IN A RASPY VOICE)
Good morning, fellas.
(COUGHING)
-Oh, yeah, there he is.
-(COUGHS)
I think the hot tub really
loosened up something.
Hey, boys, how was the hot tub?
-ALL THREE: Great.
-(MR. CAMPBELL LAUGHS)
Judging from how late
you boys slept, I'd imagine so.
(BOTH COUGHING)
(MR. CAMPBELL HUMMING)
Gonna have to try out
that hot tub myself.
(MUFFLED INTENSIFIED COUGHS)
Wow, I want to hear all about it
when I get back home.
Don't forget your show
at Maple Hills is in an hour.
-All right, love you, boys.
-PRESTON: Love you, Dad.
-Love you.
-Love you.
-(DOOR CLOSES)
-(ALL THREE COUGHING)
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-("ALL SHOOK UP"
BY ELVIS PRESLEY PLAYING) ♪
(ALL IN GRAVELLY VOICE)
I'm proud to say
That you're my buttercup ♪
Of love ♪
(COUGHS)
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS HUMMING)
Oh, yeah ♪
(COUGHS)
Ooh, yay-- ♪
(COUGHS)
Give it up
for my super talented brothers.
(COUGHS) You're my rocks.
I love you, Preston.
I love you, Preston.
Can y'all hear us back there?
-(COUGHING)
-Oh.
I still need a little bit
more vocals in my monitor.
The bass is taking away
from the vocals.
Hey, y'all need
any help back there?
(COUGHS)
Any requests?
Mary, you want
to hear something, sweetheart?
-"Speedy Lamborghini." (COUGHS)
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(RESIDENTS MUTTERING)
"Speedy (COUGHS)
Lamborghini."
By the Four Squirrels?
How about we slow
this next one down, Pat?
Speedy!
RESIDENTS: (CHANTING)
Speedy! Speedy!
(CHANTING)
Speedy! Speedy! Speedy!
(CHANTING) Speedy! Speedy!
(LIVELY MUSIC STARTS) ♪
SQUIRREL 1: Okay, gentlemen,
start your engines.
One, two
(VOCALIZING)
(ALL THREE COUGHING VIOLENTLY)
-(COUGHING CONTINUES)
-(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(BEEP)
DUNCAN: Ooh.
I needed this.
Soaking with my boys.
(STRAINED INHALING)
(MR. CAMPBELL CHUCKLES)
Hey, room for one more?
Ooh-wee, you boys weren't lying.
This feels fantastic.
Ooh, I needed this.
Work has been
something else lately.
I don't know if it's
because we've got new sponsors
or what, but it feels
like I've been putting out fires
left and right. (DEMONIC SCREAM)
Speaking of, let me
(MR. CAMPBELL
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
I tell you, I've been working
this job for 17 years now,
and I've never seen
anything like this before.
I mean, you saw me this morning,
and I had
(FATHER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(DOWNBEAT JAZZ
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You ladies are the cat's meow.
Oooh.
You should come by my room
after the show.
It's going
to be a swinging time.
(SAMMY DAVIS JR. LAUGHS)
(BELL TOLLS)
(DISCONCERTING MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(GATE SQUEAKS, CLICKS)
(MUFFLED "ALL SHOOK UP"
BY ELVIS PRESLEY PLAYING) ♪
SQUIRREL 1:
One, two. One, two, thee four!
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS
VOCALIZING) ♪
-(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
-(APPLAUSE)
(CHUCKLES)
Okay, back to work, people.
When's your next concert?
4:00 p.m. Don't be late.
Great, I can catch the encore.
CAMPBELL BROTHERS: Dad!
I thought
you boys would be hungry.
I'm famished.
They got us on liquids, Dad.
Wow, I'll make sure
to have the fridge stocked
when we get back home.
(CAMPBELL BROTHERS CHUCKLE)
You know,
you gave us all quite a scare.
The boys and I have already made
cards for Miguel and Raul.
That's great, boys, but--
And we promise to scrub
the hell out of that hot tub
the moment we get home, Dad.
Every nook and cranny, Dad.
-Boys--
-It will be different this time.
MR. CAMPBELL: Listen.
The doctor told me
you were feeling symptoms
after the first night.
What made you boys think
it was a good idea
to get back in the hot tub?
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
That's the million-dollar
question, isn't it?
You just had
to have been there, Dad.
I've never felt closer
to my brothers
-than in that hot tub.
-He's not lying, Dad.
I felt it too.
(SIGHS)
I know how excited you boys were
to have your very own hot tub.
But sometimes, when you love
something so badly,
it's hard to see its flaws.
I had Miguel test the water.
It's a miracle
you boys are even alive.
I've already lost your mother.
(SNIFFLES)
I can't go through that again
with you boys. (SOBS)
Oh, goddamn it.
Dad, it's gonna be okay.
Because today,
I promise to start
making healthier choices
(BED WHIRRING)
from here on out.
-(BED WHIRRS, CLICKS)
-The same goes for me, Dad.
-(BED WHIRRS, CLICKS)
-Me, three.
(SIGHS) So, I'm afraid to ask.
I got rid of the hot tub.
But I want
to show you boys something.
PRESTON:
Yeah, I think I read somewhere
that a baby's penis
actually doesn't have
-that many nerve endings.
-TRISTAN: Huh?
PRESTON: Yeah, that actually
makes a lot of sense.
TRISTAN:
All right, you convinced me.
I'll circumcise my boy's penis.
Wait, you mean to tell me
you recorded that entire night?
All three hours and 50 minutes.
Now you boys can relive
the magic of the hot tub
whenever you please.
TRISTAN: A circumcised penis
is a cat's meow.
-(LAUGHTER FROM FOOTAGE)
-(CAMPBELL BROTHERS LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLES)
I don't even want to know.
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC
CONTINUES) ♪
-Hey, Dad?
-Yeah?
Love you.
I love you, boys. (KISSES)
(ALL KISS)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