Irreverent (2022) s01e07 Episode Script

Lost Sheep

1
[ON CAR RADIO] Yes, God is real ♪
Oh, yes, He is ♪

Oh, yes!
[ENGINE REVVING]
[CHUCKLES] Rev's gonna love this!

Whoo!

He is real to me ♪
Come on. Come on.
[TIRES SQUEALING]

[EXHALING HEAVILY]
[CHEERY VOCAL MUSIC]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Stop, stop, stop.
Paulo, my man!
- What happened?
- Nothing's happened.
Why would you think
something's happened?
I've been calling you for 48 hours,
and you haven't picked up once.
Okay, something's happened.
Charmaine, huh?
Yes.
How did you know that? You're psychic.
You didn't listen to a single one
of my messages, did you?
I've just been on this trip
to Pleasure Town, Paulo.
She loves me.
You didn't tell her
about the money, did you?
You don't understand.
We made plans, right?
We were gonna renew our
vows, move to the Caribbean,
maybe start, like, a little mission.
She said she loved me.
I am hearing a lot of
past tense there, buddy.
She cleaned you out, didn't she?
Yes, but what am I gonna do now, Paulo?
I've racked up hundreds and hundreds
of thousands of dollars
at this glorious hotel,
but Lord knows how I'm gonna
pay for this thing, man.
All right, Mackenzie,
here's what you do.
- You leave.
- What was that?
Yeah. You just leave.
Yeah, just walk out.
No, I'm not just gonna sneak
out of here like a criminal.
Mackenzie, I hate to break it to you,
but you are a criminal.
That's just semantics
between the two of us.
There's, like, a whole gray area there.
Look, man, you're gonna be fine.
Just take some essentials,
leave the suitcase,
and, uh, walk out the door.
Good idea. Okay.
I need to just take essentials,
get, like, a bag, right?
A bag?
Just get essentials.
Keep it simple. I can do
this. I'm a maverick, right?
I'm a maverick. I'm a maverick, man.
All right, ooh, the Bible.
Am I doing the Bible?
I'm doing the Bible! Okay.
I should probably put a shirt on.
Okay, I don't need a running commentary.
I just need you to walk out the door.
I'm ready, buddy. I'm coming.
- Act normal.
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Okay, I've just left the elevator.
I am walking down the hallway.
Hello.
I'm about to enter the lobby.
Oh, Saascha's at the front desk.
I can't do this. I knew it. I knew it.
It makes very real when I
see her, 'cause I'm lying!
Mackenzie, move.
Okay. Yeah. No, I'm on
a I'm a businessman.
I'm talking Okay, yes. Okay, yes.
Cancel my appointment
meeting on Thursday,
'cause I'm gonna have a-a meeting
at the hotel I'm currently staying at.
Saascha, I'm gonna talk
to you about a gathering
I'm gonna have here.
We're gonna send things up a flagpole,
see if it's got some wings.
Maybe it'll it'll parachute down.
No wrong answers, just a lot
of a lot of bad questions
circling around, piggybacking.
Cheers, have a good one.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
You're like running
into a building there.
You know, clearly, you work out.
There's a great Zumba class.
That's more cardio.
That has nothing to
do I got an activation.
I can walk around you. I have no
I'm gonna go around. Good stuff.
I did it. I did it. I did it.
Oh, my goodness, I did it.
How may I help you, sir?
I'm from the U.S. Embassy.
We're trying to contact
one of our citizens.
There's been an unfortunate
accident back home.

