Make Some Noise (2022) s01e07 Episode Script

1
- [Sam] Tonight, someone
who's disgusted by game shows.
It's SungWon Cho.
An overwhelmed actress accepting an Oscar,
it's Caitlin Reilly.
And professional pose model,
Brian David Gilbert.
They're all here to-
- [Group] "Make Some Noise!"
(upbeat music)
- This is "Make Some Noise,"
the game so good we spun it off unchanged.
I am your host, Sam Reich,
and here's how the show works.
I have a series of improvisational prompts
our players have never seen before.
Isn't that right, players?
- If you say so.
- Yeah.
- I haven't seen a thing.
- They will, to the best of their ability,
fulfill those prompts,
I will award them corresponding points,
and the winner will take
home the coveted Golden Ear,
or the equivalent value in Ear Bucks,
which can be spent at
any Ear Mart location.
Players, are you ready to rumble?
- Absolutely.
- Yes.
- Hell yeah.
- SungWon.
Mario walking on hot coals.
- Okay, here we go.
Ooh, hot, hot! (mimics
"Super Mario" sound effects)
Hot, hot, hot, hot!
(mimics "Super Mario" death sound effect)
Oh no!
(Sam laughs)
SungWon, thanks for playing along.
- Yeah, yeah. That's
all I'm here for, right?
I can go, now?
- Yeah, that's it.
You can punch out and
go home. Call it a day.
Yeah, an extra life
worth of points for you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- Caitlin.
- Hi.
- A woman in hell wants
to speak to the manager.
- Sure.
Hi, so yes, it is hot.
I just got here.
I'm new. I thought I was going upstairs,
so I'm lost.
Okay, I thought I was going
upstairs where it is cool.
We are outside. There are drinks.
Jimi Hendrix is up
there and I am down here
with a man named Jeffrey Dahmer,
and he's not a good conversationalist.
I am very unhappy, okay?
And I was just wondering if I could speak
to a manager about this because it is hot
and I am pre-menopausal.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
I'll wait right here.
I'm not leaving until I speak
to someone else. Thank you.
(Sam laughs)
- Ah, it's no wonder
this person ended up here
instead of the good place.
An eternity amount of points for you.
Brian.
- Mm hmm.
- Explaining the rules
to the board game Sisyphus' Boulder.
- Guys, no, seriously, like it's just,
it's a quick 40 minute to
eight hour explanation.
All right, so first off,
the thing you need to
know, victory points.
Obviously, every game has that.
But the more important
thing is the boulder.
The basic rules of this is
that what we wanna do is we
wanna go ahead, roll dice,
obviously, we just get that started.
If you get a chance card,
you can cash that in,
and it helps you push a little harder.
But usually the main mechanic of the game
is pushing the boulder.
And so, but that's the thing
is that everyone thinks
that that's the whole part
of it, but they forget.
Second phase comes up,
you roll the hot roll,
and then the boulder rolls back down.
And then, because we get
into the third phase,
it's similar to the first phase.
It's a little different
than the first phase though.
Actually, no, it's the exact
same as the first phase.
You just roll dice and
then you push the boulder
a little more and then, okay,
well then the boulder rolls back down.
- Yeah. Absolutely, Brian.
You know what, we'll say
another eternity amount
of points for you.
- Ooh.
- [Sam] Thematically, it tracks.
- So I'm fucked then.
(Sam laughs)
Got it.
- You just gotta angle for that eternity.
- Yeah.
- SungWon, we're back at you.
- All right.
- Marvel's newest villain, The Gaslighter.
- Cinematic universe or the comics?
What are we talking here?
- I think let's say MCU.
- So less interesting.
(Sam, crew laughing)
- The shade,
the shade on this stage.
- I will give you bonus points
if you do both versions.
- So, robbing a bank, I mean,
let's debate what exactly that means.
I mean, I came into the bank, sure.
And maybe I raised my voice a little bit,
but otherwise, I think I was a pretty,
you know, good employee.
I mean, don't you remember that? Hmm?
I don't know. Ooh.
And then The Gaslighting Ray goes in-
But then the cinematic version.
I came in here,
a respectable employee.
And I don't know.
I just don't know what
you're talking about.
I don't recall.
