Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s01e07 Episode Script

1
Cough up some cash, twerp.
B-but today's fishsticks.
My mom says
I need the protein.
Aah!
Can't eat if you
don't got a face.
Be afraid.
Megabully strikes again.
Hey, maynard.
Let go of him.
Beat it, shrimp.
Shrimp?
Let it go, Jade.
Unh.
Put the lunch money
down, maynard.
Hey, there's enough here
for fishsticks and pie. Aah.
Ooh.
Ooh.
That's gotta sting.
My mom always told me
not to hit girls,
but in your case,
I'll make an exception.
Gulp.
Fair warning, maynard:
I am trained in
- the ancient art of butt whup.
-Yeah, right.
-Zip it, drew.
Go on.
What you gonna do,
shrimp?
Grr
Hyah!
Unh.
Whoa.
Aaahhhh
That would be
Ms. shrimp to you.
[Cheering]
All right. Go, Jade.
What is going on here?
Jade just smacked
maynard munson down.
UhMs. Hardman,
I can explain.
Perhaps it's time
I had a chat with
your guardian, young lady.
UhUncle Jackie's
Not reachable.
He's on a business trip.
Aah!
Ooohhh
Unh.
AhhWhoo!
Good for the pores.
Heh. Enter the dragon
Exit Jackie chan.
Aah!
Stay cool, hot stuff.
[Pants] Bad day, bad day,
bad day, bad day, bad day.
Yaah!
Very bad day.
[Hissing] Valmont,
where is the dragon talisman?
My men are on it, shendu.
Your men could not find
their own shadows,
and your incompetence
continues to stupefy me.
Oh? I'll stupefy you!
Temper, valmont.
The arrogance of that
oversized lawn ornament.
Valmont, check it out.
You actually did your job?
Imagine.
You're not stoked?
I'm absolutely giddy.
[Gasps]
Whoa.
Puff the magic dragon.
Whoa.
Whoa.
And that's when
valmont's men
escaped with
the talisman.
You didn't follow them?
They could've led us
to valmont himself.
AchI was a little
preoccupied.
Captain black, the dark hand
has the dragon talisman.
If they discover the magic
it possesses
Uh, I said the "m" word,
didn't I?
Jackie! I missed you
so much.
You look like
you had a rough day.
Can I get you a cup of tea,
maybe some cookies?
New shoes?
Jade, what did you do?
Jade is in trouble
at school.
Cup of tea sounds good,
thank you. One more thing--
your place is too big.
I have to walk very far
to find a bathroom!
Uncle, what are you
doing here?
Landlord made me
leave the shop for 3 days.
Says it must
be sprayed for bugs.
This is how
I spray for bugs.
Yes, siree, it's a real
family affair
here at section 13.
Jade, what kind
of trouble at school?
Ms. hardman
just wants you to come to
a parent-teacher conference.
No biggie. Heh heh.
Sir, the U.S. mint's
under siege.
Patch me into
their surveillance.
What about tea?
Valmont.
Mobilize!
Let's rock. Unh.
Jade, you are not
a secret agent,
and we have
a previous engagement.
Remember?
[Sniffs] Hmm
Hot off the press.
What?
It's laundry money.
Company.
Valmont.
The dark hand waves
bye-bye, captain black.
Mr. chan, this is not
the first time we've had
a problem with Jade.
The swinging from gym lamps,
stilt walking with ladders,
scaling the building
with a fire hose.
Just like Jackie!
He reminds me
of a chimpanzee.
Uncle!
Ach. Now, I don't know where
Jade learned to fight--
from Jackie.
He's a good teacher.
Uncle, shh.
Ms. hardman, I assure you,
the martial arts
- are meant to discipline Jade,
not teach her to--
martial arts,
like karate?
Kung fu.
The best
self-defense.
Whole body becomes
a secret weapon.
Well, you obviously
don't provide Jade
with enough
discipline, Mr. chan.
So I will have to.
A whole week's
detention?!
What a rip.
Jade, maybe now
you will remember
that the greatest
victory
is the battle
not fought.
Unless it is fought
against bugs. Yaah!
Uh, yes,
and in your case,
that means
watching your temper.
But he called me shrimp.
[Cell phone rings]
Jackie. [Gasps] No!
The doctors say
he's lucky to be alive,
if you call that lucky.
Valmont used some sort
- of advanced explosive device.
Powerful stuff.
The dragon talisman.
Who sent these?
Valmont.
GrrrAaaahhh!
Simmer down, Jackie.
I am sorry.
I justSaw red.
Valmont, you were da bomb!
Pun totally intended.
Hey, ain't old
dragon breath
gonna start wondering
where his rock is?
Pity. It's doing wonders
for our cash flow.
