House of Guinness (2025) s01e07 Episode Script
Episode 7
1
Okay, boys.
It sounds like a grand affair in there.
Now let's show them our invitations.
Arthur, we should get out of here.
Come on.
Arthur.
-Come on.
-For Christ's sake! Patrick!
-Come on!
-Why are we leaving?
-Hurry up! Come on, follow me!
-For Christ's sake! What's the matter?
-Come on!
-I don't understand! Patrick! Stop!
Stop right now! Tell me!
Why are we in such a hurry?
There's coppers coming, Arthur,
at precisely one minute past ten o'clock.
Come here, ya filthy bastard!
Run, Arthur!
Come back here!
Down there!
There's two of them!
Come on, that way!
Shh! Shut the fuck up!
Down there. Come on!
Over there!
Down that alley! Down there!
Someone paid you.
Who?
You don't have to tell me.
No, I can fucking guess.
Did he call me a Liffey eel,
by any chance?
You did this for money?
-No. No.
-You did.
-Arthur, stop it.
-Did you think to just ask?
Huh? Open your mouth.
Open your fucking mouth!
Arthur… Stop it.
Fuck.
Fuck.
The man who has your name
is Henry Grattan, yes?
He said he knew… he knew my sins.
He said he was gonna
tell my father, Arthur.
He said he was gonna tell my father.
-It's okay. Shh…
-He was gonna tell my father.
It's okay.
I understand.
It's okay.
You must walk away from anyone
with this cursed name.
There is nothing
but bleakness and blackness
will come from any connection.
But… but I saved you, Arthur.
No, no, no, no, no.
You must cut the ropes.
Run and wait for a check
in the post for your services.
No. Please, no. Arthur, please!
What we have is not a service.
What we have?
We Guinnesses give generously to the poor.
We give generously to the poor,
but we do not forgive.
Please, Arth--
As my Uncle Henry will soon learn,
I am a wild enemy to have.
-Go away.
-Arthur…
Arthur. But--
Have you heard of Phil the Fluter
Of the town of Ballymuck? ♪
Times were going hard with him
In fact, the man was broke ♪
He just sent out a notice
To the neighbors, one and all ♪
As how he'd like their company
That evening at a ball ♪
And when writin' out
He was careful to suggest to them ♪
If they found a hat of his
Convenient to the door ♪
The more they put in
Whenever he requested them ♪
The better would the music be
For batterin' the floor ♪
With the toot of the flute
And the twiddle of the fiddle-O! ♪
Hopping in the middle
Like a herrin' on the griddle-O! ♪
Up! down, hands around
Crossing to the wall ♪
Oh, hadn't we the gaiety
At Phil the Fluter's Ball? ♪
Fuck's sake!
"I think it's nearly time," says he
"For passin' round the hat" ♪
So Paddy passed the caubeen round
And looking mighty cute ♪
Says, "You've got to pay the piper
When he's tooterin' on the flute" ♪
What on earth are you doing?
Taking samples of the water
from the stream that feeds into the lake.
I saw you take a fall.
Did you laugh?
Yes, of course.
The great man stumbles.
There are three streams from three
natural springs which feed the lake.
I'm taking samples
of all three back to the brewery.
Our specialists who test
the purity of the water
can tell me which of--
I'm your morning's entertainment.
Specialists who test the purity of
our water will tell me which is most pure.
Then I will dig a well.
You will send
the clean spring water to Cloonboo?
Yes. I will erect several water pumps.
Fear not, each of them will be labeled
with the Guinness name and a harp.
Because as we established last night,
all acts of kindness
must be publicly branded
for the good of the company.
I suppose that means you'll make us put
the harp on our housing trust building.
Well, we are detonating half of Dublin
for you and Anne, under the Guinness name.
You could've sent someone else
to collect the water samples
and saved your clothes.
I just wanted to do something.
Couldn't really sleep last night.
Yesterday, I found out
you are not who I thought you were.
And that we might have
more in common than I thought.
Mm…
It's fine.
No, please.
Please! I fucking…
Tea?
What?
Well, it's just the way
you say "tea." So brightly.
Like flicking a crystal glass.
Whatever do you mean, my love?
When you arrived home
at half past one in the morning
and I looked out my window,
I saw you get out of the carriage
and throw up into the fountain.
Oysters.
Oysters! "Tea!"
What "oyster" tore your clothes
and drew blood last night?
It was a pursuit.
Running into alleys.
Leaping over rotten fences.
Hiding.
Hiding from the police.
No, really. No, no. Please.
I really-- I don't deserve tenderness.
It's all my fault. My fault,
and my stupid family's name.
What matters, my love…
is that you escaped.
And therefore nothing really happened.
Life continues.
Your reputation is unblemished.
And when the next election comes around,
you can stand again for Parliament.
MPs are above the law.
I almost get arrested. The next day,
you have me standing for election.
I want you to have power.
-Mm…
-I don't want to be married to a brewer.
I want to be married
to a government minister.
-Mm.
-A knighthood.
Lord Arthur Guinness.
Only love will get you caught.
Find someone, fuck them…
Mm.
…hail a cab, and come safely home.
Just so you know, I can't bear
to be the face of another scandal.
-Dubliners hate me.
-Arthur…
As husband and wife,
we decide these things together.
And together…
we will soon realize
that I'm always right.
Ahem.
Begging your pardon, sir, madam.
Mr. Rafferty is here.
-I'm not sure at whose request, but…
-Mine.
I have a job for him.
It is science
that has helped me to discover the truth.
And I have calculated…
I have calculated
that we are now living in
the sixth unsabbatic day of creation.
That it is 6,000 years
since Adam was betrayed by Eve.
