Mr. D (2012) s01e07 Episode Script

1
You're gonna like this.
Dark Ages.
The Dark Ages were called
the Dark Ages becau
Because it was a period
of intellectual darkness
that followed the decline
of the Roman Empire.
No because there
were so many "nights."
Knights! Come on, seriously?
Knights!
No, don't write this down.
Are you guys kidding me?
- It's like a riddle?
- No, it's not a riddle,
it's a joke. It's a joke,
it's a very clever joke.
So which answer's right?
Seriously, Jonathan?
Both answers are right.
Both, I will accept my answer,
or Sheila's answer on the test.
Mine is a better answer,
a funnier answer.
It's too funny. It's over your heads,
that's the problem. It just went whoosh.
Too clever, I'll dumb it down
a bit for you next time.
Bobbi?
- Yeah?
- Phys-ed department update.
Mr. Webster will not be
- returning to us.
- Mm-hmm. Why?
You're gonna need a replacement
right away.
Gerry, would you like to have this
- conversation with Bobbi?
- Yes. Bobbi?
Gerry, you can't, you don't
know what I'm going to say.
I have an idea.
The point is, when two
people are talking,
you don't interrupt,
so point taken.
No, you can't say something
and then say point taken.
I could say point taken on what
you said, but I didn't
because I didn't agree with it. Now,
you could say point taken to what I said.
I could, yeah.
Stop talking, the point is, we need to move
fast on this so I need resumes on my desk
as soon as possible. Like ASAP!
Point taken, which means
I agree, I get it.
I'm gonna do that, understand?
You guys are aware Mr. Webster's
no longer at the school?
- What happened to Mr. Webster?
- It doesn't matter what happened.
Heard he started dating
a girl in grade 12.
Jimmy, you can't spread
rumors like that.
I'm stating facts, sir.
Who? Who who was the girl?
I heard it was Jenna Bledsoe.
- She's such a slut.
- Maya! You can't say that
a student's a slut!
That is ridiculous.
Why would you say she's a slut?
- Just the stuff I heard she does with guys.
- Would you stop!?
Like what? Like what kind
of stuff? What kind of stuff?
No, you know what? This is silly.
Point is, I'm gonna be
moving into the phys-ed
department, I think.
I saw a phys-ed looking guy in the main
office this morning. I bet he gets the job.
Why would you say he gets it?
Just 'cause he looks
like a phys-ed teacher.
There's no such thing,
that, I, I'm a phys-ed looking
guy then, maybe I'll get it.
- He's younger.
- Younger?
- Younger.
- How old do you guys think I am?
- 46.
- How old?
- 46.
- 46.
- You think I'm 46?
- Every day I walk in here,
I look at your face and I say 46.
- I see 32 when I look at you. How does that make you feel?
- Awesome.
Awesome?! 46 how many
people think I'm 46?
Oh, you
Oh, my God.
Ah, just like I told you, Ms.
Mason can often be found
hard at work at her desk.
Or at least pretending to be hard at work.
- Mr. Cheeley, you're hilarious.
- Guilty.
Ms. Mason, this is Rebecca Lewis,
your new student teacher.
Hi, it's really nice
to finally meet you.
I'll be evaluating Rebecca based
on her teaching here at Xavier.
In fact, Rebecca's teaching
future is in my hands, literally,
but from what I've seen so far
things are looking pretty good.
Well, we'll have to see.
Good thing I'm the one
doing your evaluation, huh?
Mr. Cheeley! Behave!
Please, call me Robert Cheeley.
- Hey, Gerry.
- Karl.
- Phys-ed interview?
- Uh, yes.
Oh, no worries. Been
like that most of my life.
Oh, sorry.
- Lawnmower?
- No.
No so how do you teach
soccer throw ins? 'Cause that
'cause a one, a one-arm
throw-in is illegal.
It's against the rules
archery? Stuff like
Hey, you must be Karl.
Thanks for coming in
on such short notice.
Um, your, uh, ah,
your resume
Ah, your resume looks great and I'm just,
I'm just going to go
to a quick meeting with the
vice principal and I'll be right back.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Well, good luck, Karl.
- Thanks.
All right, hope
the interview goes well.
- Was it a windmill?