And there's no gaslighting beam because
that's too silly for the
Marvel Cinematic Universe.
- Wow, SungWon. Sure.
- That was fantastic.
- You really shouldn't be pitching this.
You should be just going
straight to the execs.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- They would eat this up immediately.
- Let's say a movie theater
tub of popcorn's worth
of points for you.
- Mm.
- Caitlin.
- Hi.
- Britney Spears's newest
single, "This Is 40."
Wake up in the mornin' ♪
There's wrinkles all over my face ♪
Yeah ♪
I'm not 25 anymore ♪
I'm 40 bitch, yeah ♪
I'm 40, bitch ♪
- Oh my God.
- I think I was actually
possessed by Britney Spears.
- Caitlin,
it's like someone fed Britney
Spears into an AI machine.
And it's what that spit out.
(Sam laughs)
It's great that she's free.
- Yeah.
- A 9:00 PM bedtime
amount of points for you.
Brian, last prompt of round one.
- Okay.
- In an alternate universe,
Mark Zuckerberg produces
a local advertisement
for his waterpark, The Wet-A-Verse.
- Thank you for joining
our talk today about
what the Wet-A-Verse means.
There are lots of things that you can do
in the Wet-A-Verse, like water slide.
But you can choose any clothes you want.
And that's why I chose
this pair of trunks.
I think it's really fun, don't you?
Moving on to how this is
going to change the future
of corporate communication.
Here, you can have up
to 18 different people,
all in a hot tub at the same time,
to discuss your plans for your business.
Thank you so much.
We can't wait to ruin the next democracy.
(group laughs)
- Brian! My God, man.
80-foot drop amount of points for you.
That brings us to our first mini game.
Players, this is a little game we like
to call Wrong Answers Only.
This one's pretty specific.
Even more alternate universe Spider-Mans.
And what that means is I'm
gonna set you up at first
with some Spider-Mans to
do your interpretation
of those Spider-Mans.
- Sure.
- But very quickly after a warmup round,
I'm gonna leave it open to
you pitching me Spider-Mans.
SungWon.
- Yeah.
- Goofy Spider-Man.
- Okay, here I go.
Oh, ho, ho, wee!
Woo hoo wee!
Whoa!
Gorsh!
Splat, dies, I guess.
- That is a very
refined impression.
- Caitlin!
- Yes.
- Mean girl Spider-Man.
- I don't know what your mom said,
but those jeans are way too small for you.
(group laughs)
Did you know that your eyes
are the same color as dog shit?
LOL.
(group laughs)
Jason me that he liked
girls that were taller.
(Sam laughs)
- What was that last noise?
(mimics web shooting)
Brian.
Afraid of spiders Spider-Man.
- Ha ha, sorry, Green Goblin,
that's gonna, oh my Jesus Christ.
When did you start keeping tarantulas?
I know you're like a villain,
but like, why do you.
Ah! Please, just like,
you have the flyer
anyway, Norman, let's go.
Come on.
- Excellent, Brian.
And now I will leave it to you, players.
(buzzer rings)
- Caitlin.
- This Keira Knightley Spider-Man.
- Incredible.
- Excuse me.
Don't mean to be a bother,
but you cannot blow up New York City.
I have to entrap you in a web.
I know it sounds preposterous, but I do.
And it's going to be
coming out of my wrists.
Peter ran away. I'm Spider-Man.
I'm Spider-Man. Please, stop.
- I love Spider-Man.
(group laughs)
(buzzer rings)
- SungWon.
- Werner Herzog Spider-Man.
- Love it.
- Hello you nefarious villain,
I am the hero that is here
to stop your antics.
Although, really, what is crime?
If you are taking away from corporations,
then truly there is no shame in that.
So I will let you escape.
- Brilliant, SungWon! Absolutely!
(buzzer rings)
- Spider-Man but he's in
the movie "Waterworld."
- Fantastic.
- This fucking sucks.
(group laughs)
- Yeah, that about does it, Brian, yeah!
(buzzer rings)
SungWon.
- Disgusted by his own web Spider-Man.
- There you go.
(Sam laughs)
(SungWon grunting and gagging)
(retching)
(buzzer rings)
- Caitlin.
- This is Katherine Hepburn Spider-Man.