And therefore by this calculation,
it is scientifically proven…
Uncle Henry,
I've come to hear your confession.
And therefore by this calculation,
it is scientifically proven
that the end of the world
is coming to pass very, very soon.
How dare you interrupt a sacred sermon
inside the house of God--
I have permission
from Sir Arthur Guinness to be myself.
To be absolutely myself,
regardless of your kinship.
I'm capable of
sacrilege by deed even here.
And it would be deeply unholy of you
to provoke me into a passion
that I cannot control.
You are threatening my life
on behalf of your master.
My master,
who you once compared to a Liffey eel.
An eel who you said
you had by the gills.
Now it is the eel that has you
by the gills, Henry Grattan.
And, yes,
my master is threatening your life.
At first, I thought the sons
would be softer than their father.
But they are not.
With their steamships,
and their locomotives,
and their global plans,
they will not be stopped.
Which is why they need you gone
to a place away from Dublin.
Enough to get you
and your family to London.
I will not be bullied
by an unrighteous mandrake Mary Ann
cuckolded by his own foreman.
Well then, tear up the check.
And I swear to God, here in his own house…
this Sunday,
when your congregation
comes to this church,
they will hear the grave news
that their holy prophet was found
washed up on the rocks
at the foot of the Poolbeg Lighthouse
with lampreys writhing in his throat
and leeches sucking on his eyes.
We are far away from heaven
And we are far away from hell ♪
Living in the endless mist
And waiting for a yell ♪
The dreams are getting bigger
But the thirst is big enough… ♪
Sir, the road is closed.
They are taking down the old tenements
to make way
for the new Guinness housing estate.
I'm not afraid of a bit of progress.
But good will never win ♪
Dear Byron, I am writing
to share glad tidings from Dublin.
You should know that the profits
that are flowing from New York
are being used to serve God's purpose.
The secret deal which you struck
with our Fenian friends
is therefore a disreputable means
to a virtuous end.
In this work, I am supported
by the women of the Guinness Trust,
who never cease to surprise me
with their devotion to the cause.
I am also working tirelessly
to build bridges with the Fenians.
And I must say, I am finding
their representatives reasonable
and indeed agreeable.
This political intercourse
is resulting in many happy outcomes.
I am doing this on behalf of my brother,
who is being persuaded
to stand for Parliament,
which is why I am writing to you.
Since you have been so successful in
selling our beer to the people of America,
perhaps you can be just as successful
selling my brother
to the people of Dublin.
By the time you return,
you'll see parts of the city much changed.
You may also come home to find me changed.
-Saints and sinners, oh ♪
-Edward.
Often losers, never winners ♪
All of the new trust homes
are within the sound
of St. Patrick's Cathedral's bells.
Look, feel, and rejoice.
Clean water in every home,
and a water closet,
an ash closet in every home too,
even for the bachelors.
So you and Edward have been
working together into the night for a year
and using an absurd amount of candles.
And I know
because I see the trust accounts.
And in the flickering candlelight,
with all that passion in the air
of doing good works,
a feeling that you are actually
making a difference in the world,
and in that moment, as of yet,
there has not been one single kiss?
Let me show you the bedrooms.
Each have their own fireplace.
Not one kiss, Dodo?
-One.
-Hallelujah, praise the Lord.
Well, there is a reason
for the absence of kisses.
Edward has another woman, yes. Is that it?
He is my brother. He doesn't have to
actually tell me things with words.
There is a woman.
And oddly, I think he loves her.
Oh dear. Did he actually use that word?
Like you,
I don't need him to say things out loud.
How do you know about her?
Because Edward told me himself.
And because he's unsure
of what he should do
with this forbidden love.
This is all terribly romantic,
but he is not a child anymore.
And there has been at least one kiss.
Three days ago,
when the keys to the new apartments
were finally cut.
Then there is hope.
What do you mean, "hope"?
I… I… I don't want bloody hope.
As if a woman alone is hopeless.
No, this is all nonsense,
because today is a celebration.
God, I hate Fridays.
Here. Stop complaining.
As I understand, Aunt Agnes,
who was told by Anne,
who was told by Adelaide…
That in her opinion,
Adelaide would now respond favorably
to a proposal of marriage from me, yes?
I know, thank you.
Well,
it's about time, isn't it?
About time for what?
I got married. Surely it's your turn.
It's not about taking turns.
Ah, okay. I see.
It's about the Fenian girl.
I understand from Olivia,
who was told by Potter,
you've had a letter
from the Conservative Party.
-Fucking Potter.
-Mr. Disraeli himself has written to you.
And asked you to stand
for Conservative Party candidate
for Dublin at the next election.
Yes, I've politely declined.
Even though it would be very much
in the best interests of the company?
No need to pour. Thank you.
Apparently, there was a significant kiss,
which might've changed things,
I'm not sure.
Apparently, in the letter, Disraeli was
virtually begging you to stand.
-Should we get fucking rid of Potter?
-My question is, why would you not stand?
My question to you is,
why would you not marry?
Ah…
Well, as someone with long experience
of impossible love,
I will tell you
that you and this woman in the docks
can never be together.
So you must find happiness
in the world of what is possible.
I always instinctively reject your advice.
And I reject yours instinctively. However…
it appears that Anne
and Olivia are suggesting that,
for the good of the company…
we both grow up.
And fulfil our father's dream
of becoming true aristocracy.
Come on. I will run for election,
and you go say goodbye.
Hello.
-How are you?
-Good. How are you?
I've drafted a leaflet which explains in
language a common Dubliner can understand
why Home Rule is a logical first step
towards an independent Ireland.
