Hollywood Arts (2026) s01e07 Episode Script

1
So I break down the walls that I made ♪
Won't hold back, I'm here to stay ♪
[upbeat music playing]
[school bell ringing]
Nobody take one more step!
- What is happening?
- Why are you here so early?
I'm not early, I'm on time.
For you, that is early.
Nobody put their bags down!
- What about their cellos?
- No!
"Why, Trina?"
Because I'm taking you guys
on a field trip.
- Yes! I love fields.
- Not that kind of field, Pepper.
We're going to a… Drumroll!
[drumroll]
- …cattle call!
- No!
Why "no"? I love farms.
Not that kind of cattle, Pepper.
So what's a cattle call?
Oh my God, Emmy. You really don't know
anything about the industry, do you?
Oh.
You know, people could just explain
things to me without insulting me.
A cattle call, little sister,
is an open audition
that anyone with a pulse
and a headshot can go to.
You don't even need an agent. [whimpers]
It's always at some sketchy hotel
in the valley.
This one's at the Dramata in Northridge!
[students] Northridge!
We will pass, thank you.
Uh, we will not refer to us
as "we," thank you.
[scoffs] Emmy, as your brother,
your mentor, and your acting coach…
You are exactly one of those things.
…I must insist you not go
to this cattle call.
Oh! I see what's going on here.
You're scared that if I go
to this cattle call,
I'm gonna book a part over you.
Objection, Your Honor!
False narrative and slander.
Overruled?
Guys, you're really sucking the air
out of my big teaching plan.
And I didn't say any of you
had a choice about going,
so can we please go back to being excited?
[all] Northridge!
[whooping]
-Cattle call! Cattle call!
- Cattle call! Oh, I'm so sorry!
[upbeat musical transition]
Your first cattle call!
Breathe it in!
[all inhale deeply]
[all gagging]
What is that smell?
That's opportunity!
Nah, I'm pretty sure it's that guy
over there eating hot fish.
[squelching]
Oh! Hey, Tony!
Vega!
You know it's gonna be a good cattle call
when you got Tony over there
eating his hot fish.
What are you gonna do for your audition?
Oh, I'm gonna sing "Burn" from Hamilton.
- I guess I'll play my cello.
- I'm gonna freestyle.
- I'm gonna do a few characters.
- Okay, so no.
This is a cattle call. Some weirdo's
gonna come up to you with a piece of paper
with some words and you're gonna say it.
- [man] Okay…
- [Trina] Oh!
Speak of the weirdo.
Hey, Randy.
Oh, Trina, honey.
Haven't seen you in a while.
Anyways, here's your sides.
Break a leg, kiddos.
Wait, all I get to say is, "Mm, pretzels"?
You're kidding!
Usually it's only one word!
Emmy! Emmy!
Oh! [chuckles]
There you are, thank God.
Are you worried that your little sister
already waltzed in there and got the part?
Pfft! No! Just wanted
to help out with these chairs.
You didn't, did you?
I'll help you.
Come on.
- Dude, you doing okay?
- Why? What's wrong? Nothing. What?
Alright. [sighs]
Triangle of truth.
- [Oscar sighs]
- [clatters]
[harmonizing] Ah! ♪
Are you seriously this threatened
by Emmy getting a part over you?
No! Well, maybe a smidge,
but that's not what this is about.
- Then what is it?
- It's nothing.
Oscar.
- The triangle.
- [sighs]
I just… had a really bad experience
at a cattle call a long time ago.
I don't wanna talk about it, but I have
to keep an eye on my sister today.
Hmm. Respect.
[in unison]
The truth has been triangulated.
[harmonizing] Ah! ♪
Wait, I'm confused.
Why do we even need chairs?
Honey, she's old.
Her legs don't work like ours.
Oh, did I not mention
how long cattle call lines are?
We can see it. It ends right there.
Oh, you think the line ends there?
This is the lobby.
Around the corner is the ballroom,
then the second ballroom,
then you're halfway there.
I can't lug my cello through all that!
How long are we gonna be in this line for?
Eight hours?
[all] Eight hours?
[camera clicks]
You look just like me when I found out
how long cattle call lines are.
Okay, I'm not saying
I always have a lesson in store,
or even sometimes,
but this time, I actually do.
[ballad plays over headphones]
Okay, are we really gonna be
in this line for eight hours?
If you're lucky. I mean, could be ten.
Ugh!
I have auditions for the Hollywood Arts
Sketch Comedy Group tomorrow.
I should be working on funny characters,
not standing in line saying,
"Mm! Pretzels!"
