The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show (1983) s01e07 Episode Script

Guess what?
There's a girl at the front
door asking about you.
She has red hair and she
April Fool!
You're an easy target, Charlie Brown.
You know, Charlie Brown,
you never get that excited
when I come around.
Do you think I'm beautiful,
Charlie Brown?
You didn't answer right away.
You had to think about it, didn't you?
If you really thought I was beautiful,
you would have spoken right up.
I know when I've been insulted.
I know when I've been insulted.
Good grief.
You know your problem, Charlie Brown?
You're weak.
You're wishy-washy.
You're dull and you're boring.
I don't know what else I can say.
The way I see it, Charlie Brown,
your faults simply
outweigh your virtues.
I wish there was some way
to demonstrate what I mean.
I have it.
I think I can give you
a graphic presentation
which will help you see
yourself as you really are.
This board will represent an
evenly balanced personality.
Now, on one side,
I'll place this pebble
which represents all of your virtues.
On the other side,
I'll place this boulder
which represents
your countless faults.
Now, watch what happens.
Don't you think you're
lucky to have me around
to point out these things
in such a graphic manner?
What's this?
Oh, it's just a little picture
I drew of a man on a horse.
Oh, I just love horse pictures.
Could I have it, Charlie Brown?
Could I have it to hang on my wall?
Well, I guess so.
If you think it's good
enough, I mean
And how about signing it?
Will you sign it too?
Will you put your name on it?
All right.
What do you want me to do?
To sign my name or what?
You were gonna do it, weren't you?
You really thought I wanted to hang this
stupid picture on my wall, didn't you?
And even thought I
wanted you to sign it.
I can't stand it.
I better go see my doctor.
What are you doing?
What do you mean, what am I doing?
I'm walking.
What did you expect to see me doing?
Aren't you going to be in your
psychiatry booth today?
I have a problem.
Sorry.
Today's my day off.
Go see my assistant.
Well, my problem is
mainly one of insecurity.
I guess I just don't
seem to be able to
What in the world kind of
assistant do you have anyway?
He fell asleep while
I was talking to him.
Really?
Gee, I'm sorry.
I apologize.
Maybe I can help you.
What's your problem?
Well, I was telling him about this
insecure feeling I have and
I've been thinking, Charlie Brown.
Maybe you ought to
be a newspaper boy.
Well, I'd like to be, yes.
I think I'd like to have
my own paper route.
Then you should learn how
to roll and fold a paper
so you could toss it on a doorstep.
Here, let me show you.
See, you fold it across the
second column like this.
Then you roll it like this
until you get it like this.
And then you tuck this part
in here and twist it like this.
Now you're all set to throw it!
Another thing you have to be
able to do is to get customers.
If you want to know about that,
feel free to ask.
Thank you.
I figured it out, Charlie Brown.
If you stay depressed
for two more days,
you'll make it into the
Book of World Records.
Wow! That's great!
You just blew it.
There must be something
I could be good at.
I've got it, Charlie Brown.
I've finally figured out what
you might be good at.
What, Lucy?
You can hold one end
of the rope while I jump.
I can't stand here all day
turning this stupid rope.
Why doesn't she ever miss?
This could go on forever.
I've got to get home.
I have a whole lot of homework to do.
And my favorite TV program
comes on in 15 minutes.
I think I'll just tell her that
I have to quit and go home.
My arm is getting numb.
I can't even feel my fingers anymore.
I think I'll just throw the rope
down and tell her I'm quitting.
I think I'll just let go and walk away.
Ten thousand.
Ten thousand and one.
Ten thousand and two.
Ten thousand and three.
Got a way to go, Charlie Brown.
Good grief.
Rats!
That's the fourth time today
the wind has blown off my cap.
Well, at least it's a good
day for flying kites.
Whoops!
There it goes again.
I'll get it, Charlie Brown.
You watch the kite.
Thank you.
Now you hold on to the kite
until I start running with it.
Rats! I'm the world's worst kite flyer.
Here's your cap, Charlie Brown.
It flew clear across the street.
Whoops!
There it goes again.
I have a suggestion to
make, Charlie Brown.
Why don't you try wearing
the kite and flying your cap?
Run, boy, run!
Keep those feet moving!
Let out some more string!
Keep going! Keep going!
You got it up, Charlie Brown!
You've got it up!
It's flying!
It's really flying!