Also, my landlady has requested
an extra ten shillings a week
in return for turning a blind eye
to your visits.
-I said it would be okay.
-Um…
For a little while,
it will not be necessary.
Why will it not be necessary?
Um… my brother has… decided
to, uh, stand for the Conservative Party
in the forthcoming election…
…supporting the union.
But I will make sure he will not burn
the bridges you and I have built.
You have my word.
The word of a Guinness brother means what?
Look, it's…
…an unspoken agreement.
If there are other things going unspoken,
I suggest you speak them now.
We feel…
For the duration of the election,
we feel it's best if I don't come here.
"We"?
Look, Arthur's political opponents
will be looking for any weakness.
-Oh, and I'm your weakness.
-You know you have been my weakness.
Yes, I…
I feel that it is time
for both of us
to become realistic.
But you will need a man.
A permanent man.
And all this time, you've been temporary?
And I came here today…
to tell you that I have been thinking,
and… and now I'm certain.
I… I think I'm…
I've been thinking that I will propose…
to her.
To Adelaide.
You mean your Lady of Divine Mercy,
who builds your houses to ease your guilt?
Look, I could stand here and lie
like almost every other man of my class
and have two fireplaces to sit at,
but I am not that man.
Are you in love with me, Edward?
Because I know that you once were.
Yes.
I once was.
I see it clearly.
Arthur gets elected.
Edward gets himself a suitable wife
and the brewery.
The holy, sacred fucking brewery
goes on from strength to strength,
because in all the world, Edward,
when it comes down to blood and beer,
the brewery is all that matters.
You've never lied to me, Edward,
but you lie to yourself.
You tell yourself
this is one love replacing another,
but in truth, this is
you running away from me
because I am bad for business.
Go home
to where you belong.
Save yourself ten shillings.
The wind whistled you in
Behind the springtime ♪
Float, Old Note, new among my mind ♪
You hold the note
The note just moves the movement ♪
Let go the note and so move everything ♪
I can't come to quantify the feeling ♪
I was walkin' home
Half in the dreamin'… ♪
-Tighter.
-Yes, ma'am.
Leave it.
I don't pay you to stand around gawking.
Sorry, ma'am.
Try again.
I was told
you wanted to see me.
Yes.
-How are you?
-Things are as you know them to be.
Good.
These
last two weeks,
she has been so concerned.
Has she shared her concern with you?
A fear of a certain kind
has been shared with me.
I sense gentleness,
in you and her.
Sex I will accept, but not tenderness.
They are the same.
You can be the same, she can be the same,
but there is nature
which might have intervened.
An accident, perhaps.
I expected you to take precaution.
Sometimes she insists.
Stop!
With the election coming,
we cannot afford scandals.
She's taking an awfully long time
to get ready, even for her.
It's as if she's been forced
to change into a different dress.
Well, we should pray not.
What? Pray?
Pray to who?
Whoever blesses an arrangement like ours,
it's not God.
Lady Olivia will be here presently.
The carriage is being brought around.
I had to choose a different dress, yes.
Oh dear, oh dear.
Now, we can always… figure out a way.
Perhaps we should speak about this
after the wedding.
Today's a wonderful, wonderful day.
And there will be no lumps and no grumps.
Arthur, you will… smile.
Yeah. Um…
-Ah, Potter! One more thing.
-Yes, sir.
-We're putting you on the door.
-What door?
The door of the cathedral.
We've heard our dear brother Benjamin
has been drinking again.
He's coming from London alone,
God help us.
If he makes it to the church, make sure…
-Potter, make sure you keep him outside.
-Yes.
Oh, Arthur, have you remembered to put
the bottle of water in Dodo's carriage?
-Yes, yes, yes.
-What water?
My brother and his future wife
have some private joke
about clean water being
more precious than champagne.
Edward, look at me.
Please.
-You're a Guinness.
-Mr. Edward, your carriage awaits.
If you want me from a time ♪
All rise.
When I was just 15 ♪
Amphetamines ♪
I want to know how much you care… ♪
…the coming together
of Edward and Adelaide Guinness.
If you want me by a church ♪
On Christmas Eve… ♪
-Can someone please shut that child up?
-Arthur!
Benjamin. Benjamin!
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
There's nothing to see here.
Move on.
Ben.
What the fuck?
You've been at your brother's wedding,
and you had too much to drink.
You must have fallen asleep.
They left you here
because they have no regard for you.
Oh…
-Would you like a drink?
-God, yes.
I knew what would happen.
They have no love for you.
Penny-pinch your inheritance,
leave you to sleep at the table,
and probably laughed at you.
One of the maids told me you were here.
And I heard you came to the wedding alone.
My wife
is disgusted with me
because I'm drinking again.
Well, I am not disgusted with you,
Benjamin, and I never will be.
I know.
Stop. Stop, stop.
I came here like an angel of mercy
to show you what real love is.
I did. I did.
Go 'head ♪
Go 'head ♪
Go 'head ♪
Go 'head ♪
Go 'head… ♪
How the fuck does this work?
Go 'head… ♪
Hey mister, mister
Is it okay to take your picture? ♪
Think you wear the wrong size
Cuz them clothes don't fit ya ♪
Could you probably, possibly
Accept the possibility ♪
The winner hedges low
You can jump to the side and scream ♪
Hey missy, missy
Would you still hold and kiss me ♪
If I didn't have a car
Nice clothes, would you miss me… ♪
When clearing up after a party,
you start with the broken glass.
All the food, you can throw away.
The booze, you keep for me. To inspect.
It's a… it's a shame to waste it.
Na-na, na na ♪
Those of you ladies new to House Guinness,
the rule is that copulating couples
must not be disturbed
and are to be cleaned around.