You want to be an actor?
Then you gotta get used
to stuff like this.
Trust me, there's a lot
you can learn here.
That's right, Emmy.
And as your acting coach…
- Simply not the case.
- …I'll be with you every step of the way,
offering my guidance and protection.
Won't be needing those.
- I'm gonna go get some snacks.
- I'm gonna roll with Qwest.
- No!
- Oh!
I-I mean, stay. [clears throat]
I can help you memorize your lines.
It's two words,
and one of them is "mm."
Yes, but you're new at this.
You don't understand how important
one and a half words can be.
- Fine.
- Great!
- Great.
- [Oscar clears throat]
Let's start with…
"Mm, pretzels," maybe?
- [phone chimes]
- Oh, whoops!
[gasps] Looks like I am live streaming.
[chuckles]
What's up, chat? Hope you enjoyed
that view from my pocket. [laughs]
Wow, there's a lot of you here. [gasps]
You all want to hear me play my cello?
- [phone chiming]
- Overwhelmingly no.
Oh, Steve, I can't with you right now.
I think the real problem is,
you can't with yourself, Miwanda.
Ugh!
Ooh, chat! Looks like we caught ourselves
some drama in the wild.
- [snickers] Let's listen.
- Well, maybe if I had a ring on my finger,
we wouldn't be getting
into this fight right now.
Oh, oh, okay, the deets are coming out.
Mm, pretzels.
Mm! Pretzels! [fake laugh]
Mm! Pretzels! I hate this!
Trina, Trina, Bo-bina! ♪
Patsy!
Banana Fanna fo-fina! ♪
Patsy!
Oh, I know how this ends, and I love it!
But you know who hasn't heard it yet?
My wonderful student Jen here.
Jen, Jen, bo-ben ♪
- I don't like this.
- Oh, you'll learn to love it.
Did I ever tell you
about the time a gorilla took me
to the top of the Empire State Building?
- We literally just met.
- Then I'll start at the beginning.
When I was born, the doctor said,
"What is that?"
[Jen Z whimpers]
Mm. Pretzels.
[sighs] Ooh!
Well, the pretzels look good
But so do the gummies! ♪
Whatever I get's going
Straight to my tummy! ♪
But first I gotta give
This machine my money! ♪
It doesn't take credit cards.
Okay, Pear Pay it is then.
Doesn't take Pear Pay either.
Okay, then what does it take…
to get you to tell me your name?
Buy me some chips and I'll tell you.
But with cash, 'cause that's all it takes.
Cash?
What is this, the '90s?
Thanks, uh…
Nice try.
[soft chuckle]
- [chiptune music plays]
- [Trina grunting]
Mm, pretzels.
"Etz." Be sure to hit the "etz." "Etz."
Say "etz" one more time, I dare you!
Maybe it's time for a break. We should
probably lay down ground rules anyway.
If you and I get separated, we should have
an emergency word to yell out.
What?
"What" is a terrible emergency word.
I hereby declare the emergency word
to be "potato."
I would rather eat Tony's hot fish
than say "potato."
Ayo, chat babies.
Steve is fighting for his life here.
Baby, baby, how about this?
If I book this commercial,
I am gonna get you
the biggest ring in all of Northridge.
And I'ma take you out for clams.
Real clams this time?
Chat, they're making up!
Aww.
[phone chiming]
Wait.
You guys wanna keep the fight going?
[phone chiming excitedly]
[scoffs] I don't know. That feels wrong.
- [whooshing]
- Wait, don't leave! I'll break 'em up.
Hi, sorry. Did I overhear you saying
you were gonna propose
if you got this commercial?
- Yeah.
- Aww.
- And he's getting me real clams too.
- Yeah. [laughs]
[giggles]
Oh! That is real sweet.
And I'm sure it's the first time
he's made a promise like that.
Hey, nosy Nellie,
why don't you mind your own business?
Oh my God, she's right!
[Steve] You're gonna listen
to an eavesdropping Evelyn?
- Well, she clearly…
- Chat, tell your friends.
We are so back.
And that is when I turned seven.
And that is when we moved to Milwaukee.
The end.
Oh, not even close.
It was around that time
that I started to notice
that my tooth was kinda…
dead.
Listen, I have this sketch comedy audition
tomorrow I should get ready for.
I hate to leave you alone,
but I'm just gonna…
I won't be alone for long.
My nephew is meeting me here.
Well, then you can tell him
all about your dead tooth. Bye-bye now.
He's a filmmaker.