It's really
That's the first time I've
ever seen a kite explode.
The strangest thing just happened.
I was standing out on the lawn
when all of a sudden this
big pile of string walked by.
I think you and that
blanket need a long rest.
My kite is up!
It's actually up!
It's up there!
No, it's going down!
Stay up! Stay up, you fool!
Don't get near that kite-eating tree!
Look out! Look out!
Oh, no.
Oh, good grief.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Argh!
That's the most gruesome
thing I've ever seen!
What's going on here?
Don't look!
Don't look!
This is a kite-eating tree!
It has one of my kites!
Don't look!
It's a terrible sight!
Whatever you do, don't look!
Oh, no!
She looked.
This stupid kite-eating
tree has my kite!
If you don't let go of that kite,
I'll kick you right in the stomach!
These kite-eating trees
have hard stomachs.
I must be crazy to watch this!
It's a beauty contest, Chuck,
and for someone like me,
it's very depressing.
Look!
There's the girl who won!
See how happy she is?
You think that'll ever
happen to me, Chuck?
No way!
I'm not beautiful, Chuck.
I'm not beautiful,
and I'll never be beautiful.
Now I'm all depressed.
Rats!
Say something to cheer me up, Chuck.
Well, I
He's a funny-looking kid,
but he sure knows how
to make a girl happy.
Hello, Chuck.
This is Peppermint Patty.
Say, Chuck, they're having one of
those turnabout dances at school.
You know, where the
girl has to ask the boy.
And well, I, I
No, I'm not asking you, Chuck.
Good grief.
I just want to talk to
that funny-looking
friend of yours with the big nose.
Hiya, kid.
This is Peppermint Patty.
How would you like to go to a
turnabout dance as my guest?
I think he'll be glad to go.
Hiya, Snoop.
You look great.
These turnabouts are kind of weird.
But I hope you have fun, Snoop.
I appreciate your going with me.
Wow, Snoopy, look at all the kids.
This turnabout looks like
it might be kind of fun.
I'm sort of self-conscious
about dancing with a boy.
But there's so many kids here,
I doubt if anyone will even notice.
Boy, Snoopy, you're a great dancer.
How about stopping for a
little rest and a cold punch?
I'm sure glad you came with me.
I've never had so
much fun in all my life.
I don't think anything could
spoil this evening for me.
Psst. Hey, kid.
Where'd you get the
weird-looking boyfriend?
I blew it, Snoopy.
But I'm not sorry I
hit that stupid kid.
He insulted you and he deserved it.
The embarrassing part was being
told to leave by the chaperones.
I wanted to be a good date.
I wanted you to like me
and to have fun and
He's a funny-looking kid,
but he sure knows how
to make a girl happy.
Snoopy, you're home early.
Come on in.
How was the party?
Did you have a good time?
Did you eat and drink?
Was there music?
Did you dance?
Were there lots of kids?
Wow! Even a fight?
Wow!
You must be exhausted.
You better sleep with me tonight.
Put on your pajamas and come to bed.
With all this excitement,
maybe I'd better read you a
story so you can fall asleep.
How about "Treasure Island"?
Let's see.
"Hans Brinker?"
"The Six Bunny Wunnies
and their Pony Cart" again?
I don't understand why you want
to read the same book every night.
Oh well.
It was a warm spring day and the six
bunny wunnies decide to go on a picnic.
"I'll fix the lunch",
said Pam bunny wunny.
"I'll hitch up our pony", said.
Well, did that nasty old
pop fly awaken you?
Did it disturb your beauty sleep?
I'm sorry if the sound of fly
balls landing behind you
is depriving you of your rest.
Perhaps we should soften the infield
so the ball won't make too much
noise when it lands behind you.
Oh, good grief.
Now I've hurt his feelings.
I'm sorry, Snoopy.
I apologize.
I shouldn't have been so sarcastic.
I guess I don't know how
to handle my players.
I'm a terrible manager.
I apologize.
Do you see anything?
Nope. Charlie Brown's
gone and done it again.
You're not pitching right,
Charlie Brown.
You're letting them
hit the ball too high.
It makes us dizzy when we look up.
Try to pitch right.
You're still not pitching
right, Charlie Brown.
Now they're hitting
the ball on the ground.
We don't like to stoop over.
No, that's very inconvenient.
Try to pitch so that they
hit the ball right to us.