Go ahead there, Nuala.
Go 'head ♪
Do what you wanna do ♪
Did you come to admire the view?
Shouldn't you be in some grand bed
consummating your vows?
Take a seat, Mr. Champion.
I've been reading in the papers
there's an election coming.
Why did we teach
the working classes to read?
I also read that you're
running for office again, Mr. Guinness.
So if politics is back on the agenda,
I imagine there's a renewed desire
to hide the various indiscretions
from the voting electorate.
Indiscretions?
Well, Edward,
there were your Saturday nights
and your New York arrangement.
And you, Arthur,
of course, your Friday nights.
So now possibly is the best time
to discuss what might be called
an indiscretion tax.
Mm-hm.
Sorry, could you take a look
at the map, Bonnie?
This is Dock 7,
where we're sitting right now.
Only this is a map of Dock 7,
how it'll look in a year and a half's time
when we've swept it clean
and built yet more cooperage
and mash tun capacity.
This area just here, you see?
Which is designated to be
a new hogshead loading bay is currently…
Well, it's your office, Mr. Champion.
But, of course, in order to facilitate
this great big brewery expansion,
your office, your stables,
your lodging houses, The Angel pub itself
will all be improved by…
Dynamite.
Pooh…
And since your own tenancy agreements
are rather dubious,
we hereby serve you notice to quit.
Ah, ah, ah! But, but… since we are
a famously philanthropic company,
we might find it in our hearts
to compensate you.
You see,
the days of men like you
haunting these docks, they're gone.
Let's say £3,000…
Mmm.
…and an annual fee of 500.
In return for
a completely uneventful election
and a very peaceful evacuation
of these premises.
By the way, you have one week.
My price is 10,000.
Or you can go to hell!
Seven and a half.
Final offer.
I feel like you and I are
becoming something of a team.
I don't know what we're doing
handing over the election
to the New York cowboy.
Oh, it's been ages ♪
Since we made the front pages
Sin deireadh linn ar hiatus ♪
Back to annoy 'em cunts that hate us ♪
It's back to basics… ♪
"The New York cowboy"
is responsible for an increase in profits
throughout the east coast
of the United States
and Washington, D.C., where he claims
the president of the United States
is himself now a drinker.
Mm.
Cuir i gcéill go bhfuil tu deas ♪
I do shuigh i do phálás
Ach téimid ar fad i do phlámás ♪
Greetings
from New York.
Ag ceangail rudaí nach bhfuil nasc… ♪
With my return to Dublin,
our election campaign begins.
The demolition of Dock 7
we sell to people
as proof of our virtue,
as proof of our willingness
to confront the sins of this sinful city.
A vote for Arthur Guinness
is a vote for virtue.
If I am to hide your excesses,
I need to know what they are.
I'm gonna need to know the truth
about the people
I'm gonna be working with.
'Cause it's been ages ♪
Controversy won't faze us
We hold all the cards and they're aces… ♪
Up until
two months before my wedding,
Ellen Cochrane and I
were sleeping together
on regular occasions
at her lodgings in the docks.
I am the Conservative candidate
standing for election in Dublin.
I've got absolutely no faults
or no secrets whatsoever.
Except for the fact that I was
a regular frequenter of that rat's nest.
And…
my dear wife, whom I love in my own way,
very much is pregnant…
…with my foreman's baby.
Fuck me, it's been ages
Since my mickеy was contagious ♪
So you thought
The Kneecap craze was over… ♪
So, infidelity.
Three.
Sodomy.
Two.
Lost love and random acts of violence.
One.
A more typical Dublin family
would be hard to find.
'Cause it's been ages
God bless us and save us ♪
Back with a bang and it feels amazing
Going nowhere or going places ♪
Oh, it's been ages
Since we made the front pages ♪
Sin deireadh linn ar hiatus
Back to annoy 'em cunts that hate us ♪
It's back to basics
A scumbag hood, I'm shameless ♪
Take more than that to tame us
All your fault 'cause you made us famous ♪
Is fada an lá, ó a bhí muid de do chrá ♪
New centerpiece, Telegraph
Did you miss us? Are you glad? ♪
Go bhfuil muid ar ais le plean
Bhí sos againn, its been class ♪
Ach anois ó seo amach
Is linn an buacht ♪
Gach lá ar an nuacht, bolscaireacht ♪
Propaganda machine
Kneecap back all over your screens ♪
Drochmheas ó mar a bhí
Ach i bhfad níos measa ♪
Wait and see
'Cause it's been ages ♪
Controversy won't phase us
We hold all the cards and they're aces ♪
Try to protect your kids
But they'll hear us ♪
…do mhamó faoina áit ag an tabla ♪
Goidé a chím… ceangailte le cábla ♪
A cúl… bhean ban ♪
Le triúr fear ann i mbalaclava
Goidé a tharlaíonn ansin ♪
Píosa fada maith a deánfaidh
Muid as radharc ♪
But I wanna be back
In the Sunday World ♪
So I smacked that cunt
With the back of my hurl ♪
Stick that in your paper ♪
Oh, it's been ages
Since we made the front pages ♪
Your fault 'cause you made us famous
Stickin' our face in your papers ♪
But we got love by our neighbors
You keep track when you're giving favors ♪
Sad ♪
Cuir i gcéill go bhfuil tu deas
I do shuigh i do phálás ♪
Ach téimid ar fad i do phlámás
Téimid ar fad i do phlámás ♪
Achan uile rud ar shon do leas
Níos mo votai sin do tasc ♪
Ag ceangail rudaí nach bhfuil nasc… ♪
Call in your face
And then you're scum ♪
That's enough for the story that'll run
Sensational headline, that's job done ♪
Okay, boys.
