The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins (2026) s01e07 Episode Script
The World Is Full of Beaks
1
She's blonde and white,
and yet, she's gone.
Oh, snap.
It's a new season of
"Blonde, White, and Gone."
Must be nice having a big TV.
Back in my day, our TV was just
a fish tank with a radio in it.
I'm not sure any
of the stories Dad tells
about his childhood are true.
Must be nice eating at a table.
We had to take turns
being a table.
Hey, Dad, can I borrow the car?
My pop's car was
just wood and rock.
And we had to power it
with our feet.
I feel like
he's starting to get mixed up
with stuff he saw on TV.
I have actually been wanting
to dig into your childhood
a little bit more, Reggie.
Maybe tomorrow
you could take me back to
- Don't say the hood.
- I wasn't going to.
I don't believe you.
It's a great idea.
Maybe we'll see Mr. Kotter
and the Sweathogs.
"NBA Crossover 3K"
wants to use my song.
I'ma be in a video game!
Oh, that game is dope.
In COVID bubble mode,
you can sneak away
to the strip club for wings.
Congrats, babe.
Which song?
It's a new one I did
with Jynnysyz.
- Run it up ♪
- Run it down ♪
Run it back, stack, stack ♪
That's beautiful.
Stack, stack.
I was lowkey giving up hope
on my music career taking off.
The industry is contracting.
But then somebody
from the video game company
heard our track
on Jynnysyz' OnlyFans.
God is good.
- All the time.
- They sent the contract,
and just to say it, Monica,
you were the one
who came up with the idea
of reading contracts.
So I already told them
you're my agent.
Oh, Brina, I don't know anything
about the music business.
It's brutal.
I got sampled back in 2002,
and I never even saw a dime.
Phone, play "Nighttime
Explosion" by The Oddities.
Ooh, daddy!
- That was you?
- That's a bop.
I was mic'd up during a game,
pulled my groin
kicking an extra point.
I guess Timbaland felt it?
Yeah.
They didn't even invite me
to the VMAs that year.
Elton John did my part.
Please, Monica.
Fine, fine.
Bring Jynnysyz by
my office later.
Yes!
Oh, daddy!
Monica grew up
in the fancy part of Sheepneck.
It was still a food desert,
but they had
all kind of beverages.
So you and Monica really had
a kind of a Romeo and Juliet
thing going on.
Yeah, including the part
where the priest poisoned her.
But that guy was
poisoning everybody.
Hey, Denise!
- Hi.
- Hi.
I I thought
I might run into you.
I mean, this is my mail route.
What you doing back
in Sheepneck, little man?
I am just making art.
You know me.
Not really.
But it's nice to see you.
Let's see the back.
- All right.
Okay.
Keeping it tight.
- Trying.
Well, I wish we weren't
both at work right now,
'cause I got keys
to a lot of package rooms.
But holla at me sometime.
- Yeah.
And at, you shall be hollered.
Hey, yo.
Is that the mom from my camp?
Uh, yeah.
Denise and I met there.
And and then again
the other day
when I came to the neighborhood
to shoot B-roll.
Dig, tell you what.
I'm gonna help you
lock this down.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You don't need to do anything.
Just you were
telling me about how
you and Monica got together.
Denise!
Uh, hey, Reggie Dinkins!
What's up, girl?
How your boy doing
with the passing drills?
He good.
What you doing tonight?
You know, my boy Arthur
lives with me
in my mansion in Alpine.
What zip code is that?
Mm, fancy.
Why don't you come by?
Get some fried fish from Harlem,
watch a '70s monster movie,
or whatever you think
a chill date is.
Date? Word.
But I got Jason tonight,
'cause Hector gotta
meet up with his boys
to watch the Jake Paul,
Morgan Freeman fight, so
Well, next time then,
whenever I'm back in Sheepneck,
or you're in
Northern New Jersey.
Or we could meet
in the exact middle.
I looked it up on a map.
And it is the 9/11 Memorial.
Mm.
Okay.
Well, see you around.
- Yeah.
It's great to see you.
Oh. Oh, cool, very nice.
Yeah.
Oh, good morning.
And here's your coffee, baby.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You look exactly
like my girlfriend.
Okay, Shane.
Thanks.
And your guests
are already here.
Guests?
Monica, I can't believe
you turned down IDK
for this place.
Barry, what are you doing here?
- Didn't you know?
I rep Jynnysyz.
Stack, stack.
But you're a sports agent.
So are you.
But the "Crossover 3K"
cover boy, Kyrie Irving,
IDK just sold his memoir,
"If the Earth is Round,
Why Can't I Dunk It?"
And when I saw your name
on the licensing paperwork,
I couldn't resist
getting in on the deal.