April, May, June, July,
August, September.
It's going to be a long season.
Hello, Chuck.
This is Peppermint Patty.
How have you been?
I need your help, Chuck.
Our team has a ball game today,
but one of our players
is going to be missing.
And I thought
You mean you want me
to play for your team?
Oh, boy!
That's the first time anyone ever
asks me to play on their team.
Wow! I'll be right over.
That's great!
Uh, uh, well, uh,
what I meant, Chuck,
was, uh, we just wanted to know
if we can borrow your glove.
You're going to walk clear across town
to lend someone your baseball glove?
Peppermint Patty's team needs it.
Then why don't they ask you to play?
They don't need me.
They need my glove.
Then let her come and get it herself.
I'm just trying to be nice.
Good luck with the world.
Gee, Chuck, where you been?
Our game is ready to go.
Did you bring the glove?
Nice shot.
Give it to Thiebault.
He's the one who doesn't have a glove.
Thiebault?
Get out there, Thiebault,
and show him how it's done.
You can watch the game
from over there, Chuck.
Wish us luck.
Thiebault?
We won, Chuck.
How about that?
Didn't I tell you I had a great team?
You can give Chuck his
glove now, Thiebault.
- No.
- No?
Give him back his glove, Thiebault.
I'll fight him for it.
Oh, good grief.
If he wants his glove back,
let him come and get it.
Thiebault, you're being unreasonable.
What's the matter, kid?
Are you afraid to fight me?
I I
Okay, then I'll just keep your glove.
Thiebault, you give
him back that glove.
I'll fight you both.
Come on, I'm not afraid.
How do these things happen to me?
I know your kind.
My kind?
You come around here thinking
you're better than us.
Me?
Thiebault, I'm ashamed of you.
Me?
Better than someone else?
Me?
I can't believe it.
He thinks that I think
I'm better than he is.
That's the best thing anyone
has ever said to me.
Keep the glove, Thiebault.
You've done me a great favor.
I don't understand you, Chuck.
You sure know some weird people.
You think he's weird?
You should see his funny-looking
friend with the big nose.
So I just let him keep the glove.
Maybe I was afraid to fight him.
I don't know.
I don't even really care.
The main thing is, I felt better.
I'm proud of you, Charlie Brown.
Now maybe you'll be
able to start facing
some of life's problems
on the gut level.
That's a medical term.
It would sound more convincing if
you weren't holding that blanket.
Marcy, I'm short a player.
I need you out in right field.
I hate baseball, sir.
All you have to do is stand out there.
Please.
What if I get put in the penalty box?
There's no penalty box in baseball.
Now please get out there.
I forgot to ask if we're
playing nine holes or 18.
I have the ball, sir.
What do you want me to do with it?
Okay, Marcy.
It's your turn at the plate.
I don't understand
baseball expression, sir.
Stop calling me sir and belt one.
Here.
You'll do better using the bat.
Why do they make
the handle so big, sir?
How come you're letting
a girl play on our team?
What's it to you, Thiebault?
I'm not playing on
any team with a girl.
What do you think I am,
you blockhead?
Sir, if Mr. Thiebault doesn't want
me to play, maybe I shouldn't.
I'll say you shouldn't.
Baseball is a boys' game.
You're just a stupid girl.
Why don't you go home?
I can't go home, Mr. Thiebault,
because I'd be all alone.
My dad is out of town.
And my mother is at her office
designing a new freeway.
Why do you wear those
stupid looking glasses?
You don't need glasses to scrub
floors or do dishes or make beds.
Speaking of glasses, mine
are beginning to steam up.
What do girls want to
play baseball for anyway?
Girls should learn their proper place.
Hey, you're kicking dirt on my shoes.
Sir, your second baseman has
offended me beyond endurance.
Can you stop the game for a minute?
Time out!
All right, Thiebault, this is it.
Now look here, you cement-headed,
male chauvinist dummy.
I'm going to tell you something.
And I want you to
stand still and listen.
If you say one word, I'm going to
belt you right across the chops.
Oh?
That was one word.
Nice going, Marcy.
You destroyed my second baseman.
I'm sorry, sir.
I got carried away.
I was going to give him my lecture
on the good qualities of women.
But instead I hit him.
Well, let's get back to the game.
I'm not going to play anymore, sir.
I hate baseball.
Okay, but the least you
could do is stop calling me sir.