It sounds like a grand affair in there.
Now let's show them our invitations.
Arthur, we should get out of here.
Come on.
Arthur.
-Come on.
-For Christ's sake! Patrick!
-Come on!
-Why are we leaving?
-Hurry up! Come on, follow me!
-For Christ's sake! What's the matter?
-Come on!
-I don't understand! Patrick! Stop!
Stop right now! Tell me!
Why are we in such a hurry?
There's coppers coming, Arthur,
at precisely one minute past ten o'clock.
Come here, ya filthy bastard!
Run, Arthur!
Come back here!
Down there!
There's two of them!
Come on, that way!
Shh! Shut the fuck up!
Down there. Come on!
Over there!
Down that alley! Down there!
Someone paid you.
Who?
You don't have to tell me.
No, I can fucking guess.
Did he call me a Liffey eel,
by any chance?
You did this for money?
-No. No.
-You did.
-Arthur, stop it.
-Did you think to just ask?
Huh? Open your mouth.
Open your fucking mouth!
Arthur… Stop it.
Fuck.
Fuck.
The man who has your name
is Henry Grattan, yes?
He said he knew… he knew my sins.
He said he was gonna
tell my father, Arthur.
He said he was gonna tell my father.
-It's okay. Shh…
-He was gonna tell my father.
It's okay.
I understand.
It's okay.
You must walk away from anyone
with this cursed name.
There is nothing
but bleakness and blackness
will come from any connection.
But… but I saved you, Arthur.
No, no, no, no, no.
You must cut the ropes.
Run and wait for a check
in the post for your services.
No. Please, no. Arthur, please!
What we have is not a service.
What we have?
We Guinnesses give generously to the poor.
We give generously to the poor,
but we do not forgive.
Please, Arth--
As my Uncle Henry will soon learn,
I am a wild enemy to have.
-Go away.
-Arthur…
Arthur. But--
Have you heard of Phil the Fluter
Of the town of Ballymuck? ♪
Times were going hard with him
In fact, the man was broke ♪
He just sent out a notice
To the neighbors, one and all ♪
As how he'd like their company
That evening at a ball ♪
And when writin' out
He was careful to suggest to them ♪
If they found a hat of his
Convenient to the door ♪
The more they put in
Whenever he requested them ♪
The better would the music be
For batterin' the floor ♪
With the toot of the flute
And the twiddle of the fiddle-O! ♪
Hopping in the middle
Like a herrin' on the griddle-O! ♪
Up! down, hands around
Crossing to the wall ♪
Oh, hadn't we the gaiety
At Phil the Fluter's Ball? ♪
Fuck's sake!
"I think it's nearly time," says he
"For passin' round the hat" ♪
So Paddy passed the caubeen round
And looking mighty cute ♪
Says, "You've got to pay the piper
When he's tooterin' on the flute" ♪
What on earth are you doing?
Taking samples of the water
from the stream that feeds into the lake.
I saw you take a fall.
Did you laugh?
Yes, of course.
The great man stumbles.
There are three streams from three
natural springs which feed the lake.
I'm taking samples
of all three back to the brewery.
Our specialists who test
the purity of the water
can tell me which of--
I'm your morning's entertainment.
Specialists who test the purity of
our water will tell me which is most pure.
Then I will dig a well.
You will send
the clean spring water to Cloonboo?
Yes. I will erect several water pumps.
Fear not, each of them will be labeled
with the Guinness name and a harp.
Because as we established last night,
all acts of kindness
must be publicly branded
for the good of the company.
I suppose that means you'll make us put
the harp on our housing trust building.
Well, we are detonating half of Dublin
for you and Anne, under the Guinness name.
You could've sent someone else
to collect the water samples
and saved your clothes.
I just wanted to do something.
Couldn't really sleep last night.
Yesterday, I found out
you are not who I thought you were.
And that we might have
more in common than I thought.
Mm…
It's fine.
No, please.
Please! I fucking…
Tea?
What?
Well, it's just the way
you say "tea." So brightly.
Like flicking a crystal glass.
Whatever do you mean, my love?
When you arrived home
at half past one in the morning
and I looked out my window,
I saw you get out of the carriage
and throw up into the fountain.
Oysters.
Oysters! "Tea!"
What "oyster" tore your clothes
and drew blood last night?
It was a pursuit.
Running into alleys.
Leaping over rotten fences.
Hiding.
Hiding from the police.
No, really. No, no. Please.
I really-- I don't deserve tenderness.
It's all my fault. My fault,
and my stupid family's name.
What matters, my love…
is that you escaped.
And therefore nothing really happened.
Life continues.
Your reputation is unblemished.
And when the next election comes around,
you can stand again for Parliament.
MPs are above the law.
I almost get arrested. The next day,
you have me standing for election.
I want you to have power.
-Mm…
-I don't want to be married to a brewer.
I want to be married
to a government minister.
-Mm.
-A knighthood.
Lord Arthur Guinness.
Only love will get you caught.
Find someone, fuck them…
Mm.
…hail a cab, and come safely home.
Just so you know, I can't bear
to be the face of another scandal.
-Dubliners hate me.
-Arthur…
As husband and wife,
we decide these things together.
And together…
we will soon realize
that I'm always right.
Ahem.
Begging your pardon, sir, madam.
Mr. Rafferty is here.
-I'm not sure at whose request, but…
-Mine.
I have a job for him.
It is science
that has helped me to discover the truth.
And I have calculated…
I have calculated
that we are now living in
the sixth unsabbatic day of creation.
That it is 6,000 years
since Adam was betrayed by Eve.