- Oh wow.
- You see the difference between you
and me is that I'm Spider-Man.
- What!
(laughing)
- And I'm gonna save that city
and there's nothing that
you can do about it.
- I straight up wanna see that Spider-Man.
- Spider-Man but he's obsessed
with the Christopher
Nolan "Batman" movies.
(mimicks webs shooting)
Hey, you guys burgling something?
I'm not a 16 year old
boy, that's for sure.
Does anyone have a lozenge?
(Sam laughs)
- That brings us to round two,
where our players must
now test their talents
in teams of two.
SungWon.
- Yeah.
- And Caitlyn.
- Okay.
- Two Saturday morning cartoon VO artists
who, looking at their faces,
you can tell are completely over it,
but listening to their
voices, you would never know.
- Do you want Reggie to start
or do you want me to start?
- I mean, I can start.
Oh boy, Jenny, I can't
wait to go to the picnic.
- Picnics are my favorite!
Remember that last time
we went to the picnic
and we almost got stung
by a bunch of bees.
- Golly, gee willikers,
that sure was a fright!
- I don't know if I
ever told you this, but,
I'm so excited.
- Excited for what?
Your birthday tomorrow?
- It's my birthday tomorrow?
- Oh no. I ruined the surprise.
- That's okay.
I've never loved anyone more
than I've ever loved you.
I could skip for hours
and hours and hours-
Hey, can I take a break?
Because I feel like I'm
gonna actually throw up.
- This material is just
fucking beneath me.
- I wanna put a bullet between my eyes.
- I went to Juilliard for this shit.
- I will cut you off there.
Both of you.
An after minimum amount of
points for the two of you.
Caitlin and Brian.
An industrial training video
in which it's fundamentally
unclear what the company does.
- Welcome to the Family of
Advanced Technology Corp.
- Here at the Family of
Advanced Technology Corp,
we take care of you and your families,
as well as other families,
and families surrounding
those families as well
with our high end technology
of today, the 2000 Viper.
- And of course,
the 2000 Viper is what you've
joined our family to do.
- Yes.
- And you will do it.
(Sam laughs)
- To install the 2000 Viper
inside of your home, you
simply call this phone number
at the bottom of the screen.
(laughing)
And then a large van
or two, depending on the day,
will show up to your house
and install the 2000 Viper
at the far end of your house.
That night, go to sleep at 11:00 PM.
After that, wake up and
the Viper will be installed
and your family will be working.
- And what does it do?
(laughing)
Correct.
- I'll cut you off there.
What does it do, waiting for
them to fill in the blanks.
Yeah, a two month trial
period worth of points
for the both of you.
Brian and SungWon.
Wizards trying to one up each other
with cryptic last words.
- And that's the last
you'll see of me, perhaps.
- As the prophecy foretold.
- I'm sorry, which
prophecy are you speaking
about right now?
- You know,
the one that are all wizards know,
you don't know that one?
- No,
I know the wizard prophecy.
I went to wizard school,
and you know what?
I'll see you some Tuesday.
- All of this went according to plan.
- But is that, the plan,
when you discussed the plan,
did you mean the prophecy or was-
- The prophecy and the plan
are two separate things.
- Oh okay.
- You seem like
a very insecure wizard, now.
- We'll see who's insecure soon.
- Time will tell.
- Oh, when you say time, do you mean the-
- Jesus Christ!
- Brilliant, the two of you.
Parts that each of you were born
to play in your own way.
A dragon's hoard amount of
points for the both of you.
SungWon.
- Yeah.
- And Caitlin.
A villain and their real estate agent
tour volcano lairs.
- Now, as you can see,
this one has a lot of old lava rock,
and it is about to erupt.
Why don't you let me know
if I'm getting hot or cold.
(laughing)
- What is the temperature of this lava?
- It would be about
9.000 degrees Fahrenheit.
I'm a Fahrenheit girl.
So I don't know. Don't ask me.
I don't get science, but it's hot.
It is hot. I mean, the square footage.
You could put a bed there.
You could have an open
kitchen situation here.
I mean, the space speaks for itself.
- Soundproofing. How easy?
If you hear scream, neighbors
are bothered?
- Oh, not at all.