Have you seen this man?
Ah, shit.
Here he is.
Taipan Mack.
He lives!
Good news travels fast.
- Thought we were done, guys.
- So did we.
But that was until someone decided
to, uh, plow through Ryno's bike.
Sorry to hear that.
Don't suppose you know
anything about that, do you?
No, in fact, nobody tells me anything.
We don't do Confession.
It's kind of the other guys' thing.
Walk with me.
We figured that, uh, you
know, this is a small town,
and everyone seems to have
their dirty little noses
in everyone's business.
So we did a bit of
sniffing around ourselves,
and it turns out that
there's one individual
who does remember seeing
something a little unusual.
A hearse fanging down the main street.
And we thought to ourselves,
"Hmm, who do we know
who drives a hearse?"
Uh, look, fellas, you got to believe me.
I will swear on a stack of Bibles
that I don't know anything about this,
but it definitely wasn't
me that was driving.
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
Well, who else would be
taking this tank for a joyride?
That is a mystery only the Lord knows.
Until the Lord can remember
who He threw the car keys to,
we might hold you
personally responsible.
Yeah.
Yeah. No, that's, uh,
a little harsh but fair.
50 grand.
[LAUGHS] You got to be kidding.
30 for the bike, 10 for
the pain and suffering,
10 for the cut you cost
us on the chop-chop deal.
[SCOFFS] Guys, look
I'm being level with you.
I don't have that kind of money.
Then give us a name
or find that kind of money.
How long has he got, Ryno?
48 hours.
Laters, Taipan.

Oh, Cameron.

That was the bikies, wasn't it?
- Yeah, that was the bikies.
- Rev
- Cam did it.
- Listen
Daisy, I know that Cam did it.
He's freaking out.
Yeah. No, of course he's freaking out.
You should be freaking out, too.
He just destroyed
everything we're doing here.
- We're we're dealing with it.
- You're deal
[CHUCKLES]
No, we're gonna go and talk to them
and get on the front foot.
Daisy, you cannot
possibly be that naive.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, well,
maybe if we go to them,
they'll make a deal.
What kind of deal do you think
those guys are gonna make?
Okay, look, he's gonna
be here in a minute,
and then, together, we're
gonna go and find the owners
- and talk to them
- And what?
Give 'em 50 grand?
- 50?
- $50,000.
In 48 hours, too.
You got that kind of cash laying around?
Well, what am I supposed to do?
You stay out of it.
You let him handle it.
- It is his mess.
- No.
Rev, you can try and talk me
out of this, but you won't.
Cam's family.
Yeah, well, that family
just obliterated any chance
either of us had to get out of here.
There must be a way to
get some money together.
We were getting some
money together, Daisy,
he right way.
There are other ways,
but they are dangerous.
We'll figure it out.

No, you won't.

I'll figure it out.
You can help, but I'll figure it out.
But that walking
disaster of a human being
is not gonna step foot
anywhere near this.
You understand?
Daisy.
Hello, Cameron.
Ah, Reverend.
I'm sorry.
About?
I'm sorry, Rev. I took the hearse again.
- I know.
- Okay, and I I hit a bike.
Yeah, I heard about that, too.
I'm sorry.
And I-I wanted to finish
off the the steering.
It's fine.
It's not fine. It's
bad. It's it's bad.
- Don't worry about it, Cam.
- I am worried about it, Rev.
I-I smashed it into a coconut palm.
It's it's gone.
Insurance is gonna cover it.
It's Uh, what does that mean?
It's just property damage.
They're covered, so insurance
is gonna take care of it.
They're gonna get a new bike.

[SCOFFS] Really?
Yeah, I-I just saw them.
I spoke to them, and they're
going bike shopping right now.
In fact, they told me to tell you
that you actually did them a favor.
I did them
[CHUCKLES]
Wow, really?
Yeah, it's all taken care of.
Oh, okay.
Wow.
Phew! Okay.
Oh, God!