- No.
Not a windmill.
So Ms. Lewis and Mr. Cheeley will be
spending a few days in our class this week.
I'll take it from here, Ms. Mason.
Now, I know for a fact
that when Ms. Lewis starts
teaching later this week, you
will extend to her, the same
level of courtesy and respect
you give to Ms. Mason.
- Maybe more.
- I wouldn't say more.
Please, Ms. Mason, don't
interrupt me when I'm speaking
to the students. Carry on.
If you wanted to say something to
the class on your first day, go for it.
Sure, okay. Hey, guys.
I'm super excited to be here.
You might find that my approach to teaching
is a little bit different than Ms. Mason's,
but I don't mean this in a bad
way or anything,
but mine might
be a little more fun.
- So dress casual tomorrow.
- Ms. Lewis?
- Yeah.
- We wear uniforms.
Right, well, in your minds then.
Oh, we can't use
phones in the school.
Oh, it's cool, I've got four bars.
Okay, let's start
from our last class.
Now who can tell me what the
largest mountain range in Europe is?
Oh, I loved Europe.
Can't wait to go back.
Sounds like you've been
bitten by the travel bug, huh?
- Definitely.
- You know a place I love going?
- What?
- French Guiana.
It's amazing, a little
taste of Europe down south.
- Beautiful beaches, amazing wines.
- Oh, sounds great.
In the Oxford Dictionary, a mountain is
defined as a natural elevation
of the Earth's surface rising
There you are.
Yeah, okay. Thanks.
- My resume.
- I'm just in the middle of
something Gerry, okay?
Don't really have time for it
- right now, okay?
- Got it.
- Oh!
- Hey.
Well, hello me.
I feel like I'm looking in the
mirror right now, are you serious?
- Excuse me?
- Um, Jeff, this is Gerry,
he's one of our social
science teachers.
- Oh, hey. Nice to meet you.
- You too, this is
I'm sorry -This is
Oh gosh -Listen, thanks very much
for your time and I look forward
to hearing from you.
- Yeah, great.
- Gerry, nice to meet you.
- See you around?
- Yeah, you know where you'll see me?
In the mirror.
I've heard of having a twin
in the world, this is insane
that you're right we met.
Wait, so Jeff's your twin?
So this fit young guy,
- you're thinking he's your twin?
- Twin. You can't hire him.
Sorry, there's no way.
- It would be so confusing for everybody.
- 'Cause he's your twin?
- Yeah, exactly.
- Thank you so much.
I so appreciate your time.
- Good luck, man.
- Gerry, good to meet you.
Even our names sound the same.
What are you
talking about? Jeff, Gerry?
- They don't sound any
- No, say it fast. Jeff, Gerry.
- Jeff, Gerry.
- Jeff, Gerry. Faster.
- Jeff, Gerry.
- Jeff, Gerry. Really fast, see?
Well, your twin was really good.
Well, good, that means I'm
going to be really good.
You can have the real Gerry
or the fake Gerry.
Sir, I wanted to talk to
you about the phys-ed posi
Oh, my gosh!
Those are quite the shorts.
Bobbi's taking care of that.
Look, I was just about
to do some yoga,
helps with my Krav Maga.
Heard baby powder
helps with that too.
Really? Baby powder
helps with Israeli
- martial arts training?
- No, I have not heard that.
Interesting. Sir, if I get into
phys-ed, I'm gonna do yoga.
- I'm gonna do Krav
- Krav Maga.
All right, you can stay.
Just be quiet.
Why am I looking at this?
Robert, I think we have
a problem with Rebecca.
- Oh, no, is she in danger?
- No, no. She's not prepared
to teach yet. You're not
honestly gonna give her a good
- evaluation, are you?
- Is she good-looking?
- Oh, yeah.
- There's your answer.
Lisa, look. You don't get to
be vice-principal at Xavier.
Academy by playing favorites.
I think you're being
a little hard on Rebecca.
Am I? Because I saw her
this morning
hanging out with
students in the parking lot.
Unbelievable.
That is going above and
beyond the call of duty.
Getting to know the students like that?
That is so progressive.
She was supposed
to be observing my class.
What if I hold off on
passing any kind of judgment
until Rebecca's finished
her practicum?