No, the closest volcano to
this volcano is like 35 miles
that way.
- Ah, okay, okay.
- There are occupants there, though.
- Mm, okay.
- McGorg lives there.
- McGorg.
- Is that gonna be a problem?
Because I'd really like you
to get this down payment in.
- Sure, why don't we take a
closer look at lava, shall we?
Maybe inspect it
a little more.
- Okay.
- Cool.
- And I'll cut you off there.
Let's say an eruptive amount
of points for the both of you.
- Thank you.
- Caitlin and Brian.
An audition scene between
an experienced performer
and a terrible casting assistant.
- Hi, thank you so much for coming in.
- Yeah.
- We can start with your height,
no, your name.
- Yeah.
Do you want me to slate?
- Yeah, yeah. Yes, that's
what I want you to do.
Yes.
- Okay. Amazing.
My name is Annabel Lee, I'm five six,
and I'm based out of
Los Angeles, California.
Whenever you're ready.
- Oh, no, I just watched my
own mother die getting impaled.
- Jessica, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
I'm supposed to be crying in the-
- Just read them.
- Oh, oh!
- And then I'll, 'cause I.
- 'Cause I'm not the
acting, I'm not actor.
I'm not the actor, but okay.
- Yeah.
- Oh no. I just saw that my
mom died by getting impaled.
- Jessica, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay. I hated her.
And so I'm not as sad as maybe I could be.
- As your friend,
I think it's important for me to say,
I've always had a thing for you.
(Sam laughs)
- So the stage directions,
I'm supposed to embrace you?
- You don't have to.
- Okay, I just was-
- I just thought- I just thought.
- I will cut you off there.
as we realized the pantomime
was not a pantomime.
(laughing)
Yes, a don't call us, we'll
call you amount of points
for the both of you.
Last prompt of round two,
Brian and SungWon.
Dueling anime characters
over-explaining their every move.
- The vibrations of that sound.
It instills fear into my
heart to intimidate me.
But little does he know
- There's no way!
No one's seen that pog for generations.
I thought it was a lie
or a myth, perhaps both.
- You fool.
- Huh?
- It's a slammer!
- But wait!
If I can reach out just in time,
I can potentially throw
out my secret weapon.
(Sam laughs)
- Draw four UNO?
- I've confused him.
- I draw four pogs from my pocket.
I play them in an array.
- Oh!
- You know what that means, right?
- He's doing the array!
- The array.
- The array!
- Of the four.
- There's no way he could do
the four array!
(laughing)
So you're gonna have to
explain that one to me.
- Okay, yeah.
- 'Cause I haven't seen this in years.
- So the four array-
- Yeah, I'll cut you
off there.
- If you watch the guide.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(Sam laughs)
- Yeah, a critical damage amount
of points for the two of you.
That brings us to round three
of our game, where our players
will now hold hands and
jump into the abyss as one.
SungWon, Caitlin, Brian.
Three mafiosos, Mr. Nice, Mr. Mean,
and Mr. In-Between.
- So we heard someone squealed.
Look, I don't wanna be the bad guy here,
but I'll tell you something.
I got a bat out back and
it's hit dozens of kneecaps.
I'm handing it over to
my friend over here.
- Listen, listen.
You come into our place of business
with questions and offerings
of help and support.
And I just gotta say that
I'm more than happy to help
and support you, free of charge.
You are my-
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
So, dozens is a lot.
That's an exaggeration.
Two times, three times, you know?
And they were light, you
know, just like a little boop.
You know, it's like going to the doctor,
getting your reflexes checked.
- Look, I get it,
I just don't like when
you undermine the things
that I've been putting out first.
- Yeah.
- We've talked about this
in our meetings.
- I'm so rude,
do you need a glass of water or something?
- No, 'cause he hasn't had a
glass of water in six days.
He's not gonna get one now.
You don't have to.
- It's a warm glass of water.
It's not particularly
refreshing, but, you know.
- I don't know what's come over me,
but let's give you money.
- No, that is the absolute opposite
of what we've-
- Monopoly money-
- I will cut you off there.
- I don't know what accent that was.
It went five different places.
- A gabagool amount of
points for all three of you.
SungWon, Caitlin, Brian.