[LIGHT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING]

Carol, we're gonna stick
to the signed pathway this year, hey.
Lester, what is going on here?
Hey, Rev! Fun Run tomorrow.
- Cool.
- It's registration day.
- Hey, you want a bib?
- No.
Why is registration in here?
Uh, births, deaths, and registrations.
Really?
Listen, I was thinking
it'd be a nice touch
if you could come along
and bless the finish line.
Nothing fancy, you know,
just wave a little bit
of your magic over it.
Oh, yeah, then I'll saw a lady in half.
20 minutes, Lester, then you're out.
Found them. They were at our house.
I told you, Helen. Thank you.
You gonna give it a bash this year, Hel?
Oh, I don't think I'm
quite ready for a comeback.
You should. Show us how it's done.
Tell her, Rev.
Huh?
Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, go for a run.
It's in the name.
You signing up?
Better add "heart attack"
to that odds board.
[SARCASTICALLY] Ha ha ha. No.
I am far too busy preparing for Sunday.
Oh, yeah, must be chockers now
with that Sinclair and Duncan lovefest.
Ah, yeah, totally chockers.
It's We got wine and crackers
and, well, the the
grand theological questions.
- Sounds like my book club.
- Well, exactly.
E-except there's only
one book, so, yeah.
- You signing up?
- Oh, no.
Running's not really my thing.
- I'm just helping out.
- Hmm.
But, hey, I, uh, thought
about what you said,
and I've set up a meeting with the mill
to talk through our demands.
That's great. Great. Big
change, though, right?
Wasn't your whole
thing "no negotiations"?
It was.
It's gonna be a complete waste of time.
The manager is a moron,
but, yeah, things are getting tight.
Our last pay packet was six weeks ago,
so there's pressure to have
some kind of conversation.
Wait. Pay packets, as in cash?
Didn't they go out of style
about three decades ago?
Yeah, they tried to go digital,
but the Internet is so bad here,
they had to go back to bringing in cash.
Ah, welcome to the
ends of the Earth, Rev.
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, uh, Amy.
Um, look, I-I can't promise
that it would be any help,
but, uh, maybe I could come along,
you know, be the neutral
person in the room.
I could try to give
the guy a little nudge.
Yeah, I mean, at this point,
it's it's worth a shot.
Great.
Oh, here we are my new recipe.
It's salt-reduced, gluten-free,
dairy-free carbonara.
Mm, what do we call this one
spaghetti a la fun-buster?
Ah, it's based on all the new research
about gut microflora and MS.
Well, thank you. It looks great.
I've been thinking about the Fun Run.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, I've been thinking about entering.
Seriously? Is that a good idea?
I've been feeling mostly
pretty good lately.
Sure, but running?
It's too risky.
What if you overheat
or lose your balance
and fall in the middle of the race?
I won't be there to help you.
Have a little faith.
It's only ten Ks, and I can walk it.
Besides, I used to run
all the way to the creek,
and that was double the distance.
Well, that was before.
[SIGHS]
Wasn't that long ago.
Besides, Mack said it would be fun.
Mack knows nothing about the scriptures
and even less about MS.
I think it's too risky, love.
But don't worry. I've
already packed you a kit.
I've got tea, binoculars, and biscuits.
You can get all cozy at
the finish line and watch.
Grace will pick you up at 1:00 p.m.
How does that sound?
Sounds perfect.
[SOLEMN MUSIC]
I can be a spectator
for the rest of my life.
H2O?
Thank you.
[GROANS SOFTLY] Oh,
oh, it smells beautiful.
Bon appétit.