Stack, stack.
Well, I reviewed the offer.
And apparently,
Akinyele got way more money
to use "Put It in Your Mouth"
in the new Kirby game.
Oh, we're happy with the offer,
but not the split.
50/50?
I was thinking more like 100/0.
Zero?
Like, Coke Zero?
J, we wrote that song together.
Well, my client says
you used her GarageBand
on her laptop in a coffee shop
where the baristas know her.
Yeah.
This guy says you're trying
to steal my song.
Your song? Okay.
Okay. Wait.
Barry, hey. Okay.
There's plenty to go around
if we just work together.
Oh, I thought you said you
didn't want to work with me.
Jynnysyz, Brina, look at
your phones for a minute.
Is this about me
not taking that job?
Come on.
Do you know what
you put me through?
I had to get all the IDK
partners to sign off on you,
then email them to say
you turned us down.
It was humiliating.
100/0, Monica.
That's our offer.
Stack, stack.
Okay.
Let's talk about
your time in Green Bay.
Cheese, cold.
Next question.
Oh, sorry.
What was that?
Uh, it was my dentist
wishing me happy birthday.
They have the wrong date.
They won't fix it.
But you was hoping
it was Denise, weren't you?
What kind of nasty stuff
she sending you?
Are you the blue?
Oh, no.
I know what this is.
You're treating that girl
like she's one
of your documentaries.
You're obsessed.
I am not discussing this
with you.
But just so you know, I don't
get obsessed with things, okay?
I get deeply interested in them,
whether that's my documentaries
or terrariums
or, briefly, parkour.
Aha! Mr. Ricochet here.
You know how I do.
It is a good trait for my work.
It's why I won an Academy Award.
Okay.
How's that work for you
with the shorties?
There was one shorty
who got complicated.
- Oh
- An unknown number
from Jupiter, Florida.
This could be her.
Hello? Uh-huh.
What is your
Social Security number?
Okay. That's enough, Reggie.
We can actually stop there.
Sorry. Barry's in a meeting.
I know he's not,
because he's live
on Instagram right now,
doing push-ups in his office.
You're in the background
of his shot.
- Okay.
So what rhymes with Jynnysyz?
Nemesis, no friend is this,
mom's tennis wrist,
Ruth's Chris,
Capital Grille, Peter Luger's.
You lost the thread
again, Rusty.
I told you we should
have got something to eat
before we started.
What are y'all doing?
We're trying to make
a diss track.
We gotta clap back at Jynnysyz
and then get steaks.
My friend just dropped this.
Queen Bri, she wack, wack ♪
Tell 'em I wrote stack, stack ♪
She's picking in my pockets ♪
But she's living in a palace ♪
With a washed old man ♪
Who's popping that Cialis ♪
You're stupid, and I hate you ♪
First off,
Reggie doesn't need Cialises.
And Jynnysyz is
richer than I am.
Her real name is Jenny Sussman.
And her dad is a famous doctor.
He's New York's
top twin separator.
Is there really a big enough
market for that procedure?
Brina, the beef is getting cold.
Okay? We gotta heat it up.
- Yeah.
Why you being so mean ♪
I thought we was friends ♪
Maybe I should give ♪
Give up music.
Actually, I just need a minute.
She didn't use any of my rhymes.
Reggie, I just realized that
yesterday we got footage of you
in front of your elementary
school and your high school,
but we neglected middle.
Sheepneck didn't have
a middle school.
We were loose those years.
You know what?
I think you want to go
back to Brooklyn
just to run in to Denise again.
What? No.
I would never use
the film like that.
Sit down, youngblood, sit down.
Do you know that movie
"He's Just Not That Into You"?
Now imagine flipping it.
Nah, it doesn't work.
Oh, my God.
You really think that you
have some insight
into my relationship
with Denise?
Relationship?
Bro, she dapped you.
So good to see you.
Well, when you do something
in slow motion,
of course it looks bad.
Not necessarily.
"Baywatch,"
walking away from explosions,
pouring syrup in commercials.
Okay, you know,
this is the last time
that we are gonna talk
about me, okay?
Denise and I have
a real connection.
- Uh-huh.
You ever done it in a bed?
No, but you're not there
when we're alone together, okay?
We both love jokes and food.
And we have a song.
It was playing in her
mail truck the first time we
It's the
"William Tell Overture,"
which would not have been
my first choice.
But my foot slipped, and I hit
the scan button, and
Arthur, you're a booty call.
And that's it.
And as a bro, I gotta tell you,
you're bugging out.
Okay. We are not bros.
That's not what this is.
And I am bugging in.
Dude!
Dude, I get it.
You've been stuck
in this house for months.