And therefore by this calculation,
it is scientifically proven…
Uncle Henry,
I've come to hear your confession.
And therefore by this calculation,
it is scientifically proven
that the end of the world
is coming to pass very, very soon.
How dare you interrupt a sacred sermon
inside the house of God--
I have permission
from Sir Arthur Guinness to be myself.
To be absolutely myself,
regardless of your kinship.
I'm capable of
sacrilege by deed even here.
And it would be deeply unholy of you
to provoke me into a passion
that I cannot control.
You are threatening my life
on behalf of your master.
My master,
who you once compared to a Liffey eel.
An eel who you said
you had by the gills.
Now it is the eel that has you
by the gills, Henry Grattan.
And, yes,
my master is threatening your life.
At first, I thought the sons
would be softer than their father.
But they are not.
With their steamships,
and their locomotives,
and their global plans,
they will not be stopped.
Which is why they need you gone
to a place away from Dublin.
Enough to get you
and your family to London.
I will not be bullied
by an unrighteous mandrake Mary Ann
cuckolded by his own foreman.
Well then, tear up the check.
And I swear to God, here in his own house…
this Sunday,
when your congregation
comes to this church,
they will hear the grave news
that their holy prophet was found
washed up on the rocks
at the foot of the Poolbeg Lighthouse
with lampreys writhing in his throat
and leeches sucking on his eyes.
We are far away from heaven
And we are far away from hell ♪
Living in the endless mist
And waiting for a yell ♪
The dreams are getting bigger
But the thirst is big enough… ♪
Sir, the road is closed.
They are taking down the old tenements
to make way
for the new Guinness housing estate.
I'm not afraid of a bit of progress.
But good will never win ♪
Dear Byron, I am writing
to share glad tidings from Dublin.
You should know that the profits
that are flowing from New York
are being used to serve God's purpose.
The secret deal which you struck
with our Fenian friends
is therefore a disreputable means
to a virtuous end.
In this work, I am supported
by the women of the Guinness Trust,
who never cease to surprise me
with their devotion to the cause.
I am also working tirelessly
to build bridges with the Fenians.
And I must say, I am finding
their representatives reasonable
and indeed agreeable.
This political intercourse
is resulting in many happy outcomes.
I am doing this on behalf of my brother,
who is being persuaded
to stand for Parliament,
which is why I am writing to you.
Since you have been so successful in
selling our beer to the people of America,
perhaps you can be just as successful
selling my brother
to the people of Dublin.
By the time you return,
you'll see parts of the city much changed.
You may also come home to find me changed.
-Saints and sinners, oh ♪
-Edward.
Often losers, never winners ♪
All of the new trust homes
are within the sound
of St. Patrick's Cathedral's bells.
Look, feel, and rejoice.
Clean water in every home,
and a water closet,
an ash closet in every home too,
even for the bachelors.
So you and Edward have been
working together into the night for a year
and using an absurd amount of candles.
And I know
because I see the trust accounts.
And in the flickering candlelight,
with all that passion in the air
of doing good works,
a feeling that you are actually
making a difference in the world,
and in that moment, as of yet,
there has not been one single kiss?
Let me show you the bedrooms.
Each have their own fireplace.
Not one kiss, Dodo?
-One.
-Hallelujah, praise the Lord.
Well, there is a reason
for the absence of kisses.
Edward has another woman, yes. Is that it?
He is my brother. He doesn't have to
actually tell me things with words.
There is a woman.
And oddly, I think he loves her.
Oh dear. Did he actually use that word?
Like you,
I don't need him to say things out loud.
How do you know about her?
Because Edward told me himself.
And because he's unsure
of what he should do
with this forbidden love.
This is all terribly romantic,
but he is not a child anymore.
And there has been at least one kiss.
Three days ago,
when the keys to the new apartments
were finally cut.
Then there is hope.
What do you mean, "hope"?
I… I… I don't want bloody hope.
As if a woman alone is hopeless.
No, this is all nonsense,
because today is a celebration.
God, I hate Fridays.
Here. Stop complaining.
As I understand, Aunt Agnes,
who was told by Anne,
who was told by Adelaide…
That in her opinion,
Adelaide would now respond favorably
to a proposal of marriage from me, yes?
I know, thank you.
Well,
it's about time, isn't it?
About time for what?
I got married. Surely it's your turn.
It's not about taking turns.
Ah, okay. I see.
It's about the Fenian girl.
I understand from Olivia,
who was told by Potter,
you've had a letter
from the Conservative Party.
-Fucking Potter.
-Mr. Disraeli himself has written to you.
And asked you to stand
for Conservative Party candidate
for Dublin at the next election.
Yes, I've politely declined.
Even though it would be very much
in the best interests of the company?
No need to pour. Thank you.
Apparently, there was a significant kiss,
which might've changed things,
I'm not sure.
Apparently, in the letter, Disraeli was
virtually begging you to stand.
-Should we get fucking rid of Potter?
-My question is, why would you not stand?
My question to you is,
why would you not marry?
Ah…
Well, as someone with long experience
of impossible love,
I will tell you
that you and this woman in the docks
can never be together.
So you must find happiness
in the world of what is possible.
I always instinctively reject your advice.
And I reject yours instinctively. However…
it appears that Anne
and Olivia are suggesting that,
for the good of the company…
we both grow up.
And fulfil our father's dream
of becoming true aristocracy.
Come on. I will run for election,
and you go say goodbye.
Hello.
-How are you?
-Good. How are you?
I've drafted a leaflet which explains in
language a common Dubliner can understand
why Home Rule is a logical first step
towards an independent Ireland.
Also, my landlady has requested
an extra ten shillings a week
in return for turning a blind eye
to your visits.