Internet comments that people
think are nice, but aren't.
- Surprisingly funny for how you look.
- Low budget as shit,
but pretty manageably well worth watching.
- I liked his old stuff better,
but I think it's pretty interesting
he went in this direction.
- You seem to do the same
stuff over and over again,
but entertaining nonetheless.
These are just comments I've received.
- I know! Yes, I know!
Brilliant and deeply personal.
A passive aggressive amount of
points for all three of you.
A scene between two actors
where they clearly ADR'd
one of them.
- Listen, if we don't
find grandmother's chest,
then the moon is gonna burn so bright
that everyone's skin is gonna fall off.
- Well, maybe that's what,
that is supposed to happen.
You know? Maybe we deserve this fate.
- You really want grandma's curse
to take over the entire city?
- Listen, it's not my
fault that grandma decided,
"Hey, let's just turn everyone
into spiders all the time."
That's not my fault.
- Since you're my older brother,
you know that the oldest
of the Clafkin family
can only recite the spell
and then the spell will be
broken for the blood moon.
- Okay. I'll start doing the chant.
But we gotta do it together, in unison.
- Okay. Okay.
- Ready?
One, two, three, go!
Spiders, spiders, go away.
- Spiders, spiders, go away.
- Spiders, spiders.
- Spider spiders.
- Get the hell out
- Get the
- Of here, man.
- Hell out of here, man.
- I'll cut you off there.
That was absolutely brilliant.
A take 127 amount of points
for the three of you.
A third grader got a hold of the script
for this medical drama and
changed some of the words,
à la Mad Libs.
- I hope the ER's ready
because we got someone coming
in here with a butt disease.
- Cowabunga, dude.
- That is so, so penis.
- We- He's going into AFib!
We definitely need the sponges.
- Okay.
- Not the red sponges.
Get the chunky sponges.
- Live, goddamn it!
I hope you live until you're 157.
- What's gonna happen
to his wife, Poopy Butt?
- I'm sorry. He's farted.
- And I'll cut you off there.
Look at the three of you,
just a regular old improv troop up here.
Who would've thought.
- We were also working
in a line.
- [Sam] Yes, absolutely.
- That's how it's done
at the ER.
- Yes, exactly, yeah.
- A malpractice amount of
points for all three of you.
Players, that brings us to
the final prompt of the game.
- Oh my God.
- I'm as sad as you are.
Questions and comments your relatives have
about your career.
- Now, have you ever thought
about doing Shakespeare,
sort of on the street?
Like, you know, those street performers?
You could make some extra
cash that way. Put out a hat.
- Do you know Steven Yeun?
He's Korean, too, you know.
- I thought what you made was so creative.
Have you considered maybe getting an MBA?
(Sam laughs)
- You ever met Amy Schumer?
She's like the only other
funny woman I know, so.
- Shit, that is so real.
- Oh, you do voice acting?
Like what?
Can you list all of them?
Just all of them.
- And are you the kind of
YouTuber that pranks old people
or is that a different kind of YouTuber?
- Wait, okay, okay.
No, do something funny.
Do something funny!
- You know, what would make
a super funny sketch for you?
Okay, so if, I had the
dream once and oh my God,
it was so wild, 'cause
I was there and like,
but like imagine if your third
grade teacher was also there.
No, that's it, that's the
whole, yeah, that's it.
- I have this amazing idea for a video.
You come into my store, right?
And you're like using, hold
on, you're using my products.
And then so like it could
be like, "Mom in store"
or like "Person in store", right?
I just think that would
be like an amazing thing
that you could do.
- You would be so good
if they ever bring "The
Big Bang Theory" back.
(group laughs)
- That hurts.
- I'll cut you off there.
Man, did I feel all of those to my core,
perhaps especially that "Big
Bang Theory" one, Brian.
That brings us to the end of our show.
Our winner this episode is
Caitlin Reilly.
(Caitlin gasps)
- Oh my God!
- Caitlin,
you are the recipient of
the coveted Golden Ear.
And we have come full circle.
That does it for us here
at "Make Some Noise."
Tune in next time for
more of the game samer.
I'm Sam Reich and that
sounds pretty good to me.
Good night.
(audience applauds)
(relaxing jazz music)