And then you meet somebody
that look like that?
I mean, it's not for me.
Yucky!
Brina's down the hall.
Look, after me and Monica split,
it was rough for a minute.
But then I had to get
back out there.
I posted up
in Washington Heights
and chatted it up
with the ladies.
I am not here to ride around
looking for random
hookups, Reggie.
I am here to work.
And I am very happy
with the Denise situation.
I hear you.
Documentary.
What about I take you
around the corner
and show you the house
I bought my mom
after I signed with the Jets?
- Yes!
That is what I'm talking about.
Thank you.
Baddies of Alpine,
who wants a piece of this?
Get
you lied to me.
- Yep.
My friend here has got an Oscar!
I am not a part of this.
Reggie, I'm sorry,
but I don't want you
wingman-ing for me.
Actually, I already am
in a relationship.
Not really, not like he wants!
He's looking for something
lasting and real!
Okay. This is ridiculous!
I can walk home from here.
Look at that little butt,
ladies!
My boy has got cupcake!
If Reggie was a shot in cricket,
he would be worth six runs
because he is out of bounds!
I'm afraid desperate measures
are required.
Hey, chat,
I'm here with my client,
the number one-ranked
pickleball player
in America, Ernie Slava.
Say hi, Ernie.
Barry!
Congrats.
You won't answer my call,
so you made me come to you.
You want to play me
for the deal?
No.
That's idiotic.
I want to have
a grown-up conversation.
Okay.
Statins, interest rates.
We're taking Mom's keys away.
Is that grown up enough for you?
I mean, it's too late anyway.
I just heard that
the game guys got fed up,
and the deal is dead, baby.
And you're happy about that?
That means neither
of us get anything!
Is it not clocking to you
that I'm standing on business
right now?
I only ever signed Jynnysyz
to make sure you got nothing.
I already dropped her.
You're seriously that petty?
You lose.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I paid $700 an hour
for this sesh.
What are you doing?
Recording more classy
pickleball behavior.
We never should have let
you people in here.
Hey, what do you mean,
you people?
Oh, are you not people?
- I went to Penn.
Your mom's a hooker.
- Sex work is real work.
- Oh, yeah?
What are you going
to do about it?
Do you know who I am?
- Yeah.
You're a dingbat.
Brina!
Have you seen Brina?
She's upstairs in her room
listening to The Cure.
I think she's sad.
But it might mean
something different
when it's not a white teenager?
Monica, you're on my YouTube.
You're an embarrassment
to racquet sports.
- Die in a fire.
- You die in a fire.
How is that on there?
Oh, my whole algorithm is
people yelling at each other.
I think I like it because
it reminds me of road trips
when I was a kid.
Rusty, that's not healthy.
People being horrible to each
other is not entertainment.
It's the only entertainment.
People are just fighting
now and filming it.
And I'm here for it.
Yeah.
People do like watching
other people fight.
I mean, Kendrick and Drake,
Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese.
Oh, you gotta see the beef
between 50 Cent and Colin Jost.
Well, come on, there's an ad.
Oh, God, I'm so bored!
Are you sick of
watching whatever shows
they want to watch and getting
beat up in fights they start?
Then say "hiyah!"
to your conjoined twin.
Wait, people buy ads
before these videos?
That means someone's
getting paid.
Come to me
before your twin does.
Hyah!
Brina!
It's clapback time!
The Upper East Side
is really going downhill
since the last time I was here.
This isn't the Upper East Side.
I changed the address
of your podiatrist's office
in your GPS.
You gave me no choice.
Oh, hell, no!
Whatever you're about to do
is a bad idea.
Wrong again.
I'm going to surprise Denise
at work with flowers.
That's why I smelled lilac
and baby's breath
the whole ride.
I thought I was having a stroke.
This is the kind
of romantic gesture
two people with
a real connection make.
Denise will love it,
which will prove that
you are wrong about us and me.
And then you can just stop
interfering in my life.
Okay.
When I was little,
I loved penguins.
My parents would take me to
the aquarium in Coney Island,
and I would beg to hug one.
Eventually, my moms realized
the only way I would learn
was to let me do it.
Those little bastards
might be dressed up,
but they have beaks.
Arthur Tobin has to learn
for himself
that the world is full of beaks.
Arthur, this is my workplace!
I told you, you can't DJ
in a federal building!
- Okay, okay.
Just give me my mobile back.
- Hold on.
Are you that British dude?
Oh, I'm gonna kill you!
- Hector, no!
- Hector!
No.
I forgot she works with her ex!
I'll get a new phone.
Start the car!
Go, go, go!
For future reference,
a dap means it's casual!