One more heist, big v?
One for the history books.
[Bell rings]
Hey, Jade.
Greatest victory
battle not fought.
Greatest victory
battle not fought.
Unh.
Hyah!
Don't hurt me.
You're not looking
for revenge?
I want you to teach me
the ancient art
of butt whup.
T'ch, so you can
be a better bully?
Dream on, maynard.
The martial arts
areUhAbout
finding
the strength within
to discipline
oneself.
That-that's me.
I lack discipline,
really.
Free your mind
of all thoughts.
Aiyaaa, there is
no privacy here.
I put my bao
in the refrigerator,
and somebody ate it.
Focus only
on your breathing.
Your breathing
is slowDeep.
One more thing:
How is your friend
captain black doing?
GrrrHyah!
[Panting] II need some air.
[Inhales]
Ahh
[Alarm sounds]
A big rig was just
blown to bits
by a well-dressed
gentleman.
Where?
Route 64, outside
corydon, Indiana.
Speeding distance from
fort Knox, Kentucky
And the U.S. gold reserve.
Mobilize.
I'm going with you.
Uh, Jackie, you're not
a secret agent.
You're an archeologist,
right?
I know that, Jade.
I'm just going to
retrieve a talisman.
His anger clouds
his judgment.
I noticed.
[Muffled explosion]
What was that?
This is
a restricted area.
Official business.
I need to speak to
your commanding officer.
And you would be with?
Section 13.
Who?
The grass is always greener
on the sunnyside
of the gopher hole.
Was that always there?
I don't know.
Faster, tohru.
And lift
with your legs.
[Grunts]
A shame captain black
won't be visiting today.
I understand he had
a doctor's appointment.
Yeah, doctor's appointment,
I get it.
GrrAah!
Aah. Ooh-ooh.
Chan.
Aah! Unh.
Ohh!
Jackie chan.
Finally we meet.
It was nice knowing you.
Man: Still waiting
clearance, over.
Captain black was lucky.
But my aim has improved
with practice.
Unh. Ohh
Uh, you want
the other talismans,
don't you, valmont?
Continue.
I will make you a deal.
Show you where
section 13 is.
Was that always there?
Uhh
AahYaah!
Why, you little shrimp.
Grr
Hyah!
I'm working on it.
Unh.
Ow!
Respect your elders. Unh!
Uncle, how do you
spray for bugs?
OhLike--
ow! Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh.
One more thing.
Guh!
Hey, big bully!
Eat heavy machinery.
Whoa!
Ratso!
Whoa, Jackie!
Ow!
Heh. Hello,
driver's ed.
Unh.
Uncle, what are you
doing here?
Making sure you do not
lose your temper
and do something
foolish.
T'ch, good job, uncle.
Valmont, where are you?
Valmont!
Something is amiss.
Find valmont.
Find my talisman.
Wait here.
Jade.
But valmont's still
dragon-powered.
How is Jackie
gonna take him down?
By not fighting.
Aaaahhhh!
Glug glug glug.
You really go for
the gold, Mr. chan.
Fool's gold.
You know, valmont,
I was wondering--
what is one of these worth?
An all-expenses-paid trip
to Melvin world?
You'll pay for that.
What about these?
A new Ferrari?
Chan.
A Summer home? Your own
private island to build it on?
A robot Butler for that home?
Rraahhhrr
Blast.
Jackie.
[Coughs]
[Coughs]
A little help.
Uh, boss, visitors.
That was bad, right?
Heh. Take it easy, boss.
The doctor says you can
leave in a few days,
if you rest.
Sir, good to see you
up and at 'em.
Salvage operations
recovered the bullion
from the river bottom.
Valmont?
Which means
that dark hand
still possesses
the magic talisman.
Jackie,
the "m" word.
But you saw it.
The dragon power
injured you.
I had valmont in my sights.
AhhThe rest is a blur.
Ohh
Shendu, I beg
your forgiveness.
You may earn it, valmont.
Rumor tells of a talisman
at the north pole.
Dress warmly.
Ahh
Free your mind
of all thoughts.
Focus only
on your breathing.
Gimme the basketball,
chump.
Make me,
double-dribble breath.
Ach, don't you two know
that the greatest victory
is the battle not fought?
I make
such a good Jackie.
Jade: Hey, Jackie, what did
you wanna be
when you were young?
When I was kid?
When I was kid,
I wanted to a rich man.
And then I wanted
to be a hero.
Fireman. Policeman.
Sometimes I wanted
to be a president.
All kinds of things
I know in the real life
I cannot be.
So that's why now I really
like to be a movie star.
Why? Because I can do
whatever I like to do
in the movie
Just by being myself.
Yes.