Fine. Just, please, be honest
when you evaluate her.
Lisa, you don't get to be vice
principal at Xavier Academy
You already said that, Robert.
That was for the
"don't play favorites" part.
- This is a different part
- Yeah, we get that.
- You're so great.
- Mm-hmm.
Done spreading rumors
about Mr. Webster yet?
Sir, I'm just telling you
what I heard. There's Jenna
right over there, you
can go ask her yourself.
Well, I've already told
you, I have no interest in
hearing about this Mr. Webster
with a student. Which one?
Which one Which girl?
Hey, wasn't done talking, Jimmy.
- Ahhhhhh, Jenna Bledsoe?
- I'm Jenna.
Oh, wow wow, you're Jenna.
Yes, sir, do you need me
for anything?
So are you related
are you related to Drew Bledsoe?
- Quarterback?
- I don't think so.
OK, that was okay.
I like that, that's
neat, it hurts I bet.
Peace, girls.
What was Webster thinking?
Ms. Lewis will be teaching our class
today so please pay attention and
So, without further ado,
Ms. Lewis. Stand up.
Now, watch.
Trust me, I know people.
Okay, class, how much
do you know about Amsterdam?
- Yes?
- It's in the Netherlands.
No, I mean, like how much
do you know about Amsterdam?
You need to realize you can't
learn everything from a textbook.
For example,
I was in Amsterdam one summer.
I ended up with no money. Nothing.
Do you think knowing that
Amsterdam was in the Netherlands
would have helped me? No.
I made it out of that jam through
hard work and street smarts
and you know, just being open to
whatever and whoever came along.
I danced double,
even triple shifts,
I even got used to that red
light in my face all the time.
Within a couple months, I was
finally on my way back home.
Now you show me where it
teaches you any of that
in your precious textbooks.
Well? Care to apologize?
Hey, we need to move your
interview up to tonight
- Is that okay with you?
- Yeah. Hey, uh, how are
- the interviews going?
- Yeah, good. Some duds,
- but some good ones too.
- Yeah. How's the guy that
my, my twin, like the guy that
Jeff, my brother from anoth
- One of the good ones.
- He was, he was one of the good.
Wow, that's good for
well, you got a Jeff
you got a Jeff already in the school.
So I could so it just
make it would be
easier 'cause I would
- Yeah, I got it.
- Cool.
Your resume was really
impressive Gerry, okay?
Oh, thank you, Bobbi.
You didn't make any
of that up, did you?
No. No.
I don't, I'm not a skeet shooter.
I didn't, I don't skeet shoot.
- Yeah, that was the one I doubted.
- Okay.
Why did she think I made stuff up?
I might not have been on
the dean's list
every year.
See, at job interviews,
what they do is they try to
trick you, they ask you
"What are your weaknesses?"
I make some up.
"I try too hard. I care too much."
That way it feels like a weakness,
but it's a strength.
Just a trick, you can do that.
It's hard when you don't really
- know what your weaknesses are.
- Sir, uh, I could suggest
- some weaknesses for you.
- Okay, give me a weakness.
Uh, you leave in the
middle of the class a lot.
Okay, not a lot, but I gotta go
to the washroom sometimes.
You get to leave, why can't I?
- You definitely have ADD.
- ADD is not a weakness.
It's a strength, 'cause I can
girls, please, back there
'cause I can think
of many things at once.
See that? I was talking and
then I noticed them.
Stop playing with the paper.
All right? That's a strength.
This is amazing, by the way.
I can't believe how
bright it is. Get me some
- of those highlighters.
- Your tests are too easy.
Jimmy, Jimmy's failing.
Are my tests too easy?
- No.
- No. Unh-unh. Nice try.
- You show a lot of movies.
- You know what? You talk too much.
That's a weakness.
So if you go to a job and they say,
"What are your weaknesses, Ben?"
"I talk too much." "See ya."
Write that down. Oh, remember
the other day, everybody,
Maya was talking about the guy
who looked like a phys-ed teacher?
- He had one arm.
- What's wrong with one arm?
That's not funny, that's sad,
but he does not look like
a phys-ed teacher with one arm.
So, Maya's weakness
is her eyesight.