Hey, y'all,
it's your girl Brina ♪
AKA Queen Bri ♪
Jynnysyz, I heard you got beef ♪
So let's throw it on the grill ♪
Ooh, daddy!
Cooking it up in the kitchen ♪
Jynnysyz, you better listen ♪
I'm on the track, and I'm running it back ♪
Here's my dunk, go ahead, kiss it ♪
Listen here, girl, we are not friends ♪
No ♪
And I know your daddy chop twins ♪
Hyah ♪
And I know you ain't got no man ♪
I know you sus cause you a Sussman ♪
Damn ♪
Ooh, daddy!
And Barry,
stick to pickleball, bitch!
Mr. Ricochet ♪
You were right about this fish.
I'm right about a lot of things.
For 20 years, I've been saying
Gayle King gonna go to space.
So maybe you should
listen to me more.
I just don't know if I can.
I get it.
You don't want us to fall
into a magical Negro cliché.
Oh, no, that was
well, yes, actually, absolutely.
But no.
I just mean when I get
obsessed with something,
I can't listen to reason.
I stopped making films
for three years at one point
to pursue
the shuffling lifestyle.
And I got pretty extreme
with Denise based on nothing.
Now imagine this
with someone toxic,
like Narcissa.
If you go back far enough,
we are all from Africa, man.
Oh, give me that mouth, baby!
Step on me.
You stay there, bitch!
That was at the premiere
for "Kung Fu Panda 4."
Damn, you was lost in the sauce.
Because of her,
I lost my health,
my perfect Uber rating,
my Hollywood career.
If I hadn't left LA
without saying goodbye,
I truly don't know if
I'd even be alive right now.
Look, some people aren't
meant for real relationships.
You know, I'm a loner.
And I will die alone.
First of all,
everyone dies alone,
unless it's a Pompeii situation.
But you're not in Pompeii.
You're in Reggie Dinkins' car
with Reggie Dinkins,
who's been with you since
the day you got here.
Are you being nice or are
you wiping fish grease on me?
Two things can be true,
Arthur Tobin.
Uh, a "Deez" is here to see you.
Deez who?
Deez nuts!
Can't believe that worked.
Classic.
Hey, I saw your little video,
Monica.
Did you really think
that would get to me?
Well, you're here, aren't you?
I was just on my way
to Teterboro
and needed someplace
to drop a deuce.
Thanks for the bathroom key,
B-T-dubs.
Oh.
It was my pleasure, Mr. Nuts.
Monica, I love that
I got under your skin enough
to make that video.
Oh, I'm not upset.
The truth is,
I'm glad you're here.
See, we live in hateful times.
- I'm thriving.
- Which is why
people love beefs,
including Brina's,
so much so that
you can monetize the videos.
Monetize? Like money?
Mm.
Money's the best.
What's going on?
You turned Jynnysyz
and Brina against each other
just so I wouldn't make a penny.
But thanks to the fight
you started,
I've made 10% of $1,117,
which is enough to buy me
a one-way Southwest flight
to Baltimore.
No!
That is so much more than zero!
You are supposed to get zero.
You don't shrug at me.
I can still win this.
Hey, hey!
How would you like to make 250K?
Very much, sir!
Great.
You're my new assistant.
Let's roll.
Bye, honey.
I'll miss you.
Jeez. I am so sorry, Monica.
It's really uncanny.
I did some digging,
and he's not wrong.
Carmelo, you left
Buddy Bunny at my house.
I don't know who that is.
A rabbit?
I I guess just put him
in my bedroom and tuck him in.
Uh, but I don't know a rabbit.
We just broke $2,000.
Hey!
That's two bones
for Monie, baby.
Hey, oh.
This is my dream,
making money from my music
and then eventually
getting so famous from it
that I start a makeup line
and never have to do
music again.
Jynnysyz is still
slapping beef on the grill.
She rhymed Brina with hyena.
She said you killed Mufasa.
That is not funny.
It's okay.
We actually made up.
We're just keeping the beef
going for clicks.
I guess it's my turn.
Girl, you don't want this smoke ♪
You don't game like I game ♪
If you keep talking smack ♪
I'ma smack the vowels back in your name ♪
Huh!
Oh.
Okay.
Did you just make that up?
Yeah.
- Go get it, girl.
- Ooh!
All right, new phone,
fresh start with no Denise.
Reggie, from now on,
the only drama
you will get from me
are recommendations
for new programs on BritBox.
Oh, have you seen
"Mr. Bixley's Room"?
No. But it sounds amazing.
Mr. Tobin, there's a lady
here looking for you.
Artie! I found you!
No.
That's impossible.
Narcissa.
Twist!
The award-winning modern
retelling of "Oliver Twist"
is on BritBox!
What? What did I miss?