- He's not gonna listen.
- So we will
first rule in negotiations.
No, Carol, only two
rolls of toilet paper
- per stall two.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
Yeah, got to go. Bye.
[GROANS] Coming. Hold your horses.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- You must be Rick.
- Yeah. Mm.
- Amy.
- [SIGHS]
Thank you so much for
agreeing to meet with us.
Yeah.
- I'm happy to hear anything
- [DOOR CLOSES]
That helps get everyone back to work.
Unlike some, I'm, uh
I'm not unreasonable.
We want $33 an hour for overtime
and 45 for weekends
take it or leave it.
Well, so much for small talk.
Amy, you know it's not that simple.
With the price of sugar at the moment,
we can't be handing out
that kind of increase.
Yeah, except, Rick,
you said that year ago
and the price of sugar has gone up.
Yes, and so have our overheads.
Oh, God, that's honestly.
Honest, w-we're struggling
to make a go of it.
- Oh, that is crap!
- It's not crap!
We were all working
crazy amounts of overtime
'cause he wouldn't hire any new staff.
Sure!
- Okay, okay!
- Sure!
Okay! Rick, time-out.
Amy, why don't you have a seat?
Listen, Rick, I think
what Amy is trying to communicate,
and I'm pretty sure you can tell
that she is passionate
about her cause
Oh, yeah.
Is that the workers are struggling.
They've got families
to feed and and kids,
and they're just trying to get by.
So let's start with you, with the mill.
What kind of financial latitude
are we able to work with here?
- Zero.
- Mm [SCOFFS]
Uh [CHUCKLES] Excuse me?
- Yeah, not nothing.
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, um
I'd like to pay 'em more,
but my hands are tied.
M-my bosses aren't moving.
Rick, I-I
It's not really in the
spirit of negotiations, okay?
Usually we try to meet in the middle.
Yeah, well, they won't be blackmailed.
"Blackmailed"?
And they won't negotiate
with striking workers!
Do you see what I'm dealing with?
- I don't care what they say
- This is a waste of time
The important thing
is that we're starting
to talk, all right?
- I'm done talking!
- [GRUMBLES MOCKINGLY]
Rick the Dick strikes again!
Oh, here we go with
the Rick the Dick again!
Why is it always Rick the Dick?
[QUIRKY MUSIC]

Daisy?
Daisy!
Hello.
Hey.
So
I figured out how we're
gonna pay back the bikers.
A church bake sale with $200 cupcakes?
I am gonna do the Fun Run.
Cool. Good for you.
Yeah, I'm gonna do the Fun Run,
and then I'm gonna rob the mill.
Sorry, I, um
I thought I just heard you say
that you were going to rob the mill.
15 workers times 6 weeks of salary
equals a gold mine sitting in that safe.
That's people's wages, Rev.
You can't just take that.
That's not how it works, all right?
The mill has insurance.
It's a victimless crime.
[SIGHS]
You okay?
Yep.
Did you get your test results back?
No.
Um, don't change the subject.
Right.
So, 2:00 p.m.,
everybody's gonna be at the Fun Run.
While they're looking the other way,
I get us out of this mess.
Not everyone.

[PLATE CLATTERS SOFTLY]
Officer Baramah?
Rev, what can I do for you?
I have come to talk to you about dates.
Dates?
Uh, yeah, for your wedding.
[SIGHS] Can we do that some other time?
It's good to get it in early.
Hey, I'm curious.
Are you running in the race tomorrow?
Nope, I'll be working.
Someone has to keep an eye on this town.
Listen, I'll have to check in
with about 300, 400 different people,
- but maybe October?
- Interesting.
- October's interesting?
- No, no, no, no.
I just heard that you won the race,
like, two, three years
in a row way back.
Four years.
Well, now this year
that you actually have
some real competition,
you're not running?
It's interesting is all.
That's not what this is about.
No, no, no, I get it.
I mean, you wouldn't want
to ruin your perfect record
with an embarrassing loss.
How about November?
I could beat you blindfolded.
I guess we'll never know.
Anyway, uh, let me get back to you
with some potential dates
when you're not so busy,
um, with sandwiches.
Uh, I hear springtime
in the tropics is lovely.
Maybe then.
Enjoy the race.
Enjoy your air conditioning.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[ALL CHEERING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES]

[GRUNTS]
[SIREN WAILS]
Hello? Hello, hello?
Ah, there we go.
All right, come on in, everyone.
Don't be shy.
I don't bite.
Not hard, anyway.
All right, I want to
thank you all for coming
for the annual Clump Fun Run!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
But I'm very pleased to announce
that for the first time in its history,
we have renamed the
race The Victory Run
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
In memory of our beloved Victor,
which I suppose is ironic in a way,
because in 20 years,
I can't say I ever saw
the man actually run.
Not for exercise.
Not for the bus.
One time, the kitchen was on fire.
- And even then, it was a jog.
- [SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
But nonetheless
seeing all of you here,
the whole town together
He would have loved this.
[SERIOUS MUSIC]

Helen. [CHUCKLES]
- You're running.
- Take me to the starting line.