Maya over here.
That's your weakness,
can't see arms on people.
That might cost you a job.
Well, I have written an awful
lot of evaluation letters in my time
and I'm known for being
a bit of a tough Gus,
but I don't know if I've ever written
a letter that glows like this one.
Well, thank you, Robert.
And now here we are huh?
After a short, but intense period,
faced with the difficult
task of having to say
- Yeah, okay.
- Hey!
Love to hear more about
Amsterdam sometime.
- Heck, we could even go.
- That'd be fun. I'll call you.
Great!
Does she have your number?
- Let me have this.
- Okay.
- Mr. Duncan.
- Hello.
- What's with the flowers?
- Those are for you.
Why would you bring flowers
to a job interview?
Oh, I thought it was
something that was nice
It's a little unprofessional.
Yeah, not to
mention sexist, Gerry.
How is it sexist?
Well, did you bring any
flowers for Mr. Cheeley?
- Yeah, flowers for me?
- Oh, okay and I did.
You thought that you could win
me over by buying me flowers
because I'm a woman?
Okay, that is just sexist.
It's not sexist is you're
a woman on the same team
- as all the women.
- What?
- What?
- Are you saying
that you think I'm a lesbian?
I mean, the fact that I have a live-in
boyfriend of eight years that's
not enough of a clue to you?
We read that, we read that wrong.
Yeah. Let's get this over with.
Okay. Whew.
Look, Mr. Duncan,
the truth of the matter is
- we're gonna hire Jeff for the position.
- Yeah.
But, I don't why?
I'm Jeff. You have Jeff in me.
You have me here already.
Have you told him? Can we
No, no, the reality
of the situation is this
Oh, I get it
you hired a guy
that looks like me,
acts like me, is me,
same age as me,
so you wouldn't lose me
in the social sciences department.
Yeah, that's it.
It would just be easier for us
to hire a phys-ed teacher
from outside the school than
disrupting the social sciences
department entirely, you know?
- I get it. It makes sense.
- Yeah.
- From your perspective, that would be a lot easier.
- Yeah.
It's gonna be confusing
for Jeff and me.
Okay, I get it. Well, I thank you.
Mr. Cheeley, thank you,
and, Ms. Galka, thank you.
All right.
I can't believe
he thought I was a lesbian.
I know, I haven't
thought that for years.
- Ever since I met Craig.
- What, that's when you knew?
Mm-hmm.
Huh.
Hey, I hear we have
a new PE teacher.
Yeah, they couldn't give it
to me 'cause it would have
screwed up the whole social
sciences department, so
- Oh, well, that's good.
- Have you seen him?
- No, is he cute?
- Oh, you'll see,
not really for me to say,
but you'll understand.
- How old is he?
- Oh, probably about my age,
probably the exact same age
oh, did you hear Mr. Webster got fired
- for dating a student?
- What?!
Yeah, Jenna Bledsoe,
have you seen Jenna Bledsoe?
- No.
- If I was gonna lose my job for dating a student,
it would not be Jenna Bledsoe.
That's, that's gross.
That's really gross.
I'd never do it.
I'm saying if that was
Bobbi, glad you fired Mr. Webster.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause that was wrong.
No, he didn't get fired,
his wife got transferred to a new city.
You idiot.
Well, somebody better
tell Jenna Bledsoe.
Poor Jenna.
- Hey!
- Oh, hey, congrats,
- by the way.
- Thanks. Gerry, right?
Yeah, Gerry,
the kids call me Mr. D.
- Yeah.
- You may start getting that.
Well, look, looking forward
to working with you.
It's, ah, first day
tomorrow so I gotta
Why don't we have
a quick little one-on-one?
Oh, yeah, I'm not really
dressed for it today.
Come on, just one basket. Come on.
- All right, one basket.
- All right, age before beauty
- Yeah, and strength.
- Okay.
Nope, no, no, no, carry.
- You went like that.
- Okay.
- Close.
- All right.
Okay, good try.
Miss, miss, miss,
miss, miss, miss.
Hey, Gerry, thanks a lot,
that was a lot of fun.
That was fun.
That was a blast. Foul.
- That was a foul.
- Later, Gerry.
Okay.
Big time foul.
Damn.