- Good night, everybody.
- Good night.
She's blonde and white,
and yet, she's gone.
Oh, snap.
It's a new season of
"Blonde, White, and Gone."
Must be nice having a big TV.
Back in my day, our TV was just
a fish tank with a radio in it.
I'm not sure any
of the stories Dad tells
about his childhood are true.
Must be nice eating at a table.
We had to take turns
being a table.
Hey, Dad, can I borrow the car?
My pop's car was
just wood and rock.
And we had to power it
with our feet.
I feel like
he's starting to get mixed up
with stuff he saw on TV.
I have actually been wanting
to dig into your childhood
a little bit more, Reggie.
Maybe tomorrow
you could take me back to
- Don't say the hood.
- I wasn't going to.
I don't believe you.
It's a great idea.
Maybe we'll see Mr. Kotter
and the Sweathogs.
"NBA Crossover 3K"
wants to use my song.
I'ma be in a video game!
Oh, that game is dope.
In COVID bubble mode,
you can sneak away
to the strip club for wings.
Congrats, babe.
Which song?
It's a new one I did
with Jynnysyz.
- Run it up ♪
- Run it down ♪
Run it back, stack, stack ♪
That's beautiful.
Stack, stack.
I was lowkey giving up hope
on my music career taking off.
The industry is contracting.
But then somebody
from the video game company
heard our track
on Jynnysyz' OnlyFans.
God is good.
- All the time.
- They sent the contract,
and just to say it, Monica,
you were the one
who came up with the idea
of reading contracts.
So I already told them
you're my agent.
Oh, Brina, I don't know anything
about the music business.
It's brutal.
I got sampled back in 2002,
and I never even saw a dime.
Phone, play "Nighttime
Explosion" by The Oddities.
Ooh, daddy!
- That was you?
- That's a bop.
I was mic'd up during a game,
pulled my groin
kicking an extra point.
I guess Timbaland felt it?
Yeah.
They didn't even invite me
to the VMAs that year.
Elton John did my part.
Please, Monica.
Fine, fine.
Bring Jynnysyz by
my office later.
Yes!
Oh, daddy!
Monica grew up
in the fancy part of Sheepneck.
It was still a food desert,
but they had
all kind of beverages.
So you and Monica really had
a kind of a Romeo and Juliet
thing going on.
Yeah, including the part
where the priest poisoned her.
But that guy was
poisoning everybody.
Hey, Denise!
- Hi.
- Hi.
I I thought
I might run into you.
I mean, this is my mail route.
What you doing back
in Sheepneck, little man?
I am just making art.
You know me.
Not really.
But it's nice to see you.
Let's see the back.
- All right.
Okay.
Keeping it tight.
- Trying.
Well, I wish we weren't
both at work right now,
'cause I got keys
to a lot of package rooms.
But holla at me sometime.
- Yeah.
And at, you shall be hollered.
Hey, yo.
Is that the mom from my camp?
Uh, yeah.
Denise and I met there.
And and then again
the other day
when I came to the neighborhood
to shoot B-roll.
Dig, tell you what.
I'm gonna help you
lock this down.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You don't need to do anything.
Just you were
telling me about how
you and Monica got together.
Denise!
Uh, hey, Reggie Dinkins!
What's up, girl?
How your boy doing
with the passing drills?
He good.
What you doing tonight?
You know, my boy Arthur
lives with me
in my mansion in Alpine.
What zip code is that?
Mm, fancy.
Why don't you come by?
Get some fried fish from Harlem,
watch a '70s monster movie,
or whatever you think
a chill date is.
Date? Word.
But I got Jason tonight,
'cause Hector gotta
meet up with his boys
to watch the Jake Paul,
Morgan Freeman fight, so
Well, next time then,
whenever I'm back in Sheepneck,
or you're in
Northern New Jersey.
Or we could meet
in the exact middle.
I looked it up on a map.
And it is the 9/11 Memorial.
Mm.
Okay.
Well, see you around.
- Yeah.
It's great to see you.
Oh. Oh, cool, very nice.
Yeah.
Oh, good morning.
And here's your coffee, baby.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You look exactly
like my girlfriend.
Okay, Shane.
Thanks.
And your guests
are already here.
Guests?
Monica, I can't believe
you turned down IDK
for this place.
Barry, what are you doing here?
- Didn't you know?
I rep Jynnysyz.
Stack, stack.
But you're a sports agent.
So are you.
But the "Crossover 3K"
cover boy, Kyrie Irving,
IDK just sold his memoir,
"If the Earth is Round,
Why Can't I Dunk It?"
And when I saw your name
on the licensing paperwork,
I couldn't resist
getting in on the deal.
Stack, stack.