Patsy. [giggles] As your newest friend,
I am just devastated to hear
about the passing of your tooth.
Tell me more.
Well, it's just a…
To make it in Hollywood,
you have to make sacrifices.
Driving around town for auditions,
long hours of rehearsals,
smelling some lady's dead tooth.
I cooked this up last night. Check it out.
[funky beats playing]
Then I add some hi-hats.
A little funky guitar.
Then I add some strings.
[string music playing]
Okay, that's pretty good.
- And you freestyle over this?
- Oh, yeah. Check it out, look.
[funky music playing]
One day my beats will get me ♪
A little bit of fame! ♪
But now it's e-enough
To get a cute girl's name! ♪
I still don't have my chips.
Oh, man.
I wanna buy something salty
For someone to eat! ♪
But I got no cash ♪
So my bars better eat, eat, eat! ♪
Wait, no, I'm not doing this for money…
Chips, was it?
Ladies and gentlemen ♪
Prepare to rally ♪
I'm spitting hot verses
In the San Fernando Valley! ♪
Emmy? Emmy? Potato!
[Oscar gasps]
Where were you? I was worried sick.
I was tying my shoe.
Oscar, I say this with no due respect…
You have gone completely nutty!
What is going on with you?
Emmy, you don't understand. I…
Nothing.
Okay, well, you keep doing nothing,
and I'm gonna go talk to Trina.
[Oscar exhales]
Okay, but "potato" if you need me.
I won't. [chuckles]
- Okay.
- Whoa! What the--
Oh!
Hey, girl.
I was skiing in Banff.
Oscar is driving me nuts!
- I don't know what to do.
- Siblings, am I right? [snorts]
- He's following me everywhere.
- Give me your jacket.
Give me your jacket!
Bruh! Free jacket?
Bruh, say less.
Aw, I really like that jacket.
Weird way of saying,
"Thank you, Ms. Vega."
Why am I thanking you? Whoa!
Emmy? Emmy!
Potato!
Emmy!
Thank you, Ms. Vega.
Potato!
Why won't she say "potato"?
- Mm, pretzels!
- Mm, pretzels!
What is going on with you and Oscar?
[actors] Mm, pretzels!
I can't think
with all this "Mm, pretzel"-ing!
We need to go somewhere private.
That'll do.
Okay, we can finally talk.
Oh, what is that smell?
Tony, how many times do I gotta tell ya?
If you don't lock this door,
someone's gonna steal your hot fish!
- Did you close that door with your mind?
- No. Wait, did I?
Alright, we gotta focus.
How do we get these lights on?
Oh, here it is.
Oh. Maybe we should find
somewhere else to talk.
[doorknob rattles]
It's locked.
Emmy!
Great read, but try to hit the "etz."
- Oh.
- Emmy!
[upbeat musical transition]
Emmy! Can you quit taking selfies
and come give me a hand?
What? No. I'm trying to get service,
so I can text Pepper
to get us out of here.
I already tried that. There's no service
in this hot fish dungeon. Come help me!
Oh! Never mind. I'm panicking!
Okay. Alright. Someone is gonna
let us out of here eventually.
You just gotta relax.
I can't!
I'm having a traumatic flashback.
When I was a teenager,
I was stuck in an RV.
It was hot, it was small,
and it smelled like fish!
What are we gonna do?
[all screaming] Cat!
- Cat!
- Cat!
You could never understand!
You're right.
I could never understand that.
Did I overhear Oscar
give you an emergency word?
Yeah. And I'm not gonna say it.
- Why not?
- There's no way I'm asking Oscar for help
and getting some holier-than-thou,
"I-told-you-so" lecture.
I could just see his smug face right now.
Emmy? Emmy?
Potato!
So, everybody thinks
that I have bad breath, but it's not true.
It's the tooth.
Oh.
You're so brave.
So speaking of your nephew, the filmmaker,
is he on the way, or--
I haven't even told you yet
about my flat knees.
Wait till you see the X-rays.
They'll give you nightmares.
Oh, goodie.
[kid] Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, hi! What is this?
Look who it is!
Nicky Poo!
- This is my new best friend, Jen.
- Oh, hi.
Hi.
Nicky Poo is my nephew.
Your nephew, the filmmaker?
The very same.
Show Jen one of your movies, honey.
Okay.
I pooped.
Hi.
[Jen Z screams]
Well, we did it, chat!
Miwanda stormed off, and Steve is…
[whimpers, cries]
Crying?
Chat, I low-key feel real bad right now.
- [phone chiming]
- Uh, "boo"?
You know what? I just realized something.