[BOTH LAUGHING]
All right, let's get in our position.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Ready to go.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[CHUCKLES] Couldn't resist, huh?
Unlucky for you.
All right, here we go!
Ready to rock and roll!
Take your marks!
Get set!
Bang!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]

- [PIPER GRUNTING]
- Oh.

Easy there with those arms.

[GRUNTS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Go, Rev. Careful.
10,000 steps.
- Hey?
- 10,000 steps a day.
That's how much they reckon
you're supposed to do.
Who does? Doctors?
Oh, nah. Don't trust doctors, mate.
What do you mean you
don't trust doctors?
Western medicine, pill for an ill
- Fundamentally short-sighted.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Boys.
Still solving the problems of the world?
- Oh, yes, miss!
- You go get 'em, miss.
- You never saw me.
- Right-o.
She was a good teacher, actually.
Yeah, she was all right.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Keep going, keep going!
Everyone, don't stop now.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Yes, keep it coming.
Keep it coming, everyone!
Come on.
Not long to go.
Just around the bend, down the hill.
To the right, to the right.
Just down the hill, everyone.
- Just down the hill to the left.
- Come on.
Keep going, keep going. Not long now.

Hi.
Finally.
You really need to get a move on,
otherwise someone's gonna notice.
Then stop talking and start the timer.
[PANTS]
[BELL RINGS]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[DOOR RATTLING]

[PANTS] All right.

[GRUNTS]
Fuck. [GRUNTS]

Damn.

It's got to be here somewhere.

[ROCK MUSIC]
[ENGINE TURNING OVER, RUMBLING]
Oh
Okay.
[ENGINE REVVING]
Whoa.

- Come on.
- [SAFE CREAKING]

Oh.
Oh
shit.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[PANTING]
What happened? You're
running really behind.
Yeah, long story. I'll tell you later.
- Where's the money?
- Don't worry about it.
- Okay, but where's the money?
- I'll explain later.