Well, I reviewed the offer.
And apparently,
Akinyele got way more money
to use "Put It in Your Mouth"
in the new Kirby game.
Oh, we're happy with the offer,
but not the split.
50/50?
I was thinking more like 100/0.
Zero?
Like, Coke Zero?
J, we wrote that song together.
Well, my client says
you used her GarageBand
on her laptop in a coffee shop
where the baristas know her.
Yeah.
This guy says you're trying
to steal my song.
Your song? Okay.
Okay. Wait.
Barry, hey. Okay.
There's plenty to go around
if we just work together.
Oh, I thought you said you
didn't want to work with me.
Jynnysyz, Brina, look at
your phones for a minute.
Is this about me
not taking that job?
Come on.
Do you know what
you put me through?
I had to get all the IDK
partners to sign off on you,
then email them to say
you turned us down.
It was humiliating.
100/0, Monica.
That's our offer.
Stack, stack.
Okay.
Let's talk about
your time in Green Bay.
Cheese, cold.
Next question.
Oh, sorry.
What was that?
Uh, it was my dentist
wishing me happy birthday.
They have the wrong date.
They won't fix it.
But you was hoping
it was Denise, weren't you?
What kind of nasty stuff
she sending you?
Are you the blue?
Oh, no.
I know what this is.
You're treating that girl
like she's one
of your documentaries.
You're obsessed.
I am not discussing this
with you.
But just so you know, I don't
get obsessed with things, okay?
I get deeply interested in them,
whether that's my documentaries
or terrariums
or, briefly, parkour.
Aha! Mr. Ricochet here.
You know how I do.
It is a good trait for my work.
It's why I won an Academy Award.
Okay.
How's that work for you
with the shorties?
There was one shorty
who got complicated.
- Oh
- An unknown number
from Jupiter, Florida.
This could be her.
Hello? Uh-huh.
What is your
Social Security number?
Okay. That's enough, Reggie.
We can actually stop there.
Sorry. Barry's in a meeting.
I know he's not,
because he's live
on Instagram right now,
doing push-ups in his office.
You're in the background
of his shot.
- Okay.
So what rhymes with Jynnysyz?
Nemesis, no friend is this,
mom's tennis wrist,
Ruth's Chris,
Capital Grille, Peter Luger's.
You lost the thread
again, Rusty.
I told you we should
have got something to eat
before we started.
What are y'all doing?
We're trying to make
a diss track.
We gotta clap back at Jynnysyz
and then get steaks.
My friend just dropped this.
Queen Bri, she wack, wack ♪
Tell 'em I wrote stack, stack ♪
She's picking in my pockets ♪
But she's living in a palace ♪
With a washed old man ♪
Who's popping that Cialis ♪
You're stupid, and I hate you ♪
First off,
Reggie doesn't need Cialises.
And Jynnysyz is
richer than I am.
Her real name is Jenny Sussman.
And her dad is a famous doctor.
He's New York's
top twin separator.
Is there really a big enough
market for that procedure?
Brina, the beef is getting cold.
Okay? We gotta heat it up.
- Yeah.
Why you being so mean ♪
I thought we was friends ♪
Maybe I should give ♪
Give up music.
Actually, I just need a minute.
She didn't use any of my rhymes.
Reggie, I just realized that
yesterday we got footage of you
in front of your elementary
school and your high school,
but we neglected middle.
Sheepneck didn't have
a middle school.
We were loose those years.
You know what?
I think you want to go
back to Brooklyn
just to run in to Denise again.
What? No.
I would never use
the film like that.
Sit down, youngblood, sit down.
Do you know that movie
"He's Just Not That Into You"?
Now imagine flipping it.
Nah, it doesn't work.
Oh, my God.
You really think that you
have some insight
into my relationship
with Denise?
Relationship?
Bro, she dapped you.
So good to see you.
Well, when you do something
in slow motion,
of course it looks bad.
Not necessarily.
"Baywatch,"
walking away from explosions,
pouring syrup in commercials.
Okay, you know,
this is the last time
that we are gonna talk
about me, okay?
Denise and I have
a real connection.
- Uh-huh.
You ever done it in a bed?
No, but you're not there
when we're alone together, okay?
We both love jokes and food.
And we have a song.
It was playing in her
mail truck the first time we
It's the
"William Tell Overture,"
which would not have been
my first choice.
But my foot slipped, and I hit
the scan button, and
Arthur, you're a booty call.
And that's it.
And as a bro, I gotta tell you,
you're bugging out.
Okay. We are not bros.
That's not what this is.
And I am bugging in.
Dude!
Dude, I get it.
You've been stuck
in this house for months.
And then you meet somebody
that look like that?