-I said it would be okay.
-Um…
For a little while,
it will not be necessary.
Why will it not be necessary?
Um… my brother has… decided
to, uh, stand for the Conservative Party
in the forthcoming election…
…supporting the union.
But I will make sure he will not burn
the bridges you and I have built.
You have my word.
The word of a Guinness brother means what?
Look, it's…
…an unspoken agreement.
If there are other things going unspoken,
I suggest you speak them now.
We feel…
For the duration of the election,
we feel it's best if I don't come here.
"We"?
Look, Arthur's political opponents
will be looking for any weakness.
-Oh, and I'm your weakness.
-You know you have been my weakness.
Yes, I…
I feel that it is time
for both of us
to become realistic.
But you will need a man.
A permanent man.
And all this time, you've been temporary?
And I came here today…
to tell you that I have been thinking,
and… and now I'm certain.
I… I think I'm…
I've been thinking that I will propose…
to her.
To Adelaide.
You mean your Lady of Divine Mercy,
who builds your houses to ease your guilt?
Look, I could stand here and lie
like almost every other man of my class
and have two fireplaces to sit at,
but I am not that man.
Are you in love with me, Edward?
Because I know that you once were.
Yes.
I once was.
I see it clearly.
Arthur gets elected.
Edward gets himself a suitable wife
and the brewery.
The holy, sacred fucking brewery
goes on from strength to strength,
because in all the world, Edward,
when it comes down to blood and beer,
the brewery is all that matters.
You've never lied to me, Edward,
but you lie to yourself.
You tell yourself
this is one love replacing another,
but in truth, this is
you running away from me
because I am bad for business.
Go home
to where you belong.
Save yourself ten shillings.
The wind whistled you in
Behind the springtime ♪
Float, Old Note, new among my mind ♪
You hold the note
The note just moves the movement ♪
Let go the note and so move everything ♪
I can't come to quantify the feeling ♪
I was walkin' home
Half in the dreamin'… ♪
-Tighter.
-Yes, ma'am.
Leave it.
I don't pay you to stand around gawking.
Sorry, ma'am.
Try again.
I was told
you wanted to see me.
Yes.
-How are you?
-Things are as you know them to be.
Good.
These
last two weeks,
she has been so concerned.
Has she shared her concern with you?
A fear of a certain kind
has been shared with me.
I sense gentleness,
in you and her.
Sex I will accept, but not tenderness.
They are the same.
You can be the same, she can be the same,
but there is nature
which might have intervened.
An accident, perhaps.
I expected you to take precaution.
Sometimes she insists.
Stop!
With the election coming,
we cannot afford scandals.
She's taking an awfully long time
to get ready, even for her.
It's as if she's been forced
to change into a different dress.
Well, we should pray not.
What? Pray?
Pray to who?
Whoever blesses an arrangement like ours,
it's not God.
Lady Olivia will be here presently.
The carriage is being brought around.
I had to choose a different dress, yes.
Oh dear, oh dear.
Now, we can always… figure out a way.
Perhaps we should speak about this
after the wedding.
Today's a wonderful, wonderful day.
And there will be no lumps and no grumps.
Arthur, you will… smile.
Yeah. Um…
-Ah, Potter! One more thing.
-Yes, sir.
-We're putting you on the door.
-What door?
The door of the cathedral.
We've heard our dear brother Benjamin
has been drinking again.
He's coming from London alone,
God help us.
If he makes it to the church, make sure…
-Potter, make sure you keep him outside.
-Yes.
Oh, Arthur, have you remembered to put
the bottle of water in Dodo's carriage?
-Yes, yes, yes.
-What water?
My brother and his future wife
have some private joke
about clean water being
more precious than champagne.
Edward, look at me.
Please.
-You're a Guinness.
-Mr. Edward, your carriage awaits.
If you want me from a time ♪
All rise.
When I was just 15 ♪
Amphetamines ♪
I want to know how much you care… ♪
…the coming together
of Edward and Adelaide Guinness.
If you want me by a church ♪
On Christmas Eve… ♪
-Can someone please shut that child up?
-Arthur!
Benjamin. Benjamin!
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
There's nothing to see here.
Move on.
Ben.
What the fuck?
You've been at your brother's wedding,
and you had too much to drink.
You must have fallen asleep.
They left you here
because they have no regard for you.
Oh…
-Would you like a drink?
-God, yes.
I knew what would happen.
They have no love for you.
Penny-pinch your inheritance,
leave you to sleep at the table,
and probably laughed at you.
One of the maids told me you were here.
And I heard you came to the wedding alone.
My wife
is disgusted with me
because I'm drinking again.
Well, I am not disgusted with you,
Benjamin, and I never will be.
I know.
Stop. Stop, stop.
I came here like an angel of mercy
to show you what real love is.
I did. I did.
Go 'head ♪
Go 'head ♪
Go 'head ♪
Go 'head ♪
Go 'head… ♪
How the fuck does this work?
Go 'head… ♪
Hey mister, mister
Is it okay to take your picture? ♪
Think you wear the wrong size
Cuz them clothes don't fit ya ♪
Could you probably, possibly
Accept the possibility ♪
The winner hedges low
You can jump to the side and scream ♪
Hey missy, missy
Would you still hold and kiss me ♪
If I didn't have a car
Nice clothes, would you miss me… ♪
When clearing up after a party,
you start with the broken glass.
All the food, you can throw away.
The booze, you keep for me. To inspect.
It's a… it's a shame to waste it.
Na-na, na na ♪
Those of you ladies new to House Guinness,
the rule is that copulating couples
must not be disturbed
and are to be cleaned around.
Go ahead there, Nuala.