Right, 73, done! Good job!
Oh, number 11, too. Here we go.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
Grace, where's Helen? I
thought she coming to watch.
Uh, small change of plans.
Didn't you see her? She ran the race.
She what?
You you you were
supposed to stop
She made up her mind.
There's no point in me
trying to talk her out of it.
Well
Besides, the fresh air
will be great for her.
Well, so where is she?
Ow. Ow. Ow.
Hey, man.
Hey, good job.
Yeah, thanks. Oh, wow.
Nice, uh nice medal.
- I guess you
- You'll get one.
They give an encouragement award
- for the person that comes last.
- Look, I will have you know
that it is really slippery back there,
and my shoes are terrible,
and I reinjured an old thing.
That's really bad
- Mm-hmm.
- For you.
So, uh, how does it feel
to have an empty victory,
since you didn't really beat me?
Well, maybe we'll
need to have a rematch.
Oh, yeah. Anytime, anywhere.
- Yeah, bring it on. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, let's do it.
- I'm ready.
- Cool, yeah, great.
Hey, have either of you guys seen Helen?
- No.
- What's happened?
Well, apparently she ran in the race
but didn't make any of the checkpoints.
Someone must have seen her. Helen?
Has anyone seen Helen?
Helen!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Helen!
Okay, as you head out,
make sure you grab torches and a radio.
Channel four by default.
Emergencies, channel two.
There's also mozzie
repellent by the door,
if you want to grab some as you go,
and please avoid the mangroves.
The crocs will be watching
if you're not careful,
and I do not want to be sending
out a second search party.
Okay, stay in pairs and keep
an eye out for each other.
So, um, where's the money?
- I couldn't get the safe open.
- What?
Yeah, I had to take the
whole thing, but I hid it.
- The the whole safe?
- Uh-huh.
Where did you hide it?
Aidan, you'll find
her for me, won't you?
Don't worry, Pete.
We'll find Helen if we have to turn
this rain forest inside out, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Pete, come here.
Hey, uh, Aidan?
Yeah?
Um, look, man, Daisy
and I can take the area
between the mill and the road.
No, no, all good, Rev.
Ron and Margie are out there already.
No, listen, there's a
lot of land out there,
so, uh, figured you could
use an extra set of eyes.
I appreciate that, but I've
got the most important job
of the night for you.
Someone's got to keep an eye on Pete.
Yeah. No, of course I can do that.
Great. Thanks, Rev.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Rev, where's the safe?
Helen!
- Helen!
- Helen!
- Helen!
- Helen!
- Helen!
- Ooh-eeh!
[SIGHS] Ronnie, what
if we don't find her?
Oh, love, if she's out
here, we will find her.
And don't forget I
was in the Army Reserves.
There's nothing that gets
past these eagle eyes.
- Helen!
- Helen!
Ooh-eeh!
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
What if they don't find her?
Maybe they have, Peter.
Maybe they found her,
and they are headed
out of that godforsaken
rain forest right now.
What if it gets dark and
she's still out there?
Look, man, we've got the best
people on the case, right?
So, uh, look, just
have a herbal tea and
relax or something.
What if she's had a seizure?
Or or she's lost her balance
and fallen into the river?
What if
Peter, you can't think like that, man.
Vertigo. That's happened before.
Or or paralysis.
Peter, I'm sure that she's fine.
Oh, you're sure, are you?
Y-you sure she's fine?
- B-based on what, Mack?
- I just meant that
Because my concern is based on decades
of being married to someone
with a disease that affects mobility,
who is currently lost in a rain forest!
- Okay, I get it.
- Oh, you get it now?
That's that's great,
Mack. You get it now.
That's great, Mack.
Catching up, Mack, is really
good for the situation, Mack.
- Peter, stop, stop, stop!
- No! No! No!
Come on, man.
You're a Christian, right?
So how about a little belief?
I mean, you believe in Jesus, yes?
So let's try a little faith.
Look, I'm sorry.
I really am, all right?
This whole situation just sucks.
I-it just sucks.
But bad things happen in
the world all the time, okay?
So you just need to have a little hope.
"Hope"? When God
himself is punishing me?
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- What what hope, Mack?
I give money. I pray every day.
I keep the church doors open.
I am the only person in a thousand miles
that actually lives by the Gospel.
So tell me why, Mack,
why I'm the only person
who God has left behind.
- Tell me why!
- He hasn't.
- Yeah, no, no.
- No, you
No!
God hasn't singled you out, Peter.
I mean, come on, Peter.
What do you think?
What do you think He's just
looking around, and He's like,
"You know what? That guy!
I think that guy deserves it"?
No, look at the world. Look around you.
If there is a scale
of fair to screwed up,
I think that you're at the right end.
- And where are you, eh?
- [LAUGHS] It's not
You were supposed to fix things.
You were meant to come out
here and save the church,
- and all you've done is
- What? What have I done?
Nothing! You've done nothing!
You come out here from the
other side of the world,
and you were supposed to help me.
And now you've made everything worse.
You are the most ineffectual,
lazy, theologically confused Reverend
I have ever met!
[SOFT MUSIC]

You've been waiting a while
to get that off your chest,
haven't you?

It's okay.

[SOBBING] I'm scared,
Mack. I'm so scared.
- Peter, Peter, Peter.
- I'm so
Peter.
I'm not even gonna pretend
that anything you just said
is untrue.
I can't.
Listen to me.
Me and my job
they can't dictate the
path that your life takes.
Not even God can do that.

If that's what you're waiting for,
then you're gonna be waiting
for a long, long time.

What happens if they don't
find her?