I mean, it's not for me.
Yucky!
Brina's down the hall.
Look, after me and Monica split,
it was rough for a minute.
But then I had to get
back out there.
I posted up
in Washington Heights
and chatted it up
with the ladies.
I am not here to ride around
looking for random
hookups, Reggie.
I am here to work.
And I am very happy
with the Denise situation.
I hear you.
Documentary.
What about I take you
around the corner
and show you the house
I bought my mom
after I signed with the Jets?
- Yes!
That is what I'm talking about.
Thank you.
Baddies of Alpine,
who wants a piece of this?
Get
you lied to me.
- Yep.
My friend here has got an Oscar!
I am not a part of this.
Reggie, I'm sorry,
but I don't want you
wingman-ing for me.
Actually, I already am
in a relationship.
Not really, not like he wants!
He's looking for something
lasting and real!
Okay. This is ridiculous!
I can walk home from here.
Look at that little butt,
ladies!
My boy has got cupcake!
If Reggie was a shot in cricket,
he would be worth six runs
because he is out of bounds!
I'm afraid desperate measures
are required.
Hey, chat,
I'm here with my client,
the number one-ranked
pickleball player
in America, Ernie Slava.
Say hi, Ernie.
Barry!
Congrats.
You won't answer my call,
so you made me come to you.
You want to play me
for the deal?
No.
That's idiotic.
I want to have
a grown-up conversation.
Okay.
Statins, interest rates.
We're taking Mom's keys away.
Is that grown up enough for you?
I mean, it's too late anyway.
I just heard that
the game guys got fed up,
and the deal is dead, baby.
And you're happy about that?
That means neither
of us get anything!
Is it not clocking to you
that I'm standing on business
right now?
I only ever signed Jynnysyz
to make sure you got nothing.
I already dropped her.
You're seriously that petty?
You lose.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I paid $700 an hour
for this sesh.
What are you doing?
Recording more classy
pickleball behavior.
We never should have let
you people in here.
Hey, what do you mean,
you people?
Oh, are you not people?
- I went to Penn.
Your mom's a hooker.
- Sex work is real work.
- Oh, yeah?
What are you going
to do about it?
Do you know who I am?
- Yeah.
You're a dingbat.
Brina!
Have you seen Brina?
She's upstairs in her room
listening to The Cure.
I think she's sad.
But it might mean
something different
when it's not a white teenager?
Monica, you're on my YouTube.
You're an embarrassment
to racquet sports.
- Die in a fire.
- You die in a fire.
How is that on there?
Oh, my whole algorithm is
people yelling at each other.
I think I like it because
it reminds me of road trips
when I was a kid.
Rusty, that's not healthy.
People being horrible to each
other is not entertainment.
It's the only entertainment.
People are just fighting
now and filming it.
And I'm here for it.
Yeah.
People do like watching
other people fight.
I mean, Kendrick and Drake,
Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese.
Oh, you gotta see the beef
between 50 Cent and Colin Jost.
Well, come on, there's an ad.
Oh, God, I'm so bored!
Are you sick of
watching whatever shows
they want to watch and getting
beat up in fights they start?
Then say "hiyah!"
to your conjoined twin.
Wait, people buy ads
before these videos?
That means someone's
getting paid.
Come to me
before your twin does.
Hyah!
Brina!
It's clapback time!
The Upper East Side
is really going downhill
since the last time I was here.
This isn't the Upper East Side.
I changed the address
of your podiatrist's office
in your GPS.
You gave me no choice.
Oh, hell, no!
Whatever you're about to do
is a bad idea.
Wrong again.
I'm going to surprise Denise
at work with flowers.
That's why I smelled lilac
and baby's breath
the whole ride.
I thought I was having a stroke.
This is the kind
of romantic gesture
two people with
a real connection make.
Denise will love it,
which will prove that
you are wrong about us and me.
And then you can just stop
interfering in my life.
Okay.
When I was little,
I loved penguins.
My parents would take me to
the aquarium in Coney Island,
and I would beg to hug one.
Eventually, my moms realized
the only way I would learn
was to let me do it.
Those little bastards
might be dressed up,
but they have beaks.
Arthur Tobin has to learn
for himself
that the world is full of beaks.
Arthur, this is my workplace!
I told you, you can't DJ
in a federal building!
- Okay, okay.
Just give me my mobile back.
- Hold on.
Are you that British dude?
Oh, I'm gonna kill you!
- Hector, no!
- Hector!
No.
I forgot she works with her ex!
I'll get a new phone.
Start the car!
Go, go, go!
For future reference,
a dap means it's casual!
Hey, y'all,
it's your girl Brina ♪
AKA Queen Bri ♪
Jynnysyz, I heard you got beef ♪
So let's throw it on the grill ♪
Ooh, daddy!