The internet doesn't always have
people's best interests at heart.
[sighs]
My numbers might get low,
but I'm gonna hold my head high.
- I'm out, chat.
- [phone beeps]
- [sobbing]
- Steve. Mm-hmm.
Shh, shh, shh. Let's talk.
Tell me what that emergency word is!
No, I'm not rewarding
Oscar's weird behavior.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
Tomato, tomahto. Something potahto.
[yells]
Look, I'm sorry you're freaking out.
But we are two strong, independent women,
and we don't need a man to save us.
Potato!
It's potato!
- Great.
- Potato!
Potato!
Your chips.
And your name?
Parthenia.
[singing melodiously] Parthenia! ♪
You can also call me later.
I DM'd you my number.
- [crunching]
- Mmm…
Chips.
Excuse me.
Can you say that again?
But instead of "chips," say "pretzels."
I got your text.
What's so important?
["Cello Suite No. 1 in G Major"
by Bach playing]
Miwanda, we have been together
for 21 years.
- [cello stops]
- Dang!
Sorry.
[cello music resumes]
But today, this nosy
little cello girl over here
made me realize that I should've
asked you something years ago.
Will you marry me?
[gasps] Yes!
- [Miwanda squealing]
- Oh! [laughing]
- [applause]
- Everyone, shut up!
[faintly] Potato!
Emmy, I'm coming!
Oh. Hey, nosy cello girl,
do you know any, um, Dua Lipa?
Do I?
["Levitating" by Dua Lipa playing]
[Steve] It's on.
- [laughing]
- [squealing]
Emmy? [pants]
[Trina] Potato!
Potato!
[doorknob rattling]
[Trina] Potato!
Time to summon the donkey within.
Hee-haw!
[Trina] Oh!
Sweet, sweet fresh air, come to mama!
You're okay!
My sister, she's okay!
She smells like hot fish, but she's okay!
Alright, that's enough. That's enough.
Oscar, what is going on?
And don't make me steal that
truth triangle thing you do with Qwest
because I will,
even though I find it quite annoying.
This isn't your first cattle call.
I'm gonna tell you a story.
You have to promise
not to tell Mom and Dad.
This is probably
my last cattle call, Patsy.
I just graduated Hollywood Arts, and I'm
sure my acting career is taking off.
The doctor says they're gonna have
to put my tooth down.
I promise you, if I get this part,
I am putting a ring on that finger.
- [gasps, squeals]
- Oh, yeah.
[grunts] It doesn't take credit cards
or Pear Pay.
Ha! Ain't she a beaut?
[Oscar] It was my first cattle call.
Mom told me to watch you
while she went to the bathroom, but…
Emmy?
…I was so absorbed with my line…
Emmy?
…I lost track of you.
Emmy!
I found you, but it was
the longest ten minutes of my life.
I was terrified,
and I've never forgotten that feeling.
[chuckles]
Hey.
Tori?
Nothing, I just wanted
to say hi to my sister.
No, I don't need money!
[Randy] Alright, everybody! That's it.
It's all over.
[bell ringing]
Really nice turnout today,
but the role's been cast.
[disappointed murmurs]
Oh, well, let's pack it up.
What? It's over?
That's interesting, because I seem
to remember an unwed woman in a jean skirt
promising us we'd get seen!
We wasted our whole day here!
I should've been practicing
for my sketch comedy audition.
You pawned me off
on that old lady with the dead tooth.
"When my tooth died,
I was in mourning for two weeks!"
"Wanna see some X-rays of my flat knees?"
Wow. That's a spot-on imitation of Patsy.
Almost like it could be a good character
for, I don't know,
a sketch comedy audition.
Anyone else feel like
they wasted their time today?
I didn't want to lug my cello
around all day.
But then I booked a gig to play
Steve and Miwanda's wedding!
- What?
- They're paying me in real clams.
Well, I learned not to assume
the worst about my brother.
Even though I am, at times…
the worst.
Okay, well, what about Qwest?
Looks like he got himself a bag of chips.
Yeah, I got a bag of chips.
And I got the gig!
- [squeals]
- [cheers]
- [cello playing]
- [Qwest] Mm, pretzels! ♪
Mm, pretzels! Mm, pretzels! ♪
God, I'm a good teacher!
Mm, pretzels! Mm, pretzels! ♪
In the morning! ♪
Pretzels! ♪
In the evening! ♪
Pretzels! ♪
At 2:30 a.m.! ♪
Mm! ♪
Pretzels are my jam! ♪
Pretzels! ♪
[funky music playing]