Helen didn't just disappear, Peter.
She is someplace.
It is our job to find
out where that might be.

What?

I know where she is,
Mack. I know where she is.

Helen?
Helen?
Helen.
Peter.
Hi, honey.
Everyone's been looking for you.
I've been worried sick.
I haven't been here that long.
- Oh.
- [LAUGHING] I'm sorry.
I, um
I forgot how beautiful this place is.
Are you okay? Do we need
to get you to a doctor?
- Just
- No, no. I'm I'm great.
You know it's been years
since I did my old run up here.
I don't even remember the last time.
You ran?
No.
No.
I walked, mostly.
But I did it.
Come on, let's get you
home. Come on, just
[SIGHS]
Peter, I'm not an invalid.
Of course you're not.
I know I have bad days
and good days and
but I'm still me.
I know that, darling.
Do you?
I don't need someone to remind me
of all the things I
shouldn't do I know.
I need someone to embrace
with me what I can do.
Absolutely, and I understand that.
I can do that.
B-but we need to be
more realistic as well.
- We we need to make sure
- I don't want to make sure.
Darling.
I don't want to make sure
anymore.
[CHUCKLES]
Look where we are.
This world is a wild place,
and I like it that way.
I
I want an adventure.
I don't want to make sure.
I don't need a protector.
I would like a partner.
I can do that. I can.
Partner, a-adventure absolutely.
[SOFT MUSIC]

My sweet, sweet man.
You won't understand
this yet, but you will.
When we get back
I'm going to move out.
[WHIMPERS]

[STAMMERS]

[SIREN WAILING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
God has a plan for me.
I know He does.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
I just always thought that
plan involved a wife
3 kids, and being a bishop by 40.
[SIGHS]
Can I tell you a secret?

[WHISPERING] God never spoke to me.
Wow.
Really?
I just always thought I
would have got a sign by now.
Oh.
You know, yeah, some
of the other reverends,
- they got signs.
- Really?
They got signs.
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.
Reverend Percy, he saw the Virgin Mary
in his English muffin.
- English muffin?
- Mm-hmm.
Two years later, he's
the resident priest
- at St. James Cathedral.
- Wow.
- They gave him a cathedral!
- Wow.
A cathedral?
Oh!
What do I got?
I got lockjaw.
Huh?
- And a new friend.
- Oh.
- This is nice.
- Yeah.
- Isn't this nice?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hey, baby
you got a room in the hotel?
I do.
Should we go upstairs?
Maybe.
Maybe if God gave me a sign,
they would have given me a cathedral
All right, mate, I
think you've had enough.
87 bucks.

Yes.

Put it on my room.
Yeah, we're not that
kind of hotel, mate.
Cash or card.
Uh
Of course.
Do you happen to have the time?
[DISSONANT PIANO NOTES PLAY]
Hey, hey, where do
you think you're going?
Okay. No, I can explain. I can explain.
- Where's your wallet?
- Look, I can explain.
- Come on, to the bar.
- No, no, I'm fine.
- Listen, I'm okay.
- To the bar.
Hey, we can be gentlemen.
Gentlemen, I'm not going
anywhere, gentlemen.
One arm down.
- Simon says two arms down.
- Put your hand down.
Two arms down. Do you want to be Simon?
- There's no Simon.
- I'll be I'll be Simon.
Simon says pay your bill, Paulo Keegan.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Don't use that card!
You can't use that card!
Simon, you don't
understand what that means!
- No! No! No!
- You're out!
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[WORKERS CHANTING]
[GASPS] What?

We'll get the safe [SIGHS]
Move it back to the church,
find some way to crack it open,
and everything'll be fine, all right?
It's not far now.
Yeah, well, you said that before.
Yeah, well, that is my mark,
so grab it for me, will you?
[SIGHS] I don't suppose
there's a chiropractor in Clump?
'Cause my back is just
wrecked from moving this thing.
Ow.
[SIGHING] Okay.
God is real,
and, um
I don't think He likes me very much.
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