Cooking it up in the kitchen ♪
Jynnysyz, you better listen ♪
I'm on the track, and I'm running it back ♪
Here's my dunk, go ahead, kiss it ♪
Listen here, girl, we are not friends ♪
No ♪
And I know your daddy chop twins ♪
Hyah ♪
And I know you ain't got no man ♪
I know you sus cause you a Sussman ♪
Damn ♪
Ooh, daddy!
And Barry,
stick to pickleball, bitch!
Mr. Ricochet ♪
You were right about this fish.
I'm right about a lot of things.
For 20 years, I've been saying
Gayle King gonna go to space.
So maybe you should
listen to me more.
I just don't know if I can.
I get it.
You don't want us to fall
into a magical Negro cliché.
Oh, no, that was
well, yes, actually, absolutely.
But no.
I just mean when I get
obsessed with something,
I can't listen to reason.
I stopped making films
for three years at one point
to pursue
the shuffling lifestyle.
And I got pretty extreme
with Denise based on nothing.
Now imagine this
with someone toxic,
like Narcissa.
If you go back far enough,
we are all from Africa, man.
Oh, give me that mouth, baby!
Step on me.
You stay there, bitch!
That was at the premiere
for "Kung Fu Panda 4."
Damn, you was lost in the sauce.
Because of her,
I lost my health,
my perfect Uber rating,
my Hollywood career.
If I hadn't left LA
without saying goodbye,
I truly don't know if
I'd even be alive right now.
Look, some people aren't
meant for real relationships.
You know, I'm a loner.
And I will die alone.
First of all,
everyone dies alone,
unless it's a Pompeii situation.
But you're not in Pompeii.
You're in Reggie Dinkins' car
with Reggie Dinkins,
who's been with you since
the day you got here.
Are you being nice or are
you wiping fish grease on me?
Two things can be true,
Arthur Tobin.
Uh, a "Deez" is here to see you.
Deez who?
Deez nuts!
Can't believe that worked.
Classic.
Hey, I saw your little video,
Monica.
Did you really think
that would get to me?
Well, you're here, aren't you?
I was just on my way
to Teterboro
and needed someplace
to drop a deuce.
Thanks for the bathroom key,
B-T-dubs.
Oh.
It was my pleasure, Mr. Nuts.
Monica, I love that
I got under your skin enough
to make that video.
Oh, I'm not upset.
The truth is,
I'm glad you're here.
See, we live in hateful times.
- I'm thriving.
- Which is why
people love beefs,
including Brina's,
so much so that
you can monetize the videos.
Monetize? Like money?
Mm.
Money's the best.
What's going on?
You turned Jynnysyz
and Brina against each other
just so I wouldn't make a penny.
But thanks to the fight
you started,
I've made 10% of $1,117,
which is enough to buy me
a one-way Southwest flight
to Baltimore.
No!
That is so much more than zero!
You are supposed to get zero.
You don't shrug at me.
I can still win this.
Hey, hey!
How would you like to make 250K?
Very much, sir!
Great.
You're my new assistant.
Let's roll.
Bye, honey.
I'll miss you.
Jeez. I am so sorry, Monica.
It's really uncanny.
I did some digging,
and he's not wrong.
Carmelo, you left
Buddy Bunny at my house.
I don't know who that is.
A rabbit?
I I guess just put him
in my bedroom and tuck him in.
Uh, but I don't know a rabbit.
We just broke $2,000.
Hey!
That's two bones
for Monie, baby.
Hey, oh.
This is my dream,
making money from my music
and then eventually
getting so famous from it
that I start a makeup line
and never have to do
music again.
Jynnysyz is still
slapping beef on the grill.
She rhymed Brina with hyena.
She said you killed Mufasa.
That is not funny.
It's okay.
We actually made up.
We're just keeping the beef
going for clicks.
I guess it's my turn.
Girl, you don't want this smoke ♪
You don't game like I game ♪
If you keep talking smack ♪
I'ma smack the vowels back in your name ♪
Huh!
Oh.
Okay.
Did you just make that up?
Yeah.
- Go get it, girl.
- Ooh!
All right, new phone,
fresh start with no Denise.
Reggie, from now on,
the only drama
you will get from me
are recommendations
for new programs on BritBox.
Oh, have you seen
"Mr. Bixley's Room"?
No. But it sounds amazing.
Mr. Tobin, there's a lady
here looking for you.
Artie! I found you!
No.
That's impossible.
Narcissa.
Twist!
The award-winning modern
retelling of "Oliver Twist"
is on BritBox!
What? What did I miss?
- Good night, everybody.
- Good night.