Go 'head ♪
Do what you wanna do ♪
Did you come to admire the view?
Shouldn't you be in some grand bed
consummating your vows?
Take a seat, Mr. Champion.
I've been reading in the papers
there's an election coming.
Why did we teach
the working classes to read?
I also read that you're
running for office again, Mr. Guinness.
So if politics is back on the agenda,
I imagine there's a renewed desire
to hide the various indiscretions
from the voting electorate.
Indiscretions?
Well, Edward,
there were your Saturday nights
and your New York arrangement.
And you, Arthur,
of course, your Friday nights.
So now possibly is the best time
to discuss what might be called
an indiscretion tax.
Mm-hm.
Sorry, could you take a look
at the map, Bonnie?
This is Dock 7,
where we're sitting right now.
Only this is a map of Dock 7,
how it'll look in a year and a half's time
when we've swept it clean
and built yet more cooperage
and mash tun capacity.
This area just here, you see?
Which is designated to be
a new hogshead loading bay is currently…
Well, it's your office, Mr. Champion.
But, of course, in order to facilitate
this great big brewery expansion,
your office, your stables,
your lodging houses, The Angel pub itself
will all be improved by…
Dynamite.
Pooh…
And since your own tenancy agreements
are rather dubious,
we hereby serve you notice to quit.
Ah, ah, ah! But, but… since we are
a famously philanthropic company,
we might find it in our hearts
to compensate you.
You see,
the days of men like you
haunting these docks, they're gone.
Let's say £3,000…
Mmm.
…and an annual fee of 500.
In return for
a completely uneventful election
and a very peaceful evacuation
of these premises.
By the way, you have one week.
My price is 10,000.
Or you can go to hell!
Seven and a half.
Final offer.
I feel like you and I are
becoming something of a team.
I don't know what we're doing
handing over the election
to the New York cowboy.
Oh, it's been ages ♪
Since we made the front pages
Sin deireadh linn ar hiatus ♪
Back to annoy 'em cunts that hate us ♪
It's back to basics… ♪
"The New York cowboy"
is responsible for an increase in profits
throughout the east coast
of the United States
and Washington, D.C., where he claims
the president of the United States
is himself now a drinker.
Mm.
Cuir i gcéill go bhfuil tu deas ♪
I do shuigh i do phálás
Ach téimid ar fad i do phlámás ♪
Greetings
from New York.
Ag ceangail rudaí nach bhfuil nasc… ♪
With my return to Dublin,
our election campaign begins.
The demolition of Dock 7
we sell to people
as proof of our virtue,
as proof of our willingness
to confront the sins of this sinful city.
A vote for Arthur Guinness
is a vote for virtue.
If I am to hide your excesses,
I need to know what they are.
I'm gonna need to know the truth
about the people
I'm gonna be working with.
'Cause it's been ages ♪
Controversy won't faze us
We hold all the cards and they're aces… ♪
Up until
two months before my wedding,
Ellen Cochrane and I
were sleeping together
on regular occasions
at her lodgings in the docks.
I am the Conservative candidate
standing for election in Dublin.
I've got absolutely no faults
or no secrets whatsoever.
Except for the fact that I was
a regular frequenter of that rat's nest.
And…
my dear wife, whom I love in my own way,
very much is pregnant…
…with my foreman's baby.
Fuck me, it's been ages
Since my mickеy was contagious ♪
So you thought
The Kneecap craze was over… ♪
So, infidelity.
Three.
Sodomy.
Two.
Lost love and random acts of violence.
One.
A more typical Dublin family
would be hard to find.
'Cause it's been ages
God bless us and save us ♪
Back with a bang and it feels amazing
Going nowhere or going places ♪
Oh, it's been ages
Since we made the front pages ♪
Sin deireadh linn ar hiatus
Back to annoy 'em cunts that hate us ♪
It's back to basics
A scumbag hood, I'm shameless ♪
Take more than that to tame us
All your fault 'cause you made us famous ♪
Is fada an lá, ó a bhí muid de do chrá ♪
New centerpiece, Telegraph
Did you miss us? Are you glad? ♪
Go bhfuil muid ar ais le plean
Bhí sos againn, its been class ♪
Ach anois ó seo amach
Is linn an buacht ♪
Gach lá ar an nuacht, bolscaireacht ♪
Propaganda machine
Kneecap back all over your screens ♪
Drochmheas ó mar a bhí
Ach i bhfad níos measa ♪
Wait and see
'Cause it's been ages ♪
Controversy won't phase us
We hold all the cards and they're aces ♪
Try to protect your kids
But they'll hear us ♪
…do mhamó faoina áit ag an tabla ♪
Goidé a chím… ceangailte le cábla ♪
A cúl… bhean ban ♪
Le triúr fear ann i mbalaclava
Goidé a tharlaíonn ansin ♪
Píosa fada maith a deánfaidh
Muid as radharc ♪
But I wanna be back
In the Sunday World ♪
So I smacked that cunt
With the back of my hurl ♪
Stick that in your paper ♪
Oh, it's been ages
Since we made the front pages ♪
Your fault 'cause you made us famous
Stickin' our face in your papers ♪
But we got love by our neighbors
You keep track when you're giving favors ♪
Sad ♪
Cuir i gcéill go bhfuil tu deas
I do shuigh i do phálás ♪
Ach téimid ar fad i do phlámás
Téimid ar fad i do phlámás ♪
Achan uile rud ar shon do leas
Níos mo votai sin do tasc ♪
Ag ceangail rudaí nach bhfuil nasc… ♪
Call in your face
And then you're scum ♪
That's enough for the story that'll run
Sensational headline, that's job done ♪